This one is a bit longer.

It hadn’t been intentional. Perhaps subconscious. Wherever Spock’s captain went, he often found himself drifting that way. Sometimes it was done before he even realized, like now.
They were on a short leave in San Francisco during the Terran holiday season. It had been an exciting development for many of the Enterprise’s Human crew members and the fact that Kirk was able to arrange it due to his current positive reputation with Starfleet had made the crew think even more highly of him then they already had.
Spock found himself somewhat adrift there. There hadn’t really been enough time to make his way to New Vulcan to see his father and his relationship with Nyota had, rather unfortunately, never really recovered from their estrangement over his now abandoned decision to go to New Vulcan to assist with populating the colony.
Nyota was spending the holidays with friends from the ship.
And Jim…while on Yorktown he had renewed his relationship with Carol Marcus. When the Enterprise left dock there, Doctor Marcus returned to serve on the ship so that she could be close to Jim.
Jim’s mother and brother, as well as his family, were in San Francisco too and the intention, as Spock understood, was for them all to spend Christmas together in Winona Kirk’s fancy hotel suite.
But it was now two days before Christmas and Spock had somehow followed in the footsteps of his captain and Carol Marcus who apparently had also been out for a walk on that somewhat warm twenty-third of December.
He realized their voices had turned angry as they stopped by one of the ocean piers. Spock had good hearing but he deliberately held back even out of Vulcan earshot because Carol Marcus sounded very upset and Jim had sounded…weary.
She appeared out of the pathway, arms wrapped around herself, tears streaming down her face. Spock had been unable to hide before she did, so her gaze went immediately to him.
“Why am I not surprised?” she demanded in a sobbing voice before hurrying away down the street.
Though uncertain as to her meaning, Spock felt it was prudent to check on Captain Kirk to make sure he was all right, given their apparent argument.
He hadn’t decided what to do when Jim himself appeared from the same direction she had just come from.
“Oh. Spock.”
“I did not intend to intrude.”
Jim nodded. “Yeah. Did you, uh, hear anything?”
“No. But Doctor Marcus did appear upset.”
“It’s over. Again. This time for good.”
Unsure what to say, Spock said nothing.
Jim glanced back the way he came. “I’m going to look out at the ocean. You coming?”
Since Jim didn’t wait for an answer, Spock didn’t give one, and simply followed after him.
Jim was dressed casually, wearing Jeans and a navy long sleeved shirt. He had stuck his hands in his pockets as he stood on the edge of the peer looking out at the dark, rolling ways directly in front of them.
Spock waited for his captain to explain, as he knew he would get around to doing eventually.
“She’s pregnant,” Jim said after a while.
“I…see.”
“I’d say something lame like I don’t know how it happened but yeah. We used protection, but nothing’s completely reliable.”
Spock understood. Once early on in his relationship with Nyota she had become pregnant, but the pregnancy hadn’t been viable and she’d lost it.
“She wanted us to quit Starfleet, get married, and raise the child together.”
Spock’s stomach roiled though he had no right to feel that way. But yes, the idea of Jim leaving the Enterprise and marrying Carol Marcus dismayed him.
Jim glanced at him. “I told her no.”
“You…do not want to marry her and raise the child together?”
“No, I don’t. That sounds awful, right? I know it does. But, Spock, I just…I don’t want to leave the Enterprise. It’s my home and the crew my family. My friends. Over the last few years this is the life I’ve built. Is it selfish to feel this way?”
“I cannot judge you.”
“She said if I loved her then I would make the sacrifice and do as she wanted. That doesn’t sound like…is that what love is, Spock? Sacrificing every part of yourself for someone else?” He blew out a long breath. “And it hit me then.”
“What, Jim?”
“If I loved her, it wouldn’t seem like such a sacrifice. I’d want to be with her, I’d want to get married and raise our kid together. I’d be so filled with happiness, I’d want just that. Or I think I would. I don’t love her. Not like she deserves. I care about her. But I don’t see us spending the rest of our lives together. I told her that.”
“I…” But words failed Spock. He didn’t know exactly what he should say to that. If he was expected to say anything.
“That’s when she left. She ended things. She’s already resigned her commission in Starfleet. She won’t be rejoining the Enterprise.”
“I…am sorry, Jim. And the child?”
