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Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings

Author

ivansfanfiction

Flash Fic (Roommates), January 20, 2021

Photo by Enric Cruz Lu00f3pez on Pexels.com

Spock now found himself getting an apartment in an old Victorian neighborhood where the former stately homes had been converted to apartments. Theirs was on the second floor and had two bedrooms, one bathroom, a small kitchen, and an even smaller living room.  He wasn’t even sure he should have gotten the place. It had all been to get away from seeing Jim every day in their dorm, but since Jim was now coming with him, it seemed a waste to rent an apartment when they could just continue to live in their dorm together.

But to admit that would be to admit to Jim he really had intended to get away from him.

So, they packed up their few belongings, and moved to the rental about a ten minute walk from the campus. They’d had to get furniture too.

On moving day, Spock noted the appearance of Jim’s new friend, another cadet who was a doctor, named Leonard McCoy. Jim inexplicably called him “Bones”.  At first Spock thought he might be a boyfriend, but after studying their interactions, Spock didn’t think so. Unusual though, considering Jim had declared Spock was his only real friend. That certainly didn’t seem to be the case, so that left Spock wondering why Jim would lie.

That night, after they’d all shared pizza on moving day, Jim said goodbye to “Bones” and turned to Spock with a stunning smile.

“Well, that’s it. We’re all moved in to our new place.”

“Indeed.”

“Feels pretty good, I’d say. I never even really thought about moving off campus before. I mean it seemed kinda cool to live just across the hall from other cadets.”

Spock pursed his lips. “You could have stayed there if that had been your preference, I did not intend to remove you from something you enjoyed.”

Jim waved this away and moved away from the door he had been leaning on after bidding goodbye to McCoy. “I’ll enjoy this too. I actually like the idea of it being just the two of us.” He laughed. “Well unless one of us has someone over anyway.”

“Mm.”

“Speaking of, do you want to have some kind of signal?”

“Signal?” Spock had moved into the kitchen to make himself tea.

“Well, you know, if you have someone over for, um, well, stuff you’d rather not be interrupted for. We could put a sock on the doorknob of our rooms or something. That kind of thing.”

For several heartbeats, Spock was aware he simply stared at Jim, unable to form a response.

“Spock?”

He shook his head. “I don’t intend to bring anyone of that nature over.”

“Are you sure because…”

“I am quite sure.” Spock poured his tea. “If the occasion comes up, I will visit their dwelling, which allows me to leave without the awkwardness of asking them to do so.”

“Oh.” Jim nodded, smiling tentatively. “That definitely makes sense. Well. I don’t know if I’ll have any, um, occasion to, uh, bring someone over, but if I do, I’ll put something like the sock on my door.”

“Very well,” Spock said simply.

This was Jim’s apartment too, after all, so he could hardly forbid his adult roommate from having paramours over. He wanted to, though.

But this was sort of a nightmare of his own making simply because he could not admit to Jim he didn’t want to live with him.

“All right, then, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go use the shower for the first time.” Jim grinned.

“I have no objection whatsoever.”

“Cool.”

And Jim disappeared to his room to get ready for his shower.

Spock stared at his communication device. Currently his mother was in San Francisco with his father. Sarek had ambassadorial duties that required him being present there at the moment, and Amanda had chosen to come with him to see Spock and other family members and friends. She’d notified him a few days earlier.

He sent her a message.

“Mother, are you free to meet me for a late dinner tonight?”

A moment later, the response.

“What time?”

“Eight-thirty.”

“Bronson’s?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

He closed his communicator. Some motherly advice might just be in order.    

Tuesday Guess the Fic, January 19, 2021

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

Let’s try a slightly different approach to the summar.

In the first chapter, it’s Jim who helps Spock, after he unexpectedly collapses, but very shortly after, it’s Spock who becomes Jim’s hero, after Jim is assaulted.

  • hint, there was artwork created for this Starfleet Academy story.

Flash Fic, January 18, 2021

The roommates again…I might keep writing the rest of this month’s flashes about them so that when they are finished, I can post their entire story on AO3.

Spock stood staring at the message board for Academy Cadet roommates for far longer than he should have. It was an odd concept to Spock anyway. Archaic. And in all likelihood, he did not wish to trade any of those seeking a dorm mate with Jim. If he truly was going to vacate his dorm room, it would be for an apartment of his own, not for another person bound to cause Spock consternation.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

And speaking of…Jim had saddled up next to him and was now gazing at the board. He blinked a few times, and then, Spock clearly saw, plastered a smile on his face, and turned to Spock.

“You aren’t looking to ditch me are ya?”

The jovial manner in which Jim asked indicated that Jim was trying to be lighthearted about it.

But Spock struggled with a reply, because, indeed, he was.

The smile slipped, barely, but there was a tiny huff of breath. “God, you really are, huh? I was just joking but…”

Spock shook his head. “I am not really looking for another dorm mate. I am considering moving off campus to an apartment.” He hesitated. “I surveyed the board on the chance I would find a suitable replacement for you when I vacate.”

Jim tugged his bottom lip with his teeth. “Vacate? Well. Why?”

“When I first submitted my application for the Academy I was uncertain whether dormitory living was for me and had anticipated the point when I would prefer an off campus dwelling. I am not really a communal sort.”

