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Reflections

I’ve Been Over This Before I Know

But I am giving serious consideration to closing the blog at the end of this month. I haven’t decided for sure, but no option is off the table. At times, to be honest, I have found it to be burdensome to come up with a flash to post here. Let alone months of flashes. And it seems it’s almost impossible not to spend time repeating myself because I have written so many.

I’ll be also honest and tell you all I am paying for this blog. That’s right I am paying an annual fee. It’s not a huge amount but it’s not nothing either. So that’s also a consideration. Do I want to continue to pay?

So another option rather than outright killing would be one flash a week instead of three to five (or more). Or a few a month. Or just when inspiration hits. That would require people to get email notification here but I think most of you here anyway.

The other thing I want to say is as a treat, there will be a flash MTWTHF 19-23.

Anyway, we’ll see. But hopefully you can enjoy what’s coming up the rest of this month

Photo by Becerra Govea Photo on Pexels.com

Time to Remember

Haven’t had time to finish the next part of my Five Things story (hopefully soon) but I have scheduled the last couple of June flashes and even the first Christmas in July

Aftermath is a bit angstier than some I have featured. Jim has left Starfleet after feeling betrayed. There is a lot of sex. A lot. It was back in the days when I wrote a lot of sex. Now I am lazy! It was written in 2015 and 2016. There’s even some angry sex. But the boys love each other and get their HEA

I wanted to have Jim have sex with the Orion Pirate in this story but I listened to someone else who talked me out of it and now years later I am sorry I let them. Ah well. I wouldn’t have had it on the pages, Spock would have found out after, etc…

Anyway, this was one of my favorite stories back in the day. I used lines from songs I adored as chapter titles.

Check it out if you get a chance

Remembrance

Flowers We Received

A year ago, Mom died.

On May 16th last year, we had to move her from the bed she’d slept in for over 25 years to a hospital bed in her room because we were unable to get her in and out of her real bed anymore. She was too weak. Up to that point for weeks, we had bathed her, cleaned her, dressed her and put her to bed. Cancer is a bitch, as I am sure most of you unfortunately know.

Still the 16th was a shocking day, though we knew it was coming. She no longer would eat and barely would take a few sips of water. The hospice people started giving her morphine that day and she never really came out of it to full consciousness after that. She was on oxygen. Each day I would go over to my sister’s to see her and I hope she knew I was there.

On May 20th, the nurses told my sister I should probably come. So I did. She didn’t pass that night, but we spent time with her. She never liked to be touched or hugged or comforted that way. She was raised in a rather cold Irish Catholic family and that’s just the way they all were. But she let us that last night. We stroked her hand and told her we loved her.

I went home that night when the night nurse came. I returned the next morning, May 21st. We kept the oxygen on then only so the priest could come for last rites (they call it the anointing of the sick now). When he finally arrived, we went through it with him.

After his departure, they turned off her oxygen, and it really was very quick after that. Not even an hour. I was in the room next to her when she passed. It was both easier than I thought it would be and torture at the same time.

It’s hard to believe we’ve already had a year pass. Today we are bring flowers to where her ashes are buried and then spending the rest of the day celebrating her long life as she made it very close to 95 years.

Anyway, thank you for listening.

Mother’s Day Flash, May 08, 2022

Photo by George Dolgikh @ Giftpundits.com on Pexels.com

It was evening now and Winona was trying not to be disappointed she hadn’t heard from Jim. That morning she’d gotten a message from Sam, his wife, Aurelan, and their son, Peter from Deneva where they were living.

But not a word from her baby.

She knew he was in space on a starship likely out of contact with Earth, but it was Mother’s Day and she was missing him.

So she took out a pint of strawberry swirl ice cream and she ate directly from the carton.

She  didn’t get to hear from Jim often. He was an important captain in Starfleet, sent on many missions to save millions of lives. He’d called her on her birthday and before that on his. She never heard from him at holiday time.

Winona thought she should be used to it but she wasn’t really. And it had been even longer since she’d seen him in person. He’d been in a hospital in San Francisco after receiving some injury he wouldn’t give her details about. She’d heard the name Khan whispered by that doctor friend of his. And saw his Vulcan first officer standing sentinel by his side. She didn’t really know anything else.

But she’d gotten to hold him for a full ten minutes.

The door bell rang as she was about to finish off her ice cream and she went to the door slowly. She guessed she was getting a flower delivery, probably courtesy of Jim. He’d asked someone to ask someone to ask someone to get flowers to her.

It was something, anyway, though she would rather hear his voice.

There was a knock this time as she reached for the knob.

“Okay, Okay. Keep your shirt on.”

Winona opened the door and there he was.

Her baby.

She burst into tears as he pulled her close and held her.

The best Mother’s Day ever.

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

Happy Mother’s Day out there in the US. It’s a sad day for me. We lost Ma a year ago in May (21) and last year was the last Mother’s Day with her, though in all honesty she wasn’t very alert even then.

