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The Love of a Lifetime, August 07, 2018

I tensed, expecting his rejection. For a moment he simply stared at me. My heart was beating fast.

Then he leaned over and kissed me on the mouth. I felt the touch of his tongue pressing against the seam of my lips and I parted them to allow him entry.

After a while, I pushed gently away from him, my gaze seeking his.

“Yes?”

His answer was to unbutton the pajama shirt I wore, which sped up my heart beat even more. Filled with joy I had not felt in a long time, I helped him with the removal of my clothes and then his, sliding his robe from his shoulders and exposing his bare skin everywhere.

He reached for the lubricant and prepared me with his usual expertise.

“Remember our first time?”

“I remember every time,” he assured me, kissing me, and gently pushing into me. He stopped for a moment, his dark eyes intense. “Do you?”

I smiled. “It was right after that Orion bitch tried to abduct me again.”

His relief and love flooded our bond and he began to thrust inside me with an aching slowness, but they were powerful and deep.

He put his hand on my face, spreading his fingers across my face. His other hand grasped my erection, curling around the shaft and pumping me.

“Spock,” I groaned.

It was incredible and it had been so long that neither of us could last long.

“T’hy’la.”

I felt him shake and shudder inside me, releasing his fluid inside me and soon I had cum, too, coating his hand and my stomach.

He moved off the bed then, returning with a warm, damp cloth to clean us. Then he helped me back into my pajamas before redressing himself.

“Thank you,” I murmured as he drew me close.

“You do not need to thank me for making love to you, adun. It is always my great pleasure.”

I nodded and closed my eyes, feeling very tired and sated.

“Yes, darling. Sleep. It is a big day tomorrow.”

The Love of a Lifetime, August 03 2018

Spock eventually finished meditating and he rose from his mat with a graceful ease I very much envied. Vulcans really were superior.

He turned toward me with a little half smile. “You are staring rather than reading, T’hy’la.”

“Yeah, sorry. Watching you is a lot more interesting.”

I watched him then make his last minute preparations to join me in bed. We weren’t intimate much anymore and I wasn’t even sure why. I wanted to be but I suppose my condition made the appeal of it wane for Spock.

He pulled aside the covers and got in beside me, reaching his fingers out for mine. I touched them.

“Hey, we could…”

“What, Jim?”

I licked my lips. “With Suvoc coming we won’t have any opportunities and I was thinking…” I trailed off, feeling embarrassed.

“You were think?” Spock prompted.

“We could make love.”

I’m At It Again…Sorry

Damn it I am at it again!

You’ve probably seen by now that I started a new fic called False Memories. I honestly was starting a one-shot and then it got me thinking it deserved more than one chapter and well…

I am really going to try to keep it down on the short side 2 maybe 3 chapters.

 

The Love of a Lifetime, 07/31/2018

Later in bed, I watched Spock meditate in the little area of our bedroom he preferred to use in the evening. He had a whole room devoted to it in the rest of the apartment, but at night he preferred to meditate near me, to monitor me I supposed. Though I think that had been the case for a while.

His usual meditation room would have to be changed over to Suvoc’s room for the moment anyway.

I had a book in front of me, pretending to read, because I didn’t get much pleasure out of these days. It was difficult to process and concentrate on the words now and I seldom retained the memory of what I read. I don’t think I fooled Spock either. But in the old days, before all this, when he meditated, I would read.

I loved Spock more each day and I had every day since I met him all those years ago in the…back when I met him. A long time ago.

Updates and Rambles, July 26, 2018

Okay so where are we at now?

I updated Idiots in Love earlier this week. More people are on Jim’s side than I thought would be the case. Interesting.

And got up the first chapter of My Heart’s a Virgin, It’s Never Been Tried (thank you Alice Cooper). I’m going to have fun updating this one soon.

And just now I posted the 18th chapter of Anything. I loved writing this chapter. It made me get teary-eyed. This Jim, my beloved Kelvin Jim, so deserved that chapter. I hope you will agree. I figure I have about two chapters left. One where Sunny Kirk and his Spock have their reunion and then a wrap up chapter where everyone is back in their own universe and content.

I do apologize but the next part of The Love of a Lifetime will not be up tomorrow. I hope to have it up Saturday. Just got busy doing other things.

I also have not gotten to When I Loved You as I decided to update Anything instead. So hopefully early next week for that as well as Didn’t We Almost Have it All. This is the Mother 92 weekend. So I will do what I can do. Next weekend is Solvang so that’s even busier.

