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I Will Follow You into the Dark, Chapter 2 A Wee Bit Early

“That was fantastic!” His mother exclaimed as they walked out of the arena together. “I’m so proud of you.”

Jim smiled faintly. “Thanks.”

“I’m still pissed that they put you out there in the first place. What were they thinking?”

“That we were all they had, Mom. The majority of the fleet—”

“I read the report. And they lost a lot of promising young cadets too. It’s still run by a bunch of arrogant boys.”

“Mom.”

She sighed and reached to straighten his collar. “But a captain. And the Enterprise. That’s something else, isn’t it?”

“It sure is. It’s crazy, is what it is.” He grinned back at her. “I just hope I’m ready for all this.”

 “I have no doubt that you are. Let’s go have a celebratory dinner. Right? You deserve it. My treat.”

Jim could not deny he was pretty hungry and it was nice to think someone wanted to spend time with him. All his friends had dispersed to do their own thing, whatever that was, they’d all been given some time off, so yeah, Jim got it, and then of course, Spock, well…yeah.

“That sounds great. Thank you.”

And just then walking down the corridor from where they stood, Jim spotted the older Spock from Delta Vega.

“Hey, Mom, you know there’s someone I need to talk to, can I catch up with you later for dinner?”

“Sure. I want to check on Amanda and Sarek anyway. Meet at Giuseppe’s later.”

“Great. Thanks, Mom.” He waved at her and ran after the old Vulcan. “Spock! Hey. Spock.”

Ambassador Spock turned to face him. “Jim! What an unexpected surprise.”

Jim nodded, breathless, waiting a moment to catch his breath. He hadn’t been breathing totally right since Nero’s ship. “Are you all right? You know. After everything?”

“I am as well as I can be, Jim.” Spock searched Jim’s face. “You are quite peaked. I would like to inquire after your health as well.” His gaze dropped to Jim’s throat. “The Romulans?”

“Right. And I’m okay. Just really tired, mostly.”

“And it’s no wonder. Have you gotten any rest at all since returning?”

“Some,” Jim lied. “It’s been kind of hectic.”

“I imagine.” He touched Jim’s hand with his own before Jim had a chance to avoid it, which he would have, because Jim was well aware of the touch telepathy, and we have known Spock’s intent. Spock’s eyes narrowed. “Not just the Romulans caused those injuries.”

“Let it go.”

“Jim, when I spoke of getting me to show my emotional compromise, it was not my intention to put you in harm’s way or to interfere in your relationship with Spock.”

“It was nothing, really. Okay? He just flipped out a little. I went overboard with goading him talking about all the losses on Vulcan.”

Spock’s lips thinned. “Jim—”

He shook his head. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

“Tomorrow, yes. I will be leaving to help with establishing a colony for those of us that remain. But today? There is someone I must have a word with.”

“Did you want to have dinner with my mother and me?”

“I wish I had the time, honestly. I do not. Jim, do me a favor and make it an early dinner. I would like to see you get the rest you are so clearly lacking.”

“I’ll try,” Jim said vaguely.

“Where is Spock?”

Jim shrugged. “I don’t know, really. Last I saw him he was at HQ. Kind of out of it.”

“Then you have not talked?”

“A few words.” Jim straightened. “I should be going myself. I won’t keep you from whatever you need to do. Just…can I ask you one question?”

“Of course.”

“Where you come from, were we…you and I…were we…?”

“Yes, Jim. Admittedly far later than you and Spock. We did not meet at the Academy, let alone establish a relationship then.”

Jim frowned. “When?”

Spock smiled slightly. “I think that I have given you all the information I should.” He held up his hand in the ta’al.

“Nope.” Jim shook his head. “That’s not going to cut it, old man.” He pulled the old Vulcan close, embracing him. Then he stepped back. “It wasn’t your fault, you know that, don’t you?”

“I was the one who advised you to compromise—”

“No. Not that.  What Nero did. The loss of his planet in your time.  You tried to help them.”

“And failed. Quite miserably.”

“It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause the star to destruct. You were trying to help and it was too late. But that’s not on you. And none of what he did, not the Kelvin, not Vulcan, none of that is your fault, Spock. It’s all on Nero.”

“If you say so.” He held up his hand in the ta’al again. “Live long and prosper, Jim. Peace and long life, T’hy’la.”

“Hey. What’s that—?” But Ambassador Spock was walking quickly away. And out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Uhura. He hurried after her.

“Uhura.”

She stopped, turned, and looked at him. Her eyes were red rimmed and wet.

“What is it?”

“Gaila was on the Farragut, Kirk.  She didn’t make it.”

