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Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

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Carol of the Bells

Advent Day 24

The final one. Years ago I wrote A Spirky Christmas Carol where Spock was the “Scrooge” character. I decided to do it this year with Jim. Enjoy! This is the very long “flash” LOL

I hope you love it. I am taking the rest of the year off from this blog, thank you for your support and Happy New Year too.

Merry Christmas!

Admiral James Kirk moved away from the window of his office. It was pouring rain and even there in the office the chill was on.

“Might I put on the heat, sir?”

Jim snorted at the idea. Ensign Robert Lewis rubbed his hands together dramatically. Sure it was a little cold, but not as bad as that.

“Just focus on the task at hand.”

Ensign Lewis glanced at the clock on the wall. “It’s a bit past my normal quitting time, Admiral.”

“Oh?”

“It’s just that…it’s Christmas Eve, sir.”

“So what?” Jim moved to sit behind his desk.

“I don’t mind, Admiral. But the family—”

“The family do not work for me. And as far as I am aware are not members of Starfleet.”

The ensign blanched. “Well, no, sir.”

“Get back to your desk, Lewis.”

The ensign did as he was told but Jim could see he was not at all happy about it.

Just then the door of Jim’s office burst open.

“Uncle!”

Jim’s jaw tightened as his nephew, Peter, strode over to him.

“Haven’t I told you not to come by during business hours?”

“Business hours?” Peter exclaimed. “This late on Christmas Eve? That’s surely a sin.”

“Here, here,” Lewis mumbled.

“What was that, Ensign?”

“Nothing, sir.”

Jim leaned back in his chair and observed his nephew. He wore an overcoat and had a plaid scarf wrapped around his neck.

“What do you want anyway?”

“Uncle, don’t be cross.”

“What else can I be with idiots like you running around talking about Christmas? What’s Christmas to you anyway? All it does is make you another day older and not a bit wiser.”

Peter laughed. “Well, certainly the older part’s true. But I don’t know, I think Christmas is a time when everyone’s a bit nicer to each other. At least for a few weeks anyway. Come and dine with us tomorrow.”

Jim frowned. “Us?”

“Yes, my wife and me. We’re having a Christmas luncheon and we’d love to have you.”

“I’d forgotten you got married.” He shook his head. “Love. Another idiotic notion.”

“I won’t let your grumpiness ruin my good cheer. Will you come? Luncheon will be served at one, but you’re welcome to come earlier.”

“Of course I’m not coming. I don’t make merry at Christmas.”

“But I don’t understand why,” Peter admitted.

“Now please go away and let me get my work done.”

Peter sighed and shook his head. “I just don’t understand why you’re so stubborn and resolute. But I’ll keep my Christmas cheer just the same and say Merry Christmas. And Happy New Year.”

Jim watched as Peter left his office and he felt pleased at having successfully gotten rid of the boy.

He worked another hour and then noticed that once more Ensign Lewis was fidgeting.

“Okay fine. Go home. Why bother working hard enough to make something of yourself.”

Lewis scrambled up from his chair and quickly grabbed up the regulation coat he had hanging off a hook nearby.

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

Ensign Lewis paused by the door. “Tomorrow is Christmas, sir.”

“And?”

“I have that as a day off. Scheduled far in advance, Admiral.”

“Fine. But you’d better be here bright and early the next day.”

“I will, sir.”

And out he was.

“Not much help anyway,” Jim mumbled. He stared at his terminal and his vision started to blur, so he turned it and rose himself from behind his desk.

He went to get his coat and umbrella, and then left his office at last. He took the stairs instead of the lift, and soon was outside trying to stay as dry as possible. Not easy with the wind making the rain slash sideways.

He lived in an old building not far from HQ. It hadn’t been upgraded in sometime and was several hundred years old, but it was cheap and close and that’s what mattered to him.

His was one of only two apartments on the second floor and the other one was vacant at the moment. He made his way to his and let himself in.

It was quite cold and he considered turning on the heat, but figured he’d go to bed soon anyway so there was little point.

Jim put on his pajamas and robe, then went into the kitchen to heat himself some soup. He was on the couch eating it when he heard strange noises.

He couldn’t have explained what it sounded like if someone asked. Just sort of hollow and echoey and he knew that made no sense.

But as he stared at his front door, the lock he had slung across himself twisted open. It was then that he cursed himself for not keeping his phaser handy. The door flew open and in walked—

“Pike?” Jim stood so abruptly he spilled some of the hot soup on his leg, but he ignored the sting of the burn.

“Jim.”

“I’m imagining things,” he said faintly.

“No, I am most definitely here. Sit, Jim. I have some things to tell you.”

“But you’re dead. You’ve been dead for years.” Jim sat anyway, automatically.

“I’m still dead. That’s why I’m here. To help you.”

Jim shook his head as Pike, or Pike’s ghost, approached him. “A night of undisturbed rest would likely help me far more than whyever you’re here.”