I’m up to about 35 pounds weight loss so go me!

That’s the update for now.

Just Messing Around Again

This may or may not turn into something but I’m putting it out there. And yeah, angst. 

I was shaken awake not very gently. I blinked rapidly at my aggressor. A shuttle crewman who now gazed at me rather sheepishly.

“Sorry, Admiral. But we’ve reached our destination.”

I blinked again and shook my head to get my bearings. “New Vulcan?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Didn’t we just leave?”

But of course he gave me a sympathetic look. One of those ‘poor old people’ looks.

“No, sir. You fell asleep shortly after take-off. If you need a wheelchair or other assistance disembarking, I’ll-”

“Forget it. I don’t need help,” I snapped at him.

“Sorry, sir.” And he moved off.

I supposed I should feel bad for snapping at him. But, hell, I wasn’t that old. Or was I?

My bones and limbs told me otherwise as I stiffly struggled out of the seat. I had to hold onto a bar as I did so and my muscles cried out in protest. I winced at the pain and took several deep breaths before I could will myself to move toward the exit.

Everyone else seemed to have departed already, judging by the crew members hovering by the door, both the one who had awakened me and a female with ensign uniform.

“Business or pleasure, Admiral?” she asked politely. There was something about the ears, slightly pointed, and the eyebrows. I suspected she had some Vulcan in her, though I did not know her.

“Not pleasure,” I replied. “Nor business. A death. I’m here for a funeral.”

“I’m sorry, sir.” She hesitated. “Ambassador Sarek’s?”

“Yes.” I searched her face once more but no, I could not place it. Her. Where she came from. “Thanks for the smooth ride.”

I made my way down the ramp, slower than I used to be able to do, but I didn’t need to stop to rest on the way, so I considered that a win.

A young Vulcan male stood to the side when I reached the end but then he approached me. “Admiral Kirk.” He made it a statement rather than a question.

“Yeah.”

“I am Saulvek, son of Spock.”

I nodded. “Sarek was your grandfather. I grieve with thee.”

“I have been asked to escort you to accommodations, sir.”

He looked a little like Spock but also like Spock’s wife, T’Lure, the Vulcan female he had bonded with after our second five year mission. Saulvek had been the result of their union. I had been at their bonding ceremony together with Bones, Scotty, Uhura, and Sulu. Scotty and Uhura would marry shortly after that.

During that five year mission, Spock and Uhura had ended their romantic relationship for good and then later, Spock had arranged, through his father, the bond with T’Lure so that he could finally help with the repopulation efforts of their species.

I had not seen Spock for a number of years. Not since T’Lure’s funeral ten years earlier.

Saulvek reached out a hand as though to help me but I batted him away. “I am capable of walking.”

“I thought only of the excessive heat.”

“Lead the way.”

It was strange being back here. The old hollow pain in my chest was almost immediate when I stepped off the shuttle. Or perhaps it had started when I got the missive about Sarek.

We went down several roads and pathways before he finally stopped in front of a modest dwelling. I recognized it. Spock had been living there for quite a while.

“How old are you now, Saulvek?”

“Eighteen.”

God, I could barely remember that age. That boy I was.

Saulvek opened the door with a wave of his hand and gestured for me to go inside. It was much cooler inside though still significantly warmer than I was used to back home.

“Sa-mekh?” he called. “Admiral Kirk is here.”

I braced myself for the sight of the man, the Vulcan, I had loved almost my whole life, and never had. Loving someone who did not love you back was the worst torture.

Spock appeared only a moment later, dressed in the traditional Vulcan robes he always wore now, I supposed. His glance rested on me for only a moment before he turned to his son.

“Thank you, I will see you later.”

Saulvek bowed, taking this as his dismissal, and he turned and went out the door again to the outside.

For a moment we merely stared at each other. I broke first.

“I grieve with thee.”

He nodded. “I have your room ready here, if you’d like to come with your bag.”

I made my way across the floor to where he stood. Or I almost did. My knee decided to be a bitch and give out just as I reached him.

“Oomph.” I crashed right into Spock, who, as usual was steady and prevented me from going down. I breathed out and winced at the pain.

“Are you all right?”

“Obviously not.” I reached down and rubbed the offending knee. “God, that hurt.”

He hesitated. Still held on to me too. “What is the nature of the ailment?”

“Old injuries from when were young. Arthritis.”

