Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings



Flash Fic, September 29, 2021

And the conclusion from Spock

Spock was both surprised and anxious to see Jim sitting on the floor in front of Spock’s apartment. He had his legs bent at the knee and his arms wrapped around them. His eyes had been closed but they opened at Spock’s approach.

“Spock, hi.”

Spock surveyed Jim for any signs of new injuries or stress, but saw none, so when Jim held up his hand for Spock to assist him up, he offered it and pulled the cadet to his feet.

“Jim, I am surprised to see you. I anticipated you would still be experiencing your evening with the Caitian sisters.”

Jim visibly swallowed. “Yeah, well. That didn’t happen.”

Spock opened the door to his apartment and Jim followed him inside.

“They changed their plans?”

“I changed our plans. Canceled.”

Spock hung up his coat. “You decided not to engage in coitus with them?”

Jim laughed at that, though it was oddly without much mirth. “Something like that. Spock, I want to talk to you.”

He inclined his head. “Very well. Shall I make us tea?”

“Okay, sure.” Jim followed Spock to the kitchen, though he remained on the edge while Spock filled a kettle with water. “How was the movie with, uh, whatshisname.”

“Finnegan,” Spock replied, helpfully.

Jim snorted. “Yeah I know his name, Spock.”

“As it happens, I saw the movie alone.”

“You did? How come?”

Spock paused as he put the loose tea in the teapot. Finally he made a decision. “I chose to cancel my plans with Mister Finnegan as well.”

Jim stared. “Mister Finnegan? Not Sean?”

Spock’s lips quirked. “Not Sean.” He turned to face Jim. “To be entirely truthful, I never had much anticipation to see the movie with him.”


“Or anything with him. He is a rather unpleasant individual.”

Jim blinked rapidly. “Then…why?”

“The answer is not one I am particularly proud of.”

“I’m still listening.”

Spock nodded. “Allow me to finish this and then we can talk.”

Jim made an impatient sound, but agreed. This evening was beginning to be much more anxiety-inducing than Spock had originally planned. But Spock supposed he should have realized anything to do with Jim was not ordinary.

After Spock moved the pot of tea to his small dining room table, they both took their seats, and Spock poured the steeped tea into cups.

“I am likewise curious as to the cancelation of your plans. You seemed to be anticipating the engagement.”

“Yeah. Well. They were…I was never serious about them. Her. They were meant to be a distraction,” Jim admitted. He wrapped his hands around the teacup,

“A distraction?”

“Mm. Only it turned out they weren’t distracting me.”

Spock sipped his tea carefully. “What were they meant to distract you from?”

Jim smiled. “I could say you first, but I won’t. They were meant to distract me from you, Spock. Ever since we became part of the same friend group, well, I’ve been attracted to you. And the more I’ve gotten to know you, the more it’s gone beyond attraction. Sadly, though, you don’t give me the time of day, so…”

“The time of day.”

“Kind of a saying meaning you don’t even notice me.” Jim sighed. “Part of the reason I punched Finnegan’s lights out was because I was jealous that you seemed interested in him, yet there was nothing from you for me but friendship. So, that’s where I am. And pretty pathetic. But I thought if it’s Finnegan you want—”

“It is not.” Spock paused. He put his cup down. His heart rate had increased by a lot. He leaned forward. “It has never been.”

“Then why—”

“I did tell you I was not proud of the reason.”:

“Yes but—”

“My intention of my alleged pursuit of Finnegan was to make you jealous,” Spock admitted. “Therefore, my actions contributed to your punching his lights out.”

Jim burst out laughing. “Well, yes, but no. They were my actions, Spock.”

“I am no more interested in Cadet Finnegan than I am in a pesky fly. It is you I am interested in, Jim, and have always been, since the beginnings of our friendship. I withdrew from the plans with Finnegan because they did not seem to have the desired effect.”

“Oh, they did.” Jim leaned forward and kissed Spock. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you with him.”

“A most disturbing thought,” Spock murmured against Jim’s mouth.

“You said it, Professor. God, to think all this time that you…”

“And you…”

“Yeah.” Jim pulled Spock out of his chair. “I definitely need to study/”


“Uh-huh. Vulcan anatomy.”

Spock smiled a little. “Very well, Cadet. There will be a test later.”

Jim laughed. “I’m counting on it.”


