Yes, that garden stake you saw in Friday’s flash is something I ordered. From Hobby Lobby (don’t judge me lol)

I have officially started my week’s vacation as of now.

Sister has a friend who has some money and tomorrow we are going to three wineries she is a member of and doing some tasting as well as a picnic outdoors. For dinner she is a member of a yacht club so we are dining there at their restaurant. It’s good to have friends richer than you.

This week I go with my sister to that casino and hotel in San Diego. I think we will have great fun.

I myself also joined a wine club. You get shipments three times a year. It’s one of my favorite wineries up north. That’s just a random side note.

It’s funny how the strangest things and memories and thoughts can set you off to weeping over your lost loved one.

Ma used to keep stashes of money. She played bingo weekly, loved Vegas, and until she had dementia went with my sister to the Native American casinos. She was pretty lucky too. So she kept stashes of money. If you went with her, and you gave her a sad face that you were out of money, she would take out her stash and pluck some bills for you. She could be super generous obviously.

Anyway, my sister came across some of her stash yesterday, another $200 in her underwear drawer in her closet. She gave me $100 and kept the other for herself. This made me cry. This was my mother’s money, she should be the one spending it. My mother, that is. And yes, I 100% know she has passed away from this life, I hope to a better one. At the very least she is out of pain. But this was her money and it makes me sad to get it. It just does. And I’m having a lot of weird guilt over it.

So yes, I am still struggling with grief.

Thanks for listening.