“She’ll have him and raise him alone. It’s a boy. She already knows. She wanted us to settle in London where her mother lives so I am sure her mother will help. I’m not sure she’ll let me be part of his life at all at this point. I guess I’ll have to talk to her again about all that.” Jim sighed and turned away. “I don’t think I’ve ever broken anyone’s heart before.”
Oh you have, Spock thought, but chose not to say so out loud.
“And now. Fuck. We were supposed to spend tomorrow night and Christmas with Mom. She’s got a big suite at the Grand Hotel. All decorated for Christmas. A tree and all the trimmings. Big fancy feast. Sam and Aurelan will be there and their kids. Carol was supposed to go with me. I finally had a significant other to go with me to one of these family things.”
Jim fell silent, shook his head.
Then, “I sound like an ass, right? God, I’m all messed up.”
“I do not think you sound like an ass, Jim. You do not love her and do not wish to change your life knowing that eventually it will not work between you. I find that rather brave of you.”
Jim snorted. “Not really.”
“For a long time I stayed in a relationship because there was no real reason to end it but it had become both emotionally and physically unfulfilling. I am sure many do that exact thing. It is preferable to being alone.”
“All I know is I couldn’t even imagine not being on the Enterprise. Not seeing you…and-and everyone.”
Spock nodded. “You love the Enterprise.”
“As I said, it’s my home. But that’s…” He shook his head. “Do you know why I’m not in love with Carol?”
Spock once more was left without an answer. How was he supposed to answer that?
“Because I love someone else. And I have for a long time.” Jim wiped his face with his hand. “And I always knew I did, you know, but I thought…I can pretend I don’t. Since-since they don’t love me, it’s easier to push it away.”
“You love someone who doesn’t love you back?”
“Unrequited love is a bitch,” Jim said softly. “I’m not…proud of myself for using Carol to try to get past it…if that’s what I did. I did care for her. I do. It just…it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t fair to her.”
“And you are certain that this individual does not love you in return?”
“Well.” Jim shrugged. “He’s never given any indication he does. For a long time he was with someone but now he is not and—”
Spock shut him up with a kiss.
Jim sputtered against Spock’s lips and took a step back. “Spock!”
“You have always babbled on way too long.”
Spock returned to kissing him and this time Jim did not pull away. In fact his arms came up around Spock’s neck to remove any distance between them.
He did not know how long they kissed in the dark by the pier, but eventually Jim looked at him, eyes shining.
“That might be the best kiss I’ve ever had.”
“Yes, it might be.”
Jim laughed, as he always seemed to laugh at the strangest things. “Listen, how would you like to meet my family for Christmas?”
“I think that would be appropriate,” Spock agreed.
“But first…your place or mine?”
Spock considered this. “Wherever the closest bed is.”
Jim grinned. “Affirmative.”
****
Spock thought perhaps entering Winona Kirk’s hotel suite for the Kirk family celebration ought to have been awkward. They were all clearly expecting Carol Marcus to accompany Jim. But somehow with Jim it didn’t seem awkward at all.
“Hey everyone. This is Spock,” Jim made a general announcement. “Spock, meet the family.”
Winona Kirk’s gaze went briefly to her son but he smiled warmly and shrugged a bit, and she smiled in return.
“Welcome to our celebration, Spock. It’s wonderful to finally meet you. Jim has talked about you a lot.”
And to Spock’s surprise, she moved forward and embraced him.
“I know you’ll make Jim very happy,” she whispered as she hugged him.
“I will certainly try,” he whispered back, not at all surprised that Jim’s mother already knew how her son felt.
She released him and turned to her other son, a big giant of a man with bulging muscles who had been playfully fake punching Jim’s arms.
“This punk is my son, George Samuel, and the lovely woman trying not to look embarrassed by her husband’s antics is Aurelan.”
“It is a pleasure to meet you,” Spock said. “And to be included in your holiday.”
“Hey the pleasure is ours,” George Samuel declared. “We always worried Jimmy would never settle down.”
Jim blushed at the nickname and real punched his brother back.
“Boys,” their mother admonished. “And the children, of course, Peter and April. Come, we’re all sitting in the living room area eating treats.”
Jim returned to Spock’s side and linked his arm with Spock’s. “They can be a bit much.” He laughed. “Like me.”
“I have a feeling I can tolerate all of you quite well.”
Jim gave him a quick kiss and drew him forward to join his family.







