And Totally Modern Jim continues

Jim slid into the bench of the booth to sit across from his friend, Nyota Uhura. The restaurant she’d chosen was pretty bland and not his favorite. Hugo’s Health Food Restaurant.

“To think we could have gone for Asian fusion.”

Nyota wrinkled her nose. “I don’t like fusion. And besides you know I have to be careful. I can’t have dairy or gluten.”

“Or anything good,” he mumbled.

She snorted. “You’ll survive missing a cheeseburger once in a while.” She paused to glance briefly at the menu, but then she put it down just as fast. “So, what do you think?”

Jim knew what she wanted but he liked to make her ask for it.

“About?”

“Montgomery Scott. Is he…”

“I met a weird guy.”

“Everyone you meet is weird. Can we just—”

The waitress arrived at their table. “Something to drink?”

“Coffee?” Jim asked hopefully.

“Sorry, honey. We don’t serve coffee.”

Nyota smirked. “We’ll have a pot of cranberry tea, Doris. And thank you.”

“Cranberry tea.” Jim sighed. “He was weirder than most.”

“Can we get back to my problem?”

“So Scott’s a problem?” Jim was amused.

“You know what I mean,”

“Contrary to popular opinion, I do not have gaydar.”

“Jim—”

“But no, he’s totally straight. And into you.”

She looked hopeful. “Yeah?”

The waitress arrived with their pot of bloody red tea. Okay not bloody red, but it was pinkish nevertheless and wholly unappetizing. Come to think of it, Jim knew a lot of weirdos.

 “I’m pretty sure.”

She made a face. “Why hasn’t he asked me out then?”

“Because guys like that think girls like you are off limits to them. That you wouldn’t be interested in him.”

“Why not?”

Jim shrugged. “Probably because you prance around acting like you’re God’s gift to men.”

Nyota gave him a look. Sniffed. “I am.”

He laughed. “And that’s why he hasn’t asked you. Scotty’s an average guy. He thinks you’re out of his league. If you want to get something started, Ny, you’re going to have to ask him.”

“Fine.”

She poured them each a cup of the tea and Jim took a tentative sip.

“It’s as bad as I thought it would be.” He glanced at the menu. “What can I get here that won’t make grass grow on my chest or something?”

“They do have a veggie burger on a gluten free bun.”

“Swell.” But when the waitress came, that’s what he ordered.

She leaned her chin on her hand. “So tell me about the weird guy. Who is he?”

“He lives next door. He dresses pretty strange. Like a Tibetan monk or something. Some of the time, anyway.”

“Like what the Dalai Lama wears?”

Jim frowned. “No, no. More like, uh, I guess a Franciscan monk. Like Friar Tuck from Robin Hood. But sometimes he just wears regular pants and a sweater with a hoodie.”

She looked amused. “Are you stalking him? You know an awful lot about his wardrobe.”

“Of course not. But he lives next door. He also has pointy ears.”

“Pointy ears?”

“Like Legolas.”

“Oh.” She nodded. “Like a Lord of the Rings fanatic. Just like wears fake ones all the time?”

“I think his are real.”

She snorted. “All right, you’re right, he’s weird.”

“Thing is, I kinda like him. He’s trying to get a teaching job at the Science Institute.”

“You like everyone.” She patted his head. “Honey, you aren’t always the best judge of character as far as relationships go.”

“What?”

“Gary.”

“Asshole.”

“Ruth.”

“Bitch.”

She laughed. “You’re making my point for me. Just, you know, be careful with this pointy eared dude. What’s his name?”

“Spock.”

“Spock what?”

“Just Spock.”

She snorted again. “Be really careful, Jim.”

He sighed. “Yeah.”