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Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

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Flash Fiction Wednesdays

Flash Fic, October 06, 2021

What is this place?

Jim stood before the stone structure. It was many stories high and had a large arch opening here at the base of it.

The Beast of Vulcan.

He’d come here seeking adventure after being bored for weeks. His mother had brought him to this planet while she worked there in a lab. Jim had been on Vulcan for three years now and had finished his education, near the top of the class, quite a feat for a Human.

He was old enough, now, to leave on his own and seek his own path in life, which he intended to do, but his mother had asked him to stay just a bit longer, and Jim was bored.

And he’d heard about this place.

A place where a legendary beast was hidden within. Or so the stories went. Some didn’t believe it and most never bothered to go there. Some that had were chased away. None had ever managed to get to the top where it was said the beast lived.

 Jim intended to do just that. With his backpack of survival supplies at the ready, Jim headed toward the arch, determined.

In the middle of the first floor was an old stone staircase. Jim had been told that this was once a mighty fortress, pre-Surak times. Jim climbed it, being careful to watch for weak spots, yet there were none.

The second floor seemed to be a series of old empty rooms devoid of furniture or anything. It was hauntingly lonely, Jim thought.

This time the stars to the next floor were on the side, so Jim made his way to the third floor. So far he had seen nothing nor had he been attacked, but he could hear the faint sounds of movement above him, on another floor.

“The beast?” he whispered.

Of course there was no answer and Jim expected none.

The third floor was similar to the second except there was an ancient table in one room. He also noticed far more evidence of insect activity. He found the stairs and went to the fourth floor. The sounds above grew louder and somehow for ominous.

Jim thought he heard low growling as he moved from room to room but he couldn’t see anything. He was grateful for the flash light he’d brought with him as there were no openings or windows on this floor and he’d be in darkness otherwise.

He was about to put his foot on the stairs to the fifth floor, Jim thought there were two more floors after that for a total of seven, when a hand suddenly grabbed his wrist.

“Ahh!”

“Jim, it is me.”

Jim turned, heart in throat, to stare at Spock. “Damn it, you scared the crap out of me.”

Spock gave him a disapproving look. “I followed you, for I knew you could only be up to no good.”

“Well. Not always.”

“Yes, always. Jim, this place is not safe, please leave with me.”

“But there’s only three more floors until I reach the beast.”

“The beast is merely an illogical legend. It does not exist.”

“I heard growling,” Jim suggested.

“Likely your stomach for you failed to eat this morning.”

Jim sighed. “But, Spock…no one’s ever gotten to the top.”

“It is a broken down old dwelling that could crumble under your feet at any time. I would like us to make it to Starfleet Academy in one piece.”

Jim let his words sink in. “Wait. You’re coming with me? But I thought the Vulcan Science Academy—”

“I turned them down in favor of Starfleet.” Spock paused. “And you.”

Jim smiled and leaned in to kiss his boyfriend. “Now that’s most excellent news.”

“Leave this place, Jim. If it is adventure you seek, we will surely find it together in Starfleet.”

Jim looked at the stairs going up regretfully. “All right. But it might have been fun. Beauty and the Beast, you know?”

“I suppose you are the beauty.” Spock directed him toward all the exits.

“Duh, of course.”

“I can find no illogic in that statement. You are singularly attractive.”

When they reached the ground floor, Jim switched off his flashlight.

“I am relieved,” Spock admitted.

“You aren’t afraid of the beast legend, are you, Spock?”

“Not truly, no. But there are tales within my family that one of my father’s brothers came here and never returned.”

They stepped outside and Jim saw that Spock was quite relieved.

“You really were worried about me going up there, weren’t you?”

“It is logical to be cautious and concerned where one’s mate is involved, Jim.”

Jim smiled. “All right. Let’s go home then. I am hungry.”

And as Jim and Spock walked away from the Beast’s lair, on the seventh floor, looking down, the Beast roared.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Flash Fic, September 22, 2021

“I came in second place!”

Bones patted Jim’s back. “Congratulations.”

Jim gave his best friend a look. Disgruntled to say the least.

“Did you hear what I said? I came in second.”

“Yeah, I think that’s great.” Bones frowned. “Wait, you’re disappointed?”

“I tried really hard,” Jim told him. “I expected to win. I hate to lose, Bones.”

