Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings


Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday February 18, 2021

Bones Gets Married

Published in January 2017, I used a little trickery to imply Jim and Spock might not be together only to reveal they were at the end.

Throwback Thursday, February 11, 2021

Today’s throwback fic premiered September 24, 2017

A Very Good Word

Throwback Thursday February 04, 2021

Today’s throwback is Sleeping With Spock which was published in September 2018

Throwback Thursday January 28, 2021

Photo by Gladson Xavier on

The Sequel to Tuesday’s Guess the fic is featured today.

Ahem. Very clearly not safe for work!

Pawn to Queen’s Night 4

Throwback Thursday, January 21, 2021

Sorry for this one is not safe for work, so I have linked to it

Photo by Mary Taylor on

Hot For Teacher: for Teacher

Throw Back Thursday

Don’t Walk Away was posted January 30, 2017


Spock watched his now former captain’s back as he continued to disappear into the crowd. He was certain that James Kirk had heard him, but had refused to turn around anyway.

For an undetermined amount of time, and didn’t that show exactly what was wrong with Spock, he stood there on the platform for the high speed train. His fingers curled against the palms of his hands, forming fists. And still he stood rooted to the spot, letting Jim leave without pursuit.

How had Spock let it get to this point? For certainly it must be his fault.

He was well aware he did not do well with emotions. He did not even always understand them. He’d spent a lifetime learning to hide them, no bury them even, as though they did not-could not exist.

This was not an easy thing for a Human to handle. They wanted affection and understanding and emotional comfort that sometimes Spock simply could not supply.

His relationship with Nyota had ultimately failed because he could never quite offer her what she wanted, what she deemed she was worthy of. And indeed, Spock had deemed her worthy of it too, but he could not give it to her. And though he still thought of her with as much affection and respect as he always had, they’d parted ways. Nyota had wished to pursue another personal relationship and Spock had appreciated that she informed him of this before actually doing so.

But he remembered that night, the first time he’d seen her laughing and dancing with Montgomery Scott. He had even suspected that was who she was interested in, and yet it had been more difficult to see them together than he had anticipated. He’d returned to his quarters and a few minutes later there had been the chime for entry that would forever change his life…nay him.

“Are you all right?” Jim asked, coming toward him, concern in his eyes so evident that Spock actually stepped back in surprise. “No, of course you aren’t. I can see that you aren’t.”

Spock was concerned that he was displaying some sort of emotionalism he was not even aware of. He opened his mouth to ask when Jim stepped close, put his hands on Spock’s face, one on either side of Spock’s jaw, and looked into Spock’s eyes with eyes that seemed to mirror Spock’s very katra.

“I’m sorry,” Jim whispered. “I know you hurt. I know you feel. You shouldn’t have had to see that. It wasn’t right.”

And before Spock even realized what he was doing, he was kissing Jim, devouring his captain’s lips, searing his own body to Jim’s.

For a while, everything had been exactly the way Spock would have wanted it to be if he had ever thought Jim Kirk would be his. Jim seemed to understand him in ways Nyota never had. In fact, in ways no one ever had. Spock had even begun to think in terms of eventual bonding. He had been reluctant to mention it still. Feeling his way. And before he knew it, the mission was nearing its end and Jim began to talk about a different future than what Spock had been envisioning.

“I don’t know, Spock. Maybe I’ll think about that position on that new Starbase that’s supposed to be even bigger than Yorktown.” He laughed. “Can you imagine? I’m tired, you know. That last year really kicked my ass. Or maybe, I don’t know, retire to Iowa or something. God, like I should do that. I just, I don’t know. I’m thinking about my options. What about you? Are you thinking of going to New Vulcan?”

And that was when it hit Spock hard. Jim didn’t want the future Spock did. A future together.

The last night, Spock had been on the observation deck, staring at nothing. And when he’d heard someone else enter he had suspected it would be Nyota. He’d been surprised it was not.


“What are you doing?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“With Jim. What are you doing?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well, let me explain it to you. He’s running scared. That’s what Jim does.”

