Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings



Star Trek Day Flash

I didn’t think about writing anything for “Star Trek Day” September 8th until the night before so forgive me for this extremely rough short flash.

Spock hears the approach of Doctor McCoy, but he does not turn around. He suspects the doctor had been sent ahead to tell him the news about Spock’s husband. There is still so little they know to presume that he would not know. The instant he had been torn from the Enterprise Spock knew.


McCoy’s voice is rough, hoarse, torn asunder with grief. Spock manages not to wince.

Spock’s silence encourages the doctor to continue though that was not Spock’s intention.


Spock closes his eyes from the sight of the city lights outside their…his…apartment window. He straightens though he does not turn around.

“I know, Leonard.”

“Spock, Jim…”

“I know,” Spock says again.

“How? Who told you?” There are tears in McCoy’s voice. It sounds thick and unsteady.

“No one.”


He wants to sigh, but knows it is inappropriate under the circumstances. “The bond severed upon his–demise.”

Silence greets his words and though Spock still does not turn around it seems like an uneasy, stunned silence. Perhaps he imagines it. He is aware that McCoy does not fully understand the connection he has–had–with Jim.

“I’m sorry.”

So is Spock but he cannot make the words form let alone have them fall from his lips. He manages not to show that he is shaking. Or at least he believes he does.

“What do you need?”

“To be alone.”

McCoy is quiet though Spock knows he has not left. Then there is a hand placed on his shoulder and Spock cannot stop the flinch. Doesn’t try.

“I’ll leave you be then.” A long pause. “For now.”

He hears the apartment door open and close and then the fading of McCoy’s footsteps as he walks away to leave Spock alone.

Spock clenches his fists and curses Jim for dying.

I am soooooo sorry for this.

Flash Fic, August 28, 2020


Spock found Jim sitting on the porch of his Riverside farmhouse at nearly eight-thirty at night. The sun was setting, as it was August, and nearly the end of their leave. Time to return to San Francisco and HQ soon enough. He was aware that Jim did not really look forward to it as he once did. They were older now and Jim spoke of retirement more than he used to.

Jim gave him a weary smile.

“Finish the dishes? Sorry, I meant to go in.”

Spock lowered himself into a chair beside his husband.

“It is fine. I did not mind doing it.”

Jim nodded, staring out into the yard. “Would you mind so much if we came here to live after we retire?”

Spock was aware that for Jim, Riverside was home. Outside of the Enterprise, which was no longer theirs to call it that way. For Spock, wherever Jim was, was home. It had taken him a long time to discover this, to admit to it, too long. But now he knew, now he accepted.

“I would offer no objections.”

Jim smiled. “Good. I like the idea of us living here, arguing over whose going to do the dishes that night…”

“I would not argue. I would do them willingly.”

“I know. But you get what I mean.” Jim continued to smile faintly, then he looked from the yard to Spock. “Or we could retire to Vulcan, if you’d rather.”

Spock did not say it, but he knew, there would be plenty of time, likely, for him to live on Vulcan once Jim passed away. Unless some odd tragedy occurred, Spock would outlive Jim by a good many years. It was not outside the realm of possibility, of course. After all, Spock had died once already.  

“No, living here will be acceptable,” Spock replied. He put his hand out toward Jim who met Spock’s hand with his own, their fingers touching as they did, as once, long ago, when Spock’s mother still lived, she did with Sarek.

“I love summer,” Jim spoke after a few minutes. “Summer nights especially. Out here, anyway. You can see stars for miles and miles around. This…this I grew up with.”

“And made you wish to live among those very stars.”

Jim nodded. “Yep. Never imagined then that I’d meet someone like you, and you’d change every aspect of my life.”

Spock thought about all those years in the past when last he’d seen Michael and her words to him.  

 “As you have changed mine.”

Flash Fic, July 27, 2020

This one is a revisit of the TOS OMS in Every Hour Has Come to This

Jim slept in these days. More than he used to.

He remembered a time when he was up before the sun, and then with the sun, and often before his husband, Spock. But those days had faded away now. And often he woke long after the sun and his husband rose.

This time he got out of bed mostly because he was hot and sweaty. This promised to be a scorcher of a day. Not that surprising in July.

But it made for uncomfortable sleeping.

He went into the bathroom, peed, and then turned on the shower. He made it warm, because he didn’t particularly care for cool showers, even in summer.

