Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings

You’ll All Think I’m Nuts but…

A while back I spent an insane amount of money to get a picture of the TOS cast (from the movies) from Galaxy Con with three signatures of the remaining four Trek cast members (Walter, George and Bill).

It arrived today. I tried to get a decent picture without the light shining on it. Not sure I succeeded.

I’ll be getting it framed, of course (and yes that is part of my hand lol, if I didn’t hold it there was a HUGE spot of light in the middle, ah well I tried)

Flash Fic, November 12, 2021

This one is a touch sad and begs for some sort of sequel resolution, so you might see one in the December flashes! Different kind of jealousy too!

Winona had always had trouble bonding with her son, Jim. There was the whole becoming a widow on the date of Jim’s birth, sure, but there were other reasons, mostly her fault, she knew, but Jim had always been…distant with her in a way Sam never had been.

Of course, Sam had left and Jim had not, but still, now she had reconciled with her older son, but Jim remained elusive to her.

Oh it was nothing outright. He called her Mom never Mother, he was always polite, if not warm, he smiled at her, if it lacked warmth, and never disparaged her to anyone.

Yet as she watched Spock’s interaction with his mother, Amanda, she could see the difference.

They were both there in San Francisco to visit their sons while they attended Starfleet Academy. Jim had told her all about his new, bourgeoning relationship with the Vulcan, and by the time Winona had arranged a visit, Jim had moved into Spock’s off-campus apartment.

To her surprise, Spock’s mother, Amanda Grayson, was also there.

Thus why as they all went to dinner together, Winona was able to notice the difference in how Spock was with his mother.

Even though Spock was a Vulcan, he was noticeably warmer in his behavior toward his mother than Jim was with her. Subtle little things. Nothing she could even point to if asked, but she felt it.

When they both went to the bathroom together, that was Spock and Jim, not her and Winona, she used that chance to mention her observations to the other human woman.

“I envy you,” Winona said plainly. Then she laughed and shook her head. “Who am I kidding? I’m flat out jealous.”

Amanda gave her a funny look. “Jealous? Over what? I can’t imagine.”

She sighed. “Your easy relationship with Spock. I’ve never had that with Jim.”

“Really? I don’t sense any tension or awkwardness between you.”

“Oh, nothing that obvious. Jim’s far too good of a boy to allow that to filter through.” She sighed again and leaned her chin on her hand. “I’m not making sense, I’m sure. But I know what I mean. Anyway, you’re lucky. I can tell how much Spock loves and respects you as his mother.”

A moment later, their sons returned, and they continued with their visit.

A couple of days later, Jim walked with her to the shuttlebay for her return to Riverside.  

“I’m very happy you’re doing so well with the Academy and with Spock.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

They didn’t say anything else until they got to where her gate was located.

“Maybe you can come home for Christmas, you know when your break comes next month.”

He gave her a vague smile. “Maybe. I’ll see if I can manage it.”

“I can get a tree. Really decorate it up. All your favorite foods.”

“We’ll see.”

She bit her lip. “You can bring Spock.”

His smile never dimmed. “Maybe. I’ll let you know. Looks like they’re getting ready to board.”

She knew that was her gentle dismissal. Yes, he’d been rather like that almost from when he was a small child and certainly since Frank.

“Jim, we’re all right, aren’t we? You and me?” she ventured to ask, even though she knew without a doubt he would say yes, no matter what the truth of it was.

“Of course we are,” he gave her the predicted answer.

She moved to hug him and she was delighted when he didn’t move away as he had when she had arrived for her visit. That had hurt though she had done her damndest to hide it.

    She held on tight to him while she could and she couldn’t help but notice how much like George he was. He even smelled like George. George would have been crazy nuts for Jim, just as he had been for Sam.

When she had become pregnant with Jim, George had been enthusiastic enough at the prospect that this one might be a girl, but she knew deep down he wanted another boy. They’d decided to keep it a secret until the time. And she wished they hadn’t because there would have been things they could have enjoyed in the planning for their second son that they’d never been able to do.

