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Memorial Day Flash

It felt good to have Spock beside him, even though Jim hadn’t even known before he stepped foot inside the Memorial that he would feel that way. That he would need his first officer there. Or just how deep his feelings had become for Spock that he wanted the Vulcan with him at all times. Something he hadn’t altogether analyzed. Not yet.

For probably longer than he should, he stood in front of Pike’s memorial. The pain of Pike’s death was one he still felt sharp and fresh though a few years had passed now. It didn’t feel that way. Not at all.

His gaze scanned the few short paragraphs that were meant to describe the existence of a single man, but didn’t really come close. Not for Jim. For an all too brief time, Jim’d had a father, as his own didn’t get the chance to be, and his stepfather, Frank, had never wanted to be. And maybe Jim had put more significance on Pike then he should have. Maybe it was too much pressure, ultimately, on the man. But Jim couldn’t take it back. Couldn’t pretend Pike hadn’t meant so much.

Jim glanced at Spock, saw him looking at the memorial with a sadness he rarely showed and Jim was reminded, all too well, that Spock would be grieving for Pike also.

After a moment, it seemed as though Spock felt his gaze and he met Jim’s eyes. For a few breaths, their gazes locked, then with a shared nod, they both looked away.

They moved on then, stopping at a few others, though more briefly, until Jim reached the aisle that would lead them to the one he didn’t want to see, but would anyway. He stopped.

“Captain?” Spock turned toward him, an eyebrow raised in question.

“Your mom should be here, you know,” he said softly, then regretted it. He frowned. “I’m sorry.”

“She was not a member of Starfleet, so it wouldn’t be appropriate.”

Jim nodded, biting his lip, then looking away. “Yeah. Yeah.”

“There is no memorial for her. Or any of them individually. Just a…plaque in front of the Federation Headquarters.”

Spock’s voice was so quiet that Jim strained to hear it. He took a step closer, uninvited or maybe unwanted, he didn’t know.

“There should be.”

Spock tilted his head. “Remembrances, I suppose, are something most Vulcans find…pointless.”

“Spock.” But that was all Jim seemed to be able to say. Any other words got stuck in his throat and seemed entirely not enough.

Eventually, he touched Spock’s arm, drawing Spock’s gaze to his for several silent moments. He couldn’t think of a damn thing to say that would make any of it all right.

Then Spock broke the spell by flicking his head in the direction they needed to go. “Shall we?”

Jim nodded, lump lodged in his throat, and turned to go down the long aisle that contained the memorials for the Kelvin. Like Spock’s mom, and the billions of Vulcans murdered, there’d been no remains of many of the Kelvin who lost their lives that day, his father included.

When they stopped before his father’s plaque, Jim was surprised, though grateful, to feel Spock’s hand on the small of his back. He placed his own hand against the shiny plaque that listed George Kirk.

“Last time I came here, I was just a kid,” Jim said, softly. “I came with my mom. Sam, too.” He shook his head. “This was all before Frank. When I got older, I didn’t come.”

“Too painful?”

“I wish that I could say that. More…too self-involved.” Jim turned a little to look at Spock’s face, but not enough that he would dislodge the comfort of that hand on his back. Spock, of course, held no look of judgment. No censure. In fact, there was a gentle affection in those dark eyes that threatened to steal Jim’s breath. Jim swallowed. “Spock, I…”

His first officer nodded. “This is not the time or place, I am aware.”

“No, but—”

“Jim?”

Jim turned, startled at the sound of his mother’s voice, to see her running toward him. He made a little whooshing noise as he caught her against him as she threw herself into his arms.

“You came!”

Jim met Spock’s eyes over her head and then he squeezed her. “Hi, Mom.”

She pulled back, but only to put her hand on his cheek. “God, it’s incredible to see you. I didn’t even know you were going to be in San Francisco.”

“I know. We’re waiting on repairs and I wasn’t sure myself. I thought you’d be in Riverside.”

“I’m spending the summer here.” She pulled entirely away from Jim then, her gaze going to Spock. They’d met once, during the time of Jim’s recovery after Khan. “Mister Spock. It’s good to see you again.”

