My prompt was “We need to talk” from Spock, leading Jim to believe the worst.
“We need to talk.”
Cryptic and ominous words thrown Jim’s way just before the shift began.
And now they were almost all he could think about.
All they were doing was star mapping at present. So Jim was sitting there in his captain’s chair wondering what in the world Spock had meant.
It had to be bad. Those four words never led to anything good.
Maybe Spock wanted to leave Starfleet after all. He’d learned well after the fact that Spock’s break up with Uhura had been because he intended to go to New Vulcan to help with the rebuilding of the race. He’d apparently changed his mind but it was quite possible even probable he had changed it back.
According to Bones, the scuttlebutt on the ship was that Spock and Uhura had briefly reconciled after his rescue of her on Altamid but that by the time the Enterprise had been rebuilt with the ‘A” added, things had cooled between them once more. Uhura wanted more emotional attachment than Spock had been prepared to give. There were even whispers that Uhura was seeing Scotty now.
Which meant there was absolutely nothing to keep Spock on the Enterprise.
What was Jim going to do without Spock? Could he beg Spock to stay? Hell, Jim had never begged anyone for anything in his life and he certainly wasn’t about to fucking start now.
Jim stood. “Spock, you have the conn,” he called over his shoulder as he entered the turbolift. He gave the order for the medbay.
Bones was with a crew member when Jim first stepped inside the medbay so with a vague smile at the nurse on duty, Jim went to wait for his friend in his office. He wasn’t even sure what he expected Bones to say, but he needed an ear right now. Or a shoulder, maybe.
But apparently whatever was going on with his patient was more complicated than he realized, so Jim ended up leaving the medbay without ever seeing Bones.
He returned to the bridge, conscious of Spock’s stare as he sat fidgeting in his chair.
Another few hours passed when he was commed by Bones.
“Jim, you wanted to see me?”
“No, never mind,” he said quickly. He certainly couldn’t talk here.
“If you’re sick—“
Jim heard Spock get out of his seat and walk over to stand next to him. He glanced at his first officer. “No, Bones. Not sick.”
“A headache?” Bones guessed.
“No, no, nothing. I’ll talk to you later.” He cut Bones off mid-word.
“Are you unwell, Captain?” Spock asked. “You did leave the bridge rather abruptly.”
“I’m fine, Commander.” He gave Spock a reassuring cocky smile.
When his shift was finally over, Jim raced for the turbolift shutting it in Sulu’s face so he could get away from Spock. He felt a bit guilty about it but not too bad. The longer he delayed hearing that Spock was leaving him, er, the Enterprise the better.
The first place Spock would look for him was his quarters so Jim hid out in Engineering. If Scotty found it odd he suddenly had a new assistant for a few hours he didn’t say so.
Finally, he was too exhausted not to head for his quarters but as he went down the corridors, he looked around every corner to be sure Spock wasn’t lurking, waiting for him.
He closed and locked his door once inside with a great deal of relief.
Thank God on this new Enterprise he didn’t have to share a bathroom with Spock.
Jim took a quick shower and dressed in loose fitting soft cotton pajama bottoms and a thin T-shirt. And when he removed his shirt, he remembered he had something to give to Spock. He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten it and hadn’t already given it to his first officer.
He removed the holo pic from his drawer and looked down at the picture of Spock with his mother. He was probably about twelve or thirteen in the picture and he looked so very Vulcan. His mother was smiling but of course Spock was not.
His door chimed and without even thinking about it, he called, “Come in.”
And of course it was Spock.
He set the holo picture down for the moment and turned to his stoic first officer.
“Look, I-I know what you’re going to say,”
Spock blinked at him. “You do?”
“Yeah.” He blew out a breath. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this. I’ve been afraid ever since I heard you and Uhura broke up for good.”
“And you have to do what you have to do, I get it, but I really wish you wouldn’t,” Jim said softly. “I don’t know what I’ll do if you do.”
Something shuddered behind Spock’s dark eyes. “I do not need to do it.”
“Yeah?” Relief flowed through him and he smiled wide. “Really? I was so sure you were going to.”
“It was never my intention to upset you or make you feel uncomfortable with my declaration, Captain.”
“Ever since you said we needed to talk I’ve been freaking out.”
Spock straightened. Became stiffer still. “There is no need to freak out. I am Vulcan and can put aside my feelings in this matter so that I will suffer no emotional compromise.”
“Oh. Well. Damn.” Jim put his hand on his stomach. He was feeling queasy again. “If-if it means so much to you, I won’t stop you.”
Jim looked away. “It’s selfish, I know. I just…I don’t want you to leave. I’ve told you before I don’t know what I’d do without you, and hell, I know that’s way too needy.”
“Leave? You want me to leave?”
Jim’s eyes widened as he looked back at Spock. “No! Never. But if you want to, it’s wrong of me to stop you.” He swallowed. “There were so many times when Uhura held you to her with emotional manipulation. I hated it. You never deserved that. And I can’t be like that. I would never hold you here if you didn’t want to be.”
“I do not understand.”
“Well neither do I!” Jim exclaimed. “It’s just that I love you and—” He slapped his hand over his mouth the second he realized what he’d said. But it was too late. Spock had clearly heard. There was no mistaking it. He lowered his hand and opened his mouth to say ‘totally in a brotherly way’.
But then Spock was suddenly kissing him, devouring him, pushing him against the bulkhead of the ship, with such fervor, such need, that Jim knew then that Spock didn’t view him at all as a brother.
A long time later, Jim stirred in Spock’s arms. “Does this mean you aren’t leaving?”
“It was never my intention to leave.”
“Well. What did you want to talk about?”
“I wished to ascertain whether you were in agreement to begin a romantic relationship with me,” Spock said in his snootiest voice.
Jim laughed. “Oh. Well. I guess you have your answer.”
“Hey. I have something for you.” He slipped out of Spock’s arms and patted naked over to his desk where he’d left the picture. He brought it over to Spock. “They found this in the wreckage of the ship and gave it to me when they were giving me some of the crew’s personal effects.”
Spock’s hands closed over it wistfully. “I thought it lost forever.” He paused. “Like her.”
“Oh, honey.” Jim hugged him.
Spock pulled him tight against him. “You have given her back to me in this small way. And you have given me the greatest gift I could ever imagine in you.”
“I love you,” Jim whispered. “I think…I’ve always loved you.”
Spock kissed him. Put his hand over Jim’s heart. “Taluhk nash-veh k’dular, t’hy’la.”