Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings



May 26, 2022 Flash Fic

Spock felt Jim’s distress pouring off of him. It lead to Spock feeling distressed in reaction. Thus, definitely the problem with having your T’hy’la bond with a Human.

He could shield and that would make Jim’s emotional state less of a burden to him, but Spock didn’t really wish to do that. Not at this point.

But as Spock watched Jim anxiously standing by his father’s bed as Leonard McCoy treated him, Spock knew what he would have to do. The sacrifice he would have to make.

It would tear him apart, but for Jim, yes.

Spock put his hand on Jim’s back to get his attention, then turned him to face him, stepping away from where McCoy worked for just a moment.

“Jim, we need to talk.”

Jim licked his lips and then glanced back at his father. “Okay.” He nodded.

“When your father has been cured, you need to return to your time with him.”

Jim did not respond but was looking at Spock.

Here was the hard part.

“And I must stay here.”

“What?” Jim whispered.

“Your family is very important to you, Jim. You love them and they love you. You have a rare, very close relationship. Your life is full and rich and everything you want it to be.”

“Except without you.”

“I cannot come with you,” Spock made himself say. “I want to be with you, I love you, and that will never change.” Spock shook his head. “It amazes me that in the little amount of time I have known you, you have come to mean so much. But I do not belong there, in your time.”


“Always having to hide myself, worrying about exposure as to who and what I am. Your world is not yet ready for me. And I cannot ask you to leave your family behind to stay here with me. This is not your life; your life is there.”

“I-I could do it,” Jim insisted.

“You shouldn’t have to.”

Jim’s eyes were filling with tears, which was making it even more difficult for Spock.

“But your T’hy’la bond, don’t you need it?”

“It’s mere existence is a comfort to me. Before you leave, I will shield both of our minds to lessen any trauma or distress brought on by separation. It will be easy for you and quite manageable for me.”

“You think this is going to be easy for me?” Jim asked, choking up. “Nothing about any of this is easy. Telling me we’ll never see each other again, but hey, it’s okay, Jim because I can shield myself from you? That may work for your brain, Spock, but it sure as hell won’t work for my heart!”

“Jim—” Spock let out a shaky breath. “You know yourself that you do not want to simply disappear from your family without knowing what happened to you. You’ve said as much and I know how you feel.”

Jim closed his eyes and a tear squeezed out of his eye onto his cheek. “I get it. I understand what you’re telling me. But I want you to know, this is anything but easy.”

“I am sorry.”

Jim shook his head. “Me too.”

“Jim, only a few more minutes,” McCoy said from by the bed.

Jim embraced Spock then, holding him close, and letting the tears fall. “I don’t want this.”

“I know, T’hy’la. I do not either.”

Spock put his hand on Jim’s face.

“Will shielding hurt? I mean…physically.”

“Negative.” And yes, it will be excruciating, Spock thought.   

Jim leaned his head on Spock’s shoulder.

Spock probed Jim’s mind and placed a shield there so being apart would do not damage to Jim’s mind. He did the same for his own, though he knew it would not be enough to dull the pain and torment of not being with his T’hy’la.

And some day, if he entered Pon Farr…but no, he would not think of that. It did not matter. Only ensuring Jim would have what he needed was important.

It was the best he could do under the circumstances, but already he felt the loss of the comfort of Jim’s mind with his. He could no longer feel Jim’s deeper emotions, only surface ones where he touched.

“Jim,” McCoy called.

Jim pulled back and kissed Spock.

Amazingly, Spock let him go and walk away. He was uncertain how he managed it.

Jim went to his father’s bedside.

“He’s fine now. He’ll recover,” McCoy assured Jim. “Heart’s good as new. You may have to explain that miracle—”


“If you’re going with him,” Leonard said, with a glance at Spock, who nodded, “sit on the bed and hold onto him. That way you should both transport.”

Jim did as Leonard said, but he didn’t look at Spock. For that Spock was grateful, for he might beg Jim to stay after all.

“Okay, Sybok, they’re ready,” Leonard said into the comm.

George Kirk opened his eyes and looked around. “Jim? Who are—”

Then they were gone. Both of them.

Star Trek Day Flash

I didn’t think about writing anything for “Star Trek Day” September 8th until the night before so forgive me for this extremely rough short flash.

