I’m trying this again, a fan fiction site separate from the one I use on AO3. For now I’m not widely advertising it while I see what I do with it.
I’m posting a work in progress that takes place after Star Trek Beyond, called Where My Demons Hide.
I’ll probably post photos and stuff that inspire me. Right now I’m fixated on a picture of Zachary Quinto in the snow that I just have to use for Spock.
It’s that time again, time for a 5 plus 1 story. And since I did a 5 times Jim told Spock he loved him and the one time Spock told Jim, well… I am sure you get the theme.
One
Spock hadn’t ever said I Love You to Nyota. He had managed to get by with things like “I hold you in the highest regard” and “I care about you” and even “You have my affections”. Once he had said, “There is no one else I would rather be with”. That had been true at the time. Until it wasn’t true anymore. Yes, he still cared and still held her in high regard, but ultimately someone else held his affections and he did want to be with Jim, their captain.
Their breakup had been messier than Spock had wanted it to be. They’d ended things before Krall and Altamid, back when Spock had thought he was going to New Vulcan. And when he changed his mind, based on Jim’s needs—but no, based on his own needs—Nyota had misunderstood. He had gone to save her when she was in danger, because of his affection for her, and he had attended Jim’s birthday party to spend time with her, but also Jim, and she had thought it meant he wanted to continue their relationship. When Spock explained the truth, well, the end had been messy. They were better now. All of them.
Spock had established a romantic relationship with Jim when Jim expressed a mutual interest. The sexual part had been beyond anything Spock could have imagined.
Two months into that relationship and spending almost every single night with Jim, either making love or just sleeping together, Spock had dared to whisper those three words for the first time in his life, “I love you.”
He had felt Jim’s smile against his bare arm and Jim had given him a hard squeeze.
And said, “Who do you think should be on tomorrow’s landing party?”
Spock had replied, dutifully, of course, and the moment passed.
I recently rewatched The Finest Hours with CP. I just love that movie and he’s great in it.
It got me thinking of my own fic that was inspired by it, Bitter Frost and if you haven’t read it you are missing out in my opinion. And yes I do so say so myself! Anyway I thought a little flash to remember it by was in order.
“Do you ever think about him?”
Spock looked up from his meditation mat to his captain sitting behind the desk in their quarters. “Him?”
Jim smiled gently. “The one you met in the past when you wanted to save us both from the Marconians.”
“Yes,” Spock admitted. “I loved him.” He rose from the mat and walked over to Jim. “I love you more than anything or anyone I have ever known, but yes, I loved him. In many ways he was like you but in others? Quite different. He was sweet and kind and-“
Jim laughed. “I’ll try not to take offense to that.”
“None is meant, ashaya.” He touched Jim’s face. “I would follow you to the ends of the universe and have. My goal then was to save you. That would never change. But you have always had an edge he never did. He was the kindest man I have ever known. And I apologize if that affection for him bothers you.”
“It doesn’t. I mean we talked about that. I just wondered is all. I sometimes think about Ambassador Spock, so I wondered if you do him. “
“I do. But he is gone. He has been gone for hundreds of years now. His happiness with Sadie was genuine. I am content that he had a grand life.” Spock leaned in and kissed Jim. “But ours is surely grander. Come to bed so I can show you just how much I love you.”
Okay folks now is your chance to advise what you’d like to see for the month of July and the now famous Christmas in July posts (LOL).
I’ll state the obvious here as I know there will be those requesting it. Yes, Vanik will be featured.
So if there is anything else you’d like to see, now is your chance
“Well be-bop-a-lula, she’s my baby
Be-bop-a-lula, I don’t mean maybe
Be-bop-a-lula, she’s my baby
Be-bop-a-lula, I don’t mean maybe
Be-bop-a-lula, she’s my baby doll
My baby doll, my baby doll”
“Please explain the meaning of these words.”
Jim stopped dancing around the kitchen to stare at the Vulcan boy who stood just outside the dance floor—er kitchen.
“Vanik. Spock let you in?”
Vanik hesitated before answering. “I obtained entry via Spock…yes.”
Jim nodded. “Nothing really. I mean it’s just a silly song. From a long time ago.”
