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Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Fan Fiction and Personal Ramblings

Thinking Out Loud Again

So, I am thinking of revisiting a story in 2021 that I had deleted. I am attaching what I wrote here for you to see and get your thoughts.

A few caveats

  1. I will probably revise some of this. Not all. But some. I may or may not have borrowed some of the first part for another fic. I honestly don’t remember, but because of that I would probably revise that some.
  2. The prompt, originally from foreverandeveralone I believe, was that Jim is suspected of a crime, but Spock believes in Jim and his innocence. This would continue to be the case.
  3. The original title was Truth or Consequences, but I am not sure I like that title and might rename it something else.
  4. This will be a bit down the road in 2021 (of course with the understanding I survive to do this), so if you are waiting for the conclusion or continuations of some other fics after My Devotion, no worries, I am still going to work on finishing some others before tackling this one. It’s just been in my thoughts for a while
  5. This is a bit long to read…but I thank you.

Chapter 1: A Moonlit Stroll

“So I guess this is supposed to simulate moonlight,” Jim commented as he and Spock walked along a path on Yorktown.

“For what purpose?” Spock inquired, hands linked behind his back.

“To appear romantic I guess.” He shot a quick glance at Spock. “Not that we’re trying to be romantic or anything.”

Spock appeared to dismiss that bit of silliness without further thought. “As this is a space station, there would be no moonlight, so to produce artificial moonlight for aesthetic purposes is highly illogical.”

“Okay, Spock.”

“Furthermore I have never quite understood Terran fascination for moonlight. It is merely the reflection of light from the sun and there are no magical properties.”

Jim nodded wearily. “Okay, Spock.”

“Are you all right, Captain? You seem particularly out of sorts.”

“Just tired I guess. You can go back to doing whatever it was you were doing. Mission reports. Or-or, you know, socializing with Uhura.”

“Since you have just barely recovered from your recent engagement with Krall, I suspect you would benefit from additional respite.”

Jim sighed and stopped to lean against a pillar, gazing up at the artificial moonlight. “It’s just the last few hours of my birthday, I wanted a little walk. But I guess you’re right. Walking on Yorktown isn’t quite what it would be on Earth or some other similar planet.”

“What has happened to the doctor?”

And Jim tried not to think that Spock was attempting to push his pathetic captain off on Bones, but really, it did seem like that.

“Called away on a medical emergency. Really, Spock. It’s fine. You can go.”

Spock took half a step closer. “Does it hurt?”

Jim knew by the slight shift of Spock’s shoulders toward his eye that he meant his black eye. “Just a little. I’ve had worse. How about you? How do you feel?”

“I am fully recovered.”

“I doubt that.”

“I assure you, Captain, I am functioning at optimal levels.”

He smiled a little. “That’s good to know.” He paused. “I think…I’m procrastinating, of course.”

“Procrastinating?”

“I need to call my mother. Today isn’t only my birthday.”

“I understand,” Spock said with a sharp nod. “Unfortunately, it is not something I can assist you with, Captain.”

“Yeah, I know.” He moistened his lips. “She cries. Even after all this time.”

Spock said nothing to that, he just looked vaguely uncomfortable. And who could blame him? So was Jim.

“I will leave you to it.”

Jim nodded and watched as Spock, shoulders stiff, began to walk away, away from the fake moonlit path. “Spock?”

He stopped. Turned. “Yes, Captain?”

“We’re-we’re friends, right?”

“Indeed.”

“Because lately, I don’t know, we seem to have drifted away from that a little.”

“Perhaps,” Spock acknowledged. “I apologize for my part in distancing us.”

“No, it’s all right.” He straightened from the pillar. “Just…I really don’t want to be alone right now, so, do you think, even though it’s fake and all, you might just walk a little further with me?”

For a moment, Jim was sure Spock would refuse his pathetic, whiny request. But then he returned to Jim’s side.

Spock gestured to the path. “Shall we?”

Jim smiled and fell into place next to his first officer.

****

“Spock, have you seen Jim?” Dr. McCoy approached as Spock headed into a lift to go back toward where the captain’s party had been held.

“Yes, doctor, he just went to contact his mother,” Spock said.

McCoy frowned. “Oh. Well. I guess he’s going to want to be alone for that.” He stepped into the lift with Spock.

“The captain said you had a medical emergency?”

McCoy gave a dismissive snort. “Nah, it was nothing. Minor thing. Where you off to now? Back to the party? I think it’s still going on. Uhura’s there.”

Spock nodded. “Most likely that is where I will go.”

The lift opened and they got off.

“So, you two are back together then?”

“I am not quite certain,” Spock said honestly. “We have not had any meaningful discussion.”

“And what about New Vulcan? Changed your mind?”

“I have decided to stay with Starfleet.”

The doctor nodded. “Ever mention it to Jim?”

“I have not. Considering I have decided not to leave after all a discussion of that nature seemed moot.”

He smirked. “You were chicken.”

Spock raised a brow. “Doctor?”

“You were afraid of how he would react so you decided to avoid telling him.”

“I am hardly afraid of the captain.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. Anyway, I guess I’ll go back to the party too. Think Jim’ll be back?”

Spock considered their captain’s mood and shook his head. “Doubtful.”

“That’s too bad.” They turned toward the entrance of the party and entered the room.

****

Jim disconnected from his mother and held his head in his hands. No worse than usual, he guessed. Except that she had heard about his battle with Krall and spent a good deal of their time lecturing him on continuously endangering his life. Like he’d had a choice anyway.

He lowered his hands and glanced around his temporary quarters. They were pretty nice, really. Nicer than what he’d had on the Enterprise. They reminded him of a room he’d had on Risa a year or so ago when he’d been on shore leave. Except in that room there was a giant hot tub Jim had enjoyed very much with two Risian females and one Risian male. Was it a year ago or more? He couldn’t quite recall.

