jealousy

Flash Fic, November 29, 2021

Kirk wasn’t sure how he felt as he watched Spock interact with his father.

Tired, yes. Relieved, yes. Proud, yes. Elated, certainly.

They’d done it again. His crew. Saved the world or as much of the world that belonged to them from another threat of disaster.

This time they’d gone back in time for whales.

Sarek nodded at Spock, raised his hand in the ta’al and then walked away in another direction as Kirk waited for Spock to join him.

“Everything all right?”

“Of course.”

Side by side they walked as they had surely done so many dozens of times.

“What did your father have to say?”

Spock was contemplative for a moment. “Merely that perhaps he had been wrong about his dissatisfaction with my choice to join Starfleet.”

Kirk smiled faintly. “After all this time?”

“Indeed. And he inquired if I had a message for my mother.”

He glanced at Spock. “And did you?”

“I said I felt fine.”

His smile widened. “Good.”

He saw Spock’s gaze sweep over the crowd gathered outside the building they had just vacated. HQ. Still standing, though damaged from the probe. For a brief moment, Spock’s gaze landed and froze on Gillian Taylor as she stood talking to those that would train her on their time and their technology.

“Jealous, Spock?”

It wasn’t something they talked about often. Perhaps they should have. For Kirk there had been others over the years of their friendship, their…relationship. Many others. For Spock, a few as well.

They didn’t really talk about Saavik and what had happened on the Genesis planet. Kirk really didn’t want to either. Spock was alive and anything else didn’t make a difference.

With Gillian Taylor nothing had happened. Nothing would have happened. But there was history there and so Kirk wondered.

“No,” Spock said, softly.

Kirk looked at him bemusedly. “No?”

Spock arched a brow then. “Is there a reason I should be?”

He thought of their brief conversation where he’d joked with Gillian that he didn’t have her number. He shook his head.

“No.”

Spock looked at him then. “I know that no matter who catches your eye, your attention, your interest, in the end, you always come back to me.”

Kirk felt his heart twist. “Yeah, I do. As you do to me. Even without every memory you had before.”

“We are T’hy’la. No one else matters but us at the end of it all.”

Kirk looked away, swallowing hard. Perhaps he really was old now for he felt the prick of tears. He shook his head. “There’s not going to be anymore of those others, Spock. You’re stuck with me.”

“As you are stuck with me.”

Kirk grinned. “There’s an old Earth song that reminds me of us. It goes ‘I’m happy to be stuck with you’.”

He didn’t sing it but it was a near thing. He liked to sing even if he couldn’t really carry a tune. Spock had reminded him of that many times.

Kirk took a deep breath and turned away from the crowd and pointed to a much quieter street to use for their escape.

“Well, Mister Spock? Shall we?”

Once more they walked, side by side, as they had always been, as they were meant to be.

And that is a wrap of November and the “jealousy” theme. I hope you enjoyed my different takes.

November 29, 2021

Flash Fic, November 26, 2021

As I have indicated, I really wanted to explore all forms of jealousy. Here’s another.

“Jim.”

Jim buried his head under his pillow.

“Jim.”

“I don’t wanna go to work.”

A long pause.

“No doubt, but as you are captain and due on the bridge, I am afraid there isn’t much choice.”

Jim turned on his back, squished the pillow to his face and groaned. “Damn.”

“I have your coffee.”

He lowered the pillow and glared up at Spock.

“Why are you dressed in your meditation robes?” he demanded.

“Yesterday was the ship’s celebration of the thankful festival.”

“Thanksgiving,” Jim muttered.

“I manned the bridge while you indulged in several indulgences.” Spock paused as Jim sat up and handed him his coffee. “I am currently off shift. I intend to meditate, then shower, and break my fast.”

Jim clutched the coffee. “I am so fucking jealous right now you have no idea.”

Spock hesitated. “If you require it, I will take your shift.”

Jim closed his eyes. “No, sweetheart. Of course not. I’m just being a baby.”

“What does being an infant have to do with it?”

