Clearly that was not going to happen now. And as he reached the door of his next class, he just kept walking. And walking. Off the campus and all the way to the docks.
All the bad thoughts entered his head before he could stop them. If he would have even tried to stop them.
Are you crazy? I’m not sticking around here. Not with him.
Take me with you.
Get real, Jimmy. You’re a burden.
What you want doesn’t matter. You are no one.
Think you’re so smart? Well, you’re stupid. So stupid even your mother has had enough. You’re going away for a long time, Jim. You’re leaving Earth.
I was hoping you died with the rest of those losers on the planet. Damn it, we can never catch a break.
Loser. Why are you such a loser?
You are no one.
Jim scrubbed his hand over his face.
I do not believe this is working.
His communicator beeped. Jim blew out a breath and pulled it out.
“Jim, where the hell are you? I’m here at the dorm. Thought we were moving you out today to Spock’s. Sulu and his boyfriend are here too.”
He clenched his eyes closed. “Yeah. That’s off.”
A long pause. “What?”
Jim walked to the edge of the plank that led to a group of sailboats. “I’m not moving in with Spock, Bones.”
“What? Why? I don’t get it.”
He crouched down and stuck his hand in the cold water. “I do.”
“But I thought—”
“Spock…Spock broke up with me.”
Another long pause and then Bones was swearing. “When? Today? I didn’t think you’d seen him. Jim—”
“I don’t know, in the middle of the night.”
“Middle of the night? You spent the night at the dorm. When did Spock come over?”
“He didn’t. He-he sent me a message.”
“Jim, that doesn’t sound like Spock.”
“Look, he said we weren’t working, Bones. How much clearer is that?”
“Jim. Where are you?”
He shook his head even though Bones couldn’t see.
“Where are you? I’ll come and get you.”
“I don’t need that. I’m fine, Bones.”
Jim closed his communicator and turned it off, returning it to his pocket.
He needed a drink. Several.
He wanted to be shit-faced, is what he wanted. And then maybe he could pretend his heart hadn’t been broken into smithereens.
Jim turned away from the docks and went up the street, looking for the nearest bar.
Maybe there’d be someone to fuck too.