“I will help you.” He did, too, refusing to let go of my arm as he led me down a short hallway to a room.

“You know, I really didn’t expect you to put me up at your house. A hotel would have been fine.”

“To have you stay at a hotel would have been scandalous. My father would have felt the same.” He picked up my bag and brought it to the bed. “There is an attached bathroom, as well.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

He hesitated in the doorway rather than leaving right away.

“Was there something else?”

“You-you look well.”

I shrugged. “Khan’s blood. Made the aging process slow down a bit. Except for these damn aches and pains, anyway.” I smiled. “And tell that to the shuttle crew.”

“The shuttle crew?”
“I think they thought I was an octogenarian or something.” I paused, looking him over. Though he was older than me by a few years, at this point he looked younger. Damn Vulcans. Handsome and fit. Hair without even a little gray. I felt like an old fool. In my early sixties or not. “You look amazing.”

At that he inclined his head. “When you are settled, come out for refreshments.”

“All right.”

As soon as he left, I sagged down upon the bed, exhausted.

The Love of a Lifetime, July 24, 2018

“Please.” Spock’s eyes were pleading. “Do not.”

“Spock, baby, I’m not trying to upset you.”

“But you are. Every time you bring this up it pains me greatly. As a Vulcan, you are my mate, my husband, my link to everything, until one of us dies. Asking me to put you away in some cold, stark, lonely place is like asking me cut off a piece of me.”

“I thought Vulcans didn’t do dramatics.”

“Jim. Please. My control is not what it once was and I—”

He turned away but not before I saw that his eyes were filling with tears. And just like that I felt like the biggest asshole in the universe making my Vulcan husband cry.

“Oh, Spock, honey, I’m sorry.” I went to him then, putting my arms around him. He hugged me back fiercely. “You win, babe. We won’t be separated. Ever.”

Bonding (Chapter Two)

 

The place looked pretty much the same since I’d last seen it. From the outside anyway. I know Mom had made some changes inside, as she’d told me during one of our conversations a few months back.

The farmhouse had belonged to Mom’s parents. Dad had never lived in it. Mom inherited it after her folks had died and that was after Dad was killed. During Mom’s marriage to Frank, he had decided it belonged to him. I recalled many times when he referred to it as “my house”.

While I was gone, on Tarsus IV, Frank had a massive heart attack in the yard here by the barn. He didn’t die then, but he became incapacitated, and Mom had placed him in a care facility for the remainder of his days located in Sioux City. I had never visited him there. Shortly after our battle with Khan, Frank finally left this world. Neither Mom nor I mourned.

“Everything looks the same from here,” I commented.

“It definitely is out here. I thought about changing around the back porch a little, maybe covering it or something, but haven’t gotten around to it.”

I smiled faintly. When I came back from Tarsus, Mom and I spent an evening out there on that porch, smoking cigars of all things. It was an effort at bonding. It mostly worked, I think. “I can probably help you with that while I’m here.”

I figured unless Starfleet bugged me, I’d stick around Riverside with Mom until the Enterprise was ready.

“Maybe the three of us together,” she said, as she led the way up from the car to the side door. We’d never used the front door as long as I remembered. It was a big monstrosity of a door facing out toward a group of thick trees. It was always kept locked. Nobody that ever came to the house came that way either, as if by some kind of mutual agreement.

She flicked on an old fashioned switch when we stepped inside. The first thing I noticed was that she’d put in hardwood floors throughout the first floor and one of those big fact cooking islands with a granite top in the kitchen. She’d redone the cabinets too.

“Looks really good.”

She flushed with pride. “Took me forever but I got it done.”

She had reason for her pride, too, for I knew she’d done the work herself. Once Frank was out of our lives, Mom had determined she would be man free for the rest of her life and quite self-sufficient. I was proud of her accomplishments and amazed at her talent.

“You can stay in your old room,” she said then. “Why don’t you go up and get settled and do whatever you need to do. I’ll make a pot of coffee and you can just come down when you’re ready.”

“Great. Thanks, Mom.”

“Jim.”

I turned back around to look at her. She was smiling, a little strained.

“I guess I wanted to say that just because Spock doesn’t love you, it doesn’t mean you’re not worthy. You’re the best person I’ve ever known. Brave and smart and strong. You’ve saved so many people and you’re worth so much.”

“Mom—”

“And you’re cute besides.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Really, really cute.”

“Okay.”

“You’re worth everything, Jim.”

“You have to say that because you’re my mom.”

