So here’s the thing (I will post part two tomorrow).

It’s time to advise you about what is likely permanently off the table story-wise and what is maybe on hiatus until motivation strikes. These are the stories that have been deleted.

The only one I know for absolute certain isn’t going to continue is this one:

Keep Forgetting/Where Do People Like Us Go – I’m going to be honest. This one is dead. I just have permanently lost the desire to work on this story. So, it’s dead and buried. Good riddance.

I’m looking at my “deleted” fics and three have been re-posted, Slave (I so don’t remember EVER deleting this one), Bitter Frost and The Thought of You is Consuming Me.

Then I had a threesome I’d written with K/S/U…that’s dead and buried too.

Then I found one called “Joined” and I have no clue what the hell this was nor do I remember ever writing it. I’m going to post the snippet here and you all can tell me if it sounds like something I added to a different story.

Joined

I had gotten a request from aberwelshgirl to write: “I was wondering maybe if you could do a chapter where Jim has a alien parasite inside of him? I would be interesting to see Spocks reaction to it.”
I think she wanted a one shot but well, it’s a fic.

Published at: 2015-07-03
Revised at: 2015-07-06 08:00:00 -0400

Chapter 1: An Earthquake

Jim crouched down low to inspect the alien plant with the purple and yellow flowers. He was bored as hell on this planet. What was it called? Monteferra. Yeah something like that. Maybe he should have listened to Spock for a change and stayed behind. Their scans had indicated the life on this planet was low-grade, which meant plants and maybe crawly things.

He stood and glanced around, looking for his first officer. He saw Spock standing next to an ensign, a member of his science team as Jim recalled. Her name was Shayla. She was Orion and only went by the one name. Bones was a bit sweet on her. They both had their tricorders out.

Jim sighed. He supposed he could tell Spock he was beaming back to the Enterprise. He knew Spock could handle it without him. He always could. The thing was he and Spock…well, they had just gotten their acts together as it was, and declared they liked each other enough to try this relationship bullshit. And because of that he sort of liked being around Spock. Oh, who was he kidding? He liked being around Spock even before the Vulcan had admitted he more than tolerated Jim.

The ground began to rumble a bit underneath him and Jim looked down with a frown. So far it had just made a noise with very slight low vibrations.

“Spock?”

Spock turned instantly as did Ensign Shayla. “Captain?”

“Is this planet prone to earthquakes?”

“Not that I am aware of.”

Shayla moved toward Jim, her tricorder out. “There does seem to be some activity beneath the surface, Commander.”

Jim stepped close to her and looked down at her readings with a frown. “Is this accurate, Ensign?”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Spock—”

The ground began to shake violently, with such force it started to split right where Shayla and Jim were standing. Jim shoved Shayla out of the way and went flying down with her.

“Captain!” Spock shouted.

Rocks from a nearby cliff pummeled down on them, but Jim covered Shayla from the worst of it. A security guard came running from around the corner and skidded to a stop just before a larger rock was about to fall on him.

As quickly as it began the shaking stopped.

Spock hurried across the split in the ground and reached down to help Jim up. Jim helped Ensign Shayla to stand. She swayed a little and held her head.

“You okay?”

“Just a bit dizzy, sir.”

Jim suddenly felt very lightheaded himself and began to pitch forward but Spock caught him.

“Jim?”

“Spock—” And his world went dark.

****

“Doctor?” Spock asked Dr. McCoy as he stood over Jim’s unconscious body.

McCoy continued to examine Jim without comment.

Spock clenched his fists. “Doctor? The Captain?”

“You can call him Jim when he’s in sickbay, Spock.”

Spock was losing patience. “Is he all right?”

“Hmm.”

On the biobed next to Jim’s Ensign Shayla sat talking to Nurse Chapel. “No, I’m fine,” Shayla was telling Chapel. “The dizziness is gone.”

Unlike Jim, Shayla had not lost consciousness.

Spock turned his attention back to McCoy.

“He’s coming around.”

Spock stepped closer.

“You’re in my space, Spock,” McCoy grumbled.

Spock forced himself to take a step back. This was too new. They had only started their relationship two weeks earlier. They were still navigating their differences, their similarities, their preferences…everything.

“Jim?”

“B-Bones?”

“Yes, it’s me. How do you feel?”

“Kind of groggy.”

“You collapsed on the planet. There was an earthquake. Do you remember?”

“Uh. Sorta.”