Jim nodded at this. “Okay. Well, we can find an off campus apartment. There’s a building about a block or so down from the Academy. That would probably suit us.”

Spock’s stomach hurt. As it often did if he had to face something emotionally uncomfortable. Jim was certainly not making this easy. But then, Spock found that nothing was particularly easy where Jim was concerned. He simply could not continue living with a roommate he was…infatuated with…and did not share that infatuation.

Spock exhaled carefully. “I would not wish to burden you with the unexpected cost of an apartment.”

Jim shrugged. “Oh, I’m not worried about that. I can cover that.”

“But…” Spock paused, searching for words. “You enjoy the camaraderie that comes with communal living spaces.”

“Sure, but…” And then there was that little huff of breath that somehow made Spock’s stomach hurt worse. “Oh.”

Spock turned to look at Jim, fully, though reluctantly. Thus far he had been able to avert his gaze under the pretense he was still studying the message board. And now he wished he had continued to do so, because all openness in Jim’s beautiful blue eyes had shuttered like he had slammed down a door. Spock’s stomach pain increased tenfold.

“Jim…”

“No, I get it. It’s fine, Spock. It’s just that…I thought we were getting along pretty well.”

“We…were. Are.”

There was the barest twitch of Jim’s lips. “And yet, you want to ditch me.”

“That is not…”

Jim held up his hands. “No need to fall all over yourself trying to explain. I know I can be a bit much. And probably especially for a Vulcan. But I-I don’t have a lot of friends, not real ones anyway, and I thought…nah, never mind. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. Just let me know when you move out, okay?”

Jim turned and began to walk away.

And Spock really, really ought to let him. But at that moment, he was so emotionally distraught and out of his element, that he almost doubled over from the pain. And he could not, would not do it. No matter how much in…infatuated he was with Jim.

“I wish for us to get an apartment together,” Spock called after Jim.

He saw the moment Jim’s shoulders tightened and he very slowly turned around. Those eyes were still shuttered which Spock found he did not like at all.

“Yeah?”

“Yes. If you will accompany me, we can go to that apartment building you mentioned, and select a place together.”

Jim stared at him a moment without a word. Then, “Are you doing this because you feel sorry for me?”

No, because I love you.  

“I—”

Jim surprised him with a hearty laugh. “It’s cool. I’m totally onboard with whatever works. Let’s go get that apartment.”

And Spock found himself matching steps with Jim, who grinned at him, as they made their way off campus to find a new place to live…together.   

Flash Fic, January 15, 2021

This continues the ongoing antics/relationship of the roommates, Spock and Jim.

Spock’s crush, if that’s what it was, as he found that to be such a very odd term, hadn’t gotten any better. Or rather, resolved itself.

He had spent the better part of the Winter Break with his roommate, James Kirk, eating human foods Jim introduced to him as well as watching holiday entertainment. He had found himself very much enjoying their time together, but it never really seemed to move past a friendly camaraderie.

Spock was positive that was his own doing. He was not, as it happened, inexperienced sexually. He’d had a few casual sexual encounters both on Vulcan and Earth. But he wasn’t especially good at forming friendships and romantic pairings.

While it was true he had not come right out to Jim to express an interest in sexual intercourse, all Spock’s usual subtler methods had thus far failed to bring forth an answering response in Jim.

Normally, Spock might think Jim was simply not interested in male sexual partners, but since they had begun rooming together, Spock knew he’d gone out with a few males. He hadn’t to this point thought seriously that it might be that Jim did not find Spock himself attractive.

Winter Break was now over and they were back to their courses at Starfleet Academy.  Spock found that meant he saw Jim far less. Because of their different coursework majors, Jim spent study time in a different campus library then Spock.

Spock has told himself that this is a good thing, because it means he will get over this strange affection he has for Jim if he doesn’t see him as often.

But as he returned to their dorm one night, along the way walking from the Science Library, he spotted Jim and he was not alone. Jim was engaged in kissing a female Orion. Spock didn’t linger, but instead quickened his pace.

Once he was in his dorm, Spock brought up his PADD. It might just be time to request a new dorm. Or even to get his own apartment off campus. He had the means to do so, he had just assumed the experience of living on campus would serve him well. No longer certain, Spock contemplated his next action.

When Jim returned to their dorm a short time later, smiling brightly, Spock avoided looking in his direction after spotting the “hickey” along Jim’s collarbone.

Jim didn’t seem to notice. He went into the kitchen for some orange juice out of the fridge. “Want to play some chess, Spock?”

“Thank you, no.”

It probably came out more curtly than Spock had intended for Jim’s smile slipped, but he simply nodded and poured himself orange juice.

Spock had made the acquaintance of a Betazoid just prior to the Winter Break. After sending a quick message to him, Spock reached for his coat.

“Going out?” Jim asked, sounding merely curious.

“Indeed. I have a date,” Spock replied, though he wasn’t sure why he bothered sharing that information.

Jim blinked. “Oh. Okay. Will you be back later—”

“That is uncertain. In any case, goodnight, Jim.”

And though his night with the Betazoid ended up being physically satisfying, Spock returned to their dorm in the early morning hours…empty.   Flash Fic, September 30, 2020 Flash Fic, October 21, 2020 Flash Fic, November 06, 2020 Flash Fic, November 23, 2020

Throw Back Thursday

Don’t Walk Away was posted January 30, 2017

“Jim!”