Jim smiled to himself as he soaped up. Just yesterday they’d been in the main town doing their usual shopping and Spock had made rather derisive remarks about the store’s advertisement.

“Christmas in July.”

“It’s a gimmick, Spock.”


They’d passed by the display of fake snow, gnomes, and garlands. Later, Jim considered going back for one of the gnomes he’d thought was kind of cute, but he never got back over to the display.

He did pick up some gingerbread cookies, though. Since he’d gotten older, he’d developed a terrible sweet tooth.

After his shower, Jim put on some loose fitting pants, that sweet tooth did not help his waistline, and a T-shirt. No flannel in July, thank you very much.

He made his way down the stairs, using the bannister more than he used to, of course.

Spock was putzing around the kitchen. In a few days, Spock would be leaving for three weeks to attend to the duties that surrounded his ambassadorship. Jim didn’t look forward to it. He could handle the time alone, but yeah, he’d miss Spock. A lot.

As he approached the kitchen he spotted something on the dining room table.

His mouth broke out into a huge grin.


It was the ridiculously cute gnome he’d considered at the store, sitting on the table next to Jim’s coffee cup.

Spock turned and arched a brow. “A poor substitute for my company for three weeks, but…”

Jim came to him and gave him a big kiss. “Still. I love you. Thank you.”

“You are welcome Jim.”

Flash Fic 04/22/2020

“Can we get a dog?”


“Ah, come on, Spock,” Jim whined as they walked along the streets heading for their newly acquired apartment. “That dog we just saw was so damn cute.”

“Jim, we’ll be living in a high-rise apartment, a dog needs…”

“I’ll walk him. Like four times a day.” Jim paused. “Or her.”

“And when will you find time for that?” Spock asked wryly.

“I’m semi-retired.”

“Emphasis on the semi. Jim, I will be spending the better part of my days acting as an instructor at the academy and you will be working at HQ. You know there will be demands on your time.”

“I’ll hire a dog walker for those times we can’t walk the dog.”

Spock stopped, turned to Jim, and sighed. “You are very difficult to deal with when you are determined.”

Jim smiled. “You just figured that out after all this time, honey?”

“You do try my patience.”

“That’s why you adore me so.”

Spock’s lips twitched. “I adore you in spite of it.”

“Says you. So? Can we get the dog?”

“I do not know why you ask me when you have already made up your mind.”

“It gives me emotional security. Come on. Let’s go get that dog.”

Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah


Kirk had not really grown up with much religion. His mother had told him about several and encouraged him to investigate them and their beliefs as he saw fit, but he really hadn’t delved too much into it.

He knew a lot from reading, of course. And being a fan of Dickens, he’d read A Christmas Carol a time or two.

By the time he had become a young man in Starfleet he didn’t give much thought to any of it. His mind had been on other things.

Even when they’d been on the planet in system 892, it had taken Uhura to correct his perception that the inhabitants were “sun” worshipers when in fact they had worshipped the “Son of God”.

Even after he and Spock had bonded, retired for the most part, and settled at his family’s old farmhouse in Riverside, Iowa, Kirk didn’t give it much thought.

When he’d been captain of the Enterprise, the ship had festive events surrounding the holiday season. He’d participated in those he thought he should and excused himself from those he thought he could get away with.

To his knowledge, Spock had participated even less than he had, though Kirk knew that Spock had been very private before they’d fallen in love and bonded. Even now, there was so much about his husband he didn’t really know.

So when he came down rather late for breakfast one December morning, he was surprised to see Spock performing a ceremony with candles, and chanting in a language unfamiliar to him.


“Good morning, Jim.” An eyebrow shot up. “Or rather, Good afternoon.”

Jim smiled sheepishly. He’d been feeling a bit under the weather lately, plus he seemed to need more sleep the older he got. “Morning.” He snagged a cinnamon roll from a basket of them and tore off a hunk.

“What are you doing? Jewish, right?”

“Affirmative. As you are aware, ashal-veh, my mother was Jewish.”

“Sure. But I was unaware she was practicing,” Kirk admitted, feeling embarrassed. He should know this.

“When she was able to, she did. My father of course preferred the Vulcan way and discouraged her from sharing much of it with me. But when I was very young, she would celebrate Hanukah with me. Even give me small gifts.”