“You didn’t try hard, Jim. You barely studied.”

“Well.” Jim read the results again. Sighed. “Who came in first, do you know?”

“I did.”

Jim turned around and stared at the Vulcan, Spock, who had just come up behind him. “You, Spock?”

“Indeed.”

“Damn. You didn’t tell me you were entering. I probably wouldn’t have entered had I known. Or, I don’t know, maybe I would have studied more.”

“Or at all,” Bones muttered.

Jim shot his friend another look. “Shut up, Bones.”

“Congratulations, Spock.”

“Thank you, Doctor. Would you care to have dinner, Jim? We can discuss the results further if you wish.”

Jim narrowed his eyes. “I don’t wish.”

Spock arched a brow.

Jim sighed. “Fine. I mean dinner is fine. But no gloating about beating me.”

Spock fell in step next to Jim as they began to walk. “I do not gloat.”

Bones stared after their departing figures. “Goodbye! You know most people say that when they walk away from someone!” he shouted after them.

Jim smiled. “You hear anything, Spock?”

“A gnat, I believe.”

Jim waved his fingers in Bones’ direction, who huffed, turned around and walked in the opposite direction.

Flash Fic, September 15, 2021

Jim opened his door to a serious looking Spock.

Well, all right, he always looked serious. But this was more serious than usual. Er, Jim supposed.

“Yeah?”

“May I come in?”

It was on the tip of his tongue to say ‘go take a flying leap’ but of course what he actually did was stand back to let Spock inside.

He wore his all black professor’s uniform and it should not look as hot as it did. As he did. Obviously.

Jim had just take a shower and when the doorbell rang, he’d only bothered to pull on a pair of shorts he’d had since he was just out of high school. They weren’t in the best shape. He’d slung a towel around his neck and his hair still dripped down on to it.

“I have come to…” Spock stopped, seeming at a loss for words.

Jim didn’t bother to prompt him.

“I am aware that I am arrogant, coldly unfeeling, and-and bitchy as you said.”

Spock had struggled with that last part. Jim nearly smiled, but this was no laughing matter, after all.

“But…if there is anyone in this universe that I am not coldly unfeeling toward it is you.” Spock paused. “I am not certain I can control the arrogant part. It is difficult to change what I have always been.”

Jim did allow the tiniest bit of the corners of him mouth to upturn. “Admittedly you have reason to be arrogant.”

“Yes.” Spock looked startled. “I mean, no. I do not. As for b-bitchy, well—”

“Spock, I think, somewhere in there is an apology. Right?”

Spock straightened. “Yes, exactly.”

“And I’m guessing this is your way of saying you don’t want things to end between us.”

“Definitely not.” Spock took a step forward. “I feel a level affection for you unmatched to anyone else.”

Jim did smile then. “That’s about as close to a declaration of love as I’m going to get from you, I’m guessing.”

“Jim—”

Jim laughed and pulled Spock close. “You’ve convinced me. I accept your unique apology.”

Spock leaned into his arms. “I am…gratified.”

Flash Fic, September 08, 2021

This is a continuation of the August 18th flash where Jim had marks on his neck.

“Who are you smiling at?” Bones demanded.

Jim let the smile slip from his face and turned his gaze back to Bones. “No one.”

“Oh sure. I’ve seen that smile. It’s your secret we’re going to sleep together later face.”

He laughed. “You’re crazy.”

“This is the same person who gave you the marks all over your neck.” Bones narrowed his eyes and looked around the cafeteria. “I don’t see him.”

“Bones—”

“See who, doctor?”

Jim Jumped as Spock appeared at their table. “Uh. Hi Professor.”

“Cadet,” Spock murmured.

“Idiots,” Bones said much louder.

Jim rolled his eyes. “Would you like to join us?”

Spock nodded and sat directly beside Jim.

Bones grimaced. “How’s that logical philosophy going, Spock?”

“Logical philosophy?”

“Uh-huh. That class Jim’s taking with you.”

Spock eyed Jim, who merely smiled. “He is a perfect student.”

“Oh, I’ll just bet,” Bones said with a snort. “He’s definitely getting good marks…ouch! Damn it, Jim. Now my shin is killing me.”

“Hypo yourself.”