Jim stood up and his stomach roiled. “Fuck,” he groaned out loud. The room swam before his eyes. He’d obviously had more to drink than he realized. Usually it didn’t affect him this way. He took a couple of deep breaths, willing the weird pain in his stomach to go away and also the dizziness.

He took a step forward and landed on his knees. Sharply. Alcohol rose up, burning his esophagus. In the distance he heard the door to his room open.

“Bones?”

As far as he knew Bones was the only one who had access to his room here on Yorktown. And his best friend always had a sort of sixth sense when something was wrong with him.

“In here. I don’t feel so good.”

Someone appeared directly in front of him but with long, shapely feminine legs. Jim leaned back to look up at her but she was a blur. Her uniform was red.

“Who are you?” he managed to gasp out, around the burn in his throat. He was feeling worse and he was pretty sure he was about to vomit. ‘

She said something but it sounded all distorted and worbally.

“Help-help me.”

****

When next Jim woke, Yorktown’s day appeared to have started judging by the artificial light beaming into his room. He was in his bed, which was really odd, since he couldn’t recall how he got there. He stared up at the ceiling. His stomach no longer hurt but he still felt a little off.

He sat up, noticing for the first time he was not alone in the bed. A woman lay next to him, her blonde hair spread out all over the pillow like a fan. The sheet was pulled up to her bare shoulder. There was something familiar about her too.

What the fuck? He didn’t remember bringing anyone back to his room. But he also realized he had no clothes on, not even his boxer briefs, which he usually slept in. Jim had never blacked out after alcohol in his life.

“Um, Good morning?”

He put his hand on her shoulder and frowned when she felt ice cold. He shook her a little but nothing. No reaction. And his stomach suddenly felt sick again, this time with dread.

He lowered the sheet as he attempted to turn her over and that’s when he saw the dagger sticking through her chest, her green eyes staring straight ahead. Blood pooled under her where she’d lay.

“Christ!” Jim scrambled out of bed.

He did recognize her, too. Ensign Rogers from the enterprise. He thought her first name was Anel.

The door to his room chimed.

Before he had time to react, it chimed again and then again in quick succession. He heard voices outside the door and then it burst open. Jim grabbed a pillow to hold over his crotch.

Four Yorktown security guards burst inside, followed by the manager of the temporary quarters.

They all stared at Ensign Rogers lying dead in the bed.

“Captain Kirk?” one of them demanded.

“Yeah.”

“You’re going to have to come with us, sir.”

“Uh.”

“Get dressed, Captain. Now.”



Chapter 2: Familiarity

“Look, can I get dressed in the bathroom?” Jim asked as he continued to clutch the pillow in front of him. Normally he wasn’t particularly shy about his naked body, but under the circumstances—

One of the guards walked over to the bathroom and stepped inside, presumably to search it. For what? Weapons? A secret escape route? Jim was not stupid. He knew how this looked and he knew why they were staring at him with baleful glares.

“Looks like it’s clear,” the guard announced coming back out.

Jim nodded and did a quick search for his clothes. He saw the clothes the shirt he’d worn to the party but it was ripped to shreds.

A guard nearby took it from him. “Evidence. The pants too. Find something new to wear…sir.”

The derision in his tone was clear enough. Jim managed to slink over to the closet without exposing too much of himself.

“What-what brought you here anyway?”

“We got word of a disturbance in this room. A woman screaming during the night.” A guard turned to the manager. “When the crime scene people get in, let them in straight away.”

Jim chose his clothes and then scooped up his communicator.

“You can leave that here,” the guard who searched the bathroom stated flatly.

“I’m allowed to call someone, right? I’m going to notify my first officer.”

“No funny business, Captain.”

“I’m clearly unarmed,” Jim said with extreme patience. He was on the verge of a panic attack but he was holding it together. So far.

He went into the bathroom and left the door ajar, figuring it was the best thing to do with these guys. He’d chosen to wear his uniform and he dressed in it quickly.

Then he flipped open his communicator.

“Kirk to Spock.”

He loved how reliable Spock was.

“Spock here.”

“Spock, I’m in trouble.”

A slight pause.

“Jim?”

“There are guards here in my quarters and they’re-I think they’re arresting me. Ensign Rogers is dead. Found dead in my room.” Jim glanced at the door. “Stabbed.”

“Say nothing until I am there, Captain.”

“Spock—”

“Nothing. I am on my way. I will meet you there.”

****

“I suppose they’ve read you your rights.”

Jim stiffened at the familiar voice. His whole body suddenly chilled and he had to fight the urge to shake. He turned from the window he had been gazing out in the locked room they’d left him in at Yorktown HQ. Just before he’d been placed in there, he spotted Commodore Paris. Her look had been sympathetic.

He made himself speak calmly. “Gary.”

Gary Mitchell, rank of Commander, smiled at Jim, but it was not a pleasant smile even on his handsome face. “Hello, Jim. Long time no see.”

Well, that was certainly true. He had been spared Gary since his academy days.

“What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I’m in charge of the investigation into the murder of Ensign Rogers.”

“You’re stationed on Yorktown?”

“A recent event, but yes.” Gary crossed his arms and leaned against the nearest wall. “I have to say, Jim, I never expected you to be so sloppy. The evidence against you is overwhelming.”

“I didn’t kill her.”

“Oh, is that what you’re going with? I half expected you to go with you murdered her during a psychotic fugue.”

“Commander Mitchell.” Spock appeared in the doorway right behind Gary.

He turned with a thin smile. “I would have expected you to contact your lapdog.”