“Just my behavior sucks. You were good enough to watch the bridge while I ate too much, made merry too much, and definitely drank too much. My stomach may never recover from all the turkey I ate. Ugh I have the devil of a headache.”

Spock nodded. “I do have Leonard’s hangover remedy to give you for that.”

“Yeah, thanks. In a second. Everything all right with the ship?”

“No issues, Captain.”

Jim smiled. “Thanks, Commander.”

“In all seriousness, Jim, I can take your shift if you are too uncomfortable.”

Jim swung his legs out of bed and stood. “Absolutely not. I’m going. You take your time as you’re entitled too. But I’m still a bit jealous.”

“Given what I heard about the celebration, I imagine there will be others in the same condition as you on the bridge today.”

“Mm.” Jim took the tablets Spock offered him, put them in his mouth and swallowed. “There may have been some drunken Christmas Carols.” He rubbed his neck. “And uh, pictures or videos, maybe, of me and Uhura singing Santa Baby with her on my lap.”

Spock arched a brow. “It’s a little early for Christmas songs, is it not?”

Jim gave him a quick kiss. “That’s why I love you, honey. Your only comment after hearing that was that it’s too early for Christmas songs. And right you are.” He stretched and yawned. “I wonder if there’s any leftover turkey.”

Spock stared at him.

“What?”

“You just said your stomach ached from eating too much turkey.”

“Yeah, so?”

Spock muttered, “Illogical. Enjoy your shift, Jim.”

Jim kissed him again and went to take his shower.

November 26, 2021

Flash Fic, November 24, 2021

Jim closed the oven door with satisfaction and then almost wiped his hands on his Kiss the Cook turkey apron. Aborting that action, he went to the kitchen sink to wash his hands. He was aware Bones was leaning a hip against a nearby counter, smirking, as he sipped his black coffee.

“I’m jealous, you know.”

“About time you admitted I have a cuter ass than you,” Jim said. “After all these years.”

“Hardy har har. I concede you probably do, but that’s not what I’m jealous of.”

Jim dried off his hands. “No?”

“Nope. I’m jealous of your mad skills at cooking the Thanksgiving turkey. Don’t know anyone who’s better at it.”

Jim chuckled. “Well, thanks, Bones. That means a lot coming from you.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know, that’s why it means a lot.” He patted his stomach. “I know how to eat. Dinner will still be a few hours, so you can go relax in the living room. Get yourself a drink. There’s wine for sure and probably whiskey.”

“Okay.” Bones smiled faintly. “Jim, about Spock—”

Jim’s smile slipped and he waved his hand. “Forget about that. It’s nothing.”

“You sure?”

“Sure I’m sure. I’ll be in with my own glass of wine in a second.”

Bones left Jim to the kitchen and Jim sighed, glancing out the window. It was then that he saw the flakes of snow coming down. It made him smile and shake his head.

Yeah, he had a lot to be grateful for, and so he was feeling good about the upcoming meal.

“It’s snowing,” he called.

“What?” Bones exclaimed. “Damn.”

He heard Bones go to the front door and open it.

“Hey Jim?”

“Hmm?”

“There’s a frozen Vulcan out here.”

“What?”

Jim hurried from the kitchen and to the front door. Sure enough, Spock stood there, one of his knitted beanie hats on his head. It and the rest of the Vulcan was covered in snow.

Spock opened his mouth to speak but Jim flung himself into the Vulcan’s arms and thoroughly kissed him.

Bones cleared his throat. Jim pulled back and grinned at Spock. “Welcome home.”

Happy Thanksgiving my fellow Americans

November 24, 2021

Flash Fic, November 22, 2021

“Unfortunately, I have already made prior plans for that period of time,” Spock replied.

His newly established boyfriend, Jim Kirk, had asked Spock if he’d care to come to Riverside, Iowa for the short Thanksgiving break they were receiving from Starfleet Academy. Jim planned to take a shuttle to Riverside Tuesday afternoon and then return Sunday afternoon to San Francisco.