“And you as well. Though not the best of circumstances.”

“Whatever they are, I’m just so happy to see you, Jim, and here with Spock.” Her eyes glistened with tears. “Give me a moment, will you?”

Jim stepped back, with Spock, as she stood before his dad’s memorial. He looked away, respecting his mom’s privacy. After all, his dad meant everything to her, and though he’d been Jim’s dad, he’d never even known him.

And Spock, well, he meant everything to Jim, so he definitely got it.

He turned to face Spock.

“I love you. I do. And I don’t want to waste even one more minute not telling you. Because it’s just…I could end up here, or you could, or both of us, I guess, and I just—”

“Jim.”

“It’s okay, if you don’t feel that way, I just had to tell you before I burst, I guess.”

“I feel the same way,” Spock whispered. “Your affections are returned.”

Jim swallowed the lump, nodding, holding the sight of Spock in his heart, for that moment, to remember.

“All right.” His mother came over and linked her arms with Jim’s and Spock’s. “Lunch?”

Jim smiled. “Yes. Sounds good.”

“And dinner?” She teased, but, Jim also saw, there was hope there in those familiar blue eyes of her.

“Yes, dinner, too.”

“How long are you here?” she asked, as she drew them away from his dad’s memorial, her gaze sweeping over it once more, before her eyes went to the front of them.

“A week,” Jim said.

“That’s wonderful. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too, Mom.”

May 27, 2019

Flash Fic, May 17, 2019, part 3

This continues the story, by popular demand, of the Kirk and Spock from Strip Poker and Tropical Drinks Fame

The Beach…

They ended up going for a walk after finishing their drinks and fries. Jim couldn’t stomach the idea, honestly, of having one more sweet, fruity, tropical drink. Together with the fries, he felt as though he had gained ten pounds.

When Jim had turned toward the sandy beach next to the bar, Spock had hesitated briefly, before, seeming to collect himself with a short nod, and following after Jim.

There was an unexpected breeze coming off the Risan Ocean, and though it wasn’t exactly freezing, Jim found himself grateful he hadn’t worn only a bathing suit. For one thing, the idea of wearing only that in front of Spock had him feeling somewhat, unexpectedly, shy.

Jim felt a little at a loss now. He hadn’t really believed that Spock might have feelings for him, not like that anyway. When he’d accidentally, really it was, called Spock “babe” after poker, he was certain Spock had called him the same as a joke to lighten the mood. And…it had worked.

Everything had returned to normal. Or normal for them, anyway.

Then shore leave on Risa had come and Jim had thought it was a great opportunity to forget his troubles. Because, like it or not, his affection and lust for his first officer, had been one of those troubles. He had planned on getting laid on shore leave. Then Bones had opened his big trap.

Jim became aware that Spock was now shooting him furtive glances.

“Pretty, huh?” he asked, as he stopped next to the shore.

“I have never seen an equal.”

He dared a look at Spock and, definitely, the Vulcan had not been looking at the ocean. At least until Jim looked at him and he switched his gaze.

“Ever been to Risa before, Spock?”

“I have not. It always seemed far too…”

“Hedonistic?”

Spock shrugged slightly. “I was going to say frivolous. Early on in my courtship with Nyota, she desired to come here, but I…was not amenable to the planning of it.”

“I was honestly surprised when you appeared in the bar,” Jim said.

“In truth, I was not seeking out Risa, but you specifically, Captain.”

He smiled faintly at the ‘captain’, but decided not to correct Spock this time. Spock called him Jim when he felt like it and Jim had gotten used to it.

But he wasn’t exactly sure what to reply to that, so in true Jim fashion, he remained quiet.

“Where did Doctor McCoy go?”

He nodded at that, figuring that seemed like a reasonably safe topic for them, and he wondered briefly why they needed a safe topic.

“He had a massage appointment.”

“And you did not wish to accompany him for one?”