“Headache?”

“A little.”

Spock pushed forward. “Jim?”

Jim smiled. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“I was not injured. You were.” Spock reached for Jim’s hand.

Jim’s blue eyes were hazy. “I feel a little strange.”

Spock glanced at the doctor.

“I’ll keep him in here overnight for observation but all his vitals are normal. I think he will be okay.”

“You think? Are you the chief medical officer or not?”

“Spock,” Jim said softly.

McCoy shook his head. “I’ll give you a moment. I have to get something for his pain.”

Spock waited for McCoy to leave and then he stroked Jim’s hair off his forehead.

“Don’t worry,” Jim whispered.

“Vulcans do not worry.”

Jim smiled. “You worry.”

Spock exhaled. “There seemed to be no reason for you to lose consciousness. There are no bumps on your head.”

“Maybe I didn’t hit it hard enough to leave a bump.”

“But you did lose consciousness?”

“Bones seems to think I’ll be all right.”

“It was supposed to be a routine mission.”

“You’re fretting.”

Spock opened his mouth to refute this. But then he shook his head. “You take too many chances, ashal-veh.”

“How am I to stop an earthquake?”

“I do not know.” Spock leaned down to softly kiss him.

“That’s nice. If that’s my reward for being hurt—”

“Do not even jest about that.”

Jim smiled. “Okay.”

McCoy returned with a hypospray.

“What’s that?” Jim asked, his eyes growing very wide all of a sudden. The readings above the biobed suddenly shot up.

“Easy, easy, Jim. Calm down. It’s just to ease your headache.”

Jim licked his lips. “Okay.”

McCoy injected him. “All right?”

Jim nodded. “Can I go to my quarters?”

The doctor shook his head. “I really want to keep you for observation.”

“Spock could stay with me.” Jim looked hopefully at Spock.

“I must defer to the doctor.”

“Bones, I’m fine. Please?”

McCoy stared at him. Then at the vitals. “Are you okay with babysitting him?”

“I will report anything unusual immediately,” Spock assured him.

Jim gave the doctor puppy eyes. “Please?”

“You really have me wrapped around your little finger, don’t you?”

Jim smiled. Spock knew he had won. He always would when it concerned either the doctor or Spock himself.

A little while later Spock escorted Jim to his quarters. He had arranged for Mr. Scott to be on the bridge with Spock being kept apprised of any issues.

“Are we still in orbit around Monteferra?” Jim asked.

“We are still conducting surveys.”

Jim nodded. “I don’t think it’s a viable candidate for colonization what with the ground instability and the acidity levels of the soil.”

“You know of the acidity levels?”

“Yes. I heard the ensign mention it. The atmosphere’s a bit heavy too. There’s a reason there’s no humanoid life there.”

Spock nodded. “If that is the case our scans will come to the same conclusion soon enough.”

“I’ll make my report to Starfleet later.”

Jim made his way to his bed and then stopped at the foot. He stared at the bed, his gaze suddenly unfocused.

“Jim?”

“Spock, I-I need—please.”

“Jim?” Spock went to him and grabbed his biceps. “Jim?”

Jim shook his head. “Nothing. It was nothing.”

“Do I need to get the doctor? Perhaps it was unwise to let you have your way.”

“No, no. I’m fine. It was nothing. Really. Sorry.”

“You will tell me if there is something?”

Jim touched his fingertips to Spock’s jaw. “Of course, sweetheart. I’ll always tell you if there’s something to worry about.”  

Chapter 2: Intimacy
End Notes:

Temporarily on hold while I figure out what the hell I am doing with it

Spock would have said he was worried if Vulcans experienced such an emotion, but rather than use that to describe the way he was feeling, he went with concerned.

He could not decide what concerned him about Jim. He seemed perfectly fine. When he had returned the following morning to the medbay after losing consciousness on Monteferra, Dr. McCoy said Jim was fine. And the plain fact was Jim acted fine. Spock’s concern was illogical.

They were currently in the mess room partaking of a meal with Nyota and Mr. Scott, Dr. McCoy and Ensign Shayla. Spock suspected Mr. Scott was enamored of Nyota, but so far she had shown no particular encouragement to him.

Jim was mostly silent, listening to everyone else’s conversation, which right there was not typical of him. He smiled every once in a while in amusement at something somebody else said, but there was no true warmth in his smile. And Jim was eating a rather giant plate of fries which he dipped into mayonnaise.