Spock watched his now former captain’s back as he continued to disappear into the crowd. He was certain that James Kirk had heard him, but had refused to turn around anyway.

For an undetermined amount of time, and didn’t that show exactly what was wrong with Spock, he stood there on the platform for the high speed train. His fingers curled against the palms of his hands, forming fists. And still he stood rooted to the spot, letting Jim leave without pursuit.

How had Spock let it get to this point? For certainly it must be his fault.

He was well aware he did not do well with emotions. He did not even always understand them. He’d spent a lifetime learning to hide them, no bury them even, as though they did not-could not exist.

This was not an easy thing for a Human to handle. They wanted affection and understanding and emotional comfort that sometimes Spock simply could not supply.

His relationship with Nyota had ultimately failed because he could never quite offer her what she wanted, what she deemed she was worthy of. And indeed, Spock had deemed her worthy of it too, but he could not give it to her. And though he still thought of her with as much affection and respect as he always had, they’d parted ways. Nyota had wished to pursue another personal relationship and Spock had appreciated that she informed him of this before actually doing so.

But he remembered that night, the first time he’d seen her laughing and dancing with Montgomery Scott. He had even suspected that was who she was interested in, and yet it had been more difficult to see them together than he had anticipated. He’d returned to his quarters and a few minutes later there had been the chime for entry that would forever change his life…nay him.

“Are you all right?” Jim asked, coming toward him, concern in his eyes so evident that Spock actually stepped back in surprise. “No, of course you aren’t. I can see that you aren’t.”

Spock was concerned that he was displaying some sort of emotionalism he was not even aware of. He opened his mouth to ask when Jim stepped close, put his hands on Spock’s face, one on either side of Spock’s jaw, and looked into Spock’s eyes with eyes that seemed to mirror Spock’s very katra.

“I’m sorry,” Jim whispered. “I know you hurt. I know you feel. You shouldn’t have had to see that. It wasn’t right.”

And before Spock even realized what he was doing, he was kissing Jim, devouring his captain’s lips, searing his own body to Jim’s.

For a while, everything had been exactly the way Spock would have wanted it to be if he had ever thought Jim Kirk would be his. Jim seemed to understand him in ways Nyota never had. In fact, in ways no one ever had. Spock had even begun to think in terms of eventual bonding. He had been reluctant to mention it still. Feeling his way. And before he knew it, the mission was nearing its end and Jim began to talk about a different future than what Spock had been envisioning.

“I don’t know, Spock. Maybe I’ll think about that position on that new Starbase that’s supposed to be even bigger than Yorktown.” He laughed. “Can you imagine? I’m tired, you know. That last year really kicked my ass. Or maybe, I don’t know, retire to Iowa or something. God, like I should do that. I just, I don’t know. I’m thinking about my options. What about you? Are you thinking of going to New Vulcan?”

And that was when it hit Spock hard. Jim didn’t want the future Spock did. A future together.

The last night, Spock had been on the observation deck, staring at nothing. And when he’d heard someone else enter he had suspected it would be Nyota. He’d been surprised it was not.

“Doctor?”

“What are you doing?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“With Jim. What are you doing?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well, let me explain it to you. He’s running scared. That’s what Jim does.”

Spock shook his head. “Doctor, while I appreciate—”

“Don’t be like everyone else, Spock. Don’t let him walk away. You have to pursue him. If he goes to that Starbase or Godforsaken Riverside, you’ve lost. You won’t see him again, because he won’t give you another chance. He’s been hurt too many times. Don’t be the one he can’t get over.”

Now, Spock still stood where he was, watching Jim leave him behind.

“Take care of yourself, Spock.” Jim hadn’t embraced him or kissed him publicly like Nyota would have. Jim had never done any public displays of affection beyond patting or squeezing Spock’s arms. He’d told Spock once he didn’t want to make Spock uncomfortable and their intimacy was private.

Spock made his legs move. In fact, he began to run toward the direction Jim had left, toward the train Jim intended to get on.

As he ran he thought about what he would say when he caught up to Jim. He would start by asking Jim not to walk away. From him. From them. Not to let the fear dictate both their choices and their lives.

But as he reached the train, the doors closed and the train began its high speed journey away from the platform and Spock was left standing there looking at what might have been.

He could not believe he had let Jim slip away.

Spock bowed his head, closing his eyes.

“You want to move, mister?” An old man pushed him as he struggled by with a huge load of luggage toward the next train.

Spock inhaled deeply, straightened and turned.

James T. Kirk smiled at him, blue eyes shining as bright as any star Spock had ever seen.

“Going somewhere?” Jim asked in a voice soft and warm enough to thaw any heart, no matter its location.

“Affirmative,” Spock managed to say, his voice deep and gravelly as he stepped close to Jim.

“Yeah?” That smile that would never get old. Would never be tiresome. But in fact was like life. “Where?”

“With you.”    

Flash Fic, January 13, 2021

Photo by Julia Volk on Pexels.com

“Did you talk to Spock about it?”

Jim glanced at Bones. His friend was frowning, looking grumpy as hell. He then looked over to where Spock sat, waiting for him at a sidewalk café, at a table for two in the sun.

