Thinking Out Loud Again

So, I am thinking of revisiting a story in 2021 that I had deleted. I am attaching what I wrote here for you to see and get your thoughts.

A few caveats

1. I will probably revise some of this. Not all. But some. I may or may not have borrowed some of the first part for another fic. I honestly don’t remember, but because of that I would probably revise that some.
2. The prompt, originally from foreverandeveralone I believe, was that Jim is suspected of a crime, but Spock believes in Jim and his innocence. This would continue to be the case.
3. The original title was Truth or Consequences, but I am not sure I like that title and might rename it something else.
4. This will be a bit down the road in 2021 (of course with the understanding I survive to do this), so if you are waiting for the conclusion or continuations of some other fics after My Devotion, no worries, I am still going to work on finishing some others before tackling this one. It’s just been in my thoughts for a while
5. This is a bit long to read…but I thank you.

Chapter 1: A Moonlit Stroll

“So I guess this is supposed to simulate moonlight,” Jim commented as he and Spock walked along a path on Yorktown.

“For what purpose?” Spock inquired, hands linked behind his back.

“To appear romantic I guess.” He shot a quick glance at Spock. “Not that we’re trying to be romantic or anything.”

Spock appeared to dismiss that bit of silliness without further thought. “As this is a space station, there would be no moonlight, so to produce artificial moonlight for aesthetic purposes is highly illogical.”

“Okay, Spock.”

“Furthermore I have never quite understood Terran fascination for moonlight. It is merely the reflection of light from the sun and there are no magical properties.”

Jim nodded wearily. “Okay, Spock.”

“Are you all right, Captain? You seem particularly out of sorts.”

“Just tired I guess. You can go back to doing whatever it was you were doing. Mission reports. Or-or, you know, socializing with Uhura.”

“Since you have just barely recovered from your recent engagement with Krall, I suspect you would benefit from additional respite.”

Jim sighed and stopped to lean against a pillar, gazing up at the artificial moonlight. “It’s just the last few hours of my birthday, I wanted a little walk. But I guess you’re right. Walking on Yorktown isn’t quite what it would be on Earth or some other similar planet.”

“What has happened to the doctor?”

And Jim tried not to think that Spock was attempting to push his pathetic captain off on Bones, but really, it did seem like that.

“Called away on a medical emergency. Really, Spock. It’s fine. You can go.”

Spock took half a step closer. “Does it hurt?”

Jim knew by the slight shift of Spock’s shoulders toward his eye that he meant his black eye. “Just a little. I’ve had worse. How about you? How do you feel?”

“I am fully recovered.”

“I doubt that.”

“I assure you, Captain, I am functioning at optimal levels.”

He smiled a little. “That’s good to know.” He paused. “I think…I’m procrastinating, of course.”

“Procrastinating?”

“I need to call my mother. Today isn’t only my birthday.”

“I understand,” Spock said with a sharp nod. “Unfortunately, it is not something I can assist you with, Captain.”

“Yeah, I know.” He moistened his lips. “She cries. Even after all this time.”

Spock said nothing to that, he just looked vaguely uncomfortable. And who could blame him? So was Jim.

“I will leave you to it.”

Jim nodded and watched as Spock, shoulders stiff, began to walk away, away from the fake moonlit path. “Spock?”

He stopped. Turned. “Yes, Captain?”

“We’re-we’re friends, right?”

“Indeed.”

“Because lately, I don’t know, we seem to have drifted away from that a little.”

“Perhaps,” Spock acknowledged. “I apologize for my part in distancing us.”

“No, it’s all right.” He straightened from the pillar. “Just…I really don’t want to be alone right now, so, do you think, even though it’s fake and all, you might just walk a little further with me?”

For a moment, Jim was sure Spock would refuse his pathetic, whiny request. But then he returned to Jim’s side.

Spock gestured to the path. “Shall we?”

Jim smiled and fell into place next to his first officer.

****

“Spock, have you seen Jim?” Dr. McCoy approached as Spock headed into a lift to go back toward where the captain’s party had been held.

“Yes, doctor, he just went to contact his mother,” Spock said.