“God. I’m sorry.”

She hugged herself. “So many, you know? A bunch of my friends didn’t make it. If not for hearing that transmission, we wouldn’t have either.”

“But you did. You heard it.”

She nodded. “And you knew what it meant. I heard you got the Enterprise.”

“I did.”

“I’ll be on there too. Again.” She bit her lip. “What about Spock?”

Jim shook his head.

“Give him time. He’s really hurting.”

“I know. I am. It’s just…”

“What?”

“Pike told me he’s leaving Starfleet. I guess to be with the other Vulcans.” Jim blew out a breath. “I don’t know. He hasn’t told me anything. I guess that’s the answer to my question.”

“Question?”

“Whether the two of us are still together.”

Uhura frowned. “But…I mean, he’d tell you if you weren’t, right?”

“I don’t know. I think I hear him loud and clear.” He looked past her to the exit. “I need to go. I’m meeting my mom. And I’m sorry about Gaila. I really liked her.”

“Me too. Tomorrow some of us are getting together for a little memorial for those that died. Our fellow cadets. It’s at two in the Quad at the Academy if you want to come.” She paused. Smiled just a little. “Captain.”

“Yeah. I’ll be there. Thanks.”

He rubbed the tightness in his chest and headed for the exit, ready to meet his mom.

I Will Follow You Into the Dark 06/19/2019 Chapter 1

Hello folks. Look for new chapters for this fic on Wednesdays, until it’s conclusion. This is what I would have liked to happen in Star Trek 2009. Please note this was going to be a flash. And now? Nope

Chapter 1

Jim’s heart pounded as he ran to the docking bay where the ships waited. He ran ahead of Bones, straight to where the commander with the list stood. The guy glanced at Jim.

“Cadet Kirk. The Farragut.”

He frowned. “What? There must be some mistake. I should be on the Ent—”

“Nope. No mistake, Kirk. The Farragut. Next—”

Jaw tightening, Jim rushed over to where he saw Spock standing. “Commander—”

“Cadet.”

He looked around, aware of the crowd of officers and cadets running around them, and lowered his voice. “Spock. Why am I on the Farragut?”

Spock straightened. “I thought, given our personal relationship, it would be best to—”

“But.” Jim took a deep breath. “I want to be on the Enterprise with you. Vulcan’s in trouble. I want to be where you are. I could help. Please.”

“I do not wish to worry about you.”

“You won’t have to. Spock, this is what we all train for. I’m good.”

Spock looked down at his PADD and pressed a few buttons. “Very well, Cadet. You are on the Enterprise.”

He tried to get Spock to look at him, but he wouldn’t. “It’s going to be okay, Spock.”

“Just…be safe. That is how you can best help me right now.”

Jim nodded as Spock hurried off in another direction.

Bones walked up to Jim. “You on the Enterprise now?”

“Yeah. He’s freaked out.”

“Can you blame him, kid? That distress signal.” Bones grabbed his arm. “Come on, kid. Let’s move.”

****

It seemed like weeks, years maybe, but Jim knew, in reality, it was just days and only a few of those.  He was back on Earth, feeling every bruise, every strained muscle, every punch to a part of his body.  He still felt the Romulan’s fingers tightening around his throat, leaving new bruises over the ones left by Spock. But none of it was close to what Spock felt. Jim knew.

He first checked on Spock’s parents. They were as well in their temporary lodgings on Earth as they could be under the circumstances.  Both exhausted and grieving. In unimaginable pain. Amanda had cried when she’d seen all the damage done to Jim, had begged him to be treated, but he had deflected as he always did. Reminding her that what she’d just been through, her and Sarek, was far worse than a few bumps and bruises to him.

They’d almost lost Spock’s mom, Jim almost had, but he’d been able to grab hold of her at the last moment before she fell to her death. At least Spock had been spared that.

But his planet and all those Vulcans and other species on the planet—

“Spock?”

Jim had approached Spock from behind, while he stood at a window at HQ, overlooking the San Francisco Bay. He’d been directed by others to find Spock there. Since returning to San Francisco, Jim had not seen Spock. He was surprised to see Spock still wore his Starfleet uniform, though it was splattered with all kinds of fluids and debris. It was beyond washing, Jim thought, but did not say so. The fact that Spock still wore it, had not cleaned up, was telling, as Spock was meticulous normally. Someone should be taking care of Spock, seeing to all that, but Jim wasn’t even sure if he was the one to be doing that now. He wanted to offer, but…it was still a little raw to get away from the naked murderous fury he’d seen in Spock’s eyes not that long ago as he clearly intended to kill Jim.

