“Spock’s a total cuddler.”
Jim really wished he hadn’t just heard that.
Uhura, Christine Chapel, and Janice Rand were seated a table nearby in the mess room gossiping, apparently, about their lovers.
“No way!” Chapel exclaimed. “Spock?”
Uhura laughed. “Right? But trust me. He’s been like that since the first time we slept together back in the Academy. It’s so sweet.”
Jim blanched and rose from the table. He didn’t want to hear anymore. This was making his heart hurt and his stomach churn.
Never mind he had no right to these feelings, that didn’t matter.
As he was departing the mess, Bones was about to step in.
“Hey, where are you going? Thought we were gonna have something to eat.”
“I’m not hungry,” he snapped, without meaning to, really, but he knew he had, and he kept going out of the mess and down the corridor to the turbolift.
At least he made it to his quarters before the sting of tears pricked his eyes. And he was angry with himself. So angry he kicked his desk and then paced around the room, wiping his eyes.
This was why he didn’t do relationships.
Jealousy sucked. He absolutely hated this feeling.
After a while he calmed down, but he still ignored the door when someone chimed. He was fairly certain he knew who it would be and he didn’t want to deal with that right now.
He took a shower and went to bed after. Never did have anything to eat.
And when he woke the next morning, Jim was hungry so he shoved a quick bowl of oatmeal into his mouth and headed to the bridge.
Spock was already at his station and so was Uhura. As Jim made his way to his captain’s chair, he saw them exchange a look.
The rest of the ship, Jim stuck to business, only giving short, clipped answers if anyone tried to engage him in conversation. They all soon gave up and he was quite aware as he heard whisperings of the captain’s bad mood.
He practically ran into turbolift and closed the doors before anyone could follow him.
He’d already declined a dinner invite from Bones.
Yeah, he was sulking a bit. And he was still feeling jealous. His mood was dark, so sure, he decided it was better to avoid everyone until he got over it. And he was sure he would.
But after he’d had a chicken sandwich and sat down to do reports in his quarters, he finally answered the chime at his door.
Of course it was Spock. He’d expected that.
Normally Spock would stand in front of Jim, hands clenched behind his back, but this time he approached Jim’s desk, hands outstretched.
“Jim, have I done something wrong?”
“Your word says no but your expression and behavior say otherwise.”
“I…Spock, I don’t think this is working.”
Spock blinked. “What?”
“You and me. I thought maybe we could make it work, but it’s not. Not for me.”
“I do not understand.”
“The jealousy is eating me up,” Jim admitted.
“Jealousy? What are you jealous of?”
“We ended our relationship and—”
“I know. I do. But I heard her talking about how you are a cuddler with her friends.” Jim paused. “You never cuddle with me. And that made me feel like you’ll never love me as much as I love you or even as much as you loved her.”
“I love you more,” Spock said quietly.
“When we began, there was one night that I went to put my arm around you and—”
“I pushed you away.”
“Yes.” Spock swallowed hard. “The last thing I wished to do was give you a reason to-to end things between us, but it appears I have done so anyway.”
Jim closed his eyes briefly. “I’m sorry. I don’t…I’ve never done this. Not like this. And that night I was so overwhelmed by everything I just reacted badly. I didn’t mean to let you think I didn’t want you to touch me after.”
Spock exhaled. “I need you to be honest with me, Jim, and not shut down every time something is bothering you. I am living in constant fear that you will terminate our relationship if I do something you do not approve of or if you are displeased. It is not a pleasant feeling.”
Jim came from around the desk and pulled Spock into his arms, hugging him close. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize.”
“I know. Please, when something bothers you or you hear something, talk to me. Tell me how you feel. I cannot rectify it if I do not know.”
Jim nodded against him. “I want you to cuddle me. And I swear I am not looking for ways to end things between us. What I said earlier notwithstanding.”
“There is no one else I want and love like you. There is no need to be jealous. I promise. I will be more than happy to spend all night cuddling you.”
Jim smiled. “Okay. Deal.”
And that night, Jim felt loved and cherished. And yes, cuddled.
November 8, 2021 at 4:07 am
Gotta have the adult conversations Jim! I know it’s not easy.
And Uhura needs to keep Spock’s name outta her mouth.
November 9, 2021 at 7:21 pm
Yes she does!
November 8, 2021 at 5:54 am
That was toooooo honest. Too real. I felt every word to my core. I had no idea where that was going since Nyota sounded kind of present day rather than speaking as if of past memories. Nobody should have to hear your love’s ex gossiping about how you are in daily life, much less bed. *shivers like a scary movie
Anyway, now – that picture. I don’t know where it was taken. I don’t remember seeing it before, or perhaps the video it’s from.
