OMS

And the next part, Love of a Lifetime

I am hoping to end this in the very near future. By tomorrow, I hope. But here is the next part. I think there will be only one more part, probably a little longer than these last two have been.

This, too, when it is finished, will conclude the whole series at last, which began in 2013. You get to read the end here first, before I post it on A03, as my special friends. Thank you.

Though Suvoc wanted to take Jim to the healers immediately, Spock knew that Jim would need some food and rest before facing another ordeal. And Spock knew with the disease that ravaged Jim’s mind, any deviation, any change, anything really, could prove too much for his fragile mate.

So they first settled in where they would be staying, Sarek’s old house, for Sarek had been gone for years now, himself, and where Suvoc and Ronan now lived when they were on New Vulcan.

It occurred to Spock to wonder at what point it could be simply called Vulcan, as there was only the one Vulcan now, though it would never be the true Vulcan, his true homeland, of his youth, of his people, his ancestors.

When Spock presented Jim with a bowl of freshly made Plomeek soup, Jim stared down at it. “Do I like it?”

“Yes, Jim. Over the years you have expressed a fondness for it.”

Jim nodded and scooped up a spoonful.

Spock moved over to where Suvoc hovered. Ronan had left them alone to spend time together.

“How did you manage to get him back so quickly to himself?” Spock asked.

“When I touched him, I made contact with his skin, under his shirt, and connected our minds,” Suvoc replied.

Spock exhaled. “That is my method. But there is a time, when it will likely not be enough.”

“I believe such a time will not come, Sa-Mekh.”

“Hope is a dangerous and most illogical desire.”

“And yet, at times, it is all we have,” Suvoc replied. “As you, yourself, have experienced.”

“If this does not work—”

“It will.”

“If it does not.” Spock stopped, shook his head. “Jim and I made a lot of promises to each other in our youth, Suvoc. To not honor them, is to dishonor both of us.”

“Sa-Mekh.”

“In a way, I am pleased you are newly bonded and are building a life with Ronan. It will make things easier.”

Suvoc shook his head. “You speak darkness.”

“The darkness would be the rest of my days without him.”

“I know of your great affection for Father, but—”

“It goes well beyond mere affection. We are T’hy’la. I have no desire to live without him.”

“You will not have to,” Suvoc maintained stubbornly. “For this will work.”

Spock returned to Jim, who was looking more and more exhausted. He sat beside him, peering in to see that he had finished the Plomeek.

Jim smiled at him. “You were right, I liked it.”

“Jim.” He covered Jim’s hand with his. “For now, it is good for you to rest, but in the morning we are going to see the Vulcan healers Suvoc has arranged for you to meet with. Do you remember?”

“Yes,” Jim said. “I remember all of that.”

“Good.”

Jim looked wistful for a moment.

“What is it, T’hy’la?”

“Do you remember, long ago, when we first got together?”

Spock nodded. “I do. Do you?”

The smile returned. “After I was abducted by the Klingons. And you rescued me.” He paused to stare intently at Spock. “You always rescue me.”

“And I always will.”

“I was talking to you about…about being afraid. And you told me even starship captain’s feel fear.”

“Yes,” Spock said, softly. He wondered what Jim was getting at.

Jim turned his hand over so there palms were touching. “You said there was nothing to fear for either of us.”

His chest constricted and Spock nodded. “Yes.”

“It was true then, T’hy’la,” Jim said. “And it’s true now.”

Spock pulled Jim close. “Yes, Ashayam. Yes.”

March 14, 2019

Next Part of Love of a Lifetime

Perhaps have tissues

Jim fell asleep on the shuttle to New Vulcan almost immediately after they boarded. This concerned Spock, because Jim often woke up a little confused, and in an unfamiliar setting, it would be particularly upsetting for both of them.

It wasn’t that Spock didn’t want Jim to have all the care in the universe. If he could be helped, Spock would be first in line for it. Once, Spock had been accused of neglecting to pursue alternative care for Jim because he wanted to keep Jim completely reliant on him. Spock would sell his very Katra to see Jim well and safe and anyone who truly knew Spock, and what Jim meant to him, would know.

