
Uhura frowned in the direction of the sliding door that led out to the balcony of the San Francisco apartment Jim shared with Spock. Still. At least there was that.
“I’m sorry, Captain. We didn’t mean to make things worse with our little silly celebration. We just thought—”
“No, you didn’t,” Jim quickly assured them.
They were all there. Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, and Bones. His crew. His family many more ways than his real family had been.
Around them they’d pinned Christmas garland and ornaments and signs declaring rather merrily that it was Christmas in July. Spock’s mother was Jewish, of course, though non-practicing. He grew up knowing very little about any Terran holiday, though when he’d had his memory, he’d known much of the crew participated in the merriment. Jim had tried to most of the time himself because those sorts of things were good for moral. He understood the sentiment and why the crew needed these distractions.
Jim appreciated it now, their thought process anyway, and why they’d arrived with decorations and food to cheer up Jim and Spock.
Only just a moment ago, Spock had excused himself to the balcony and he had not come back inside.
“Your thoughtfulness is really so kind,” Jim told them. “But, my friends, it might be best if you leave Spock to me tonight.”
“If you think that’s best,” Uhura said. “Do you want us to take everything away with us?”
Jim shook his head. “No. Leave it here, if you will.”
He walked with them to the door. He did feel bad, but at the moment, Spock was still his priority.
Bones lingered at the door when the others had departed.
“I thought he was better after the whales and all that,” Bones said.
“And he is. That doesn’t mean he’s completely himself or has remembered everything. Sometimes our humanness overwhelms him, Bones. Probably more so than even before.”
“Hmm. Okay. You, um, ever going to discuss his…thing with Saavik?”
Bones was referring to Saavik helping Spock on the Genesis planet, including through a period of Pon Farr. Jim knew what all that meant. He didn’t want to analyze it too closely though.
“I don’t know. It’s not like it was something he could have helped or chose to do, Bones. I’ll contact you tomorrow. Thanks for everything.”
After he closed the door on Bones, he turned back toward the apartment and the merriment they’d left. With a shake of head, he did cut the carols playing, then he opened the door and stepped onto the balcony.
Being July, it was warm and still fairly light outside.
“I am sorry, Jim. I did not wish to ruin their party.”
Spock’s back was to him as he leaned over the railing to survey the view.
“Don’t be sorry. And the party was for you as much as for them. They understood.”
“Then they are gone?”
“Yes. Just us now. They left the goodies though if you’re hungry.”
Spock did not reply to that.
Jim moved to stand beside him. He wasn’t overly fond of heights, but he wasn’t prettified either.
“Sometimes,” Jim began, “I can’t remember why I ever fell in love with you.”
Spock turned to face him, expression inscrutable.
Jim smiled faintly.
“But that’s a good thing, Spock.”
“Is it?”
“It’s because I can’t really remember a time when I wasn’t in love with you,” Jim explained.
“I realize,” Spock said softly. “But I…”
“Can. I know. You became yourself but with a lot of those memories gone. I know. And they haven’t all rushed back. Maybe they’ll never come back, Spock. That’s okay.”
“Is it?” Spock asked again.
“I’d rather have you alive not remembering a thing about me or our life than not have you alive at all. Whatever it took to bring you back, for me, it was worth it.”
“The loss of your son—”
“That had nothing to do with your being here again. That was the Klingons. They alone are responsible for what happened to David. Them and because of Khan’s actions. Perhaps some of my own. But not yours or bringing you back, Spock.”
Spock hesitated. “I do remember some things.”
“I know. And that’s good. But I never want to push you. And our friends didn’t intend that either. They had only good intentions bringing that stuff.”
“Yes. It was just…it seemed like it was merriment I should have recalled, and I did not.”
“To be fair, I’m not sure we ever did Christmas in July on the ship, Spock. Want to come back inside? There are cookies. I’ve been assured they are vegan. At least some of them.”
Spock took the hand Jim held out for him. “I do…care a great deal for you, Jim.”
Jim smiled. “I know you do, Spock. That’s good enough for me.”
He led Spock back inside the apartment and watched as his husband’s gaze strayed over the decorations and then to the table where the sweet treats had been placed.