McCoy frowned. “Oh. Well. I guess he’s going to want to be alone for that.” He stepped into the lift with Spock.

“The captain said you had a medical emergency?”

McCoy gave a dismissive snort. “Nah, it was nothing. Minor thing. Where you off to now? Back to the party? I think it’s still going on. Uhura’s there.”

Spock nodded. “Most likely that is where I will go.”

The lift opened and they got off.

“So, you two are back together then?”

“I am not quite certain,” Spock said honestly. “We have not had any meaningful discussion.”

“And what about New Vulcan? Changed your mind?”

“I have decided to stay with Starfleet.”

The doctor nodded. “Ever mention it to Jim?”

“I have not. Considering I have decided not to leave after all a discussion of that nature seemed moot.”

He smirked. “You were chicken.”

Spock raised a brow. “Doctor?”

“You were afraid of how he would react so you decided to avoid telling him.”

“I am hardly afraid of the captain.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. Anyway, I guess I’ll go back to the party too. Think Jim’ll be back?”

Spock considered their captain’s mood and shook his head. “Doubtful.”

“That’s too bad.” They turned toward the entrance of the party and entered the room.

****

Jim disconnected from his mother and held his head in his hands. No worse than usual, he guessed. Except that she had heard about his battle with Krall and spent a good deal of their time lecturing him on continuously endangering his life. Like he’d had a choice anyway.

He lowered his hands and glanced around his temporary quarters. They were pretty nice, really. Nicer than what he’d had on the Enterprise. They reminded him of a room he’d had on Risa a year or so ago when he’d been on shore leave. Except in that room there was a giant hot tub Jim had enjoyed very much with two Risian females and one Risian male. Was it a year ago or more? He couldn’t quite recall.

Jim stood up and his stomach roiled. “Fuck,” he groaned out loud. The room swam before his eyes. He’d obviously had more to drink than he realized. Usually it didn’t affect him this way. He took a couple of deep breaths, willing the weird pain in his stomach to go away and also the dizziness.

He took a step forward and landed on his knees. Sharply. Alcohol rose up, burning his esophagus. In the distance he heard the door to his room open.

“Bones?”

As far as he knew Bones was the only one who had access to his room here on Yorktown. And his best friend always had a sort of sixth sense when something was wrong with him.

“In here. I don’t feel so good.”

Someone appeared directly in front of him but with long, shapely feminine legs. Jim leaned back to look up at her but she was a blur. Her uniform was red.

“Who are you?” he managed to gasp out, around the burn in his throat. He was feeling worse and he was pretty sure he was about to vomit. ‘

She said something but it sounded all distorted and worbally.

“Help-help me.”

****

When next Jim woke, Yorktown’s day appeared to have started judging by the artificial light beaming into his room. He was in his bed, which was really odd, since he couldn’t recall how he got there. He stared up at the ceiling. His stomach no longer hurt but he still felt a little off.

He sat up, noticing for the first time he was not alone in the bed. A woman lay next to him, her blonde hair spread out all over the pillow like a fan. The sheet was pulled up to her bare shoulder. There was something familiar about her too.

What the fuck? He didn’t remember bringing anyone back to his room. But he also realized he had no clothes on, not even his boxer briefs, which he usually slept in. Jim had never blacked out after alcohol in his life.

“Um, Good morning?”

He put his hand on her shoulder and frowned when she felt ice cold. He shook her a little but nothing. No reaction. And his stomach suddenly felt sick again, this time with dread.

He lowered the sheet as he attempted to turn her over and that’s when he saw the dagger sticking through her chest, her green eyes staring straight ahead. Blood pooled under her where she’d lay.

“Christ!” Jim scrambled out of bed.

He did recognize her, too. Ensign Rogers from the enterprise. He thought her first name was Anel.

The door to his room chimed.

Before he had time to react, it chimed again and then again in quick succession. He heard voices outside the door and then it burst open. Jim grabbed a pillow to hold over his crotch.

Four Yorktown security guards burst inside, followed by the manager of the temporary quarters.

They all stared at Ensign Rogers lying dead in the bed.

“Captain Kirk?” one of them demanded.

