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Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings

Month

June 2019

Flash Fic, June 28, 2019

The Crew knows (inspired by my own work meetings). This could be TOS or AOS honestly

“Oh, God, not the snorefest,” Havers complained to his friend, Phillips. “Every month we have this damn conference with the captain where he drones on and on about shit I just don’t care about. Once I tried to skip it and I got in trouble.”

Phillips snorted. “What I can’t stand is when he asks if there’s anything someone else wants to bring up because there always is. And usually it’s the commander. That monotone drives me nuts.”

“Or Mr. Scott going on about some stupid engineering stuff. You know when I was in the Academy I used to like that subject but he’s pretty much killed my interest in it.”

Phillips leaned against the wall in the corridor. “Then we’re subjected to an hour of Commander Spock gazing at Kirk like his words are drops of gold.”

Havers laughed. “You know why, don’t you?”

“Why?”

“They’re doing it.”

“Wow. Are they?”

Havers froze at the new voice. His stomach doing a sickening flip, he and Phillips turned to see the captain himself standing there together with Spock.   

“Uh.”

“Perhaps it would be more produuctive to pay more attention to one’s duties, Ensign, then to participate in idle gossip,” Commander Spock said.

Havers straightened. “We’re both lieutenants, sir.”

Kirk smiled. “Are you?”

“S-sir?” he stammered, feeling his face heat.

Phillips took a step back. “Sorry, Captain. We’ll, um, we’ll get back to our duties.”

“That would be wise,” Spock said.

“Dismissed,” Kirk said curtly

As Havers went to turn around he saw Kirk and Spock exchange a look, with the Vulcan raising an eyebrow and the captain smirking. There were two things he knew for sure, next time he needed to make sure the corridor was clear, and yep, they were definitely doing it.    

Flash Fic, June 21, 2019

This one is based on Eveningstar’s Prompt, Jim is drunk and confesses his love to Bones, and Spock overhears.

“This sucks.”

“I know, Jim.”

Jim leaned against the wall of the hotel.

“Let’s just get you to your room, all right?”

“Being in love with someone who hates you sucks, Bones.”

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“He hates me. He was going to leave the Enterprise.”

“To make Vulcan babies. And he stayed.”

Jim shook his head and then regretted it as the hall spun. “Not because of me. Because of her. They’re probably going to get married.”

He started to slip from the wall to the floor, but Bones held him up. “They broke up.”

“They’ll get back together,” Jim said, miserably. “They always do. Like a billion times. And I’ll be left with the usual broken heart.”

“Jim.” Bones stiffened. “Stop talking.”

“That’s easier for you to be so cold-hearted. You aren’t in love with Spo—”

Jim. Be quiet.” Bones practically shook him.

Jim frowned at him and tried to push away from him only to suddenly be grabbed by—

“I’ll take control of him, doctor.”

Jim peered at him through hazy eyes. “Spock?”

“Yes, Captain. I’ve got you.”

“Listen, Spock, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Jim’s drunk and—”

“I am aware. Go back to the party, doctor. I will see that Jim is safely in his room and will sleep it off.”

“I don’t…fine. All right. But I’ll come by to check on you in the morning, Jim. With something for the hangover you are sure to have.”

Somehow the floor disappeared out from under him. He grabbed onto Spock’s shoulders to keep from falling and as they entered his hotel room, Jim realized that Spock had scooped him up bridal style.

“I can walk.”

“Barely.”

“You want me to walk while bare?”

“Perhaps another time. For now you will rest.”

Spock approached Jim’s bed and Jim put his hand on Spock’s face just as Spock appeared to be preparing to lower him to the mattress.

“You know, you’re beautiful.”

Spock’s mouth twitched. “Oddly enough I had the same thought.”

Jim nodded. “You think you’re beautiful too?”

“I think you are.”

“Where I come from, buddy, that’s a proposal.”

“You are from Iowa.”

“Oh.” Jim found himself deposited on the bed.