“Why don’t you go—” Bones stopped himself and sighed. “Oh forget it. I’ve lost my appetite. Enjoy your…uh…lunch.”

Jim watched his friend skedaddle. He shook his head.

“I owe you an apology, Jim.”

Jim smiled quizzically at Spock. “Yeah?”

“About the doctor. You are correct. He is quite…odd.”

He laughed again. “Yeah, you got that right. And I don’t have a class the rest of the afternoon. What about you?”

“I too am finished for the day.”

Jim’s smile widened. “Then why are we still here instead of on the way to your apartment?”

“That is an excellent question. Let us rectify that.”

Jim winked and they rose from their seats, heading out of the cafeteria and off to their logical philosophy course for that extra credit Jim definitely needed.

Flash Fic, September 01, 2021

And so Academy month begins

Recruitment

Starfleet Academy has set up some sort of recruitment center in an auditorium on campus. Spock was required to be there, though, honestly he was not very interested. But being the head of the science department and even having programmed some of the Academy’s aptitude tests, he was given no choice.

Very few stopped by his area for science study. He noticed many went to engineering or security or, of course, command. He got an occasion medical doctor. Earlier that day one such man from Georgia had stopped by to scowl at Spock. Spock scowled back.

So Spock was surprised when a young, blond human stopped in front of the material for science. He stood before the computer and swiped left and right. From where Spock stood at the side, he could see the young man was extraordinarily good looking by any standards of any humanoids. He his long lashes that fell over very blue eyes.

Spock moved away from his hidden spot and approached.

“May I help you?”

The human flashed Spock a brilliant smile, showing little rabbit teeth that Spock somehow found quite appealing.

“Hi, Jim Kirk.”

The name brought forth a memory.

“Are you related to George Kirk of the USS Kelvin.”

The smile didn’t slip. “That’s right. He was my dad. I never knew him then.”

“Then you are the child that was born during the attack?”

“Well. Not a child anymore, obviously. But yes. You’re Professor Spock, right?”

“Yes. Surely you aren’t interested in studying science.”

Jim shrugged. “You’d be surprised. I was thinking of minoring in it. Astrophysics. I’ll be concentrating on command, of course, but I want as much education as I can get. I think that will help with command.” He grinned. “Maybe I’ll take the engineering courses too.”

“That would put a lot of burden on your shoulders to complete such an expanded course of learning.”

“Yeah, sure, but I’m up for the challenge.”

Spock inclined his head. “Very well then.”

“Speaking of challenges, when you’re done here later this afternoon how’d you like to grab some vegetarian food with me. I know a great place on fifth.”

Spock knew the place on fifth and it was indeed a superior place in which to dine. Plus, he could hardly turn down an invitation from such an attractive human. At this point, Jim was not his student or even in the science department, therefore, he wasn’t violating any rules either stated or implied.

“Well?” Jim asked. “Should I come by here when this is over?”

“I would like that, yes.”

“Fantastic. See you then.”

And as Jim Kirk moved on toward engineering, Spock realized that his own mood was much improved. He picked up his communicator and texted his friend.

Sorry, Nyota. I will not be able to join you for dinner. Something came up.     

Flash Fic, August 25, 2021

It’s late. The last few drinks of the last few minutes in the last bar of the shore leave Jim and the bridge crew have been enjoying. Jim’s pleasantly buzzed but not falling down drunk or anything. He’s been nursing the martini he’s been drinking for a while, just listening to the crew banter.

The shore leave wasn’t long enough but it never is. Jim suspects if it was three months, it would somehow seem too short, and this was a mere three days.

They met up here on the last night, having gone their separate ways until then.

Jim hasn’t seen any of them until a few hours ago and it feels good to see them, though he senses that some shore leaves were less than successful.    

Normally Jim would have probably spent his time with Bones, but this time, Jim thought it was best to spend it doing their own thing. All of them spent far too much time together really, and it could be…monotonous.

Bones looks like had a good time, though he hasn’t said what he did and Jim hasn’t asked.

Jim guesses everyone there probably thinks he spent the days getting laid by different people every hour or some such crap, but none of it’s true. He’d learned before shore leave that Sam and his wife, Aurelan, and their toddler son, Peter, would be on the same planet while Jim was there, so he’d spent his time with them, doing the family thing, and it had been good.

