Zach didn’t know why he was so nervous. This was
all going to work out.
Wasn’t it?
God. It wasn’t. What the hell was he even
thinking?
And yet here he was. Sitting in a car two blocks
away from Chris’ house. What did he expect? Chris to be peering out the window
of his house looking for him? Chris’ house was secluded and he wouldn’t even
notice Zach parked there anyway.
Besides, Chris wasn’t there at the moment and
wouldn’t be home until later. After nine.
God, he hoped he wasn’t home or otherwise this
was going to fuck up his plans badly.
Zach had contacted Chris’ parents to know for
sure their son was going to be home in LA, as he hadn’t wanted to take any
chances, after all, there’d been plenty of times he’d thought to go see Chris
and then remembered he was…somewhere.
Backpacking
in Spain, Christopher?
Okay, yeah, he could have just asked Chris. ‘Hey,
you going to be home on such and such day?’ Easy Peasy. Who says that anyway?
But then there’d be no surprise, would there? If Chris knew he was coming it
just wouldn’t work out the way he wanted it to work out.
And anyway, Chris thought Zach was in New York
still.
Zach had just returned from New York. And wasn’t
that a weird thought? He’d left LA, thought he wouldn’t be coming back. He
loved it. He did. But there was so much there he hadn’t thought he’d ever have,
ever could have. Moved to New York to start a new life. He loved New York. Zach
had been born and raised on the East Coast, after all. Met a man who he’d
thought he might spend the rest of his life with. Even bought an apartment in
Manhattan. With that guy.
If he had never quite gotten Chris out of his
system, out of his heart, well, that was acceptable. He could see Chris
sometimes, touch him sometimes, see that smile that made his stomach flutter,
hear that silly little giggle of his. And it was enough.
Zach thought.
Then he and Miles started talking about leaving
New York. Miles wanted to get more into acting than modeling. And he didn’t
think Broadway, stage work, was for him. They’d made the decision to sell their
place in New York and move back to LA.
Zach didn’t know if it was the right decision. At
the time they’d talked about it, Chris was seeing that British actress,
Annabelle. Zach didn’t know much about her or them, but the pictures he’d seen
online seemed like they were getting close. But it had seemed that way when
he’d been with the Ice Princess, until he wasn’t with her anymore.
And he’d realized, then, that what Chris was
doing with her or anyone was not his business. He was with Miles, he firmly
reminded himself.
Miles had hinted around that with this big move
they should make another big move. And Zach had tried not to panic. Marriage
was good. Great. For other people.
But him and Miles—
Then it had taken so long to sell their place.
Zach changed his mind about making the move a dozen times.
Finally they got an offer. Maybe a little low,
but they took it, because Miles really wanted to go. Then just as they were
packing up, his boyfriend came to him to say he had something to talk about.
Zach dreaded that it was about marrying again.
And then he thought maybe Miles wanted to tell him he’d cheated, because the
thing was, Zach had found the condom, so he knew.
Miles telling him he was going to move to Paris
instead, because he’d gotten a better offer, a much better offer for a modeling
contract than he’d get for starting out acting in LA, was not what Zach had
expected. At all.
And Zach heard himself saying, “Paris? I don’t
want to move to Paris.”
Miles had gotten this strange look on his face
and then he’d said, “I’m not asking you to.”
That was the end of them. After years together.
Miles gave him excuses. Stuff about him sensing Zach’s reluctance to marry him,
that there was always someone else, and many other things that Zach barely
listened to, he’d made them himself before. In the end, it hadn’t mattered. He
found he didn’t care. He was surprisingly okay with it all.
His New York friends wanted him to stay. He
almost did. No one in LA seemed to care whether he came or not. He hadn’t even
bought a place. He was going to have to rent.
Then he’d got the text from Chris late one night
just as he was about to decide to stay in New York after all.
I know
this is crazy, but I miss you.
Nine words. All it took was nine words.
He got on the plane to LA.
That was then, of course. And when he’d first
made it to LA he had no idea the giant turn his life would take.
When Chris had said he missed him, he’d really
meant it.
Zach had barely made it through the door of
Chris’ house before Chris had been kissing him. The desperation there was
something Zach would never forget.
They’d fallen into bed together, like it was the
old days, the old times of LA. And they hadn’t gotten back out for three days.
Chris had been delighted he was no longer with
Miles and trying to hide that, but not terribly successful at it. And Chris,
for his part, had ended things with Annabelle. Zach didn’t ask any questions
because he really hadn’t wanted to know.
They’d been seeing each other ever since.
Chris had talked about maybe Zach living with him
when he first got there, but Zach thought something like that was too big for
both of them, at that point anyway, and so he’d rented a house pretty close to
his old neighborhood. And Chris hadn’t mentioned them living together again.