Spock hears the approach of Doctor McCoy, but he does not turn around. He suspects the doctor had been sent ahead to tell him the news about Spock’s husband. There is still so little they know to presume that he would not know. The instant he had been torn from the Enterprise Spock knew.


McCoy’s voice is rough, hoarse, torn asunder with grief. Spock manages not to wince.

Spock’s silence encourages the doctor to continue though that was not Spock’s intention.


Spock closes his eyes from the sight of the city lights outside their…his…apartment window. He straightens though he does not turn around.

“I know, Leonard.”

“Spock, Jim…”

“I know,” Spock says again.

“How? Who told you?” There are tears in McCoy’s voice. It sounds thick and unsteady.

“No one.”


He wants to sigh, but knows it is inappropriate under the circumstances. “The bond severed upon his–demise.”

Silence greets his words and though Spock still does not turn around it seems like an uneasy, stunned silence. Perhaps he imagines it. He is aware that McCoy does not fully understand the connection he has–had–with Jim.

“I’m sorry.”

So is Spock but he cannot make the words form let alone have them fall from his lips. He manages not to show that he is shaking. Or at least he believes he does.

“What do you need?”

“To be alone.”

McCoy is quiet though Spock knows he has not left. Then there is a hand placed on his shoulder and Spock cannot stop the flinch. Doesn’t try.

“I’ll leave you be then.” A long pause. “For now.”

He hears the apartment door open and close and then the fading of McCoy’s footsteps as he walks away to leave Spock alone.

Spock clenches his fists and curses Jim for dying.

I am soooooo sorry for this.

I’m At It Again…Sorry

Damn it I am at it again!

You’ve probably seen by now that I started a new fic called False Memories. I honestly was starting a one-shot and then it got me thinking it deserved more than one chapter and well…

I am really going to try to keep it down on the short side 2 maybe 3 chapters.




Jim tried to pay attention in his linguistics class, he did. But he found himself staring at the back of the head of Uhura.

A few days ago he’d seen them together. At a teashop. Looking intimate, cozy. He hadn’t even known they were meeting that day. At the time, Jim had thought he was overreacting to it. The spark of jealousy he’d felt was nothing. After all, Spock could meet with whomever he wanted. But normally, since they’d been seeing each other, Spock told him everything, all his plans. Not this one.

And now…the message he’d gotten this morning.

I do not believe this is working.  

Jim left the class when it was done, wondering if he should go to his next class or not.

“Kirk, are you okay?”

He froze and turned to face Uhura, who was frowning at him.

Jim kept his face blank. “Yeah. Sure. I’m fine.”

“Are you—”

“Have to go.”

She was still talking when he walked away, and yeah, maybe it was rude, but he just couldn’t do this right now.

Today, well, this afternoon, after classes, was to be the day he was going to move out of his dorm and in with Spock.

100 Words Continuation, May 25, 2018


“Why am I on the floor?”

Spock shook his head. “Let me help you up.” He stood and reached down to pull Jim up and into his arms. “That is much better, is it not?”

Jim sighed and leaned against him. “Yes. Much. Spock.”


“It-it happened again, didn’t it?”

Spock swallowed heavily. “To what do you refer?”

“You know. I-I lost it again.”

Jim’s voice was soft and filled with pain. It made Spock ache.

“It is my fault, darling. My meetings took longer than I realized. And I allowed them to talk me into dining with them.”

100 Words Continuation, May 22, 208


Spock’s hand shook as he touched Jim’s cheek. “Remember,” he whispered.

He did what he often had to do. Use their bond to remind Jim who he was and who Spock was. Usually morning and afternoons were Jim’s best times. He generally remembered and did all right. And if Spock was with him in the evenings, it never got to this point.

But Spock had been too long.

Jim’s blue eyes cleared, though they still shone with tears. “Spock?”

Spock gave him a gentle smile and allowed his hand to fall. “Yes, darling. It is me.”


100 Words Continuation April 20, 2018


“I do not understand,” Spock said after staring at Jim blankly.