Sure, maybe this conversation should be a lot more private, but Jim didn’t exactly have that luxury. They were due to leave this place soon enough. And he guessed now was as good a time as any.

He nodded at Bones. “See you later.”

“Jim.”

“Yeah?”

“You, ah, you want some company or need help or something.”

Jim smiled. Slightly. But he was sure it counted. “Nah. It’s okay. Thanks, Bones.”

Spock looked up when Jim approached. He was huddled around a single cup of tea, as though it was a heat lamp or something. Jim took the seat across from him.

“So.” He blew out a breath. “The divorce is final.”

“I see.”

Neither said anything else for a while. There was a breeze coming off the nearby ocean that chilled the air.

“How do you feel?” Spock spoke into the quiet.

“A little numb, I guess. I never thought…” Jim shakes his head.

“It was not your fault.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. She says she’s okay.”

“And your father?”

“Closed mouthed as usual. Says he’s got a farm to deal with, no time for reflecting. His words.”

Spock unwrapped one hand from the teacup and moved it toward Jim’s. He was a little surprised, but not unhappy, as he turned his palm upward to accept Spock’s hand covering his.

He smiled at Spock. At least some things were good. Very good.

“Come on. We should go. You’re cold anyway and we’re leaving soon.”

“Jim.” Spock’s voice is soft and gentle. Warm. “Their relationship not working out is no reflection on you.”

“I know.” And he does know.

“Or us.”

That Spock gets it…

Jim licked his lips. “I know that too. Deep down. I just…I really love you and I don’t want…I don’t want that to happen to us.”

“Nor do I. I do not believe that it will.”

His thumb stroked the plumper part of Jim’s palm. Warmth flooded Jim’s senses. Affection. And his parents’ divorce sucks. It does. But this doesn’t. And Spock’s right. As usual.

Jim smiled his first real smile of the day. “Come on, honey. Let’s go home.”

Tuesday Guess the Fic

After a visit to New Vulcan to visit with Ambassador Spock, Spock shows Jim just how jealous he really is.

Flash Fic, January 11, 2021

The moment Jim steps onto the bridge he is aware that everyone on the bridge is looking at him, but trying to pretend they are not. He feels the heavy, oppressive tension oozing off them. He feels it himself.

There are a couple of exceptions to those watching his entrance surreptitiously.

Uhura doesn’t even try to pretend she is not openly gaping at him. He ignores her.

And Spock. Yes. Of course he arrives before Jim. He is resolutely not looking at Jim.

That just annoys Jim more and makes his headache worse. It’s pounding at the moment and there’s nothing he can do about it. He’d already tried one of Bones’ usual remedies.

He taps his fingers on the console of his Captain’s chair and just as pointedly does not look at Spock.

It’s clear that, somehow, everyone around him has heard that he and Spock had a fight.

Admittedly this is not unusual. They met fighting really. And at times Jim feels good they’ve gotten at least past that. But they are both passionate and it is inevitable.

But this is their first fight as a romantic couple. Which admittedly began less than a month ago. Jim wonders if it’s over already. If he wants it to be.

Jim is aware the hurt and headache is making him irrational and that it is not the time for such decisions to be made or even to think of them.   

His new yeoman takes that moment to approach him. Her name is Allison Krenitz and she took over from Rand after she left the Enterprise to undergo engineer training.

She hands him a cup of coffee with a wide smile. She’s young and eager to please, Jim can tell. Besides he has never asked her to bring him coffee.

He takes a sip anyway and closes his eyes momentarily in pleasure. When he opens them, he smiles at her.

“This is perfect.”

Krenitz nods. “Cream and one sugar cube, just like you like it, Sir.”

Jim wonders vaguely if he has given her that information or if she just picked up on it, but it doesn’t matter, really, and takes another sip. “This is fantastic for replicated.”

“Oh, it’s not, Captain. I brewed it fresh myself.”

Behind him he hears a chair turn quickly from the direction of the science station, but he ignores that too.  

“Well, that’s very nice of you, Yeoman. But not necessary.”

“It’s no trouble, sir.” She hands him an apple. “You didn’t have breakfast in the mess this morning, so I thought you might need something.”

This time he doesn’t miss Uhura loudly clearing her throat and neither does Krenitz as she frowns in her direction.

“Thank you.” Jim smiles. “That will be all for now, Yeoman.”

“Yes, Captain. I’ll be standing by should you need assistance.”

When she leaves and gets on the turbolift, so does Uhura. Jim turns with a frown to look as the doors close on them. She hadn’t asked to leave the bridge and Jim is pretty sure it’s to lecture Krenitz in some way that’s not Uhura’s job or business. He’s aware that his communications officer is a buttinsky just the same.

Jim forgets about it for now, even when Uhura returns a while later.

After his shift, he returns to his quarters, ignoring hints from Bones they should have a drink in ten forward. Finally, he has to admit to Bones, reluctantly, that he’s just not feeling up to it.

Jim is surprised when Bones doesn’t push it.

He’s downright shocked, however, to find Spock waiting for him in his quarters.

Jim opens his mouth to either apologize himself or ask Spock to, and he’s not really sure which it was.

“I am the one who told Yeoman Krenitz how you like your coffee.”

Jim stares at Spock. “Uh. Okay.”

“And that she should bring you a cup each morning.”