It ended up being kind of better that way because
Chris was gone so often, his acting career getting more and more important, his
A List status more than assured. Still more often than not it was him who took
care of Chris’ dog. When Zach was around.
He found himself returning to New York more often
than he’d thought he would at first. Offers for plays still kept coming in and
Zach liked doing them. There were plays in LA, sure, but it wasn’t the same,
and the offers didn’t come as often.
So he’d find himself in hotels rooms doing the
plays.
The third one he’d done was only for four weeks
but when he’d come back, Chris was waiting for him, not at his own home, but at
Zach’s rental. He’d let himself in, they both had keys to each other’s houses,
and he’d been waiting for Zach, sitting on the couch that had come with the
house, holding a glass of amber colored whiskey.
“Hey,” Zach had greeted him, setting his suitcase
down in the front hall. He hadn’t expected him to be there, he hadn’t said. The
car service had only moments before let Zach out in front of the rental and he
hadn’t even noticed one of Chris’ vintage cars out front, like he normally
might have. But he was fucking tired.
And okay, maybe just a tad grumpy, because he was
feeling vaguely annoyed that Chris was there without…well not permission, of
course not, but…without telling him.
But Chris was scrutinizing him over the glass of
whiskey and the reprimanding words stuck in his throat. Something was up and
Zach had tried not to feel dread. But damn, the old fears were rearing up.
Zach walked over to the couch and sat down on the
arm of it.
“What’s up?”
“Are you sorry?”
Momentarily nonplussed, Zach said nothing. He
waited for Chris to elaborate.
“Because it seems you are.”
The irritation flared. “Want to clue me in,
Christopher?”
“About moving back here,” he blurted out, his
face reddening. “Because it seems like, I don’t know, you’re always going back
to New York. Always doing plays. And Miles—”
“He’s not there, Chris. He’s in Paris now.”
Chris took a drink. “He was there in New York
this past weekend.”
“I didn’t know that. I didn’t see him.” And Zach
laughed, because really, it was so damn absurd. He’d never cheat on Chris with
Miles in a million years. Other way around, buddy. “I’m done with Miles, Chris.
There’s only you.”
“Why do you keep going back then?”
“Work. I like it. And, fuck, you’re one to talk. You
take so many jobs my head spins. And if it’s not a job, it’s going off on a
guys’ trip fishing and camping.”
“You could come with us.”
Zach snorted.
Chris smiled a little then, put down his glass,
got up from the couch and went over to where Zach had perched himself. Zach put
his hands on Chris’ waist and tugged him near.
“It’s just…I like you.” He laughed and got
redder.
“I like you too, babe. And if you give me a
chance to take a shower, I’ll show you how much. But, can you make me some
coffee?”
And hadn’t that been a great night. His
irritation and Chris’ unexpected intrusion had faded away fast.
Why was he going down memory lane anyway? Because
he was stalling getting out of the car and doing this.
Maybe there was still time to back out. Chris didn’t
even know he was home. He still thought Zach was in New York finishing up a
play. He’d lied about when the play closed just so he could put this plan into
motion. And now…he was having second and third and fourth thoughts.
About everything.
The wine he’d chosen. The music. The fucking suit
Chris liked so much. Sure, Chris fingering the lapel of his suit and looking at
him in that way he had of looking at Zach like he just wanted Zach to eat him
up, during an interview for God’s sake, was burned into Zach’s brain. But would
Chris even remember it? So much had happened since then.
The food. God. He’d gone for elegant, but maybe
Chris would have preferred a damn pizza. What if he’d eaten with his friends?
With the other actors? What if he stopped for fast food on the way?
He loved Chris. There was no question about that.
He’d loved Chris before Chris loved him. Zach was sure about that. Way back in
their LA days before either of them were anything
or anybody.
And he’d left for a new life because Jonathan and
any other guy he’d seen in LA just wasn’t enough to get over Chris, to forget how
much he fucking ached for him.
Chris had been the one who hadn’t wanted to be ‘them’ then. Chris who was bisexual and
liked it that way. He wanted to be with women and men. Commitment was for
suckers. Hell, Zach heard him tell Patrick that.
What if he hadn’t really changed? What if he
laughed in Zach’s face? What if he got that weird panicked look on his face
like he had when the reporter chick had asked him about Mrs. Pine?
And where had he even come up with this idea
from? He was not by nature a romantic
guy. He wasn’t. He was a sexual guy,
sure. But he didn’t bring anyone flowers and when he gave gifts they were
usually of a practical nature.
This was all his brother’s fault. Joe had given
him some bullshit about how Chris did
appreciate romance and so he should go all out for this. And boy, had he.
Suddenly the ring box was burning a hole in his
pants pocket.
He really needed to just do this and consequences
be damned.
