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Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

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Ramblings for December 06, 2018

 

beverage blur candy candy cane
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Tonight our power will be turned off and isn’t supposed to come back on until about 4AM. Sigh. I guess it will definitely be dark for sleeping.

Looks like Disneyland on Sunday is happening as we have scheduled the time for leaving and everything. I suppose I will still be skeptical until I walk through the gate! HA.

Tomorrow will be another Flash Fic Friday. So you have that to look forward to.

You all know I finished Where My Demons Hide. It’s a relief to have it over. That leaves me with only 11 current WIPs. I say “only” because I have had at one time or another more than 15.

My plan right now is not to post any more WIPs. If I have something finished, like the Christmas story, I will post it, but once those WIPs are completed, I won’t be posting any more. It’s very possible I won’t be writing any more fan fics at all once those are done. I think I’m getting close to saying all I have to say about Kirk and Spock. I am definitely repeating stories and ideas.

That may or may not be what you want to hear, but that’s where I am coming from.

The thing is I do have other ideas, like the one that goes with ‘Dancing on My Own’, but I am not sure at this point that I am ever going to write it.

Writing has always been my therapy. Anyway, that’s something you can hopefully look forward to in 2019, the conclusion of those 11 stories. My strategy might change on how I work on them. It might be that I will just pick a story and write on it until its done, and then so on with each story, we shall see.

December has begun its busy busy business. I have something planned for every weekend this month and many things during the week. Hopefully I will maintain my sanity as well as my physical health.

I’m tweaking one story for the Flash that I think needs more added and I am also working on the T’hy’la story. That’s it for this year, I think. Too busy and overwhelmed for much of anything else. I’d like to enjoy my holidays. I still have several movies to watch too.

You’ll notice I am using the free photos from WordPress for my blog lately, lol. Too lazy to upload new ones of my own, etc.

 

Home, Flash Fic, November 30, 2018

close up of christmas decoration hanging on tree
Photo by Gary Spears on Pexels.com

It was silly to care, I knew that.

Spock didn’t. It was just another day to him. Probably always had been. And he only indulged his illogical mate over the years.

I got it. I did.

But still, I stood looking out the window of our house on New Vulcan. For what? I didn’t know. Normally, we might have been in Riverside this time of year, but because of Spock’s ambassadorial duties, this year we were on New Vulcan.

Except that Spock had been called away and here I was alone.

Waiting for my husband to come home.

How pathetic.

I turned away from the window with a sigh and looked out over our house. I’d put up a small tree. Even decorated it. By myself. I felt more than a little foolish to have bothered.

“Computer stop Christmas music playlist.”

The strains of holiday music abruptly ceased. I eyed my gingerbread flavored tea dispassionately and picked up the cup and poured it out into the sink.

“Time to grow up, Jim,” I told myself out loud.

I was never going to be able to recreate happy holiday times that just never existed.

The first year Spock and I had been a couple, I had mentioned Christmas.

His face had gone quite blank.

“Didn’t you ever, I don’t know, celebrate some kind of holiday with Uhura?” And it had been hard to even say that, because I was still a little sensitive about the whole Spock and Uhura were a couple for so long crap.

“Nyota respected my Vulcan cultural differences.”

I had shrunk back then from the embrace we’d been in, feeling as though I had been slapped. I turned away, desperate to hide the hurt I was certain showed.

“Jim, that is not what I meant. That came out wrong,” Spock insisted.

“Sure. I have to get back to the bridge.”

“Jim—”

And it had been better later. We’d had a small celebration, which I had been expanding on or at least trying to maintain ever since.

Now, back in the present, I sighed with regret and figured I might as well just take everything down and put it away. For good this time. It seemed ridiculous now that I’d brought everything with me to New Vulcan.

A week ago when Sarek had stopped by to see if I needed anything while Spock was away, I’d seen the barest hint of disapproval in his eyes at my Christmas decorations. He hid it well, but I’d seen it.