Jim shrugged. “I don’t find them pleasant to be honest. The muscles in my back are a knotted mess and have been since…”

He’d been about to say Tarsus, but he’d never brought up that subject, not with anyone, and now standing on the beach in Risa, well, it didn’t seem the time for such a conversation. And maybe someday there would be a time, with Spock, but it wasn’t today.

“Anyway, since I was a teenager, basically. Whenever I have had a massage it just makes it worse and causes me a lot of pain.” He smiled in Spock’s general direction. “So, yeah, I skip those. And sorry for the long explanation.”

“I am sorry for the discomfort, but I am gratified that meant you were left to your, as you might say, to your own devices.”

Jim let out a steadying breath and turned to Spock. “What’s really going on here, Spock?”

“Captain?”

“I guess, I don’t know. One of us is giving the other mixed signals and maybe it’s me, but I kind of think it’s you. Are you, how would you put this, romantically interested in me or what?”

Spock stared at him, eyes widening slightly, mouth open, gaping a bit like a fish. Jim had clearly thrown him with the direction question, but Jim was glad. Spock needed to be thrown sometimes. He was all too together most of the time.

His mouth hung open for a minute or two, mirroring the way he’d done so, back before Khan and Marcus had betrayed them, and changed everything, and just like then, Jim felt a bit of frustration.

“Yes.”

And by the time Spock answered, Jim had nearly forgotten what he’d asked, and so now he was the one standing there, staring at Spock. He saw the light of hope in Spock’s dark eyes dim to be replaced by a careful mask of non-emotion. But the dread of disappointment had shown first.

Spock looked away. Not out to the sea, as Jim might have done, but toward shore, and Jim would guess, the safety of the ship.

“I apologize if my advances are unwelcome,” he said softly, his cheeks showing just the slightest hint of green.

Jim recognized even before it spilled out that laughter was the wrong reaction for his stiff Vulcan first officer, but it bubbled forth anyway. Spock instantly became stiffer, how that was possible, Jim didn’t know, and he turned as if to walk away.

He stopped him with a hand on Spock’s arm. “Spock, no. It’s not unwelcome. It’s just, well, there haven’t been any advances. That’s why I laughed.”

Spock’s brows furrowed and Jim could tell he was going over their interactions as though to see why he viewed them as advances and Jim did not.

“This is a terrible place to have this conversation.” He let go of Spock’s arm, turning away to pinch the bridge of his nose. “This is just much harder than it should be.”

“Jim?”

“You should go back to the ship.”

“You are sending me away? Because—”

“No. I mean. We both should. There’s just…” He gestured to children playing not that far from their position. “No privacy at all. I have a hotel, but it’s-it’s not at all right for you.”

It was cheesy and sleazy and meant to be used to have wild, crazed sex with anonymous lovers and that was so absolutely not what Spock was, if he was going to be something, and Jim wasn’t really even sure, because there were things he had to say, had to make sure of, and so nothing between them was at all guaranteed.

“Let’s just go back to the Enterprise and my quarters or yours. Whichever. What you-what you feel comfortable with.”

Spock opened and closed his mouth then and he nodded and made to turn once more to go back to the shore, but then he stopped, turning back once more to Jim.

“Before we proceed, I need to know, if you share any similar feelings for me?”

“Yes, Spock. I do.”

And he saw the relief in Spock’s eyes, and Jim, really, ought to feel better about this, about them, as Spock seemed to, but Jim still felt like a ball of lead sat in his stomach.

But he turned and followed Spock up to where the transporter would take them to the Enterprise.

And yes, there is a part four coming, on June…7th. Yes, I am afraid you must wait that long!

May 17, 2019

Opinions Please

I am considering discontinuing Not Too Few Regrets. I am only two chapters in. To remind everyone, after a fight with Spock, Jim sleeps with someone else, and Spock wants to end their marriage.

I know JJ doesn’t want me to discontinue and delete it, and I know Kris will probably tell me what she always does, I support you. HA. Am I right?

I’m going to reveal more plot than I would normally. But since I have 5 or so readers on here only that ever comment, I’m okay with that.