“Captain Kirk has been released into my custody,” Spock said coolly.

Gary straightened from the wall, his face turning red with anger. “Who the hell authorized that? I’m in charge of this investigation.”

“Commodore Paris, actually.”

Gary glanced toward Jim. “Your heroism in saving Yorktown won’t help you to get away with the rape and murder of an innocent young woman, Kirk.”

Jim barely refrained from blanching at the accusation of rape.

“Come, Captain,” Spock said.

“I still need to question him,” Gary said quickly.

“Which you will do when his attorney arrives,” Spock replied.

“You’ve already gotten him an attorney? Oh, you are good, Mister Spock.” Gary watched Jim walk past him to join Spock. “Who is his attorney?”

“Sarek.”

“Your father? The ambassador?” Gary asked incredulously. “He hasn’t practiced Federation law in decades.”

“Nevertheless he has kept his knowledge current.” Spock grabbed Jim’s arm and Jim was aware he was moving in a bit of a fog.  

Spock led him to the nearest lift and when Jim opened his mouth to speak, Spock shook his head. They reached the bottom floor and Spock, his hand still on Jim’s arm, led him out of the building and to the nearest transport.

Jim didn’t even try to speak on the way to the building that housed temporarily held the Enterprise. Once they got off the transport, Spock bypassed Jim’s room and took him instead to his own quarters.

Without a word, Jim went into the bathroom and threw up. When he had nothing left to get rid of, he sat on the floor of the bathroom, leaning against the shower.

When Spock appeared, Jim looked up at him. “I didn’t kill Anel Rogers.”

“Of course you did not.” Spock leaned down and handed Jim a cup of green tea. “Please drink.”

He took it automatically, and rather clung to it. “You believe me?”

Spock’s lips quirked slightly. “I did not need your denial to know you did not kill her. I am well aware you are not capable of such a thing.”

His throat closed up and he closed his eyes. “Thank you.” That Spock believed him. That he knew Jim was innocent—

“Your thanks are not necessary,” Spock said quietly. “I would like to coax you from the floor of the bathroom if I may.”

Jim nodded and handed him the tea and then allowed Spock to reach down to help him to stand. Without even thinking about it, he found himself leaning against Spock. And Spock did not move away.

“You will get through this, Captain.”

Jim shook his head. “You’re acting captain now, Spock. I’m definitely emotionally compromised.” He paused and desperately blinked any moisture away. “Not to mention, when they officially charge me…” 

He nearly lost it altogether when Spock’s arm came up around his back to hold him in place.    

“I don’t know where to go from here, Spock,” Jim admitted, selfishly leaning more into Spock’s embrace.

“When you are ready, you can tell me what you recall about last night.”

“Yeah. I guess that would be the next logical step.” He mumbled against Spock’s neck. “Is your dad really coming?”

“Indeed. He has already left New Vulcan.”

“Gary Fucking Mitchell. This is a nightmare.”

And when Spock’s hold on him tightened, Jim couldn’t stop a tear from leaking out of his eye. God, he really hadn’t known how badly he meant that he didn’t know what he would do without Spock.  



Chapter 3: Desperation

Jim was sure his Starfleet career was over. Hell, probably his entire life. Or his actual life. Perhaps he would be convicted and executed. Not that the Federation conducted executions, but he suspected anything was possible with Gary Mitchell in charge of the case against him.

He was seated across from Spock on a sofa in Spock’s temporary quarters. His hands were wrapped around the teacup Spock had given him, but he had yet to take a single sip. He wasn’t sure he could keep anything down.

“Did you go to a drinking establishment after we parted ways?” Spock asked.

“No. I just had the drinks at the birthday party.” Birthday. If Jim had hated that day before, he doubly hated it now. “When I got back here, I had a glass of water as I spoke with my mother.”

“There was no water glass in your quarters.”

“I’m not lying about that,” Jim said defensively.

Spock’s expression remained blank. “I am aware. I suspect those who have set you up had the water glass removed.”

Jim bit his lip and looked away. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“You owe no apology. It is likely the water was drugged. Tests upon your person will need to be done, however, with your recent expelling of the contents of your stomach, whatever illicit means they used may already be undetectable. And there is also the chance they used some method difficult to detect in the first place.”

“They’ve gone to a lot of trouble, haven’t they?”

Spock hesitated a brief second. “Yes.”

Jim buried his face in his hands. “I’m really screwed.”

“The situation is dire, however, you are not, in fact, screwed. You will be found innocent and your command will be restored.”

Jim pulled his face out of his hands and blew out a breath. “I contacted my mom, we spoke for maybe, twenty minutes or so, and then I went to stand up. My stomach felt queasy and I was dizzy as hell. I sort of recall thinking that I didn’t think I’d had that much to drink and then it started to hurt. Pretty bad. I kind of fell down and was on my knees. And I remember hearing someone accessing the door of my quarters. I thought maybe it was Bones come to check on me.”

“But it was not.”

“Yeah, it was…a woman. She wore a red Starfleet uniform dress.”

“Was it Ensign Rogers?”

“I don’t know,” Jim admitted. “I don’t think so, but I can’t say for sure.”

“What makes you think it was not her?”

“She had long legs like she was pretty tall. Anel Rogers was on the petite side. And Rogers had long blonde hair. This one, I think her hair was cut to lay just under her chin.” Jim shook his head. “But her features were blurry. I can’t be sure if I’d ever seen her before.”

“That is definitely important information. What else?”

“Not much,” Jim said. “I think I blacked out at that point and when I woke up I was in bed, naked, next to Rogers.”

“And she was deceased?”

“Yeah.” Jim swallowed. “Blood everywhere. Seemed like she’d been dead for a while because it was pooling under her and coagulating, drying even around the edges.”