Sometimes I felt as though I had been the one doing all the compromising. I knew that wasn’t fair, I did. But I was sad and lonely and depressed at that moment and all I could see was everything negative.

I grabbed a plastic box and took it over to the tree to begin to remove the ornaments. The first one I removed was a tiny little replica of Vulcan Prime. I’d found it in a little Alpine Christmas shop on Earth in Germany. I’d been kind of thrilled at the time at my find but of course when I’d shown my purchase to Spock he’d made some dismissive comment about how a tiny little ornament could never really represent his planet.

I should have thrown it away then, I thought, as I took it down and put it in the box.

Nyota respected my Vulcan cultural differences.

“Yeah, well fuck you,” I said out loud. “And her too. I’m not fucking Nyota.”

“For which I am grateful.”

I dropped the ornament I held, a squirrel holding an acorn, and turned in shock to see my husband standing just inside our house, wearing a black cloak and a turtle neck sweater in a blue that matched my eyes. I know, he’d told me he’d picked it out for that very reason.

“Spock!”

He inclined his head. “What are you doing, ashayam?”

“Uh.” I set the box down and hurried over to him. “Never mind that. You’re home!” I threw my arms around him and he pulled me close, nosing into my hair by my ear. A thrill shot through me. “I thought you weren’t going to be back until next month.”

“I was able to finish earlier than anticipated,” Spock said, his arms holding my very close indeed. “I thought my presence would be welcome for your holiday celebration.”

“It is. Very much so.” I pulled back to kiss him full on the lips.

Spock grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the tree. “What are you doing?” he asked again.

I swallowed heavily. “Well. I, um. I was putting it all away.”

Spock looked down into the box and reached down to pull out the replica of Vulcan Prime. His gaze rose to mine. And I couldn’t hold it. I looked away, not wanting him to read me just then.

“Jim,” he said softly. “We can celebrate Christmas every day if that is what you wish.”

I laughed and turned red. “That’s not what I want. It’s not very special if it’s every day.”

His fingers touched my chin and forced me to meet his gaze. “I love you. Beyond all ordinary meaning of such simple words. I would give up all and anything to make you happy.”

My tears pricked and stung my eyes. “I don’t want you to give up who you are or anything else. I just—”

“I know.” Spock drew me close again, still holding the ornament at the same time. “I made it back here today to be with you, as I knew you would want. I know you, ashayam. Better than I know myself at times. I never want you to change. You are my beautiful mate.”

“Spock,” I whispered into his neck.

He reached past me to put the ornament back on the tree. “Come. Let’s have some of that gingerbread tea you love so much.”

I smiled. “Yeah?”

“Indeed. And perhaps we can even replicate cookies.”

“Now you’re talking!” I laughed and pulled him toward the kitchen. And my heart was light. Spock was home.

Briefly! Writing Related

The Mysterious One has been updated. The weirdness of their planet continues. Look for our favorite Vulcan to make an appearance in the chapter after this one.

I am now going to be for the foreseeable future working on my T’hy’la Bang story. I have about 1300 words done but I need to seriously get cracking on it.

I was able to update two other stories this week, Nine Lives and The Mysterious One. I also finished all my Flash Fics for this year, as you know, and have them scheduled.

I finished the Christmas story, That Glorious Song of Old, as well, and will be posting it in the near future. It’s a few chapters but I intend to just post the whole thing on the day I post. You are welcome to comment on each chapter though if you want. I love that!

That’s it!

Illogical Regrets, Flash Fic

I got a request for this, after the happenings of Amok Time, and I decided to do it AOS, because, well, that’s what I do most of the time.

pinethumb

Spock walked into his quarters and stopped in the middle, unsure what to do. He was shaking still. He was so certain he had killed Jim. That this was the end for him. For them.

He would never recover.

Never mind his career, that was unimportant to killing…his captain.

This was much closer to killing Jim then when he had been choking him on the bridge during Nero.

