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Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings

Author

ivansfanfiction

Ramblings of the Week, August 06, 2018

So my time in Solvang has come and passed. It’s amazing how time flies, isn’t it?

We had a great time even though it was beastly hot. I am afraid I gained back a couple of pounds but this is certainly a lifetime journey of getting healthy again. So today is a fasting day. Coffee, tea, and broth for me.

It was nice to have a weekend by ourselves. I got a new teapot and we also got some flavored vinegars and oils. They have a year round Christmas shop there that I seldom buy anything at but this time they had a gingerbread man tree skirt. The sister has a collection of gingerbread men similar to my elves, so we texted her about it, and sure enough she wanted us to get it. All they had was one on display but they were able to sell it to us.

This coming weekend is our night at the Hollywood Bowl. We pick one every year to attend, go to a restaurant there, and then enjoy the whole outdoor arena under the stars thing. One year we saw Star Trek 2009 there with music played live to it. We are doing something similar to that this year but instead it is Empire Strikes Back from Star Wars. They also had a night with Harry Potter which I would have preferred but sometimes you have to go with what everyone else wants to see or whatever day happens to work out better for everyone. Anyway, I go for the dinner and the whole Bowl experience.

I put up The Ties That Bind on AO3 (formerly Bonding). Next up to update is Where My Demons Hide and then we will see where I go with updates after that.

We are in the middle of an excessive heat warning. I just read that the entire world is going to be faced with many more of those with global warming and climate change. I am sure you read or saw about the water crisis in Cape Town, South Africa, and fortunately they have beaten it for now. How scary. But I see Australia and Israel are facing severe droughts as well. So are we for that matter but I think it’s worse there. Humans are such wasteful creatures. So even if you aren’t facing a drought where you are, please consider some water conservation, for the planet if nothing else.

Have  a good week.

 

The Love of a Lifetime, August 03 2018

Spock eventually finished meditating and he rose from his mat with a graceful ease I very much envied. Vulcans really were superior.

He turned toward me with a little half smile. “You are staring rather than reading, T’hy’la.”

“Yeah, sorry. Watching you is a lot more interesting.”

I watched him then make his last minute preparations to join me in bed. We weren’t intimate much anymore and I wasn’t even sure why. I wanted to be but I suppose my condition made the appeal of it wane for Spock.

He pulled aside the covers and got in beside me, reaching his fingers out for mine. I touched them.

“Hey, we could…”

“What, Jim?”

I licked my lips. “With Suvoc coming we won’t have any opportunities and I was thinking…” I trailed off, feeling embarrassed.

“You were think?” Spock prompted.

“We could make love.”

Expectations and Thoughts

 

star-trek-4-kirk-and-spock

So I have learned something or decided something, I don’t know which.

But, I am never going to live up to the expectations of readers. There is always going to be someone who wants me to update a work in progress faster, always someone who wants me to write the story the way they want it done, etc. I am not going to be able to finish every story I start to someone’s exacting satisfaction.

There are people who likely become discouraged when I post something new rather than update something they want me to finish and that’s a valid feeling, but I have to do what I must do. I will continue updating as I do, by either spreadsheet or whim, because something calls to me, and I will either have people who want to read it or I will not.

The alternative to me writing and updating as is a personal experience for me is for me to quit altogether because there’s too much pressure or anger or disappointment in me. And I am frankly too old to feel miserable over writing something that is fun for me.

Over the past year there are several projects that I ended up deleting because I either felt pressure about them, lost the enthusiasm, or didn’t get the reaction I hoped for. I don’t like deleting stories I have created, because they are so personal. But on the other hand I don’t want to work on something neither me nor a reader is getting anything out of. I try to make this a rare occurrence but it does and has happened.

With the current WIPS I have going, I have no intention of deleting any of them.

I do have a Christmas story in the works and I also need to do an Old Married Spirk story at some point before November, so yes, more as yet unposted stories are coming from me. If you feel like reading my unfinished stories as I update them, I am grateful. If not, then that’s all right too.

I used to work so so hard to get people to like me and to be popular, I’d put aside everything in my own life to write write write. Because I thought that’s the only way I could do it. And sure, my work is definitely more appreciated than it was when I started, and I’m happy for that, but there will always be creators of fanfiction more appreciated than me, no matter what I do, and so I need to let that go. I’ll never be number one. That’s okay.