Spock nodded.

“I barely had time to react because then they were coming in.”

“And they claimed they had reports of a woman screaming during the night?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Yet they did not appear at the alleged time of her screams but waited until morning. “

Jim frowned. “Is that significant?”

“It might be.” Spock reached over and took the teacup out of Jim’s hands and set it on the table next to the couch. “And there is nothing else?”

“No.”

“Do you recall when you last saw Ensign Rogers?”

“Honestly, no. She wasn’t at the party that I recall. I think I noticed her when we were doing the beam ups from Altamid, but only briefly.”

“Has there ever been a time when you engaged in sexual relations with her?” Spock asked quietly.

“No, never.”

“Very well. I think right now you should try to get some sleep until my father arrives. I am in contact with Doctor McCoy and he will likely arrive to do testing.”

Jim stood up and then and walked over to the window that looked out over one of the subway transports on Yorktown. “Sleep? I don’t know that I can.”

“The sleep you had was likely drug induced and therefore would not truly be restful. You are going to need your strength, Captain.”

It was funny how perfect timing can be. Spock’s PADD, which he had left on the dining room table, pinged. Jim didn’t even know where his was. Probably the guards who had taken him away had confiscated it.

Spock went over to his PADD and read the message. He frowned, which Jim knew wasn’t good.

“Bad news, huh?”

Spock set the PADD down. “You have been relieved of command of the Enterprise pending the outcome.”

Jim’s lips twisted into a grimace. “That’s not too surprising. But there’s more, isn’t there?”

Spock looked reluctant to respond but after a moment, he nodded. “I have been told to report as Captain of the Enterprise and to distance myself from the investigation.”

Jim looked away. “I see.”

“I am refusing, Captain.”

“Jim,” he said softly. “And you should do what they say, Spock. This is your career on the line.”

“There are some things that are worth more than careers.” Spock stepped over to the window where Jim stood. “I cannot distance myself from this.”

“Spock, they can make you.”

“Then I will resign.”

So this situation was not only going to ruin Jim but Spock as well. Not to mention whoever was out to get him had taken the life of an innocent woman. Someone hated him badly. He’d made enemies. He understood that.

“I-I have contacts that could make me disappear.”

Spock’s eyes widened. “Jim—”

He held up his hand. “I’d go away from Yorktown and never be heard from again. They’d absorb me into their organization. And no one would be able to find me.”

“How is it you know such people?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I do not want to lose you in this manner.”

“I can’t…if this all plays out like I think it will, I’ll be going to prison for whatever is left of my life. It won’t be pleasant. Someone like me, probably with what fame I have, I’d likely be facing solitary confinement.” He resisted a shudder. “At best. Ceasing to be James Kirk and disappearing into the network is preferable to that.”

Spock moved fractionally closer. “Please allow me the opportunity to clear your name and have you reinstated to your rightful command before you consider such a means of escape.”

“Spock, I—”

“Please. I do not ask lightly.”

Jim closed his eyes briefly and when he opened his eyes his breath caught at the intensity of Spock’s gaze. “Okay.”

And he wasn’t even sure what made him do what he did next. Maybe it was the way Spock was looking at him, maybe it was just the utter desperation and desolation he felt, and the thought that either scenario he’d thought of, he would never see Spock again. But he stepped very close to Spock, fisted Spock’s dress uniform and sealed his lips over the clearly startled Vulcan.  

Flash Fic, January 8, 2021

“How many times is this, Jim?”

“I don’t know, Bones. One hundred? You tell me.”

Bones frowned. “Not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be. Bones—”

“Spock’s here, so…”

Bones moved away and Jim sighed, staring up at the ceiling of the medbay. He’d have to smooth it over later with his best friend. And hell, it wasn’t like he’d tried to fall off that cliff. Or take Spock with him. That had been all Spock.

“So, let’s go back to the ship and…”

“Captain…Jim!”

And as the ground gave way beneath him, Spock charged at him to prevent the fall, and they ended up falling to the ground below…together.

Jim was just glad Spock hadn’t been as seriously hurt as he was.

Speaking of…

Spock was there now, by his bedside. He looked like a cross between concerned and furious. Jim didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.

“Captain.”

Oops. Bad.

“Hiya, sweetheart.”

When Spock merely stared at him blankly, Jim had a panicked moment where he wondered if he had dreamed that he and Spock were a-well-a thing.

But Spock stepped closer, reached for Jim’s hand, and held it.

“Never do that again.”

Jim smiled. “Okay.”

They both knew he probably would. But still.

Spock leaned down and kissed him.

He felt better already.  

Throwback Thursday, January 7, 2021

The first throwback Thursday is Maybe Probably, begun in February 2019 and concluded in April 2019

I’ll put just a few sentences here and you can read the rest via the link above

Jim stepped into his quarters and stood there in the middle of the main room for a moment, uncertain how to feel or what to do.

His gaze raked over the space. Would it have to change? Did he have to get a bigger bed? Make room for someone else’s stuff?

Or would…would Spock even want that? Would he just want to keep everything the same? Him in his quarters and Jim in his. As though nothing at all had changed.

Jim had just been released from the medbay after being there for two days. Bones had said he could have forty-eight more hours. Spock too. Under the circumstances they were docked at Yorktown, because that space station had been closest to the ship’s location when they’d been rescued.

And Bones had…well, he’d had to contact Starfleet.

The thing was…this was the fault of the mission. Spock hadn’t wanted this. Jim didn’t even know if he’d wanted it. Sure, he wanted…something with Spock, but, um, well, he hadn’t really had all this in mind.