I thought I’d write this little extra flash.  

May Day Ramblings

I don’t know the date anymore, but it was several years ago, that M and I returned from a trip to find that sister and Mom had purchased for us our first “Smart” TV from Walmart and left it for us in our house. It was pretty small as far as those things are concerned but we only had a small space in our IKEA purchased entertainment center.

We’ve wanted to upgrade for a number of years now but we had the same old obnoxious entertainment center. This year we decided to get a new one, entertainment center, that would accommodate a bigger Smart TV. So M finally ordered one and we’ve been procrastinating ever since. Today we packed away our DVDs/BluRays and gaming systems so that we could finally put together the new one and get the old one out the door.

It’s a big project but we want that new TV and want this old entertainment center that’s been around since the 1990s, no not kidding, gone.

It reminded me though how many movies and television shows I actually own! Probably thousands of dollars worth. When and if the dang thing is ever finished I will post a picture once we get the new television.

Anyway that’s what’s going around here on a Sunday.

Time to Remember

Recently another writer on A03 posted a one-shot with Jim as the Professor and it got me to thinking about The Human Professor.

Here are some fun facts about it.

It was 16 chapters but only 20,583 words

It was written between January 05, 2016-July 04,2016.

It has a whopping 51,610 hits and 2,655 kudos (and nope that’s not my highest of either)

It’s been translated into another language and inspired a much less popular sequel called Home for the Holidays.

By contrast, Home for the Holidays had just 12,152 words, 763 kudos and 15,099 hits. Big big difference. No idea why but this is one of the reasons I loathe doing sequels. Readers beg for them and then…it’s never the same. I mean I do them but it’s NOT my preference.

And there you are. I love the original story and hope you do too.

PS. I did receive a comment at one point implying I was fetishizing glasses wearing in that story. LOL. I wear glasses myself so was a bit surprised by the comment. They told me that people who wear glasses don’t act like Jim in the story. It was news to me! Anyway, eventually they apologized and admitted their comments were out of line and exaggerated. I think those comments are gone, I dunno. But another fun fact!

April Expectations

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I have to laugh at the above picture. I can’t even tell you when I last used a type writer. Some of you younger folks probably haven’t even seen one in person.

Fun fact, when I was in “Junior High” which I think is Middle School now, one of our required classes was “Typing” and yes on a type writer. There was also sewing and cooking. And both genders had to take them. “Life” skills aren’t really taught anymore.

But I digress, obviously.

You can expect Totally Modern Jim M-F in April. If it’s not done by May, then I will continue the same pattern into May, but we will see how it goes. Some day when it’s finished I expect to post on A03

Speaking of, they told me to ignore those attempts and resetting my password. They said they had more reports of that but that there really isn’t anything a person can do to reset YOUR password and to ignore it.

I’ve got a couple of works that need updating and that’s what you’ve been seeing with Our So Called Life and The Ghost and Mr. Spock. Expect more updates on other stories as April continues.

Spring Break only has about 4 chapters left so I expect no issues with finishing that in April either.

I promised J a Pinto de Mayo story in May so I will have to get to work on that sometime this month also, though it won’t be uploaded until May.

And I think that’s it. I didn’t do T’hy’la Bang this year and I am so so glad as there simply wasn’t time.(never mind someone wrote a Spirk story with Spock as a black cat… Nine Lives by ME…is out there still but okay whatever). Feel free to ignore that very slight bitter rant. I know, I know.

That’s a full month for me and I hope you are looking forward to it as much as me.

Randomly Speaking

Yes, that garden stake you saw in Friday’s flash is something I ordered. From Hobby Lobby (don’t judge me lol)

I have officially started my week’s vacation as of now.

Sister has a friend who has some money and tomorrow we are going to three wineries she is a member of and doing some tasting as well as a picnic outdoors. For dinner she is a member of a yacht club so we are dining there at their restaurant. It’s good to have friends richer than you.

This week I go with my sister to that casino and hotel in San Diego. I think we will have great fun.

I myself also joined a wine club. You get shipments three times a year. It’s one of my favorite wineries up north. That’s just a random side note.

It’s funny how the strangest things and memories and thoughts can set you off to weeping over your lost loved one.

Ma used to keep stashes of money. She played bingo weekly, loved Vegas, and until she had dementia went with my sister to the Native American casinos. She was pretty lucky too. So she kept stashes of money. If you went with her, and you gave her a sad face that you were out of money, she would take out her stash and pluck some bills for you. She could be super generous obviously.

Anyway, my sister came across some of her stash yesterday, another $200 in her underwear drawer in her closet. She gave me $100 and kept the other for herself. This made me cry. This was my mother’s money, she should be the one spending it. My mother, that is. And yes, I 100% know she has passed away from this life, I hope to a better one. At the very least she is out of pain. But this was her money and it makes me sad to get it. It just does. And I’m having a lot of weird guilt over it.

So yes, I am still struggling with grief.

Thanks for listening.

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