Spock shook his head. “Doctor, while I appreciate—”

“Don’t be like everyone else, Spock. Don’t let him walk away. You have to pursue him. If he goes to that Starbase or Godforsaken Riverside, you’ve lost. You won’t see him again, because he won’t give you another chance. He’s been hurt too many times. Don’t be the one he can’t get over.”

Now, Spock still stood where he was, watching Jim leave him behind.

“Take care of yourself, Spock.” Jim hadn’t embraced him or kissed him publicly like Nyota would have. Jim had never done any public displays of affection beyond patting or squeezing Spock’s arms. He’d told Spock once he didn’t want to make Spock uncomfortable and their intimacy was private.

Spock made his legs move. In fact, he began to run toward the direction Jim had left, toward the train Jim intended to get on.

As he ran he thought about what he would say when he caught up to Jim. He would start by asking Jim not to walk away. From him. From them. Not to let the fear dictate both their choices and their lives.

But as he reached the train, the doors closed and the train began its high speed journey away from the platform and Spock was left standing there looking at what might have been.

He could not believe he had let Jim slip away.

Spock bowed his head, closing his eyes.

“You want to move, mister?” An old man pushed him as he struggled by with a huge load of luggage toward the next train.

Spock inhaled deeply, straightened and turned.

James T. Kirk smiled at him, blue eyes shining as bright as any star Spock had ever seen.

“Going somewhere?” Jim asked in a voice soft and warm enough to thaw any heart, no matter its location.

“Affirmative,” Spock managed to say, his voice deep and gravelly as he stepped close to Jim.

“Yeah?” That smile that would never get old. Would never be tiresome. But in fact was like life. “Where?”

“With you.”    

Throwback Thursday, January 7, 2021

The first throwback Thursday is Maybe Probably, begun in February 2019 and concluded in April 2019

I’ll put just a few sentences here and you can read the rest via the link above

Jim stepped into his quarters and stood there in the middle of the main room for a moment, uncertain how to feel or what to do.

His gaze raked over the space. Would it have to change? Did he have to get a bigger bed? Make room for someone else’s stuff?

Or would…would Spock even want that? Would he just want to keep everything the same? Him in his quarters and Jim in his. As though nothing at all had changed.

Jim had just been released from the medbay after being there for two days. Bones had said he could have forty-eight more hours. Spock too. Under the circumstances they were docked at Yorktown, because that space station had been closest to the ship’s location when they’d been rescued.

And Bones had…well, he’d had to contact Starfleet.

The thing was…this was the fault of the mission. Spock hadn’t wanted this. Jim didn’t even know if he’d wanted it. Sure, he wanted…something with Spock, but, um, well, he hadn’t really had all this in mind.

They’d been stranded. The planet had been strange. Stranger than any Jim had yet encountered and something, somehow, made Spock go into his time. And that time had been irrevocably with Jim.

Three solid days of sexual claiming. And during that time, their minds had connected, bonded.

When they’d finally been rescued they’d been wrapped up together, still naked, both of them. A tangle of limbs. Spock had been, at first, reluctant to release Jim to the crew, but then reason returned, he recognized Bones and Uhura and the others, and he let go.

Jim had not seen him in person since, but, oh, yes, he felt him. Their minds were interlocked. He got Spock’s thoughts sometimes even and he was sure Spock got his. And he felt the Vulcan’s emotions too. Confusion, irritation, anger. Jim didn’t personally feel the second two emotions, but yes, he felt the first. And sorrow and fear. Because he was both sad and afraid that this was the last thing Spock would have wanted.

Bones had healed Jim all over. Jim was fine mostly. Nothing more than some scrapes and bruises and soreness. And some of that was from being stranded there and had nothing to do with Pon Farr.

Thinking the words made his quarters hot and heavy somehow. Oppressive. He tugged at his T-shirt. He hadn’t bothered with his uniform just yet as there was no need. Bones himself had fetched these clothes for him as he’d worn a medbay gown while he’d been there.

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.”

Throwback Thursday #8

The Rose which was posted February 10, 2017

This Jim might beat all Jims for being incredibly obtuse

Photo by Jovana Nesic on

They were getting a rare bit of shore leave. And on Risa, of all places. But Jim didn’t feel at all happy about it. Partying hard was the last thing he wanted to do. More like drowning in his own sorrow.

