Here they are! HA HA
Kirk is wearing a gold shirt with blue jeans. And I am especially proud of his hair!. Spock is wearing a science blue robe, doing the ta’al and has pointed ears. Kirk has a cane in his hand but somehow the paint program decided to make the background black and I can’t figure out how to undo it. Also the reason that Kirk appears armless!
Oh wait! I wasn’t supposed to share it here before November. Alas, I guess that disqualifies it from being in the OMS challenge. Damn it!
Spock did not like to impose on his captain, normally. If Jim had merely invited him to his quarters and to his bed, as was usual, Spock would have gone very willingly. Eagerly, in fact, for he had no desire to spend the night alone in his cold bed without his heater beside him.
And tonight of all nights…
The mission had gone so terribly wrong. It was a miracle both he and Jim were physically unscathed. But they were both exhausted and emotionally, as Jim would say, fried.
And yet…there had been no invitation from Jim. He’d just said goodnight and gone to his quarters.
Spock stared at him empty cold bed and made a decision he hoped he did not regret.
He picked up his sleeping robe and walked out of his quarters and went next door to Jim’s. On the prior Enterprise their bathroom had been shared, but that was an old design, and when they were forced to rebuild the ship after Altamid, they’d all gotten their own bathrooms. Jim’s and Spock’s being the largest floorplan.
“Enter.”
Spock stepped inside as the door slid open, then remained by it, as he held his robe staring at his captain, who already lay in bed. Jim was dressed in a tight fitting T’shirt, molded to his muscles, and Spock suspected, his usual cotton pajama bottoms with the stars dotted on them.
“I…”
“Yeah?” Jim was leaning up against the pillows that propped him up. He had a book in his hand.
And now Spock felt foolish. It was obvious Jim had not wanted him there. Why hadn’t he gotten that?
Jim’s gaze went to the robe clutched in his hands as Spock remained silent. “Spock, what is it? Are you all right?”
“I…wanted to…may I stay with you tonight?” He felt that his face was flushed and knew that he must be a very dark shade of green. But this was not his element. Nyota had never made it this hard. Everything was difficult with Jim. Watching Jim breathe was.
Without a word, Jim picked up the corner of the blanket and sheet, holding it aloft.
Spock swallowed. “I understand if you do not—”
“Just…get in.”
“If you would rather—”
“Spock.” Up until that moment Jim had sounded almost harsh, but just then his tone and his voice had softened considerably. “Put on your robe and get into bed. It’s okay.”
Spock nodded, undressed and redressed quickly, and then slid into bed next to his captain, who had now put aside his book to watch Spock’s every move.
“If I have overstepped—”
Jim held out his fingers toward Spock who was suddenly filled with such relief, he was shaking, as he touched his fingers to Jim’s.
“You can’t, okay? You can’t overstep. And I’m glad you’re here.” His mouth thinned. “What a craptastic day. Yeah?”
“Beyond imagining.”
‘I’m sorry. I should have…I really wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to get in bed and have the day all over.”
“And me as well. But I needed…”
Jim smiled then, soft and sweet. “I know. It’s all right. I don’t mind. Lie down and come here.”
They both lay flat on the bed and then Spock scooted closer, wrapping himself around his captain. He closed his eyes and sighed.
“Computer,” Jim called. “Lights off.”
One day early. I used a picture from Into Darkness, but I liked it. It showed them both in uniform. I debated whether to have sex, but ultimately didn’t.
“Spock…what are you doing here?” It was the only thing Jim could think of to say and yet the words sounded wrong. His gaze dropped to the thing Spock held in his hand. “What’s that?”
Spock looked down at his fist, loosening it as he did so. “A…locket.”
Jim took a step forward, an automatic movement, because Spock was in distress. He hated to see Spock upset. “Are you…are you all right?”
“As I understand the question,” Spock said slowly. “The answer is no.”
“What’s wrong?”
Spock blinked rapidly and held out his hand toward Jim, the hand that held the locket, attached to a heavy ornate chain. “I was given this.”
Jim frowned. “By?”
Spock shook his head, his gaze unfocused. “My counterpart. I should…I will send it back. He should have it.”
“Spock, you aren’t making any sense.”
“There is a recording of his…bondmate on it. His T’hy’la.”
“He used that word the other day,” Jim whispered.
“For?”
His frown deepened. “Me.”
But Spock only nodded. “Yes. You. Because you are my T’hy’la. Just as you were, your counterpart was, for him.”
“Okay. But what is that?”
“There are no standard words that can explain it properly.” His fingers closed over the locket that Jim had not touched, and he drew his hand back. “The closest would be, perhaps, a soulmate.”
At that Jim laughed, which drew Spock’s surprise gaze to him.
