Sometimes he didn’t mind being alone. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence. Most of his childhood had been spent that way. At least until he got sent away. But before that, before Sam had left, Jim spent most days finding ways to entertain himself. Most of his classmates thought he was too smart or too cocky or too cute or…too something.
He’s made friends on Tarsus, but that hadn’t gone well.
And when he’d gone to the academy, well, he’d met Bones. He’d met a few others. Gary Mitchell, for example, but Gary went batshit crazy and decided he was a god with psychic powers.
Bones stuck with him though and that was good.
He got the Enterprise and he loved his crew, he did. And he was pretty sure he’d gained their admiration and trust, if not their love. His officers were friendly with him and occasionally he spent time with them.
It was all good.
And then there was Spock.
They were friends. At least Spock had finally admitted it while Jim was dying. And during his recovery he had acted like they were friends and things were good.
But once they got on the Enterprise, well, things got strange again. Spock wasn’t openly derisive like he’d once been. But he grew distant and spent most of his off time with Uhura.
Bones was great, he really was, but Jim supposed Bones needed a break from him every once in a while.
And so when they’d gone to Yorktown, Jim had spent his time there, before being called in by Commodore Paris, alone.
Everything changed with Krall, of course. All Jim’s doubts that had crept in about his place in all this disappeared.
He belonged with the Enterprise. He was the captain. And if it meant being alone the rest of his damn life, he had the ship. His beautiful lady.
There were still times he got bored. Still times he wanted to do anything but spend his time alone in his quarters. This was one of those times.
Bones was busy. There’d been a minor explosion on deck five that had caused a few injuries and as grumpy as Bones could be, he was grumpier still when he had casualties to tend to.
So he found out via the computer that Spock was in lab 6, so, after some contemplation, he headed there.
He’d made it to the outside of the lab when he heard the low murmur of voices. Uhura and Spock.
Damn, he hadn’t intended to interrupt a date or whatever.
“Spock,” Uhura’s voice suddenly rose. “You need to tell him.”
“It is…difficult.”
“Of course it is. But he needs to know. You can’t go on like this. We can’t go on like this. So the only thing to do is tell him. He needs to know your decision.”
Fuck.
Spock was going to leave.
Bones had told him about Spock maybe going to New Vulcan before all the Krall stuff happened. He’d heard that Spock and Uhura had even ended their relationship over it, briefly, as they were back together, obviously.
Which probably meant they would both leave.
“I cannot. To lose him as a friend—”
“You won’t. He won’t react that way.”
Of course Jim wouldn’t. He would support Spock leaving if that was what he wanted. But he couldn’t hear anymore. It was too much.
He turned around and went back down the corridor and to the turbolift. He willed away the tears that sprang to his eyes.
He was the captain. And he would get through this just like he got through everything.
Sheer determination.
Comments
16 responses to “Sheer Determination”
Ack! So powerful. And hits me right in the feels. My heart is breaking for Jim!
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Yes poor Jim. Now…should I write more? LOL
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Exciting new story.
“Most of his classmates thought he was too smart or too cocky or two cute or…too something.”
Please add my name to the “cute” column. Except, for me, that would be reason to spend MORE time, not less, with him!
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Iv – I just reblogged 3 pics on tumblr just for you in case you hadn’t seen them (knowing you, you probably have) – not because I liked them but because I so viscerally hate them. As soon as you let me know you saw them, I’ll delete and unfollow they who I was following. I hate him. Hate.
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Ugh just ugh. I hate him too. HATE. Irrational maybe but HATE
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I hate that he was in …extended…version for that porch pic. I hate him. I want better for Z than that. And granted, it’s none of my business. I know that. But to me, Z deserves better.
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I really don’t see what Z sees in him. Even after seeing the naked pics. Just don’t get it.
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It also just hit me – without me even expecting it and for danged sure without WANTING it, as it just popped up on my dashboard with no warning whatsoever. Miles is now the only totally, completely exposed naked man I have seen in over a decade. That actually makes me angrier. He would NOT have been my one choice for sure!
It also, for sure, won’t be happening again. All deleted and unfollowed.
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Yeah honestly he does nothing for me. His body is “okay” I don’t think his face is attractive at all. He’s no CP that’s for sure. I mean you love who you love I guess. But yeah I’ve seen a few re-blogs of that account and it’s obviously someone who LOVES them together. Not me.
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Now who says there is more? LOL
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You would never leave a story there. You love your readers too much to do that!
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Oh my! Poor Jim, so alone and then he hears this.
Tell me there will be more to this story, please!
❤
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Ah should there be? LOL
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i neeeed more! I need to know what Spock is going to tell him!
😦 poor Jim
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Poor sweetie
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Nice ficlet and picture pairing! I’d read more obviously!
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