This is the conclusion of the fic that started with the Strip Poker, moved onto Tropical Drinks, The Beach, and now this one, Don’t Break My Heart.
Spock
felt a spark of illogical hope as Jim accompanied him back to the Enterprise. A
part of him had delayed going down to Risa after Nyota had encouraged him to do
so, because he had been afraid that Jim would have already secured himself
temporary companionship.
He’d
been so relieved when he found that not to be the case, and indeed, the captain
had been alone.
And
despite Jim’s somewhat aloof behavior, which frankly over the last few months,
Spock had become used to it, Jim had admitted he shared the same romantic
feelings for Spock as Spock did for him. That was a place to start anyway.
Jim had
left it up to Spock about which quarters were chosen for their talk, and
ultimately, though not without trepidation, Spock chose his own. Because, as
Jim had suggested, comfortable surroundings seemed pertinent just then. Though
Spock was not even certain why.
Once
inside their quarters, Spock respectfully lowered the temperature to more human
tolerable warmth and watched as his captain paced back and forth, looking far
too out of his normal element. This began to concern Spock.
“You-you
did say my interest in you was not unwelcome,” Spock said.
Jim
moistened his lips. “It’s not. It’s just that…” He shook his head and resumed
his pacing.
“Your
current behavior is concerning. If you do not share—
“Spock,
I share it. God.” He laughed and wiped his hand over his face. “I’m crazy in
love with you and have been for, I don’t even know. I’m the one who called you ‘babe’, remember?”
Spock did
not allow the relief and hope to surface this time. “Then, may I inquire into
the source of your reticence?”
He was
surprised when Jim suddenly sat down heavily on Spock’s bed.
“I’m
scared, Spock.”
He
stiffened at the words that were such a reminder of a trying time, but this was
not the time to dwell on such unpleasant recollections.
“Of me?”
Spock dared ask, dreading the answer.
“No.
Yes.” Jim looked up and must have seen Spock’s crestfallen expression. “I don’t
think you’ll physically hurt me, Spock. That’s not at all what this is about.”
“I do
not understand.”
Jim closed
his eyes. “I love you so much. I don’t know…it’s been so long, it’s hard to
remember when I didn’t.”
Spock
opened his mouth to reply.
Jim held
up his hand. “I’m exaggerating. I know. But basically, until very recently, the
time I’ve loved you and known you, has been while you were Uhura. And
you-never…” He stood up again. “This is crazy.”
“Jim,
please speak plainly.”
“All
those years and you never…you didn’t commit to her. I mean no marriage, no
bond, and eventually you broke up and I just…”
Spock
felt his heart twist. “Jim, sit.”
He
swallowed heavily as Jim returned to sitting on the bed. He looked unhappy to
do so, but he did sit.
Spock knelt
in front of him. “You do not believe I am capable of the level of commitment
you require.”
“Well.”
Jim wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“Because
Nyota and I never took those steps. Marriage. Or a…bond.”
“I know
I have no right to expect—”
Spock
reached up and placed his fingertips on Jim’s mouth. “I am in love with you.
Deeply and completely. I will never leave you, unless you demand that I do.
Nyota and I were committed to each other in our own way and that worked for us
until it did not. Until neither of us could deny that we were no longer
romantically in love with each other.“
When Jim
sucked in a breath, Spock realized it was the wrong thing to say to his
panic-stricken captain.
“What
if-what if you decide that you are no longer in love with me. You have before.
And-and, Spock, I’m sorry, but if this is temporary, if a few years from now,
you’re going to decide not to be with me, then I’d rather not now.”
“No one
can predict the future.”
“But I
can. I’ve seen you in action. You likely will fall out of love with me, and who
could blame you, who would want to stay with me?”
“Breathe,
ashayam.” He brought Jim’s hands to his lips and kissed both palms and each
finger after, then held them tightly in his. “I have never loved anyone as
deeply as I love you. And while it is true, I cannot predict what will happen,
I know that my devotion to you is absolute. We can bond immediately if that
will ease your mind.”
“But—”
“Jim,
our-our counterparts had so little time together, considering everything, and I
would rather not be them.”
“They
were together?”
“And
bonded, my love. But for only twenty years before your death. Perhaps that is
to be our fate too, I do not know, but whatever time we are to have, I wish to
begin it now.”
Jim
smiled a little.
“And perhaps
it never worked out between Nyota because it was always meant to be us.”
“Fated
lovers, huh?” The smile grew crooked. “That’s quite a bit of pressure.”
“It need
not be. We love each other and both are committed to each other for the rest of
our lives.”
“You make
it all sound so…”
“So
what, Jim?”
“Appealing.”
Spock
took a chance. “Do not break my heart.”
Jim
leaned forward and pulled Spock up and over him onto the bed. “And don’t break
mine.”
Spock
covered Jim’s lips with his. “Never.”
Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto) 