“Sorry. I just…there’s nothing funny here. I get that. It’s just the idea that I would be anyone’s soulmate is really absurd let alone yours. I think we just, we were super attracted to each other physically, and then we fell in love because we like so many of the same things and we were both in Starfleet. Soulmates suggest some kind of pre-destiny and that’s way too much pressure to put on you. I don’t know what their relationship was before us, Spock. I know they were together because of some of the things he showed me and what he told me. But you don’t have to think you have to stick with me because of something they had or believed.”
“I felt it myself.”
“You…what?”
“Jim, there is nothing I can ever say or do to make up for my actions against you on the Enterprise.”
“You weren’t yourself.”
“That can and does not provide me any excuse. I allowed my emotions to overwhelm my sense of self, to overrule logic, and even my affection for you. That is hardly the actions of a logical Vulcan or even an appropriate Starfleet officer.”
“Well.” Jim took another tentative step toward Spock. “You’re human too. And that was…a lot to deal with. For anyone.”
This time he placed his hand on Spock’s arm, the one not holding the locket.
“When I think of my actions, I feel nothing but shame.” Spock exhaled long and slow. “I have felt that you and I were more than mere lovers, when we-we touched, but I never thought to analyze it closer in any way, because…”
When he didn’t continue, Jim figured he could probably guess the reason. “It was hard for you to think that what you and I had rose to the level of such serious lifetime commitment.”
The fast blink again. Jim thought, nailed that.
“Why are you here?” Jim asked again. “I thought, well, that we had said pretty much all there was to say. You’ve left Starfleet. You’re going to join the colonists, aren’t you?”
“I am here because my mother advised that she had gone to see you in the hospital and—”
“I told her not to.”
“She made it clear that you were under a number of misconceptions.”
Several heartbeats passed.
“Was I?” He realized he still had his hand on Spock’s arm but he didn’t release it. In fact, he curled his fingers around the soft yarn of the sweater.
“Jim, I…” Spock’s gaze strayed to the couch.
They’d chosen it together from a discount place a few blocks from the Academy. And why Jim thought about that day, he couldn’t say. But he’d been so hopeful then. So in love. Life was very much simpler that day.
“May we sit?”
Part of him wanted to say, no, just go and live your new life, but Jim would never let anyone call him a coward. Whatever this meant, he would hear it.
He nodded and finally removed his hand from Spock’s sleeve and walked over to sit on the couch. When Spock joined him there, he was somewhat surprised that Spock sat very close to him, as he always had, nearly on top of him, with no space between.
Spock looked at the nails of his hands, clutched in his lap. He looked there, anywhere, Jim supposed, but at him.
“When I refused to look too deeply into my deep affection for you, the feeling that we were very much more than we ought to be, as I had experienced, it was not at all a reflection upon you.”
“No?”
“As you are aware I had a brief relationship with Nyota when I first arrived. It was the most affection I had ever received from another besides my mother. As a child I was betrothed to T’Pring…”
“Yeah, you had told me.”
“We had no relationship and never spoke after the day our preliminary bond was set when we were children. But because of that, I had thought I was bonded to T’Pring, and so my belief that there was something much more tangible between you and me seemed…wishful thinking. I had never felt any such connection to Nyota and I had come to the conclusion that with you it was different because I had accepted the plain fact that I preferred males.”
“Okay.” Jim gave him an encouraging nod, though Spock still would not look at him.
“And then, more recently, I had become aware of rumors that T’Pring intended to end our bond as she had chosen the affections of someone else. I would not have fought her, for it was you I desired anyway.” Spock let out a little sigh of defeat. “T’Pring was among those who perished when Vulcan was destroyed.”
“Spock, I’m sorry.”
“We are both regretful that we could not have saved more occupants of Vulcan or the very planet itself, but there was nothing we could have done differently to alter the outcome Nero had orchestrated. Neither of us share any blame for that, Jim.”
Jim nodded, swallowed.
“And yet, as you aware, I was emotionally compromised. I almost lost my parents and you. I did lose my planet and many relatives and friends. I was not prepared for that. Nor for the loss of my captain to Nero. We train for such scenarios, I suppose, but no training can truly prepare you for it. I was filled with rage and a gaping hole within myself when I sent you away and it nearly cost your life.”
“Spock.”
Spock shook his head. Closed his eyes. “How is your leg?”
Jim placed his hand on Spock’s knee. “Look at me. Please.”
It took Spock several tries, but he finally managed to look at Jim. His eyes were very wet looking, though no tears actually fell.
“My leg is fine. My injuries will heal. I’m a lot better than I was. Bones released me. I’m okay. And I forgive you for sending me off the ship.”
“But—”
Jim reached for and received Spock’s hands. “You made a mistake, Spock. I know you aren’t used to making mistakes, but most of us humans make them frequently.”
“This mistake nearly cost you your life.”
“I know. But I think you learned your lesson that tossing me off the ship won’t work. I’ll find my way back.” He tried a smile.
“It is not funny.”
“Yeah. I don’t know how I would have acted in the same circumstances. You were under a lot of stress and my arguing with you was adding to it.”