Across from them on the shuttle sat Suvoc and Ronan. They were speaking softly to each other, so softly that Spock would have to strain to hear, his hearing was not what it had been once, and he was too disinterested to bother. If Suvoc had found a bondmate even one-tenth as important to him as Spock had with his, then Spock was glad for them, whatever the circumstances that got them together. Spock could no more blame Ronan for the rogue Romulan, Nero, then his old counterpart could be blamed for the destruction of Romulus. Probably even less so. Every species of every planet had their problematic citizens.

The truth was, Spock did not relish the idea of giving in to that most inconvenient emotion of hope. For if he did, if he allowed himself to be filled with hope that Jim would be well again and a true partner to him once more, and then the healers on New Vulcan advised that there was nothing to be done for Jim, then Spock would feel twice as devastated. It mattered not about how illogical that was. He would be no worse off than before he’d learned Jim could not be helped, and therefore, it made no sense to mourn what he’d never even had the hope of having.

And there was that word again…hope.

But he had it. It had come in. It had crept into his heart, into his mind, his dreams, uninvited, and most unwelcome.

And if they were both doomed to disappointment, Spock had a decision to make. He was well aware that Jim would not want to live years as he was now. And Spock was equally aware he would not live years without Jim. He had made that decision long ago.

So if all hope was indeed loss for Jim, for them, then Spock would have to, at last, end it for both of them.

As they approached New Vulcan, Jim began to stir, and Spock prepared himself for what he would face as Jim awoke, for his own mind was already filled with the dreaded horror of Jim’s desolate confusion.

Jim straightened from leaning against Spock and looked around the shuttle in panic. “What? What is this? Where am I?”

“Jim.”

He looked at Spock, but there was only blankness. “Who are you?”

“I am Spock.”

Jim shrugged. “So?”

“Your husband.”

Jim shook his head. “No. No. I don’t know you. Where am I? Where’s security? Someone help me!”

He scrambled up from his seat.

Suvoc put a hand on his shoulder. “Here. I will help you.”

Jim looked at him, frowning. “Who are you?”

“It is all right, Father…Dad. It is me. It is Suvoc. We are on the shuttle about to land on New Vulcan.”

“New Vulcan.”

“Yes. And Spock is your bondmate and husband.” Suvoc turned him back toward Spock. “You remember. You have been together many years.”

Jim’s face crumbled. “Spock,” he whispered.

“Yes, Dad. Go to him.”

Spock opened his arms and Jim went into them, burying his face in Spock’s neck, tears already flowing. “I am here, ashayam. I am here.”

He gazed across, over Jim, at Suvoc. They shared a look. They both knew that if this didn’t work, the option left open to them.

Spock hoped it worked.

And there, he was back to hope. All that he had. They had.

March 14, 2019

Love of a Lifetime, Chapter 4 Beginning

I have finally started the final chapter of Love of a Lifetime. It’s going to take some time to finish it, but here is the first part.

Spock could not deny he was anxious about Suvoc speaking with Jim without his presence. He trusted their son and knew that Suvoc would do nothing to hurt Jim, not intentionally anyway. But Spock had become more than just Jim’s bondmate and husband, he was his guardian, and leaving him alone with anyone went against everything Spock had become.

He hovered anxiously. Pacing in the apartment when he could no longer stand still.

He could hear Ronan speaking softly in another room, obviously communicating with someone outside their circle.

Spock stopped outside the bedroom he shared with Jim and reached out through their bond to ascertain Jim’s emotional state. Jim did not seem frightened or upset, but neither was he getting any positive emotion from his husband. Just neutrality.

He turned and went into the kitchen to pour himself tea. Spock had time to wonder if perhaps his need to protect and care for Jim had led to obsession. He did not know. He could not bear Jim being hurt in anyway. Coming home the night when his meeting had run late to find Jim in such a state had convinced Spock that he might not be able to leave Jim alone any longer. And then when Jim had gotten lost after that, Spock had become even more convinced. Losing Jim was not at all something Spock was prepared to do. Not at this point. Not ever, actually, but he knew it was likely he would someday.

There had been a time Spock had hoped Khan’s blood would keep his T’hy’la alive much longer than he would normally be expected, but the tests Leonard had done prior to his own passing had not revealed that to be the case.

The door opened to the bedroom, and Spock set his cup down, hurrying over to see the result of Suvoc’s visit with Spock.

