Advent Day 4
Spock detected the sound of rustling inside the apartment just before the door opened.
He had thought he was prepared to see Jim Kirk after these few years and so he was momentarily startled by his speechless reaction to the sight of the man who’d opened the door.
Jim had a bit of gray at his temples, but otherwise looked much the same as when Spock last saw him. He did have a five o’clock shadow, but somehow that just made him look better. The crinkles around his eyes as he smiled his greeting made Spock’s heart do a summersault.
“Spock! Wow, it’s so great to see you!”
And for a moment, Spock hoped Jim would pull him into a hug, but Jim aborted the action before he actually did it, and instead stood aside to let Spock inside.
Spock did step inside, his gaze sweeping the apartment Jim inhabited. In the corner by the window was a noble fir. Set in front of it but not yet assembled was a string of decorative lights and several boxes of holiday ornaments.
“I did not intend to interrupt anything,” Spock said hesitantly. He had come here on a whim, that now seemed unwise. He was in San Francisco for the first time in years and should have let Jim know ahead of time, perhaps, so they could meet at a restaurant or some neutral place.
“You didn’t,” was Jim’s assured reply. “Was just getting the tree ready. You can even help, if you don’t mind.”
Spock didn’t but his gaze also fell on two wine glasses sitting on a nearby end table. Both were partially filled with red wine.
“You were entertaining a guest?” And even though Spock thought he had control, he heard the unmistakable accusation in his tone. Which he absolutely should not have.
Jim glanced at the glasses. “No.”
“There are two glasses.”
Jim smiled slightly. “Earlier today.” He shook his head, but did not elaborate. Spock found that he wanted him to.
If Jim had a paramour, then Spock had come for no reason. Perhaps even if his former captain did not, there still had been no reason.
Jim was looking at him in that way he had of stripping Spock of all his shields, all his controls. It had always been that way and yet Spock had fought it to this point, to his own ultimate detriment.
“May I inquire who had the other glass?” Spock asked, even though he had decided not to.
For a moment, Jim looked downright mutinous, and Spock was certain that he had somehow overstepped in his inquiry, but then the hardline of Jim’s mouth softened, his shoulder sagged a little, and he looked rather lost in a way that hurt Spock.
“Sam, my brother. He was here. It didn’t…let’s just say our relationship hasn’t improved much. I thought after Mom’s death…but no. We’re never going to be close, and I just need to accept that I guess.”
“I am sorry that he continues to cause you pain.”
Jim nodded. “Yeah. So, are you going to stay and help me with the tree? I can make us something for dinner.”
“I would like to.”
“I didn’t even know you were in San Francisco.”
Spock exhaled slowly. “My mother’s sister passed away and I came to represent my mother. While here, I could not resist coming to see you.”
Jim smiled. “Well, I am sorry about your aunt, but I’m glad it gave you the excuse. It’s been far too long. How are things on New Vulcan?”
“Lonely,” Spock said plainly. “Though I did not believe it to be possible, I find that I miss my life in Starfleet. I miss the crew.”
“They were our family.”
Jim’s lips parted slightly as he stared at Spock.
“Most of all,” Spock added.
Jim’s lips curved upward then. Just a small bit. “We were good friends.”
“Yes.” And perhaps there was a message there, Spock didn’t know. “And the admiralty? Starfleet is treating you well since your promotion?”
“Well enough.” He glanced toward the noble fir. “Let me get you some hot tea and we can get started.”
As Jim made to move past him, Spock found himself reaching out to grab Jim’s wrist.
Jim’s startled blue gaze flew to his. “What is it, Spock?”
“I came here because I…not merely because I was already in San Francisco and not because I missed you as a friend.”
“I find that I can no longer deny the truth that I have known deep within myself for years, though I surely have tried.” Spock briefly closed his eyes, then opened them to see Jim watching him, blue eyes wide and uncertain. “I had convinced myself to reveal the truth would cost me your friendship, but in all honesty we have not kept in touch since the end of our second mission anyway, so our friendship has suffered due to my decision to leave Starfleet for New Vulcan.”
“I am in love with you. I find that I have been in love with you for so long, I no longer care to think about when I was not. And though I am taking perhaps the greatest chance in my life telling you this, if I did not, then I would always wonder if there was any chance that you returned my feelings.”
Jim’s lips had parted again and his tongue came out to trace his bottom lip. “Hold that thought.”
Spock blinked. “What?”
Jim pulled away from him and stepped over to the counter in his kitchen while Spock watched him in confusion, his heart thundering in his side.
Then Jim walked back over to where Spock stood and held up something over their heads.
“Jim, why are you—”
Jim kissed him. Hard, deeply, thoroughly. It was the best, most intensely promising kiss of Spock’s life.
When they pulled away, Spock was panting.
“What is the significance of the fungus?”
Jim laughed and kissed Spock breathless once more.
“Does this mean you return my feelings?”
Jim linked his arms around Spock’s neck. “What do you think?”
“I think…decorating the fir can wait.”