“Yet you were right.”
“I know that too.” Jim chose not to add he knew it at the time, as well. This wasn’t about ‘I told you so’. “I forgive you. And someday you’ll forgive yourself.”
Spock moved his head and Jim knew his intention was to look away again, but Jim wouldn’t let him. All this was important. He put his hand up to Spock’s face, framing his jaw, and holding him there.
“When I…I lost complete control and irreparably harmed you—”
“I’m repaired.”
“Please. I need to finish saying all of this. Even before my father said my name, I…our connection burst into full life and I felt it, I knew that we shared a bond then, and even as I was reacting to that, my fingers still around your throat, I felt it…dying.”
“Spock,” Jim whispered.
“It could not stand the strain of what I, of all, would be doing to you, my T’hy’la. I nearly destroyed it even before I almost destroyed you.” Now a tear did fall from his eyes and onto his cheek. “I have never felt such utter and absolute shame and despondency. I should have taken my life rather than live with what I had done.”
“Spock, no.”
“I will not,” Spock said softly. “But the thought did occur, however briefly. It was for the harm I caused you that I thought leaving Starfleet and helping with the colony was for the best.”
“You didn’t even talk to me about it.”
“The shame.”
Jim shook his head and let go of Spock’s chin, returning his hand to rest upon Spock’s knee. “As I said, I’m not sure how I would have acted under those circumstances.”
“I am quite certain you would act as admirably as you always do.”
Jim laughed. “Wow. You are in love.”
“Jim—”
“Do I wish you had made different choices? Yeah. Starting with, I don’t know, you listened to what I had to say instead of instantly dismissing it. I get you didn’t want me to question you in front of everyone, but we could have talked privately. But okay, like I said, I knew you weren’t thinking like you in that moment. But if you hadn’t tossed me from the ship, I wouldn’t have met your counterpart or Scotty, and we wouldn’t have rescued Pike or saved Earth. So, whatever the reasons, it ended up being okay.”
“Jim—”
“No. This time, let me finish. I’m sorry for those things I had to say to you to get you to cede control of the ship to me. I had to make them really shitty and low and I regretted them even as I said them. I never want to hurt you. Ever. But…I won’t and can’t deny that your reaction was even more extreme than I had guessed it would be and the violence of it did scare me a little.”
Spock nodded, his Adam’s apple sliding down his throat
“But as I said before, I know you aren’t an abuser and that normally you would never raise a hand to me. I know you, Spock. I do.”
“If I had killed you…”
“You didn’t.”
“No. But my actions were unforgiveable. Even if you had not been my T’hy’la.”
Jim watched him for a moment. “But I am?”
“Yes. The ease of your meld with the elder me is explainable due to our connection.”
He eyed Spock. “You call that easy?”
Spock blew out a breath. “Not the contents of what he shared with you, no.”
“He told you?”
“Many things, that among them. I learned for certain you were my T’hy’la on the bridge, however, and yet he also confirmed it with his words and the locket he temporarily entrusted to me.”
“You never melded with me,” Jim pointed out. “I never really thought about why, but now, I can’t help but think about it.”
“I wish I had. Likely I would have discovered our true connection had I done so. Imposing such a thing on a strong, independent individual such as you, I thought…it was rather amazing to me that you were even willing to be with an anomaly such as me, I dared not think to subject you to melds you might find intrusive. The depth of my feelings for you was something I had never experienced and I wished to remain…cautious.”
“Spock, you aren’t an anomaly.”
“In fact, I am. That is something I have had to accept. However, if I had communicated more thoroughly with you when we were together, many of our misunderstandings and troublesome outcomes might have been avoided.”
“We both could have done better there.”
Spock shook his head. “There is nothing you have done wrong, Jim. You share no blame.”
Jim decided not to argue. He was tired of arguing. Tired of battles. And certainly tired of them with Spock. “What happens now? Are you going to the colony?”
“I cannot,” Spock said softly. “I have no desire to be parted from you. And as it happens I am not currently needed. My elder has already chosen a suitable planet for the colony. My parents intend to be a part of it, as well. And other Vulcans, who were fortunate not to be on the planet when it was destroyed, are also coming forward. Perhaps someday my assistance will be required in some way, but for now, I wish to do what feels right.”
Jim smiled slightly. “What feels right?”
“Advice from the Ambassador.”
He moved his hand from Spock’s knee, up his arm, and then down again, to trap Spock’s hand in his, rubbing their fingers together first.
“You resigned though, right?”
“I have…withdrawn my resignation,” Spock replied. “Though I am not at all certain I will be allowed to serve on the Enterprise.”
Jim stared into his dark eyes. “It’ll work out.”
“Jim.”
“It will.”
Spock closed his eyes and hung his head. “I will be paying for the harm I have done you for a long time, ashayam. Anywhere you go, I will follow you. But I will spend the entirety of my life reassuring you that you are my priority and I will protect you.”