The two emerged together. Suvoc had his arm linked with Jim’s, his expression very soft, gentle and affectionate. Jim had a slight smile on his face. Spock did not yet give in to relief.

“Jim?” he ventured.

“We’re going to New Vulcan, Spock,” Jim announced with a look at Suvoc.

“I have convinced Father that the healers seek to help him. With your permission, Sa-Mekh, we will all leave for New Vulcan tomorrow. Ronan and I will make the arrangements.”

Spock went to Jim then, removing his son from Jim’s side, aware he was doing so, perhaps, possessively.

“You are sure, Adun?”

Jim smiled, his blue eyes bright and clear, no confusion visible. “I’m sure. Maybe it will actually help.”

Spock hoped so too, but he was concerned that both Jim and Suvoc could get their hopes up for nothing. Suvoc could deal with it, Spock was sure, but Jim…he feared not. And Spock, himself, he was not sure if he could deal with the disappointment that there might not be any hope for Jim. He drew Jim into his arms and held him close. “Let us go then. Tomorrow.”

February 16, 2019

Flash Fic Friday, February 01, 2019

All Jim wanted to do was go home, get undressed, and soak in a tub full of bubbles for hours. Maybe days. He was beat. Exhausted beyond imagining. How he was still walking, Jim didn’t know.

When he reached his building he stopped at the door and looked up. Half the time the lifts didn’t work and he had to take the stairs. He might just cry if that was the case today.

Jim pushed open the doors and stepped inside the dark, shadowy lobby area. He eyed the lift with a baleful eye, noting the sign that declared “Out of Order”.

Dejected no doubt unreasonably, Jim turned toward the stairwell. The door handle was covered in someone’s slobber or something. With a grimace, he wiped his hands on his pants and went up the first flight.

It became a near thing that he just gave up and sat down on the landing when he’d reached the third floor. But he trudged up to the fourth floor, holding onto the railing, breathing heavily.

At the fifth, he opened the door onto the corridor and walked down toward the opposite end of the hall to Number 512.

He waved his hand vaguely across the door and it clicked open, allowing him entry. He made it just the few feet to the sofa and sank down gratefully. He closed his eyes.

“Jim!”

His eyes flew open and he jumped. “What?”

Spock stood there staring down at him. He wore a long white robe that honestly resembled one of Jim’s own terry cloth bathrobes.

“When did you get home?”

“Just a moment ago.”

“You are wheezing.”

His lungs, damaged from one too many radiating missions, had decided he had asthma some months back. “Stairs.”

“You should have contacted me.”

Jim smiled slightly. “To do what? Climb on your back piggyback style while you race up the stairs?”

Spock sniffed. “Where is your inhaler?”

“Forgot it.”

Spock walked away. Jim watched him bemusedly. He returned a moment later holding out Jim’s inhaler.

“We need to move.”

“Again?”

‘Well.” He sucked in some air. “The lift never works.”

“It is close to headquarters and allows you to walk.”

He sucked in more air and then set it on the cushion next to him. “At least let’s think about it. God, I’m exhausted. I have to get up and start a bath.”

“Already started.”

Jim smiled. “Yeah?”

Spock nodded. “I have also poured you a glass of whiskey and have your favorite meat casserole in the oven.”

“Now if I can just move.”

Spock reached down and hauled him to his feet. But it was gently. Jim leaned against him anyway. Spock’s arms came around him.

“I believe it is time to talk to them about decreasing your hours, adun.”

“Hmm. Maybe.” He sighed. “Ugh. I’m so tired. Carry me.”

Suddenly everything shifted and he was uplifted into Spock’s arms.

“Spock! I was kidding!”

Spock carried him into the bathroom and started lowering him into the tub filled with hot sudsy water. In a manly scent, of course.

Jim laughed. “Spock! I was kidding. Put me down. I’m still wearing my clothes!”

I don’t have any AOS OMS pictures so use your imagination. You got this because I’m just not at all prepared to post the last part of Revealing. So sorry the time got away from me.

February 1, 2019

Home, Flash Fic, November 30, 2018

close up of christmas decoration hanging on tree — Photo by Gary Spears on Pexels.com

It was silly to care, I knew that.

Spock didn’t. It was just another day to him. Probably always had been. And he only indulged his illogical mate over the years.

I got it. I did.