“You will be sleeping off your excessive alcohol. In the morning, we will be having a very long talk.”

“Submitting your resignation?”

Spock arched a brow. “No. I will get you some water, you will drink it, and then you will go to sleep. I will watch over you to see that there is nothing you need.”

Jim stared at him. “Why?”

“You know why.”

Spock walked away and over to little kitchenette sink in the hotel room. He returned with a glass of water.

“Drink.”

“I’m the captain,” he mumbled.

“Drink, Captain.”

Jim took a sip of the water. “Why?”

“I stayed for you.”

I Will Follow You into the Dark, Chapter 2 A Wee Bit Early

“That was fantastic!” His mother exclaimed as they walked out of the arena together. “I’m so proud of you.”

Jim smiled faintly. “Thanks.”

“I’m still pissed that they put you out there in the first place. What were they thinking?”

“That we were all they had, Mom. The majority of the fleet—”

“I read the report. And they lost a lot of promising young cadets too. It’s still run by a bunch of arrogant boys.”

“Mom.”

She sighed and reached to straighten his collar. “But a captain. And the Enterprise. That’s something else, isn’t it?”

“It sure is. It’s crazy, is what it is.” He grinned back at her. “I just hope I’m ready for all this.”

 “I have no doubt that you are. Let’s go have a celebratory dinner. Right? You deserve it. My treat.”

Jim could not deny he was pretty hungry and it was nice to think someone wanted to spend time with him. All his friends had dispersed to do their own thing, whatever that was, they’d all been given some time off, so yeah, Jim got it, and then of course, Spock, well…yeah.

“That sounds great. Thank you.”

And just then walking down the corridor from where they stood, Jim spotted the older Spock from Delta Vega.

“Hey, Mom, you know there’s someone I need to talk to, can I catch up with you later for dinner?”

“Sure. I want to check on Amanda and Sarek anyway. Meet at Giuseppe’s later.”

“Great. Thanks, Mom.” He waved at her and ran after the old Vulcan. “Spock! Hey. Spock.”

Ambassador Spock turned to face him. “Jim! What an unexpected surprise.”

Jim nodded, breathless, waiting a moment to catch his breath. He hadn’t been breathing totally right since Nero’s ship. “Are you all right? You know. After everything?”

“I am as well as I can be, Jim.” Spock searched Jim’s face. “You are quite peaked. I would like to inquire after your health as well.” His gaze dropped to Jim’s throat. “The Romulans?”

“Right. And I’m okay. Just really tired, mostly.”

“And it’s no wonder. Have you gotten any rest at all since returning?”

“Some,” Jim lied. “It’s been kind of hectic.”

“I imagine.” He touched Jim’s hand with his own before Jim had a chance to avoid it, which he would have, because Jim was well aware of the touch telepathy, and we have known Spock’s intent. Spock’s eyes narrowed. “Not just the Romulans caused those injuries.”

“Let it go.”

“Jim, when I spoke of getting me to show my emotional compromise, it was not my intention to put you in harm’s way or to interfere in your relationship with Spock.”

“It was nothing, really. Okay? He just flipped out a little. I went overboard with goading him talking about all the losses on Vulcan.”

Spock’s lips thinned. “Jim—”

He shook his head. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

“Tomorrow, yes. I will be leaving to help with establishing a colony for those of us that remain. But today? There is someone I must have a word with.”

“Did you want to have dinner with my mother and me?”

“I wish I had the time, honestly. I do not. Jim, do me a favor and make it an early dinner. I would like to see you get the rest you are so clearly lacking.”

“I’ll try,” Jim said vaguely.

“Where is Spock?”

Jim shrugged. “I don’t know, really. Last I saw him he was at HQ. Kind of out of it.”

“Then you have not talked?”

“A few words.” Jim straightened. “I should be going myself. I won’t keep you from whatever you need to do. Just…can I ask you one question?”

“Of course.”

“Where you come from, were we…you and I…were we…?”

