I could save this for August, but well, I didn’t. Once in a while, I like to practice TOS. And warning, no happy ending.


Jim didn’t come here a lot. Not anymore, anyway. There was a time, when he first took command of the Enterprise, after Pike, that he came to this particular area of the observation deck to reflect on the day, his own performance, his crew. How they were taking him. Did they like him, hate him, did it matter?
Those days had long since passed and Jim was confident in his command abilities. He had proven himself often enough. And he’d found that those times he needed reflection, he could count on a conversation with Spock or Bones.
But now? Not so much.
For Spock was what or rather who he reflected on, and Bones, well, he didn’t feel like being judged or being given country doctor advise.
But despite his best intentions of keeping his location a secret, Jim really wasn’t that surprised when the door swished open behind him.
“Jim?”
“Over here, Bones.”
He waited for his CMO to come up beside him. He glanced briefly at him.
“Need me for something?”
“No.” Bones paused. “You hiding in here, Jim?”
“And if I am?”
“Suppose it’s all right. You’re not currently on shift.” He leaned up and then dropped down on to his heels. “I think you ought to think about rest at some point, though.”
Jim smiled faintly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“What’s eating you, Jim?” Bones put his hand on Jim’s arm. “There’s something. Was it something about Sarpeidon?”
That Bones had zeroed in on it so quickly shouldn’t surprise him. McCoy had been by his side for a long time and had a way of figuring Jim out.
“Maybe.”
“You have been quiet since we returned to the Enterprise. I thought you were all right, after, but there’s something.”
“Don’t think you’d really understand, Bones.”
For a long time, Bones remained silent, but he continued to stare at Jim as though he was seeing directly into him. Maybe he was.
“It’s not your experience on Sarpeidon that’s got you thinking.” Bones grimaced. “Spock?”
Jim’s mouth thinned. Damn McCoy and his ability to read him. “Am I so transparent?”
“Not to everyone, no. But to me? What is it, Jim?”
“He was going to…” Jim stopped. “I don’t blame him for becoming involved.”
“He was under the influence of—”
“I know,” Jim cut in. “I don’t blame him. Not really.”
“Then what?”
Jim shrugged. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
“If not for you, if you hadn’t talked him out of it, well…Spock would have stayed there.” Jim swallowed painfully. “With…” And he couldn’t bring himself to say the name. “Her.”
“But I did, Jim. Spock came out of it and returned here. To the ship. And her captain.”
Jim nodded. “I told you that you wouldn’t understand.”
Bones sighed. “I think I understand more than you realize, Jim.” He squeezed his shoulder. “Want a drink?”
“Better not. I think I’m going to do what you suggested earlier. Get some rest. Go to sleep.”
“Okay, Jim.”
And he would have lingered there still, but Bones stood waiting by the exit door, clearly waiting to escort him, so with a barely repressed sigh, Jim went with McCoy, and was mildly annoyed when Bones made as though to actually drop him off at his quarters.
“Don’t you have something better to do other than babysit me?”
“All right, suit yourself. I do have some things in sickbay to see to. Goodnight, Jim. Try to remember that ultimately, Spock came back to himself and the ship. He didn’t stay with her.”
But he wanted to. Or he wanted her to come with him. But that hadn’t been possible.
Jim read the reports. McCoy’s was far more detailed. Spock had left out much, which was very unlike him, and when Jim had questioned the discrepancies, Spock had implied that he didn’t quite remember everything given that he was not himself.
As he approached his quarters, Jim paused outside Spock’s. For a moment, he raised his hand to ask for admittance. Then he lowered it, turning away. Spock would not want to see him, not at this time, it was late, and Spock had—
He sighed and accessed his own quarters, letting the door close and lock behind him. He eyed his desk and his terminal and all the work he needed to do. But he undressed instead and got into his night clothes, going to bed, but staring up at the dark ceiling for a long time, sleep not claiming him.
June 7, 2019 at 11:41 pm
Break my heart why don’t you?
The feelings here! So raw and emotional. I felt everything right along with Jim.
So very well done!
And thanks for the extra flash!
LikeLike
June 8, 2019 at 12:57 pm
Thanks!
I found out there was a novel written after this by an author who wrote a few Trek books called Yesterday’s Son where Zarabeth had Spock’s child, Zar. 🙃
LikeLike
June 8, 2019 at 1:00 pm
How horrible would that be? For her to have a child…she all alone, then die leaving her son all alone.
LikeLike
June 8, 2019 at 1:03 pm
But apparently in the story he meets up with Spock, who at first refuses to say he is Zar’s father, but then he choose to save Zar over Kirk somewhere in the book, not sure if that means Kirk dies or what, but definitely a different outcome for Spock then if he choose his son but Kirk choose Spock over his.