“You don’t want to miss your shuttle.”

Jim spoke softly and kindly as he always did, but that distant hint of dismissal was there just the same. Her heart twisted a bit, but she released her hold on him, and tried not to show him how very close to tears she was.

A silly, melancholy old woman was what she had become.

“I had a wonderful visit.”

“Me too,” Jim assured her and it even sounded sincere.

“I love you, baby.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

And she turned and went through the gate. When she turned back around to wave goodbye, he had already moved away, his long legs had already taken him far away from her.

“Let me do it myself, Mommy!”

Words she remembered him saying so often to her as a child. He never wanted her to help him.

Winona wiped her eyes, turned back around and went to go to he shuttle, praying that Jim would come for Christmas break, but knowing she would likely be disappointed.

My Trip

My mother liked to gamble much of her life.

When my father was alive, they both loved Vegas. So much so that they briefly lived there after my mother retired. They had to be brought back from there because they couldn’t stop spending money but that’s another story.

When we would take my mother to Vegas, while we were checking in, she was already sitting at a machine. Up until the pandemic hit, she played bingo every Wednesday at the local Elks Lodge. Over the years, she won many jackpots (about $5,000 or so at a time mind).

So when we take these kinds of trips my mind is often on her. Definitely this time for a trip she would have loved. Back when she still could love anything (before dementia and Leukemia). More on that in a minute

Our view…pretty nice, yes?

So I was playing one of my favorite slot machines and playing the minimum bet of 88 cents per spin. I’d played about 9 or so spins when I got the bonus on it. That’s when this little jar’s lid closes. You get either the mini, the minor, the major or the grand jackpot. The mini was like $15. Almost 100% of the time that’s what I get. Once in a while I get the minor which is about $30-$60 depending on how recently it’s gone off. This time…

I got the grand. Which never happens on an 88 cent bet. Ask anyone. But it did. Yes, I won $17,000. It’s going into my retirement savings, but yes. It was a bit of an excitement. It’ll never happen again but my mother had a hand in it, I am convinced. I had her blessings as total this trip I ended up winning about $19,000 and my sister about $7,000. So yes, my mother blessed us.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to say because I didn’t want anyone to think I was bragging or whatever, but since you did ask, I am sharing here.

Flash Fic, November 10, 2021

“What’s wrong with you?”

Spock was surprised by the question as he did not believe anyone would know there was anything wrong with him. He had thought he had hid it well as he always did.

He sipped his tea and gave McCoy a slight shrug. “Nothing is wrong, Doctor. I am merely contemplating the recent…situation with the captain and the native on the planet.”



“What about it?” McCoy picked up his fork and stabbed into a plate of eggs.

“I would not have expected the captain to take a wife and…”

“Expect a child with her?”

“ Yes.”

The doctor shrugged. “He had amnesia and forgot all about his life.”

“About us.”

“Right. That bothers you somehow, huh?”

It did but Spock was not sure how to admit it.

McCoy smirked. “You thought we were somehow unforgettable.” He paused for a gulp of coffee. “You thought you were.”

Spock shook his head in deniable.

“That emotion you’re feeling—”

“Emotions are illogical.”

“Is jealousy.”

“Vulcans do not feel—”

McCoy waved this away. “I’m not saying you feel jealous romantically, but you are jealous that your friend could forget your very existence, considering how much time you spend together.”

Spock was saved from arguing further by the arrival of the captain. Kirk paused a moment to look at them somewhat quizzically before approaching them with his tray of French Toast.


“Morning, Spock, Morning Bones. You two looked serious. Something on your minds?”

Spock nearly asked the captain how he felt about the loss of his wife and child, but it was not his business, and at breakfast in the mess was not appropriate anyway.

“No, Captain, there is nothing.”

And a short time later, Spock excused himself to report to the bridge. He didn’t wish to analyze McCoy’s words as to whether he was indeed jealous. He dismissed the possibility as unlikely and decided, that night, he would meditate for a longer time to clear his mind.