“I don’t need a protector, Spock. I need a partner.”
Spock opened his eyes and looked at Jim. “Perhaps both?”
“We’ll work on it,” Jim whispered. He moved even closer, though honestly there was no space between them to speak of, and he moved against Spock until the Vulcan’s arms, finally, at last, came around him.
It felt like he had never been hugged before, stupid he knew because he had, but it had been far too long since Spock had held him. He had thought Spock never would again.
“Taluhk nash-veh k’dular.”
“Yeah?”
“Very much so. For a while, I allowed myself to forget. I will never again.”
Jim leaned into Spock, softly kissing his lips. “I love you. I’ll always love you. I loved you before I knew what love was and I will love you when the universe no longer exists.” He kissed him again, then rested his forehead against Spock’s. “And I don’t know if pre-destiny is at play or soulmates or just because you’re you and I’m me, but I can’t and don’t want to escape the truth of it.”
“Then you will forgive me?”
“Yes, Spock. I forgive you.”
****
Jim sat in the captain’s chair, perhaps clutching the arms a little harder than he should, but he was there. He was captain. It was like a dream.
“Mr. Sulu, prepare to engage thrusters.”
Suddenly the turbolift opened. Jim turned the chair to see Spock walk onto the bridge.
“Permission to come aboard, Captain.”
Jim could hardly contain his smile. “Permission granted.”
Spock approached, to stand next to Jim. “Reporting as first office, sir.”
“Welcome aboard, Commander. It’s my honor. Mr. Sulu?”
Sulu grinned. “Thrusters on standby.”
Jim watched as Spock looked around the bridge, gaze resting briefly on a smiling Uhura, then returning to Jim, brown eyes soft and warm.
“Take us out.”
“Aye, Captain.”
It felt good to be waiting to meet with Jim, Leonard thought, as he waited in his seat at the restaurant he’d arranged to meet Jim in while Leonard was briefly in San Francisco.
He hadn’t seen Jim since the last time he’d been there, a year ago, when Leonard had left Starfleet to return to Georgia to set up private practice and finally stay grounded on Earth, where he could attempt to have a relationship with his daughter.
But he’d come to San Francisco to pick up some medical equipment he needed in person, and honestly, it had made for the perfect excuse to catch up with Jim.
Just then the door to the restaurant flew open and Jim breezed in, literally, as it was quite windy outside, and his friend came in with a gust.
Jim was laughing, his face lit up by a smile, which was great to see, honestly.
Leonard stood and motioned him over, pulling Jim into a tight hug. “God, it’s great to see you.”
“And you.”
“Sit.” Leonard gestured. “Wow, you look—”
“Fat? Ugly?” Jim joked.
“Gorgeous, actually.”
And it was true. Jim looked well rested, tanned, his blue eyes sparkling. He wore a burgundy long-sleeved T-shirt that seemed molded to him, and his slacks, black dress ones, looked pressed and expensive.
Jim laughed again, and Leonard was struck how he seemed…happy. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were flirting with me.”
“You do know better,” Leonard said, dryly. “I took the liberty of ordering us a bottle of wine. Should be here any time.”
“Fantastic. And speaking of, you look pretty good yourself. Leaving Starfleet agrees with you.”
“Are the rumors true?”
“True?”
At the moment the wine sommelier arrived with their bottle and for the next five minutes they were occupied with tasting and then pouring glasses for each of them.
“Back to rumors,” Leonard said. “I’ve heard through sources that they’re finally going to make you a full admiral, Commodore.”
“Oh that.”
He snorted. “You say that like it’s nothing. You’re a big deal, Jim.”
“If you say so. And yeah, I guess they are true. I’m torn. Part of me wishes I could go up again, command of a ship—”
“Ten years wasn’t enough?”
“Oh, hardly. Anyway, I guess they want old men like me to be in charge of the brash young ones.”
“Which you were at one time.”
Jim sipped his wine. “Mm. Great choice.”
“Glad you approve. Still in that apartment?”
“Sure am.”
“Big place for just you.” Leonard shook his head.
“It’s not that big and who says it’s just me?”
Leonard lowered his glass to the table. “Damn! You’re with someone?”
Jim blushed. “Well.”
“No wonder you look so damn happy!” Leonard grinned and slapped the table. “That is good news. Great news in fact. I never thought you’d settle down, Jimmy boy. When did this happen?”
“Well.”
“Is that all you can say? Within the last year, I’d guess.”
Jim shifted. “Little longer.”
Leonard frowned. “You were with her when I saw you last year?”
Jim grimaced.
“Longer?”
Jim nodded.
“But…wait. You were together on the Enterprise?”
“Yeah.”
“How in the world were you with someone on the Enterprise and I didn’t know?”
Jim was bright red. “We kept it a secret, Bones. For, um, for a while, actually.”
