Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings

First blog post

I’m trying this again, a fan fiction site separate from the one I use on AO3. For now I’m not widely advertising it while I see what I do with it.

I’m posting a work in progress that takes place after Star Trek Beyond, called Where My Demons Hide.

I’ll probably post photos and stuff that inspire me. Right now I’m fixated on a picture of Zachary Quinto in the snow that I just have to use for Spock.


Featured post


Still here and still in limbo. Ma hasn’t eaten for five days now but she still drinks a tiny bit of iced tea. I go there every night now to help get her into the bathroom and into bed. It’s taking up a lot of my time other than work and what free time I do have, I try using for fun things like video games or something like that. I am doing a tiny bit of writing when I can fit it in, as you know from what updates I have done.

Anyway that’s where things stand right now.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on

Song Fic Sneak Peek

I haven’t finished it yet but hope to soon. It’s an AU as you will probably be able to tell but I do see the AOS Spirk guys not TOS.

Anyway, I thought I’d share it here since I currently have nothing else to post here.

It’s based on the song, One More Night by Phil Collins.

Spock had a dilemma.

Unfortunately, he had found himself with this dilemma for some time and had found that he was not as much of a man of action as he should be. But the truth was he was in love with a Human and that Human was leaving Vulcan tomorrow.

For the past three months, Ensign James T Kirk of Starfleet, had been on Vulcan on a temporary assignment at the Earth Embassy in ShiKahr. Spock had become acquainted with him. They were, Spock considered, friends.

Spock realized nearly two weeks ago that Spock wished to be more than friends, but he had never taken the time to discuss this with…Jim.

Tomorrow Jim would return to Earth and Spock…would be left with regrets.

He only had one more night, and perhaps that was all he needed.

The problem, though, was he was hardly the only Vulcan who admired Jim. Spock had been aware that Jim had not lacked for company the three months he had been there. He’d gone on numerous dates, with Vulcans, and with other species that made their home on Vulcan. Though Spock did not have direct evidence, he was fairly certain that some of these dates involved certain levels of intimacy.

Intimacy with Jim that Spock had been unable to secure.

Spock had always been introverted. To his detriment. Jim was anything but. He was full of mirth, beauty, and enthusiasm even Vulcans found themselves unable to resist.

Spock looked down at his communication device. He could contact Jim and see if he was available to attend a social evening with Spock. They had, actually, gone out for tea and Vulcan food a time or two as friends. Perhaps he would be able to present his plans in that manner and Jim would agree.

He began to open the device but then abruptly closed it.

What if Jim was not alone?

This was entirely possible.

He might contact Jim, Jim would answer, and Spock could possibly hear someone in the background with Jim. Or Jim could simply say he had other plans. It was his last night after all.

Had Spock missed his chance? Jim was leaving. What kind of relationship could they have? Spock was supposed to start his second year at the Vulcan Science Academy next week.


He turned to see his mother approach him in their home. He stood at the window overlooking her garden, unable, apparently, to do anything.

“Mother, I…”

“What is it, Spock?”

“I have developed feelings, most illogical feelings, for another and I have been unable to disclose their nature to the recipient.”

She stood beside him, looking out at the garden the same as him. “And you wish to?”

“I fear I have left it too long.”

“Why do you believe that?”

“He…departs Vulcan in the morning. Then he will likely be assigned to a starship.”

“Oh.” She nodded. “It is your friend, Jim Kirk.”


“If you do not at least make the attempt, Spock, you will regret it. Always.” She sighed, shook her head. “When I met your father, I held back my feelings for a long time. I thought we would never suit, we had nothing in common. It turned out Sarek was doing the same. One day, when it was, I don’t know, nearly time for us to stop seeing each other, we both admitted to our attraction.” She smiled. “You are the result.”

“I have wasted so much time.” Spock sighed. “And I do not believe there will ever be a time he will feel the same.”

“Why, Spock? Surely, you know your worth.”

“I do not know. He has so many choices.”

“You won’t know what he chooses until you present yourself as one of those choices, Spock.”

Just a Very Short Mother’s Day Flash

Photo by on

“You don’t have to go with me. It’s okay.”

Jim meant it too. He knew that even now, after all these years, Spock acutely felt the loss of his mother. His one champion when no one else was for so long.

“I know that I do not, Jim, but I am going anyway.”

Jim smiled faintly. “Are you sure? I’ll understand. So will Mom.”

For a moment Spock looked away, looking Jim didn’t know where. Into the recesses of his mind, Jim supposed. Jim squeezed Spock’s hand.

They stood outside Jim’s mother’s retirement facility. Jim and his mother had made the decision for her to enter one of those places last year. They’d let the farm go to pay for it. It was one of those places where his mom had her own little apartment, and there was a restaurant and activities. It was at that restaurant where Jim planned to have brunch with her.