“Yeah you do. Or I think you do.” Jim looked at his own clenched hands rather than at Spock. Maybe it would be easier. “Before you wanted to go to New Vulcan and I think, I don’t know, that you didn’t go because you felt like maybe Uhura and I needed you to stay. I can’t speak for her but I think from my point of view, if you think it would benefit the Vulcan race to—”

“You intend to send me a way because I did not react the way you had hoped when you confessed feelings for me.”

100 Words Continuation, 03/25/2018


“Better that than to lose Spock altogether, Bones. Look I appreciate you coming but I need to deal with this on my own and preferably alone, okay?”

Bones didn’t look at all happy about it, but he gave a sharp nod and headed for the exit. “If you need anything—”

Jim attempted a smile. “Yeah. I know. Thanks.”

After Bones left, Jim went to his terminal and decided to send his message through that instead of his PADD. He stared at it for a long time before finally typing a brief message.

I’m sorry. Never mind. Forget it.

Flash Fic Friday, May 12, 2017

Kris and I decided to do the same prompt this week for our flash fics!

This week’s prompt…A Break Up. it will conclude next week!

“You know what? If you don’t like my command decisions, Commander, you can file a report,” Jim told Spock angrily. He pulled his gold shirt on over his head.

“You are being unreasonable.” Spock’s tone was as cold as it ever got.

“And illogical too,” Jim spat.


Jim fixed his shirt and then tugged at the wrists. “See these stripes here? It means I’m the Goddamn Captain. I make the decisions.”

“Even if they are clearly wrong.”

“Even when they are clearly right.” Jim headed for the door of his quarters. “I don’t have time for this crap, Mister Spock. I’m due in the transporter room in less than five minutes.” He paused at the doorway, hands on hips, as he watched Spock going through the drawers and pulling out clothes. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I am removing my belongings from your quarters,” Spock replied, his voice clipped.

A muscle jumped in Jim’s jaw. “Oh. So that’s how it’s going to be, huh?”


“Well…good! Who asked you to move your stuff here anyway?” Jim snapped.

Spock stiffened. Or got more stiff. And the blank look that fell over his face made Jim realize that he’d probably just pushed Spock too far. It was true that Jim hadn’t “officially” asked Spock, but for the last three months they’d spent all of their time in Jim’s quarters. Little by little Spock had begun to move belongings over for easier access. And in fact, his Vulcan lyre even now hung on Jim’s wall.

“You are quite correct, Captain. You did not. My error.”

Jim opened his mouth to say something. Take it back or whatever. But the words got stuck in his throat. He was still pissed. And not at all in the mood to placate Spock.

Instead he crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the wall. “So, this is it, then?”

“Clarify.” Spock stepped over to the wall where his lyre was affixed and removed it.

His chest suddenly tightened and he had to swallow a couple of times before he could say anything. It was hitting him that this was pretty damn serious. Irreparable even.

“We’re breaking up.”

He meant it to come out softly, wistfully, but somehow it came out much harsher than that. It sounded cold and heartless.

“Affirmative,” Spock replied, his tone robotic and with a note of finality that made Jim’s heart squeeze. “I have sudden clarity at how much of a mistake it was to engage in such an inappropriate and one-sided relationship as this was.”

“Inappropriate and one-sided? Wait, what?”

“You are due in the transporter room.”

“I know but—”

“Now.” Spock straightened, all his belongings were held in his arms. And there were a lot, now that Jim stood there looking at him, holding everything. Three months’ worth of a life spent together. It had been stupid for Spock to go back and forth between their quarters. Or so it had seemed. “In fact, you are two minutes past schedule.”

As if on cue, there was a boatswain’s whistle. “Scott to Captain Kirk.”

“Kirk here.”

“Landing party’s waiting, sir.”

“I’ll be right there, Mister Scott.”

Spock nodded stiffly. “I am due on the bridge. If you will excuse me, Captain.”

Jim nodded back. “Sure.”

Spock walked past him and into the corridor. Jim let door close in his own face. For longer than he should, he just stood there. He’d pushed things too far. He knew it. Pushed Spock away. But Spock had been in the wrong too. Maybe Jim overreacted. But then—

Fuck it.

It wasn’t like he’d ever expected this…whatever…with Spock to last. Of course it wasn’t going to. And anyway, this was for the best.


Just which side did that apply to?

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