“How long?” Leonard asked, dumbfounded.
“Last three years of the mission.”
“Plus this whole last year?”
Jim nodded.
Leonard felt hurt. He supposed he didn’t have a right, but…he did. “Why wouldn’t you tell me? Was she an ensign?”
“No. God. No. Nothing like that. For a long time, we just, it was so weird for us, everything, and I wasn’t even sure if I could get it right, Bones. And then we did and it was so private and intimate between us that for a long time neither of us wanted to spoil it.”
“Okay. Okay. Maybe. I get that. But what about the last year?”
Jim winced. “Well. Um. Actually, Bones, who I’m with, well, I included them for dinner. And uh—”
The door opened to the restaurant and Leonard turned around to look. Standing there, looking windswept, was Spock.
For a moment, Leonard’s brain didn’t catch up, and he wondered what Spock was doing there, and what a coincidence that he would be at the same restaurant he and Jim met at, but then Spock looked in their direction and walked toward them.
And it all made a strange sort of sense that he didn’t even think about before, but now, it was all he could think of. Yes. Of course. Spock. “Bones,” Jim said with a smile as he took Spock’s hand. “Spock is my husband.”
“Don’t move! Hold on! Computing gravitational pull and…gotcha!” Chekov exclaimed.
Jim slammed hard onto the transporter pad, Sulu right there with him. Sulu blinked at him, then turned to Chekov.
“Thanks.”
Even as he and Sulu moved to get up, the doors of the room opened and Spock rushed in.
“Clear the pad.”
Jim stepped down as Spock stepped up. “Wait. Spock. What are you doing? Are you going down there? Are you nuts? You can’t do that!”
“Watch me.”
Jaw tightening, Jim jumped back onto the pad next to Spock. “Then I’m going too.”
“There is no time to argue, Jim.”
“Then don’t.”
Spock gave a short nod. “Energize.”
They reappeared on Vulcan and before Jim could even think about what Spock planned, he was grabbing Jim’s arm and dragging him toward some ancient looking dwelling.
“The Katric ark,” was all Spock said.
The ground beneath them shook violently. Jim ducked falling debris.
There surrounding artifacts were Spock’s parents and several Vulcan elders.
“Spock! Jim!” Amanda exclaimed.
“The planet only has seconds left. We must evacuate now. Mother now!”
They ran for it, running out of the dwelling, Spock holding on to his mother the entire way. Right next to Jim a giant statue broke apart and landed on the Vulcan running beside him.
Outside, Spock pulled out his communicator. “Spock to Enterprise. Get us out now.”
“Locking on you,” Chekov’s voice. “Don’t move. Stay right where you are now.”
Jim felt the ground falling away. Eyes wide, he saw that Amanda was right on the edge.
“Shit!”
“No!” Spock yelled.
Jim lunged at her, arms ensnaring her waist just as Spock lost his grip on her. The transporter activated and Jim watched as the others disappeared.
“Jim,” Amanda cried.
“Hang on.” They began to fall as Jim desperately clawed for the edge of the cliff. “Don’t let go.”
“Jim! I…”
Suddenly he felt his particles breaking up and a moment later he reappeared on the transporter, arms tightly around Amanda. She clung to him.
“Oh, oh my.”
“Hey,” Jim whispered. “You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
****
“Have you confirmed that Nero is headed for Earth?” Spock asked Uhura.
“Their trajectory suggests no other destination, Captain.”
“Earth may be his next destination, but we have to assume every Federation planet is a target,” Jim said, sitting in the captain’s chair.
“Out of the chair,” Spock said curtly.
“If the Federation is a target, why not destroy us?” Chekov asked.
Sulu glanced at him. “Why would they? Why waste the weapons? We aren’t a threat.”
“No,” Spock replied. “He wanted me to see the destruction of my home planet.”
Bones brushed past Jim to speak up. “How the hell did they do that? Where did the Romulans get that kind of weaponry?”
“The engineering comprehension necessary to artificially create a black hole may suggest an answer. Such technology could theoretically be manipulated to create a tunnel through space-time.”
“Damn it, man. I’m a doctor, not a physicist. Are you actually suggesting those Romulans are from the future?”
“If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”
“Then, what would an angry future Romulan want with Captain Pike?” Jim asked. “What we need to do is catch up to that ship. Disable it, take it over, and get Pike back.”
“A rescue attempt would be illogical. We are outmatched in every way.”
Chekov shook his head. “The ship would have to drop out of warp for us to overtake him.”
“Then, we assign engineering crew to try and boost our warp gear.”
“Remaining power and crew are focused on repairing radiation leaks on the lower decks.”
“Spock, there’s got to be some way.”
He shook his head. “We must gather with the rest of Starfleet to balance the terms of the next engagement.”
Jim sighed in frustration. “There won’t be a next engagement because by the time we’ve gathered, it’ll be too late. If you say he’s from the future, he knows what’s going to happen, so the logical thing is to be unpredictable.”