Spock gazed back at Jim. “I will always be at your side, you need not fear.”

“I know. But this is different.”

“No, it is not. I am glad we are able to be with your mother today. Because not everyone can be with theirs.”

Jim squeezed Spock’s hand again. “All right then. Let’s go, honey.”

And when they went inside, his mom’s eyes lit up at the sight of them.

Jim went to her, hugged and kissed her.

“Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.”    

Cosmic Love, Chapter 13, May 07, 2021

When I post this all at once on AO3 (if I do so we can all collect it if we want), I’ll probably play around with chapter placement, for now, this is the chapter numbers you get.

Spock kissed Jim for a long time. Holding him close. Arms around his waist. Just kissing. He wanted no pressure on either of them. Yes, he’d brought the necessary lubricant. And yes he wished for them to do whatever they felt like doing, but…on the other hand, he didn’t want to rush Jim. Or himself. They had time.

They made it over to Jim’s single bed. Fell on to it. Lips still connected. Arms still locked around each other. A fleeting thought was that they really needed bigger beds, both of them.

During a particularly heated kiss, Spock managed to knock Jim’s glasses askew, which caused a puff of a laugh to escape from Jim’s mouth to Spock’s and somehow it was like breathing the same air.

Spock removed the glasses and put them on a little side table by Jim’s bed. Now as he drew back and looked into those sapphire eyes, Spock thought they were like the most beautiful of jewels. He felt a bit foolish thinking this but he did anyway.

Jim licked his lips and Spock watched him. He watched Jim’s every move.

“Do you want to…do what we talked about or…like the-the full thing?”

Jim’s shy question filled Spock with so much warm affection and yes, lust, that it was almost too much for a Vulcan. He put his hand on Jim’s face. Everything about him, about this human, felt perfect, felt right.

“I want…everything with you.”

“Have you-you ever—?”

“I have no more experience than you, Jim, but…I have done research and I understand the logistics.”

Jim turned a bit pink, but his smile lit up his face. “Well…as long as you understand the logistics.”

“You are laughing at me.”

Jim shook his head, but his smile widened. “No. I mean, sure, but only a little. I, uh, too did some research. And I know how it works too.”

Spock’s lips twitched. “That is good.”

Jim returned to kissing him, and all amusement fled Spock’s mind, and his thoughts turned to what would happen next.    

Eveningstar’s Birthday Flash (for May 10)

A little early, because her birthday is May 10th but I wanted to get it up now so she could enjoy it before her little wine tasting trip!

Photo by Karley Saagi on

“Stood up again,” Leonard muttered as he lifted his glass of bourbon to his lips and took a large swallow.

Last time they were supposed to meet him at a restaurant, a few months back, some crisis prevented them from showing up. And Leonard was pretty sure getting stood up by Jim for plans dated back to their Academy days. If he thought Spock would be a mature, steadying influence…

He’d at least thought on his birthday, Jim would make the effort. But nope. They were supposed to be there a half hour ago.

He finished his drink and was about to slide right off the stool he sat on so he could be on his way when suddenly the bar’s door burst open and none other than Jim came rushing in, running, literally running, to Leonard.

His face was flushed red, his blue eyes shining, his lips looking a bit puffy. He wore his dress uniform. An admiral’s one, now, though just barely. There was a bit more gray in his hair than before, but still he was in pretty good shape. More than Leonard could probably say for himself. He guessed Khan’s blood was working its magic on Jim.

“Bones! Thank God, I didn’t miss you.”


Jim one armed hugged him and then kissed the top of Leonard’s head. “Happy Birthday!”

“You been drinking already?”

“What?” Jim laughed. “No, no. I’ve had nothing.”

“You seem intoxicated.” Leonard narrowed his eyes.

Jim sat down hard on the stool next to him. “Drunk on love maybe.”

“Please, it’s my birthday.  Where is Spock anyway? Thought he was coming.”

“He’s coming at a much more sedate pace, of course. I said I’d run along ahead to make sure you hadn’t left.”

“Well.” Leonard glared at him. “I’ve been waiting thirty minutes.”

“Exactly. Sorry. So Sorry.” He leaned forward, almost tumbling off the stool, as he kissed the top of Leonard’s head again. “Spock’s got your presents.”

Leonard perked up at this. “Presents?”

“Yep. It’s just some booze and stuff. You can wait to open them later.”

“You wrapped them? Why wrap booze if you were going to tell me? That’s no surprise, you know.”

“You hate surprises anyway. I told you ‘and stuff” so it’s not just booze.”

Leonard snorted. “If you haven’t already been drinking then—”

The door to the bar opened again and this time it was Spock. And he too had dressed in his dress uniform. His arms were full of brightly wrapped birthday presents.

Leonard grinned. “Ah, Jimmy, you shouldn’t have!”

