Uhura frowned in the direction of the sliding door that led out to the balcony of the San Francisco apartment Jim shared with Spock. Still. At least there was that.
“I’m sorry, Captain. We didn’t mean to make things worse with our little silly celebration. We just thought—”
“No, you didn’t,” Jim quickly assured them.
They were all there. Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, and Bones. His crew. His family many more ways than his real family had been.
Around them they’d pinned Christmas garland and ornaments and signs declaring rather merrily that it was Christmas in July. Spock’s mother was Jewish, of course, though non-practicing. He grew up knowing very little about any Terran holiday, though when he’d had his memory, he’d known much of the crew participated in the merriment. Jim had tried to most of the time himself because those sorts of things were good for moral. He understood the sentiment and why the crew needed these distractions.
Jim appreciated it now, their thought process anyway, and why they’d arrived with decorations and food to cheer up Jim and Spock.
Only just a moment ago, Spock had excused himself to the balcony and he had not come back inside.
“Your thoughtfulness is really so kind,” Jim told them. “But, my friends, it might be best if you leave Spock to me tonight.”
“If you think that’s best,” Uhura said. “Do you want us to take everything away with us?”
Jim shook his head. “No. Leave it here, if you will.”
He walked with them to the door. He did feel bad, but at the moment, Spock was still his priority.
Bones lingered at the door when the others had departed.
“I thought he was better after the whales and all that,” Bones said.
“And he is. That doesn’t mean he’s completely himself or has remembered everything. Sometimes our humanness overwhelms him, Bones. Probably more so than even before.”
“Hmm. Okay. You, um, ever going to discuss his…thing with Saavik?”
Bones was referring to Saavik helping Spock on the Genesis planet, including through a period of Pon Farr. Jim knew what all that meant. He didn’t want to analyze it too closely though.
“I don’t know. It’s not like it was something he could have helped or chose to do, Bones. I’ll contact you tomorrow. Thanks for everything.”
After he closed the door on Bones, he turned back toward the apartment and the merriment they’d left. With a shake of head, he did cut the carols playing, then he opened the door and stepped onto the balcony.
Being July, it was warm and still fairly light outside.
“I am sorry, Jim. I did not wish to ruin their party.”
Spock’s back was to him as he leaned over the railing to survey the view.
“Don’t be sorry. And the party was for you as much as for them. They understood.”
“Then they are gone?”
“Yes. Just us now. They left the goodies though if you’re hungry.”
Spock did not reply to that.
Jim moved to stand beside him. He wasn’t overly fond of heights, but he wasn’t prettified either.
“Sometimes,” Jim began, “I can’t remember why I ever fell in love with you.”
Spock turned to face him, expression inscrutable.
Jim smiled faintly.
“But that’s a good thing, Spock.”
“It’s because I can’t really remember a time when I wasn’t in love with you,” Jim explained.
“I realize,” Spock said softly. “But I…”
“Can. I know. You became yourself but with a lot of those memories gone. I know. And they haven’t all rushed back. Maybe they’ll never come back, Spock. That’s okay.”
“Is it?” Spock asked again.
“I’d rather have you alive not remembering a thing about me or our life than not have you alive at all. Whatever it took to bring you back, for me, it was worth it.”
“The loss of your son—”
“That had nothing to do with your being here again. That was the Klingons. They alone are responsible for what happened to David. Them and because of Khan’s actions. Perhaps some of my own. But not yours or bringing you back, Spock.”
Spock hesitated. “I do remember some things.”
“I know. And that’s good. But I never want to push you. And our friends didn’t intend that either. They had only good intentions bringing that stuff.”
“Yes. It was just…it seemed like it was merriment I should have recalled, and I did not.”
“To be fair, I’m not sure we ever did Christmas in July on the ship, Spock. Want to come back inside? There are cookies. I’ve been assured they are vegan. At least some of them.”
Spock took the hand Jim held out for him. “I do…care a great deal for you, Jim.”
Jim smiled. “I know you do, Spock. That’s good enough for me.”
He led Spock back inside the apartment and watched as his husband’s gaze strayed over the decorations and then to the table where the sweet treats had been placed.
“I apologize for making them leave.”
“You didn’t, I did. And it’s fine.”
“I have done my research on Christmas, but what is its purpose in July?”
“Just a bit of happy tomfoolery.”
“I see.” Spock nodded. He approached the plate of cookies. “This one has pointed ears. Is it supposed to be a Vulcan?”
Jim looked and chuckled. “Nope. That’s an elf, Spock.”
Spock picked it up, arched his brow, and then bit the head off. “It is unexpectedly delicious.”
Jim rubbed Spock’s arm. “I’m glad. Let’s go sit together on the couch and eat cookies. Drink eggnog. Well, you can have tea and I’ll have the nog.”
Spock prevented Jim from moving away, but only long enough to touch their fingers together. Jim smiled and gave Spock a Human kiss too.
It would be all right. Jim knew.