But Jim took his rotation and made his way down to the planet surface. He spotted his favorite Risian bar right away. It was ridiculously crowded and not at all what he wanted. So Jim turned away to seek another establishment.

While he tried to figure out where to go, Jim was surprised to see Spock beaming down as he’d always told Jim he didn’t need shore leave. So being surprised, Jim invited him on instinct.

“Mister Spock. Surprised to see you here.”

“Indeed, Captain.”

“I’m about to go sit and have a drink. Want to join me?”

He hesitated for the barest of maybe ten seconds, but his gaze moved beyond Jim to where Jim noticed, for the first time, Uhura stood waiting. She had changed into a blue dress with a deep vee, exposing an ample amount of her breasts. The dress had a handkerchief hem and reached down to about the middle of her calves. She had little matching blue slippers on her feet. She wore her long hair loose. She looked pretty. Ready to take on the pleasures of Risa.

Spock glanced back at Jim. “Nyota and I have plans to attend the concert in the garden courtyard. Would you care to accompany us? You are welcome.”

Jim would rather eat boiled slugs. But he made myself smile and shook his head. “Nah, that’s okay. You go ahead. Enjoy the concert.”

Spock inclined his head but then said nothing further as he quickened his pace to join her. They spoke briefly about something before she linked her arm with his and they continued walking in the direction of the garden center.

For a brief time Jim had thought…but no. Bones had said there had been trouble between them during the Krall incident. But whatever it had been had obviously been resolved.

And really, it was not Jim’s business. It never would be.

He turned away from the sight of them and kept walking until he found a fairly quiet bar. Jim sat at the far end of the bar counter and ordered two whiskey sours.

“Two drinks when you’re drinking alone is not good.”

He glanced at his best friend and smiled. “How’d you find me?”

Bones took the seat next to him. “Followed the smell.”


He gestured to the drinks the bartender had set before Jim. “What’s up?”

“It’s his birthday, you know.”

Bones frowned. “Who’s?”

Jim stared at the drinks, left them untouched for now. “Sam.” He picked one up and swirled it in the glass. “Or was.”

Bones was quiet for a while. Then he said, “I’m real sorry about your brother and his wife.”

“I hadn’t seen him in years.” And yet his loss still hurt.

“Have you heard from your nephew?”

And that was weird, wasn’t it? Having a nephew but no brother.

“This was his favorite drink.”Jim took a sip.

“You’re ignoring the question.”

“I haven’t. It’s difficult with him being on Earth. And Aurelan’s parents are raising him now.”

Jim heard the low whine of the tricorder Bones held in his hand as it scanned him.


“Damn fool thing. According to this, you’re dead.”

Jim smiled slightly. “I guess you need a new one. Unless I am.”

“You aren’t. And I’m going to see it stays that way.”

He pushed the other whiskey sour toward Bones. “Have a drink with me for Sam.”

He picked it up and they clinked glasses, both taking a sip.

“I resented him, you know. For leaving.”

“I can imagine.”

“Mostly because he got away.” Jim swallowed heavily. “He never had to go to Tarsus either.”

“No,” Bones agreed.

“But he went to Deneva.”He sighed. “Birthdays suck.”


Jim finished the drink, letting it burn down his throat and then pinched the bridge of his nose. “God, this is a shitty day.”

“Want me to get Spock?”

Jim laughed. “For what? So he can parade his girlfriend in front of me? No thanks. I think I’m just going back to the ship and sleep for twelve or fourteen hours.”

As Jim rose, Bones put his hand on Jim’s upper arm. “You’re depressed.”

Jim snorted. “You think?”

“I’m concerned, goddamn it.”

“I’ll be fine, Bones.”


Jim hugged him then, because at the moment it really felt as though he was the only one who cared. Stupid and wrong, Jim knew. But even still.

“Why can’t I love you instead?” Jim whispered.

He shook his head. “I wish I knew. Life doesn’t work that way.”

Jim nodded and pulled away. “Not for me. I do love you.”

