Since I posted my flash fic early, I am posting one of my own personal favorites of my own stories. Originally this was quite a bit shorter but I decided to expand it one day.

You can find this story on AO3 under Unfamiliar Ache




The farmhouse looked rather desolate. It had an almost abandoned look to it. Leonard had to remind himself that only a few weeks ago, no one had lived there, so he supposed the look of the place made some sort of sense. Still…he didn’t like it. Didn’t have to like it.

There wasn’t really a lot to like about the situation at large. But he was here for a reason. To pick up the pieces. Put things to right. Help in some way.

Hell, he didn’t know.

It was cold too. And windy. A blustery sort of wind that went right through the thin coat he’d worn. He stepped up to the front door and knocked. It was an old rickety door that made Leonard wonder if he knocked too hard would it fall off the hinges. But knock he did. Three times before it opened.

“Hey.” The smile was there. A ghost of the smile Jim Kirk once had, but a smile nonetheless. It made him ache for one of the real ones though. Leonard was quick to take in the obvious signs of fatigue and distress. Dark smudges under Jim’s eyes, his blue eyes not quite as clear, and quite a bit of shadowed growth over his jaw. Hints of gray here and there in the fur covering his chin. He wore ratty old jeans with holes in them and a faded blue T-shirt.

“You look like hell,” Leonard announced.

“Nice to see you too, Bones.” Jim hugged him and if it was just a little tighter than their usual hugs, Leonard didn’t comment on it and just hugged him back.

“It’s cold.”

Jim laughed. “Somebody’s grumpy. Come in. I have a fire going in the fireplace.”

It was weird seeing Jim here. Someplace that did not involve Starfleet.

He knew Jim had grown up here, mostly anyway, but still it didn’t seem right. It hadn’t been happy times for Jim. Leonard remembered a few drunken conversations between them in the academy and then later on the ship. He’d shared unspeakable abuse with Leonard that had made him want to dig up the body of Jim’s stepfather and kill him all over again. If there had been weeping, from him, from Jim, they blamed it on the booze.

Anyway, it wasn’t where Jim belonged. They both knew it too.

“You want some coffee or something?”

“You got something stronger?”

“A little red wine.”

Leonard snorted. “I guess that’ll do.” He followed Jim into the kitchen. “The place is…nice.”

Jim laughed again. It was nice to hear, even if Leonard thought it was mostly for his benefit. “It is not nice. It needs a ton of work. Floorboards are weak in spots. Roof’s got a hole. You saw the door. Most of the windows need to be replaced. And the barn’s in worse shape, probably. But, you know, I guess I have that time now.”

He tried not to wince at the reminder of why he was here visiting Jim in the middle of Nowhere, Iowa. Yeah, yeah, Riverside. He should let it go, but he didn’t think he could. Or would. Ever.

Leonard braced himself. He knew this argument wouldn’t be easy. Jim was obstinate beyond reason when he wanted to be.

“Jim, I’m sure if you just talked to the brass they’d—”

“Bones.” Jim shook his head. “It’s over, okay? This is-is where I belong now.”

“Out here? By yourself?” The idea of Jim wallowing away in this dump made Leonard’s skin crawl and his stomach ache like it was full of crawling bugs.

Jim shrugged. “Why not? I’m the last of a dying breed.” He took two wine glasses out of a cabinet and filled them both up with red wine.

“But another ship—”

“There is no other ship. I love the Enterprise. She was mine, you know? In ways no other ship ever will be.”

Leonard sighed, took the glass from Jim. “Then why give it up? Why resign to come here? It’s not what anyone wanted. Least of all you.”

“It’s better this way.”

“Better for who?”

It wasn’t better for Leonard. Or Jim. And the rest could go royally fuck themselves.

Jim’s gaze rose and met his. There was pain there. The kind that ripped your soul if you let it. “Bones, I love you, you’re my brother, but let it go, okay?”

He didn’t want to. Wasn’t sure he could. But he’d drop it for now.

“How long are you staying?” Jim asked into the silence.

“I thought over the weekend if it’s all right with you.”

“It’s very all right with me.” Jim smiled and squeezed Leonard’s shoulder. He paused, sipped his wine. “I think I’m gonna get horses.”


“Yeah, I’m not really into farming. Never have been. But I think I could get to like a barn full of horses. I sometimes rode as a kid.”

“I didn’t know that,” Leonard said, attempting to be supportive. “That sounds great, Jim.” It sounded like nonsense is what it sounded like.

“It will be. Let’s get you settled and then I’ll fix us something to eat.”

He followed Jim up the staircase which creaked as they walked up.

“Sorry,” Jim called sheepishly over his shoulder. “I think they’re stable. Mostly.”