He’d explained to Spock that it would be him, his mother, and Jim’s brother, Sam, and his new wife, Aurelan. His mother had a new man she wanted them all to meet as well.

Jim smiled at Spock’s response. There seemed nothing unusual in that smile.

“Oh, okay. No problem.” He paused. “Should I be jealous?”

Spock stared. “Jealous? Of what, Jim?”

Jim laughed then. “That you have plans with someone else.” He laughed again. “I’m only kidding, Spock.” He patted Spock’s arm just like he often patted McCoy’s arm, who at that moment was watching their interaction with narrowed eyes. “I gotta go. Got a class in three minutes and on the other side of the campus.”

“You will be late,” Spock predicted.

“Guess I’d better run then. Bye.”

And Jim was gone. Spock was left with a now glaring Leonard McCoy.

“Are you out of your Vulcan mind?”

Spock had no idea what had earned him that question and he opened his mouth to reply.

“That was rhetorical,” McCoy snapped. “Just what do you have planned that’s more important than Jim?”

Spock frowned. “The importance of my plans has little to do with Jim. It is a science symposium I planned participation in many months ago that takes place in Colorado.”

“Uh-huh. You don’t get it. Jim invited you to meet his family. That’s hugely significant. He has…issues. Family issues, personal ones. This is the first time his whole family has gotten together in, well, maybe never before this. He wanted you to be there. Everyone’s going to have a significant other there except Jim. Can you imagine how that makes him feel?”

“No,” Spock admitted. “Since my attending a symposium is no reflection on my feelings or lack thereof for Jim. To conflate them is illogical.”

McCoy pinched the bridge of his nose. “All I’m saying here, Spock, is you are on extremely thin ice, and you really ought to rethink your rejection of Jim’s invitation.”

“As it was merely a rejection of his invitation and not of him, I cannot agree that it is a cause for concern. My plans for this coming week have already been set for months and Jim seemed all right with that.”

“Yes, he seemed all right, I’ll agree.”

“Then—”

“Look, you figure it out, Spock. Or don’t. But in the next day or so, Jim is going to distance himself from you and you’re going to wonder why and don’t say I didn’t warn you. And I have to go too. I don’t have a class, but I am meeting someone. If I don’t talk to you again, have a good symposium.”

Spock watched the doctor walk away and with a shake of his head, Spock dismissed his words. He and Jim were fine.

***

Sorry, Spock. I have a bunch of stuff to do and can’t make it tonight.

Spock read the message from Jim in regard to their evening plans. Spock was disappointed as he had been looking forward to spending time with Jim prior to their differing plans over the next few days.

There was, of course, tomorrow night, which would be the night before their Tuesday departure.

Understood. Tomorrow evening then? I will make dinner at my apartment, and we can retire early if that is your desire.

Spock got busy doing other things and didn’t see Jim’s response for a while.

Can’t make it tomorrow either. Really busy. Sorry. See you after the break.

And that set alarm bells off in Spock’s head. Since they’d gotten together, Jim was never too busy for Spock and vice versa. Any moment of spare time they spent together and in fact, Spock was close to asking Jim to share his apartment.

Spock had not spoken in person to Jim since Spock had advised he could not make the trip to Riverside.

Jim is going to distance himself from you and you’re going to wonder why.

Those words played in Spock’s head now. He re-read Jim’s two messages a few times before typing out,

Jim, is something amiss?

No, why?

And Spock, prior to his “warning” from McCoy would have just accepted Jim’s answer on face value. But now Spock conjured up in his memory that smile Jim had given him when he’d said, “Oh, Okay.”

Now that Spock thought about it, his words were much more. “Oh. Okay.” Two separate words. Not “Oh, okay.” Which the more he thought about it, there was a definite difference, subtle though it might be.

Spock brought up the site for the symposium and found his reservation.

***

Spock could see the look of surprise on Jim’s face when Jim arrived at his shuttle gate to find Spock standing there, waiting for him, bag in hand.

“Spock? What are you doing here?”