Spock stiffened visibly when Jim spoke. “I am not appropriate company at present, Jim.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat that didn’t seem to want to go away.  And it hurt to swallow. It did, but Jim wasn’t going to do anything about it. “Okay. I’ll…I’ll go away in a second. I just…your parents are all right. I have them settled in Starfleet housing for now. Your mom’s resting and your dad is meditating.”

When Spock did not respond, Jim went to turn away, but then stopped.

“Is there…what can I do?” Jim took a step closer, close enough to touch Spock, but not doing so. He’d learned earlier on the ship touching Spock when he was like this was not wise.

“You have already done it. I appreciate that you saw my parents settled. And the…elders.”

But not the one Jim had seen get crushed in the cave when they’d gone to rescue them. Spock’s mom had told Jim that he’d been a teacher of Spock’s that Spock had admired. So many gone, so many taken by Nero. His own loss, that of his father, seemed small compared to everything else. There were worse things than growing up without a father. Jim had learned that all too well.

“You-you’re welcome.” He turned away.

“Jim.”

“Yeah?”

“You have received medical attention for your significant injuries?”

He hadn’t. Bones had bugged him, but Jim had put him off. And now Jim needed to shower, dress, and get to the ceremony where they planned to give him a medal for all this. For what, anyway? Not being able to save Vulcan. But Earth, yeah, they still stood on Earth.

“Yeah,” he lied. Because he didn’t feel like saying he hadn’t seen anyone and in the end, in Spock’s current state, he doubted Spock cared as much as he was supposed to, and for some reason, Jim felt like Spock had asked because it was what you were supposed to do for your significant other. If they still were. Which, well, Jim wasn’t even sure about that.

Pike had told him that Spock was offering his resignation. He intended to help establish a colony to rebuild the Vulcan race and anyway, what could Jim say about that? Spock hadn’t even asked him what he’d thought or even mentioned it. He’d heard it from Pike.

Spock didn’t say anything else so he left him standing looking out at the bay and left to get ready for the ceremony.

On the way to it, cleaned up and once more dressed in his cadet reds, he heard his name called.

“Jim! Jim!”

He stopped and turned, just barely catching his mother as she flew into his arms.

“Thank God!”

And she felt good, holding him this close, and he realized, that after everything, all that he’d been through just now, no one had offered him a hug, not one single person. He hugged her close, tears stinging his eyes.

“Hi Mom.” He choked on the word because he’d been about to become little again and call her Mommy, which for his age would have just been ridiculous. She didn’t seem to notice his little flub and instead held him tighter, he guessed, giving him time to get himself together.

She pulled back after about five minutes, and honestly he wished she hadn’t, but he understood they couldn’t be hugging all day, and she put her hand on his face. “You look terrible. What have they done to you?”

He shook his head. “I’m okay.”

“You saw a doctor?”

Technically, he’d seen Bones a few times after, not for treatment, but still it couldn’t exactly be considered a lie to say, “Yeah. I’m fine. Just bruised and battered. But alive.”

She smiled through tears. “Yes. No thanks to these idiots. What are they doing taking a bunch of cadets out there to fight a megalomaniac like Nero?”

“Well—”

“I know.” She sighed. “You saved the Earth. I read the report. It’s just…if he’d have cost me my son in addition to…never mind.” She kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you’re okay. I got here as soon as I heard. Spock’s not with you?”

“No. He’s-he’s having a difficult time.”

“Oh. Of course he is. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. How are Amanda and Sarek?”

“As well as they can be. I have them in lodging provided by the Federation.”

She nodded. “I’ll go check on them later, after the medal ceremony.”

“They shouldn’t…this is all too much, you know?”

“Sometimes after such horrible tragedy, we tend to want something to celebrate, honey. And I’m afraid you’re caught up in that.” She touched his cheek once more and stepped back. “And you are a hero, whether you want to be or want to admit it. We need heroes, Jim.”

“Okay,” he agreed, then linked his arm with hers, taking her with him to where the arena was, where the ceremony was being held.    

Flash Fic Friday April 12 2019

Mirror Spirk is back

Jim came into their quarters to see Spock standing near their bed dressed in the flowing robes he generally preferred when not on duty.

Jim narrowed his eyes. “What are you up to?”

“I am obviously up to nothing, Captain.” Spock tried his best innocent Vulcan look.

Jim snorted. “Uh-huh.”

“What would you like to eat?”

He shook his head and pulled his gold crisscrossed shirt over his head. “Shower first.” He unhooked the sash that held his dagger and phaser from around his waist. “I’m dead tired and sore all over.”

