Another night of incredible passion, and then Spock had to say goodnight once more to Jim and go their separate ways to their own apartments. Well, Jim had.
After dinner they had returned to Spock’s apartment and headed straight for Spock’s bedroom. Jim was a very giving and gifted lover. Lying beside him after, Spock was spent in more ways than one, but Jim had risen up, got dressed and departed once more for his own place.
Spock wanted to stop him and ask him to stay. Tomorrow was Saturday and neither one of them would be required to go to work. But fear held him back and yes he could admit it.
Part of him feared he would do something that would make Jim realize he was not from modern Earth. A relatively simple thing like accidentally cutting himself with a knife while chopping onions could reveal his green blood.
Spock did not know yet if he wished to tell Jim where and when he was from. Jim was a scientist and would likely understand more than many other Humans, but that wasn’t a given. If Jim freaked out, that could well be a disaster for him there on Earth besides just being a disaster for their relationship.
Even if Spock told Jim and he accepted everything Spock revealed, Jim might not be into sleeping with an outer spaceman. Spock selfishly wanted to hold onto a physical relationship with Jim as long as he possibly could.
And if Jim believed him and still wanted to have sex, the plain facts of their eventual probable separation still existed. Spock didn’t want everything to end at all let alone prematurely.
He had feelings for Jim. Affectionate feelings and he was wise enough to know he had fallen in love and he was pretty sure Jim returned his feelings.
Which left everything else such a conundrum.
And so, when Jim got up and left Spock’s bed, and Jim told him not to get up, he could continue to lie there in bed, Spock did, and just listened to the sound of Jim leaving.
Contemplated what it would really be to leave Jim. And did not like that thought at all.