“What are you doing, Jim?”
“Baking dinner rolls.”
The boy nodded. “That explains the delicious smell. What are we having?”
Jim laughed. “Sorry, kid. You can’t come this time. It’s an adult dinner. We’re having roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, and cheesecake.”
“And dinner rolls,” Vanik replied. “Very well. I understand there are times adults need to do things without the interference of minors. What is Uncle Spock eating?”
“A quinoa dish formed into the mold of a chicken.”
“You are jesting.”
“No, I swear.” Jim laughed again and held up his hands. “It’s going to be delicious. I think. Anyway. He’ll say it is.”
“Of that I am certain. He has finally learned his lesson not to say something that would threaten the very good thing he has going with you.”
“Did he say that?”
“Indeed.” Vanik paused. “Actually Father did and Uncle Spock agreed. Do you know what today is?”
“Uh.”
“June 01.”
“Right. Yes.”
“And the significance?”
“You got me there, Vanik. Your birthday?”
“Certainly not. My birthday is in the month of September. A month from July.”
Jim turned to look in the oven when his timer went off. “Yep. July follows June.”
“We have that time to decide what to do for the Christmas in July festivities.”
Jim straightened and looked over his shoulder. “Are we still doing that?”
“Why would we not?”
“Well. Aren’t you getting tired of it?”
“Hardly. I look forward to it each year.”
“Vanik.”
They both turned to see Spock standing behind the boy.
“Uncle Spock, I greet you.”
Jim frowned. “Did you just get in?”
“Yes.”
“I thought Vanik said you let him in.”
“I did not. Did you use my code again?” Spock shook his head. “It is time to change it again.”
“Anyway,” Vanik said loudly, after clearing his throat. “I believe, as Humans say, that is my cue to leave. Do not forget what we discussed.”
Jim watched the kid leave and then kissed Spock. “I greet you,” he said with a laugh and a wink.
“Mm. What did you discuss with my nephew?”
“Christmas in July. I think.”
Spock sighed. “Again?”
“Happens every year, babe. Happens every year.”
When super blood-or super villain blood-keeps you going much longer than your life was originally scheduled for, well, you ended up outliving pretty much everyone you’d ever known.
But today was about honoring those who had died in service to Starfleet and the Federation.
He stopped at Pike’s, Carol’s, and Chekov’s along the way. A few more that had served under him. Hendorff’s. Giotto’s.
And finally he stopped at his dad’s. Of all those sections in the Memorial he had visited, his dad was the only one he’d never gotten to know. Not even briefly, like Sam.
His thoughts strayed to his late brother. Gone now too, since there’d been no miracle blood to prolong his life. They’d reconciled at the end but they’d missed far too many years over too many hurt feelings.
By the time he made it out of the Memorial, he was exhausted. Not because he felt any physical weakness. He didn’t at all. But the emotional toll was great.
So he stood there outside of it, leaning against a wall, closing his eyes as a sort of survivor’s guilt assailed him.
“Jim.”
A soft touch on his elbow.
He opened his eyes to look into the concerned dark eyes of his husband.
“Hi, Spock.”
“You did not wait and went without me.”
Jim nodded. “I can wait here if you want to go.”
Spock looked past him to the entrance. “No. My place is with you. I mourn their memories.” Spock took Jim’s arm and helped him to walk away from the building.
“Did you make the arrangements for your father?”
Another loss. Another memory. Or a thousand memories.
“Yes.” Spock said nothing else as they walked together. They remained quiet as they made their way home. It was good to have each other. In that the miracle of Kahn’s blood had blessed him.
I’m off for another adventure and won’t return until Sunday afternoon, so have some Vanik and Jim. One of my favorite combinations!
Jim felt weak, sweaty, and like he was probably going to barf again. He struggled to lift his head when he hear the sound of someone approaching his bed. Not an easy task because his head felt like it weighed eighty pounds.
“I have come to check on you again as promised.”
He eyed Vanik out of blood-shot eyeballs. “Did you check on me only ten minutes ago?”
“Negative. It was thirty minutes ago. I promised Uncle Spock that while he was away I would keep a very steady eye on you.”