He sat on the chair next to his desk to remove his boots all the while the Vulcan continued to watch him, a neutral expression on his face.

Jim sighed.

“Do you require a massage?”

“Later for that too.”

“Or…something else, perhaps?”

He snorted again. “Later.” Jim stood and unzipped his pants, shimmying out of them, turning his ass toward Spock to give him a show. When he turned back around he saw Spock’s hands flexing.

“Later.”

“If you insist on going commando—”

“Did I give you permission to speak?”

“No, Captain.”

Jim chuckled. “You’re so easy.”

Spock arched a brow. “I am not the one is easy.”

He smirked. “You complaining?”

“About the ease with which you give yourself to me? Hardly.”

Spock took a step forward.

Jim held up his hand. “Later. And do behave or it’ll be someone else I give myself to easily.”

Spock growled.

Jim just laughed and went into the bathroom for his shower. He turned it to water and stayed under the hot stream for long enough to jerk himself off twice. Damn Vulcan deserved it to take him forever to come later.

When he came back into their quarters in only his bathroom, Spock jumped.

“Adun, you-you—”

“What is it this time? Spock. I knew you were up to something.”

Spock withdrew a big ball of fluff from within his robes. It snapped its teeth at Jim.

“A tribble?”

“It is very soft,” Spock said defensively. “And it purrs because it likes me.”

Jim did that himself so he could hardly protest. “Look at those teeth.”

“He is tame, my love.”

“Sure, sure. A tame tribble. You and your pets, Spock. The last one ate all my chips and bit me.”

Spock nodded. “And he was eliminated for it. Clearly that type of creature does not do well in captivity.”

“And tribbles do?”

“Yes, Adun. He will not bite you. I promise.” Spock set the tribble down on the bed. “What do you wish to eat, my worshipped one?”

“You must be horny, you’re laying it on pretty thick. A turkey leg.”

Spock nodded and went to the synthesizer.

Jim eyed the tribble dispassionately. “What are you naming it?”

“I believe the tribble is female.”

He rolled his eyes. Spock handed him the big roasted turkey leg. He took a bite. “Fine. What are you naming her?”

“Portia.”

“Oh, for pity’s sake.” Jim went over to his chair and sat, hiking his leg up onto the desk so that his robe fell open, exposing his already hardening cock to Spock’s gaze. “She’s not going to watch, is she?”

“Of course not.” Spock began to rub the bulge in his crotch.

“No? Because she’s on the bed, chomping those evil teeth of hers staring at me and my leg. The turkey one that is.”

“I will cover her with the sheet.”

Spock’s gaze grew hotter as he approached where Jim sat. His hand slid up Jim’s leg.

The tribble chortled.

“Spock.”

The Vulcan sighed, turned and scooped up his pet. He walked over to the laundry chute, opened it up, and tossed her in. “Satisfied, Captain?”

He took another bite of turkey leg and smiled. “Not yet. But I’d better be.”

Kris’s Birthday Fic (March 19)

“Ouch. Damn.”

Spock pulled back from touching Jim, unable to prevent a frown from appearing.

Jim winced. “Sorry. Sorry. It’s just I kind of ache everywhere.”

“Doctor McCoy released you from the medbay too early.”

“No, honey. I’m all right.”

“Yet I am unable to touch you in any way.” He tucked the sheets and blanket around Jim’s prone form upon the bed. Carefully.

“Bones has me off for another 72 hours. Twenty four of those on bedrest. It’ll be fine. I will. I promise.”

Spock remained unmoved by his declarations. It had been a near thing. Jim had spent two weeks in the medbay, the first in a coma. Spock had nearly lost him more than once in those two weeks. After Jim had fixed the warp core was surely bad enough, but now that they were bonded, married, the loss of Jim was without comprehension. Spock would not entertain the idea.

“I love you,” Jim intoned softly.

“And I you. But you take too many chances and—”

“Spock. I’m the captain.”

“All the more reason you are not expendable on away missions.”

“Spock—”

“There has been discussion of late indicating that Starfleet will restrict commanding officers from landing parties,” Spock told him.   

Jim frowned. “What? That is hardly fair.”

“What is not fair is how many times I have had to face your probable death,” Spock said, speaking more sharply than he meant to. But it had the intended effect, for Jim quieted down then, biting his lip and sinking against the pillows. His blue eyes were shiny but there were no outward signs of tears.

“I’m sorry,” Jim said softly, faintly.