My plan for the story was that Jim and Spock had a fight over Jim’s drinking. Spock thinks Jim drinks too much, especially lately, and that he acts out when he does. Jim thinks he can handle his liquor just fine and basically tells Spock to shove it. On shore leave, Jim gets drunks, Spock sees him, tells him he is drunk and should leave with Spock, and Jim refuses, rebelling against the whole notion.

Into this mix comes a setup. An admiral at HQ has never liked the idea of fraternization. When Jim and Spock initially bring up their relationship with Starfleet, he votes against it, and them, serving on the same ship together. He is outvoted. Later, he decides he wants Spock to head a science vessel for Starfleet, but Spock is clearly reluctant because of his marriage to Kirk, which is what this admiral feared all along. He also has received reports and rumors that the two of them risk themselves to save the other more than any command team.

He sets up one of his assistants on shore leave to sleep with Kirk. He has offered her a promotion. She agrees since she always thought Kirk was hot. Don’t know if she slips him something. Haven’t decided. To the admiral’s delight, it works. Kirk is pissed at Spock and does engage in sexual activity with her. Haven’t decided if it’s full intercourse or oral, etc. I don’t remember if I said in the chapters I posted.

When Kirk leaves the Enterprise after requesting personal leave, he goes to San Francisco. The admiral admits nothing other than he always thought it was a bad idea anyway. But Jim runs into the assistant, who is now guilt ridden, and she admits everything.

To Jim, this really changes nothing. He still did what he did. And well, obviously, I don’t have the rest of the plot, other than I suppose eventually Jim and Spock reconcile after Jim begs Spock’s forgiveness.

I’ve had some reader pushback on having Jim cheat and I’m rethinking the whole thing myself, because there are plenty of readers out there who already think Spock is perfect and Jim’s an ass, etc.

There you have it. Get rid of it or write it as is?

May 14, 2019

Eveningstar’s Birthday Flash

The time had come to interfere, clearly. Spock had tolerated it this long for the sake of both not making a scene and because it was a diplomatic mission with a planet considering become part of the Federation.

But even Spock had his limits.

Perula, the high exulted ruler of the planet, had taken an extreme liking to Spock’s captain. And the captain also happened to be Spock’s husband. So seeing Perula’s hands all over Jim for the last several hours had become quite intolerable even for him. And when she had grabbed Jim’s arm and dragged him toward a private alcove, that had been more than enough.

He straightened from the wall.

“Spock,” Nyota hissed. “Where are you going?”

“After my mate.”

“The mission—”

Spock ignored her and went down the short hall to where Perula had taken his captain.

Sure enough Perula had her arms draped around Jim’s neck. But before Spock could say a word, one of Perula’s soldiers came from the other direction and pulled Jim viciously away from her and held him high up in the air.

“No!” Perula screamed. “Don’t hurt him. He’s—”

“Mine.” Spock moved forward just as the soldier tossed a crumpled Jim to the floor. Before the soldier could once more attack Jim, Spock pinched his neck. He bent down and lifted Jim off the floor and hoisted him over his shoulder.

Perula stared at them, mouth open. “But—

“I apologize, Exulted Ruler, but the negotiations are finished. Captain Kirk is my husband. I am taking him to the Enterprise.”

Spock waited in the medbay for Jim to open his eyes. McCoy had assured him that Jim was not seriously injured, just a bit battered and bruised.

“Hey,” Jim said, softly, wincing. “Ugh. Dude was a brute.”

“Perhaps next time you will think twice about flirting with the ruler of the planet.”

Jim smiled a little. “Well. You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

“No. But I was jealous.”

“You were?”

Spock nodded. “I admit I do not like anyone else touching you.” He let out a long breath. “Even casually. It is a problem.”

Jim reached for his hand and Spock took it, gratefully. “You don’t ever have to worry. I want no one but you. Forever and always.”

Spock closed his eyes and kissed Jim’s hand. “It is the same for me.”

“How long am I stuck here?”

“Overnight.”

“Damn.”

Spock walked over to the wall and pushed a button. Another panel came down doubling the size of the bed. McCoy had shown it to him earlier.

“Do not worry, my Jim. I am going nowhere.”