Spock did not recall Jim even liking mayonnaise, yet at that moment, he was shoving great quantities of it into his mouth on fries. Which he also did not normally eat a lot of.

Jim noticed Spock watching him and he smiled, still with the slightly off smile he’d been using since returning from Monteferra.

“What?”

“I was unaware you had a particular liking for fries dipped in mayonnaise.”

“Oh.” Jim nodded. “These are just really good. Honestly, everything I’ve had lately has been delicious.”

“You did not seem to think the replicators were very good before.”

Jim smiled. “Must have made improvements.” He pushed the plate away abruptly and leaned forward and away from the rest of the table. “Are you finished? Because I’d really like to go back to my quarters and get fucked hard.”

Spock blinked and struggled not to blush. “Jim.”

“Don’t worry, no one heard me. They’re arguing about astrophysics.”

Spock was surprised Jim knew what they were discussing as he hadn’t seemed to be paying any attention to the others. “I am ready to go, yes.”

Jim stood. “Spock and I will see you later, okay?”

He stopped next to the doctor and squeezed his shoulder before exiting the mess room, with Spock on his heels.

****

“That was amazing,” Jim panted, as he flopped onto his back. “Fuck.”

Spock’s lips curved into a slight smile. “I am gratified you thought so.”

“If it had been any better, I’d have died.”

“I do not find references to your death amusing.”

“Sorry,” Jim murmured. He turned to his side and then placed his head on Spock’s chest. “I’m still, you know, figuring all of this out.”

Spock nodded and petted Jim’s hair. “Yes a new relationship is always met with some trepidation.”

“Right. A new relationship. Exactly.” He kissed Spock’s chest. “It’s true I know nothing about romantic relationships.”

“I am aware. My prior relationship with Nyota was quite amiable for the most part, though she wished I allowed more emotion to show during our time together.” Spock thought about it. “Do you feel the same way?”

Jim gave a little shrug. “I don’t believe your logic and lack of obvious emotions equal a lack of affection. If you want to take this slow, Spock, that’s fine with me.”

“Slow? I believe we have long gone past the chance for slow.”

Jim leaned up and kissed Spock. “Yeah, okay. The point is, we can take our time and get to know each other, yeah?”

“Yes.” So far they had not even melded. Jim was reluctant and Spock did not wish to push it. During his relationship with Nyota, they had never shared a meld. He hadn’t really cared about it one way or another. With Jim, he wanted it, but was willing to wait. He was aware Jim’s only experience had been with his elder and that it had been unpleasant.

Jim was staring at him intently now. All traces of a smile were gone.   

“Jim?”

“Spock, I—I—there’s—”

“What is it?” Spock sat up.

Jim blinked, let out a shaky breath, then shook his head. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Are you certain? Is it your head?”

“No, no. I’m fine. Really.” Jim smiled and this time it was his thousand watt smile. Spock almost allowed himself to feel relief but he was still uneasy, even as Jim snuggled into Spock’s neck.

Spock’s arms came around Jim and held him close. “Jim?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you heard of Vulcan bonds?”

“Sure. You’re bonded as children.”

“Yes, usually.”

Jim pulled back enough to look at Spock. “Are you saying you’re bonded?”

“Negative. No Vulcan parent would agree to bond me with their daughter given my mixed heritage.”

“What? That totally sucks.” Jim frowned. “Or maybe not. Because now you aren’t bonded or whatever.”

“Indeed.”

Jim gave him a quizzical smile. “So, um, why are you bringing this up, Spock?”

“I know we are still getting to know each other as you said, it is something I am thinking about for the future.”

Jim’s smile widened. “Yeah? Like with me? I mean, if-if that’s what-what you’re saying. I don’t want to assume—”

“It is what I am saying,” Spock quickly interrupted.

Suddenly there was an almost unbearable sadness in his eyes. “You really want that? With me?”

“Why would I not?”

“I’m just-I’m just a guy from Iowa. I can’t even tell you how many I’ve fucked up. What do you see in me, Spock?”

“I see my future,” Spock said quietly.

Jim’s eyes filled with tears and he nodded.

“But when you are ready.”

Jim lay back down on Spock’s chest. He nodded but said nothing and Spock just held him tighter.

That was deleted in August 2015. Anybody remember? Sound Familiar? Did I post it in a One-Shot Collection? I don’t have a clue. Want to see more if I haven’t used it? Help me.