Spock waited anxiously at the booth in their usual restaurant. He waited for Jim, who was supposed to meet him after his retake of the landing party simulation test with Professor Lucas.

He had no doubt that Jim was more than capable of handling himself and any potential crew members, holograms or not, but Finnegan was an unknown and clearly pushed Jim’s buttons.

Spock found it hard to concentrate on the menu, which he knew by heart anyway, when finally Jim appeared at the entrance, smiled in Christine Chapel’s direction, and then headed for Spock’s location.

As Jim slid in across from him, Spock held out his two fingers, which Jim met with an even wider smile.

“I love that by the way. I don’t know why.”

“I am gratified you do. Well?”

“Passed with flying colors. Made sure every single crew member was safe, Finnegan included, and managed to disable the alien attackers without decimating their species.” Jim grinned and picked up his menu. “Top of the class.”

“I never had any doubt you would be,” Spock replied. “And Mister Finnegan?”

“He managed to pass, barely, thanks in part to the actions of his first office who saved the day.”

Spock arched his brow. “You?”

“Who else? Anyway, that’s the end of that class and good riddance to him.”

“Indeed. I am illogically proud of you.”

“Me too. And I’m starving too.”

Spock picked up his menu, chose vegetable soup, and let himself relax. It was a good day and dare he think it…he was happy.

And that’s a wrap on September. October flashes begin Friday.

Photo by Yaroslav Shuraev on

Flash Fic June 28, 2021

And the conclusion…

In the morning, Spock approached Jim’s biobed cautiously. He still slept and the doctor had told Spock he’d had a restless night.

So had Spock.

Nyota had broached the subject as to whether Jim would ever recall his relationship with Spock and how the memory loss might be more permanent than McCoy suggested.  She had apologized afterward, but the idea had taken root in Spock’s mind.

At McCoy’s recommendation Spock had blocked their bond, but it felt uncomfortable to do so.

Spock was about to turn away when he heard Jim moan softly. He crept closer instead.

After a few seconds, the lids of Jim’s eyes lifted to reveal blue.

“Spock?” Jim croaked.

“How do you feel?” Spock asked cautiously. He did not want to hope too much.

“Weak. What-what happened?”

“You were injured during the mission to Alta Five.”

Jim blinked. “Can’t feel you.”


“Are you shielding?”

Spock’s heart raced in his side. “Then…you remember we are bonded?”

Jim frowned. “Of course. Spock—”

Spock bent down and kissed Jim passionately, unshielding as he did so.

Jim smiled when Spock pulled back. “That’s better.”

“Much.” Spock definitely agreed.

“You’d better tell me what’s been happening.”

Spock held his hand. It was warm and the best feeling in the world to Spock, as their palms rested against each other.

“I will, ashayam. But first, let me get McCoy.”

“Hungry!” Jim called after him.

Spock smiled.

Flash Fic (Roommates) February 05, 2021

The conclusion

It wasn’t until lunch the next day that Spock, together with Jim, joined their friends at the Academy’s Universal Cafeteria. It was well-known to serve food known to every Federation planet. Spock often chose Vulcan dishes, though on that particular day he chose vegan potato leek soup. Jim chose the same thing.

At the table, already seated, were Nyota and Jim’s friend, Leonard McCoy, who had been lately making himself more at home with their group.  

“Where were you two all day yesterday?” McCoy asked.

Jim grinned. “Oh. Well. Spock and I were getting to know each other a little better.”

“Haven’t you guys been roommates for months, why would you…” McCoy suddenly turned red as Jim laughed. “Never mind.”

Nyota was covering her own laugh with her hand.

“Sorry, Bones. But yeah, we, uh, spent the day together.”

“I see.” He huffed. “Does that mean I have to do the shovel talk?”


Spock took a sip of his soup. “Allow me.” He turned to McCoy. “Should you ever interfere with my relationship with Jim, your family and friends will never find a trace of you.”

“What the hell!”

“Spock.” Jim was now squealing with laughter. Nyota was joining him.

“I am,” Spock said slowly, coldly, “of course…jesting.”

“Oh, of course.” McCoy leaned back in his seat, arms across his chest. “Now listen here you green blooded—”

“All right, enough,” Jim interrupted.  “No insulting my boyfriend. It’s not cool.”