For this I used her birthday wish and also one of Jamie’s sentences that said “He’s Not Yours, He’s Mine” for inspiration.

May 10, 2019

Flash Fic, May 03, 2019

Jim was starting to wonder how long it would take for them to rescue him from whatever whacked universe this was.

The thing of it was, he’d been unlucky to be in a mirror universe before. That one had been scary, because instead of the Federation there had been the Empire. Spock had a beard and had, at one point, held him by the neck against the wall. When he’d returned to his own universe, he still wore the bruises from Spock’s fingers.

But at least he could communicate with that Spock and the rest.

In this one, whatever it was, he somehow found himself on ancient Vulcan, or so it seemed to Jim, because they didn’t appear to be very advanced at all, and none of them seemed to speak anything other than Vulcan. And damn it, his Vulcan sucked.

The moment he had appeared, he’d been set upon by a group of half-naked Vulcan warriors thrusting weapons at him, and poking and prodding him. He hadn’t been sure if they intended to kill him, fuck him, or eat him. Or maybe all three.

Then Spock had appeared, or he sure as hell looked like Spock, also half-naked and much more muscular than his Spock, and yeah, okay, he thought of Spock as his, with long hair, and tattoos of Vulcan scripts on his chest and arms.

Anyway, he had fought off several other beastly Vulcans to claim Jim. Well, not literally. Or Jim didn’t think so.

He had been brought by Spock to a dwelling that seemed sort of a cross between a hut and a cottage. He’d been unceremoniously dumped onto a heap of cushions in the middle of said dwelling, not sure if the cushions acted as a couch or a bed, and then Spock had disappeared into another room.

Eventually he had returned with food which he had foisted upon Jim. Begrudgingly Jim had eaten it, all the while asking Spock if it was poison, and getting, of course, no response, because he was hungry and didn’t know when he would get the opportunity to eat again.

After that, and where they were now, actually, Spock sat on the cushions next to Jim simply staring at him.

“Uh.”

Spock tilted his head.

Jim moistened his lips. “Nice, um, nice tatts by the way.” Jim sort of pointed to the artwork on Spock’s chest. Spock must have gotten it because he straightened and puffed out his chest.

“So.”

Spock pointed to him. “So.”

“Oh. No. Um. No. That’s not my name.” Jim sighed. Pointed to himself. “Jim.”

“So Jim.”

He laughed. “No. Just Jim.”

“So Just Jim.”

Jim blew out a breath. “Okay, whatever. It’s not like I’ll be here long enough for it to matter.” Or so he hoped.

Spock pointed at himself. “Spock.”

“Yeah. Hi. Hello Spock.”

Spock leaned forward and put his hand on Jim’s cheek. “Pretty.”

He blinked. “You-you know the word pretty?”

Spock nodded. “Pretty!”

“Er. I mean I guess.”

“So Just Jim pretty.”

He found himself smiling in spite of himself. “Spock pretty.”

Which apparently was the wrong thing to say or the right, depending on your point of view, because suddenly Jim found himself flat on his back, underneath a very heavy Vulcan.

“Oh. Um. Wow.”

Spock smiled, which sure was strange. He put his hand on Jim’s cheek again. “Mine.”

“What?”

“So Just Jim Spock’s.”

“Well. Not that I’m not flattered or anything, but—”

Spock’s eyes narrowed. “Mine.”

And then he ripped Jim’s shirt in half.

It was at that exact moment that he heard the transporter activated and found himself reappearing on the Enterprise, lying on his back across it, unfortunately, torn shirt and all.

“Captain.”

Jim turned his head to look at his first officer, whose perfectly groomed eyebrow was arched high under those bangs of his. He moistened his lips.

“Damn it, Spock. You could have waited an hour or so.”

“Captain?”

He sighed and sat up. “I just left what is bound to be a very frustrated Vulcan.”

Spock reached down and helped him up. “If you’d like to be sent back, I can see if that can be arranged.”

Jim walked away, looking back over his shoulder. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’ll just have to role play.”

Spock stared. “Role play?”

**** Explicit, slightly altered version now online

May 3, 2019

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings

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