Flash Fic, November 08, 2021

“Spock’s a total cuddler.”

Jim really wished he hadn’t just heard that.

Uhura, Christine Chapel, and Janice Rand were seated a table nearby in the mess room gossiping, apparently, about their lovers.

“No way!” Chapel exclaimed. “Spock?”

Uhura laughed. “Right? But trust me. He’s been like that since the first time we slept together back in the Academy. It’s so sweet.”

Jim blanched and rose from the table. He didn’t want to hear anymore. This was making his heart hurt and his stomach churn.

Never mind he had no right to these feelings, that didn’t matter.

As he was departing the mess, Bones was about to step in.

“Hey, where are you going? Thought we were gonna have something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry,” he snapped, without meaning to, really, but he knew he had, and he kept going out of the mess and down the corridor to the turbolift.

At least he made it to his quarters before the sting of tears pricked his eyes. And he was angry with himself. So angry he kicked his desk and then paced around the room, wiping his eyes.

This was why he didn’t do relationships.

Jealousy sucked. He absolutely hated this feeling.

After a while he calmed down, but he still ignored the door when someone chimed. He was fairly certain he knew who it would be and he didn’t want to deal with that right now.

He took a shower and went to bed after. Never did have anything to eat.

And when he woke the next morning, Jim was hungry so he shoved a quick bowl of oatmeal into his mouth and headed to the bridge.

Spock was already at his station and so was Uhura. As Jim made his way to his captain’s chair, he saw them exchange a look.

The rest of the ship, Jim stuck to business, only giving short, clipped answers if anyone tried to engage him in conversation. They all soon gave up and he was quite aware as he heard whisperings of the captain’s bad mood.

He practically ran into turbolift and closed the doors before anyone could follow him.

He’d already declined a dinner invite from Bones.

Yeah, he was sulking a bit. And he was still feeling jealous. His mood was dark, so sure, he decided it was better to avoid everyone until he got over it. And he was sure he would.

But after he’d had a chicken sandwich and sat down to do reports in his quarters, he finally answered the chime at his door.


Of course it was Spock. He’d expected that.

Normally Spock would stand in front of Jim, hands clenched behind his back, but this time he approached Jim’s desk, hands outstretched.

“Jim, have I done something wrong?”


“Your word says no but your expression and behavior say otherwise.”

“I…Spock, I don’t think this is working.”

Spock blinked. “What?”

“You and me. I thought maybe we could make it work, but it’s not. Not for me.”

“I do not understand.”

“The jealousy is eating me up,” Jim admitted.

“Jealousy? What are you jealous of?”


“We ended our relationship and—”

“I know. I do. But I heard her talking about how you are a cuddler with her friends.” Jim paused. “You never cuddle with me. And that made me feel like you’ll never love me as much as I love you or even as much as you loved her.”

“I love you more,” Spock said quietly.


“When we began, there was one night that I went to put my arm around you and—”

“I pushed you away.”

“Yes.” Spock swallowed hard. “The last thing I wished to do was give you a reason to-to end things between us, but it appears I have done so anyway.”

Jim closed his eyes briefly. “I’m sorry. I don’t…I’ve never done this. Not like this. And that night I was so overwhelmed by everything I just reacted badly. I didn’t mean to let you think I didn’t want you to touch me after.”

Spock exhaled. “I need you to be honest with me, Jim, and not shut down every time something is bothering you. I am living in constant fear that you will terminate our relationship if I do something you do not approve of or if you are displeased. It is not a pleasant feeling.”

Jim came from around the desk and pulled Spock into his arms, hugging him close. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize.”

“I know. Please, when something bothers you or you hear something, talk to me. Tell me how you feel. I cannot rectify it if I do not know.”

Jim nodded against him. “I want you to cuddle me. And I swear I am not looking for ways to end things between us. What I said earlier notwithstanding.”

“There is no one else I want and love like you. There is no need to be jealous. I promise.  I will be more than happy to spend all night cuddling you.”