“Yeah.”

“You’re going to have to come with us, sir.”

“Uh.”

“Get dressed, Captain. Now.”

Chapter 2: Familiarity

“Look, can I get dressed in the bathroom?” Jim asked as he continued to clutch the pillow in front of him. Normally he wasn’t particularly shy about his naked body, but under the circumstances—

One of the guards walked over to the bathroom and stepped inside, presumably to search it. For what? Weapons? A secret escape route? Jim was not stupid. He knew how this looked and he knew why they were staring at him with baleful glares.

“Looks like it’s clear,” the guard announced coming back out.

Jim nodded and did a quick search for his clothes. He saw the clothes the shirt he’d worn to the party but it was ripped to shreds.

A guard nearby took it from him. “Evidence. The pants too. Find something new to wear…sir.”

The derision in his tone was clear enough. Jim managed to slink over to the closet without exposing too much of himself.

“What-what brought you here anyway?”

“We got word of a disturbance in this room. A woman screaming during the night.” A guard turned to the manager. “When the crime scene people get in, let them in straight away.”

Jim chose his clothes and then scooped up his communicator.

“You can leave that here,” the guard who searched the bathroom stated flatly.

“I’m allowed to call someone, right? I’m going to notify my first officer.”

“No funny business, Captain.”

“I’m clearly unarmed,” Jim said with extreme patience. He was on the verge of a panic attack but he was holding it together. So far.

He went into the bathroom and left the door ajar, figuring it was the best thing to do with these guys. He’d chosen to wear his uniform and he dressed in it quickly.

Then he flipped open his communicator.

“Kirk to Spock.”

He loved how reliable Spock was.

“Spock here.”

“Spock, I’m in trouble.”

A slight pause.

“Jim?”

“There are guards here in my quarters and they’re-I think they’re arresting me. Ensign Rogers is dead. Found dead in my room.” Jim glanced at the door. “Stabbed.”

“Say nothing until I am there, Captain.”

“Spock—”

“Nothing. I am on my way. I will meet you there.”

****

“I suppose they’ve read you your rights.”

Jim stiffened at the familiar voice. His whole body suddenly chilled and he had to fight the urge to shake. He turned from the window he had been gazing out in the locked room they’d left him in at Yorktown HQ. Just before he’d been placed in there, he spotted Commodore Paris. Her look had been sympathetic.

He made himself speak calmly. “Gary.”

Gary Mitchell, rank of Commander, smiled at Jim, but it was not a pleasant smile even on his handsome face. “Hello, Jim. Long time no see.”

Well, that was certainly true. He had been spared Gary since his academy days.

“What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I’m in charge of the investigation into the murder of Ensign Rogers.”

“You’re stationed on Yorktown?”

“A recent event, but yes.” Gary crossed his arms and leaned against the nearest wall. “I have to say, Jim, I never expected you to be so sloppy. The evidence against you is overwhelming.”

“I didn’t kill her.”

“Oh, is that what you’re going with? I half expected you to go with you murdered her during a psychotic fugue.”

“Commander Mitchell.” Spock appeared in the doorway right behind Gary.

He turned with a thin smile. “I would have expected you to contact your lapdog.”

“Captain Kirk has been released into my custody,” Spock said coolly.

Gary straightened from the wall, his face turning red with anger. “Who the hell authorized that? I’m in charge of this investigation.”

“Commodore Paris, actually.”

Gary glanced toward Jim. “Your heroism in saving Yorktown won’t help you to get away with the rape and murder of an innocent young woman, Kirk.”

Jim barely refrained from blanching at the accusation of rape.

“Come, Captain,” Spock said.

“I still need to question him,” Gary said quickly.

“Which you will do when his attorney arrives,” Spock replied.

“You’ve already gotten him an attorney? Oh, you are good, Mister Spock.” Gary watched Jim walk past him to join Spock. “Who is his attorney?”

“Sarek.”

“Your father? The ambassador?” Gary asked incredulously. “He hasn’t practiced Federation law in decades.”

“Nevertheless he has kept his knowledge current.” Spock grabbed Jim’s arm and Jim was aware he was moving in a bit of a fog.  