It reminded Spock too much of the time Admiral Marcus had advised he was about to murder the entire Enterprise crew and Jim had turned to face Spock and all the rest of them to say he was sorry. Spock had never seen Jim look so hopeless.

Spock lowered himself to sit on the bed beside Jim and held out his hand toward Jim so that Jim could rest his hand in Spock’s rather than having Spock seize his hand. Jim put his warm hand on Spock’s, palm side down.

“Ashaya, I would never seek to turn you into something or someone you are not. I only ask that, now that we are two, perhaps three or more some day—”

Jim’s eyes widened.

“That you recall there is someone who waits for you, always, to return safely to them.”

“I never want to hurt you ever,” Jim replied.

“I know. So I ask, only, for your consideration,” Spock said. “And I will give the same back to you.”

A small smile appeared and though it was not Jim’s full wattage smile, Spock would take it. “You got it.”

“You should rest now, T’hy’la.”

“Are you going to the bridge?”

“Negative. Mr. Scott is there at present. I will work here in our quarters to watch over you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I do, in fact.”

The smile widened. “Sorry about the birthday sex. Or lack thereof. When I’m better—”

“I am unconcerned for whether I get, as you said, ‘tail’ for my birthday,” Spock said, severely. “I just want you to be better. ‘Tail’ can wait.”

Jim laughed softly. “I love you. So so much. You have no idea.”

Spock tapped his fingers on his head, which made Jim laugh again.

“All right. Maybe you do.”

“Sleep. When you wake you can have something to eat.”

Jim lowered his lashes. Looked at Spock innocently. “Ice cream?”

“We shall see. Rest.” Spock rose, leaned over and cautiously kissed Jim’s forehead. As birthday’s went, it was not Spock’s finest, but Jim was alive and beautiful and in their bed, and that was acceptable.

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Flash Fic Friday March 15, 2019

“Wow, he’s so cute.”

“Nyota.”

“Well.” She giggled. “He is. Look he’s kicking his legs.”

Sure, enough Jim, aged six, sitting on the edge of the biobed in the medbay, swinging his legs back and forth. Spock had the very human urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“This is not amusing, Nyota.”

“Spock, Leonard said it’s temporary. The effects should wear off in a few hours.”

“Or a few days. The Morapai on the planet were not very specific.”

Jim, blue eyes wide and stark in his face, glanced toward them. “Spock.”

“You’d better go to him. Poor baby looks freaked out.”

“He is not the only one.”

Nyota touched his arm. “Spock, it’ll be okay. Jim will go back to normal, and in the meantime, you’ve got this.”

“I have not had much experience with children.”

“Maybe not, but you’re going to be fine. And this is not an ordinary child. This is your husband.”

She pushed him toward little Jim, whose bottom lip had begun to tremble. Spock felt his heart clench.

“Jim, there is no reason to be upset,” he said gently.

“Are you kidding?” the little boy asked. “My feet don’t reach the ground!”

“The doctor says it will be gone in just a short time and you will be yourself again.”

Little Jim’s teeth pulled at his bottom lip. He’d seen Jim do it dozens of times. Now seeing him as a boy tugged at Spock’s heart.

“What if Bones is wrong?” His tiny voice warbled.

Spock had the same thought, of course, but he could not admit this to Jim. “He is not. He spoke to the elders on the planet. You only have to have a little patience.” He paused. “If you wish, I can take you to our quarters to wait, rather than your having to stay here in the medbay.”

“Yeah. Please. You know I hate it here.”

Jim struggled to get down and when Spock saw that he was getting frustrated, he went over to the biobed and lifted Jim off and to the floor.

He went to release the boy’s hand, but Jim tightened his grip and so Spock didn’t try to pull away again.    

Spock was grateful they didn’t run into anyone on their way to the quarters, because he knew Jim would not be happy to have his crew see him like this, and though Spock figured the word had likely spread, it was better not to get the visual confirmation.

Once they were in their quarters, Spock turned to Jim. “Would you like something to eat?”

“I want to take a shower.”

“Very well. But it has been a while since you have eaten, so when you come out, I will replicate you something. Your choice?”

“Spaghetti?”

Spock nodded. “Do you wish for me to assist you, Jim?”

Jim seemed to think about it. “Maybe. I-I don’t think I can reach the shower handle.”

“Go in and get undressed and I will be in there in a moment.”

After Jim went into their bathroom, Spock looked toward his meditation alcove hopefully, but he forced himself to squelch the desire. Right now he needed to support and help his mate, not be concerned for his own needs.

Straightening he went into bathroom.

Jim stood by the shower, eyes watery. He was still fully clothed.

“Ashaya, come here.”