“Jim is correct. It is not wise to throw insults at me. I should warn you that I have contacts with several nefarious organizations that can see to it that you are never heard from again.”

“Spock.” Jim smiled and shook his head. He briefly touched his fingers to Spock’s. “Bones is going to think you’re serious.”

“Hmm. I can see how things are going to go around here now. Luckily I have a class.”

Nyota pushed back. She picked up her frappe. Spock was starting to think that was all she ever had. “Me too. See you two lovebirds later.”

And then she chased after McCoy, as they left the cafeteria together.

Jim smiled faintly. “Nefarious organizations, huh?”

“Indeed. At least five.”

Jim reached his spoon over to Spock’s soup and stole a mouthful.

“You have your own.”

“It doesn’t taste as good.”

Spock nearly rolled his eyes. “It is the same.”

“Maybe.” Jim rested his chin on his hand. “What do you say we go home?”

“I have a class in an hour and you have two,” Spock reminded him.

Jim sighed. “Yeah. What do you say we go home anyway?”

Spock’s lips twitched. “To get to know each other better?”

“Hell yeah.”

Spock pushed away from the table. “I say again, terrible influence. We really must attend our classes tomorrow.”

“It’s a Saturday.” Jim grinned as he hurried to keep pace with Spock’s long strides.

“Monday then. Yes, let’s go home.”

Let Nothing You Dismay Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five: Christmas

It had been a long time since Jim had an old fashioned Christmas like this. He had vague memories of his very early childhood with Sam and his mom. But those had long since faded. They were only brief snapshots in the mind now.

Last Christmas, his mother had already been quite ill and it was hard to be festive and celebrate anything. He’d tried for Lily, but fortunately she had been young enough she cared mostly about the paper than the meager presents he’d given her.

He had vowed then that this Christmas would be different for both of them, but then he’d lost his job, and it had looked bleak again.

Not anymore.

If there was such thing as a Christmas miracle, Jim had experienced it.

They all got up early, of course.

Lily could hardly contain herself to wait and really, Jim was like a big kid himself. Only Spock came down much more sedately.

While Lily ran around the house noticing that Santa had eaten her cookies and drank her milk, Jim took the coffee Spock had made him gratefully.

A few years back his mother had given him one of those Christmas sweaters. It had a reindeer on the front that looked more like a moose really, with a string of lights hanging off his antlers. They lit up with some battery hidden in the material. He hadn’t worn it last year because as before it hadn’t been a very festive year last year, but he’d put it on this time, and was delighted by the eyebrow raise it had elicited from Spock.

“Daddy! Daddy! Santa was here!”

Jim grinned. “I know. Let’s go see what you got.”

They ran to the living room, well Lily did, Jim and Spock followed at a far slower pace, and Lily saw the pink and purple bike waiting there. She squealed with delight.

As Jim watched her fuss over the gift, his gaze strayed to his stocking hung by the chimney. Not so much with care as it was quite crooked.

But the thing that Jim noticed was that some sort of paper now stuck out of his stocking. One that had not been there when he and Spock went to bed.

With a frown, Jim went over to his stocking even as Lily started tearing through the wrapping paper of her other presents.

He pulled out the paper, unfolded it, and stared.

It was the deed to the farmhouse and it had been stamped PAID. It was all in his name.

Spock walked over to him. “Is something wrong?”

Jim waved the paper. “Do you know anything about this?”

“What is it?”

“The deed to the house. It says it’s all paid off but…Spock, did you do this?”

Spock shook his head. “I did not.”

“Are you sure? Because it wasn’t there last night and…”

“Jim, I am sure. Vulcans do not lie. I had nothing to do with that paper or paying off your house.”

“Well. What the hell?” Jim glanced at Lily. “Angel, can you come here a second?”

Lily reluctantly left the coloring book she had been leafing through to come to where he and Spock stood by the stockings.

Jim bent down and scooped her up so that she was relatively eye level with the two of them.

“Do you know who put these papers in Daddy’s stocking.”


“Uh. Yeah. Not Santa. Really, who put them there?”

Lily scrunched up her face. “Santa, Daddy.”

Jim shook his head. “Did someone tell you to put them in Daddy’s stocking?”


“Okay.” He exhaled. “Did you see who did then?”

“No, Daddy. But it was Santa.”


“Jim,” Spock said softly. “It seems clear that Lily does not know where they came from either other than Santa Claus. As you know, you put her to bed yourself.”