“Yeah, okay, but how am I supposed to rest if you keep coming in to check on me every ten minutes?”
“Thirty.”
“Still.”
“Uncle Spock was called away and gave me task until he could return. He was given the task by your own friend, Leonard McCoy, the doctor.”
“I know, I know.”
“Doctor McCoy was required in Georgia for a family emergency. Neither the doctor nor Uncle Spock thought you should be left alone for long periods of time.”
“I have the flu not a fatal illness.”
“During the year of nineteen hundred eighteen on planet, Earth, it is estimated anywhere from seventeen million to fifty million died from influenza.” Vanik paused. “It is time to take your temperature. I have brought the one to scan your forehead.”
Jim sighed, sunk his head back down on the pillow and gave into the inevitable.
“Your fever had reduced a degree but is still alarming. I will check again thirty minutes from now. Do you require tea?”
“I’ll just barf it back up. When does Spock return?”
“His last message estimated nine o’clock this evening.”
“What time is it?”
“Two in the afternoon.”
Jim sighed again. “Okay see you again in thirty minutes.”
“You can count on it.”
I had promised that I would eventually get around to the second part of the flash where Jim and Spock have a son “Tommy” and the mother visits the space station. Taken me a while but here it is. I added the first part too, to remind you of the story. Here’s the thing in full. Enjoy!
Jim sat alone at a two-seater table in the corner of a canteen restaurant on Space Station 12. He had his PADD with him, but at that moment he was people watching.
Half-listening for the beep from his PADD when he received a new message. He was waiting for one from Spock.
They’d been parted now for nearly four months and it was wearing on him.
Jim hadn’t accepted retirement, but he had accepted that he wouldn’t be captain of a starship anymore. Instead he was acting as the military head of this very space station.
And Spock had taken on the ambassadorial duties of his father when Sarek had been too unwell to complete them. Spock was spending his time between Earth, New Vulcan, and Space Station 12. And it seemed to Jim that his location got the least amount of attention from Spock.
Jim got it. He did. And it wouldn’t be forever.
The blood he’d received from Khan all those years prior had insured he would live a life far more matched to Spock’s and for that he was grateful. But he would very much like to spend that life with Spock more often.
Last time Spock was here, he’d been there only a month before leaving for New Vulcan. Jim had traveled four months ago for a visit with Spock on Earth, for a mere two weeks, and he’d had to return.
He spotted the Human woman the minute she’d entered the canteen. She was dressed all in shiny silver, a mini skirt with a halter top. Her white hair was pulled back in a pony-tail reminiscent of the way Uhura had once worn hers. Dangling from her ears were large silver hoop earrings. Even her makeup was silver, glittery. And she looked his way.
When she reached him, she sat down without invitation.
“Admiral Kirk.”
“Jody. I wasn’t aware you were on the Station.” Which annoyed him. He should be alerted to all who arrived. Some security.
She smirked. “Sorry, sir. I should have let you know I was coming. You’re alone?”
He shrugged. ”Unless you’re sitting on someone very tiny.”
Jody laughed. “You haven’t changed.”
“Did you expect I would?”
“No.” She sighed. “Where is he?”
“In class. He doesn’t get out for another two hours.” Jim sighed and picked up his coffee cup, taking a sip, then grimacing when it was cold. “He’ll be glad to see you.”
“What about you, Jim? Are you glad?”
“That ship sailed, as you know.”
“True. I’m just passing through. I’ll be on my way tomorrow, so you needn’t worry I’ll overstay my welcome.”
“Where are you off to?”
“I’ve taken a job on Caltos 6. Six-months. I wanted to see my son before I went.”
He nodded. “As I said, he’ll be glad to see you.”
“Where’s your husband?”
“Working.”
“You two, always busy.”
Jody, of course, had been Jim’s mistake before he and Spock ever got together. Back on a place just like this. Yorktown. They’d spent a few weeks together pretending to have a romance, Jim supposed. It was only ever sex for him as he loved Spock even back then, but he had liked her.