“I am here to accompany you to have Thanksgiving with your family.”

“But…”

“My plans changed.”

“They did or did you change them?”

“Does it matter?”

Jim shook his head. “Except you didn’t have to do that, Spock. You had something else to do. No big deal.”

Spock exhaled slowly. “I found that I decided it was a…big deal. You are concerned with seeing your family over these next few days, are you not?”

“Well. Yeah. I haven’t seen Sam in…I don’t know how long. Years. I was surprised he was coming. And bringing his wife. And Mom. Anyway, I was okay with you not coming. I can’t blame anyone who doesn’t want to deal with me and my family.”

“Spending time with you is not “dealing” with you, Jim. In fact, perhaps, when we arrive you can announce that you are now living with me.”

Jim laughed. “I am?”

“I want you to.”

Jim smiled and leaned in close to kiss Spock softly, and though Spock did not care for public displays, he found this time, he did not mind.

“I can’t believe you’re here. Thank you. Let’s go.”

Spock turned to go through the gate with Jim.

“Oh and Jim?”

“You have nothing to be jealous about.”

Jim gave him a quizzical look. “Yeah?”

“You will always come first.”

November 22, 2021

Flash Fic, November 19, 2021

‘

“You know you have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Jim almost jumped when Uhura spoke behind him. He turned to see she was smirking slightly at him. “Huh?”

“Every time that Andorian girl Brooks brought talks to Spock, which is often, you tense up and get an aggravated look on your face.” Uhura shook her head. “He’s not even slightly interested in her.”

“She’s interested in him though.” He decided not to pretend she wasn’t reading him right. He didn’t like that girl practically invading Spock’s personal space. “And didn’t she come with Brooks?”

“He says they’re only friends. To be honest I think maybe she asked to come when she found out Spock would be at the dinner.”

“And that’s not supposed to bother me?”

“Right. Jim, Spock is completely smitten with you. She doesn’t stand a chance. Didn’t you make him vegan pumpkin pie?”

Jim nodded.

Uhura padded his arm. “Not a chance. Now I’ll go and distract her and you snatch him away.”

Jim smiled his thanks and watched as Uhura lured the Andorian away from Jim’s boyfriend, who Jim slid over to.

“Doing okay?”

“I am, yes.” Spock paused. “I am ready to depart whenever you are.”

Jim laughed. “Had enough, have you?”

“Not if you haven’t,” Spock replied diplomatically.

Jim glanced around, saw the Andorian was watching them with narrowed eyes, and leaned into kiss Spock.

“Now I am ready,” he announced with a wink.

Spock shook his head. “Illogical display of your claim.”

“You betcha. Let’s make our goodbyes and go home.”

November 19, 2021

Flash Fic, November 15, 2021

This one won’t make AOS Uhura fans very happy

Spock hadn’t seen her in a while. Their time serving aboard the same ship had ended when Jim had decided to quit and raise a child with Spock. Retire, Spock supposed, though Jim hadn’t been retirement age, Starfleet allowed it because of who Jim was.

Anyway, Spock had left too, because Jim was his husband and they planned to raise a family together.

It had been a few years since he’d seen Nyota in person. And so when they ended up being in the same city, it seemed natural to meet.

Oddly enough there was nothing terribly natural about their relationship these days. The end of their relationship had been fraught with drama to put it mildly. Spock had given up pretending he didn’t love Jim and Nyota had given up pretending it didn’t piss her off.

Still they’d had an uneasy peace. A peace that allowed her to accept his invitation to dinner.

They had been at a vegetarian restaurant they used to eat at a lot back in their Academy days and things had been going all right until Spock noticed her make a face when he mentioned his husband.

“Would you rather I not mention Jim?”

Nyota snorted. “No. I mean he is what he is to you. I maybe would rather you hadn’t mention him twenty times since we sat down.”

“I apologize.” Spock was starting to realize that this was perhaps a mistake.

She sighed, shook her head. “How is he?”

“He is well. Thank you for inquiring. He sends his best to you.”