“You are assume that Nero knows how events are predicted to unfold. To the contrary, his very presence has altered the flow of history, beginning with the attack on the USS Kelvin, and culminating in the events of today. Thereby creating an entire new chain of events that cannot be anticipated by either party. Whatever our lives might have been, our destinies have changed. Mr. Sulu, plot a course to the Laurentian system warp factor three.”
“Spock, no,” Jim pleaded. “Running back to the rest of the fleet is a massive waste of time.”
“Captain Pike issued orders when he left…”
“He also ordered us to go back and get him. Spock, you’re captain now. You have to be…”
“I am aware of my responsibilities, Mr. Kirk.”
“Every second we waste, Nero is getting closer to his next target. I will not allow us to go backwards instead of hunting Nero down!”
Spock’s jaw clenched as he glared at Jim. “Security, get him off the bridge.”
The security guards bore down on Jim, who struck one in the face.
“Jim,” Bones cried. “No.”
Spock approached Jim, hand out, Jim shook his head.
“Get him off this ship.”
“Jim, wake up. Sweetheart, wake up.”
Jim gasped and sat up straight.
Amanda smiled. “There you are. Back with me?”
Jim looked around the hospital room, breathing heavily.
“Deep breath, Jim. Let it out. Inhale, exhale. There you go.” She squeezed his hand. He hadn’t realized she was holding it. “Better?”
Jim nodded, swallowing.
“Bad one?”
“A memory dream.”
She perched herself on the edge of his bed. “You said my name. Spock’s too.”
“I was dreaming of when I rescued you before Vulcan was destroyed,” Jim admitted. “And after.”
“Understandable. Humans have to process these things somehow, don’t we? I’ve had a few uneasy dreams lately myself.” She paused. “Some where you were not there and I fell to my death.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It is no matter. You haven’t been taking care of yourself. Here you are in the hospital.”
“I’m being released today.”
“So I have been told. You’ll come stay with us, of course.”
Jim shook his head. “No.”
“Now, Jim. There’s no point in arguing with me.”
“I agree. Amanda, I guess you haven’t heard, but, uh, Spock and I aren’t…we’re not together anymore.”
“What?” Her hands went to her face. “You-you broke up with him?”
“Huh? No. No. He…well, I mean. Sorta. But he was going to…”
“Spock wouldn’t have ended your relationship,” she insisted. “He loves you.”
“Maybe he did once. But he woke up.” Jim paused. “Or I did. Whichever. The point is, Amanda, the events surrounding everything Nero did, well, it-it was too much for Spock. He’s resigned from Starfleet.”
“What?”
“Yeah. Pike told me. Not Spock. And he’s going to go help with the Vulcan colony.” He moistened his lips with his tongue. “I can’t even blame him.”
“Well, I can. None of this makes any sense, Jim.”
“How can it not? I’m sorry. I am. I really really wanted us to be a-a family for-forever, but it’s just, it’s not going to happen. Sometimes love doesn’t survive something like this. And it hasn’t now. I mean, I’m always going to care about him. So much. But surely you can see that it does make sense.”
Amanda stood. “What I’m going to do is bring Spock here.”
“Please don’t.”
“Jim…”
“Please?” He pleaded with her. “This is all hard enough on him as it is. He’s lost so much and I don’t want to add anything else to his pain. So, please, don’t bother him. Okay? Not about me.”
She bit her lip and Jim could tell she wanted very much to argue with him. But instead she sighed, and nodded, then moved forward to give him an all too brief hug.
As she pulled back she said, “Are you sure you don’t want to come home with me?”
He smiled. It was forced. “I’m sure. I’ve got the apartment. I’ll be fine until the Enterprise goes out.”
“Okay.” Amanda walked to the door of his room. Then turned to fix him with her motherly stare. “And I don’t care what you say or think, Jim. I know my son. He loves you.”
As soon as she left, Jim got out of bed and got ready to leave. Bones had said he’d be by later in the day to release him, but Jim figured he was okay to release now. He didn’t need Bones mothering him anymore than he’d needed Amanda. He was going to be fine on his own. He’d been that way before and had lived through it.
The hover cab pulled up in front of his apartment building. Jim’s hand went to his throat.
“Come on, Spock. Your whole planet was just destroyed. We barely rescued your parents. Some of the elders we tried to help died. Your own grandmother was killed. You have to feel something about all of that. You’re not a robot despite what others say.”
“I will not allow you to goad me into some emotional outburst.”
“Are emotions so shameful? Do you even love me? Spock, your mother is human. Don’t you feel love for her? She’s got to be devastated and you’ve not even said one word to her since you came back to the ship. I’m starting to wonder if you even love her or anybody. Maybe they’re right. You aren’t even upset. Did you see his ship? Did you see what he did?”
“Yes, of course.”