Zach reached for the car door handle and popped
the door open. His legs even managed to shift out of the seat and onto solid
ground.
Mrs. Quinto didn’t raise a coward, he reminded
himself.
And all his stuff, other than that burning ring
box, that is, was in the trunk. If he didn’t hurry he’d be walking up the
street in the dark. So he went to the trunk of the car and clicked it open.
The trek up the incline to Chris’ house wasn’t as
bad as he had anticipated. He’d thought he might have to make a few trips back
and forth but using sheer will and pluck, he’d managed to carry it all in one
trip.
He plunked it down in front of the front door and
listened.
Not a peep.
Zach breathed a sigh of relief and fished his key
to Chris’ house out of his back pocket. With key turned, he opened the door
easily and brought the bags of stuff inside.
“Chris?” he called out just in case.
Nothing.
Wednesday was safely ensconced at Chris’ parents’
house, per arrangement with Chris’ happily cooperative dad. Zach loved the dog
but this was his time with Chris.
He looked at his watch and realized he had two
hours to set everything up and that included cooking. He’d better get busy.
****
Zach was just putting together the salad he
wanted to serve for first course when he realized it was getting close to nine.
Scarily close.
And if he thought he was nervous before, it was
nothing compared to what he was feeling now. His heart beat so fast he began to
become concerned he had caused himself to have a heart attack.
He picked up the red stemless wine glass
containing the merlot he had poured himself earlier to take off the edge.
On the kitchen counter’s edge was the box that
contained his destiny.
Okay, okay, he was being way overdramatic. He was
entitled, all right?
If Chris said yes…oh hell, he was going to
hyperventilate.
If Chris said no…he’d die.
Which scenario was worse anyway?
Chris not showing up at all, probably. Because
for all Zach knew, he might have gone out for drinks and he’d be eating this
damn meal by himself.
He looked down at himself and realized he still
hadn’t put on the suit. Fuck. It was almost time. He’d have to hurry.
Zach picked up the suit and carried it into the
bathroom to change into it. All the while his ears were strained to listen to
Chris coming up to his house and maybe the door. Had Chris driven? Or had he
taken a car service?
How could he not know this crap? He should have
memorized every last detail.
Suit on, he left the bathroom and went to the
front door. Checked the lock. As far as he knew, Chris always entered through
the front door. He’d have to go into his backyard to get in any other way and
that seemed way too much trouble.
But if it was too much trouble, that usually
meant Chris would do it.
Zach checked his watch. It was now three minutes
past nine.
He turned toward the dining room. Flameless
candles lit. Okay, switched on. Chris would completely appreciate safety first.
Good plates set at the table, gleaming and shining they were so clean. Polished
silverware set at the exact correct parts on the table, per etiquette. Okay, so
his Mama taught him.
Wine glasses filled and set by both seats. Salad
ready. Chateaubriand for two.
Zach straightened his tie.
His heart seized as he heard the sound of a car
door close outside the front of Chris’ house.
Oh God.
And what if Chris was not happy to see him? It’s
true he wasn’t generally as prickly as Zach. Okay, yeah, he could admit it, all
right? But, well, he just didn’t know what to expect.
Worse, what if Chris brought someone home with
him? He hadn’t even known Zach had returned from New York. What if—
The key turned in the door.
It was far too late to run now.
Door twisted open and Chris stood there, wearing
his glasses and staring at Zach like he thought Zach was a zombie. Not exactly
the reaction he hoped for but at least Chris wasn’t screaming.
“Hi,” Zach said.
“Zach, what are you doing here?”
And he looked past Chris and was relieved to see
he was alone at least. No one there to witness his humiliation.
“I wanted to see you,” he said simply.
The blue eyes widened behind the glasses and
looked past Zach to the set table.
“You’re in New York,” Chris said, dazed. “Aren’t
you?”
He bit back his usual propensity for sarcasm and
went for simple. “No. Want to close your door?”
Chris looked at the door, seemed confused and
then closed it. He looked a little like a lost puppy. An adorable lost puppy.
He turned back to Zach. “You look really amazing.
I can’t believe you’re here.”
“A good thing, I hope?”
Chris blinked. “Yeah. God, yeah. Sorry, I’ve
just…today has been kind of challenging.” He set down the bag he’d been
carrying, that Zach only just noticed, and came toward Zach, throwing his arms
around Zach and touching him, embracing him at last. And holding him tight.
Chris had a way of sinking into him when they hugged. Chris tended to awkward
hug with people he wasn’t comfortable with. That had never been the way with
them. Chris always softened and cuddled into him and Zach loved that. “It’s
great to see you. Fantastic.”
“A little better,” Zach grumbled.
Chris laughed then and touched his fingers to
Zach’s jaw. “You look so good I want to go right to bed.” He leaned in to kiss
Zach then, soft and sweet, and all too brief. He looked at the table. “What’s
all this?”