Sulu was meeting his husband Ben and their daughter and he seems in good spirits and yet Jim senses melancholy too. Probably because it’s over all too soon.

Chekov was Chekov of course and he’s been drinking a lot since they arrived.

Sitting beside Jim on his left is Spock. Bones is on the right chatting away with Scotty and Jaylah, who sits on Scotty’s other side.

Spock has been quiet as has Uhura who sits on the other side of him. Jim senses a lot of tension there and assumes they’ve been fighting during their shore leave.

It’s none of his business so he doesn’t ask.

“Have you ever been in love?” Chekov now asks loudly, drawing everyone’s attention. He raises his glass toward Sulu. “You obviously as you are vith Ben. And Mister Spock and Miss Uhura are together.”

Uhura makes a face, then looks at Spock who gives a curt nod. “Actually, Ensign, Spock and I have terminated our relationship.”

Chekov looks comically shocked. “You have?”

“Very recently,” she said coolly.

Jim clears his throat. “Chekov—”

“Vhat about you doctor?”

“I was married, remember?” Bones is snappish but that doesn’t seem to bother the young ensign who nods enthusiastically.

And the Chekov does the thing Jim’s been dreading and turns his big eyes on Jim.

“Vhat about you, Keptin?”

“I think it’s probably time to return to the ship,” Jim says, trying not to sound too harsh. But he sure as hell doesn’t want to get into that.

“But, the question?”

“I’m sorta interested in that myself,” Scotty piped in.

Jim sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose, and opens his mouth once more in an attempt to avoid the question. He’s aware everyone’s looking at him.

“Sure,” he says, finally. “And unrequited love sucks.”

“Unrequited?” Chekov repeats. “Vho doesn’t love you, Keptin?”

He rolls his eyes. “I’ve lost count, Mister Chekov. It’s time to go back to the ship. Shore leave is over.”

Everyone starts getting up, packing up their belongings they had with them on shore leave, souvenirs that sort of thing.  

Spock spots a stuffed dragon Jim has in his luggage.

“Captain?”

“Oh.” Jim grins. “My brother gave that to me yesterday. When we were kids we used to pretend we were dragons. Kind of a family joke. He saw this at a store and bought it for me.”

Bones frowns. “You saw Sam?”

“Uh-huh. And Aurelan and Peter. Spent the last three days together.”

“You didn’t tell me you were seeing your family.”

Jim shrugs and exits the bar with Bones and Spock trailing behind him.

As he approaches his quarters, Spock falls in step beside him as he often does. He can feel Spock’s glances.

“Something on your mind, Spock?”

“If you do not mind. There is a personal matter I would like to discuss.”

“Sure, come in.”

And Spock follows him into his quarters.   

Jim hopes he’s not about to say he wants to leave or transfer because of the end of his relationship with Uhura. How many times had they broken up anyway? She always managed to reel him back in. And maybe that was an unfair assessment but Jim doesn’t care. He’s tired and cranky and sorry he had to return to duty. He misses his family that he left behind mere hours ago and that’s weird as he never thought he would.

He turns to face Spock with an encouraging smile.

“What’s up?”

Spock exhales. “If I may be so bold, your love…it is not.”

“Not?”

“Unrequited.”

Jim feels himself lose color. “How did you…?”

“I am a telepath.” Spock steps forward and hold up his hand toward Jim’s.

After a moment, Jim raises his and they touch, palm to palm, fingers to fingers. And suddenly Jim doesn’t miss his family as much. He smiles and Spock…smiles back.   

Flash Fic, August 18, 2021

Jim comes out of the study hall closet first, looking carefully first to make sure no one else is around. He sees no one so slips out and away out of the classroom entirely.

Eventually he sees a group of cadets he knows walking the campus and he saddles up beside them and joins the conversation as though he’s been there the whole time.

No one calls him on it.

It isn’t until later when he’s meeting Sulu and Bones for hamburgers at Moe’s Deli that Sulu gestures to his neck.

“Someone’s marked you.”

“What?” Jim laughs. “No way.”

“Yep.” Bones hands him a mirror and Jim almost stops to ask him why he’s got a mirror, but instead he shrugs and holds it up to his neck. After a few awkward attempts to see, he finally notices the suck marks there.