Bones paused, his eyes becoming very sad. He nodded, then looked away. “I love you, too, kid.”

Jim looked at the now empty glasses on the bar. “Happy Birthday, Sam.”


A few days later, Jim found himself on the Observation Deck   

He’d come up here to get away from everything. The celebrations. It was Valentine’s Day and the rec room was decorated with glitzy red hearts and cherubs holding arrows. Pink frosted cakes. Bad candies with sayings written on them. It was too much to take. Especially when as he was preparing to leave anyway, he saw Uhura come in wearing dangly red heart earrings. He heard her asking people if Spock had arrived yet. That was definitely Jim’s cue to leave.

So here he stood on the Observation Deck looking out at the stars. And speaking of stars, Jim still had to file his report on that star that turned out to be an undiscovered planet. He added it to his mental to do list. Sounded like a great way to spend a night about love, when he had nothing else to do.

He sighed and crossed his arms, leaning slightly forward so his forehead touched the glass. What the hell was wrong with him? He didn’t waste time feeling sorry for himself. It never got him anywhere but more depressed. And if he didn’t knock that off, Bones was going to insist he talk or some shit.

And as if on cue the door to the room he was in slid open. He knew he should have locked it.

“What’s up, Bones?” Jim asked.

“I am not the doctor.”

That had him turning sharply to face Spock. His first officer was dressed casually in black slacks and a maroon sweater. Very Valentiney looking.

“Uhura’s not here, Spock.”

Spock looked slightly puzzled but then tilted his head. “I am not at present seeking to locate Nyota. I am aware of her location in the rec room.”

Jim nodded. “What are you doing here then? Orders from the ‘Fleet?”

“None that I am aware of, at present. My purpose is of a personal nature.”

Jim gave what he hoped was an encouraging smile but he feared it was not. It was Valentine’s Day. And his mind conjured up Spock asking Jim for permission to go to New Vulcan to bond with Uhura or something. And Jim would die.

Spock approached him and stood next to him, gazing out at the stars. “I trust you enjoyed your shore leave on Risa?”

So, small talk was it? Great.

“No. Not particularly.”

“You did not?”

“I only spent a very short time there with Bones before I went back to the ship and spent the remainder of the time catching up on sleep. How about you? Did you and Uhura enjoy the outdoor concert?”

“Yes. It was stimulating.”

“Stimulating,” Jim repeated. He did not want to think of what they did after they were stimulated by the concert. “So what is it? Uhura was looking for you, so you probably want to go.”

“You are troubled.”

That surprised Jim so much that he glanced at Spock in surprise. “Excuse me?”

“If there is anything I can help you with—”

“Did Bones put you up to this?” Jim saw from the quick flash of guilt that was barely there in Spock’s expression that he had got it exactly right. “Well, I’m fine. And you can tell him that too. I don’t need you running interference for him or whatever it is you are doing.”

“I just don’t wish for you to be overwhelmed.”

“Overwhelmed?” Jim repeated incredulously. “I’m not overwhelmed, Mister. And I’d thank you to mind your own business.”

Spock straightened at that and maybe Jim ought to take it back. He didn’t know.

“I have reports. Enjoy your evening.”

Jim left the observation room with Spock’s mouth hanging open.

He almost stopped to give Bones a piece of his mind but decided he was just better off letting himself cool down and he went to his quarters instead.

Lying in the middle of the bed was a single long stemmed red rose.

A single red rose shows love.

Jim had read that somewhere.

He went to the bed and picked it up but there was absolutely no indication where it came from.

If there was one thing Jim didn’t care for it was games. He wanted people to be straight with him and not hide behind anonymity. He’d never had a secret admirer and he wasn’t about to start. He tossed the rose in the trash.

Valentine’s Day was for fools and suckers. And Jim wasn’t about to be either one.

Okay, maybe his mood wasn’t the best. Jim could admit that.

His door chimed and he turned with a sigh.

Ship’s business would surely distract him from this ailment.


When Spock stepped inside he quarters, Jim nearly ordered him out. But then caught himself. Spock was not responsible for Jim’s bad mood. Maybe indirectly, sure, but not really Spock’s fault.