“Sure he does.” She grimaced. “That was uncalled for. I’m sorry, Spock. He doesn’t deserve that and neither do you. I’m just…bitterly jealous to be honest.”

This surprised Spock. It had been a number of years since they’d seen each other as romantic partners.

“Of?”

“Everything. The joyous way you conduct your relationship with him being number one. You never showed that depth of feeling and contentment with me. Not the entire time. That you two are happy and have a family with this perfect life.”

“It is hardly perfect—”

“It is as far as I am concerned. You have the love of your life, Spock, and I have…work.” She sighed again and put her chin on her hand. “There’s no one special in my life. I’m not even dating. I doubt I’ll ever find what you have with Jim. But I’d like something. I just don’t know what.”

“I apol—”

“Don’t say your sorry, Spock. It’s nothing you’ve done. If Jim Kirk hadn’t come into our lives, I honestly don’t think you and I would have lasted anyway. Part of me thinks we lasted as long as we did because of your absolute stubbornness about denying that love for him. Whatever. I want what you have and I don’t have it. So yeah, I’m jealous. Not proud of that but I am.”

“I could say that you will find it someday, but I know that you don’t appreciate those sorts of platitudes.”

She smirked and lifted her glass of wine to her lips. “Yeah, I don’t. And believe it or not, even though I’m super envious, I’m also really glad you have what you have.”

“I am sorry for my part in hurting you.”

“Never mind. That’s old news. Go ahead. Mention Jim and your family twenty more times.” She grinned. “I’m listening.”

Spock arched a brow, but he did launch into his life since leaving Starfleet. At the end of the night, he decided it had been a pleasant evening between old friends after all.

November 15, 2021

Flash Fic, November 12, 2021

This one is a touch sad and begs for some sort of sequel resolution, so you might see one in the December flashes! Different kind of jealousy too!

Winona had always had trouble bonding with her son, Jim. There was the whole becoming a widow on the date of Jim’s birth, sure, but there were other reasons, mostly her fault, she knew, but Jim had always been…distant with her in a way Sam never had been.

Of course, Sam had left and Jim had not, but still, now she had reconciled with her older son, but Jim remained elusive to her.

Oh it was nothing outright. He called her Mom never Mother, he was always polite, if not warm, he smiled at her, if it lacked warmth, and never disparaged her to anyone.

Yet as she watched Spock’s interaction with his mother, Amanda, she could see the difference.

They were both there in San Francisco to visit their sons while they attended Starfleet Academy. Jim had told her all about his new, bourgeoning relationship with the Vulcan, and by the time Winona had arranged a visit, Jim had moved into Spock’s off-campus apartment.

To her surprise, Spock’s mother, Amanda Grayson, was also there.

Thus why as they all went to dinner together, Winona was able to notice the difference in how Spock was with his mother.

Even though Spock was a Vulcan, he was noticeably warmer in his behavior toward his mother than Jim was with her. Subtle little things. Nothing she could even point to if asked, but she felt it.

When they both went to the bathroom together, that was Spock and Jim, not her and Winona, she used that chance to mention her observations to the other human woman.

“I envy you,” Winona said plainly. Then she laughed and shook her head. “Who am I kidding? I’m flat out jealous.”

Amanda gave her a funny look. “Jealous? Over what? I can’t imagine.”

She sighed. “Your easy relationship with Spock. I’ve never had that with Jim.”

“Really? I don’t sense any tension or awkwardness between you.”

“Oh, nothing that obvious. Jim’s far too good of a boy to allow that to filter through.” She sighed again and leaned her chin on her hand. “I’m not making sense, I’m sure. But I know what I mean. Anyway, you’re lucky. I can tell how much Spock loves and respects you as his mother.”

A moment later, their sons returned, and they continued with their visit.

A couple of days later, Jim walked with her to the shuttlebay for her return to Riverside.

“I’m very happy you’re doing so well with the Academy and with Spock.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

They didn’t say anything else until they got to where her gate was located.