Kirk frowned. “Why didn’t I know this? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There was no reason you would know nor a reason for me to tell you,” Spock replied. “I have not observed it myself for many years, but with the recent death of my mother, I find myself thinking of her and of it.”

He moved closer to Spock, surveying the candles. “And you’ve had these all this time?”

“Negative. My father presented me with them after her death when you and I were on Vulcan. He saw no purpose in keeping them.”

Kirk met Spock’s gaze. “He really is never going to be warm and fuzzy is he?”

“You know the answer to that.”

“Yeah. I mean things can’t really take the place of the person we lost, I get that, but it’s…nice to have something, you know?”

Spock nodded. “I know. She used to sing songs too. One was ‘Hanukah, Oh Hanukah’.

Kirk searched his memory, trying to remember the song. He shook his head. “Can you sing it?”

For a moment, Spock simply stared at him. But then very softly he sang,

O Hanukah O Hanukah, Come light the menorah

Let’s have a party, we’ll all dance the hora!

Gather round the table, we’ll give you a treat

Driedels to play with & latkes to eat

and while we are playing, the candles are burning low

One for each night, they shed a sweet light, to remind us of days long ago      

Kirk hugged Spock. “Thank you for sharing that with me. Your mom with me. I’m very glad I got to know her.”

“Me too.” Spock lit a candle.     

Latke Recipe

White Christmas


“I want to go to Riverside for December.”

Spock paused in reading the missive he’d been sent by the Federation. He glanced up from his PADD. “What was that, Jim?’

He had, of course, heard what Jim said, but he was still having trouble processing the idea. Iowa was cold in December and sometimes even had…

“Snow, Spock.”

He stared at his husband.

Who smiled.

Jim sat in his favorite chair, sipping at a glass of brandy in front of a fire in their San Francisco apartment. It was November and to Spock it seemed pleasantly cozy there without having to add something like cold and frost in Iowa.

“I do not understand.”

“Of course you do.”

Of course he did. He knew what Jim said. OF course. But that didn’t mean he agreed with the idea.

“My ambassadorial duties…”

“Can be done from the farmhouse. You aren’t due to go off for any conferences or meetings until after the first of the year, Spock.”


“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. Like the ones I grew up with.”

Spock opened his mouth.

“The trees glisten with that white stuff. Like sparkling diamonds.”

“The temperature drops to freezing,” Spock said dryly.

Jim chuckled. “Yeah. Yeah, it does. Sweetheart, you don’t ever have to leave the house if you don’t want to. I’ll happily pamper you and allow you to take up the sofa wrapped in luxurious blankets and sipping tea and eating sugar cookies as you please.”

Spock had to admit that did sound rather nice.  Perhaps his little Vulcan heart was melting to the idea.

He opened his mouth.

“We leave in the morning.”


Jim smiled slyly and sipped his brandy. “I figured you’d agree. It’ll be great, Spock. You’ll love it. And I’ll take care of all the outdoor stuff. Firewood, shoveling snow, whatever.”

Spock inwardly sighed. “Very well, Jim.”

“Thank you. You’re the best.”

He shook his head and went back to his missive, but he could not concentrate, and instead got up to pack whatever passed for warm clothes in his wardrobe. He packed for Jim too.   

Try to Remember

More OMS

Though there was much Spock did not recall about his previous life still, he was beginning to remember larger pieces, thanks in part to melds with Jim as well as ‘reminder’ stories from Jim and others, including Spock’s parents.

And though Jim seemed more reluctant to travel these days, he still accompanied Spock on a trip back to his home planet of Vulcan.

Spock had relayed that Jim did not have to accompany him if he preferred not to, but Jim had balked at that, getting that look on his face that was a cross between disappointment, resignation, irritation, and indulgence. Spock didn’t know anyone else who wore that expression, but it seemed to be a favorite of Jim’s.

“No,” Jim had said. “I’m coming.”

Spock was glad, though, because he’d had no particular fondness for making the trip by himself. It was reported that his mother was not well and might not live much longer. Having Jim by his side was desirable under those circumstances, but he would rather Jim was comfortable than not, which was why he did say that Jim could avoid it if desired.

Jim was quiet on the shuttle ride there, and though Spock was not entirely certain, given his patchy memory, he suspected that was not usual for him.