“Swell,” Leonard muttered.

At the top of the stairs, Jim turned right and then stopped at the second room, passing the first one without a glance. He pushed open the second door. “Here you go. I fixed up Sam’s old room for you. Basically that means I dusted the place and put new sheets on the bed.”

Leonard nodded and put his bag on the bed. There were old posters of cars and pretty girls on the walls. “How long’s it been since anyone slept here?”

Jim leaned against the door-frame. “Hell if I know. Sam left when…thirteen, I was thirteen. He never came back. Far as I know, no one’s used it since.” He looked past Leonard toward the window and Leonard wondered what Jim was seeing in his memories. “And now Sam won’t ever come back.”

It made Leonard a little sad and a little lonely thinking of this room abandoned for so long. He was a bit of a sentimental fool, he guessed.

“Who had that first room?”

“Frank and my mom. When she was here. When she wasn’t? Any number of women he passed through here.”

“Right here in your house,” Leonard said with a shake of his head.

“Yeah, he was a real prize,” Jim replied.

“And your room?”

“Down the end of the hall. You can see it if you want.”

Leonard followed Jim out of the room and over to the last one. Unlike the room that had been Sam’s there were no posters or pictures on the walls or anywhere else. But the ceiling was painted dark blue and above were stars, planets and constellations.

“Wow,” Leonard breathed.

“Looks better at night. Mom let me do it. Frank never would have.”

Leonard swallowed hard and put his hand on Jim’s arm. “Jim, I’m sorry about your mom. You should have said something. Before. Maybe we could have—”

“Yeah. It’s okay, Bones. I’m all right.” He smiled. “How’s steak sound?”

Leonard wanted to argue, but Jim was walking past him and back out of the bedroom and down the hall so Leonard had no choice but to follow.


The emptiness wouldn’t go away. No matter how many glasses of wine. No matter how many horses he talked about. No matter how many smiles he forced. It was there like a leaden ball in his stomach. Bones knew it, he knew it. He could do a pretty good acting job though. He had to give himself that much.

Jim poured himself a third glass of wine as he finished up the last bite of steak he had grilled. One good thing about being planetside was the food was much better. No replicated steak. “Do you think it’s over?” he asked, then wanted to kick himself for it. He didn’t intend to mention it.

He had to give Bones credit, he didn’t bother to pretend he didn’t know exactly what Jim meant.

“I suppose so,” Bones said. “It was supposed to be in the afternoon.”

Jim nodded. He was sort of numb now. Or he tried to convince himself he was. “So Spock and Uhura are married.”

“Yeah,” Bones said softly. “Jim—”

“Forget it.” He took a gulp of wine, ignoring how it turned sour even before it reached his stomach.

“I don’t want to forget it. Why the hell didn’t you ever say anything? Tell the hobgoblin how you felt? You never did, not once.”

“Why should I have?” Jim sighed. “They’ve been together since I met him. She loves him. That much is obvious. Why should I have interfered with that? And I’m just…well, I’m just me. Not exactly a good candidate for anyone to have  a relationship with. And it’s not like Spock ever indicated he felt even close to the same. I was lucky to get him to acknowledge we were friends.”

“But to give up command of the Enterprise—”

“I’m not strong enough to serve with Mr. and Mrs. Spock or whatever, Bones. Jesus, I just—I just can’t. And what am I supposed to do? Have them transferred because I’m a lovesick idiot?”

“Yes, goddamn it,” Bones said angrily. Perhaps angrier than Jim had ever seen him. “You don’t give up everything because the guy you love doesn’t love you back. Jesus, Jim. I can’t believe you really did this. Go back to Admiral Archer and tell him you changed your fucking mind and you want back in Starfleet. I don’t care if you have to transfer those two or take command of another ship. This is not you, Jim.” He gestured to the house. “You’re not meant to be in this stale stagnant house that has nothing but shitty memories for you.”

“It’s me now,” Jim said softly. He winced at the disappointed look in his friend’s eyes.

Jim knew, really deep down, Bones was right. He had made a stupid, emotionally charged mistake. But he fucking hated admitting he was wrong. And about this? He couldn’t get past…them.

“I’ll even say you were emotionally compromised at the time and unable to make a rational decision,” Bones continued, his voice taking on a note of desperation. “Hell, anything to get you back where you belong, Jim. In space.”

“I know you’re right,” he said wearily. He rubbed his eyes, feeling defeated. “I swear to God this place is sucking the soul out of me. If I have one.”

“Then come back to Starfleet. Come back with me when the weekend is over, Jim.”