In fact, he had killed Jim. He had. He would have. Jim would be dead. If not for McCoy’s neural paralyzer—

The madness that overtaken him. He had been so certain he would not have to go through this. He was only half Vulcan. Had had it drilled in to him so many times that he wasn’t considered Vulcan enough by his peers. His father—

Well, his father had expressed disappointment in him until the death of his mother.

Spock hadn’t believed T’Pring had survived the destruction of Vulcan, but she had. He’d learned that a year after. She hadn’t been on Vulcan at the time of the destruction. And even then, Spock had assumed she had the preliminary betrothal link they’d been given as children severed. She had always promised she would.

But then the madness came, and he knew then, T’Pring hadn’t severed their link. He’d turned from Nyota to bond with T’Pring, the one chosen for him. While his intention had never been to hurt Nyota, he had no choice but to do his duty. Her tears had not affected him much, as the fever had already started. He had not spoken to Nyota since he’d felt the Plak Tow. And he did not wish to see her or speak with her now.

He thought only of Jim.

Jim.

Who had just been smiling, brightly, and with all the forgiveness Spock surely did not deserve. Grinning and proving to Spock that he was very much alive and so beautiful Spock’s heart hurt.

T’Pring. Why had she so cruelly chosen to jeopardize Jim’s life instead of just ending things between them before it ever reached this point? She cared not at all for Jim, who as a human, would have died at Spock’s hands.

Spock would have forever mourned the fact he had murdered his own friend. Never mind Spock’s romantic feelings for Jim, he was his friend, and T’Pring knew he would have killed Jim.

He could no longer deny to anyone, especially himself, his true feelings for Jim.

Spock glanced toward their shared bathroom. Jim was not presently in his quarters. Spock knew this because he was always hyper aware of Jim’s movements there. He heard nothing from that direction now.

Besides, he’d heard Jim make plans to see the doctor later. Something about a drink together. How they deserved it after everything they’d been through.

Jim should not be with McCoy. He should be with Spock. Where he belonged.

Mine.

Jim was not his. Should never be. Spock was so ashamed.

Before he could even think to stop himself, Spock walked into their shared bathroom, straight through it, and into Jim’s quarters.

He paused just inside, almost in the doorway of the bathroom. He had never invaded this space without Jim present.

Spock turned to go back the way he’d come when he spotted Jim’s shirt lying on the end of his bed. His heart rate picked up dramatically as he realized which shirt it was.

The one.

Jim had been wearing this one when—

Spock’s breath hitched, and he walked over to Jim’s bed.

Jim’s bed.

He might never have slept here again. Because Spock would have-would have—

Spock picked up the ruined shirt. The slashes across Jim’s chest were stained with blood. The blood of…

Spock clenched his eyes shut and turned toward his own quarters, the shirt still held in his hands. He walked through their shared bathroom and to his own quarters.

The blood. The slashes. The lirpa wounds.

What pain Jim must have felt.

Because of him.

He rubbed his thumb on the dried blood. It made him so ashamed and angry. Not at Jim, never. But at T’Pring. At himself. At those Vulcans who just planned on letting him kill his friend and captain.

Spock turned in anger to his laundry program. He could not stand for one more moment to see Jim’s blood there. Blood he spilled.

It made him want to resign his commission and put himself in for court martial all over again.

When the shirt came out clean, Spock pressed it to his face once more.

“Jim,” he whispered. Though it was illogical since he had just washed it, Spock was certain he could smell Jim on the material. There was no longer a trace of blood, but the slashes of the lirpa were still there. Still the evidence of what he’d done.

Tears pricked his eyes and he shoved his face into the shirt.

“Hey, Spock, sorry to cut through the bathroom, but I—”

Spock raised his head quickly to see the object of his affection, of his everything, standing in his quarters, staring at Spock in utter shock. His mouth hung open, his blue eyes were wide and so-so blue.

“Spock, are you okay? What are you doing?”

“Your-your shirt…”

Jim moved from by the bathroom over to where Spock stood holding on to his shirt for dear life. “I’m okay, Spock. I’m right here.”

“But…the cuts.”