“Yes, Jim. Admittedly far later than you and Spock. We did not meet at the Academy, let alone establish a relationship then.”

Jim frowned. “When?”

Spock smiled slightly. “I think that I have given you all the information I should.” He held up his hand in the ta’al.

“Nope.” Jim shook his head. “That’s not going to cut it, old man.” He pulled the old Vulcan close, embracing him. Then he stepped back. “It wasn’t your fault, you know that, don’t you?”

“I was the one who advised you to compromise—”

“No. Not that.  What Nero did. The loss of his planet in your time.  You tried to help them.”

“And failed. Quite miserably.”

“It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause the star to destruct. You were trying to help and it was too late. But that’s not on you. And none of what he did, not the Kelvin, not Vulcan, none of that is your fault, Spock. It’s all on Nero.”

“If you say so.” He held up his hand in the ta’al again. “Live long and prosper, Jim. Peace and long life, T’hy’la.”

“Hey. What’s that—?” But Ambassador Spock was walking quickly away. And out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Uhura. He hurried after her.

“Uhura.”

She stopped, turned, and looked at him. Her eyes were red rimmed and wet.

“What is it?”

“Gaila was on the Farragut, Kirk.  She didn’t make it.”

“God. I’m sorry.”

She hugged herself. “So many, you know? A bunch of my friends didn’t make it. If not for hearing that transmission, we wouldn’t have either.”

“But you did. You heard it.”

She nodded. “And you knew what it meant. I heard you got the Enterprise.”

“I did.”

“I’ll be on there too. Again.” She bit her lip. “What about Spock?”

Jim shook his head.

“Give him time. He’s really hurting.”

“I know. I am. It’s just…”

“What?”

“Pike told me he’s leaving Starfleet. I guess to be with the other Vulcans.” Jim blew out a breath. “I don’t know. He hasn’t told me anything. I guess that’s the answer to my question.”

“Question?”

“Whether the two of us are still together.”

Uhura frowned. “But…I mean, he’d tell you if you weren’t, right?”

“I don’t know. I think I hear him loud and clear.” He looked past her to the exit. “I need to go. I’m meeting my mom. And I’m sorry about Gaila. I really liked her.”

“Me too. Tomorrow some of us are getting together for a little memorial for those that died. Our fellow cadets. It’s at two in the Quad at the Academy if you want to come.” She paused. Smiled just a little. “Captain.”

“Yeah. I’ll be there. Thanks.”

He rubbed the tightness in his chest and headed for the exit, ready to meet his mom.

I Will Follow You Into the Dark 06/19/2019 Chapter 1

Hello folks. Look for new chapters for this fic on Wednesdays, until it’s conclusion. This is what I would have liked to happen in Star Trek 2009. Please note this was going to be a flash. And now? Nope

Chapter 1

Jim’s heart pounded as he ran to the docking bay where the ships waited. He ran ahead of Bones, straight to where the commander with the list stood. The guy glanced at Jim.

“Cadet Kirk. The Farragut.”

He frowned. “What? There must be some mistake. I should be on the Ent—”

“Nope. No mistake, Kirk. The Farragut. Next—”

Jaw tightening, Jim rushed over to where he saw Spock standing. “Commander—”

“Cadet.”

He looked around, aware of the crowd of officers and cadets running around them, and lowered his voice. “Spock. Why am I on the Farragut?”

Spock straightened. “I thought, given our personal relationship, it would be best to—”

“But.” Jim took a deep breath. “I want to be on the Enterprise with you. Vulcan’s in trouble. I want to be where you are. I could help. Please.”

“I do not wish to worry about you.”

“You won’t have to. Spock, this is what we all train for. I’m good.”

Spock looked down at his PADD and pressed a few buttons. “Very well, Cadet. You are on the Enterprise.”

He tried to get Spock to look at him, but he wouldn’t. “It’s going to be okay, Spock.”

“Just…be safe. That is how you can best help me right now.”