I’m working on finishing False Memories, hopefully to post tomorrow, as I won’t get a chance to this weekend. The Love of a Lifetime continues tomorrow. After False Memories, I still hope to write the next chapter of Bonding (the story here on the blog only at this point), and then move on to Where My Demons Hide. But neither of those will make it until next week.

Thank you for your continued support and understanding. I love my followers here, you are all my friends now, I like to think.

Be well!

 

I’m At It Again…Sorry

Damn it I am at it again!

You’ve probably seen by now that I started a new fic called False Memories. I honestly was starting a one-shot and then it got me thinking it deserved more than one chapter and well…

I am really going to try to keep it down on the short side 2 maybe 3 chapters.

 

The Love of a Lifetime, 07/31/2018

Later in bed, I watched Spock meditate in the little area of our bedroom he preferred to use in the evening. He had a whole room devoted to it in the rest of the apartment, but at night he preferred to meditate near me, to monitor me I supposed. Though I think that had been the case for a while.

His usual meditation room would have to be changed over to Suvoc’s room for the moment anyway.

I had a book in front of me, pretending to read, because I didn’t get much pleasure out of these days. It was difficult to process and concentrate on the words now and I seldom retained the memory of what I read. I don’t think I fooled Spock either. But in the old days, before all this, when he meditated, I would read.

I loved Spock more each day and I had every day since I met him all those years ago in the…back when I met him. A long time ago.

Ramblings of the Week, July 31, 2018

I finally got When I Loved You updated this past weekend. That means next up is Didn’t We Almost Have it All? That is the last one updated in June, now that August is about to start! HA. I haven’t started it but will very soon.

I did manage to get the next part of The Love of a Lifetime done so that will make its appearance tomorrow at 4 AM pacific time.

Not sure what I will work on next after Didn’t We. Probably the next chapter of Bonding. We’ll see.

Don’t really have much else to report. Weekend was fine though super hot. I am fasting today and so far it’s okay. I am allowed water, coffee, tea (I have green with me), and broth, but that is it.

This coming weekend is our Solvang trip. We will leave Saturday morning, stay overnight, hit the restaurant, and then go back to our inn as there is zero nightlife in Solvang. Sidewalks are rolled up at 6 there! Sunday morning we have our free breakfast included with the Inn at our favorite bakery there. Then head back. I think some friends plan on having a picnic Sunday afternoon by the beach that I am probably going to be forced to go. I don’t like picnics. Sigh.

Anyway, have a good week everyone.

The Girls

Since I didn’t get my update for The Love of a Lifetime done, the girls thought they would make an appearance.

 

Updates and Rambles, July 26, 2018

Okay so where are we at now?

I updated Idiots in Love earlier this week. More people are on Jim’s side than I thought would be the case. Interesting.

And got up the first chapter of My Heart’s a Virgin, It’s Never Been Tried (thank you Alice Cooper). I’m going to have fun updating this one soon.

And just now I posted the 18th chapter of Anything. I loved writing this chapter. It made me get teary-eyed. This Jim, my beloved Kelvin Jim, so deserved that chapter. I hope you will agree. I figure I have about two chapters left. One where Sunny Kirk and his Spock have their reunion and then a wrap up chapter where everyone is back in their own universe and content.

I do apologize but the next part of The Love of a Lifetime will not be up tomorrow. I hope to have it up Saturday. Just got busy doing other things.

I also have not gotten to When I Loved You as I decided to update Anything instead. So hopefully early next week for that as well as Didn’t We Almost Have it All. This is the Mother 92 weekend. So I will do what I can do. Next weekend is Solvang so that’s even busier.

I’m up to about 35 pounds weight loss so go me!

That’s the update for now.

Just Messing Around Again

This may or may not turn into something but I’m putting it out there. And yeah, angst. 

I was shaken awake not very gently. I blinked rapidly at my aggressor. A shuttle crewman who now gazed at me rather sheepishly.

“Sorry, Admiral. But we’ve reached our destination.”

I blinked again and shook my head to get my bearings. “New Vulcan?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Didn’t we just leave?”

But of course he gave me a sympathetic look. One of those ‘poor old people’ looks.

“No, sir. You fell asleep shortly after take-off. If you need a wheelchair or other assistance disembarking, I’ll-”

“Forget it. I don’t need help,” I snapped at him.

“Sorry, sir.” And he moved off.

I supposed I should feel bad for snapping at him. But, hell, I wasn’t that old. Or was I?