Jim searched his gaze, his eyes crinkling as he smiled gently. He pried the shirt from Spock’s hands, who let loose only reluctantly.

“Did you remove the blood?”

Spock nodded, mutely.

Jim pulled off his command tunic and the undershirt under it, then to Spock’s surprise, pulled the ruined shirt on, pulling it down over his chest. “See? No more cuts or blood.”

Spock stared at his chest through the slashes. He could see scars. He had scarred him. He swallowed heavily. “The scars—”

“Oh. Well. Bones could have gotten rid of those or at least made them a little less prominent, but I…you would think I’m kind of weird.” Jim laughed, and Spock loved his laugh. So much. “Weirder.”

Spock breathed out. “You-you should laugh more. It is precious.”

Jim frowned. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I am…ashamed.”

“Spock—”

“Jim.” Spock could not hold himself back any longer. He needed to touch Jim. He realized how many times they had just touched, like it was natural, normal. And it was between them.

He seized hold of that shirt he had ruined and used it to pull Jim closer. His gaze strayed toward Jim’s nipples, plainly visible through the slashes in the shirt, something he had seen before, yes, Jim ruined his shirt often, though this was the first time Spock had been the cause, but he had never dared even look too long at them. He did now.

Before he could stop himself, he moved his hand to Jim’s chest. He swiped his thumb through the cut shirt and across the left one. Jim sucked in a breath.

His gaze met Jim’s. “You were saying about the scars?”

Jim shook his head, his Adam’s apple sliding down his throat. “Just…when we-we were sparring, you were lying on top of me and I just…I could feel you.” Jim’s face reddened. “All of you. I’ve-I’ve imagined it so many times, not like that, no, but, you and I, you on me like that, and I just never wanted to forget that feeling. Not that scars—”

“Jim.” Spock bent toward Jim’s chest, flicking his tongue out at the nipple he’d just swiped with his thumb.

“Spock?”

He sucked on first one and then the other of Jim’s nipples, as his captain fell into his arms, sagging against him. He lifted Jim into his arms then and turned toward his bed. He planned on showing Jim just how precious he really was.

To Spock. Especially to Spock.

“Mine.”

Monday Ramblings, November 05, 2018

Leaves

Okay, so this past weekend I updated both When I Loved You and Didn’t We Almost Have it All. And did a one-shot called Seriously. Not bad. Wasn’t sure I was going to get to update anything this weekend.

During the week I will try to get an update to my Kirk family story, The Ties That Bind. One may wonder where Spock is in this story. He’s coming. I promise. That’s the last one that hasn’t been updated since September. So I’m making progress.

Where My Demons Hide comes after that and I am on the course for the end for that one. I hope to have it finished soonish. Maybe when I get to it, I will just write it to the end. Maybe not. Because, I also need to finish the Christmas story and get serious on the T’hy’la Bang story.

The good news for those last two is they will be finished when posted. A really hard thing for me folks! HA.

Wednesday is Outlaw King day, so that means a certain actor’s penis. Yes, I will be watching. Duh. The movie is apparently violent but we shall see how that goes. I just want to see him, beard and all, LOL.

No movie this week as there’s nothing really out we want to see. I did finally see Halloween. I liked it. There were some head scratching moments, I will not deny. But for the most part, it was decent. Not It decent, but decent. Speaking of King, I also saw they are remaking Pet Semetary. I swear they can’t come up with anything new to make.

As I write this, my lower back is killing me. It’s hell getting old, you know?

 

 

Thursday, November 01, Ramblings

First up, I have posted my Old Married Spirk story, A Beginning. I know today was the first day for posting, but I had it done, and decided why wait? I don’t mind being first. It is what it is. I hope you like it. The Original Series is not something I write a lot of.

This week I also posted a Halloween story and the next chapter of The Mysterious One, as well as My Devotion. That’s definitely it for the week.

I am returning to working on my Christmas story which is up over 8,000 words already. Once that is done, I will need to get more work done on my T’hy’la Bang story coming in January, as well as everything else I need to do!