They’d been stranded. The planet had been strange. Stranger than any Jim had yet encountered and something, somehow, made Spock go into his time. And that time had been irrevocably with Jim.

Three solid days of sexual claiming. And during that time, their minds had connected, bonded.

When they’d finally been rescued they’d been wrapped up together, still naked, both of them. A tangle of limbs. Spock had been, at first, reluctant to release Jim to the crew, but then reason returned, he recognized Bones and Uhura and the others, and he let go.

Jim had not seen him in person since, but, oh, yes, he felt him. Their minds were interlocked. He got Spock’s thoughts sometimes even and he was sure Spock got his. And he felt the Vulcan’s emotions too. Confusion, irritation, anger. Jim didn’t personally feel the second two emotions, but yes, he felt the first. And sorrow and fear. Because he was both sad and afraid that this was the last thing Spock would have wanted.

Bones had healed Jim all over. Jim was fine mostly. Nothing more than some scrapes and bruises and soreness. And some of that was from being stranded there and had nothing to do with Pon Farr.

Thinking the words made his quarters hot and heavy somehow. Oppressive. He tugged at his T-shirt. He hadn’t bothered with his uniform just yet as there was no need. Bones himself had fetched these clothes for him as he’d worn a medbay gown while he’d been there.

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.”

Flash Fic Repeat

I am not yet ready to go full blown flash fics yet so I decided to post a flash fic from December 2018

Stuck With Me

“We cannae beam you up at this moment, Commander.”

Spock closed his eyes briefly, then opened them and tried to focus. “The captain is severely injured, Mr. Scott. Without emergency treatment, he will likely not survive.”

“Spock.”

The hoarse, pained whisper had him flinching, but he did not look in the captain’s direction.

“Mr. Spock, if I even attempted it, your particles would break up in space. We’re working on it as fast as we can,” Scott replied, sounding as though he might cry.

“Understood. Contact me as soon as you have news. Spock out.”

He closed his communicator and glanced toward Jim, who lay bleeding against the wall of the cave Spock had carried his injured body to earlier. Outside, snow fell on this particular nightmare of a planet. He’d bundled the captain up as best he could, but he could see Jim shaking and his teeth chattering.

“Spock, just take these blankets and wrap yourself up in them so when you’re rescued, you’ll be okay,” Jim said, his voice a weak whisper.

“You need them, Captain. You are freezing.”

“I’m gonna die, Spock.”

“No.” He spoke too sharply. He knew that. When they were back on the Enterprise and Jim was all right, then he could reprimand Spock. “You will not die.”

“You heard Scotty. He can’t get me on the ship.”

“They will get you on the ship and Dr. McCoy will give you the necessary treatment and you will be all right,” Spock insisted.

Spock knelt down next to Jim, who visibly shivered. His eyes were dim and pain-filled.

“Spock, please, just take the blankets and stuff and stay warm.”

“No.”

“That’s an order.”

“Court-martial me when we return to the Enterprise.”

Jim closed his eyes.

“Jim!”

He shook his head slightly. “I’m here. I haven’t left yet.”

“And you will not.” Spock reached for Jim’s hand, it was so cold, it was like he was holding a hand made from ice. Spock began to feel despondent. This could not be how it ended. No. “I will add my body heat to yours.”

Jim just looked at him now and didn’t even protest which worried him even more. He placed himself next to Jim on the cave floor, gathered him close and then wrapped the emergency blankets around the two of them.

“I think I should tell you something,” Spock said then.

Jim did not respond, he just sagged against Spock. Breathing, though barely. Spock was beginning to panic.

“I intended to discuss this with you at a more convenient time, but—”

“There may not be any more time,” Jim rasped out.

Spock would not say that. Could not. And he refused to even think that. “I have felt this way for many months. Perhaps longer. When we first began our romantic relationship, I should have told you then, but I held back for fear…it does not matter. I love you, Jim. And I want you as my bondmate.”

Jim looked at his through pain-filled eyes. “Bondmate?”

“Yes. In fact, I would bond with you right now.”

“Spock—”

Spock knew he was taking a big risk, but he was desperate. He could not, would not lose Jim.

He put his hand on Jim’s cold face. So cold. Too cold. He spread his fingers out.

“My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts. Parted and never parted. Together and always.”

He was in Jim’s mind. Even as he entered, he felt the dimness, the weakening. Jim was fading. Everything that was Jim was dying. Going. Spock was nearly too late.

Jim. Come to me.

Nothing.

T’hy’la, come.

Again nothing. Jim’s consciousness faded more. Spock focused.

James. Reach for my hand.

In Spock’s mind he created an image of himself and an image of Jim. They both wore their uniforms, though Jim’s shirt was ripped and torn, covered in way too much blood. He held his hand out toward Jim.

Jim’s gaze flicked to Spock’s face and then down to his hand.

Yes, ashayam. Take it. Bond with me.

Jim took a step forward, then looked down at the blood on his shirt then back up at Spock. He extended his hand again toward Jim.

Choose me.

Jim stumbled forward, his hand reaching out and Spock took a step closer to him, seizing hold of his hand, closing his fingers into Jim’s, and tugging him close. In his mind, Spock put his hand on Jim’s face, as he was doing in the cave.

“We are one, always. This is the Vulcan heart, this is the Vulcan soul.”

Jim’s eyes widened slightly.

“Heal, my Jim.”

Jim sagged against him and collapsed in Spock’s arms.

****

“How did you get him into the healing trance?” McCoy asked Spock much later as Jim lay on the biobed in the medbay. Jim was still much paler than Spock would have liked, but the doctor assured Spock Jim would be all right.

Spock hesitated. “It is something that Vulcans and their mates can do.”

McCoy looked at Spock. Frowned. “Mates? What sort of mates?”