“I need time to think,” Jim said. He finished off his wine and put his glass in the sink. “I’m gonna get some firewood. Make coffee, would you?”

Bones looked like he had more to say, but he nodded. “Okay, Jim.”

Jim went outside, didn’t even bother with a jacket, and went back toward the wood pile near the barn.

He really was the last of a dying breed. Sam had died on Deneva. His mom had been killed during a planetary mission that was supposed to be routine. Jim had kept the news to himself, not wanting to burden his crew or his friends with any more of his problems. And of course his dad was gone. Hell, even his brother’s son, Peter, who had survived Deneva even though his parents hadn’t, was nowhere around Jim. Aurelan’s parents were raising the boy. Weren’t even using the Kirk last name, Jim had heard. Who the hell could blame them?

He really, really hated being the mess he was. Sometimes—he shook his head. He wouldn’t give into the melancholia. He crouched down by the woodpile.

A scrape of a boot behind him, had him turning, expecting to see Bones out here, ready to give him a lecture about not wearing a proper coat or something, so when he turned to find Spock standing only a few feet away, dressed in his science blues no less, Jim was pretty sure his mouth hung open.


Jim stood, completely and thoroughly gobsmacked. “I’m not your captain anymore, Spock. I’m no one’s captain.”

“You will always be my captain.”

Jim swallowed the lump in his throat. It burned. “What are you doing here? Don’t tell me Iowa is on your honeymoon itinerary.”

“It is not.”

He exhaled. “Then what are you doing here?” he asked again. “Where’s your…wife?”

“Nyota and I did not complete the marriage ceremony.”

“Oh.” Jim nodded, certain his confusion showed. “So, what then? You bonded on New Vulcan or something?”


“Look, Spock, I don’t know why you’re here, but I’m not a part of Starfleet anymore, so if there’s some emergency like the Earth needs saving again, you’re going to have to find someone else.”

Not entirely true. Jim would save it if he had to, because well, that’s what he did.

Spock took several steps closer until he was mere inches from Jim. Frowning, Jim backed up a step. “Jim, Nyota and I ended our relationship.”

Jim blinked. “You…wait what? You were getting married or bonded or whatever.”

Spock nodded. “We both believed that we would, however, three point four weeks ago, when you resigned from Starfleet, our circumstances changed.”

“Okay. Um. Okay. What-what does any of this have to do with me? Or my resigning?”

“It was then that I realized I could not bond with Nyota.”

Jim frowned. “Why?”

Spock took a step closer once more. “I became aware of my regard for you. It was unintentional and unexpected.”

His heart hammered hard in his chest. “Okay, what?” He had no hope. Refused to even entertain it.

“Jim, I am aware that we are merely friends, but when you left the Enterprise, the loss of you was unbearable. It caused an unfamiliar ache that would not go away. I spent days meditating on it until I could no longer deny the ache was because I had—I had come to…” Spock stopped, looked down at the ground by his feet. “I am seldom at a loss for words and yet now, I find that I am struggling.”

Jim said nothing, waiting. For he had no idea, really, why Spock was here.  Couldn’t fathom it.

Spock’s gaze rose and Jim had never seen him looking more uncertain, more vulnerable than at that time.

“I have fallen in love with you and you were gone.” The words were soft, pained.

“Spock.” But that was all he could say. He tried to get his mouth to form more words, but they were stuck in his throat.

“Under those circumstances a bond with Nyota would be impossible and unfair to her.” Spock looked down at the ground again briefly. “It is Nyota who convinced me to come here today. I had not intended to burden you with my regard, but Nyota advised that if it were so strong, there might be the possibility it was reciprocated.”

Jim just stared at Spock, still trying to get words to come out of his too dry mouth. He was not good at talking about feelings. Never would be, really. Hadn’t he proved that enough?

“I see I have surprised you,” Spock said eventually when Jim didn’t respond. His expression turned passive once more, shielding the uncertainty that had been briefly there, but there was a hint of sadness in his dark eyes, if Jim hadn’t memorized every look, he would have missed it. “It would appear that my romantic feelings for you are unwelcome after all. I apologize.”

Spock turned away and was starting to leave Jim just standing there like an idiot. His chest ached and he was aware he was feeling vaguely lightheaded.

“No!” he finally got out. Spock stopped, stiffly, but he did not turn back around. “I am surprised. Fuck, am I surprised. But your romantic feelings are not unwelcome, Spock.” Jim exhaled, feeling his lungs working overtime.


Jim had never taken such a chance before. This was important. “That-that unfamiliar ache you spoke of? I feel it too. I have-I’ve been feeling it for a long time. Longer than I can really say. I wasn’t ever going to tell you. But, Spock, I share them.”