I hope to have a pretty quiet weekend ahead of me. Might do some cleaning. We are hosting Thanksgiving this year and the place has a lot that needs to be done before it is clean enough for company. Fortunately I have taken the entire week of Thanksgiving off. I think I have a wine party the weekend before that but that’ll be fine.

We got exactly one child last night, our next door neighbor. Townhome and condo complexes really are ridiculous.

I’ve already voted because I vote by mail though the election is this coming Tuesday. We also change to standard time this weekend and I say, bleh. I hate it dark by 5:00. HATE IT.

WDPLUF, Chapter 4

Jim woke to the sound of a crash and then yelling. For a moment he lay there, his heart pounding so hard his chest hurt. Had they come for him?

But no.

This wasn’t Tarsus. It was Eldred. And it wasn’t Kodos’ men coming for victims. It was his mother and her husband fighting. Again.

He reached for his earphones and stuck them in his ears but he could hear them shouting right through the supposedly noise canceling buds. Jim pulled them out of his ears, sat up and went to where had left his discarded jeans before going to bed. He pulled them on and then went to the window.

The night was warm so he’d left it open earlier. Now he crawled through it, jumping down and landing in the dirt. He hadn’t bothered with shoes. If he could get away without shoes and socks every day, he would. No doubt why he had a million calluses on his feet already.

The further he got away from the house, the less he could hear them shouting. Frank was probably drunk. He hadn’t ever been physically abusive to her that Jim knew but the emotional and mental abuse took its toll on both his mother and Jim. Back when Jim used to pray, he prayed his mother would kick Frank to the curb once and for all. But instead she gave him another chance. Every single time.

Before he even knew where he was going, Jim realized he had made his way to Spock’s house. It was dark, of course. It was the middle of the night. Spock and his mom would be asleep.

Even still Jim made his way over to the window for Spock’s room. There were small lights flickering within so Jim tapped lightly on the window.

A moment later, Spock appeared and lifted it up. “Jim?”

“Hey,” Jim whispered. “There were lights. I’m kind of surprised you were up.”

“I am meditating.” Spock hesitated. “Would you like to come inside?”

Jim shook his head. “I don’t want to bother your mom.”

“She is sleeping. Come inside.”

Spock moved away from the window and Jim climbed through and into the room.

Jim’s gaze flicked around at all the lit candles. “I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”

“It is no matter. You appeared upset.”

“My mother and stepfather were fighting,” Jim admitted. “They woke me.”

“I am sorry. It must be difficult.” Spock gestured to a chair in his room. “Sit. Would you like me to bring you tea? Water?”

Jim sat in the chair and pulled his knees up. “No, I…just wanted to see you again. Sorry for leaving so abruptly earlier today.”

“I took no offense. Would you like to see Butterscotch?”

He smiled a little. “If I could…I mean is she sleeping?”

“I believe so but I can wake her.”

“No. Don’t. I can come back another day.” Jim bit his lip. “Gives me an excuse to come back.”

“You need no excuse, Jim. I enjoy your company.”

“Yeah?” Jim felt himself blush. “I don’t really make friends easily.”

“Nor do I.”

Jim glanced at Spock in surprise. “Really?”

“Quite true.”

“But why? You’re so cute.” Fuck. “I mean smart. So smart.”

“Jim.”

“Yeah?”

“I find you…cute also.”

Jim sucked in a breath. “Spock. I, uh, wow.”

Spock’s lip curved upward just slightly. “I, too, am gratified. Jim, why do you not spend the night? That chair pulls out to a lounger. You can return home in the morning with no one the wiser.”

“You don’t mind?”

“I do not.”

“How old are you, Spock? If I may ask.”

“I will be one and twenty very soon. And you, Jim?”

“I turned eighteen a month ago.” He sighed. “Didn’t finish school though. Because of…circumstances.”

Spock nodded. “That is unfortunate. But perhaps I could assist you in catching up on your education.”

Jim grinned. “In between lyre lessons?”

Spock’s lips twitched. “Indeed. Go to sleep, Jim. We will talk more tomorrow.”