“Bondmates.”

“What? When? Spock—”

“Hey, no yelling.”

Spock immediately turned to Jim, whose eyes were open staring openly at him and the doctor. “Jim!”

McCoy immediately began to scan their captain.

Jim looked past the doctor to Spock. He smiled. “Hey you.”

Spock could not speak, he just looked into Jim’s beautiful blue eyes, full of life.

McCoy frowned. “How do you feel?”

“Good. Thanks to you, Bones. And to Spock.”

“Yeah, listen, Spock said something about mates and I—

“Yeah.” Jim smiled. “Spock’s my husband now. You’d better be nice.” Then he laughed softly.

McCoy rolled his eyes. “I’ll be right back. Married, God help me.”

Spock scooted closer and grabbed Jim’s hand. His warm hand. So warm. “Ashayam.”

“Spock, I love you. And I’m pretty sure you knew that long before I told you, but are you sure about this?”

“Very.”

“Yeah? Because, aren’t you stuck with me now?” He smiled, but it was a little hesitant.

“Negative.”

“You’re not?”

Spock squeezed his hand. “I am afraid you are stuck with me.”

Guess the Fic, January 5, 2021

Someone suggested (Was it J? I don’t remember) that for Guess the Fic, I try using a summary of the fic rather than lines from it. I am not using the actual summary here as that would be too easy, but rather a summation of it. I chose this one at random.

Jim is emotionally hurt when Spock reveals something after a mission that indicates Jim does not do this for Spock.

There you go folks! I wonder if you think this is easier! HA HA

Okay…

For those of you who suggested the title for my Christmas story, Let Nothing You Dismay, and I did not keep a tally, so we are on the honor system here….

Please leave me a comment as to what you’d like to see in a Jim/Spock flash and it will appear in February. Please be as specific as you can (try not to say Jim and Spock on the bridge but something more like Jim and Spock on the bridge after a fight ha ha, you get it). It’s a flash though so please nothing that will take me five years to flesh out! Also please indicate AOS or TOS. If you don’t indicate, I will assume AOS and act accordingly.

Okay looks like the only two I am missing flash fic ideas from are lpwriter and Parker. I looked it up.

lpwriter

Let nothing you dismay gets my vote!

Parker

I think Let Nothing You Dismay is really fitting for the theme & plot planned out. I also love single dad Jim with a little girl

So…lpwriter and Parker if you’d like me to write a Spirk Flash in February please either comment or email me at ivantheterrrible85@gmail.com if you are feeling shy about posting your idea on here.

Flash Fic, January 4, 2021

“Steve.”

He frowned. “Who are you?”

“Diana. Steve? Steve? Are you all right?”

He shot up in the air, breathing hard, darkness swathing the room in which he woke in. Lying in bed. He put his hand to his heart.

A hand came to rest on his keg, soothing.

“Jim?”

Jim. Yes. Jim Kirk. Yes.

“Computer, lights,” he croaked.

The lights came on and he looked at the masculine hand on his leg.

Spock. Yes. Spock. Thank God.

Spock sat up then and gave him a quizzical look. “Nightmare?”

He nodded. “Yeah a doozy. I was some other guy altogether and I don’t know, like in World War One, I think. With a woman instead of you.” He laughed.

Spock arched a brow. “Unlikely.”

“Yeah. Anyway, glad it was a dream.” Jim glanced toward the dark window. “It’s still late. Should probably go back to sleep.”

“Can you?”

“Mm. Not sure.”

Spock takes Jim’s hand. “There are other things we can do in bed besides sleep.”

Jim grins as Spock pulls him back down to lie on the bed. “Oh yeah!”

Spock kisses him as his fingers find the psi points on Jim’s face, whispering, “Forget.”

And Jim does. The nightmare is gone and only the love of Spock is there to guide him.

Flash Fic, December 31, 2020

So I was going to post this a few days late for NYE on Monday January 4th, but decided what the heck. It should go up now. I don’t know if I’ll figure something else out for Monday now, but here you go.

This is a sequel to 2018’s His Heart Remained Cold.

Photo by VisionPic .net on Pexels.com

New Year’s Eve – One Year Later

“What are your plans for New Year’s Eve with Jim?”

Spock does not know how to answer Leonard’s question. Jim has so far not specified any particular plans for them. Though Spock has been back in Admiral Jim Kirk’s life for a year now, a year to the day of New Year’s Eve, their relationship is not what it had been prior to Spock’s mistakes. He had hoped Jim would forgive him, but the truth was there was distance in Jim’s gaze even now.

“The Admiral has not disclose any plans for us.”

“You didn’t plan anything? Sorta your anniversary, isn’t it?”

“Anniversary?”

“Your reconciliation.”

Spock hesitates. “I do not believe Jim feels reconciled.”

Leonard frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He holds him back from me. A year later he still does not trust me. He believes I will leave again.”

His friend sighed. “He’s a tough egg, Spock. He was really devastated when you left.”

“I know. I suspect we will have a quiet night at home.”

And it ends up being just that.

Jim never speaks of any celebratory plans and when Spock get to their apartment in San Francisco after his late lunch with McCoy, Jim is already there and his usual subdued self.

Subdued since their so-called reconciliation, that is.

“Hi.” Jim smiles at Spock and for the barest moment it warms Spock like it once did. The sun shines on his heart and he feels once more that Jim is his las’hark.

But the smile fades away, quickly, and Jim turns away to make himself coffee in the kitchen.

The “hi” suddenly seems less welcoming, more a greeting to a stranger than to a lover, to a husband. Spock’s side twists.

“Jim.”

He speaks the name softly almost reverently. Those blue eyes turn to him, seeking an answer Spock doesn’t know.