Spock did turn around then, staring at Jim intently. “Do you?”

Jim knew it was his turn to take those important steps to Spock, so he did until he was only a foot away. He held out his two fingers, having seen it enough times from Vulcans to know. “Yeah, I do. More than I have words to tell you.”

Spock’s eyes widened ever so slightly and he met Jim’s fingers with his own and warmth shot from Spock to him and Jim could no longer feel the cold from the Iowa breeze. Jim took another step until their mouths were almost touching.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked in a near whisper.

“You are kissing me.”

Jim smiled. “Yeah, I am.” And he covered Spock’s mouth with his own, tracing the outline with his tongue, then slipping it inside Spock’s mouth. When they came up for air, Spock leaned his forehead against Jim’s. “Do you have to go back?”

“Not without you. Will you return with me?”

He would. They both knew he would. It was Kirk and Spock side by side. As it was meant to be. “Can you stay the weekend? Bones is here.”

Spock nodded. “I saw him. He sent me out here to find you.  He used very colorful language.”

Jim laughed. It felt good to laugh. “Did he?”

“It did not quite make sense. But I am used to that from the doctor.”

Jim kissed Spock again. “Damn, I love Bones.” Spock’s eyebrow shot up. “But yeah, I love you more. Way more.” He laughed and kissed Spock once more. He was feeling positively giddy. “Come inside with me?”

He wrapped his fingers around Spock’s wrist and tugged him toward the farmhouse. They had reached the door when Jim stopped and turned to Spock. “Does this—do you…?” Ah hell. Jim licked his lips.

“What, Jim?”

“Have you ever been with a guy?” Jim blurted out in a rush.

“Ah.” Spock shook his head. “I have not.”

Jim tried not to bug his eyes out at that. “Do you-did you want to with me?”

“I am fully aware that our time together will include coitus.”

“Yeah.” Jim squeaked. Turned red. “Maybe. I mean. If you want it to. Or whatever.”



“It is cold out here.”

“Oh. Right.” Jim sighed. “Sorry. It’s…I’m a little nervous.”

“There is no need.”

“No?” Jim licked his lips.

“I want it.”


The day that had started out gloomy and without much hope–other than the visit from Bones, which Jim had looked forward to–now looked to be one of the best days of Jim’s life. That was his thought as he walked inside the old farmhouse with Spock, his former first officer and soon to be lover, Jim hoped anyway. And perhaps his first officer once more. If it worked out that way.

The farmhouse was warm despite the hole in the roof that was, fortunately, over Frank’s old room. Perhaps because of the fire and the heat being on, but Jim thought perhaps it was the company. His two best friends. But so much more than that.

Bones was his brother more than Sam had ever been, and though he mourned the loss of Sam, more for what could have been rather than what was, he’d never had the close brotherhood he had with Bones. Bones had his back always. And Jim had his. That wouldn’t change in a million years. And for that, Jim had obviously done something good in this life to deserve Bones.

Spock, well, Spock was everything. Brother, friend, lover. Jim knew the word though it hadn’t been spoken between them. T’hy’la. Jim spoke the language, even most of the ancient words. This was Spock for him, and somehow, he knew Spock felt that way about him. Miraculous that it seemed.

“You got that coffee made?” Jim asked, as he walked into the kitchen to where Bones stood.

“Yeah, just finished brewing.” Bones searched Jim’s gaze and nodded with a slight smile, seeming to be satisfied with whatever he saw.

“It is agreeable to see you again, doctor,” Spock spoke up from where he stood on the edge of the kitchen.

“Yeah, sure, you too,” Bones said with false grumpiness. “I made you some tea. It’s there.” Bones flicked his hand in the direction of a cobalt blue mug sitting on the dining room table. “I figured you’d be cold after coming all this way and having to go outside after Jim.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

“You know, Spock, after all this time you can call me Leonard on occasion. I’m not even on duty.”

“You are always a doctor,” Spock pointed out.

Bones blew out a breath and rolled his eyes.

“Thank you, Leonard,” Spock said as he lifted the tea to his lips.

Jim laughed and put his hand on Spock’s shoulder, which earned him a raised eyebrow but Spock didn’t move away either. “Isn’t this cozy?”

“Yeah, cozy,” Bones said with a snort. “You hungry, hob—Spock?”

Jim turned to Spock. “Bones is right. I didn’t even think about that. We had steak but I know I can fix you something. We’ve got vegetables and I can even make you waffles or whatever if you want.”

“I do not wish for you to go to any trouble.”

“It’s not trouble for you,” Jim told him with a smile. “What do you want?”