****

Spock was awakened later by Jim whimpering and crying out in his sleep. At first Spock was not sure what to do but eventually he rose from his bed to where Jim thrashed about as he was unable to allow the younger man to be in so much distress.

“Jim.”

Spock knelt next to the chair, his hand outstretching toward Jim’s face.

“Jim.”

He shook Jim slightly. To enter Jim’s mind, even for good, without his permission would not be right. He needed to find another method of waking Jim. He dropped his hand to his side and shook Jim again, more persistently this time.

Jim gasped and came awake instantly, eyes wide and frightened. “Where—”

“You are here with me, Jim. You are safe.”

Jim grabbed Spock’s arms. “Spock?”

“Yes, Jim.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. Guess you should have made me go home.”

Spock shook his head. “It is fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Jim insisted. “I have nightmares. A lot. And you certainly didn’t bargain for those.”

“I did not,” Spock admitted. “But I suspect you find it no bargain either.”

Jim smiled. “No. No, I don’t.”

Spock glanced toward his bed and then back to Jim. “May I make the suggestion that you sleep in the bed with me? Perhaps being close to someone will ease your nightmares.”

Jim bit his lip. “I don’t want to be any trouble.”

“If I found the idea troublesome, I would not have suggested it.”

The smile returned. “Yeah? Okay. I-I’d like that.”

Spock rose from next to the chair to allow Jim to get up and walk over to Spock’s bed.

For a moment, Jim simply stared at the bed. Then he got in without looking at Spock and then Spock got in without looking at Jim. He pulled the sheet and blanket up over them.

“Goodnight, Jim.”

“Goodnight.”

When Spock woke in the morning, Jim had already gone, but there lingered there in his bedroom a hint of Jim and Spock liked it.

Ramblings of the Week, October 22, 2018

peanutsH

So, anyway, as you no doubt know by now, I considered deleting The Sight as I have lost my inspiration for it. I was going to just delete it without word but at the last minute decided to ask about it. I was kind of surprised I had a more positive reaction to the story and more people wanting me to keep it to get to again some day then I had anticipated. So, for now, it stays.

I was able to get the update for Nine Lives done. Next I need to write the last chapter for my Professor Spock conclusion so that I can have it done in plenty of time to post it on Halloween. That’s what I intend to do next.

I think after that I will be updating My Devotion but not sure when I will get to it. This is a pretty busy week. Tomorrow we are seeing the new Halloween (got my tickets already). Thursday is our WW and Saturday we are helping a friend with her festival appearance in Ventura. That’s pretty much an all day thing as it goes until 5. Our friend is going to a Halloween party after that but we are going to dinner after ourselves.

I also need to finish my OMS story for November. I have quite a bit done on it now and I can post it any time in November. I also need to finish the Christmas story. And as I indicated in comments, I have signed up for the T’hy’la Bang which posts in January. I think I have an idea but it would involve a lot of sex so we shall see.

I think that’s it for this week.

 

Where Do People Like Us Float Chapter 2

Chapter 2:  Jim

“Time to go to sleep, kiddo.”

His mother hovered in the doorway of his room as Jim looked up from his PADD. He had the lights off but the lights from his game still lit up his bedroom.

“Mom, I’m not a kid any longer.” He made a face. “And I’m almost to the boss of this level.”

“The doctors recommend you get a lot of rest, Jim. You’ve been overtaxing yourself. You don’t want to have a relapse.”

“Just a little longer? Okay?”

She leaned against the door frame, arms folded across her chest. “Okay but like fifteen minutes and then put it away. Please.”

Jim nodded, “Okay.”

“Don’t forget your appointment is tomorrow.”

Like he could forget.

“Yeah.”

“Honey, she just wants to help you. They all do.” She came into the room and sat on his bed. “We came to this planet because she was here and she comes highly recommended. She specializes in your condition.”

He shrugged.

His mother sighed heavily. “You could actually cooperate, you know. Doctor Cassadine is an expert in dealing with trauma as well as eating disorders.”

