Here is the full flash

Ten years earlier…

“Don’t walk away from me in the middle of this!” Jim shouted. He was furious. He couldn’t remember when he was this angry.

Spock took a step back and shook his head. “I require meditation.”

“Meditation? Are you fucking kidding me? Right now?”

His eyes were impossibly dark. “I require meditation at this exact moment so that I do not give into the desire to strangle you.”

Jim gasped. “Are we really fucking back to that? Just try it, mister, and I’ll have you court martialed before you can say Kobayashi Maru!”

Bones stepped in and put his hand on Jim’s arm. “Jim, take a deep breath. Calm down.”

Jim felt enraged. “I don’t want to fucking calm down, Bones. I’m done.”

“Jim—”

“Nope. Fuck you, Spock. You can go straight to hell.”

And with that he stormed off and away.

Ten years later…

“It was great having dinner with you, Captain. I mean admiral,” Sulu quickly corrected himself. He glanced at his husband and now young adult daughter, Demora. “We all enjoyed it.”

Jim smiled. “Jim will do. It was great for me too. I can’t believe you’re entering the Academy, Demora.”

She blushed a little. “Yes, sir. I hope to be a pilot like Dad.”

Jim winked. “You have lofty aspirations, but I have no doubt you’ll succeed.”

They stepped outside of the restaurant and on to the San Francisco street. It was a little cool, so Jim pulled his coat around him.

“You want us to give you a lift to your apartment?” Sulu asked.  

“No, that’s all right. I don’t mind the walk and it’s not that far.”

Sulu hesitated but then nodded. “You ever hear from Spock, sir?”

“Spock? No. We don’t keep in touch.”

“I just thought…never mind. I guess he’s probably on New Vulcan.”

“Maybe so.”

Ben spoke up then. “If you aren’t doing anything for Christmas, Jim, we’d love to have you over to our place. I make a great turkey.”

Jim shook his head. “Actually, I’m meeting Bones in Aspen, Colorado. I leave in a couple of days.”

“Oh.” Sulu’s expression brightened. “That’s good. Give Leonard our best.”

“I will.”

He gave Demora a quick hug, and then her parents too. “Merry Christmas.”

Then despite their offer again of a ride, Jim continued on his way.

****

After Jim stopped at the check-in desk at the Aspen resort to be told that his room wasn’t quite ready yet, he asked about Bones.

“I’m supposed to be meeting Leonard McCoy here. Has he arrived?”

The desk clerk smiled. “There is someone waiting for you out those double doors on the patio. We have heat lamps out there and you can order drinks.’

“Great, thank you.”

It was cold out but the only snow at the moment was already on the ground, so he felt going outside with heat lamps would be just fine. The place was supposed to have an indoor bar too so if it got too cold, he and Bones could move inside.

The double doors opened automatically at his approach, and Jim stepped outside. It was late afternoon so much of the patio had started to be in shadows, but then Jim spotted him, and his heart nearly stopped.

As though in a dream he walked over.

“Spock?”

Spock stood and looked as startled as Jim felt. “Jim?”

He didn’t to look around to know Bones wasn’t there.

“Sit down.”

And Jim pulled out the seat across from Spock, which was just under a heat lamp. In front of Spock was what looked apple cider and in front of Jim was a hot buttered rum.

Spock returned to his seat. “What are you doing here?”

“I had plans to meet Bones.” Jim paused. “And you?”

“Nyota,” Spock said softly. “I was even told to order that drink.”

Jim’s heart rate went somewhat back to normal. “I think we’ve been had.”

“I would agree.”

Jim picked up the drink and took a sip as he surveyed Spock. It was as though ten years hadn’t passed for the Vulcan. He looked just the same. And Jim knew that wasn’t true for him. He had more wrinkles and more gray hair.

He swallowed his pride. It was a tough thing.

“I miss you. All the time. Every day.”

When Spock didn’t reply, Jim chanced a look at the other man and saw that Spock had his eyes closed and wore a pained expression. As Jim observed him, Spock opened his eyes and there was unmistakable pain there.

“It has never been the same without you. I miss you.”

Jim took a chance and put his hand out toward Spock, who grasped and held it.

“Have we wasted these ten years, Spock?”

“Yes.”

Jim laughed, a miserable laugh. “No one has been you. Believe me I’ve tried.”

Spock nodded. “I have not tried.”

“Not once?” Jim asked, surprised.

“Never. You were the only one for me then and still.”

“Oh, God. Spock, I’m so so sorry.”

“It is I who owe the apology.”

“No. It was me. You know what? Let’s not do that. How the fight started or who was wrong or right, does it matter? God, just seeing you…I don’t know why I’ve stayed so fucking stubborn all this time.”

“Sirs?” A waitress stopped by their table. She handed Jim a red envelope. “I was told to give this to you.”

Then she walked away and Jim slid it open. There was a holiday card with a note inside.

“Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and Happy New Year. By now you must know we’re not coming and we set this up for you two lugheads to get back together. You should never have been apart let alone for this long. We booked you two into the honeymoon suite from now until the end of the year. Don’t waste this opportunity.”

Jim put the note down. “Well. Lugheads. That was Bones.”

“Most certainly. And Nyota would be responsible for the honeymoon suite.”

Jim took another sip of the hot buttered rum. “It would be stupid not to take advantage of this opportunity.”

“Agreed.”

“The note even says so.” Jim looked at Spock. “Do you-do you want to?”

“More than anything,” Spock whispered. “These last ten years…not to be dramatic or illogical…have been torture.”

Jim frowned. “Wait. Pon Farr?”

“Since I had no bond, I did not experience it,” Spock admitted. “You and I never completed a bond and the one I had with T’Pring was severed upon her death in the destruction of Vulcan.”

“I…I’m glad you didn’t have to find a way to survive that.”

“It ended up being a fortunate thing we had not bonded prior to our estrangement.”

“Yeah, fortunate,” Jim whispered. He released Spock’s hand, stood and went to stand before Spock. “I really want to touch you now.”

Spock stood also and pulled Jim into his arms. They held each other very close and very tight for a long time.

“I love you,” Jim said softly.

“I love you,” Spock returned.

Snow began to fall in that moment which made Jim shiver in Spock’s arms.

The double doors opened.

“Gentlemen? Your room is ready.”

Jim laughed against Spock’s neck, pulled back and kissed him deeply. It was like coming home. “Shall we?”

“Yes.”

And with their arms wrapped around each other they entered the resort to go to the honeymoon suite.  

May the holiday season warm you. Happy Holidays!