Jim nods. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because she did not come up with this herself and—”

“Spock,” Jim interrupts softly. “There’s no need to be jealous over Allison Krenitz.”

“I am not jealous.”

“Or anyone else,” Jim adds. “I know you think I was flirting with the counselor on Rig—”

“You were flirting.”

Jim smiles. Spock looks affronted, sure, but he also looks oddly contrite at the same time, and somehow the look on him is adorable. Jim’s headache is less too.

“I want you. No one else.”

Spock’s expression slips, leaving him looking rather unsure. It’s a remarkably good look too. “You…”

He can see Spock has no idea how to finish his sentence so Jim walks up to him, puts his arms around Spock’s neck and finishes it for him.

“Are hopelessly in love and devoted to you. Yes.”    

Thinking Out Loud Again

So, I am thinking of revisiting a story in 2021 that I had deleted. I am attaching what I wrote here for you to see and get your thoughts.

A few caveats

  1. I will probably revise some of this. Not all. But some. I may or may not have borrowed some of the first part for another fic. I honestly don’t remember, but because of that I would probably revise that some.
  2. The prompt, originally from foreverandeveralone I believe, was that Jim is suspected of a crime, but Spock believes in Jim and his innocence. This would continue to be the case.
  3. The original title was Truth or Consequences, but I am not sure I like that title and might rename it something else.
  4. This will be a bit down the road in 2021 (of course with the understanding I survive to do this), so if you are waiting for the conclusion or continuations of some other fics after My Devotion, no worries, I am still going to work on finishing some others before tackling this one. It’s just been in my thoughts for a while
  5. This is a bit long to read…but I thank you.

Chapter 1: A Moonlit Stroll

“So I guess this is supposed to simulate moonlight,” Jim commented as he and Spock walked along a path on Yorktown.

“For what purpose?” Spock inquired, hands linked behind his back.

“To appear romantic I guess.” He shot a quick glance at Spock. “Not that we’re trying to be romantic or anything.”

Spock appeared to dismiss that bit of silliness without further thought. “As this is a space station, there would be no moonlight, so to produce artificial moonlight for aesthetic purposes is highly illogical.”

“Okay, Spock.”

“Furthermore I have never quite understood Terran fascination for moonlight. It is merely the reflection of light from the sun and there are no magical properties.”

Jim nodded wearily. “Okay, Spock.”

“Are you all right, Captain? You seem particularly out of sorts.”

“Just tired I guess. You can go back to doing whatever it was you were doing. Mission reports. Or-or, you know, socializing with Uhura.”

“Since you have just barely recovered from your recent engagement with Krall, I suspect you would benefit from additional respite.”

Jim sighed and stopped to lean against a pillar, gazing up at the artificial moonlight. “It’s just the last few hours of my birthday, I wanted a little walk. But I guess you’re right. Walking on Yorktown isn’t quite what it would be on Earth or some other similar planet.”

“What has happened to the doctor?”

And Jim tried not to think that Spock was attempting to push his pathetic captain off on Bones, but really, it did seem like that.

“Called away on a medical emergency. Really, Spock. It’s fine. You can go.”

Spock took half a step closer. “Does it hurt?”

Jim knew by the slight shift of Spock’s shoulders toward his eye that he meant his black eye. “Just a little. I’ve had worse. How about you? How do you feel?”

“I am fully recovered.”

“I doubt that.”

“I assure you, Captain, I am functioning at optimal levels.”

He smiled a little. “That’s good to know.” He paused. “I think…I’m procrastinating, of course.”

“Procrastinating?”

“I need to call my mother. Today isn’t only my birthday.”

“I understand,” Spock said with a sharp nod. “Unfortunately, it is not something I can assist you with, Captain.”

“Yeah, I know.” He moistened his lips. “She cries. Even after all this time.”

Spock said nothing to that, he just looked vaguely uncomfortable. And who could blame him? So was Jim.

“I will leave you to it.”

Jim nodded and watched as Spock, shoulders stiff, began to walk away, away from the fake moonlit path. “Spock?”

He stopped. Turned. “Yes, Captain?”

“We’re-we’re friends, right?”

“Indeed.”

“Because lately, I don’t know, we seem to have drifted away from that a little.”

“Perhaps,” Spock acknowledged. “I apologize for my part in distancing us.”

“No, it’s all right.” He straightened from the pillar. “Just…I really don’t want to be alone right now, so, do you think, even though it’s fake and all, you might just walk a little further with me?”

For a moment, Jim was sure Spock would refuse his pathetic, whiny request. But then he returned to Jim’s side.

Spock gestured to the path. “Shall we?”

Jim smiled and fell into place next to his first officer.

****

“Spock, have you seen Jim?” Dr. McCoy approached as Spock headed into a lift to go back toward where the captain’s party had been held.

“Yes, doctor, he just went to contact his mother,” Spock said.

McCoy frowned. “Oh. Well. I guess he’s going to want to be alone for that.” He stepped into the lift with Spock.

“The captain said you had a medical emergency?”

McCoy gave a dismissive snort. “Nah, it was nothing. Minor thing. Where you off to now? Back to the party? I think it’s still going on. Uhura’s there.”

Spock nodded. “Most likely that is where I will go.”

The lift opened and they got off.

“So, you two are back together then?”

“I am not quite certain,” Spock said honestly. “We have not had any meaningful discussion.”