Spock still hesitated, so Jim moved closer until he was all up in Spock’s space. He’d done that very thing about a dozen times. But now, considering the conversation they’d just had outside, it somehow had more meaning. He put his hands on Spock’s biceps.

“What? What do you want?”

Those dark eyes widened fractionally and he stared at Jim with undisguised longing. Jim wondered if it had always been there and he’d somehow missed it or if Spock was finally showing it. He forgot about food as he leaned in closer.

Bones cleared his throat loudly. “I’m here–still here.”

Jim glanced at Bones. “I know that.”

“I hope so. Because I really do not want a show.”

Jim went back to gazing at Spock, who was slightly flushed green. “What do you want to eat, sweetheart?” He ignored Bones’ choking sound. “Waffles?”

“Yes, that would be acceptable.”

Jim released Spock, who sat down rather heavily in the chair at the dining room table.

Bones walked up to Jim as he reached under the cabinet for the waffle maker. “You know I can hightail it out of here if I’m the third wheel,” he said in a low voice.

“I’m not sending you off in the middle of the night, Bones. And you were staying for the weekend.”

“That was before I knew ‘Ol Love-struck’ over there was coming. He looks like he wants to eat you, Jim. I’ve never seen anything like it from Spock before.”


“Seriously, Jim. He wants to pounce.”

Jim licked his lips and looked over his shoulder at Spock who sat very still and clenched his hands tightly together.

“Look, how about I just go up to my room for the night and leave you two to whatever you’re going to do.” Bones held up his hands. “And I don’t want to know what it is either.”

“I don’t want you to hide in your room,” Jim protested.

“Trust me on this, Jim. You two need this time together. I’m kind of tired anyway.” Bones smiled a little. “And I’m happy for you. Both of you.”

“Thanks, Bones.”

He turned to watch his friend go up the stairs to the second floor of the farmhouse.

Jim put down the pan he had taken out of the cabinet and went to Spock, kneeling in front of him. He took the Vulcans hands in his.

“Hey, you okay?”

Spock stared down at Jim. “I find myself compromised.”

“By what?”

“You,” Spock admitted. “I desire you.”

“Well, that’s okay,” Jim said with a smile. “I desire you too.”


“You’re not in pon farr are you?”

“You know of pon farr?”

Jim nodded. “Some, yeah.”

Spock blinked. “You will have to tell me how you know of it someday, but no, I do not believe that is what I am experiencing.”

“Then what?”

“Now that we are both aware of our feelings I find myself experiencing something quite unfamiliar.”

Jim’s lips curved. “An unfamiliar ache?”

“Of a sort, yes. Different from that of heartache,” Spock said softly. “I wish to claim you.”

“Claim?” Jim repeated in surprise.

Spock’s cheeks flushed again. “It is just as it sounds. I wish to make you mine, mark you. It is very primitive and ought to fill me with shame.”

“But it doesn’t?”

“No,” Spock admitted. “Perhaps later but now the urge is too great.” He looked around. “Where is Dr. McCoy?”

“He, uh, thought he’d better give us some privacy.”

“I apologize.”

“For what?”

“Embarrassing you.”

Jim smiled and leaned up to kiss Spock on the lips. “You haven’t. Bones is cool.” He squeezed Spock’s hands which he still held. “But let me make you those waffles.”

He went to pull away and Spock turned their hands around until he was holding Jim’s and in a much tighter grip.

Jim’s gaze flew to Spock’s.

“I apologize. It seems I do not wish to let you go.”

“And you aren’t in pon farr?”

“I am not. Without a proper mate I should not experience pon farr,” Spock told him. “The one I was bonded with was killed when New Vulcan was destroyed.”

“Okay.” Jim licked his lips, which Spock’s gaze zeroed in on. “Why don’t you just come with me to the stove then?”

Spock rose from the chair and Jim couldn’t help but notice the rather prominent bulge in Spock’s pants. Jim made to move across the kitchen toward the stove but it was more like Spock hauled him over there.

“You’re, um, kind of manhandling me, you know?”

“Yes,” Spock said, but he made no move to step away and instead wrapped an arm around Jim’s waist.

“How am I supposed to cook like this?”

“Perhaps the waffles should wait,” Spock murmured into Jim’s ear, his hot breath making Jim shiver.

“You’re not going hungry because you can’t wait to—” He shivered again when Spock’s tongue traced the outline of his ear.

“Wait to?” Spock prompted.

Fuck me,” Jim moaned as he felt the press of Spock’s erection against his ass.

“Was that not the idea?” Spock turned him in his arms and covered his lips with his.


Jim felt himself be lifted and put down on the kitchen counter, his butt on the edge. He licked his lips. Man, that was hot. He hadn’t expected to like being ‘handled’ like this, but judging by the way his dick was hardening, he more than just liked it.