Spock was right. But still.

There was no Santa. Well, other than Jim himself. So…

“Angel, was this the wish you wanted for Daddy? The one on your list?”

Lily smiled. “No, Daddy.”

“Did Daddy get the present you wanted for him from Santa?” Jim asked then.

Lily pointed to Spock, smiled and nodded.

Jim laughed. “You asked for Spock?”

“I asked Santa for a present to make Daddy happy. And he gave you Spock.”

Jim grinned as he looked toward Spock. “Yeah I guess he did. Santa’s awesome.”

Lily giggled.

“Okay, sweetie. Spock and I happen to know about a present from Santa that’s going to make you very happy. So why don’t we get it for you?”

Jim put his wiggly excited daughter down, but then turned quickly to Spock. “I meant that, by the way.”


“If you’re my gift from Santa I must have been very very good.” He leaned in and thoroughly kissed Spock. Then he held up the papers again. “I don’t know who’s behind this and maybe the idea someone was in the house without us knowing should freak me out, but…I thought I was going to have to sell this place when we went to San Francisco. And now? Having this place for my daughter someday?”

“Very good news.”

“Yeah. And it sure looks legit.”

“Then it probably is, Jim. Whoever is behind it, wanted it to be in the spirit of Santa, so perhaps, we should just view it that way and be thankful.”

Jim nodded. “You’re right. Let’s get that present.”

He led Lily over to the wrapped cat accessories while Spock went up to Jim’s bedroom to fetch the cat carrier which held the little orange ball of fluff.

Jim sat on the floor next to Lily as she tore open the paper on a litter box and scoop. He withheld a laugh when he could see how confused she was. Then she opened a pet bed. And then finally, a bag of kitten food.

Then Spock arrived and placed the carrier in front of her. He opened the cat carrier and the kitten tumbled out.

Lily clapped with glee. “A kitty!”

Okay, those totally weren’t tears in his eyes, Jim swore.

Spock knelt down next to him and Jim knew that Spock’s dark eyes didn’t look extra moist either. No way.

They shared a look. Of love. Of happiness. Of the future.


And somewhere sleigh bells jingled, but Jim was sure he must have imagined them.

Merry Christmas.  

Flash Fic, November 20, 2020

It was all over except the goodbyes. And they were happening.

It was, admittedly, a huge relief to Spock. He’d never really wanted everyone over, of course. It wasn’t that he had a problem with their guests. Really, he did not.

But life with Jim was still so new and special, he didn’t really like anyone interfering with that. And then there was all the fuss Jim had gone through.

His boyfriend had risen early and spent all day cooking and fussing. They had so much food left over, even with giving care packages to their friends and family, it couldn’t put a dent in it. They would never eat it all.

The pie contest had been called as a tie, thankfully. And perhaps Spock had a little something to do with persuading the judges to declare it so. But at the end of the day, Jim and McCoy seemed satisfied.

Jim lingered at the door, hugging everyone. Well, except for Spock’s dad.

Finally, Jim closed the door, with promises to have breakfast with his mother in the morning, and dinner with Spock’s parents’ tomorrow night. Still far too much socializing.

Spock looped a finger in the belt-loop of Jim’s pants and pulled him away from the door, turning him around to face Spock, then drawing him into his arms.

Jim sighed wetly against Spock’s neck, snuggling close. “God, I’m exhausted. I think I’m barely standing.”

“It is no wonder. You were up early and overdid everything.”

“Anything worth doing is worth overdoing,” Jim muttered against him. “Everything was so good too. I’m happy about the way it turned out.”

“You should be. I believe everyone considered it an enormous success.”

Jim pulled back to smile at Spock. “Yeah?”

“Very much so.” Spock kissed him. “What are your plans now, my love?”

“Clean up and then veg on the couch with a big turkey sandwich.”

Spock stared at him. “You wish to continue eating?”

“Well.” Jim laughed. “Sure. It’s a tradition.”

Spock shook his head. “You go relax on the couch, I will clean up.”

Later, when Spock was done, he went to check on Jim, who was snoring away. With an affectionate sigh, he leaned down, scooped Jim up and carried him to their bed.

“Didn’t get the turkey sandwich,” Jim mumbled.


“For breakfast.”