But what strikes me is how they immediately KNOW how they hold each other when they hug. In front of others or not. They just always fall into each other. Those are experienced-with-each-other holders. No question. Those gorgeous, long fingers. There’s stuff there.
November 9, 2021 at 7:22 pm
It’s from one of their publicity appearances, I wanna say after Into Darkness but not sure when and where it was
Agreed about poor Jim having to hear Uhura talking about Spock like she still had the inside info on him.
November 8, 2021 at 3:19 pm
😦 Jim. The feels. Wanting cuddles
This was so good.
November 9, 2021 at 7:20 pm
November 10, 2021 at 10:54 am
Days later… I appear! Lol!
I’ve read this flash several times since you first posted it and every time I’ve tried to comment, rl has gotten in the way. Ughhh! Lol!!
Anyway…. I love this flash. Jim just needs to not make assumptions and to communicate how he feels to those he cares about. Misinterpretation is not how you want to communicate with your loved ones .
“Jim blanched and rose from the table. He didn’t want to hear anymore. This was making his heart hurt and his stomach churn.” That’s when he should have gone to Spock with how he felt about this and ask Spock what he thought about it.
I’m glad that Spock sought him out and cleared the air. He “approached Jim’s desk, hands outstretched.” Nice touch, Ivan! He’s reaching out (Love this!) to fix whatever is bothering Jim and assumes that he did something wrong. 😦 No Spock! You are blameless, except that neither of you had a conversation about what type of touching would be welcome . Spock assuming that since Jim didn’t want an arm around his shoulder once, that meant he never wanted it. I’m gathering from this, that their relationship is fairly new.
Love, love the ending. Cuddling is what they both need right now!! I also love they photo. What a warm embrace!! 🤗
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November 10, 2021 at 11:22 am
Poor Jim, Eveningstar always blames him 😦
Spock isn’t blameless because of a) he did just assume himself that Jim didn’t want touch except sex, b) he got with Uhura in the first place LOL
November 10, 2021 at 11:58 am
Boy, IIIIII hate disagreeing with you on your own blog. But if I had a blog, you’d be welcome to disagree with me. I promise.
Still – Spock is blameless here in as much as why Jim is all jealous and ready to end their relationship. And when Spock found out what happened, Spock went to talk to Jim and Jim wouldn’t let him in. That’s full-on Jim’s fault right there.
Now – Spock IS so very very guilty of getting with Nyota. 1. He was a professor, she was a student. Which we don’t know if she was HIS student. BUT. 2. Spock even in AOS is all pro-regs, yet he did SOMETHING he felt he had to assign Nyota to the Farragut to avoid the appearance of favoritism.
Uh – Spocko, that’s 100% on YOU. You were the adult in that situation. Sure Ny was an adult (maybe? I guess?), but still….you felt guilty or you’d have put Nyota, who you yourself said was unsurpassed in her linguistic skills, on the Enterprise as she deserved.
Tsk tsk – you know you either broke regs with the lady, or you gave the appearance of breaking regs with her and had to sidestep the issue trying to cover your own ass. (Thou who JUST walked out of a hearing where you brought charges against KIRK for cheating on the Kobayashi Maru test). So being with Nyota? Yeah, full on SPOCK BLAME there.
So – but seriously, Jim’s being a brat here in the first place. He wouldn’t even give Spock a chance to discuss it for an entire day when Spock tried.
” avoid everyone until he got over it. And he was sure he would.” Yeah, Not only was Jim being bratty to Spock, he was bratty to everyone on the bridge for a full shift.
I don’t blame Jim for being jealous. I get that. Anyone would bristle at hearing what Nyota said. It’s how he treated EVERYONE else then. Even Bones. So – yeah, I’m half on Evening’s side on this one. I’ll take one for the team.
November 10, 2021 at 12:11 pm
Spock did not know what had happened when Jim wouldn’t let him in, he just knew Jim was in a “mood” and wouldn’t talk to him or anyone, so you are not correct that when Spock found out what happened, Jim wouldn’t let him in. 😀
Spock bears all blame for being with Nyota and therefore causing any and all issues, I will die on my sword on this !!!
November 10, 2021 at 12:50 pm
Thanks for clarification. I thought someone had told Spock since Jim sulked out of the mess hall after Ny said that.
November 10, 2021 at 12:59 pm
Nah I don’t think anyone realized that Jim overheard the ladies conversation. He’d been there to meet Bones for a meal but Bones hadn’t arrived yet so the only thing any of them knew was that Jim was in a mad mood and ignoring everyone except for ship’s biz. Even the ladies were unaware Jim was listening
November 10, 2021 at 1:07 pm
Argh! I guess this is where Shine Like the Sun bites me in the butt. Again. LOL