“Er, okay.”

“Who are you seeing now?” Bones asks.

“No one.”

Sulu snorts. “No one gave you a hickey.”

“Those are big teeth, I might add,” Bones does, in fact, add. “As long as it’s not—”

“It isn’t.”

Sulu frowns. “Who? As long as it isn’t who?”

“Jim has a long history of picking really awful people to be his lovers.”

“Ruth wasn’t awful,” Jim protests.

“About the only one who was definitely too good for you. I’d give you a list of his bad choices, but I do have a life of my own to live.”

“Instead of nosing into other people’s, yeah.’

Bones smirks. “I do that as a side hobby.   

“Keep it far to the side if you don’t mind.”

“Hmm,” Bones says, contemplatively. “Last I knew you were seeing that little Caitian named Sofie, but those don’t look like her tiny teeth.”

Jim rolls his eyes. “She’s history and I never slept with her. I was just getting her study notes.”

“Study notes.”

“I like to do well in class, you know that.”

Sulu shakes his head. “If that’s the case, you might as well move right to the instructor.’’

Jim looks away, quickly, suddenly sure he is blushing. God he has a big mouth and he usually uses it for better things that sticking his foot in it.

“Yeah.” Bones gazes him suspiciously.

“Anyway, I definitely have two or three classes to get to right now.”

“It’s seven o’clock. You aren’t signed up for night classes,” Bones points out.

Jim rises anyway. “Extra credit. Uh, logic.”

Bones’ stare is harder now. “Logic?”

“Logical philosophy.”

“Oh for Pete’s sake, you don’t mean—”

“I don’t, no,” Jim says quickly. “Mind your own business, Bones.”

“Idiot,” Bones mutters as Jim runs from their table.

He can hear Sulu.

“Who? Who is he seeing?” Jim exits and head up the street. To his, uh, logic course.  

Flash Fic, August 11, 2021

Spock has been keeping a secret. He is not comfortable with it, but he finds it necessary.

He is in love with his captain.

In reality, he has had this secret for a long time. He first came to the realization that he felt love for his captain as he witnessed his death in the warp core.

Even after this realization, and the relief that Jim’s demise was temporary, Spock chose to continue his relationship with Nyota. He cared for her. It was not the same devotional love he felt toward Kirk, but he knew that was a lost cause, so it seemed there was no harm in continuing to see Nyota.

When it became more troublesome to continue to watch his captain pursue others, Spock sought solace in the idea of doing his duty and resigning from Starfleet for New Vulcan.

He advised Nyota of his plans and their relationship ended.

And then Krall and Altamid happened.

For a while, Spock allowed his relationship with Nyota to resume, given that was what she seemed to wish, but the distance between them grew, they both felt it, and finally she came to him and asked to remain friends only.

Spock had been relieved. He hadn’t wished to lose her, he just didn’t care for her the way she deserved, and they both knew it.

Spock continued to keep his secret, while keeping a watchful eye on his beloved.

He was pretty sure he hid it well, until one day, after Jim was injured yet again in a mission, and he kept a close eye on his recovery, McCoy came to stand beside him as they studied their unconscious captain.

“You should tell him.”

“Doctor?”

McCoy sighed. “Spock, stop hiding behind your Vulcanness and tell him how you feel.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Sure. Only the longer you wait, the more chance he’ll give up entirely and find someone else. It’s already been close. If you don’t act, Spock, well…it’s your funeral.”

“My funeral?”

“An expression.”

“A perplexing one.”

“Just…do it. Even if it’s while he’s sleeping. Get it off your chest.” McCoy sighed. Pinched his nose. “Another expression. I gotta go check something.”

And McCoy walked away.

Spock had no idea why he let McCoy talk him into this, but he walked over to Jim’s biobed. Stared down at his unconscious form.

“I am in love with you,” he said, softly, pushing a lock of hair off Kirk’s forehead.

He turned and left.

After Jim was released to go to his quarters for further recovery, he called Spock to see him.

He smiled when Spock arrived.

“Hey. You want to play chess or something?”

Spock agreed. It seemed as though his secret still belonged to him.

They were in the middle of the match, when Jim leaned back.

“When were you going to tell me?”

“Captain?”

“You know what.”

“No, I am afraid I do not.”