Jim nodded as Spock hurried off in another direction.

Bones walked up to Jim. “You on the Enterprise now?”

“Yeah. He’s freaked out.”

“Can you blame him, kid? That distress signal.” Bones grabbed his arm. “Come on, kid. Let’s move.”

****

It seemed like weeks, years maybe, but Jim knew, in reality, it was just days and only a few of those.  He was back on Earth, feeling every bruise, every strained muscle, every punch to a part of his body.  He still felt the Romulan’s fingers tightening around his throat, leaving new bruises over the ones left by Spock. But none of it was close to what Spock felt. Jim knew.

He first checked on Spock’s parents. They were as well in their temporary lodgings on Earth as they could be under the circumstances.  Both exhausted and grieving. In unimaginable pain. Amanda had cried when she’d seen all the damage done to Jim, had begged him to be treated, but he had deflected as he always did. Reminding her that what she’d just been through, her and Sarek, was far worse than a few bumps and bruises to him.

They’d almost lost Spock’s mom, Jim almost had, but he’d been able to grab hold of her at the last moment before she fell to her death. At least Spock had been spared that.

But his planet and all those Vulcans and other species on the planet—

“Spock?”

Jim had approached Spock from behind, while he stood at a window at HQ, overlooking the San Francisco Bay. He’d been directed by others to find Spock there. Since returning to San Francisco, Jim had not seen Spock. He was surprised to see Spock still wore his Starfleet uniform, though it was splattered with all kinds of fluids and debris. It was beyond washing, Jim thought, but did not say so. The fact that Spock still wore it, had not cleaned up, was telling, as Spock was meticulous normally. Someone should be taking care of Spock, seeing to all that, but Jim wasn’t even sure if he was the one to be doing that now. He wanted to offer, but…it was still a little raw to get away from the naked murderous fury he’d seen in Spock’s eyes not that long ago as he clearly intended to kill Jim.

Spock stiffened visibly when Jim spoke. “I am not appropriate company at present, Jim.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat that didn’t seem to want to go away.  And it hurt to swallow. It did, but Jim wasn’t going to do anything about it. “Okay. I’ll…I’ll go away in a second. I just…your parents are all right. I have them settled in Starfleet housing for now. Your mom’s resting and your dad is meditating.”

When Spock did not respond, Jim went to turn away, but then stopped.

“Is there…what can I do?” Jim took a step closer, close enough to touch Spock, but not doing so. He’d learned earlier on the ship touching Spock when he was like this was not wise.

“You have already done it. I appreciate that you saw my parents settled. And the…elders.”

But not the one Jim had seen get crushed in the cave when they’d gone to rescue them. Spock’s mom had told Jim that he’d been a teacher of Spock’s that Spock had admired. So many gone, so many taken by Nero. His own loss, that of his father, seemed small compared to everything else. There were worse things than growing up without a father. Jim had learned that all too well.

“You-you’re welcome.” He turned away.

“Jim.”

“Yeah?”

“You have received medical attention for your significant injuries?”

He hadn’t. Bones had bugged him, but Jim had put him off. And now Jim needed to shower, dress, and get to the ceremony where they planned to give him a medal for all this. For what, anyway? Not being able to save Vulcan. But Earth, yeah, they still stood on Earth.

“Yeah,” he lied. Because he didn’t feel like saying he hadn’t seen anyone and in the end, in Spock’s current state, he doubted Spock cared as much as he was supposed to, and for some reason, Jim felt like Spock had asked because it was what you were supposed to do for your significant other. If they still were. Which, well, Jim wasn’t even sure about that.

Pike had told him that Spock was offering his resignation. He intended to help establish a colony to rebuild the Vulcan race and anyway, what could Jim say about that? Spock hadn’t even asked him what he’d thought or even mentioned it. He’d heard it from Pike.

Spock didn’t say anything else so he left him standing looking out at the bay and left to get ready for the ceremony.

On the way to it, cleaned up and once more dressed in his cadet reds, he heard his name called.