“Did you just pick me up like I weighed nothing?”

Up went that eyebrow. “I think you know the answer to that.”

He cleared his throat even as Spock inched closer, placing himself between Jim’s spread legs. “Spock, the caveman thing is, uh, interesting, but—”

Spock’s hands went under Jim’s shirt, smoothing over Jim’s bare skin sending a shiver up his spine and forcing a gasp from his lips.

“You find that pleasurable?” Spock asked, his voice low and clinical. Which shouldn’t be a turn on, but fuck, it was.

“A little.”

The hands slid up to his chest, Spock’s thumbs flicking at his nipples.

“Okay, a lot. A lot.”

In response to this, Spock’s hands slipped out from under his shirt, but before he could form the words to protest, long, elegant fingers were tugging at the hem of the shirt.

Jim swallowed heavily. “You want this off?”

Spock nodded, his eyes so dark they were fathomless. He was pretty sure he was getting lost in them.

He bit his lip and yanked the shirt over his head, leaving it dangling from his fingertips. It was torn out of his grasp so fast his fingers nearly burned. Spock tossed it somewhere, Jim didn’t even bother to look, but he couldn’t look away from Spock’s eyes, his lips, his nose, his damn ears.

“We’re not.” Jim stopped, his voice squeaking like he was going through puberty again. “We’re not going to do it right here, are we?”

Spock’s head tilted close and his lips grazed a path from Jim’s jaw to his lips. “Why would we not?”

Jim’s fucking toes curled and his cock definitely jumped in his pants. What the hell had he gotten himself into anyway?

“Kitchen?” Jim tried to make his voice and tone sound reasonable but he was pretty sure it sounded more like a plea than anything reasonable.

“I see no reason to restrain ourselves here.”

“Bones?” His pulse did not just race at the word restrain.

“You said yourself Leonard is up in his room to give us privacy.” Spock’s lips trailed up to Jim’s ear. “Perhaps you will have to refrain from screaming too loudly.”

“Screaming?” Jim asked in a strangled voice.

“Indeed. Or moaning. Or gasping. My name, perhaps?”

“Keep talking like that and you’ll have me coming in my pants,” Jim warned.

“You find pleasure in this then also?” Spock’s tongue darted out to trace the outline of Jim’s ear. “Such round ears. Quite appealing.”

Jim had never thought of his ears as particularly sexy but if they floated Spock’s boat, great.

Spock stepped back suddenly and Jim was about to reach for him when Spock pulled Jim’s sneakers off his feet and dropped them to the floor of the kitchen.

He licked his lips. In anticipation or nervousness at that point, he couldn’t tell. “You sure you haven’t done this before?”

“I have never been with a male,” Spock replied. “But I am a scientist and well-versed in research.”

Off came Jim’s socks. Spock’s hands were at his ankles now, grasping and squeezing them and even that seemed erotic. Jim was pretty sure his brain had been fried by lust.

“You know of Vulcan members?” Spock asked softly, his gaze boring into Jim’s.

He blinked several times before he could process the question. His whole body was thrumming with anticipation and he was very aware Spock hadn’t removed any of his own clothes.

“Uh, yeah. Double-ridged. Self-self-lubricating.” He could feel his cheeks heat and he was mortified to realize he was blushing.

“Apparently I am not the only one who knows how to do research,” Spock said, not bothering to hide the humor from his tone.

Jim couldn’t help but grin in response. “Well, not direct research.”

“I am relieved to hear that,” Spock murmured. His moved close again, this time his fingers reaching for the zipper on Jim’s jeans. Jim sucked in a breath when Spock’s palm brushed the bulge in his crotch. “It would appear you need relief from the confines of your trousers.”

Laughter bubbled up inside Jim but he repressed it. Only Spock could make the act of taking his jeans off sound so scientific. But the laughter fled when his zipper was lowered with aching slowness.

“We’re-we’re really going to do this here?”

Spock’s fingers slipped into the waistband of Jim’s jeans. “Here. Yes. And there.” His gaze flicked to the ceiling, indicating the second floor. At Spock’s urging Jim lifted his ass up a little so Spock could slide his jeans off and down his legs. “And San Francisco. And the ship. And wherever else I deem appropriate.”

Jim licked his lips, stared at Spock’s arms as they peeled his jeans from him. “You? You think you’re in charge?”

“Of you?” Spock spoke softly. Jim’s gaze rose to Spock’s. “Yes.”

The jeans were flung away, leaving Jim sitting on the kitchen counter in only a pair of black briefs. He could barely breathe because Spock’s eyes were so intense, so filled with naked desire, Jim might just implode.