Jim sighed heavily. “I wasn’t asleep.”

Spock blinked, stared. “I see.”

“And for the record, I’m in love with you, too.”

A better outcome than Spock had ever expected.

Much later, when they were lying in bed beside each other, having done quite a bit of exploration, Jim turned to him, put his hand on Spock’s face.

“So. When were you going to tell me?”

“When it became relevant.” Spock paused. Smiled slightly. “As it just did.”

Flash Fic, August 04, 2021

“What did you want to say to me?”

Jim’s expression is open and inviting. Warm even. It is encouraging.

“It is a personal matter,” Spock explains.

“Yeah?” There is no change in Jim’s expression. It remains pleasing. “Go ahead, I’m all ears.”

A curious Human idiom that Spock ignores. Jim uses it frequently.

“I have…come to the conclusion I have developed a close romantic attachment to…a member of the crew.”

He falters here and he is aware of it. Even with the warmth encouragement Jim gives him, Spock finds it difficult to express such emotional thoughts out loud. He’s spent too long suppressing them. Made aware they are a weakness.

“A member of the crew,” Jim says slowly, nodding. “And not Uhura because you guys broke up, right?”

“Yes, Jim. It is not Nyota, though she has encouraged me in my pursuit of…the individual.”

Jim smiles faintly. “I see. Well, if it’s Nurse Chapel, you’ll not only make her day but her lifetime, I’m guessing.”

Spock is aware Jim is joking, trying to lighten things. But he is also aware that the ship believes Nurse Chapel has a crush on Spock. Perhaps she does, but it is not something Spock considers serious nor a matter for humorous speculation.

“It is not the nurse,” Spock corrects. “My sexual interests are in the pursuit of male companions,” he attempts to explain.

Jim’s expression clouds then. Like he is unsure what Spock means, but then it clears, and he nods again. “But you were with Uhura.”

“Yes, but it was during our relationship it became clear to me that my preference was for males.”

“Okay.”

Spock exhales. He has been stalling and for no good reason.

“Jim, my romantic affection is directed toward you.”

Jim’s warmth openness abruptly changes. His expression suddenly goes blank, and his blue eyes no longer hold the sun in them. They are not exactly icy, but they chill Spock, nonetheless.

“Spock.” Jim purses his lips.  “I…you’re my friend. I adore you. I don’t know what I’d do without you, you know that. I’ve told you dozens of times. But I…I don’t feel that way toward you. I’m sorry.”

And just like that, Spock’s heart, beating in his side, shrivels and dies. Jim is shaking his head and talking, saying nothing has to change between them due to Spock’s ill-advised declaration, but it is a lie and they both know it. Everything has changed.

And Spock begins to reconsider his decision not to go to New Vulcan.

Spock wakes with a pained gasp. His quarters are dark and the temperature not ideal.

“Computer, lights on and temperature raised twenty degrees,” he said, his own voice hoarse, rough.

Very slowly, Spock returns his breathing to normal. He has not made the mistake of revealing his love for Jim. It was merely a dream.

Impulsively, Spock gets up, dresses in his uniform, and makes his way to Nyota’s quarters.

It takes a moment, but she lets him in, having pulled a robe around her regulation red pajamas.

“Spock? What is it?”

“I apologize for disturbing your rest.”

She puts her hand on his chest and smiles. “No, it’s all right. You want some tea? What’s happened?”

Nyota brings him tea without him responding to her query and they sit on her sofa. Part of him feels foolish, though he knows she wouldn’t judge him.

“I told the captain…Jim how I felt, and he doesn’t reciprocate.”

She frowns. “What? Are you sure? I thought he—”

Spock shakes his head.

“When? When did you tell him? And tell me exactly what he said.”

“It was a dream,” Spock admits.

“Oh Spock, then you’re fine. That’s just because you were anxious, so your mind made up a nightmare. Jim is not going to reject you.”

“What if it wasn’t?”

“I don’t understand,” she says.

“What if it is a …premonition.”

She gave him a look. “Have you ever been clairvoyant before?”

“No.”

“Well then…”

“But Vulcans are telepathic. It is possible that I am acquiring some sort of telepathic signal from Jim that—”

“Oh, Spock. Please.  You don’t believe that.”

Spock shakes his head. “I cannot take the chance. If what I dreamed came true, I would be forced to leave the Enterprise.”