“Jim! Jim!”

He stopped and turned, just barely catching his mother as she flew into his arms.

“Thank God!”

And she felt good, holding him this close, and he realized, that after everything, all that he’d been through just now, no one had offered him a hug, not one single person. He hugged her close, tears stinging his eyes.

“Hi Mom.” He choked on the word because he’d been about to become little again and call her Mommy, which for his age would have just been ridiculous. She didn’t seem to notice his little flub and instead held him tighter, he guessed, giving him time to get himself together.

She pulled back after about five minutes, and honestly he wished she hadn’t, but he understood they couldn’t be hugging all day, and she put her hand on his face. “You look terrible. What have they done to you?”

He shook his head. “I’m okay.”

“You saw a doctor?”

Technically, he’d seen Bones a few times after, not for treatment, but still it couldn’t exactly be considered a lie to say, “Yeah. I’m fine. Just bruised and battered. But alive.”

She smiled through tears. “Yes. No thanks to these idiots. What are they doing taking a bunch of cadets out there to fight a megalomaniac like Nero?”

“Well—”

“I know.” She sighed. “You saved the Earth. I read the report. It’s just…if he’d have cost me my son in addition to…never mind.” She kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you’re okay. I got here as soon as I heard. Spock’s not with you?”

“No. He’s-he’s having a difficult time.”

“Oh. Of course he is. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. How are Amanda and Sarek?”

“As well as they can be. I have them in lodging provided by the Federation.”

She nodded. “I’ll go check on them later, after the medal ceremony.”

“They shouldn’t…this is all too much, you know?”

“Sometimes after such horrible tragedy, we tend to want something to celebrate, honey. And I’m afraid you’re caught up in that.” She touched his cheek once more and stepped back. “And you are a hero, whether you want to be or want to admit it. We need heroes, Jim.”

“Okay,” he agreed, then linked his arm with hers, taking her with him to where the arena was, where the ceremony was being held.    

JJ’S Birthday Flash, June 14, 2019

Happy Happy Happy Birthday JJ

For this I used three elements of suggestions, the Lines “You realize that’s not a good thing, right?” and “You look really good in that jacket” as well as the idea of Jim impressing Professor Spock. Plus Academy Fic, because I love them, so…JJ gets them too! I know it’s not Pinto, but I hope you like it anyway!

And NOW including artwork!

“You realize that’s not a good thing, right?”

Jim eyed his friend from the kitchen where he was cooking, already rethinking the wisdom of including Bones in the invitation to dinner. His friend had been even more irritable than usual. Jim figured it was because he’d recently had a break up with a nurse he’d been seeing. Bones wouldn’t talk about the reason, and Jim guessed that probably meant she’d done the dumping.

But the thing was Jim was really trying to impress the other one he invited and a grousing, complaining Bones was going to put a damper on it PDQ.

“What’s not a good thing?” Jim made himself ask.

“Never mind,” Bones grumbled. He clutched the glass of wine Jim had poured him and scowled. “When’s he get here anyway?”

“I told him six.”

“You told me five-thirty.”

“I wanted you to be here first.” Jim had thought it would be a good idea at the time, but now he couldn’t remember why. Maybe because today was his birthday and if he didn’t show then–

“Is this supposed to be a date?” Bones demanded.

Jim gaped at him. “Between me and you?”

“No. Between you and whatshisname.”

“Well.”

Bones narrowed his eyes. “Jim, what the hell am I doing here?”

“I just thought…with you being kind of depressed lately—”

“I am not depressed.”

“I thought social interaction might be good for you.”

“On your date with…” Bones set his mostly untouched wine on the counter and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Wouldn’t this be the first one?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

“Jim, you don’t invite a third to your date unless he is a third.”

“Gross.”

“You’re clueless when it comes to romance, aren’t you? You’re usually only about the sex and don’t care about anything else. This one’s different.”

“Well.” Jim rubbed the back of his neck. “What if he is?”