“You are pensive,” he finally said.

Jim glanced at him, a small toothless smile appearing. “Am I? I don’t mean to be.”

Spock hesitated. “If your preference was to stay in San Francisco, I would have made no objection.”

Jim shook his head. “Not at all. I’m just…my parents have already passed on, and now, maybe your mother.”


Jim shrugged. “Makes me think more about…mortality, I suppose.”

“You fear death?”

The smile grew crooked. “It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

“Marcus Aurelius.”

“Yes,” Jim said, seeming surprised Spock could remember that.

Spock supposed it was surprising. “I do not think you need to worry about a life not well-lived, Jim.”

“Perhaps not. Anyway, I know that I will die alone.”

“And how do you know this?”

“A feeling.”

Spock wondered where he himself would be that Jim would die alone, but decided not to dwell on this rather morbid declaration at this time. There we other considerations.

“Likewise, I do not think that my mother has any regrets for the life she has led.”

“No,” Jim agreed. “I imagine not. Still, when she does pass, I’m not sure how your dad will handle it.”

“I suppose he will handle it like a Vulcan.”

Jim snorted at that, though Spock did not know why. “How about you, Spock? Will you be all right?”

“One expects one’s parent to die before them.”

Jim sighed. He got that look again. “Yeah I know.”

There was no one else around them on the shuttle and Spock found himself reaching over to take Jim’s hand. Jim glanced at him in surprise, but he willingly took Spock’s hand in his.

“If you are by my side, T’hy’la, I can handle anything.”

Jim swallowed, nodded, and squeezed Spock’s hands. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. Thank you, Spock. And I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. Not without you.”

“Good. Then we are agreed. And whatever we face on Vulcan, it will be together.”


Jim leaned against him then and fell asleep and though there was much that was still lost to Spock, this-this was not. And he was filled with gratitude.  

And the next part, Love of a Lifetime

I am hoping to end this in the very near future. By tomorrow, I hope. But here is the next part. I think there will be only one more part, probably a little longer than these last two have been.

This, too, when it is finished, will conclude the whole series at last, which began in 2013. You get to read the end here first, before I post it on A03, as my special friends. Thank you.

Though Suvoc wanted to take Jim to the healers immediately, Spock knew that Jim would need some food and rest before facing another ordeal. And Spock knew with the disease that ravaged Jim’s mind, any deviation, any change, anything really, could prove too much for his fragile mate.

So they first settled in where they would be staying, Sarek’s old house, for Sarek had been gone for years now, himself, and where Suvoc and Ronan now lived when they were on New Vulcan.

It occurred to Spock to wonder at what point it could be simply called Vulcan, as there was only the one Vulcan now, though it would never be the true Vulcan, his true homeland, of his youth, of his people, his ancestors.

When Spock presented Jim with a bowl of freshly made Plomeek soup, Jim stared down at it. “Do I like it?”

“Yes, Jim. Over the years you have expressed a fondness for it.”

Jim nodded and scooped up a spoonful.

Spock moved over to where Suvoc hovered. Ronan had left them alone to spend time together.

“How did you manage to get him back so quickly to himself?” Spock asked.

“When I touched him, I made contact with his skin, under his shirt, and connected our minds,” Suvoc replied.

Spock exhaled. “That is my method. But there is a time, when it will likely not be enough.”

“I believe such a time will not come, Sa-Mekh.”

“Hope is a dangerous and most illogical desire.”

“And yet, at times, it is all we have,” Suvoc replied. “As you, yourself, have experienced.”

“If this does not work—”

“It will.”

“If it does not.” Spock stopped, shook his head. “Jim and I made a lot of promises to each other in our youth, Suvoc. To not honor them, is to dishonor both of us.”


“In a way, I am pleased you are newly bonded and are building a life with Ronan. It will make things easier.”

Suvoc shook his head. “You speak darkness.”

“The darkness would be the rest of my days without him.”

“I know of your great affection for Father, but—”

“It goes well beyond mere affection. We are T’hy’la. I have no desire to live without him.”

“You will not have to,” Suvoc maintained stubbornly. “For this will work.”

Spock returned to Jim, who was looking more and more exhausted. He sat beside him, peering in to see that he had finished the Plomeek.

Jim smiled at him. “You were right, I liked it.”