Spock led him to the nearest lift and when Jim opened his mouth to speak, Spock shook his head. They reached the bottom floor and Spock, his hand still on Jim’s arm, led him out of the building and to the nearest transport.

Jim didn’t even try to speak on the way to the building that housed temporarily held the Enterprise. Once they got off the transport, Spock bypassed Jim’s room and took him instead to his own quarters.

Without a word, Jim went into the bathroom and threw up. When he had nothing left to get rid of, he sat on the floor of the bathroom, leaning against the shower.

When Spock appeared, Jim looked up at him. “I didn’t kill Anel Rogers.”

“Of course you did not.” Spock leaned down and handed Jim a cup of green tea. “Please drink.”

He took it automatically, and rather clung to it. “You believe me?”

Spock’s lips quirked slightly. “I did not need your denial to know you did not kill her. I am well aware you are not capable of such a thing.”

His throat closed up and he closed his eyes. “Thank you.” That Spock believed him. That he knew Jim was innocent—

“Your thanks are not necessary,” Spock said quietly. “I would like to coax you from the floor of the bathroom if I may.”

Jim nodded and handed him the tea and then allowed Spock to reach down to help him to stand. Without even thinking about it, he found himself leaning against Spock. And Spock did not move away.

“You will get through this, Captain.”

Jim shook his head. “You’re acting captain now, Spock. I’m definitely emotionally compromised.” He paused and desperately blinked any moisture away. “Not to mention, when they officially charge me…” 

He nearly lost it altogether when Spock’s arm came up around his back to hold him in place.    

“I don’t know where to go from here, Spock,” Jim admitted, selfishly leaning more into Spock’s embrace.

“When you are ready, you can tell me what you recall about last night.”

“Yeah. I guess that would be the next logical step.” He mumbled against Spock’s neck. “Is your dad really coming?”

“Indeed. He has already left New Vulcan.”

“Gary Fucking Mitchell. This is a nightmare.”

And when Spock’s hold on him tightened, Jim couldn’t stop a tear from leaking out of his eye. God, he really hadn’t known how badly he meant that he didn’t know what he would do without Spock.  

Chapter 3: Desperation

Jim was sure his Starfleet career was over. Hell, probably his entire life. Or his actual life. Perhaps he would be convicted and executed. Not that the Federation conducted executions, but he suspected anything was possible with Gary Mitchell in charge of the case against him.

He was seated across from Spock on a sofa in Spock’s temporary quarters. His hands were wrapped around the teacup Spock had given him, but he had yet to take a single sip. He wasn’t sure he could keep anything down.

“Did you go to a drinking establishment after we parted ways?” Spock asked.

“No. I just had the drinks at the birthday party.” Birthday. If Jim had hated that day before, he doubly hated it now. “When I got back here, I had a glass of water as I spoke with my mother.”

“There was no water glass in your quarters.”

“I’m not lying about that,” Jim said defensively.

Spock’s expression remained blank. “I am aware. I suspect those who have set you up had the water glass removed.”

Jim bit his lip and looked away. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“You owe no apology. It is likely the water was drugged. Tests upon your person will need to be done, however, with your recent expelling of the contents of your stomach, whatever illicit means they used may already be undetectable. And there is also the chance they used some method difficult to detect in the first place.”

“They’ve gone to a lot of trouble, haven’t they?”

Spock hesitated a brief second. “Yes.”

Jim buried his face in his hands. “I’m really screwed.”

“The situation is dire, however, you are not, in fact, screwed. You will be found innocent and your command will be restored.”

Jim pulled his face out of his hands and blew out a breath. “I contacted my mom, we spoke for maybe, twenty minutes or so, and then I went to stand up. My stomach felt queasy and I was dizzy as hell. I sort of recall thinking that I didn’t think I’d had that much to drink and then it started to hurt. Pretty bad. I kind of fell down and was on my knees. And I remember hearing someone accessing the door of my quarters. I thought maybe it was Bones come to check on me.”

“But it was not.”

“Yeah, it was…a woman. She wore a red Starfleet uniform dress.”

