And so begins another month of flashes. I have no particular theme for this month, whatever strikes my fancy and fills my imagination. Here’s the first one.
Jim finds him on the observation deck. Truthfully, he had been unwilling to wander the ship looking, so he had asked the computer for Spock’s location.
But now that he is faced with Spock, back to him, Jim isn’t sure whether he should be here or not. Still, he is pretty sure that Spock knows he is here.
“Hey,” he says. Because he’s so uncertain how to begin. He finds he is hugging himself, which he knows is defensive body language, yet he can’t help it. He is defensive.
Spock turns to look at him, and though Jim can see there is a troubled look in his chocolate eyes, that trouble does not seem to lie at his footsteps, so to speak.
Jim asks, anyway, “Did I do something wrong?”
Because they’d just spent hours sexually exploring each other. And from Jim’s point of view, it had been incredible, better than anything he’d ever experienced, and he’d thought it was pretty incredible from Spock’s point of view also, but he’d just woke up alone, and somehow that had felt…big.
“No, Jim. I apologize for making you have any doubts whatsoever about us. Tonight was…more than I could ever hope for.” Spock unexpectedly holds his out his hand towards Jim, who takes it and is drawn to Spock’s side. “I was thinking of my mother.”
Spock nods. “I…often do…still. I suppose that is a weakness.”
“No way, Spock. What would make you ever think that?”
He shakes his head. “A Vulcan—”
“Never mind all that, Spock. She was your mom. What are you thinking about?”
“She would have been very happy to know you and to know that I have found my…T’hy’la.”
“T’hy’la?” Jim whispers.
“No Vulcan in a hundred years has been so fortunate. And yet, I have found mine. Brother, friend, lover. The closest standard term would be soulmate and yet for a Vulcan, it is so much more.”
Jim smiles, hesitantly, because it is hard to believe he could be this. “And I am that to you?”
Spock takes both of Jim’s hands in his. “Yes and more. Even those simple three standard words I love you do not seem to convey the depth of my great affection for you, my Jim.”
Jim’s eyes well up with tears. “I feel the same. And I’m sorry your mom isn’t here. I know you miss her, and I wish I could have met her.”
“You two would have been conspiring against me and my father, I have no doubt.
Spock shakes his head. “I often think about her. What she would think or say about whatever is going on in my life. She never judged me about anything and always said she would be proud of me, and yet, there are times I wonder if that would be true.”
“I’m sure of it, babe. There is no one better than you that I know and there’s no way your mom wouldn’t think the same.”
“She was always on my side no matter what. No one else has ever been that way for me.” Spock gazed into Jim’s eyes. “Until you.”
“And I always will be on your side, no matter what.” Jim kisses him. “Come back to bed with me?”
“Yes, T’hy’la. I will.”