Jim smiled. “Okay. Deal.”

And that night, Jim felt loved and cherished. And yes, cuddled.

Flash Fic, November 05, 2021

“You are going to the fall festival with the doctor?” Spock asked.

Jim didn’t even look up from his PADD. “Uh-huh.”

They were seated outside under an umbrella. Spock had hot tea and Jim had something called a Pumpkin Chai Latte over ice.

They had both removed their Academy attire for the day. Jim wore obscenely tight jeans and a T-shirt that declared Happy Fall Y’all, which Spock had pointed out many times was grammatically incorrect, and Spock wore much looser denim trousers and a burgundy sweater.

“But why?”

“Because he asked me.” Jim looked up at Spock at last. “If you remember, you said you had—and I’m quoting here—’zero interest in attending such a festivity’.”

“I thought we had agreed not to go.”

Jim gave Spock one of those smiles he generally reserved for those he thought were idiots. Spock was somewhat surprised to be on the receiving end of one.

“No, Spock. You agreed not to go. I did no such thing. Bones asked and I said yes.”

“But…you and I are…” And here Spock floundered for the proper term. Neither ‘dating’ nor ‘seeing each other’ quite seemed right. For that matter ‘sleeping together’ wasn’t quite it either.

At least this time, Jim helped him out.

“Right, I know. But that has nothing to do with this.”

“It does not?”

“No. Bones and I are going together as friends who want to go. No big deal.”

“Then I will go as well.”

Jim stuck the straw of his drink into his mouth, but not before Spock caught a hint of that same smile.

“Why?” Jim asked.

“Because if you are going, I should go.”

“We’re not joined at the hip, sweetheart.”

And Spock warmed at the endearment even though he tried not to. He liked it when Jim used such terms for him. Illogical nonsense but there it was.

“I realize but…”

Jim was now tilting his head this way and that as he peered at Spock. “Oh. I get it.”

“Get what?”

He laughed. “You’re jealous.”

Spock was affronted. “I most certainly am not.”

“Yeah you are. You don’t like me doing things with Bones that don’t include you. It’s silly. I’m not interested in Bones. I’m interested in you. I would think my screaming your name last night would have convinced you.” He shrugged.


Jim laughed again. “We’re friends only. Just like you and…” He wrinkled his nose in the same way he did when he smelled Spock cooking broccoli.

“Nyota,” Spock supplied.

“Yeah her. Anyway, there’s no need for you to go to the fall festival. Stay home and do whatever it is Vulcans do when their mates aren’t with them.”

Spock sniffed. “Most Vulcan mates don’t date others.”


“Very well.” Spock paused. “What time are we leaving for the festival?”

Jim rolled his eyes but sighed. “Ten tomorrow morning.”

Spock nodded. “I will be ready.”

“Swell.” Jim laughed. “No, I mean that. I do.” He held his drink out for Spock to try, who did so.

“Not terrible.”

“There you see. Finish up and let’s go home.”

Spock did and as they walked to their apartment, he wondered how he got manipulated into going to the fall festival. Because he was certain that somehow…he was.

On Pause

Of all AO3 updates right now.

I have SIX more flashes to write for November so yes, I maybe panicking a bit. I did write ONE for December.

I’m also gone Sunday, Monday and Tuesday coming up so this is just making things crazier. So for now, please be patient. I know things need updating but I simply do not have time.


Flash Fic, November 03, 2021

“Oh yeah, that was Jensen. She’s an admiral now, but back then—”

“Captain,” Spock interrupted. Though to do so was rude. Spock knew. “I have no desire to listen to your past conquests.”

Judging by the suddenly closed off look on Jim’s face, Spock had managed to cause offense. That had not been his intention, but it was quite true he had no desire to hear about Jim and others. Spock experienced a not insignificant amount of jealousy during such discussions.


It was all Jim said and it was said softly.

They were on shore leave in a booth in a quiet little bar of Jim’s choosing. Spock would have rather sat at a café but Jim wanted a drink and since these days Jim rarely got to relax and indulge, Spock did not disagree.