Bones rolled his eyes and sighed. Then he headed for the apartment door.

“Where are you going?”

“To save you from yourself. Have a good night, Jim. I really mean that.” Bones opened the door to Spock standing there.

Spock held a small batch of carnations, which he lowered when he faced Bones. He stared at Bones. “Doctor.”

“Professor.” Bones pushed past him and continued on down the hallway.

“Spock, hi.” Jim came forward. “Come in.” He moistened his lips. “Were, um, were those for me?”

Spock blinked and looked at the carnations and stepped inside. Instead of answering Jim, he said, “Why was the doctor here?”

“Oh. Well. Um. I had invited him for dinner, too, but he decided not to stay.”

Spock stared at Jim in silence for so long that Jim was sure one of them was about to explode and oddly enough Jim thought maybe it was Spock.

“I…am afraid that I have been under a mistaken impression, Jim.”

“About what?”

“I believed that your invitation to dinner was intended as a date. I apologize for my misinterpretation of your interest.”

Jim’s heart felt like it had sunk into his stomach. “What? No. I mean, yes. I mean, it was. It is.”

“Then I believe I am confused.”

He blew out a breath. “Two things. I did mean it as a date. But then Bones, see, he was seeing someone, but I think she dumped him, because he’s been really grouchy—”

“I was under the impression that was his constant nature.”

Jim laughed. “Yeah. Point. But grouchier than usual. And I thought maybe he shouldn’t be alone, in the state he was in, and then, I guess, I’m also crazy nervous about having you over, because also, today is my birthday, and it’s never a really good day, and I really want it to be, and trying to impress you and—”

“That is three things.”

He laughed again. “Yeah. So I invited him. But he guessed it was a bad idea right before you arrived and that’s why he was leaving. And it was. A bad idea. Because I really wanted…”

Spock shut him up with a kiss.

And it was a kiss that went on for a long time, yet not long enough, and when they came up for air, Jim was clutching on to Spock.

“You look really good in that jacket,” Jim said dreamily.

“And you look really good.” Spock stared deep into his eyes. “Is it really your birthday?”

“Yeah. Yeah it is. And maybe it’s not going to suck.” Jim kissed him again for that and then eyed the carnations. “How’d you know those are my favorite?”

“You mentioned them once. I recalled it.”

“You’re just so sweet, I can hardly stand it.”

Spock wrinkled his nose. “Do I smell something burning?”

Jim bugged out his eyes. “Damn! Shit.” He turned and dashed into the kitchen to turn off the fire on the stove. Spock was right behind him. “It’s…burned.”

Spock eyed the mess. “Those are Vulcan dishes.”

He sighed. “Stupid me. I was trying to impress you.”

Spock tugged him close. “Believe me, Jim. I am impressed.”

He grinned. “Yeah?”

“This is a one bedroom apartment?”

“Sure. Why?”

“I would like to see your bedroom now.”

Jim frowned. “See my bedroom?”

Spock arched a brow.

“Ohhhhh. Yeah. Yeah. Um. What about dinner?”

“I am not hungry for food.”

Jim licked his lips and pulled Spock toward his bedroom. “Let the tour begin and end with the bedroom then.”

And perhaps it would be a very happy birthday after all.

Extra Flash Fic

I could save this for August, but well, I didn’t. Once in a while, I like to practice TOS. And warning, no happy ending.

Jim didn’t come here a lot. Not anymore, anyway. There was a time, when he first took command of the Enterprise, after Pike, that he came to this particular area of the observation deck to reflect on the day, his own performance, his crew. How they were taking him. Did they like him, hate him, did it matter?

Those days had long since passed and Jim was confident in his command abilities. He had proven himself often enough. And he’d found that those times he needed reflection, he could count on a conversation with Spock or Bones.

But now? Not so much.

For Spock was what or rather who he reflected on, and Bones, well, he didn’t feel like being judged or being given country doctor advise.