“I come to save more than your mere life, Jim.”

“Can you sit?”

“Yes.” And Pike did in a chair across from the couch upon which Jim sat. “I’m not really sure how it is I’m here now in a form you can see. I’ve observed you many times unseen over the years.”

Jim wasn’t sure he liked the idea of ghost spying on him and he shivered.

“Whatever the case, I can tell you I’m here to make you see the bad direction your life has taken.”

“Bad?” Jim scoffed. “There’s nothing wrong with my life.”

“You’re alone and friendless. That’s not the Jim I knew. Tonight you will be visited by another spirit.”

“What? Another?”

“The first of three. You can expect that spirit to appear at one in the morning. The next will appear—”

“Can’t they all come at once so I can get it over with?”

“Heed what they say, Jim. Don’t be stubborn. They are coming to help you have a better future.” Pike rose. “And now I must return.”

Jim stood too. “Where do you go? Why do you haunt me?”

But the ghost of Pike or whatever it was Jim thought he saw was gone. As though he, IT, had never been there.

And Jim decided it hadn’t been.

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” he said out loud. “A hallucination brought about by my insomnia is all.” 

It was best to ignore the whole thing and go to bed. And since he had nothing to do and no one to see for Christmas, he would spend the whole day in bed tomorrow too.

Jim couldn’t have said when he fell asleep or even when he woke, but suddenly he felt a hand upon his cheek and he opened his eyes to see a petite dark-haired woman standing beside his bed.

“How’d you get in here?” he demanded.

Then he realized belatedly she was familiar. She wore a floral scarf around her head.

“Wait.” He scooted up on the bed until he rested on the headboard. “You’re…”

“Hello Jim.”

“Spock’s mom.”

She inclined her head in a way that reminded him so much of Spock it rendered him bereft in a way he hadn’t felt in years.

“I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.”

“Long past?”

“Oh, no. Your past, Jim.”

“But you are Amanda Grayson, aren’t you?”

She did not answer him, instead held out her hand. “Rise and walk with me.”

Jim shifted on the bed and gave her his hand as she dragged him to his feet. Her hand was warm to the touch and not icy as he had expected from a ghost.

Suddenly they were no longer in his apartment but instead out before a farmhouse, the ground covered with snow.

“Do you know this place?” she asked.

“Sure, I do.”

“Come to the barn with me.”

They walked over to the big red barn, where Jim spotted a big hulking figure of a man hunched over a classic car engine.

“Frank,” he whispered.

“Not only Frank.”

Jim shook his head.

“Start the car again you little moron!” Frank shouted.

Jim glanced toward the little boy sitting in the car. “That’s me.”

She nodded. “I know. This was before your brother left.”

“Yeah, though he was never around much anyway. He always left me to get the most of Frank’s abuse.”

The car tried to turn over, but it just made a strange choking sound.

“You’re flooding it, you dumbass.”

Frank straightened and went to the car door, wrenching it open. He yanked the boy out of the car.

“You can’t do anything right, you loser. Get out of here. You’re no help anyway.”

He pushed the boy hard enough to cause him to trip. Little Jim fell on the ground.

“He was a beast of a man, wasn’t he?”

Jim shrugged. “Most days were like this. Or worse. Mom was off planet most of the time then and so Frank just had free reign to do whatever he wanted.”

Just then an older boy appeared, Sam, who leaned down to help Jim to his feet.

“Leave my brother alone,” Sam said angrily. He looked at Jim. “You okay?”

“Eh, he’s okay,” Frank snarled. “He’s just a cry baby like all the Kirks.”

“Sam did care about you, didn’t he?” she asked.

“Who knows?”

“He died as a young man and had children.”

“One. One son.”

“Your nephew, Peter.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, that’s right.”

“He looks a bit like Sam, don’t you think?”

Jim thought about it, looked at young Sam. “Maybe. I can see it, yeah.”

She put her hand on his arm. “Time to move on.”

The scene changed entirely and suddenly they were at HQ in a big ball room where there was obviously a holiday party going on. Dozens of Starfleet officers and crew members were there.

“When was this?” Amanda wondered.

“The Christmas after Nero,” Jim explained. He glanced at her. “You know who Nero is, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she said softly. “I know.”

Jim turned as Captain Pike greeted everyone at the party.

“Welcome! The food and drink are free, which is why I’m sure you’re here.” Everyone laughed. “We’ve come a long way in the last few months. So enjoy, be merry, and hope for a better future for us all. Happy Holidays.”

Jim smiled as he spotted his younger self with Bones laughing and drinking in the corner.

“You remember this party?”

“Oh yeah. It was a great time. All my friends were there. My crew.” He turned to survey the room and spotted Spock standing with Uhura. Her hands were on his chest and she was smiling. “There’s Spock with Uhura.”

“Yes,” Amanda said.