“It is not that I do not wish to hear about your life, it is—”

“It’s fine, Spock. I get it.”

“I meant no offense,” Spock tried again.

Jim smiled, but it was a fake smile. Spock knew the difference.

“I’m not offended. But I am tired. What do you say I finish this drink and we go back to the ship?”

“But I thought we had dinner reservations at that restaurant you wished to try. The one recommended by your brother.”

Jim waved that away. “Sam always had terrible taste. Let’s just cancel that. We can always grab something in the mess room later.”

When Jim made to slide out of the booth, Spock stopped him with his hand on Jim’s wrist. Blue eyes flew up to look at him in surprise.

“I find you and anything to do with you endlessly fascinating. My reasons for not wishing to hear about past paramours are purely selfish. I am…jealous of anyone that has ever gotten to touch you before me.”

This time Jim smiled genuinely.

“You silly Vulcan. None of them matter. I only have eyes for you.”

“And all your other body parts, I hope.” Spock arched a brow.

Jim laughed. “Definitely. Come on. Let me finish this and then we’ll make that reservation.”

“What about Sam’s poor taste?”

“Maybe he got this right.” Jim winked. “He did tell me you were perfect for me.”

Spock inclined his head. “And for that push in my direction, I am grateful.”

Sneak Peek of Winter Wonderland

Coming this December to A03…here is a sneak peek (yes I am feeling generous)

“You sure about this, Jim?”

“Hmm?” Jim absently stared at the PADD in his hands as he read over the message he had received.


He glanced up into Bones’ concerned eyes. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re going to Riverside. Over the Christmas holidays. Its snowing there, according to reports.”

Jim laughed. “A real winter wonderland.”


“Not alone. I told you. Desiree’s going to meet me there.”

“Who is this Desiree anyway? I don’t know her.”

“I knew her pre-Academy. You never met her.”

“You haven’t been feeling well lately. Ever since that time you were held prisoner on Tylo 4 you’ve been off. Not yourself at all, Jim.”

“I’m fine. You aren’t this fussy about Spock. He was there too and doesn’t remember any more than I do about what happened.”

“Spock seems normal. For Spock anyway.”

For a moment an image, a memory, flashed in his mind of naked limbs entwined, desperate kisses.

“I’m normal too,” Jim lied. Some mornings he felt…sick, sure, but it generally went away by afternoon.  “Anyway, I’ll be back in San Francisco on January 10th. This little break will be just what I need before we go out again.”

“Out again. And how insane is that?”

“You agreed, Bones.”

“I need my head examined.”

There was an overhead announcement.

“That’s my shuttle. Have a great time with your kid.”

“Have a great time yourself. You let me know every few days how you are.”

Jim smiled. “Right.”

He went up the ramp to the shuttle and then read his message again.

Jim, sorry, but I can’t make it to Riverside after all. So sorry. I’ll be stuck on Rigel 3 until February at least. So disappointed to miss you, Love, Desiree. 

Yeah, so okay, he didn’t admit to Bones that he would be there alone, but he knew Bones would freak out and demand he go to Georgia.

Jim didn’t want that.

He scanned through his next message.

Lieutenant Nyota Uhura has withdrawn her request to be transferred off the Enterprise. She will report for duty on January 15.

Jim smiled his relief. Prior to their leave, Uhura had requested the transfer since she and Spock were no longer together. Jim hadn’t wanted to see her go, but she had advised that the situation between the former lovers was proving to be difficult.

He had suggested they could work it out, their friendship, anyway, if not more, and he was glad they had. Or he thought they must have. He sent a quick note to her.

Glad to have you aboard. How are things?

That was as close as he felt he could get to asking into her personal life. They were friends, but there was a fine line between that and being her commanding officer.

He swiped through a few other messages, and then sighed. He leaned back, rubbing at his temples. He seemed to constantly have a headache. When he became active again, he’d ask Bones about migraines.    

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