LikeLike
June 8, 2019 at 6:22 am
Yes, breaking our hearts but this was so good.
I really really need to have a whole weekend to just sit and watch TOS
LikeLike
June 8, 2019 at 12:55 pm
Some episodes are better than others, this is a late 3rd season one that I actually loathe because Spock gets intimate with her lol
LikeLike
June 8, 2019 at 6:32 am
Your TOS voice is so different from your AOS voice. It’s like I can hear the age difference.
Yeah, that would be a hard situation for Jim to handle. Just as Jim’s many such activities on missions must be for Spock.
LikeLike
June 8, 2019 at 12:54 pm
Well more than that I’d like to know if the TOS voices are at least somewhat accurate, both Kirk’s and Bones
🤪
LikeLike
June 8, 2019 at 12:59 pm
It’s harder to get Bones’ voice when he’s not in a situation to gratingly berate and bitch at Spock, in insubordination mode.
As long as he’s being friends with Jim, you got him.
LikeLike
June 8, 2019 at 3:07 pm
Very well done. You have the character’s voices perfectly TOS. It’s such a sad ending though, with no resolution.. It begs for a follow-up, morning after conversation between Jim and Spock. Or maybe that’s me begging! Spock would, no doubt feel guilt about having nearly abandoned Jim. I too read that published novel. I still have it.
Thank you for two flash fictions. I enjoyed them both. ❤
LikeLike
June 8, 2019 at 3:11 pm
Oh I didn’t read it! 🙂
I’ve never read any Star Trek novels, I just heard it exists. Now I know it does since you read it! LOL
Thank you, I am glad I succeeded with their voices!
LikeLike
June 8, 2019 at 10:16 pm
Oh and I meant to add, I don’t think Spock would feel guilty about the circumstances surrounding Zarabeth. His behavior was beyond his control and he and Kirk are not in any intimate relationship at this point. He has no real reason to consider Jim’s feelings in the matter because he is unaware of them.
Similarly (though I know my friend JJ would not agree, LOL) Jim doesn’t really owe Spock his guilt or an explanation for his “indiscretions” either because he isn’t aware of Spock’s feelings etc…Honestly they should both have their head banged together! 😒
LikeLike
June 9, 2019 at 9:01 am
Oh, it’s not that TOS Jim should feel guilty at this point. It’s just that now that Jim realizes how he feels at Spock being intimate with Zarabeth, someday when he and Spock finally do admit their feelings, Jim might remember how this feels now and consider Spock might have felt that same way, several times over, when Jim did the same thing–and Jim wasn’t under the influence of spores or prereformation or anything but his own hormones..
LikeLike
June 9, 2019 at 9:51 am
(Although I know Spock brings that up in your LIBAD fic!)
LikeLike
June 9, 2019 at 10:00 am
He does, yes. And I agree, that it absolutely works both ways.
Other than Jim romancing women when he should be thinking about his ship and crew, technically neither of them is doing anything wrong, and yet, I absolutely hate when either of them is involved with someone else in the episodes. HATE. I know it’s absolutely ridiculous of me to feel that way, yet I do. I literally cringe. I cringe when Spock kisses Uhura (or actually she kisses him ALWAYS) in AOS too. But I admit I AM ridiculous! 🙂
LikeLike
June 9, 2019 at 10:42 am
I don’t at all think you’re ridiculous. You just recognized what was going on much sooner than I, a completely straight woman, would notice, because I wasn’t looking for it, didn’t identify with it, as you do.
You had very few role models in media when you were growing up, so it was amazing there was these two, and you hate when someone tries to rip them away. But even I, as this straight woman, HATED Shatner/Kirk from 66-69. We read over and over what a jerk Shat was on set to the others. I HATED that Kirk was written to always chase tail during missions and using women. I didn’t care what he did on his own time, but he was doing this when the Enterprise crew was in danger or crisis (falling in love with the android when the crew LITERALLY only had a few hours to live before they would all be fatally infected by the Rigelian fever epidemic running through the ship. But Kirk was fighting over the latest beauty.)
I HATED him.
It was only when in all 6 movies, Kirk never chased a woman, during or between missions, that I finally liked him. Kirk finally only chased Spock. And he did it adorably.
LikeLike
June 10, 2019 at 6:38 am
Found the Star Trek TOS novel in Wikipedia:
In it “Spock, disables Zar with the Vulcan nerve pinch, wishing to spare him from danger”, when they are trapped in a planet while the Enterprise battles Romulans.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yesterday%27s_Son
LikeLike