“You’ve said before that fear is necessary for command. Are you afraid or not?”
“I will also not allow you to lecture me on the merits of emotions.”
“Then why don’t you stop me, Spock? What is it like not to feel heartbreak or anger? Does it even compute to you how close you came to losing her? Losing both of us?”
“Back away from me,” Spock said coldly.
“You don’t love her!”
“Mister, we’re here.”
Jim realized the cab driver had been trying to get his attention for a while.
“Oh. Thanks.” Jim smiled. Hit the pay with his credit chip, added a tip, and got out of the cab. He stood on the sidewalk, watching it leave.
Nothing lasts forever, except memories.
He entered the building, walked up the stairs instead of the lift, and then headed to the third floor where his apartment was.
He swiped his hand across the scanner and the door popped open. He was about to take out his communicator to let Bones know he’d left the hospital when he saw someone standing by the sliding glass door to the balcony.
Jaw dropping open, Jim stared at the broad back, clad in a charcoal gray sweater. “Spock?”
Spock turned then to face him. He looked…wrecked. Dark eyes wet. Something was clutched in his hand though Jim could not see what it was.
“Ashaya,” he whispered.
For someone who was going to end this blog, you can’t get me to shut up.
Updated Orchestral Maneuvers today. Fun story. I’m loving the guys.
Yesterday I updated Didn’t We Almost Have it All. Love those guys too.
Also wrote the 9th chapter of I Will Follow You into the Dark. Love those…do you see a pattern here?
I sure do.
The purpose here is I got an idea for a shortish Starfleet Academy story. Somehow something one of them reads gives them the idea to switch romantic partners for a week. There are rules. Like it’s all pretend really, that sort of thing. Jim is with Gaila and Spock with Nyota. So they switch and Gaila is with Nyota for a week and Spock with Jim. And as Jim and Spock spend more time together it becomes much much more serious than the two of them imagined (as a side not for anyone worried about the gals, they’d get more cozy too). What do you think?
Jim reads fan-fiction about K/S and Spock catches him (thanks for the prompt ES, was a fun one)
“What are you doing, Captain?”
Jim jumped what surely was ten feet in the air. “Spock! Shit! You scared the crap out of me.”
Spock frowned at Jim, who was sitting tucked away way in the corner on a couch in the mostly empty recreation room. “Why would you be frightened?”
“Well. Not scared. I know you aren’t going to strangle me or anything. Not this time.” He winked and was pleased when Spock’s cheeks turned green. He then looked guiltily down at his PADD. “Um. I-I was reading.”
“Reports? If you are behind, I can assist you.”
“No. No. Not reports. Something…something else.”
There went the head tilt. “You read ‘real books’ as you call them when you read for pleasure. Is there some troublesome matter at home that you received a message?”
“No.” Jim put the PADD face down on the table, feeling very embarrassed and definitely flustered and frankly a bit turned on. “Stuff online.”
“Online.”
“There’s this site where, um, people write things.” Jim rubbed the back of his neck. “There’s-there’s a section about us.”
“The Enterprise?”
He traced his lips with his tongue. “No. Us. You and me.”
Spock stared. Suddenly he reached for Jim’s PADD before Jim could stop him. Spock glanced at the screen. Then at Jim, then back at the screen.
“I am not even certain that is possible.”
“Well.”
Spock shook his head. “And I certainly do not have…” He stopped and looked reproachfully at Jim. “Which, of course, you know.”
Jim shrugged guiltily. “I know. But, well, it, they, it’s kind of fascinating.”
“Fascinating.”
“And hot.”
“But, Jim, they have invented parts of me that I simply do not—”
“I know.” Jim grinned. “Believe me I know.”
Spock gave him another look. “They do seem to have your character down correctly.”
Jim narrowed his eyes. “How so?”
“The begging, the whimpering, and the—”
Jim snatched his PADD back. “Okay. Enough of that. It’s time to quit and go to bed.”
Spock took the PADD back, swiped his finger over the screen, and then handed it back to Jim, who noticed the page had disappeared, and it was back to his Starfleet homepage. “That is enough of that.”
“Spoilsport.”
“If you want to know about the ways we ‘get it on’, you will only have to wait ten minutes until we reach our quarters.”
Jim grinned. “I know.” They fell into step beside each other. “I don’t beg.”
Spock arched a brow.
“Much.”
So my brother from Kansas visited us recently. Originally both he and his wife were coming, but his wife’s mother was close to passing away, so she stayed behind. My brother came, visited with mom, and will be going back today. His wife’s mother did pass away on Tuesday. She was 91 and had dementia for a number of years.
I fasted on Wednesday after indulging far too many days in a row. During the celebrating for Mom I indulged in a bottle of wine. Back to reality now and watching it.
Today is, of course, the first day of August. There’s a flash on Friday (I don’t actually remember what it is I wrote right now!). And of course Chapter 8 of I Will Follow You was up yesterday. With only two to go, hopefully things will get better for Jim!