But then after she left, after it was over, she informed Jim she’d gotten pregnant. Their son, Thomas, stayed with Jim fulltime. Jody didn’t want to be tied down to a child, she’d been clear about that, but she did visit Thomas when she could, and they did have a loving if somewhat distant relationship.
“I’m waiting to hear from him now.”
“He’s coming to the canteen?”
“No. He’s on New Vulcan.”
“Oh.” She nodded. “I’ve got some things to take care of. Can I meet you at Thomas’ school in a couple of hours? Maybe we can have take-out together at your apartment.”
“Sure. Okay.”
She smiled, stood, and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “See you in a bit, Admiral.”
Jody turned around and walked right into a tall, thin Vulcan.
Jim stood up immediately, aware he was grinning like a fool. “Spock!”
Spock arched a brow at Jody and stepped around her to accept Jim’s embrace.
“I was waiting for your message.”
“I decided to surprise you,” Spock said. He looked at Jody. “Clearly this is your day to be surprised.”
“Nice to see you again, Spock,” Jody said. “Don’t worry I am leaving again tomorrow.”
“I was not, in fact, worried.”
“She’s going to eat with the family tonight. She wanted to see Tommy before she’s off on a six-month assignment,” Jim explained.
“She will be welcome.”
Jody laughed. “Doubtful, but I appreciate the sentiment. I will see you soon.”
Jim watched her walk away. He put his hands on Spock’s arms. ”Sorry about that. She did surprise me.”
“It is not your fault. And I am actually glad I will be here for her visit.”
“I don’t think I need protecting from Jody.”
Spock gave him a reproachful look. “I do not think she will attack you, but I wish to be there with my family.”
Jim linked his arm with Spock’s. “And we want you there, too. How long are you here this time?”
“For the foreseeable future, Ashaya.”
And now with Spock beside him, Jim knew he was ready to face anything. Even his son’s mother.
****
Despite Jim’s statement that he didn’t need protecting from Jody, Spock knew his husband well. He didn’t miss the tightening in Jim’s shoulders or the pinched look near his eyes. These were definite signs of Jim’s stress as he was well familiar.
Later when they were alone and could put Thomas’ mother’s visit behind him, Spock would make it his priority to care for Jim.
Spock could not help but appreciate that when they arrived at their son’s school, Thomas ran straight to him. He readily accepted the child’s enthusiastic embrace.
“Father! I didn’t know you were home.” Thomas shot a brief accusatory glance at his dad.
“Only just home a short time ago,” Spock assured him. “I managed to surprise even your dad.”
As Thomas released Spock and turned to speak to his dad his gaze rested on the approach of Jody, his mother. The boy’s eyes widened slightly and he put a hand on Jim’s arm.
“It’s okay, buddy. She wanted to surprise you,” Jim told his son. He smiled. “It’s okay,” he repeated.
Thomas nodded and then turned to greet his mother. “Hi Mom.”
He hugged her with much less enthusiasm but he did smile and Spock wasn’t even sure she would notice the difference.
“Hi baby. I wanted to surprise you.”
“I am surprised.”
She laughed and ruffled his hair. “I’m leaving tomorrow for a new planet but I couldn’t go by here without stopping to see you. Your dad and Spock generously said I could have dinner with you guys tonight.”
“Great,” Thomas said.
“I brought gifts too,” she told her son, putting her arm around him. She glanced at Spock and Jim. “Ready?”
“Sure thing,” Jim agreed.
They lived in a two-story villa on the Space Station that overlooked the main city area. The living room and their bedroom had a spectacular view of the city lights and the man-made water feature. Yorktown had nothing on Space Station 12. Jim had his pick of which one he’d be in charge of and he had chosen 12. Spock had approved.
“I’ll order something to be delivered,” Jim said when they arrived. “Tommy, why don’t you show your mom your room?”
“Okay.”
And off they went.
Jim shook his head, went to the whiskey decanter, opened it, and poured himself a drink.
“Are you worried?” Spock asked.
“Worried? About what?”
“Her arrival.”
“No. I believe her when she says she’s leaving again tomorrow.” Jim took his drink to the floor to ceiling picture window. Spock followed him there. “I used to be concerned.”