“I know it. But I did.” Jim got up from the stool and rushed toward Spock, grabbing onto his arm, and dragging him the rest of the way. “Need help, honey?”

“I have it, Admiral.”

Leonard rolled his eyes. They’d been shagging for years and Spock still called him his title. Wondered if he did that while they were…nah, Leonard didn’t want to know.

Spock gazed blankly at Leonard, dumped the wrapped presents on the bar beside Leonard, and said, “Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks, Spock.”

Jim looked at Spock as though he’d hung the moon or something. He put his arm around Spock’s waist, and then looked back at Leonard.

“So, we were a little late, because…”

“You were canoodling.”

Jim laughed. “I know that’s your word for—”

“We were not,” Spock said quickly.

“Right. But we were getting married. Barnett married us in his office. His wife and daughter were our witnesses.”

“Wait. What? You got married on my birthday?”

“I had to act fast before Spock changed his mind. We’ll have like a big reception with everyone later.”

“A small one,” Spock said.

“Right,” Jim said again. “With like, I don’t know, five hundred—”


Jim shrugged. “Five hundred fifty then.”


Leonard chuckled. “I can’t believe you saddled yourself to this idiot for the rest of your life.”

“Hey.” The idiot kissed his head again. Jim was very affectionate when he was happy.

Leonard got off his stool. “This calls for a dinner. For my birthday and your marriage. I’ll buy.”

“You can’t buy your own birthday dinner.”

“Watch me.”

Jim hugged him again, a full on one this time. “Thanks, Bones. I’m really happy.”

“I can tell.”

“Happy Birthday, Bones.”

Leonard gathered up his presents with Spock’s help and left the bar to go to a restaurant nearby. Happy Birthday, Eveningstar!~ I hope you enjoy your birthday trip  

Cosmic Love, Chapter 12, May 03, 2021

Got the next part done, so am posting it. Not sure about the rest of the week, but you get this, anyway.

Jim opened the door tentatively to the knock on his dorm door. He had a feeling it was Spock, though he certainly hoped Spock hadn’t thrown his mother out on Jim’s account.

Sure enough the Vulcan stood there.

“Hey.” Jim shifted a bit and pushed up his glasses on his nose. He’d changed into them earlier. “Uh. I’m sorry I bailed on you earlier. It was just…well…”

“I do apologize for the unexpected intrusion of my mother. May I come in?”

Jim held the door open and stepped back. He saw Spock carried a bag.

“What’s that?”

Spock seemed to hesitate and moment, but as Jim closed the door, he opened the bag and withdrew the contents. “I made a stop on the way.”

Jim stared at the bottle of lubricant. Moistened his lips. “Oh.”

“I thought, perhaps, given the interruption, we might wish to…start again.”

“I didn’t mean to be rude to your mom. I just, well, I hadn’t really expected that.”

Spock nodded. “Nor had I. That is not the norm for her. It was to be a surprise.”

Jim smiled a little. “She got that part right.”

“Indeed. Will you…allow me to stay?”

Jim came to him then, put his arms around Spock’s neck, and kissed him, deepening the kiss until Spock murmured low in his throat, kind of a cross between a purr and a growl.

It did crazy things to his heartrate.

“I think…you’d better.”   

Cosmic Love, Chapter 11, April 30, 2021

Spock had Jim lying on his bed—not sure they’d fit on the single, but certainly willing to try—squirming underneath him as he assailed Jim’s mouth with kisses. He had managed to get his finger under Jim’s shirt and was scooting it up to reveal smooth bare skin when—

There was a rather loud knock on his dormitory door.

And right then, Jim basically freaked out. He made a yelping sound, shoved Spock off him, and scrambled to his feet. He was so red that Spock became concerned.


Jim was yanking down his shirt and pressed his palm to his crotch.

Resigned as yet another knock sounded, Spock went to the door and opened it, quite aggravated at the interruption, and ready to bite the head off of whoever it was.

“Spock, I…”

His mother.

She looked past Spock and immediately saw the very embarrassed Jim looking so uncomfortable, Spock had the urge to hold him to calm him down. He could not though.

“I’m so sorry,” Mother exclaimed. “I didn’t know…Hello, I’m-I’m Spock’s mother.”

Jim had already made a beeline for the exit. His blue eyes were a bit shiny and he had reddened more if that was possible.


Mother moved out of his way, because otherwise Spock was certain he’d plow right through her.

“I’ve gotta go, Spock.”

And he was gone.

Mother covered her mouth with her hand. “I’ve interrupted something rather important, haven’t I? I’m sorry, Spock. My visit to San Francisco was unexpected and I just assumed you’d be here and…alone.”

Spock exhaled very slowly. “It is pleasant to see you in any circumstances, Mother.”

“I really am sorry. He looked like a very nice young man.”

Spock nodded. “He is.”