“Jim.” He covered Jim’s hand with his. “For now, it is good for you to rest, but in the morning we are going to see the Vulcan healers Suvoc has arranged for you to meet with. Do you remember?”

“Yes,” Jim said. “I remember all of that.”


Jim looked wistful for a moment.

“What is it, T’hy’la?”

“Do you remember, long ago, when we first got together?”

Spock nodded. “I do. Do you?”

The smile returned. “After I was abducted by the Klingons. And you rescued me.” He paused to stare intently at Spock. “You always rescue me.”

“And I always will.”

“I was talking to you about…about being afraid. And you told me even starship captain’s feel fear.”

“Yes,” Spock said, softly. He wondered what Jim was getting at.

Jim turned his hand over so there palms were touching. “You said there was nothing to fear for either of us.”

His chest constricted and Spock nodded. “Yes.”

“It was true then, T’hy’la,” Jim said. “And it’s true now.”

Spock pulled Jim close. “Yes, Ashayam. Yes.”

Next Part of Love of a Lifetime

Perhaps have tissues

Jim fell asleep on the shuttle to New Vulcan almost immediately after they boarded. This concerned Spock, because Jim often woke up a little confused, and in an unfamiliar setting, it would be particularly upsetting for both of them.   

It wasn’t that Spock didn’t want Jim to have all the care in the universe. If he could be helped, Spock would be first in line for it. Once, Spock had been accused of neglecting to pursue alternative care for Jim because he wanted to keep Jim completely reliant on him. Spock would sell his very Katra to see Jim well and safe and anyone who truly knew Spock, and what Jim meant to him, would know.

Across from them on the shuttle sat Suvoc and Ronan. They were speaking softly to each other, so softly that Spock would have to strain to hear, his hearing was not what it had been once, and he was too disinterested to bother. If Suvoc had found a bondmate even one-tenth as important to him as Spock had with his, then Spock was glad for them, whatever the circumstances that got them together. Spock could no more blame Ronan for the rogue Romulan, Nero, then his old counterpart could be blamed for the destruction of Romulus.  Probably even less so. Every species of every planet had their problematic citizens.

The truth was, Spock did not relish the idea of giving in to that most inconvenient emotion of hope. For if he did, if he allowed himself to be filled with hope that Jim would be well again and a true partner to him once more, and then the healers on New Vulcan advised that there was nothing to be done for Jim, then Spock would feel twice as devastated. It mattered not about how illogical that was. He would be no worse off than before he’d learned Jim could not be helped, and therefore, it made no sense to mourn what he’d never even had the hope of having.

And there was that word again…hope.

But he had it. It had come in. It had crept into his heart, into his mind, his dreams, uninvited, and most unwelcome.

And if they were both doomed to disappointment, Spock had a decision to make. He was well aware that Jim would not want to live years as he was now. And Spock was equally aware he would not live years without Jim. He had made that decision long ago.

So if all hope was indeed loss for Jim, for them, then Spock would have to, at last, end it for both of them.

As they approached New Vulcan, Jim began to stir, and Spock prepared himself for what he would face as Jim awoke, for his own mind was already filled with the dreaded horror of Jim’s desolate confusion.

Jim straightened from leaning against Spock and looked around the shuttle in panic. “What? What is this? Where am I?”


He looked at Spock, but there was only blankness. “Who are you?”

“I am Spock.”

Jim shrugged. “So?”

“Your husband.”

Jim shook his head. “No. No. I don’t know you. Where am I? Where’s security? Someone help me!”

He scrambled up from his seat.

Suvoc put a hand on his shoulder. “Here. I will help you.”

Jim looked at him, frowning. “Who are you?”

“It is all right, Father…Dad. It is me. It is Suvoc. We are on the shuttle about to land on New Vulcan.”

“New Vulcan.”

“Yes. And Spock is your bondmate and husband.” Suvoc turned him back toward Spock. “You remember. You have been together many years.”

Jim’s face crumbled. “Spock,” he whispered.

“Yes, Dad. Go to him.”

Spock opened his arms and Jim went into them, burying his face in Spock’s neck, tears already flowing. “I am here, ashayam. I am here.”

He gazed across, over Jim, at Suvoc. They shared a look. They both knew that if this didn’t work, the option left open to them.

Spock hoped it worked.

And there, he was back to hope. All that he had. They had.

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