“Jim—”

“I’m kidding. I’m all right, Mom. I’ll get over Spock. I’ll get over this. Because I have to. And I want to. It might take some time, but I will.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

I went up the stairs two at a time and then down the hallway to the last room. The minute I pushed the door open I saw she’d made changes here too. The wood floors had been installed here and there was a big fluffy throw rug dotted with the night sky and the stars. It ran from under the bed all the way to the dresser. It made me smile.

She’d also put in a half bath attached to the room with a toilet and a sink. I’d still have to go down the hall to shower, but this was definitely nice.

I flung my suitcase up on to the bed and unzipped it to unpack. I took out my PADD first to send a message to Bones, per my instructions.

I made it. Not that there was ever any doubt! Mom picked me up and I’m unpacking now. She promises me all my favorites for dinner. She must really think I’m pathetic. Only thought about Sp…you know what? Never mind. King of Wishful Thinking and all that. Hope things are all right with you there and that Jo gave you a great big kiss and hug. Love you, Jim.  

Wasn’t even sure why I added that last bit. But whatever. Hit send.

I put the PADD away and then stuffed my clothes into the drawers and hung up some in the closet. Took a leak in the bathroom too.

Then I went over to the window and looked out. Leaning against the glass, I watched the trees and other foliage move in the wind. I could feel the tears threatening but I determinedly pushed them away. Wondered what time it was on New Vulcan and if Spock and Uhura were having dinner with Sarek, all cozy and all.

“Who cares? I don’t.”

I left the room then and went down to have coffee with Mom.

Bonding (Chapter 1)

Hello there. I have decided to start a new Blog Fic. Eventually, probably, it will make it to AO3, when much further along than it is now. It’s going to be very angsty to start with, so fair warning. This is a first person fic, in Jim’s POV, since I am a Jimmer.  I will post chapters as I write them, no particular day. Without further ado, here’s the first chapter.

INTRO_ChrisPine

Today all hope is lost.

Not that I ever really had any. I learned long ago that hope was for others whose last names weren’t Kirk.

Today Spock came to me to advise his commanding officer that he and Uhura were planning on officially bonding on New Vulcan prior to the launch of the new Enterprise.

They had reconciled after the events of Altamid and their connection was now deeper than ever.

I wished them well and declined to attend the intimate ceremony, advising that I had plans of my own, spending time with my mother in Riverside.

I departed on the next transport ship leaving Yorktown for Earth.

Bones had joined me, not with the intention of going to Iowa, but to make his own uncomfortable journey of spending time with his daughter in Georgia. We were both solemn and quiet.

We departed each other’s company, temporarily, in San Francisco. He would continue on to Savannah on a shuttle and I would continue on to Riverside. If he noticed I held on to him a little longer than I should have, he didn’t comment on it. With promises of keeping in touch, I got on the shuttle without looking back.

I typed a message to Mom, letting her know I was on my way, and she responded right away that she would pick me up. I slept on the shuttle, because there was nothing to do but drink or sleep, and my mood was too despondent to drink.

True to her word, she was waiting for me when I got off the shuttle. She looked good. Much better than the last time I had seen her. Less haggard and tired. She’d lost weight and even wore some makeup.

“Hello, darling,” she greeted me, pulling me into her soft embrace. And it was then that I couldn’t help it, couldn’t keep it in even one minute more. The tears fell. “Oh, Jim. It’ll be all right.”

I nodded and pulled back, wiping my eyes.

She smiled. “I have all your favorites planned for dinner. All homemade. None of this replicated crap.”

“You didn’t have to do all that,” I mock protested. Because I was glad she had and we both knew it.

She linked her arm in mine as we left the shuttle bay for her hover car.

“I have another surprise for you.”

“Uh-oh.”

“It isn’t bad,” she assured me. “Or I don’t think it is. Sam’s coming at the end of the week.”

My steps faltered. “Sam?”

Mom bit her lip. “I know you haven’t seen him since—”

“He took off and left me alone with Frank when I was thirteen,” I said. “Yeah, trust me, Mom. I know.”

“I want us to reconnect as a family again, Jim. Franks gone, thankfully, and you and I both have time, you before you go back out on the new Enterprise, and when Sam mentioned wanting to see us, how could I say no?”

“I could have.”

“Jim.” She said his name softly, sadly, and what else could he do but give in?

“Okay. I’ll try, Mom.”

She hugged him again and then grabbed his hand, pulling him to their hover car.

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