“Do you-do you want to go somewhere to celebrate the new year?”

Jim shakes his head. “No, let’s just stay here. Not really in the mood for crowds.”

Neither is Spock, really.

“I could make us some dinner,” Spock offers.

“I’m not really hungry at the moment. Later maybe?”

Spock begins to nod, but stops the motion as Jim has already turned away. He feels trapped in a nightmare of his own making, because, yes, Spock is aware that he had caused Jim to fall out of love with him.

He offers the only thing he can at this point.

“Jim, may we speak?”
Those eyes return to his, and there is something in that gaze that frightens Spock, but he tries not to let it. He thinks he could so easily misstep right now, and it is that that scares him.

“Okay.”

He draws Jim to a chair in the living room and has him sit. Spock thinks about standing above him, but that seems like he would be hovering and threatening in his body language and Spock does not wish to come off that way, so he drops down to his knees in front of Jim, noting the surprise there in those eyes.

Those eyes, so blue, have haunted Spock for so long.

Spock takes a breath. “Jim…”

“You’re leaving again,” Jim guesses.

And the pain of it hits Spock in the stomach like a physical blow.

“Neg…no,” Spock changes to the more simpler word at the last minute. Somehow the more intimate word, though he’s not sure why that is. “I will never leave again.”

He can tell that Jim still does not believe him. He doesn’t say, but Spock is able to read it in that closed off look he has had in his eyes for far too long.

“Even now, as I am aware that I have…lost your love…if all I am to have is your companionship, then I will accept that, and cherish it.”

Jim stares at him for so long, Spock has no idea what his response will be. Part of him fears that Jim will send him away. Spock doesn’t know what he will do if that is the case.    

“You’re wrong.”

Spock does not know how to react or what he is wrong about. He remains nonplussed.

“You haven’t lost my love,” Jim clarifies. “I’ll always love you. That can’t and won’t change.”

Spock does not allow himself to feel relief. “But?”

Jim shakes his head. “I still don’t…” He stops, blows out a long breath.

“Trust me. Trust that I will not leave.”
“Yeah. I mean, you loved me before, I was your T’hy’la before. And you left anyway. It’s hard, Spock.”

Spock knows this. “Your heart remains cold.”

Jim sighs. It’s not a mean sigh or even resigned. It is simply a breath of air that seems somehow filled with both trepidation and promise.

“Take me to bed.”

“Even when we are intimate, you hold back from me.”

“I know,” Jim acknowledges. “I won’t. Not tonight. It’s-it’s been a year. Perhaps a new beginning?”

Spock will take whatever chance he can have with Jim and so they move from the living room to their bedroom.

Lovemaking is good. Very good. And as Spock moves inside Jim, it does feel different. More them. As they once were. More intimate, more feelings of love.

He lies in his back afterward, holding his sun to him, his las’hark. It feels somehow more hopeful than it has the past year, though Spock knows things are still far from perfect. He has a lot of work to do still to gain back Jim fully.

But this feels like a start.

He places his hand on Jim’s chest, over his heart. His chest feels very warm this night, warmer than he has felt in a long time, and it as though the warmth comes from within.

Spock opens their bond, hesitantly, though he does not force Jim to do the same. If Jim wishes to join Spock there he will.

Outside, fireworks go off and Spock knows midnight has come. It is a new year.

“Happy New Year, T’hy’la.”

He waits for Jim to speak those words in return, but they do not come verbally.

He feels them all over his body, through his veins, his muscles, and at last, in his mind.

Happy New Year, Spock.    

Jim has joined

“What are your plans for New Year’s Eve with Jim?”

Spock does not know how to answer Leonard’s question. Jim has so far not specified any particular plans for them. Though Spock has been back in Admiral Jim Kirk’s life for a year now, a year to the day of New Year’s Eve, their relationship is not what it had been prior to Spock’s mistakes. He had hoped Jim would forgive him, but the truth was there was distance in Jim’s gaze even now.

“The Admiral has not disclose any plans for us.”

“You didn’t plan anything? Sorta your anniversary, isn’t it?”

“Anniversary?”

“Your reconciliation.”

Spock hesitates. “I do not believe Jim feels reconciled.”

Leonard frowns. “What do you mean?”

“He holds himself back from me. A year later he still does not trust me. He believes I will leave again.”

His friend sighs. “He’s a tough egg, Spock. He was really devastated when you left. He needs time.”

“I know.” 

And Spock has a lot of time. He is not sure Jim has. Jim is young for an admiral still, and yet, from the ambassador, Spock knows there is never really enough time. Not with Jim. 

“I suspect we will have a quiet night at home.”

And it ends up being just that.

Jim never speaks of any celebratory plans and when Spock get to their apartment in San Francisco after his late lunch with McCoy, Jim is already there and his usual subdued self.

Subdued since their so-called reconciliation, that is.

“Hi.” Jim smiles at Spock and for the barest moment it warms Spock like it once did. The sun shines on his heart and he feels once more that Jim is his las’hark.

But the smile fades away, quickly, and Jim turns away to make himself coffee in the kitchen.

The “hi” suddenly seems less welcoming, more a greeting to a stranger than to a lover, to a husband. Spock’s side twists.

“Jim.”

He speaks the name softly almost reverently. Those blue eyes turn to him, seeking an answer Spock doesn’t know.

“Do you-do you want to go somewhere to celebrate the new year?”

Jim shakes his head. “No, let’s just stay here. Not really in the mood for crowds.”

Neither is Spock, really.

“I could make us some dinner,” Spock offers.

“I’m not really hungry at the moment. Later maybe?”