It took several steady breaths for him to try to speak. “What about you? You’re still fully dressed.”

Spock glanced down at himself as though it had just occurred to him. But instead of removing his uniform shirt, Spock simply reached down and undid his pants, lowering them, and of course his own regulation briefs to expose his very large and very erect cock.

“Oh. My. God.” Jim knew his eyes were bugging out but Jesus, Spock’s dick was a sight to behold. Big, thick, and glistening with that self-lubricant he’d heard so much about. And jutted toward him. Beautiful yes, but vaguely monstrous. “I don’t think you’re going to fit.”

That earned him an arched brow that Jim decided always looked vaguely superior.

Spock was in his space again, between his legs, and leaning forward to kiss the corner of Jim’s mouth. “It will fit…Captain.”

An involuntary shiver went up his spine. “Spock.”

“Yes, Jim?”

“How much longer?”

Spock’s hands moved up to cradle Jim’s head as he fastened his lips to Jim’s. If he lived to be one hundred, Jim did not imagine he would ever grow tired of the taste of Spock’s lips. They were warm, soft, and rather spicy and he wanted to devour them. He loosened his grip on the countertop and threaded his fingers through the soft Vulcan hair on Spock’s head.

One hand slipped from holding Jim’s head, inching down his body until he felt long fingers slip inside his briefs and curl around the shaft of his cock.

“Unh,” Jim gasped into Spock’s mouth, arching up from the countertop. He moved his own hands to Spock’s shoulders, desperately clinging there while Spock stroked him with amazing finesse.

“Fascinating,” Spock murmured, his tongue thrusting into Jim’s mouth.

Jim swore his eyes rolled back in his head as those nimble fingers brought him to the edge of ecstasy so powerful he wasn’t sure he could survive it. His whole body bowed upward as he desperately sought the touch of those magical digits.

Spock ceased his strokes and removed his hands from Jim’s briefs, tearing what sounded dangerously close to a sob to Jim.

“Do not fear, Jim. I will allow you to come when it is time.”

“Al-allow me?”

“Affirmative. Until I give you permission, you will not do so.”

Jim gaped at him even as he felt Spock tug at his briefs and Jim automatically lifted up so they could be removed from him. Now he was completely naked and exposed to Spock on the kitchen counter.

But instead of returning to kissing Jim or whatever else should come next, like, maybe putting that cock inside him, Spock dipped down until Jim couldn’t see him.


And then he felt the stab of Spock’s tongue at the tight rim of muscle between his cheeks and he yelped.

Spock stopped and leaned up to look at Jim. “Did I hurt you?”

“No. No. But. What. The. Hell. How much research did you do?”

Spock nodded. “Enough. May I continue applying my tongue to your—”

“Yes!” Jim turned his face to the side, rather embarrassed. And he certainly hoped Bones didn’t decide he wanted a drink of water or anything.

Once more Spock’s tongue entered him, pushing farther and farther inside. He gripped the counter so hard he was surprised he didn’t break the tile. God, it was heavenly.

He was tempted to use one hand to jerk his cock, which lay against his thigh, the tip glistening with pre-cum, but he wasn’t sure how stable his position was and the last thing he needed was to come crashing down to break Spock not to mention his own tailbone.

When he could take no more, he started pleading.

“Spock, Spock, please, please, I want, please.”

Spock rose once more placing himself between Jim’s thighs, which he lifted with a hand on the back of each one.

“Please what, Jim?”

“Claim me, take me, fuck me. Whatever it is you want, I’m yours.”

Jim felt himself be pulled to the end of the counter until his ass was nearly off of it, just at the edge. Spock’s finger pressed at his hole, smoothing the saliva he’d just recently laved around with the tip. He watched as Spock sucked the finger into his mouth, thoroughly soaking it and then pushing it against the rim once more.

He exhaled slowly as the finger pushed into him. Jim closed his eyes as it moved deeper within him, his muscles clenching around it.

“You are very tight,” Spock announced in that detached clinical voice Jim found ridiculously hot.

“Yeah, well.”

“It has been a while since you were breached.”

Jim stifled an inappropriate laugh. “It has, yes. Not since—”

He felt a slap on his buttocks.

“I did not say I wanted the details.”

Jim thought perhaps he should protest the smack on his ass but really why should he? It had gone right to his balls, sending a thrill throughout his entire body. He was fucking quivering for God’s sake.

He gasped, then groaned when a second saliva slicked finger pushed into him. If someone had told him this would be the end of his day when he woke up that morning he would have shot them with a phaser for lying.

Damn if he didn’t just hear Spock swallow.