“I apologize for making them leave.”
“You didn’t, I did. And it’s fine.”
“I have done my research on Christmas, but what is its purpose in July?”
“Just a bit of happy tomfoolery.”
“I see.” Spock nodded. He approached the plate of cookies. “This one has pointed ears. Is it supposed to be a Vulcan?”
Jim looked and chuckled. “Nope. That’s an elf, Spock.”
Spock picked it up, arched his brow, and then bit the head off. “It is unexpectedly delicious.”
Jim rubbed Spock’s arm. “I’m glad. Let’s go sit together on the couch and eat cookies. Drink eggnog. Well, you can have tea and I’ll have the nog.”
“Very well.”
Spock prevented Jim from moving away, but only long enough to touch their fingers together. Jim smiled and gave Spock a Human kiss too.
It would be all right. Jim knew.
July 12, 2021 at 4:08 am
Always with the feelings and emotions. Such a tough time, but you always bring in the hope and loving.
I love it!
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July 12, 2021 at 6:47 am
thank you!
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July 12, 2021 at 8:39 am
Oh My Gosh. And then you throw Saavik and Pon Farr into the big middle of it?
Wow. I was NOT expecting that. This. At all. How bittersweet and nostalgic.
So sweet of the crew to show up and surprise them both, trying to interject as much lighthearted joy and fun as possible.
I was thinking how Spock would eventually get used to these guys – I mean, one of the very first things after Fal-tor-pan and his recognition of Jim, was the crew crowding around him and celebrating his mindful return with elations. So this fit right into canon! It’s what they would do. In any way they could.
So yeah, this is amazing. But on a different level as it really pulls on my emotions and my stomach. I ache for all of them. Very very thoughtful approach to CIJ.
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July 12, 2021 at 8:57 am
Yes I think it’s a little melancholy but also hopeful in that things will eventually be all right between Spock and Jim and also the others. I imagine it would take him a while to recover and perhaps not ever entirely.
And yes, I thought I would address the Saavik/Pon Farr thing, however, briefly. And as Jim says here it’s not something Spock would have necessarily chosen but it did happen.
❤
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July 12, 2021 at 9:04 am
Yeah, I don’t think that’s anything ANY of us would have chosen!!!!! 😉
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July 12, 2021 at 9:08 am
I mean, Spock wasn’t even Spock yet. He didn’t have his Katra. I always think of him as pretty much an empty shell – his physical self was just a victim of experiencing everything a maturing Human and Vulcan body would, but his mind was totally blank and empty. What do you think of that idea?
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July 12, 2021 at 9:10 am
Which means- I’ve always wondered if after Fal-tor-pan, Spock even remembered that Pon Farr experience with Saavik…
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July 12, 2021 at 9:24 am
I viewed Spock as a mentor to Saavik, more like a father/daughter relationship (sort of like the one they did later with Kim Cattrall’s Vulcan who betrayed Spock) so to me it was particularly icky that they went there, but they did.
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July 12, 2021 at 9:26 am
It’s unclear in the movie though I think a novel was written that the reason Saavik stayed behind on Vulcan was that she was pregnant with Spock’s child. Eww. I mean again, he was a teen, and two, the father/daughter thing to ME.
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July 12, 2021 at 10:41 pm
Very sad and hopeful at the same time. It is so definitely what the crew, their family would do to try to bring love and celebration to Jim and Spock’s lives. I can understand Spock’s response when he can’t remember this type of event or how to respond to it. Spock just follow Jim’s lead. He won’t steer you wrong.
Now I’m picturing Spock eating elf cookies. Cute!!
Love the kiss Spock gives to Jim, Jim’s answering kiss and Jim’s thoughts at the end. “It would be all right. Jim knew.” 😘❤️💚🖖 🎄 🎅 🤶 🧝 🍪
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July 13, 2021 at 12:20 pm
I fixed it for you and got rid of the comment where you corrected yourself 🙂
thank you 🙂
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July 13, 2021 at 2:20 pm
Thank you! Between auto correct, and my speed in hitting the comment button without proofreading… it leads to trouble. Lol! ❤
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