“Forced to leave? Jim would never do that.”

“Not knowingly, no. I do not mean that he would request I depart. But the situation would become so untenable, I would have no choice, personally, not to leave service under the captain.”

“Spock—”

“Please, Nyota. I cannot risk it. The only solution is to remain quiet regarding my feelings for Jim. Should Jim come to me with an expression of affection toward me, then I will admit to my own. But to be parted from him, is worse than remaining silent.”

A short time later, Spock returned to his own quarters, determined not to listen to any of Nyota’s arguments.

In the morning, they would begin shore leave on the planet, Mesador, which bore an uncomfortable resemblance to Risa as far as Spock was concerned. Though Jim would no doubt take part, Spock would stay behind so as to not subject himself to the sight of Jim having too much fun there.

When morning came, Spock finds himself in the turbolift with his captain.

Jim smiles warmly at him. It is that open inviting smile, that expression that has given Spock hope, however falsely.

“What did you want to talk to me about last night?” Jim asks. “Sorry I wasn’t available. Mom and I have a longstanding conference Tuesdays when we’re anywhere within range. You said it was personal?”

“I…was able to handle the matter on my own, Captain.”

“Oh.” Jim nods and this time his expression changes infinitesimally. Just a small change that no one would likely notice save for Spock because there is nothing he misses in Jim. “Okay.”

The word is spoken softly and though it’s not exactly sad, there’s something there that is off.

“Is something the matter, Captain?”

The full watt smile is back. The one that Jim projects to say he hasn’t a care in the world. Spock has seen it used on many people over the years. When he first notices it, back when Spock felt jealousy over it being aimed at Carol Marcus, he hadn’t recognized it as being a defense for Jim. He knows it now.

“No, no.” Jim shrugs. “Just…I liked the idea of you confiding something personal in me. Made me feel good about us being friends. It’s nothing, Spock.”

Fear is illogical, Spock thinks. He vaguely recalls McCoy telling him that fear of death was what kept humans alive. But this is not a matter of life and death. Or perhaps it is.

“Are you going down for shore leave, Captain?’

“No, I’m staying onboard. I figured I’d man the ship and let everyone else have fun for a change.”

Spock frowns. “You do not intend to frolic on Mesador?”

He uses the term Jim used for their last shore leave.

Jim smiles, a little more genuinely. “I’m going to take your advice, Mister Spock, and rest. I’ve got lots of reading to catch up on.”

“Reading,” he repeats. The doors open onto the deck and Spock follows Jim out onto the deck with their quarters, though originally Spock was headed to the bridge. “Books? Not reports, correct?”

“Reports?”

“If you are behind, you can send them to me. I am not going on shore leave. I am more than qualified to complete them in your stead.”

“I know, but I’m not asking you to, and anyway, no, it’s not reports. Some actual books I picked up at a bookstore in San Francisco last time we were there. Very relaxing, Spock.”

Jim stops in front of his quarters. And Spock takes a chance, even though he feels as though he may shake apart. The idea of ruining everything he does have with Jim is—

“Captain, there is something I would like to share with you, after all.”

“Yeah? I’m all ears. Come on in.”

Spock follows Jim into his quarters, his head buzzing from hearing Jim say the words he did in Spock’s dream.

It might be an omen.

He does not beat around the bush, as the human idiom goes. Spock seems to be full of them these days.

“Jim, I wished to advise you that I have developed feelings of a romantic nature for…you.”

And just like in Spock’s dream, Jim’s expression shudders.

His mouth dry, Spock continues, “I am in love with you.”

Jim slowly blows out a breath. It is the longest exhalation in history, Spock is quite certain.

“Spock.” The word is a whisper along Spock’s brain. It is not followed by the terrible words…you’re my friend.

Jim moves closer to him, puts his hands on Spock’s forearms. He feels the heat where Jim touches him. It scorches his katra.

“Are you sure?”

Spock swallows. “Quite.”

The warm smile returns and even more slowly the sun that warms up the blue of Jim’s eyes. There are tiny crinkles by Jim’s eyes when he smiles that Spock finds obsessively appealing.

He meets Jim’s mouth as Jim rises up to kiss him. It is like being reborn in some way.

“I love you too.”               

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