“Maybe you can come home for Christmas, you know when your break comes next month.”

He gave her a vague smile. “Maybe. I’ll see if I can manage it.”

“I can get a tree. Really decorate it up. All your favorite foods.”

“We’ll see.”

She bit her lip. “You can bring Spock.”

His smile never dimmed. “Maybe. I’ll let you know. Looks like they’re getting ready to board.”

She knew that was her gentle dismissal. Yes, he’d been rather like that almost from when he was a small child and certainly since Frank.

“Jim, we’re all right, aren’t we? You and me?” she ventured to ask, even though she knew without a doubt he would say yes, no matter what the truth of it was.

“Of course we are,” he gave her the predicted answer.

She moved to hug him and she was delighted when he didn’t move away as he had when she had arrived for her visit. That had hurt though she had done her damndest to hide it.

She held on tight to him while she could and she couldn’t help but notice how much like George he was. He even smelled like George. George would have been crazy nuts for Jim, just as he had been for Sam.

When she had become pregnant with Jim, George had been enthusiastic enough at the prospect that this one might be a girl, but she knew deep down he wanted another boy. They’d decided to keep it a secret until the time. And she wished they hadn’t because there would have been things they could have enjoyed in the planning for their second son that they’d never been able to do.

“You don’t want to miss your shuttle.”

Jim spoke softly and kindly as he always did, but that distant hint of dismissal was there just the same. Her heart twisted a bit, but she released her hold on him, and tried not to show him how very close to tears she was.

A silly, melancholy old woman was what she had become.

“I had a wonderful visit.”

“Me too,” Jim assured her and it even sounded sincere.

“I love you, baby.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

And she turned and went through the gate. When she turned back around to wave goodbye, he had already moved away, his long legs had already taken him far away from her.

“Let me do it myself, Mommy!”

Words she remembered him saying so often to her as a child. He never wanted her to help him.

Winona wiped her eyes, turned back around and went to go to he shuttle, praying that Jim would come for Christmas break, but knowing she would likely be disappointed.

November 12, 2021

Flash Fic, November 10, 2021

“What’s wrong with you?”

Spock was surprised by the question as he did not believe anyone would know there was anything wrong with him. He had thought he had hid it well as he always did.

He sipped his tea and gave McCoy a slight shrug. “Nothing is wrong, Doctor. I am merely contemplating the recent…situation with the captain and the native on the planet.”

“Miramanee.”

“Yes.”

“What about it?” McCoy picked up his fork and stabbed into a plate of eggs.

“I would not have expected the captain to take a wife and…”

“Expect a child with her?”

“ Yes.”

The doctor shrugged. “He had amnesia and forgot all about his life.”

“About us.”

“Right. That bothers you somehow, huh?”

It did but Spock was not sure how to admit it.

McCoy smirked. “You thought we were somehow unforgettable.” He paused for a gulp of coffee. “You thought you were.”

Spock shook his head in deniable.

“That emotion you’re feeling—”

“Emotions are illogical.”

“Is jealousy.”

“Vulcans do not feel—”

McCoy waved this away. “I’m not saying you feel jealous romantically, but you are jealous that your friend could forget your very existence, considering how much time you spend together.”

Spock was saved from arguing further by the arrival of the captain. Kirk paused a moment to look at them somewhat quizzically before approaching them with his tray of French Toast.

“Captain.”

“Morning, Spock, Morning Bones. You two looked serious. Something on your minds?”

Spock nearly asked the captain how he felt about the loss of his wife and child, but it was not his business, and at breakfast in the mess was not appropriate anyway.

“No, Captain, there is nothing.”

And a short time later, Spock excused himself to report to the bridge. He didn’t wish to analyze McCoy’s words as to whether he was indeed jealous. He dismissed the possibility as unlikely and decided, that night, he would meditate for a longer time to clear his mind.

November 10, 2021

Flash Fic, November 08, 2021

“Spock’s a total cuddler.”

Jim really wished he hadn’t just heard that.