Mother embraced him then, as was her usual way, and Spock brought her to the dining room table while he made tea, her preferred drink.

“You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend.”

He shrugged slightly. “It is a recent event and one that still included preliminary exploration.” He realized how that sounded, given on what she nearly came in on, and cleared his throat. “I will make sure all is well later. For now, I am anxious to learn the meaning of your unexpected visit.”

“It’s nothing nefarious, I assure you. A friend had business here and invited me along. I thought it would be fantastic to see you. It was last minute and I wanted to surprise you.” She smiled warmly. “I guess I have.”

“Indeed.” Spock took a sip of the tea he had made. “A friend.” Though he did not wish to think of her moving on from his father, they had been separated for some time, and the possibility was there. “A male friend?”

“Yes, Spock, my friend is male.”

He felt his jaw clench, though he wished it was not so.

“How is your father?” she asked then.

“Given circumstances, I believe he is well.”

Mother finished her tea, then made to stand. “I’m staying at the Imperial Hotel. Join me for breakfast?”

“Just you?” Spock could not help himself. It was illogical to resent his mother from trying to move on from a relationship that had not worked for her, yet, he supposed he would always be that small boy who watched his mother leave his father and somehow blamed himself.

“Just me.” She smiled as she made her way to the door. “You can bring Jim if you’d like. If he’s willing to see me after what happened tonight.”

“I will see.”

When she left his dorm, Spock did not hesitate. He would go to Jim’s dorm now that she had gone. But first, he made a quick stop at the corner market for, as Jim had said, lubricant.

Cosmic Love, Chapter 10, April 28, 2021

Spock rather surprised himself with those words, his own actions. But somehow, even though he hadn’t even been touching Jim at the time, he’d known what Jim’s thoughts were. And he relished in them. In the very thought that this human was as attracted to him as Spock was to him.

He supposed he should be alarmed by this overwhelming attraction, but he found he could not be, illogical though it might be.

“Okay,” Jim whispered, his face flushed a becoming pink. “Uh. You-you have the-the stuff?”

Spock’s mind blanked. “The stuff?”

Jim licked his lips. “Lubricant. You know for-uh-penetration.”

Spock blinked. Then nodded slowly. “Yes. Yes, I realize. But no, I do not. I hadn’t thought…it was not planned.”

Jim laughed then. “Yeah, not by me either. Well, that sorta sucks.”

“We could go out and attempt to acquire it.”

“Sure.” Jim bit his lip. “Or we could, um, maybe try something else.”

“Something else?”

Jim put his hand on Spock’s neck and drew him forward for a kiss that Spock eagerly reciprocated. For a time, they merely kissed, though it was hardly mere to Spock, then sort of just breathed in each other.

Finally, Jim looked into Spock’s eyes, his gaze a saturated blue he had never experienced on Vulcan or perhaps anywhere, dropped his voice to a bare whisper and said, “Have you heard of a sixty-nine?”

And right there his pulse leaped. Though inexperienced himself, Spock was not naïve, and he knew sexual terms and slang quite well.

He stared into those eyes. Swallowed hard.

“Yes, I am familiar.” Jim smiled, it was wolfish and sweet at the same time. He flicked his head toward Spock’s bed. “Shall we?”

Cosmic Love Chapter 9, April 26. 2021

So I figured if I could write 2 chapters of tentacle sex, I could get something up here (yep, you read that right)

The evening was getting later and later and though it was nice, Jim was staring to wonder if he and Spock were going to just dance around what they both wanted.

Okay, so maybe not that far. Sure, Jim wanted that. He did. But the truth was he had never done that with anyone. And he wanted to. With Spock. Yeah. But first, maybe, they could get something as simple as the first kiss out of the way. Only the night was nearly over, as Jim had previously thought, and he really needed to go back to his own dorm, because he had an insanely early class due to a sadistic professor.

So Jim got up from Spock’s really rather uncomfortable proper sofa and he made his way to the door, thinking about how many times they had to do this before it was okay to get to the really good stuff, and wondering if the night they went for dinner and Bones’ would work. He could totally see his friend going apoplectic thinking he had lost his virginity to Spock that night. But hell, maybe it should do it before that, because that was still a couple of days off, but then there was still that elusive kiss and…

Suddenly he found himself against the wall, right next to the door, being very thoroughly kissed. Very, very thoroughly. Breathless. His breath actually hitched in his throat, something Jim hadn’t known could really happen, and then those Vulcan lips that had just kissed him until his toes curled in his shoes, hovered near his, blowing hots breaths against his tingling lips.

His eyes unfocused, Jim said, ”Wow.”

“You think very loudly,” was Spock’s response.

“Yeah? Is that a good-good thing?”

“It is a very good thing.” Spock kissed him again. “The answer is yes.”

“To what question?”

“It should be before that night. It should be tonight.”

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