Spock shook his head and leaned down toward Jim. “Goodnight, Jim.” Spock kissed his forehead. “And happy gathering. Next year, I hope we will be in space.”    

thank you, this concludes this little short series of vignettes on this Academy couple.

It Is Time…

Saying Goodbye to my Fall Guys, it’s been a great three months.

Jim got up early, letting Spock continue to sleep, as he left the bedroom and went downstairs. He didn’t bother to shower. Not yet. He just pulled on the clothes he’d worn the day before and then took his hiking boots and socks with him to put on before going outside.

The air was brisk and the ground crunchy from frost, but the sky was clear, even as the sun had begun to arrive.

His breath swirled in front of him as he took his walk away from the farmhouse and Spock.

Soon opportunities like this would be gone. He sometimes went for long walks on the Enterprise, but they were seldom, if ever, solitary, as there were always crew members around at any given time and it wasn’t as though as captain, he went unnoticed. Ever.

Alone time on the Enterprise was not something Jim ever got to enjoy. And mostly, Jim was okay with that. He’d spent a lot of his early years alone, so he was okay with not being alone now. In fact, he generally preferred to be surrounded by others, especially loved ones, as he now seemed to think of his closest crew members.

But being with Spock these past three months had been Jim’s idea of heaven. However, he knew it was coming to an end.

In just a couple of days they were due back in San Francisco. Jim would be cleared by medical and then the Enterprise would be able to continue her mission.  Jim had no idea when he would be coming back here. It might be years or…dare he think it…never.

Jim was glad to be going back. He missed the beautiful lady. And he missed Bones and all the crew, their friends.

But he could admit, here, to himself, and to Spock, that this…this was nice.

He walked for miles, not even paying any great attention to his destination, but finally ending up in Riverside proper, the city, and over to a little diner he hadn’t been to since he’d left Riverside years ago for the Academy.

He seated himself at a booth and ordered a coffee, texting Spock with his whereabouts, and asking him to join him.

Jim was not at all surprised when Spock made it there in record time. He figured Spock had likely awakened and had been preparing to go in search of Jim.

Spock slid into the booth across from him and gave him a look that figured was not supposed to be reproachful, but it totally was.

“I woke and…”

“I know,” Jim interrupted softly. “I ended up going for a longer walk than I had originally planned or I’d have left a note. Sorry to make you worry.”

Spock nodded, accepted the offer of a beverage from the waitress, and then said to Jim after she left them to make their food choices, “You have been here before?”

He smiled. “Oh, sure. Many times. Mom once dated the guy who owned it.”


“God, no. This was after Frank. Nice guy, but it didn’t work out. Anyway, he used to give me free food back then. Whatever I wanted. And after…”


“Yeah. Like I said, nice guy.”

“You will miss this place.”

And Jim knew he didn’t mean the diner only but all of Riverside and Iowa itself, if came to that. And he would.


“Funny. I once couldn’t wait to get away from here. Never in a million years thought I would miss it. There’s an old phrase that says something about you can’t go home again. It’s supposed to mean that it’s never really the same, not the way you remembered, you can never get time back or the way it used to be back, that kind of thing, but in a lot of ways it’s more precious to me than it ever was back then.”

Spock reached for Jim’s hand who gladly gave it to him. “We have made pleasant memories here.”

“Yeah, we have. And I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

“It is the same for me.”

Jim smiled. “But I am, very much, looking forward to the New Year, the new us, the future, wherever it takes us.”

“To marriage and to bonding, is my desire.”

His smile widened and his heart was full. “Mine too.” He picked up his coffee mug and gestured for Spock to pick up his cup of tea. “To tomorrow and beyond.”

They clinked cups and took drinks and then they glanced toward the windows of the diner and watched the fresh falling snow.

Flash Fic, September 25, 2019

The Conclusion of our Clueless Vulcan

Spock had barely been in his quarter but a few minutes when someone buzzed for access. Spock couldn’t have said why, but he suspected it was Jim.


“Hi Spock. Got a moment?”

Spock found himself dreading whatever Jim would say. But he could hardly deny his captain. “Yes, of course.”

Jim nodded. He looked uncomfortable and his gaze landed everywhere except on Spock. “Listen, I owe you an apology.”

Of all the things Spock had expected the captain to say, that hadn’t been one of them. He was at a loss to respond or even know if he ought to, so he waited for Jim to continue.