But despite his best intentions of keeping his location a secret, Jim really wasn’t that surprised when the door swished open behind him.

“Jim?”

“Over here, Bones.”

He waited for his CMO to come up beside him. He glanced briefly at him.

“Need me for something?”

“No.” Bones paused. “You hiding in here, Jim?”

“And if I am?”

“Suppose it’s all right. You’re not currently on shift.” He leaned up and then dropped down on to his heels. “I think you ought to think about rest at some point, though.”

Jim smiled faintly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“What’s eating you, Jim?” Bones put his hand on Jim’s arm. “There’s something. Was it something about Sarpeidon?”

That Bones had zeroed in on it so quickly shouldn’t surprise him. McCoy had been by his side for a long time and had a way of figuring Jim out.

“Maybe.”

“You have been quiet since we returned to the Enterprise. I thought you were all right, after, but there’s something.”

“Don’t think you’d really understand, Bones.”

For a long time, Bones remained silent, but he continued to stare at Jim as though he was seeing directly into him. Maybe he was.

“It’s not your experience on Sarpeidon that’s got you thinking.” Bones grimaced. “Spock?”

Jim’s mouth thinned. Damn McCoy and his ability to read him. “Am I so transparent?”

“Not to everyone, no. But to me? What is it, Jim?”

“He was going to…” Jim stopped. “I don’t blame him for becoming involved.”

“He was under the influence of—”

“I know,” Jim cut in. “I don’t blame him. Not really.”

“Then what?”

Jim shrugged. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“If not for you, if you hadn’t talked him out of it, well…Spock would have stayed there.” Jim swallowed painfully. “With…” And he couldn’t bring himself to say the name. “Her.”

“But I did, Jim. Spock came out of it and returned here. To the ship. And her captain.”

Jim nodded. “I told you that you wouldn’t understand.”

Bones sighed. “I think I understand more than you realize, Jim.” He squeezed his shoulder. “Want a drink?”

“Better not. I think I’m going to do what you suggested earlier. Get some rest. Go to sleep.”

“Okay, Jim.”

And he would have lingered there still, but Bones stood waiting by the exit door, clearly waiting to escort him, so with a barely repressed sigh, Jim went with McCoy, and was mildly annoyed when Bones made as though to actually drop him off at his quarters.

“Don’t you have something better to do other than babysit me?”

“All right, suit yourself. I do have some things in sickbay to see to. Goodnight, Jim. Try to remember that ultimately, Spock came back to himself and the ship. He didn’t stay with her.”

But he wanted to. Or he wanted her to come with him. But that hadn’t been possible.

Jim read the reports. McCoy’s was far more detailed. Spock had left out much, which was very unlike him, and when Jim had questioned the discrepancies, Spock had implied that he didn’t quite remember everything given that he was not himself.

As he approached his quarters, Jim paused outside Spock’s. For a moment, he raised his hand to ask for admittance. Then he lowered it, turning away. Spock would not want to see him, not at this time, it was late, and Spock had—

He sighed and accessed his own quarters, letting the door close and lock behind him. He eyed his desk and his terminal and all the work he needed to do. But he undressed instead and got into his night clothes, going to bed, but staring up at the dark ceiling for a long time, sleep not claiming him.

Flash Fic, June 07, 2019

This is the conclusion of the fic that started with the Strip Poker, moved onto Tropical Drinks, The Beach, and now this one, Don’t Break My Heart.

Spock felt a spark of illogical hope as Jim accompanied him back to the Enterprise. A part of him had delayed going down to Risa after Nyota had encouraged him to do so, because he had been afraid that Jim would have already secured himself temporary companionship.

He’d been so relieved when he found that not to be the case, and indeed, the captain had been alone.

And despite Jim’s somewhat aloof behavior, which frankly over the last few months, Spock had become used to it, Jim had admitted he shared the same romantic feelings for Spock as Spock did for him. That was a place to start anyway.