And after that brilliant opening, Spock remained silent, his gaze going past Jim to the little trash bin next to Jim’s desk.

“You did not appreciate the rose?” Spock asked.

“That?” Jim snorted. “Someone’s idea of a joke, I guess.”

“A joke?”

Jim crossed his arms in front of his chest. “What can I help you with?”

“I confess I am at a loss at present.”

He frowned. “A loss? About what?”

“Romantic gestures. The advice I have been given is apparently wrong.”

“Advice? You mean Uhura?”

Spock nodded. “Indeed.”

He tapped his fingers on his sleeve. “You got bad advice on romance for Uhura?”


Jim blinked. “But you said—”

“From Uhura not for her.”


Spock sighed. There was no other word for the sound his first officer made. “Everything I have tried has been unsuccessful. I can only come to the conclusion that my interest is not reciprocated after all.”

“Everything you’ve tried? For who?”

“You cannot be this obtuse.”

“Excuse me?”

The sigh again. “The rose, a declaration of affection, was left in your quarters by me. Since only a very few senior officers and your yeoman have access to your quarters at all, I would have thought it was fairly obvious.”

Jim stared at him.

“I attempted to ask you to a concert on Risa which you refused.”

“Wait, what? You were with Uhura.”

“Nyota and I were attending the concert as friends. It was her suggestion that I ask you, as it would be a casual, relaxing atmosphere in which to learn your interest.”

“My-my interest?” Jim felt a little faint.

“I also invited you to play chess last night, you refused the invitation. There were other attempts if you would like me to mention them.”

“Spock, I had no idea you wanted me to go the concert with you. I thought you were being polite.”

“I am not known to care for such social graces.”

Jim licked his lips. His heart was hammering. “That-that day was not good for me. It was Sam’s birthday and—”

“Yes.” Spock took a step closer. “I thought perhaps you would like to be distracted from your melancholia. But you did not appear to wish for a distraction.”

Jim bent down and retrieved the rose. “This is from you?”

“Yes. I was told it was an appropriate gesture for Valentine’s Day. I confess I have no notion how to be romantic in any way.”

Jim smiled and stepped up to Spock, holding the rose. “I don’t know, Mister Spock. I think maybe you’re doing okay.”

Spock stared at him, dark eyes unreadable yet intense. “Then may I presume my interest is reciprocated after all?”

“Are you kidding?”

“Vulcans do not—”

Jim laughed. “Yeah, I know.” He kissed Spock, right on the lips, the lips he’d wanted to taste, well since, forever, really. In all his forevers.

Spock’s hand curled around the nape of Jim’s neck, drawing him in closer.

“In fact—”

“It is time to be quiet now,” Spock murmured against Jim’s lips.

He tried to be affronted, but damn Spock could kiss. “Okay, I get it. Live in the moment. Because—”


He smiled against Spock’s mouth. “Shutting up.”

Another Spock sigh. This one sounding warmer and softer somehow. “At last.”

Thanks for reading the throwbacks…this is the last one

Throwback Thursday #7

Would You Rather, which was published November 14, 2018

Photo by Tsvetoslav Hristov on

“Come on, Spock. Answer the question.”

“This activity is beyond illogical,” Spock replied, his tone stone cold, “and vaguely inappropriate.”

Jim nodded as he leaned back against the rocks he sat against inside the cave they’d sheltered in. It was just the two of them left on the planetoid known as M65 as the rest of the landing party had been able to beam up prior to the Ion storm that had stranded him and Spock until the passing of that storm.

Jim had been playing around with his PADD when he’d come up with the game to pass the time.

“Yeah, yeah. So file a report when we get back on the ship.”

“I will not file a report, Captain.”

“Then, answer. Would you rather suck me or Bones?”

Of course, if Spock answered Bones, Jim was just going to die. And the truth was the question didn’t specify him or Bones. It was supposed to be between two people you worked closely with. Jim was the one who gave the names of who Spock was to choose from. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to say Uhura.

And anyway, yeah, completely inappropriate. Spock should file a report. But the thing of it was they’d been dancing around this, each other, for a few weeks now, what they were, what they could be, what they would be, and they hadn’t made very much progress. It was maddeningly slow.