“I’ve been…behaving inappropriately. Giving you mixed signals. And I’m aware of it, but I haven’t been able to reconcile thoughts in my head until now. None of this is your fault, Spock. It’s all on me.”

When he paused for a long time, Spock felt prodded to respond in some way.

“What is?”

Jim shook his head. He’d wrapped his arms around himself in body language Spock recognized as defensive.

“I’ve had these feelings that I struggled with. I’ve found myself interested in you in ways far beyond friendship or camaraderie. And for much of that time, you’d be with Uhura and so I had forced myself to dismiss all of it. When you two broke up, I started to hope…” He shook his head again and turned entirely away from Spock. “I hoped that maybe, there might, someday, be some kind of reciprocation on your end. I convinced myself you’d been flirting with me. Vulcan flirting, but still. And that had me thinking that I’d been right to think there was a chance for us.”

He paused again, seeming to shrink unto himself and Spock reached toward him even as Jim spoke.

“But now I know I was kidding myself and all you’ll ever feel for me is friendship and that camaraderie. And finding that out…well…it hurt for a while.”

Spock blinked. “When did I…?”

“I heard you in the corridor with Uhura one night. I think my mom once told me that if you eavesdrop you’re bound to hear something you wished you hadn’t and she sure was right about that.”


“I know I had no right to feel hurt. You didn’t owe me your affections or anything. But I took it badly. I drank myself into a stupor with Bones that night. And after, in order to protect both of us, or I thought so anyway, I pulled back from you even as a friend. That was wrong and I can see it negatively affected not only our working relationship but that of the crew.” Jim inhaled and exhaled. “So, basically, I’m sorry. I’ve made a big effort to get past it all and I think I have, so, from now on—”


Jim turned around so fast to stare at Spock he almost lost his balance. His arms had dropped down from being crossed in front of his chest.

“Excuse me?”

“What if I do not desire you to get past it?”


Spock let out a heavy, frustrated sigh, the likes of which were unheard from him, he knew, and very human, but at the moment he didn’t care. He was not good with words. Not emotional ones anyway. And if he’d needed proof, the fact that he had nearly destroyed what would absolutely matter to him most going forward, with carelessly spoken words he knew not to be true when he said it, should tell him that words were not needed just then.

Instead he took the few steps left to reach Jim and took hold of Jim’s arms, gently in his grasp. Those blue blue eyes widened as Spock leaned in and kissed him.

At first Jim’s lips didn’t move, didn’t accept the kiss Spock gave him and Spock had a momentary regret, fearing he’d gotten this all wrong after all despite Jim’s words.

But then, as Spock was about to pull away, he heard the barest gasp of breath from his captain just as his stiff, unyielding lips softened under his, opened for Spock, and allowed Spock to conquer fully. Jim’s hands fisted in Spock’s uniform shirt as he sagged against him, accepting the intrusion of Spock’s tongue eagerly.

Spock wasn’t sure how long they kissed. It felt like seconds, too short, but might have been years for all that he was aware of anything but Jim.

And there would be things, surely, that they would need to talk about, together, their past, their present, and definitely their future, but for now their lips, their arms wrapped around each other as Spock moved them toward his bed, their very bodies, that was all the conversation they needed now.

As he flung Jim onto the bed, his captain bouncing slightly upon impact, Spock flung himself onto Jim, his lips seeking purchase against Jim’s, his mouth wanting to return to the ultimate purpose of claiming this human as his…forever.

But Jim, predictably, had to have more than mere action. He paused to seek out Spock’s gaze, a question in his eyes.

“Spock, yeah?”

He nodded. “I do not have the words.”

Those sensuous lips, so addicting, curved into the slightest of smiles that somehow seemed more genuine than any smile he had yet given to Spock. There was a light within the blue eyes Spock had not seen.

“I do,” said Jim, softly. “I love you.”

Three standard words that had seemed trite and meaningless before. So many said them without ever meaning it.

Yet Spock felt them all the way to his Katra and beyond. Perhaps he had the words after all.

“And I love you.”  

Flash Fic, June 07, 2019

This is the conclusion of the fic that started with the Strip Poker, moved onto Tropical Drinks, The Beach, and now this one, Don’t Break My Heart.

Spock felt a spark of illogical hope as Jim accompanied him back to the Enterprise. A part of him had delayed going down to Risa after Nyota had encouraged him to do so, because he had been afraid that Jim would have already secured himself temporary companionship.