Spock dropped to his knees and held out his arms. Jim ran to him and Spock pulled him close, hugging him tightly. He felt the wetness on Jim’s face and his heart beat hard and painfully in his side.

“I just want to be normal,” Jim said, hiccupping.

Spock closed his eyes. “Shh. Come. Let us get your dinner. You can shower later.”

Spock got Jim spaghetti and then a hot fudge sundae. The boy ate silently, which was quite strange for Spock, because Jim was never silent unless very troubled.

When he was finished, he asked Jim, “Do you still wish to shower?”

Jim shook his head. “Just go to bed. Maybe I’ll wake up myself again.”

When he was in bed and Spock had tucked all the covers around him, Jim stared up at Spock, blue eyes still too watery for Spock’s liking.

“You make me realize one thing,” Spock said.

“What?”

“I want us to have a little boy who looks just like you someday.”

The slightest smile appeared on Jim’s face. “G’night.”

“Good night little one.”

Spock meditated for an hour and then pulled out a Murphy bed from the wall to sleep.

He was awakened early by the sound of the shower running. He glanced at the bed and saw that, sure enough, Jim was up. Spock flopped back down staring up at the ceiling, waiting for the boy to find out what he’d want for breakfast.

Then he sat up. The shower was running. Little Jim had said he couldn’t reach the shower handle. Spock slipped out of bed and to the bathroom door. He opened it and peered in.

“Good morning,” Jim called cheerfully. “You can come in. It’s all right.”

Spock did and sure enough his full grown mate was back, grinning from ear to ear.

Spock smiled in response. He could not help it. A part of him had doubted that Jim would return to himself and Spock was inordinately glad his doubts were for nothing.

“I’ll get your coffee,” Spock told him, then turned back to their room.

He replaced the Murphy bed and got to work.

All was well again.

And the next part, Love of a Lifetime

I am hoping to end this in the very near future. By tomorrow, I hope. But here is the next part. I think there will be only one more part, probably a little longer than these last two have been.

This, too, when it is finished, will conclude the whole series at last, which began in 2013. You get to read the end here first, before I post it on A03, as my special friends. Thank you.

Though Suvoc wanted to take Jim to the healers immediately, Spock knew that Jim would need some food and rest before facing another ordeal. And Spock knew with the disease that ravaged Jim’s mind, any deviation, any change, anything really, could prove too much for his fragile mate.

So they first settled in where they would be staying, Sarek’s old house, for Sarek had been gone for years now, himself, and where Suvoc and Ronan now lived when they were on New Vulcan.

It occurred to Spock to wonder at what point it could be simply called Vulcan, as there was only the one Vulcan now, though it would never be the true Vulcan, his true homeland, of his youth, of his people, his ancestors.

When Spock presented Jim with a bowl of freshly made Plomeek soup, Jim stared down at it. “Do I like it?”

“Yes, Jim. Over the years you have expressed a fondness for it.”

Jim nodded and scooped up a spoonful.

Spock moved over to where Suvoc hovered. Ronan had left them alone to spend time together.

“How did you manage to get him back so quickly to himself?” Spock asked.

“When I touched him, I made contact with his skin, under his shirt, and connected our minds,” Suvoc replied.

Spock exhaled. “That is my method. But there is a time, when it will likely not be enough.”

“I believe such a time will not come, Sa-Mekh.”

“Hope is a dangerous and most illogical desire.”

“And yet, at times, it is all we have,” Suvoc replied. “As you, yourself, have experienced.”

“If this does not work—”

“It will.”

“If it does not.” Spock stopped, shook his head. “Jim and I made a lot of promises to each other in our youth, Suvoc. To not honor them, is to dishonor both of us.”

“Sa-Mekh.”

“In a way, I am pleased you are newly bonded and are building a life with Ronan. It will make things easier.”

Suvoc shook his head. “You speak darkness.”

“The darkness would be the rest of my days without him.”

“I know of your great affection for Father, but—”

“It goes well beyond mere affection. We are T’hy’la. I have no desire to live without him.”

“You will not have to,” Suvoc maintained stubbornly. “For this will work.”

Spock returned to Jim, who was looking more and more exhausted. He sat beside him, peering in to see that he had finished the Plomeek.

Jim smiled at him. “You were right, I liked it.”

“Jim.” He covered Jim’s hand with his. “For now, it is good for you to rest, but in the morning we are going to see the Vulcan healers Suvoc has arranged for you to meet with. Do you remember?”

“Yes,” Jim said. “I remember all of that.”

“Good.”

Jim looked wistful for a moment.

“What is it, T’hy’la?”