Spock begins to nod, but stops the motion as Jim has already turned away. He feels trapped in a nightmare of his own making, because, yes, Spock is aware that he had caused Jim to fall out of love with him.

He offers the only thing he can at this point.

“Jim, may we speak?”

Those eyes return to his, and there is something in that gaze that frightens Spock, but he tries not to let it. He thinks he could so easily misstep right now, and it is that that scares him.

“Okay.”

He draws Jim to a chair in the living room and has him sit. Spock thinks about standing above him, but that seems like he would be hovering and threatening in his body language and Spock does not wish to come off that way, so he drops down to his knees in front of Jim, noting the surprise there in those eyes.

Those eyes, so blue, have haunted Spock for so long.

Spock takes a breath. “Jim…”

“You’re leaving again,” Jim guesses.

And the pain of it hits Spock in the stomach like a physical blow.

“Neg…no,” Spock changes to the more simpler word at the last minute. Somehow the more intimate word, though he’s not sure why that is. “I will never leave again.”

He can tell that Jim still does not believe him. He doesn’t say, but Spock is able to read it in that closed off look he has had in his eyes for far too long.

“Even now, as I am aware that I have…lost your love…if all I am to have is your companionship, then I will accept that, and cherish it.”

Jim stares at him for so long, Spock has no idea what his response will be. Part of him fears that Jim will send him away. Spock doesn’t know what he will do if that is the case.   

“You’re wrong.”

Spock does not know how to react or what he is wrong about. He remains nonplussed.

“You haven’t lost my love,” Jim clarifies. “I’ll always love you. That can’t and won’t change.”

Spock does not allow himself to feel relief. “But?”

Jim shakes his head. “I still don’t…” He stops, blows out a long breath.

“Trust me. Trust that I will not leave.”

“Yeah. I mean, you loved me before, I was your T’hy’la before. And you left anyway. People I’ve cared about have been leaving me all my life. I got used to it. But you…I thought it would be different.” Jim lowers his head, looking down at his fingers clenched in his lap. “It’s hard, Spock.”

Spock knows this. “Your heart remains cold.”

Jim sighs. It’s not a mean sigh or even resigned. It is simply a breath of air that seems somehow filled with both trepidation and promise.

His gaze is softer when he looks up at Spock. Warmer. Spock’s heartbeat quickens.

“Take me to bed.”

“Even when we are intimate, you hold back from me.” Spock isn’t sure this is the right thing to say, and yet he cannot help but say it. But there is no change in Jim’s expression. It is still warm and soft. 

“I know,” Jim acknowledges. “I won’t. Not tonight. It’s-it’s been a year. Perhaps a new beginning?”

Spock will take whatever chance he can have with Jim and so they move from the living room to their bedroom.

Lovemaking is good. Very good. And as Spock moves inside Jim, it does feel different. More them. As they once were. More intimate, more feelings of love.

He lies on his back afterward, holding his sun to him, his las’hark. It feels somehow more hopeful than it has the past year, though Spock knows things are still far from perfect. He has a lot of work to do still to gain back Jim fully.

But this feels like a start.

He places his hand on Jim’s chest, over his heart. His chest feels very warm this night, warmer than he has felt in a long time, and it as though the warmth comes from within.

Spock opens their bond, hesitantly, though he does not force Jim to do the same. If Jim wishes to join Spock there he will.

Outside, fireworks go off and Spock knows midnight has come. It is a new year.

“Happy New Year, T’hy’la.”

He waits for Jim to speak those words in return, but they do not come verbally.

He feels them all over his body, through his veins, his muscles, and at last, in his mind.

Happy New Year, Spock.    

Jim has joined their bond and Spock feels a tear escape.

It is the new beginning Jim mentioned.

Spock will cherish it.

their bond and Spock feels a tear escape.

It is the new beginning Jim mentioned.

Spock will cherish it.

The End of 2020 and Beyond

Hello Everyone

I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas or other holiday if you celebrate something else.

I hope you enjoyed my very sentimental story, Let Nothing You Dismay. For those who might wish to download it to keep, I will be uploading it to AO3 at some point this last week of December.

I know there are some of you I owe a flash story to as your title, Let Nothin You Dismay, was chosen. We’ll get to that in 2021.

And that leads me to the bad news for at least some of you.

I’m taking this last week of 2020 off from posting here (after this post obviously). I will return in some limited capacity January 04, 2021, but until that time I am taking a much needed break.

Writing this December’s 25 chapter fiction was more challenging than I anticipated to be honest and a bit stressful. I don’t think I will be repeating that effort for next December, but we shall see what I do for that month 2021. That’s a long way off now.

From January 04, 2021 to January 17, 2021, my posting will not be that frequent. No every MWF flash from that period. I will post some but not all. I will be giving my full attention to concluding My Devotion. I plan to post the very last chapter January 17, 2021, the exact 5th anniversary. I hope you are all as excited as I am about this.

I don’t know yet what the rest of January will be. But I will return to my regularly scheduled blog stuff for sure February 01, 2021.

I thank you for your patience in advance.

Now I am going to suggest some of my works for you to read the rest of this week if you are interested. If not, that’s okay too.

A Spirky Christmas Carol

Until then We’ll Have to Muddle Through Somehow

Eb

Happy New Year Spock and the companion Memories of You

and a sorta sad New Year’s story from 2018

His Heart Remained Cold

I am so very grateful for those of you who have stuck with me and I can hardly believe we finally are about to make it through 2020. When I was sent home to work from home from my employer on April 01, 2020 I never imagined in a million years I would still be here on December 26, 2020 and beyond. And despite this very trying year, the time has flown by for me.

I have written and concluded many stories and started more than I should have. Hopefully there is more to come in 2021.

Thank you.

Happy New Year.

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