He’d been so relieved when he found that not to be the case, and indeed, the captain had been alone.

And despite Jim’s somewhat aloof behavior, which frankly over the last few months, Spock had become used to it, Jim had admitted he shared the same romantic feelings for Spock as Spock did for him. That was a place to start anyway.

Jim had left it up to Spock about which quarters were chosen for their talk, and ultimately, though not without trepidation, Spock chose his own. Because, as Jim had suggested, comfortable surroundings seemed pertinent just then. Though Spock was not even certain why.

Once inside their quarters, Spock respectfully lowered the temperature to more human tolerable warmth and watched as his captain paced back and forth, looking far too out of his normal element. This began to concern Spock.

“You-you did say my interest in you was not unwelcome,” Spock said.

Jim moistened his lips. “It’s not. It’s just that…” He shook his head and resumed his pacing.

“Your current behavior is concerning. If you do not share—

“Spock, I share it. God.” He laughed and wiped his hand over his face. “I’m crazy in love with you and have been for, I don’t even know. I’m the one who called you ‘babe’, remember?”

Spock did not allow the relief and hope to surface this time. “Then, may I inquire into the source of your reticence?”

He was surprised when Jim suddenly sat down heavily on Spock’s bed.

“I’m scared, Spock.”

He stiffened at the words that were such a reminder of a trying time, but this was not the time to dwell on such unpleasant recollections.

“Of me?” Spock dared ask, dreading the answer.

“No. Yes.” Jim looked up and must have seen Spock’s crestfallen expression. “I don’t think you’ll physically hurt me, Spock. That’s not at all what this is about.”

“I do not understand.”

Jim closed his eyes. “I love you so much. I don’t know…it’s been so long, it’s hard to remember when I didn’t.”

Spock opened his mouth to reply.

Jim held up his hand. “I’m exaggerating. I know. But basically, until very recently, the time I’ve loved you and known you, has been while you were Uhura. And you-never…” He stood up again. “This is crazy.”

“Jim, please speak plainly.”

“All those years and you never…you didn’t commit to her. I mean no marriage, no bond, and eventually you broke up and I just…”

Spock felt his heart twist. “Jim, sit.”

He swallowed heavily as Jim returned to sitting on the bed. He looked unhappy to do so, but he did sit.

Spock knelt in front of him. “You do not believe I am capable of the level of commitment you require.”

“Well.” Jim wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Because Nyota and I never took those steps. Marriage. Or a…bond.”

“I know I have no right to expect—”

Spock reached up and placed his fingertips on Jim’s mouth. “I am in love with you. Deeply and completely. I will never leave you, unless you demand that I do. Nyota and I were committed to each other in our own way and that worked for us until it did not. Until neither of us could deny that we were no longer romantically in love with each other.“

When Jim sucked in a breath, Spock realized it was the wrong thing to say to his panic-stricken captain.

“What if-what if you decide that you are no longer in love with me. You have before. And-and, Spock, I’m sorry, but if this is temporary, if a few years from now, you’re going to decide not to be with me, then I’d rather not now.”

“No one can predict the future.”

“But I can. I’ve seen you in action. You likely will fall out of love with me, and who could blame you, who would want to stay with me?”

“Breathe, ashayam.” He brought Jim’s hands to his lips and kissed both palms and each finger after, then held them tightly in his. “I have never loved anyone as deeply as I love you. And while it is true, I cannot predict what will happen, I know that my devotion to you is absolute. We can bond immediately if that will ease your mind.”


“Jim, our-our counterparts had so little time together, considering everything, and I would rather not be them.”

“They were together?”

“And bonded, my love. But for only twenty years before your death. Perhaps that is to be our fate too, I do not know, but whatever time we are to have, I wish to begin it now.”

Jim smiled a little.

“And perhaps it never worked out between Nyota because it was always meant to be us.”

“Fated lovers, huh?” The smile grew crooked. “That’s quite a bit of pressure.”

“It need not be. We love each other and both are committed to each other for the rest of our lives.”

“You make it all sound so…”

“So what, Jim?”


Spock took a chance. “Do not break my heart.”

Jim leaned forward and pulled Spock up and over him onto the bed. “And don’t break mine.”

Spock covered Jim’s lips with his. “Never.”

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