Uhura, Christine Chapel, and Janice Rand were seated a table nearby in the mess room gossiping, apparently, about their lovers.

“No way!” Chapel exclaimed. “Spock?”

Uhura laughed. “Right? But trust me. He’s been like that since the first time we slept together back in the Academy. It’s so sweet.”

Jim blanched and rose from the table. He didn’t want to hear anymore. This was making his heart hurt and his stomach churn.

Never mind he had no right to these feelings, that didn’t matter.

As he was departing the mess, Bones was about to step in.

“Hey, where are you going? Thought we were gonna have something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry,” he snapped, without meaning to, really, but he knew he had, and he kept going out of the mess and down the corridor to the turbolift.

At least he made it to his quarters before the sting of tears pricked his eyes. And he was angry with himself. So angry he kicked his desk and then paced around the room, wiping his eyes.

This was why he didn’t do relationships.

Jealousy sucked. He absolutely hated this feeling.

After a while he calmed down, but he still ignored the door when someone chimed. He was fairly certain he knew who it would be and he didn’t want to deal with that right now.

He took a shower and went to bed after. Never did have anything to eat.

And when he woke the next morning, Jim was hungry so he shoved a quick bowl of oatmeal into his mouth and headed to the bridge.

Spock was already at his station and so was Uhura. As Jim made his way to his captain’s chair, he saw them exchange a look.

The rest of the ship, Jim stuck to business, only giving short, clipped answers if anyone tried to engage him in conversation. They all soon gave up and he was quite aware as he heard whisperings of the captain’s bad mood.

He practically ran into turbolift and closed the doors before anyone could follow him.

He’d already declined a dinner invite from Bones.

Yeah, he was sulking a bit. And he was still feeling jealous. His mood was dark, so sure, he decided it was better to avoid everyone until he got over it. And he was sure he would.

But after he’d had a chicken sandwich and sat down to do reports in his quarters, he finally answered the chime at his door.

“Come.”

Of course it was Spock. He’d expected that.

Normally Spock would stand in front of Jim, hands clenched behind his back, but this time he approached Jim’s desk, hands outstretched.

“Jim, have I done something wrong?”

“No.”

“Your word says no but your expression and behavior say otherwise.”

“I…Spock, I don’t think this is working.”

Spock blinked. “What?”

“You and me. I thought maybe we could make it work, but it’s not. Not for me.”

“I do not understand.”

“The jealousy is eating me up,” Jim admitted.

“Jealousy? What are you jealous of?”

“Uhura.”

“We ended our relationship and—”

“I know. I do. But I heard her talking about how you are a cuddler with her friends.” Jim paused. “You never cuddle with me. And that made me feel like you’ll never love me as much as I love you or even as much as you loved her.”

“I love you more,” Spock said quietly.

“Spock—”

“When we began, there was one night that I went to put my arm around you and—”

“I pushed you away.”

“Yes.” Spock swallowed hard. “The last thing I wished to do was give you a reason to-to end things between us, but it appears I have done so anyway.”

Jim closed his eyes briefly. “I’m sorry. I don’t…I’ve never done this. Not like this. And that night I was so overwhelmed by everything I just reacted badly. I didn’t mean to let you think I didn’t want you to touch me after.”

Spock exhaled. “I need you to be honest with me, Jim, and not shut down every time something is bothering you. I am living in constant fear that you will terminate our relationship if I do something you do not approve of or if you are displeased. It is not a pleasant feeling.”

Jim came from around the desk and pulled Spock into his arms, hugging him close. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize.”

“I know. Please, when something bothers you or you hear something, talk to me. Tell me how you feel. I cannot rectify it if I do not know.”

Jim nodded against him. “I want you to cuddle me. And I swear I am not looking for ways to end things between us. What I said earlier notwithstanding.”

“There is no one else I want and love like you. There is no need to be jealous. I promise. I will be more than happy to spend all night cuddling you.”

Jim smiled. “Okay. Deal.”

And that night, Jim felt loved and cherished. And yes, cuddled.