“About wanting to take her son?”
“Our son. He’s ours, Spock. Yours and mine. She shows up a few times in his life with a smile and gifts like it makes up for her wanting nothing to do with him.” Jim sighed.
“Like your mother did with you,” Spock surmised.
“I love my mom. She did the best she could,” Jim said softly.
“And you have a good relationship with her now. But when you were a child…”
Jim shook his head. “I know. But I don’t really think the situation with Jody is the same. And the truth is, I used to worry she’d come back to take Tommy but I don’t worry about that anymore. She doesn’t want him. She wants to live whatever life she has with no responsibilities to the boy she gave birth to. Tommy is ours and he wants to be with us. If I ever had to fight with her over it, you and I both know I’d win. But she won’t. It’s not what she wants.”
“I am sorry you sometimes have to manage all this without me here.”
Jim smiled, put his drink down, and walked into Spock’s embrace. Spock wrapped his arms around his husband.
“We knew what we were getting into when you took on the ambassadorship. And me this station. We always work it out because we want to. We love each other and there’s no one else for either of us. I don’t blame you when you aren’t here. But I do miss you.”
“And I miss you. I will be here with you, with our family for some time. What duties I currently have can be managed from here.”
“Fantastic.” Jim gave him a squeeze and then stepped out of his arms. “Guess I better order that food.”
“I will do it. You finish your drink.”
Jim blew out a breath. “Thanks. I love you, Spock.”
“And I always you. Eternally.”
I’m working on completing Random Stranger so I hope to have that done and up soon within the next few days.
I’m in the office today for the last time for May. My boss wanted to take us to lunch so we went in.
This Sunday will be two years since my mother passed away so my sister and I are having a little memorial that day, going to the grave, having a special meal, drinking some wine. I have the next day, Monday the 22nd off. I also have a vacation coming up at the end of May and a funeral to attend. So I’ll be happy to get Random Stranger finished.
So that’s it for now! I’ll keep you posted if anything changes.
Roses from sister’s backyard
A teensy sequel to yesterday’s flash
“There you are.”
Jim smiled at his husband as he closed and locked their apartment door. “Yeah, sorry. Mom and I had a few too many margaritas and decided to walk through the park.”
Spock held open his arms and Jim went into them immediately. He noticed how tight Spock hugged him.
“Hey, are you alright?”
“Yes.”
Jim pulled away and looked at him. “How’d it go with your dad?”
“As usual. I apologize, Jim, I should have gone with you to see your mother.”
“It’s no big deal.”
“It is. You are my mate and your needs are more important than mine.”
“Spock, that’s not true.”
“It is to me. How was your dinner?”
“Good. It was good.” Jim took his hand and led him over to the kitchen. “You want me to make you some tea or something?”
“I am fully recovered.”
Jim smiled. The truth was Spock looked wrecked. He had dark smudges under his eyes and he still had a tremor in his hands. But Jim did not argue. “Tea?”
“I can get whatever it is you need,” Spock said instead.
He sighed heavily, grabbed Spock’s hand, and now led him to the sofa. He pulled the Vulcan down to sit and then perched beside him.
“Listen to me. I’m fine. I’m not injured. I’m not frightened of you. I love you. Everything is good between us.”
“Your tissue was torn—”
“Sure, a little. But it got fixed. We were both exhausted but of course we were. You have to stop blaming yourself for something you couldn’t control. We got through it and we’re both good.”
Spock closed his eyes.
Jim took Spock’s hand and put it on his face. “Meld us. You’ll see how good we are.”
A moment later, Spock’s eyes opened and Jim smiled again.
“See?”
“I will never be all right with hurting you.”
“I know,” Jim said softly. “We’re good. I’m not hurt. I love you.”
Spock nodded and exhaled. “Do you think your mother would go to dinner with us tomorrow night?”
“Yes, I’m sure. But why don’t we invite her here and we’ll cook her dinner.”
“That is a good idea.”
“Tea?” Jim asked again.
“Let’s make it together.”
Jim chuckled, kissed him, and pulled him up from the couch. He’d text his mother later. Maybe after some very close time with Spock.
Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto) 