But still, I stood looking out the window of our house on New Vulcan. For what? I didn’t know. Normally, we might have been in Riverside this time of year, but because of Spock’s ambassadorial duties, this year we were on New Vulcan.

Except that Spock had been called away and here I was alone.

Waiting for my husband to come home.

How pathetic.

I turned away from the window with a sigh and looked out over our house. I’d put up a small tree. Even decorated it. By myself. I felt more than a little foolish to have bothered.

“Computer stop Christmas music playlist.”

The strains of holiday music abruptly ceased. I eyed my gingerbread flavored tea dispassionately and picked up the cup and poured it out into the sink.

“Time to grow up, Jim,” I told myself out loud.

I was never going to be able to recreate happy holiday times that just never existed.

The first year Spock and I had been a couple, I had mentioned Christmas.

His face had gone quite blank.

“Didn’t you ever, I don’t know, celebrate some kind of holiday with Uhura?” And it had been hard to even say that, because I was still a little sensitive about the whole Spock and Uhura were a couple for so long crap.

“Nyota respected my Vulcan cultural differences.”

I had shrunk back then from the embrace we’d been in, feeling as though I had been slapped. I turned away, desperate to hide the hurt I was certain showed.

“Jim, that is not what I meant. That came out wrong,” Spock insisted.

“Sure. I have to get back to the bridge.”

“Jim—”

And it had been better later. We’d had a small celebration, which I had been expanding on or at least trying to maintain ever since.

Now, back in the present, I sighed with regret and figured I might as well just take everything down and put it away. For good this time. It seemed ridiculous now that I’d brought everything with me to New Vulcan.

A week ago when Sarek had stopped by to see if I needed anything while Spock was away, I’d seen the barest hint of disapproval in his eyes at my Christmas decorations. He hid it well, but I’d seen it.

Sometimes I felt as though I had been the one doing all the compromising. I knew that wasn’t fair, I did. But I was sad and lonely and depressed at that moment and all I could see was everything negative.

I grabbed a plastic box and took it over to the tree to begin to remove the ornaments. The first one I removed was a tiny little replica of Vulcan Prime. I’d found it in a little Alpine Christmas shop on Earth in Germany. I’d been kind of thrilled at the time at my find but of course when I’d shown my purchase to Spock he’d made some dismissive comment about how a tiny little ornament could never really represent his planet.

I should have thrown it away then, I thought, as I took it down and put it in the box.

Nyota respected my Vulcan cultural differences.

“Yeah, well fuck you,” I said out loud. “And her too. I’m not fucking Nyota.”

“For which I am grateful.”

I dropped the ornament I held, a squirrel holding an acorn, and turned in shock to see my husband standing just inside our house, wearing a black cloak and a turtle neck sweater in a blue that matched my eyes. I know, he’d told me he’d picked it out for that very reason.

“Spock!”

He inclined his head. “What are you doing, ashayam?”

“Uh.” I set the box down and hurried over to him. “Never mind that. You’re home!” I threw my arms around him and he pulled me close, nosing into my hair by my ear. A thrill shot through me. “I thought you weren’t going to be back until next month.”

“I was able to finish earlier than anticipated,” Spock said, his arms holding my very close indeed. “I thought my presence would be welcome for your holiday celebration.”

“It is. Very much so.” I pulled back to kiss him full on the lips.

Spock grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the tree. “What are you doing?” he asked again.

I swallowed heavily. “Well. I, um. I was putting it all away.”

Spock looked down into the box and reached down to pull out the replica of Vulcan Prime. His gaze rose to mine. And I couldn’t hold it. I looked away, not wanting him to read me just then.

“Jim,” he said softly. “We can celebrate Christmas every day if that is what you wish.”

I laughed and turned red. “That’s not what I want. It’s not very special if it’s every day.”

His fingers touched my chin and forced me to meet his gaze. “I love you. Beyond all ordinary meaning of such simple words. I would give up all and anything to make you happy.”

My tears pricked and stung my eyes. “I don’t want you to give up who you are or anything else. I just—”

“I know.” Spock drew me close again, still holding the ornament at the same time. “I made it back here today to be with you, as I knew you would want. I know you, ashayam. Better than I know myself at times. I never want you to change. You are my beautiful mate.”

“Spock,” I whispered into his neck.

