Sometimes I ask for death. Not in front of Spock. That would be too much. Too cruel. But to myself. I didn’t think I would have to face this.

And now I am.

Would it have been better to be lost during a mission saving others as the other Kirk was? I sometimes think…

“Jim?”

Judging by the edge of panic I detected in Spock’s voice he was concerned again. I must have spaced out.

Space.

I missed it.

I smiled, didn’t know if it was forced. No longer cared really. I squeezed his hand. “Right here, Spock.”