“You. Obviously.”

Jim let out a little sigh of relief and grinned. “Okay, yeah. Wait. Why obviously?”

Spock just stared at him and Jim knew he wasn’t getting any other concessions from Spock that day. “It is your turn to answer a question.”

“All right. Sheesh.” He hit ‘next’ and groaned. “Ugh. Oh. My. God.”

“What is it?”

“This question. It’s so gross.”


“Would you rather eat a worm or a beetle?” Jim made a retching noise. “How about neither?”

“I believe you have to supply an answer.”

“That’s so gross.” Jim groaned again. “Okay. Okay. A-a worm. Oh, my God, I’m going to puke. Because-because a beetle would crunch. Oh fuck.” Jim blanched, holding his stomach.

Spock just stared unblinking at him.

“I’m seriously going to throw up.”

“It would make the cave quite unpleasant.”

“That question was so uncalled for.” Jim handed his PADD to Spock, who hit next.

“Would you rather climb a mountain or surf?” Spock read. He paused briefly.

“Wait. What? I have to eat a bug and you get two awesome things to choose from?”

“Climb a mountain,” Spock said evenly.

“Surf,” Jim interjected. “Or maybe both. Both.”

“You are supposed to choose.”

“Nope. It was your question, so I don’t have to choose.”

Jim flipped open his communicator. “Kirk to Enterprise. Come in Enterprise.”

“The storm has not passed, Captain.”

“Hope springs eternal, Mister Spock.” Jim closed his communicator, then wiggled around to put it back in its holster. He took the PADD and hit next. “Would you rather take part in a diplomatic meeting on Risa or on Andoria? Andoria, of course.”      

Spock looked surprised. “Andoria? I would have anticipated you would choose Risa.”

“Nah, and let me tell you why. If I’m at a diplomatic meeting, I’m working, right? No time for play. Why would I want to be on Risa for work? I’d want to be there for pleasure. So no. Andoria it is.”

His first officer inclined his head. “There is some logic to that.”

“Didn’t think I had it in me, did you?”

“No, sir.”

Jim punched his arm. Spock didn’t even flinch. He merely took the PADD out of Jim’s hands. As he did so, their hands briefly touched. The thing was they’d touched plenty of times over the years. Jim liked touch and Spock, well, he never protested Jim touching him, and it wasn’t until recently that it even occurred to Jim that Spock might have but he didn’t. And anyway, Jim liked touching Spock most of all.

Which had all come to a head, no pun intended, a few weeks back when they’d sort of flipped out in Jim’s quarters after a particularly grueling chess match and had well…sex.

The kind of sex that left bruises and hickeys over a lot of both of their bodies.

But the weird thing, or maybe not considering it was them, was that they hadn’t talked at all about it. Nor had they repeated it. Jim wanted to, yes, but he was a little freaked out about freaking Spock out, and he was waiting for Spock to make the next move, because he was pretty sure he’d made the last one.

Yeah, okay, Spock had been a full participant and everything. But it was weird that nothing else had happened since, wasn’t it? Except that Spock was even more solicitous of Jim than before, and he’d been that way for a while, prior to everything.

Anyway, when their hands brushed just then, Spock’s gaze flew to his and for several heartbeats neither of their hands moved away, and their gazes held. Kind of like they were in some old fashioned romance movie.

It was Spock who looked away, back to the PADD, and Jim did his best to hide his disappointment. This was not the place, anyway. He knew that.

“Would you rather save your mo—?” Spock stopped. He lost a shade of color.

“What? Spock? What?”

Jim took the PADD from him and read, ‘Would you rather save your mother or your father?’ “Oh. God. Spock, I’m sorry. That’s fucked up.” He shook his head rapidly. “I didn’t know that was in there. What a stupid game. Who even asks that?”


“Forget this stupid thing.”

“Jim,” Spock said louder. “I know you are not responsible for the content of this game.”

“I know but—”

Spock placed two fingers against Jim’s lips. “The logical choice would be my father because he is an ambassador and important member of the Federation—”

“Spock, you don’t have to do this.”