“Do you remember, long ago, when we first got together?”

Spock nodded. “I do. Do you?”

The smile returned. “After I was abducted by the Klingons. And you rescued me.” He paused to stare intently at Spock. “You always rescue me.”

“And I always will.”

“I was talking to you about…about being afraid. And you told me even starship captain’s feel fear.”

“Yes,” Spock said, softly. He wondered what Jim was getting at.

Jim turned his hand over so there palms were touching. “You said there was nothing to fear for either of us.”

His chest constricted and Spock nodded. “Yes.”

“It was true then, T’hy’la,” Jim said. “And it’s true now.”

Spock pulled Jim close. “Yes, Ashayam. Yes.”

Next Part of Love of a Lifetime

Perhaps have tissues

Jim fell asleep on the shuttle to New Vulcan almost immediately after they boarded. This concerned Spock, because Jim often woke up a little confused, and in an unfamiliar setting, it would be particularly upsetting for both of them.   

It wasn’t that Spock didn’t want Jim to have all the care in the universe. If he could be helped, Spock would be first in line for it. Once, Spock had been accused of neglecting to pursue alternative care for Jim because he wanted to keep Jim completely reliant on him. Spock would sell his very Katra to see Jim well and safe and anyone who truly knew Spock, and what Jim meant to him, would know.

Across from them on the shuttle sat Suvoc and Ronan. They were speaking softly to each other, so softly that Spock would have to strain to hear, his hearing was not what it had been once, and he was too disinterested to bother. If Suvoc had found a bondmate even one-tenth as important to him as Spock had with his, then Spock was glad for them, whatever the circumstances that got them together. Spock could no more blame Ronan for the rogue Romulan, Nero, then his old counterpart could be blamed for the destruction of Romulus.  Probably even less so. Every species of every planet had their problematic citizens.

The truth was, Spock did not relish the idea of giving in to that most inconvenient emotion of hope. For if he did, if he allowed himself to be filled with hope that Jim would be well again and a true partner to him once more, and then the healers on New Vulcan advised that there was nothing to be done for Jim, then Spock would feel twice as devastated. It mattered not about how illogical that was. He would be no worse off than before he’d learned Jim could not be helped, and therefore, it made no sense to mourn what he’d never even had the hope of having.

And there was that word again…hope.

But he had it. It had come in. It had crept into his heart, into his mind, his dreams, uninvited, and most unwelcome.

And if they were both doomed to disappointment, Spock had a decision to make. He was well aware that Jim would not want to live years as he was now. And Spock was equally aware he would not live years without Jim. He had made that decision long ago.

So if all hope was indeed loss for Jim, for them, then Spock would have to, at last, end it for both of them.

As they approached New Vulcan, Jim began to stir, and Spock prepared himself for what he would face as Jim awoke, for his own mind was already filled with the dreaded horror of Jim’s desolate confusion.

Jim straightened from leaning against Spock and looked around the shuttle in panic. “What? What is this? Where am I?”

“Jim.”

He looked at Spock, but there was only blankness. “Who are you?”

“I am Spock.”

Jim shrugged. “So?”

“Your husband.”

Jim shook his head. “No. No. I don’t know you. Where am I? Where’s security? Someone help me!”

He scrambled up from his seat.

Suvoc put a hand on his shoulder. “Here. I will help you.”

Jim looked at him, frowning. “Who are you?”

“It is all right, Father…Dad. It is me. It is Suvoc. We are on the shuttle about to land on New Vulcan.”

“New Vulcan.”

“Yes. And Spock is your bondmate and husband.” Suvoc turned him back toward Spock. “You remember. You have been together many years.”

Jim’s face crumbled. “Spock,” he whispered.

“Yes, Dad. Go to him.”

Spock opened his arms and Jim went into them, burying his face in Spock’s neck, tears already flowing. “I am here, ashayam. I am here.”

He gazed across, over Jim, at Suvoc. They shared a look. They both knew that if this didn’t work, the option left open to them.

Spock hoped it worked.

And there, he was back to hope. All that he had. They had.

Updating Stories and Stuff

I added Maybe, Probably to AO3 this afternoon. I don’t anticipate it being very very long, but it’s first chapter is up.

I have other stories in the works that I will not be posting until I have The Experiment finished.

Coming up for updating this week is The Mysterious One, Kirk’s Children and My Devotion. And a Friday flash. I had another suggestion for a flash given to me so I might do that. We shall see. And as usual, if I can do more, I will. But I think what I have listed here is probably plenty.