“I don’t have an ‘eating disorder’.” He did air quotes. “I was poisoned by the fungus making it pretty much hard to eat most food.” His bottom lip trembled. “And all she wants to know is how it makes me feel.”

“I know you saw terrible things. She’s concerned about the long lasting mental damage.”

He set the PADD aside. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I’m worried, Jim.”

“Don’t be. I’m fine.”

“You barely touched your dinner.”

“It upset my stomach.”

Mom frowned. “I used the additive that’s supposed to make it more edible for you.”

“I don’t like stew anyway.”

She reached over and smoothed out his hair. “Because of the meat?”

He lowered his gaze. “Even the smell is sickening. I told that asshole.”

“James Tiberius.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine. I told your husband and he made it anyway.”

She shook her head. “I don’t have that much of the additive left, Jim. The new shipment hasn’t reached us here. You can’t afford to waste food with it in it now. You’re not eating enough as it is. You don’t want to go back to the hospital, do you?”

“No,” he whispered.

“I’ll make you pancakes in the morning before I leave for work. Frank will take you to your appointment.”

“I can get there myself you know.”

“We don’t have enough hover cars for all three of us and he needs to go into work to pick something up. You can right with him. I’d let you come with me but I’ll be there all day tomorrow. Once your appointment is done, you can both come back here as he’ll be working from home.”

He nodded.

“And try to do some studying, okay? I know you’re almost caught up with your online school work but you missed so much that there’s still more.”

“I know.”

“Frank is trying, you know. You could try too.”

“Is he? Like he did with Sam?” Jim couldn’t keep the note of defiance out of his voice.

“He made mistakes. He knows that. We all did. I’m sorry you ever got sent to that awful place.” She touched his cheeks. “But we decided we’d work on trying to be a family when we came here. Frank knows you’re my priority. You could meet him half way.”

Jim didn’t really think Frank was trying at all and he wanted him to leave him and his mom alone and go back to Earth or Hell or wherever he belonged. But he made himself nod.

She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Please go to sleep. Pancakes in the morning.”

After she closed the door after him, Jim rose from his bed and went to the window in his room. He sat on the ledge, looking up at the stars. He wondered where Sam was. Was he on one of those distant planets he could see? Did he ever think of Jim?

Probably not.

Out of sight, out of mind.

But he’d met someone today.

A Vulcan.

****

“Are you ready for this?”

Jim stared at Frank as he stood outside the hover car. He pointed to the earbuds firmly shoved into his ears. He could still hear but he sure as hell didn’t want Frank to know.

Frank glared at him, pointing at the door. “Get in the car. I ain’t got all day.”

Jim almost corrected his grammar but that meant admitting he could hear, so he got in and turned away from Frank.

“Damn kid. I should rip those things out of your ears. But you’d just cry to your mother.”

Frank didn’t say anything after that as he sped into the main city of Eldred. The place was a dump but it was better than Tarsus, anyway.

Jim hiked his feet up on the dashboard.

“Feet down!” Frank screamed, turning beet red.

Jim almost said fuck you but he let it go and moved his feet down a fraction.

Frank pulled up in front of the office building that housed Dr. Cassadine’s office. One thing Jim could say was that she was cute anyway. Not as cute as the Vulcan boy he’d met. Spock. Jim was having trouble not thinking about it. And when he got home later, he planned to sneak over to see Spock and the kitten. He had a feeling Spock was going to keep her.

“I’ll be back to get you so don’t fucking going anywhere, you shit.”

Jim flung open the door and got out, not at all surprised when his mother’s husband sped away immediately. Jim flipped him the bird as he turned to look at the building. He had half a mind to just skip the whole thing. But then Dr. Cassadine would call Winona and then she’d give him hell and make him reschedule anyway.

Soon as he turned eighteen in a few months he was out of there and he’d kiss them both goodbye. All he had to do was bide his time.

He pushed open the door and then went to the elevator, pushing the button for the eleventh floor. Dr. Cassadine was the only office on this floor so the elevator doors opened up onto her receptionist.