“Was it Ensign Rogers?”

“I don’t know,” Jim admitted. “I don’t think so, but I can’t say for sure.”

“What makes you think it was not her?”

“She had long legs like she was pretty tall. Anel Rogers was on the petite side. And Rogers had long blonde hair. This one, I think her hair was cut to lay just under her chin.” Jim shook his head. “But her features were blurry. I can’t be sure if I’d ever seen her before.”

“That is definitely important information. What else?”

“Not much,” Jim said. “I think I blacked out at that point and when I woke up I was in bed, naked, next to Rogers.”

“And she was deceased?”

“Yeah.” Jim swallowed. “Blood everywhere. Seemed like she’d been dead for a while because it was pooling under her and coagulating, drying even around the edges.”

Spock nodded.

“I barely had time to react because then they were coming in.”

“And they claimed they had reports of a woman screaming during the night?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Yet they did not appear at the alleged time of her screams but waited until morning. “

Jim frowned. “Is that significant?”

“It might be.” Spock reached over and took the teacup out of Jim’s hands and set it on the table next to the couch. “And there is nothing else?”

“No.”

“Do you recall when you last saw Ensign Rogers?”

“Honestly, no. She wasn’t at the party that I recall. I think I noticed her when we were doing the beam ups from Altamid, but only briefly.”

“Has there ever been a time when you engaged in sexual relations with her?” Spock asked quietly.

“No, never.”

“Very well. I think right now you should try to get some sleep until my father arrives. I am in contact with Doctor McCoy and he will likely arrive to do testing.”

Jim stood up and then and walked over to the window that looked out over one of the subway transports on Yorktown. “Sleep? I don’t know that I can.”

“The sleep you had was likely drug induced and therefore would not truly be restful. You are going to need your strength, Captain.”

It was funny how perfect timing can be. Spock’s PADD, which he had left on the dining room table, pinged. Jim didn’t even know where his was. Probably the guards who had taken him away had confiscated it.

Spock went over to his PADD and read the message. He frowned, which Jim knew wasn’t good.

“Bad news, huh?”

Spock set the PADD down. “You have been relieved of command of the Enterprise pending the outcome.”

Jim’s lips twisted into a grimace. “That’s not too surprising. But there’s more, isn’t there?”

Spock looked reluctant to respond but after a moment, he nodded. “I have been told to report as Captain of the Enterprise and to distance myself from the investigation.”

Jim looked away. “I see.”

“I am refusing, Captain.”

“Jim,” he said softly. “And you should do what they say, Spock. This is your career on the line.”

“There are some things that are worth more than careers.” Spock stepped over to the window where Jim stood. “I cannot distance myself from this.”

“Spock, they can make you.”

“Then I will resign.”

So this situation was not only going to ruin Jim but Spock as well. Not to mention whoever was out to get him had taken the life of an innocent woman. Someone hated him badly. He’d made enemies. He understood that.

“I-I have contacts that could make me disappear.”

Spock’s eyes widened. “Jim—”

He held up his hand. “I’d go away from Yorktown and never be heard from again. They’d absorb me into their organization. And no one would be able to find me.”

“How is it you know such people?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I do not want to lose you in this manner.”

“I can’t…if this all plays out like I think it will, I’ll be going to prison for whatever is left of my life. It won’t be pleasant. Someone like me, probably with what fame I have, I’d likely be facing solitary confinement.” He resisted a shudder. “At best. Ceasing to be James Kirk and disappearing into the network is preferable to that.”

Spock moved fractionally closer. “Please allow me the opportunity to clear your name and have you reinstated to your rightful command before you consider such a means of escape.”

“Spock, I—”

“Please. I do not ask lightly.”

Jim closed his eyes briefly and when he opened his eyes his breath caught at the intensity of Spock’s gaze. “Okay.”

And he wasn’t even sure what made him do what he did next. Maybe it was the way Spock was looking at him, maybe it was just the utter desperation and desolation he felt, and the thought that either scenario he’d thought of, he would never see Spock again. But he stepped very close to Spock, fisted Spock’s dress uniform and sealed his lips over the clearly startled Vulcan.