My bones and limbs told me otherwise as I stiffly struggled out of the seat. I had to hold onto a bar as I did so and my muscles cried out in protest. I winced at the pain and took several deep breaths before I could will myself to move toward the exit.

Everyone else seemed to have departed already, judging by the crew members hovering by the door, both the one who had awakened me and a female with ensign uniform.

“Business or pleasure, Admiral?” she asked politely. There was something about the ears, slightly pointed, and the eyebrows. I suspected she had some Vulcan in her, though I did not know her.

“Not pleasure,” I replied. “Nor business. A death. I’m here for a funeral.”

“I’m sorry, sir.” She hesitated. “Ambassador Sarek’s?”

“Yes.” I searched her face once more but no, I could not place it. Her. Where she came from. “Thanks for the smooth ride.”

I made my way down the ramp, slower than I used to be able to do, but I didn’t need to stop to rest on the way, so I considered that a win.

A young Vulcan male stood to the side when I reached the end but then he approached me. “Admiral Kirk.” He made it a statement rather than a question.

“Yeah.”

“I am Saulvek, son of Spock.”

I nodded. “Sarek was your grandfather. I grieve with thee.”

“I have been asked to escort you to accommodations, sir.”

He looked a little like Spock but also like Spock’s wife, T’Lure, the Vulcan female he had bonded with after our second five year mission. Saulvek had been the result of their union. I had been at their bonding ceremony together with Bones, Scotty, Uhura, and Sulu. Scotty and Uhura would marry shortly after that.

During that five year mission, Spock and Uhura had ended their romantic relationship for good and then later, Spock had arranged, through his father, the bond with T’Lure so that he could finally help with the repopulation efforts of their species.

I had not seen Spock for a number of years. Not since T’Lure’s funeral ten years earlier.

Saulvek reached out a hand as though to help me but I batted him away. “I am capable of walking.”

“I thought only of the excessive heat.”

“Lead the way.”

It was strange being back here. The old hollow pain in my chest was almost immediate when I stepped off the shuttle. Or perhaps it had started when I got the missive about Sarek.

We went down several roads and pathways before he finally stopped in front of a modest dwelling. I recognized it. Spock had been living there for quite a while.

“How old are you now, Saulvek?”

“Eighteen.”

God, I could barely remember that age. That boy I was.

Saulvek opened the door with a wave of his hand and gestured for me to go inside. It was much cooler inside though still significantly warmer than I was used to back home.

“Sa-mekh?” he called. “Admiral Kirk is here.”

I braced myself for the sight of the man, the Vulcan, I had loved almost my whole life, and never had. Loving someone who did not love you back was the worst torture.

Spock appeared only a moment later, dressed in the traditional Vulcan robes he always wore now, I supposed. His glance rested on me for only a moment before he turned to his son.

“Thank you, I will see you later.”

Saulvek bowed, taking this as his dismissal, and he turned and went out the door again to the outside.

For a moment we merely stared at each other. I broke first.

“I grieve with thee.”

He nodded. “I have your room ready here, if you’d like to come with your bag.”

I made my way across the floor to where he stood. Or I almost did. My knee decided to be a bitch and give out just as I reached him.

“Oomph.” I crashed right into Spock, who, as usual was steady and prevented me from going down. I breathed out and winced at the pain.

“Are you all right?”

“Obviously not.” I reached down and rubbed the offending knee. “God, that hurt.”

He hesitated. Still held on to me too. “What is the nature of the ailment?”

“Old injuries from when were young. Arthritis.”

“I will help you.” He did, too, refusing to let go of my arm as he led me down a short hallway to a room.

“You know, I really didn’t expect you to put me up at your house. A hotel would have been fine.”

“To have you stay at a hotel would have been scandalous. My father would have felt the same.” He picked up my bag and brought it to the bed. “There is an attached bathroom, as well.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

He hesitated in the doorway rather than leaving right away.

“Was there something else?”

“You-you look well.”

I shrugged. “Khan’s blood. Made the aging process slow down a bit. Except for these damn aches and pains, anyway.” I smiled. “And tell that to the shuttle crew.”

“The shuttle crew?”
“I think they thought I was an octogenarian or something.” I paused, looking him over. Though he was older than me by a few years, at this point he looked younger. Damn Vulcans. Handsome and fit. Hair without even a little gray. I felt like an old fool. In my early sixties or not. “You look amazing.”

At that he inclined his head. “When you are settled, come out for refreshments.”

“All right.”

As soon as he left, I sagged down upon the bed, exhausted.

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