Spreadsheet-wise My Devotion is up next but we’ll see when I get to it. Probably not until next week. But I did update Transfer Request, The Sight, and The Mysterious One this week. I might finish I Will Follow You first or even get more done on Stranded 3.
Not much going on this weekend that I know of, which is the way I like it. Supposed to be toasty though.
Hope everyone enjoys
“You were not honest with me regarding your physical state.”
Jim shrugged. “You had enough to deal with.”
“Nevertheless, I should have been informed.”
He looked away from Spock, because just then he felt almost stupidly shy. Which probably was a little crazy. “Why is that?”
Spock took a long time to reply to that. Not especially long for others, but long for Spock. He seldom struggled for words, generally speaking his mind.
“We are engaged in a relationship,” was his quiet reply.
Jim’s gaze flitted back to Spock. “Are-are we? Still?”
“Explain.”
“Well.” Jim ran his hand down his chest over his heart. He noted that Spock followed his every move. “I guessed perhaps given the way things went down between us on the Enterprise—”
“You speak of my marooning you on Delta Vega.”
“No.” Jim shook his head. “I know I was insubordinate. Although you wouldn’t listen at all.”
“I was angry.”
“Yeah, I know. But even though, sure, I almost got eaten by two monsters down there—” Jim paused, admittedly happy to see Spock wince—“but I met the other you who helped the situation quite a bit, so no, I wasn’t talking about that.”
“My emotional compromise.”
“Mm.” Jim fell silent.
“I do not blame you for your reticence. I did physically assault you.”
“Because I deliberately antagonized you.”
“Still, I am certain you did not expect the level of my violence.”
Jim couldn’t deny that, not really, so he didn’t. He looked away again. “When I was a little boy, my stepfather used to hurt me. My mom got rid of him, when she knew, but it wasn’t always easy.”
“Jim, I—”
“I know you’re nothing like Frank. I know that, Spock. But up until that moment, you had never ever hurt me, and I guess when I set out to emotionally compromise you, it hadn’t occurred to me that-that you could get that way…with me. I expected you to flip out a little, sure, that was the point. But if your dad hadn’t yelled, you might have actually…”
“Killed you.”
“Maybe. Yeah. And I’m still a little uneasy with that.”
Spock nodded. It was his turn to look away. “You wish to end our relationship.”
“No. But don’t you?”
“No.”
“Spock, look at me. It’s okay.”
Spock did then, though there was a tremendous amount of sorrow there.
“I know under ordinary circumstances you are not an abuser. I know that. And nothing about any of that was ordinary. But I also know that you and your whole family want to help with finding a colony for Vulcan, and considering all that, if you’re leaving, it makes sense that our relationship ends. Doesn’t it?”
He didn’t give a verbal reply, but he did nod.
Jim rubbed his chest again. His whole soul ached right now really. But his chest was a place he could concentrate right now, over his heart.
“Who am I to interfere? I’m going to be on the Enterprise. And you’re going to be where you need to be. Sometimes life just doesn’t work out the way we expected. That’s the way it goes. The time we’ve had together has been the best ever. It has. And I’m pretty sure I’m going to love you for a long time. But you’re needed elsewhere.”
Spock pursed his lips, but said nothing. He leaned over, though, and placed a chaste kiss on Jim’s forehead. “I-I have to…”
Jim nodded. “I know.”
The Vulcan turned then and left the hospital room without another word. Jim stared at the now empty doorway. It would have been nice to get even a slight argument from Spock, that Jim was wrong, they’d stay together through anything, or even a declaration of undying love from Spock, but Jim should have known better. Those kinds of things happened to other people.
A few minutes later, Bones came in bearing a tray of food. None of it looked like hospital food, Jim noted. There was a hamburger and fries, carrot cake, and a chocolate shake.
He frowned. “Where did this all come from?”
“Went out and got it.”
“Oh.” Jim nodded. “Thanks. Thanks, Bones.”
“Listen, Jim. Are you all right?”
He smiled. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Bones made a face and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I saw Spock leave. Things didn’t look good.”
“Oh. That. It’s, um, it’s over.” He shrugged.
“I’m sorry, Jim.”
“Sorry?” Jim laughed. “I thought you’d be happy or at least say I told you so.”
“I don’t ever want you to be hurt.”
“I know.” His smile fell away. “But I knew it would never last, right? I mean what would a Vulcan see in someone like me? I’m as illogical as they come, Bones. We both know that.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you at all, Jim.”
He looked at the food. “This looks great, Bones. Thank you. I’m sure this is against some kind of regulation.”
Bones smiled, squeezed Jim’s arm. “Probably. Eat. And I’ll come back and check on you in a bit.”
Jim took a big bite to show Bones he was eating. Then he put it back on the plate when Bones was gone. Closed his eyes. “Bye, Spock.”
Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto) 