“And what about New Vulcan? Changed your mind?”

“I have decided to stay with Starfleet.”

The doctor nodded. “Ever mention it to Jim?”

“I have not. Considering I have decided not to leave after all a discussion of that nature seemed moot.”

He smirked. “You were chicken.”

Spock raised a brow. “Doctor?”

“You were afraid of how he would react so you decided to avoid telling him.”

“I am hardly afraid of the captain.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. Anyway, I guess I’ll go back to the party too. Think Jim’ll be back?”

Spock considered their captain’s mood and shook his head. “Doubtful.”

“That’s too bad.” They turned toward the entrance of the party and entered the room.

****

Jim disconnected from his mother and held his head in his hands. No worse than usual, he guessed. Except that she had heard about his battle with Krall and spent a good deal of their time lecturing him on continuously endangering his life. Like he’d had a choice anyway.

He lowered his hands and glanced around his temporary quarters. They were pretty nice, really. Nicer than what he’d had on the Enterprise. They reminded him of a room he’d had on Risa a year or so ago when he’d been on shore leave. Except in that room there was a giant hot tub Jim had enjoyed very much with two Risian females and one Risian male. Was it a year ago or more? He couldn’t quite recall.

Jim stood up and his stomach roiled. “Fuck,” he groaned out loud. The room swam before his eyes. He’d obviously had more to drink than he realized. Usually it didn’t affect him this way. He took a couple of deep breaths, willing the weird pain in his stomach to go away and also the dizziness.

He took a step forward and landed on his knees. Sharply. Alcohol rose up, burning his esophagus. In the distance he heard the door to his room open.

“Bones?”

As far as he knew Bones was the only one who had access to his room here on Yorktown. And his best friend always had a sort of sixth sense when something was wrong with him.

“In here. I don’t feel so good.”

Someone appeared directly in front of him but with long, shapely feminine legs. Jim leaned back to look up at her but she was a blur. Her uniform was red.

“Who are you?” he managed to gasp out, around the burn in his throat. He was feeling worse and he was pretty sure he was about to vomit. ‘

She said something but it sounded all distorted and worbally.

“Help-help me.”

****

When next Jim woke, Yorktown’s day appeared to have started judging by the artificial light beaming into his room. He was in his bed, which was really odd, since he couldn’t recall how he got there. He stared up at the ceiling. His stomach no longer hurt but he still felt a little off.

He sat up, noticing for the first time he was not alone in the bed. A woman lay next to him, her blonde hair spread out all over the pillow like a fan. The sheet was pulled up to her bare shoulder. There was something familiar about her too.

What the fuck? He didn’t remember bringing anyone back to his room. But he also realized he had no clothes on, not even his boxer briefs, which he usually slept in. Jim had never blacked out after alcohol in his life.

“Um, Good morning?”

He put his hand on her shoulder and frowned when she felt ice cold. He shook her a little but nothing. No reaction. And his stomach suddenly felt sick again, this time with dread.

He lowered the sheet as he attempted to turn her over and that’s when he saw the dagger sticking through her chest, her green eyes staring straight ahead. Blood pooled under her where she’d lay.

“Christ!” Jim scrambled out of bed.

He did recognize her, too. Ensign Rogers from the enterprise. He thought her first name was Anel.

The door to his room chimed.

Before he had time to react, it chimed again and then again in quick succession. He heard voices outside the door and then it burst open. Jim grabbed a pillow to hold over his crotch.

Four Yorktown security guards burst inside, followed by the manager of the temporary quarters.

They all stared at Ensign Rogers lying dead in the bed.

“Captain Kirk?” one of them demanded.

“Yeah.”

“You’re going to have to come with us, sir.”

“Uh.”

“Get dressed, Captain. Now.”



Chapter 2: Familiarity

“Look, can I get dressed in the bathroom?” Jim asked as he continued to clutch the pillow in front of him. Normally he wasn’t particularly shy about his naked body, but under the circumstances—

One of the guards walked over to the bathroom and stepped inside, presumably to search it. For what? Weapons? A secret escape route? Jim was not stupid. He knew how this looked and he knew why they were staring at him with baleful glares.

“Looks like it’s clear,” the guard announced coming back out.

Jim nodded and did a quick search for his clothes. He saw the clothes the shirt he’d worn to the party but it was ripped to shreds.

A guard nearby took it from him. “Evidence. The pants too. Find something new to wear…sir.”

The derision in his tone was clear enough. Jim managed to slink over to the closet without exposing too much of himself.

“What-what brought you here anyway?”

“We got word of a disturbance in this room. A woman screaming during the night.” A guard turned to the manager. “When the crime scene people get in, let them in straight away.”

Jim chose his clothes and then scooped up his communicator.

“You can leave that here,” the guard who searched the bathroom stated flatly.

“I’m allowed to call someone, right? I’m going to notify my first officer.”

“No funny business, Captain.”

“I’m clearly unarmed,” Jim said with extreme patience. He was on the verge of a panic attack but he was holding it together. So far.

He went into the bathroom and left the door ajar, figuring it was the best thing to do with these guys. He’d chosen to wear his uniform and he dressed in it quickly.

Then he flipped open his communicator.

“Kirk to Spock.”

He loved how reliable Spock was.

“Spock here.”

“Spock, I’m in trouble.”

