This takes place directly after the events of The Wrath of Khan and before The Search for Spock

Leonard knew it was time to go check on Jim. He’d tried to give him some time. Spock’s funeral service had been pretty rough on him and even though he’d acted as though he might be all right on the bridge after, Leonard was not fooled.

“It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done, it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.”

Those words notwithstanding, Leonard knew his friend and he was hurting.


When Leonard stepped into Jim’s quarters, his friend stood near to the observation window he had in his quarters. He was looking out, though Leonard wasn’t sure exactly what Jim saw.

“It’s just me,” he said, softly.

He saw the slight curve of Jim’s lips. “Hi, Bones.”

Leonard looked toward the small bar in the quarters where he spotted the decanter of brandy Jim kept there. He walked over to it and poured two glasses, approaching and handing one to Jim.

“You okay?”

Jim looked into the glass. “What do you think?” He downed it in one swallow.

About what Leonard guessed.

“Jim, don’t take this question the wrong way, but, just what was between you and Spock?”

Jim flicked a glance at him. “He’s my friend.” Paused. “Was.”

“I know that. But…was there more?”


Leonard took a sip of his own brandy. “You two were closer than most friends, closer than most brothers.”

“Sam and I hadn’t been close for years before his death,” Jim said, musingly. He shook his head. “And I haven’t kept in touch with my nephew. I really am an asshole sometimes.”

“But you and Spock—”

“What are you trying to say here, Bones?”

“Were you in love with Spock?”

“In love.” Jim shook his head. “What does that mean? I loved him. I don’t know how to go on without him, Bones. He’s been the better part of my life for years and…now he’s gone. I’d do anything to have him back. Give up anything. But I can’t raise the dead. Spock’s gone.”

“So, did you have romantic feelings for him?” Leonard persisted.

“Maybe. I honestly never sat down and analyzed things. I know that when we parted after the mission and he went for Kolinahr, I thought my heart would break.”

“Well, then.”

“That’s nothing compared to now. I’d give anything for him to be back on Vulcan, having gone through Kolinahr and never looked back.”

“I’m sorry, Jim. And I’m sorry I brought all this up. I guess…I just needed to know.” Leonard put the empty glass down. “I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts myself lately.”

And it was true. Sometimes Leonard felt as though there were someone else’s thoughts in his head. Strange.

Jim smiled faintly. “It’s okay, Bones. But if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone.”

“All right. Let me know if you need anything.”

Leonard left and returned to his own quarters, still feeling as though he was missing some piece of information.