“But as you pointed out, my mother gave birth to me and–”

“Spock, please.”

He turned his face toward Spock’s and leaned his forehead against the Vulcan’s.

“Jim, I would—”

“Scott to Kirk. Enterprise to Captain Kirk.”

Jim pulled back and pulled out his communicator. “Kirk here. Scotty?”

“We’re ready to beam you and the commander aboard, Captain.”

“Great. Thank you, Scotty.” He watched as Spock straightened and stood and did the same. “We’ve just got to step out of this cave and we’ll be ready.”

“Aye, Captain. Standby.”

“Spock, I—”

“We should return to the Enterprise, Captain.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”


After a long briefing and getting checked and rechecked by Bones, Jim was finally able to begin to make his way to his quarters. Uhura slipped into the turbolift with him.

“Captain, what happened down there?”

“It was in the briefing.”

“I know but…did something happen between you two?” She had stopped the turbolift.

He looked at her.

“It’s just that Spock came back so melancholy and I’m just—”

“Nothing happened.”

“Good.” She nodded. “Because Spock is really…Captain, permission to speak freely?”

“Since when do you hold back?”

She sighed then, deflating just a little. “I think things are little different between us then the old days.”

“What do you want to say, Lieutenant?”

“It’s just, Spock is really vulnerable—”


“Where you’re concerned and—”

“I’m not out to hurt him.”

She stopped, blew out a long breath, then nodded again. “I didn’t think you were. But just…he’s not the unemotional Vulcan everyone thinks he is.”

“I know.”

“I guess you would.” She restarted the lift. “If I’ve overstepped—”

“You always overstep, Lieutenant. I’m used to it.”

She smirked as the door onto the officers’ deck opened. “See you, Captain.”

“And you, Lieutenant.”

He went right for the shower when he got to his quarters and probably spent way too much time in there. He was steamy and red when he got out. But his gaze drifted to the door that led into Spock’s quarters.

He’d been so damn determined to let Spock make the next move but maybe that had been a mistake. God knew he made enough of those when it concerned Spock. What the fuck had he been even thinking when he decided to pass their time on the planet with that absurd and trivial game?

Spock was melancholy.

Yeah, because Jim Kirk was a big stupid jerk who couldn’t stop bringing up Spock’s mother’s death, apparently.

He stepped over to the door and rested his hand on it. Now was probably not the time. He was dressed in only a towel for heaven’s sake. And while, sure, that had its advantages in normal circumstances, this was hardly normal. He owed Spock an apology even if Spock denied it.

Jim turned to go get dressed just as the door opened from Spock’s side. Jim froze and turned back around to face his first officer.

“Uh. Sorry. Did you-did you need the bathroom because—”

Spock shook his head. His brown eyes were soft, dark, so beautiful. “I knew you were here. I wanted to…I wished to speak with you.”

“Okay. Um. My quarters?”


Spock followed him from the bathroom and into his quarters, Jim automatically going toward his wardrobe. But then Spock’s hand suddenly rested on his bare forearm, turning Jim toward him. Jim’s gaze flew to his.

“Would you rather have one night you will never forget—”

 Spock’s voice was whisper soft and Jim had to strain to hear, but his heart seemed to stop beating.         

“or would you rather have him for the rest of your lives?”

Jim heard a weird sound and realized it came from him as he remembered to breathe, remembered for his heart to begin to beat again.


Spock pulled him close, into his arms, and Jim threw his arms around Spock’s neck, holding on for life, he guessed.

“I do not want to waste one more minute, Jim,” Spock told him. “My mother woke up that day never dreaming it would be her last, nor did I, and there are so many lost opportunities and—”

“Yes.” Jim pulled back to cup Spock’s face in his. “And my dad. My parents, they thought they had, I don’t know, maybe not forever, but years and they-they didn’t. I’ve already lived longer than he ever did.”

“Jim.” Spock closed his eyes.

“I love you,” Jim told him. “And I will. For as long as I have breath.”

He kissed Spock then, with everything he could, everything he had, they both had, and as they breathed at once, it still didn’t seem to be near enough, but it was what they had.

It was them.   

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