A slight pause.

“Jim?”

“There are guards here in my quarters and they’re-I think they’re arresting me. Ensign Rogers is dead. Found dead in my room.” Jim glanced at the door. “Stabbed.”

“Say nothing until I am there, Captain.”

“Spock—”

“Nothing. I am on my way. I will meet you there.”

****

“I suppose they’ve read you your rights.”

Jim stiffened at the familiar voice. His whole body suddenly chilled and he had to fight the urge to shake. He turned from the window he had been gazing out in the locked room they’d left him in at Yorktown HQ. Just before he’d been placed in there, he spotted Commodore Paris. Her look had been sympathetic.

He made himself speak calmly. “Gary.”

Gary Mitchell, rank of Commander, smiled at Jim, but it was not a pleasant smile even on his handsome face. “Hello, Jim. Long time no see.”

Well, that was certainly true. He had been spared Gary since his academy days.

“What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I’m in charge of the investigation into the murder of Ensign Rogers.”

“You’re stationed on Yorktown?”

“A recent event, but yes.” Gary crossed his arms and leaned against the nearest wall. “I have to say, Jim, I never expected you to be so sloppy. The evidence against you is overwhelming.”

“I didn’t kill her.”

“Oh, is that what you’re going with? I half expected you to go with you murdered her during a psychotic fugue.”

“Commander Mitchell.” Spock appeared in the doorway right behind Gary.

He turned with a thin smile. “I would have expected you to contact your lapdog.”

“Captain Kirk has been released into my custody,” Spock said coolly.

Gary straightened from the wall, his face turning red with anger. “Who the hell authorized that? I’m in charge of this investigation.”

“Commodore Paris, actually.”

Gary glanced toward Jim. “Your heroism in saving Yorktown won’t help you to get away with the rape and murder of an innocent young woman, Kirk.”

Jim barely refrained from blanching at the accusation of rape.

“Come, Captain,” Spock said.

“I still need to question him,” Gary said quickly.

“Which you will do when his attorney arrives,” Spock replied.

“You’ve already gotten him an attorney? Oh, you are good, Mister Spock.” Gary watched Jim walk past him to join Spock. “Who is his attorney?”

“Sarek.”

“Your father? The ambassador?” Gary asked incredulously. “He hasn’t practiced Federation law in decades.”

“Nevertheless he has kept his knowledge current.” Spock grabbed Jim’s arm and Jim was aware he was moving in a bit of a fog.  

Spock led him to the nearest lift and when Jim opened his mouth to speak, Spock shook his head. They reached the bottom floor and Spock, his hand still on Jim’s arm, led him out of the building and to the nearest transport.

Jim didn’t even try to speak on the way to the building that housed temporarily held the Enterprise. Once they got off the transport, Spock bypassed Jim’s room and took him instead to his own quarters.

Without a word, Jim went into the bathroom and threw up. When he had nothing left to get rid of, he sat on the floor of the bathroom, leaning against the shower.

When Spock appeared, Jim looked up at him. “I didn’t kill Anel Rogers.”

“Of course you did not.” Spock leaned down and handed Jim a cup of green tea. “Please drink.”

He took it automatically, and rather clung to it. “You believe me?”

Spock’s lips quirked slightly. “I did not need your denial to know you did not kill her. I am well aware you are not capable of such a thing.”

His throat closed up and he closed his eyes. “Thank you.” That Spock believed him. That he knew Jim was innocent—

“Your thanks are not necessary,” Spock said quietly. “I would like to coax you from the floor of the bathroom if I may.”

Jim nodded and handed him the tea and then allowed Spock to reach down to help him to stand. Without even thinking about it, he found himself leaning against Spock. And Spock did not move away.

“You will get through this, Captain.”

Jim shook his head. “You’re acting captain now, Spock. I’m definitely emotionally compromised.” He paused and desperately blinked any moisture away. “Not to mention, when they officially charge me…” 

He nearly lost it altogether when Spock’s arm came up around his back to hold him in place.    

“I don’t know where to go from here, Spock,” Jim admitted, selfishly leaning more into Spock’s embrace.

“When you are ready, you can tell me what you recall about last night.”

“Yeah. I guess that would be the next logical step.” He mumbled against Spock’s neck. “Is your dad really coming?”

“Indeed. He has already left New Vulcan.”

“Gary Fucking Mitchell. This is a nightmare.”

And when Spock’s hold on him tightened, Jim couldn’t stop a tear from leaking out of his eye. God, he really hadn’t known how badly he meant that he didn’t know what he would do without Spock.  



Chapter 3: Desperation

Jim was sure his Starfleet career was over. Hell, probably his entire life. Or his actual life. Perhaps he would be convicted and executed. Not that the Federation conducted executions, but he suspected anything was possible with Gary Mitchell in charge of the case against him.

He was seated across from Spock on a sofa in Spock’s temporary quarters. His hands were wrapped around the teacup Spock had given him, but he had yet to take a single sip. He wasn’t sure he could keep anything down.

“Did you go to a drinking establishment after we parted ways?” Spock asked.

“No. I just had the drinks at the birthday party.” Birthday. If Jim had hated that day before, he doubly hated it now. “When I got back here, I had a glass of water as I spoke with my mother.”

“There was no water glass in your quarters.”