“I made you dinner. There’s a salad and
Chateaubriand.”
“Wow.”
“And a…ice cream cake.” He blushed over that and
didn’t even know why.
Chris grinned. “You went all out. What’s the
occasion?”
“Funny you should ask.” Zach took a deep breath
and then exhaled going to where he’d left the ring box. He picked it up and
wondered if he had done the right thing having the ring engraved with the
Vulcan script for T’hy’la. Was it too corny?
“Zachary?”
He shivered. Chris hardly ever called him that. And when he did it was usually when they were
in bed and his eyes were so warm and loving.
He gripped the ring box and stepped over to where
Chris stood. Zach held out the box for Chris, who automatically took it. He
dropped to his knee.
“Christopher Whitelaw Pine, you are the most
amazing, beautiful man, human, I have ever met, known, been with. You’re more
than my best friend. More than my brother. More than my lover. Every day I am
in awe of you more. I love you more than there are words in any language to
convey how deep it is. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
Chris said nothing as he opened the lid of the
box and stared down at the platinum engraved ring. He rubbed his finger along
the edge and then, without a word, handed it back to Zach.
Zach’s heart felt like it was on fire as it
surely broke in two. He took the box and closed the lid, coming to his feet.
His face felt as hot as if he’d been sunburned.
“Okay.” He nodded. “Okay. I…I get it. I just…I
thought—”
“Zach” Chris whispered.
“No. I mean, it’s fine. It is. Just…” He exhaled
again. “Enjoy the steak, okay? I mean it’s-it’s all for you. I need some air.”
He spun on his heels and headed for the front
door.
“Zach?”
He wrenched the door opened and walked outside,
pretty sure he was going to throw up. How? How had he gotten this so wrong? How
had he fucked this up so badly? Was it the gay thing? But he thought—
“Zach!”
Suddenly Chris had hold of his arm and had spun
him around. They were standing in the courtyard of Chris’s front yard.
“What is this?”
Zach frowned. “What?”
“If this was a joke, you’ve really gone too far,
Quinto.” Chris looked angry. Furious even. But also really, really hurt.
“It’s not a joke. I just…I wanted to marry you,
but if you don’t—”
“Don’t?” Chris gave a strangled cry. “God,
sometimes I just want to smash your face in.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Just wait here. Okay? Can you do that?”
Chris ran back into the house and Zach just stood
there, in the front yard, suddenly chilled, holding onto himself, the ring now
shoved into his suit pocket.
Less than five minutes later, Chris returned
holding a ring box that looked weirdly similar to his.
Zach sucked in a breath. “What-what is that?”
“Can you guess?”
He shook his head.
Chris sighed and looked away, then back to the
ring box he held. “I’ve-I’ve had this for a long time.” He opened it to reveal
a gold band with a tiny diamond chip around it, it too was engraved and as Zach
looked at it, he saw that it said, “Forever Yours” in both Gaelic and Italian.
His gaze flew to Chris. “How long?”
“Since we were filming Into Darkness.”
Zach took the box from Chris and picked up the
ring. It was beautiful and from his just eyeballing it, it seemed to be his
size.
“I got the words from your-your mom.”
“You did? But you never—”
Chris shook his head, his eyes wet. “I was going
to tell you everything. How much I wanted to be…so much more than friends or
fuck buddies or the guy you sometimes screw, whatever. I wanted it all. And it
was going to be worth everything. No
more hiding any part of me. Any part of us. I was so damn in love with you. I
was going to tell you,” he said again. “But then you brought Miles. You brought
him around to the set and introduced him as your boyfriend and you were so damn
happy it seemed, you were grinning from ear to ear. I shut it all down because
I had to. It was all…too late. I lost
hope.”
“Christopher,” Zach whispered. His chest hurt.
But most of all it hurt for Chris. He couldn’t even imagine how that must have
felt. “Why did you give me back my ring?”
“So you could put it on me you dolt, when I said
yes.” He smiled through his tears. “Which I do. Say yes, I mean. Where is it?”
Zach laughed, feeling giddy and stupid all at the
same time. He took out the ring box, pulled out the ring and seized Chris’
hand, putting it on his ring finger. “They don’t match.”
Chris took the gold one for Zach and slid it on
his. “Yeah, I actually think they go together perfectly.” His eyes were
shining. “Kind of like us. If you say yes.”
“Yes.”
“I wondered. Because you never married Miles
and…”
Zach put his finger on Chris’ lip. “He wasn’t
you.”
Chris grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the
house. “Come on. That Chateaubriand smells too good to waste it.”
“And very good wine.”
“And an ice cream cake.” Zach stopped him in the
doorway and drew him in close for a kiss. “I love you, Christopher.”
“I love you, Zachary.”
Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto) 