Here’s the last one for Missions Gone Wrong

Photo by Felix Mittermeier on

“I did say we shouldn’t respond to the distress signal.”

A muscle in Spock’s jaw jumped. “Our orders—”

“To hell with those orders. Look where it’s gotten us.”

Spock nodded. “You are tied to a tree while I await the bride chosen for me.”

“The Bride of Frankenstein.”

“Are you calling me Frankenstein, Captain?”

Jim frowned. “No, I’m saying—

“If she is my bride and she is the Bride of Frankenstein, then it stands to reason—”

“You know what? Forget it. No doubt she’ll be dead soon because you’ll bore her to death.”

Spock looked affronted. “That was quite unkind.”

“Well you know I get grumpy when I’m tied to a tree to be the sacrifice at my husband’s wedding to someone else. Imagine.”

Spock arched a brow. “While our current situation is challenging, including insults in our interactions are beneath you.”

“You’re going to be required to have public sex with her while they roast me alive!”

“Yes, that is what we face.”

Jim sighed and closed his eyes. “I don’t know how you can be so calm about my impending death.”

“I am hardly calm.”

“I’d hate to see you excited. Well, I’ve seen you excited. I mean, agitated.”

Spock actually rolled his eyes at him and Jim swore if he had his hands free he would be punching  Spock in the nose. But just then he heard sounds of the natives returning.

“Great. You may as well say your I love you and goodbye now, Spock.”

“I do love you, but this is not goodbye.”


And suddenly just as he spotted Spock’s garishly decorated “bride” he felt his particles break up and reappeared on a transporter pad on the Enterprise.

Spock stood stoically beside him. “Good work, Mister Scott.”

“I just used the coordinates you transmitted, Commander.”

“Wait,” Jim exclaimed. “You had a way to get us out of there and you let me worry and freak out?”

“You seemed to be enjoying yourself, Captain.”

Enjoying myself? Tied up?!”

Spock shrugged. “There have been times when—”

“Shut up.”

“Captain, you have ropes around you,” Scotty pointed out.

“Spock, get these off me. Spock!”