Tonight is Drag Queen Bingo at the Elk’s with my sister. Have no clue what it is, but that’s what we’re doing. Tomorrow is laundry and cleaning. I’ve been trying to give myself the weekends free from writing mostly to recuperate and so far I think it’s been working nicely.

Off to make myself tea and play my game that has a Carnival Event going on right now!

Thank you all so much for your support.

Flash Fic, February 22 2019

It was ten minutes past the time Jim was supposed to meet them, but Spock knew that was hardly unusual. Ever since Admiral Evans had retired, Jim had been taking on far more duties than he probably should. He’d told Spock that he was only going to HQ for an hour or so that Saturday morning, but an hour after he’d left, Jim had messaged him that he would just meet Spock and Surak at the San Francisco Zoo.

“He’s not coming,” Surak said, forlorn.

“He did not message me indicating that.” Spock paused as he surveyed the crowd. “He will be here.”

Spock hoped he was not lying to his son.

And then a moment later, he felt the prickle of Jim nearby just as Surak hopped up and down.

“Daddy’s coming!”

Sure enough, Jim came into view. He’d changed from the admiral’s uniform he’d worn that morning and now wore ripped blue jeans, a gray T-shirt, and a red plaid flannel shirt over that, left unbuttoned. He looked, of course, completely gorgeous.

Surak immediately started to run toward him.

“Surak, no running.”

His son ignored him and reached Jim in seconds. Jim swooped up the boy with a laugh, holding him close.

“Hey there, Tiger.”

“Not a tiger, Daddy. Lion.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah. A lion. Hey there, Lion.”’

Jim reached Spock with their son and leaned in to peck Spock on the lips. “Hi, Sweetheart.”

“You are late.”

“I know. Went home to change.” He smiled at Surak. “To make up for it I’ll get you the biggest stuffed animal of your choice.”

“Yay!”

“Jim.”

“Oh, come on, Spock. If I can’t spoil our son, who can I spoil?” His smile widened. “I’ll buy you one too, if you want.” He winked at Spock, who rolled his eyes.

“Sa-Mekh already got the tickets.”

“Of course he did. Your Sa-Mekh is very efficient. Shall we?”

Once inside, he set Surak down so that the boy could walk, though it was more like running, and Spock hoped that meant he would be burning a lot off of his manic energy, something he somehow had gotten from Jim, though they were not biologically related.

“Jim.” They stopped before an enclosure with flamingos.

“Hmm?”

“I have been thinking about a blue-eyed, blond-haired child.”

Jim glanced at him. “I’m sorry?”

“I am speaking of expanding our family. Surak was created through me and a surrogate. I would like to suggest using you and a surrogate for our next child.”

“Our next?”

Spock nodded. “It would please me greatly for that child to resemble you. If you recall, when we first bonded and married, we spoke of filling our home with the love and laughter of children.”

“Uh. Well. Yeah. We did.” Jim watched Surak for a moment and then looked back at Spock. “With the job—”

“We can handle it, Adun.”

“Are you sure? Because the bulk of it will be on you. And you did mention wanting to move more into diplomacy and perhaps ambassadorship, like your dad and the other you.”

“There is time for that, Jim.”

 Jim nodded. “Yeah. I mean, if you think there is. By the time a baby would be born, I’d probably be okay to take some parental leave.”

“I am certain.”

His mate blew out a breath. “Well.”

“Come on, Daddy.” Surak reached for Jim’s hand and tugged him from the flamingos and down a pathway toward the next exhibit. Spock dutifully followed.

For the moment, Spock let Jim just enjoy the day with Surak as their little boy, excitedly dashed from animal to animal. When they reached the lions, Surak grew pensive.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, kiddo?” Jim crouched down next to him.

“Why are they in a cage?”

“Well, the enclosure protects them from us and us from them. It’s not ideal, of course. But see these animals are here because this zoo works for conservation and to preserve them so they don’t become extinct like so many other animals that used to roam the Earth. They study them so they can protect them from being destroy by humans. And maybe when you have children of your own someday, these beautiful animals will still be here on Earth.”

Surak put his little hand on the glass. “I want to help save them.”

“That would be fantastic.”

Surak turned to Jim, putting his hands on Jim’s face. “Up.”

Jim laughed. “Okay, okay.” He stood up and picked up their son, carrying him to the next exhibit. And later, when they wandered the gift shops so that Surak could choose his animal, a stuffed lion, of course, bigger than the boy himself, Spock thought dryly, as Jim also allowed Surak to pick out one of those giant sugar flavored hard candy on a stick, Jim leaned over and whispered to Spock, “Yes, let’s do it. Let’s have another.”

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