An older woman eyed him as he approached her desk.

“Sally.”

“You’re two minutes late. She’s waiting.”

Dr. Cassadine had her dark hair pulled up into a tight bun perched on top of her head. And she wore glasses, the old fashioned kind that made her look kind of bookish. She sat behind her desk, hands folded in front of her.

She smiled in welcome. “Good morning, James.”

She insisted on calling him James even though the first few sessions he’d had with her he had repeatedly told her he preferred Jim. He gave up mentioning it because clearly she wasn’t going to bother listening to him.

He sat in the big plush leather chair situated directly in front of her desk.

“Water?” she asked.

“No.”

“Very well. Tell me about your morning.”

“I don’t see how that’s relevant. And it was boring.”

Her smile widened. “How about you give me a few more details?”

Jim leaned back in the chair. He was tempted to put his feet up on her desk just to see her reaction, but he resisted. “Woke up. Brushed my teeth. Had pancakes for breakfast. Took a shower. Got dressed. Got in the hover car with Frank. Came here.”

“Pancakes. Your mom used the additive?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And did it change their taste?”

“I guess. I mean, sure, I can taste it. But I couldn’t eat them at all otherwise.” He shrugged.

“Did you want to eat them?”

“Listen, I don’t have a disorder. None of this is psychological. You can check my records. I was poisoned by the fungus.”

“I know that, James. Did you want to eat them?”

“I guess so.”

“Do you get hungry?”

“Not this again.”

“One of the side effects of the fungal poisoning is loss of appetite. It’s a legitimate question.”

He looked at his feet. “I don’t really get much enjoyment out of eating now. I eat to live. So, no, I guess I didn’t really get hungry.”

“And that’s what we’re going to work on. There’s some evidence that trauma such as you suffered can contribute to your condition. I can’t fix you physically but we can work on the trauma to perhaps help with your appetite.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“The truth. James, I know how unhappy you are. And I know about your suicide attempt in the hospital. Your mom said you agreed to come here and get treatment. We decided to start with outpatient, but if I feel it’s in your best interest to check you into my facility—”

“I don’t need that.”

“Then maybe you can start cooperating with me here. Tell me about your distaste for meat.”

“Tastes change.”

“So, it’s not about Tarsus?”

“No.”

“You flinched when I said that word, you know.”

Jim’s jaw locked. He said nothing.

She tapped something into her PADD.

“How are your studies coming along?”

“Good. I’m almost done with the years I missed.”

“Do you think you’ll make friends here, James?”

“Maybe.” He thought of the Vulcan.

Spock.

“I met my neighbor.”

****

“Get in.’ Frank barked as he pulled up to where Jim was standing outside the building waiting. “I’ve got work to do and the sooner we’re back home the better.”

Jim got in and had barely closed the door before he was off again.

“I won’t ask you how it went because I can only imagine the smartass answer,” Frank said snidely.

Jim said nothing.

“Your mama wants me to take anger management classes if you can believe that.”

Jim glanced at him. “Are you going to do it?”

“Yeah right.’ Frank belched. “There’s nothing wrong with me. Your brother was a little prick. Fuck, even you know that. He would have made anyone lose it. And I was totally justified in sending you off planet after all those stunts you pulled. You were a little punk. I didn’t know what was going to happen. Nobody did.”

Jim could blame Frank for a lot of things. Like sending him there in the first place, but yeah, as much as he fucking hated Frank, and he did, he knew Frank hadn’t known what would happen. How it would change Jim forever.

Frank pulled up in front of the house. It was much smaller than their farmhouse back in Riverside. And Jim hated to admit it, but he missed it there. This house only had three bedrooms. His, theirs and a room his mom had put exercise equipment as well as office stuff in. It was one of those manufactured houses that went up in like a day and took even less time to tear down.

Frank went immediately into the room with the office equipment and shut the door. Was fine by Jim. He hoped he stayed in there all the rest of the damn day.

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