“I wish to claim you,” Spock said softly.



Spock withdrew his fingers and Jim felt the burn as they came out. Spock pulled him even more to the edge and as Jim struggled up a little to be able to watch Spock enter him, he saw the enormous slightly green cock poised right at his asshole. He had a moment of fear, wondering if it would split him apart.

“Fuck,” Jim moaned as the tip breached him. His feet curled into the cabinet for purchase. More of Spock’s dick pushed in, spreading him, burning his insides.

“You will need to relax,” Spock said through gritted teeth.

“I am, Pointy. You’re just huge.”

Another inch. Jim hissed.


“Keep, keep going, Spock, please,” Jim begged. “Please.”

Spock let out a moan of his own and he pushed forward, all the way into Jim, balls deep.

For a moment they just stared at each other, neither moving, frozen as though in time.

Then, with the barest of whispers of what sounded very much like, “mine”, Spock began to thrust in earnest.

It had been a while, and of course it had never been with Spock. It felt a little like he was being run through, but somehow not in a bad way. The pounding in his ass, the deep joining, it was almost more than he could handle.

Spock seized Jim’s legs and wrapped them around his waist, bringing their bodies closer together, his cock in deeper inside Jim.

His eyes half-closed, Jim pleaded, “Spock, can I-can I—”


Jim reached for his cock, no longer needing to grip the counter for Spock’s hold on him was firm, and began to stroke himself while the Vulcan pistoned into him again and again, his balls slapping as he did so.

“Yes, Oh, God,” Jim moaned, then bit his lip, thinking about all the noise he was surely making.

“Say my name,” Spock ordered.

“Spock!” So much for quiet.

“Who  do you belong to?”

Jim didn’t answer as pleasure  pooled in his stomach and spread out toward his cock and balls.

“Jim!” Spock slapped his ass hard.




“Say the words,” Spock demanded.

“I belong to you, Spock,” Jim gasped out as Spock pushed in deeper still.




“Forever,” Jim agreed. He would agree to anything right now. Whatever Spock wanted.

Spock groaned out Jim’s name and thrust faster and harder, slamming Jim against the counter, but Jim ignored the pain as Spock pulsed inside him and released his cum.

Before he could even catch his breath, Jim felt Spock withdraw, pick him up and throw him onto the dining room table, really like he weighed nothing, and then Spock angled Jim’s hips up and engulfed Jim’s cock in his mouth.

“Fuck,” Jim cried as he arched up and deeper into Spock’s mouth, too turned on to care that it was maybe too much for Spock. Then Spock was deep-throating him like a pro and Jim thanked God Spock was a science officer.

“Oh, God. Spock. Spock. Please. Please.”

Spock gave a sharp nod.

Jim keened as cum shot out of his cock and into Spock’s sucking mouth. Spock continued sucking him until there was nothing left and his legs felt like jelly.

He was lifted into Spock’s arm and carried up the stairs. And he was too drained to even protest as Spock went down the hall and to his room, seeming to know which one was Jim’s without even asking.

Spock laid him on the bed and for a moment he disappeared. Jim wondered vaguely where he went and then seconds later a warm damp cloth was being used on him to clean him.

Spock leaned down to kiss Jim’s lips in the middle of his running the cloth over his stomach. “Jim.”

His voice was soft and low, gravely.

Jim smiled. “Am I claimed?”

“Very much so.”

“That was…wow. You are an expert at research, Mr. Spock.”

Spock’s lips curved into a rare smile. “I love you.”

Jim’s heart felt like it might burst. Never had he expected this. Not in a million light years. “I love you, too. So much.”

And Spock leaned down to kiss him again.


“Waffles again?” Bones asked as he came down the stairs the next morning.

Jim stood at the stove making waffles while Spock stood next to him making coffee for him and Bones and tea for himself.

“Yes,” Spock replied, sharing a look with Jim. “I like waffles.”

Bones sniffed. “Do I smell bleach?”

Jim smiled. “Cleaned the kitchen.”

“You cleaned the kitchen?”

“We both did,” Spock murmured. “It needed it.”

“It really did,” Jim agreed.

Bones accepted the coffee from Spock. “You two have always been weird but you’re even weirder together.”

“Perhaps,” Spock agreed.

“What’s next?” Bones wondered.

“I contacted Starfleet,” Jim told him. “They’re taking me back.”


“I get the Enterprise.”


“Spock, too.”

Bones grinned. “Well, hallelujah.”

Jim smiled and looked at Spock. “Yeah, always by my side. Right, Spock?”

“Indeed, Captain.”

“First though we have to stop at New Vulcan.”

Bones frowned. “What for?”

“Our bonding ceremony.”