He reached past me to put the ornament back on the tree. “Come. Let’s have some of that gingerbread tea you love so much.”

I smiled. “Yeah?”

“Indeed. And perhaps we can even replicate cookies.”

“Now you’re talking!” I laughed and pulled him toward the kitchen. And my heart was light. Spock was home.

November 30, 2018

The Love of a Lifetime,September 03,2018

Spock put his hand on his sleeping husband’s face, waiting for the fog to lift and Jim to come to awareness once more. He could feel Jim’s mind springing back, the confusion fading away as Spock reminded him of who he was, where he was, and their life.

Eyelids lifted to expose the beloved blue. When Jim was gone, Spock would be gone too. There was no other outcome for either of them.

“Hello Spock,” Jim said softly. “Have I been asleep long?”

“No, T’hy’la. Just a couple of ours. I have had tea with our son and his mate.”

“He looks happy, yeah? I mean as happy as Vulcans can look.”

Spock smiled slightly. “Agreed. Would you like to get up now and have something to eat with us?”

“All right.” Jim’s tongue darted out as he sat up. “Spock, what’s really going on? What is Suvoc here for?”

Spock hesitated only a moment before taking Jim’s hand in his. “He wishes to convince us to go to New Vulcan with him to experiment with a treatment he hopes will help with your dementia.”

“Oh.” Jim nodded. “I-I suspected it was something like that. But—”

“I ask that you consider it and what he has to say, adun. If not for our sake, but for his. He has already lost his birth parents as well as his relationships with Ambassador Spock and Leonard. It has all taken its toll on his, Jim. He tries not to show it but I assure you it does.”

Jim raised his other hand to Spock’s cheek. “You would know, wouldn’t you? All right, sweetheart, I’ll listen and keep an open mind.”

Spock moved his face to kiss Jim’s palm. “You are everything. Come. Do you wish a shower first?”

He helped Jim up from the bed.

“Yeah, maybe. Still feel a little groggy and kind of sweaty.”

“Here, I will help you.” And he led his husband into the shower, thinking of their many intimacies there in their distant past.

If you would like to revisit one here it is: Shower Scene from Changes

September 3, 2018

The Love of a Lifetime, August 24, 2018

It was only Sa-Mekh who came out a few minutes later.

“He’s resting. I put him down for a nap,” Sa-Mekh said. “He should be better when he awakens.”

Suvoc had no doubt that when Sa-Mekh said he put Father down, much like a parent does for a child, he helped Father ease into sleep. Fear and uncertainty curled in his stomach.

Sa-Mekh looked to Ronan, who remained as cool and calm as he ever was. “Which of your parent was human?”

“My mother, actually,” Ronan replied, taking the tea Suvoc handed him, with an easy smile that served to melt some of Suvoc’s unease. “My father was Romulan and Vulcan. His father was Vulcan and his mother Romulan. It was she who raised me.”

“You were raised by your Romulan grandmother,” Sa-Mekh said with a stiff nod.

“Yes. She was a former commander in the Romulan forces.”

Suvoc decided it was time to direct Sa-Mekh away from the inquisition. He opened his mouth to speak.

“How did you two meet?”

“Sa-Mekh—”

Ronan held up his hand. “All is well, e’lev. Were my grandmother alive, you would be subjected to similar inquiry. My people are gone, all of them, and I went to the colony to help with rebuilding all that I could with New Vulcan. I am only a quarter so I was rejected as a sperm donor, but I am involved with implementing native plants and species onto the colony. This is how I met Suvoc.” Ronan smiled in Suvoc’s direction. Being only a quarter Vulcan, Ronan smiled easily, showed his affection easily, and yes, his wisdom. “After our initial acquaintance, your son found that it was his time. We decided I would assist him with that.”

Suvoc felt himself color but did not add anything to Ronan’s words. Indeed, what else was there to say? Sa-Mekh could fill in the blanks.

“And you are well…suited?”

It was the closest Sa-Mekh would come to asking if there was affection between them. Suvoc nodded. “Yes. I wish to speak of Father. When can I talk to him of the healers on New Vulcan?”

“I made him aware of your intention to speak, but whether he recalls that, at this point, I cannot say.”

August 24, 2018

Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings

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Flash Fic Friday, February 01, 2019

The Love of a Lifetime, August 24, 2018

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