“I’m not lying about that,” Jim said defensively.

Spock’s expression remained blank. “I am aware. I suspect those who have set you up had the water glass removed.”

Jim bit his lip and looked away. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“You owe no apology. It is likely the water was drugged. Tests upon your person will need to be done, however, with your recent expelling of the contents of your stomach, whatever illicit means they used may already be undetectable. And there is also the chance they used some method difficult to detect in the first place.”

“They’ve gone to a lot of trouble, haven’t they?”

Spock hesitated a brief second. “Yes.”

Jim buried his face in his hands. “I’m really screwed.”

“The situation is dire, however, you are not, in fact, screwed. You will be found innocent and your command will be restored.”

Jim pulled his face out of his hands and blew out a breath. “I contacted my mom, we spoke for maybe, twenty minutes or so, and then I went to stand up. My stomach felt queasy and I was dizzy as hell. I sort of recall thinking that I didn’t think I’d had that much to drink and then it started to hurt. Pretty bad. I kind of fell down and was on my knees. And I remember hearing someone accessing the door of my quarters. I thought maybe it was Bones come to check on me.”

“But it was not.”

“Yeah, it was…a woman. She wore a red Starfleet uniform dress.”

“Was it Ensign Rogers?”

“I don’t know,” Jim admitted. “I don’t think so, but I can’t say for sure.”

“What makes you think it was not her?”

“She had long legs like she was pretty tall. Anel Rogers was on the petite side. And Rogers had long blonde hair. This one, I think her hair was cut to lay just under her chin.” Jim shook his head. “But her features were blurry. I can’t be sure if I’d ever seen her before.”

“That is definitely important information. What else?”

“Not much,” Jim said. “I think I blacked out at that point and when I woke up I was in bed, naked, next to Rogers.”

“And she was deceased?”

“Yeah.” Jim swallowed. “Blood everywhere. Seemed like she’d been dead for a while because it was pooling under her and coagulating, drying even around the edges.”

Spock nodded.

“I barely had time to react because then they were coming in.”

“And they claimed they had reports of a woman screaming during the night?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Yet they did not appear at the alleged time of her screams but waited until morning. “

Jim frowned. “Is that significant?”

“It might be.” Spock reached over and took the teacup out of Jim’s hands and set it on the table next to the couch. “And there is nothing else?”

“No.”

“Do you recall when you last saw Ensign Rogers?”

“Honestly, no. She wasn’t at the party that I recall. I think I noticed her when we were doing the beam ups from Altamid, but only briefly.”

“Has there ever been a time when you engaged in sexual relations with her?” Spock asked quietly.

“No, never.”

“Very well. I think right now you should try to get some sleep until my father arrives. I am in contact with Doctor McCoy and he will likely arrive to do testing.”

Jim stood up and then and walked over to the window that looked out over one of the subway transports on Yorktown. “Sleep? I don’t know that I can.”

“The sleep you had was likely drug induced and therefore would not truly be restful. You are going to need your strength, Captain.”

It was funny how perfect timing can be. Spock’s PADD, which he had left on the dining room table, pinged. Jim didn’t even know where his was. Probably the guards who had taken him away had confiscated it.

Spock went over to his PADD and read the message. He frowned, which Jim knew wasn’t good.

“Bad news, huh?”

Spock set the PADD down. “You have been relieved of command of the Enterprise pending the outcome.”

Jim’s lips twisted into a grimace. “That’s not too surprising. But there’s more, isn’t there?”

Spock looked reluctant to respond but after a moment, he nodded. “I have been told to report as Captain of the Enterprise and to distance myself from the investigation.”

Jim looked away. “I see.”

“I am refusing, Captain.”

“Jim,” he said softly. “And you should do what they say, Spock. This is your career on the line.”

“There are some things that are worth more than careers.” Spock stepped over to the window where Jim stood. “I cannot distance myself from this.”

“Spock, they can make you.”

“Then I will resign.”

So this situation was not only going to ruin Jim but Spock as well. Not to mention whoever was out to get him had taken the life of an innocent woman. Someone hated him badly. He’d made enemies. He understood that.

“I-I have contacts that could make me disappear.”

Spock’s eyes widened. “Jim—”

He held up his hand. “I’d go away from Yorktown and never be heard from again. They’d absorb me into their organization. And no one would be able to find me.”

“How is it you know such people?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I do not want to lose you in this manner.”

“I can’t…if this all plays out like I think it will, I’ll be going to prison for whatever is left of my life. It won’t be pleasant. Someone like me, probably with what fame I have, I’d likely be facing solitary confinement.” He resisted a shudder. “At best. Ceasing to be James Kirk and disappearing into the network is preferable to that.”

Spock moved fractionally closer. “Please allow me the opportunity to clear your name and have you reinstated to your rightful command before you consider such a means of escape.”

“Spock, I—”

“Please. I do not ask lightly.”

Jim closed his eyes briefly and when he opened his eyes his breath caught at the intensity of Spock’s gaze. “Okay.”

And he wasn’t even sure what made him do what he did next. Maybe it was the way Spock was looking at him, maybe it was just the utter desperation and desolation he felt, and the thought that either scenario he’d thought of, he would never see Spock again. But he stepped very close to Spock, fisted Spock’s dress uniform and sealed his lips over the clearly startled Vulcan.  

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