Jim had left it up to Spock about which quarters were chosen for their talk, and ultimately, though not without trepidation, Spock chose his own. Because, as Jim had suggested, comfortable surroundings seemed pertinent just then. Though Spock was not even certain why.

Once inside their quarters, Spock respectfully lowered the temperature to more human tolerable warmth and watched as his captain paced back and forth, looking far too out of his normal element. This began to concern Spock.

“You-you did say my interest in you was not unwelcome,” Spock said.

Jim moistened his lips. “It’s not. It’s just that…” He shook his head and resumed his pacing.

“Your current behavior is concerning. If you do not share—

“Spock, I share it. God.” He laughed and wiped his hand over his face. “I’m crazy in love with you and have been for, I don’t even know. I’m the one who called you ‘babe’, remember?”

Spock did not allow the relief and hope to surface this time. “Then, may I inquire into the source of your reticence?”

He was surprised when Jim suddenly sat down heavily on Spock’s bed.

“I’m scared, Spock.”

He stiffened at the words that were such a reminder of a trying time, but this was not the time to dwell on such unpleasant recollections.

“Of me?” Spock dared ask, dreading the answer.

“No. Yes.” Jim looked up and must have seen Spock’s crestfallen expression. “I don’t think you’ll physically hurt me, Spock. That’s not at all what this is about.”

“I do not understand.”

Jim closed his eyes. “I love you so much. I don’t know…it’s been so long, it’s hard to remember when I didn’t.”

Spock opened his mouth to reply.

Jim held up his hand. “I’m exaggerating. I know. But basically, until very recently, the time I’ve loved you and known you, has been while you were Uhura. And you-never…” He stood up again. “This is crazy.”

“Jim, please speak plainly.”

“All those years and you never…you didn’t commit to her. I mean no marriage, no bond, and eventually you broke up and I just…”

Spock felt his heart twist. “Jim, sit.”

He swallowed heavily as Jim returned to sitting on the bed. He looked unhappy to do so, but he did sit.

Spock knelt in front of him. “You do not believe I am capable of the level of commitment you require.”

“Well.” Jim wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Because Nyota and I never took those steps. Marriage. Or a…bond.”

“I know I have no right to expect—”

Spock reached up and placed his fingertips on Jim’s mouth. “I am in love with you. Deeply and completely. I will never leave you, unless you demand that I do. Nyota and I were committed to each other in our own way and that worked for us until it did not. Until neither of us could deny that we were no longer romantically in love with each other.“

When Jim sucked in a breath, Spock realized it was the wrong thing to say to his panic-stricken captain.

“What if-what if you decide that you are no longer in love with me. You have before. And-and, Spock, I’m sorry, but if this is temporary, if a few years from now, you’re going to decide not to be with me, then I’d rather not now.”

“No one can predict the future.”

“But I can. I’ve seen you in action. You likely will fall out of love with me, and who could blame you, who would want to stay with me?”

“Breathe, ashayam.” He brought Jim’s hands to his lips and kissed both palms and each finger after, then held them tightly in his. “I have never loved anyone as deeply as I love you. And while it is true, I cannot predict what will happen, I know that my devotion to you is absolute. We can bond immediately if that will ease your mind.”

“But—”

“Jim, our-our counterparts had so little time together, considering everything, and I would rather not be them.”

“They were together?”

“And bonded, my love. But for only twenty years before your death. Perhaps that is to be our fate too, I do not know, but whatever time we are to have, I wish to begin it now.”

Jim smiled a little.

“And perhaps it never worked out between Nyota because it was always meant to be us.”

“Fated lovers, huh?” The smile grew crooked. “That’s quite a bit of pressure.”

“It need not be. We love each other and both are committed to each other for the rest of our lives.”

“You make it all sound so…”

“So what, Jim?”

“Appealing.”

Spock took a chance. “Do not break my heart.”

Jim leaned forward and pulled Spock up and over him onto the bed. “And don’t break mine.”

Spock covered Jim’s lips with his. “Never.”

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