“Did you ever meet her?”

She shook her head. “This party doesn’t seem that big of a deal that everyone seems so happy. Just a bit of free food and drink. Didn’t even cost a lot.”

“The cost wasn’t the point. It was to bring us all together after months of tragedy. To celebrate the season and each other.”

“So you liked Christmas then?”

Jim frowned. “Hmm. Maybe it wasn’t so great after all.”

She smiled faintly. “This wasn’t real?”

His gaze went back to where he stood with Bones. His heart constricted. Bones. He missed him more than he could say.

“No, this was real. This was all real.”

She took his hand. “Time to see something else.”

Once more the scene changed to several years later and this time it was to him and Spock alone in a different apartment in San Francisco than the one he had now.

“No,” Jim whispered. “Please, I don’t want to see this.”

“It is what it is, Jim. I cannot change it.”

She gestured to the younger versions of Jim and Spock. He stepped closer, bile rising in his throat.

“You do not wish to go to New Vulcan with me?” Spock asked.

“New Vulcan?” Jim scoffed. “What for?”

“To bond with me.”

“Bond? That’s for Vulcans. Humans don’t bond with that Vulcan voodoo thing.”

“Doctor McCoy—”

“Don’t mention him. It’s thanks to you he’s gone.”

“Jim—”

“Bones was right anyway about that voodoo crap.”

“Then you will not bond with me even though we are T’hy’la?”

Jim laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’re not fated mates or any of that. What complete bullshit that is. We were just playing around, Spock. Having sex. It was nothing serious.”

“Nothing serious,” Spock repeated faintly.

“Right. I mean, I guess I’m sorry you thought it was.” Jim shook his head. “I gotta go. They want to see me at headquarters. Bye, Spock.”

And Jim watched as his younger self left Spock alone.   

“No, Spock! I-I didn’t mean any of that. I was just…I was just scared. And angry. And sad. What I said was—”

Spock bowed his head and then leaned against the wall. Tears streamed down his face.

“T’hy’la.”

“Spock! Spock, no! Listen.”

Jim found himself back in his bedroom, in his bed, and alone once more.

****

It seemed only seconds passed before there was a bright shining light in his room. So bright that he shielded his eyes.

It winked out and there standing beside his bed was…Bones.

Bones!

Jim scrambled out of bed so fast he nearly tripped on the tangle of covers.

“Bones? Is that you? It is you, isn’t it?”

“I’m the spirit of Christmas Present, kid.”

His throat clogged. “Kid. Do you know how long it’s been since you called me kid?”

He wanted to hug his old friend, but on the other hand, Bones didn’t look entirely solid, which reminded him Bones was gone. And Jim was friendless.

Bones looked at him with sympathy which made Jim’s eyes hurt.

“Come on, Kid. There’s much to see.”

And as before with Christmas Past, the scene changed and suddenly Jim and Bones stood before a dingy apartment in an inside hallway with stained carpeting down the hallway and dim overhead lights.

“What is this place?” he asked with a frown.    

“This is where your assistant lives.”

“Ensign Lewis?”

“Mm. Come.” And Bones touched his sleeve and they walked through the wall and into the apartment.

Jim spotted the ensign right away, dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, his feet bare. He was not alone. With him was a teenaged girl, perhaps fifteen, and a small boy, no more than five and appearing very pale and frail. The boy’s leg was twisted and misshapen.

“Who are they?”

“Bob Lewis’ children.”

“Bob?”

Bones’ look was derisive. “You do know your assistant’s first name, don’t you?”

“I know it’s Robert. I…never paid attention to whether he went by Bob. Where’s their mother?”

“Gone for some time,” Bones replied. “She died in the explosion on Trias 4, where she was stationed with Starfleet at the time. Fortunately, the children were here on Earth at the time.”

“I didn’t know he was a single father.”

“You never bothered to ask, though, did you?”

“No,” Jim admitted.

“I’ve got Christmas off,” Bob was saying. “So the three of us can spend the whole day together. I’ll make a turkey with all the fixings. You’ll help, won’t you, Martha?”

“Of course I will, Dad.”

“Who watches them when Bob’s at work?”

“Martha watches the boy, Tim.”

“She’s just a child herself.”

“There’s no one else. Martha home schools herself and Tim.”

Jim thought of all the times he kept Bob late. Later than he should have. Including this very day. He bowed his head for a moment, feeling like a jerk. He hadn’t always been like this.

He looked up. “What’s wrong with Tim?”

“The mother was part Andorian and had the genes for a disease native to Andorians which she, unfortunately, passed on to her son, though she didn’t have it herself,” Bones explained. “It caused him to be lame with that bad leg among other things.”

“Can he be helped? Is there a cure?”

“With a better life for Bob, maybe. With more time and resources. But he’s been wanting to be promoted to Lieutenant for some time but it never happens for him.” Bones glanced at Jim. “I hear he’s even got a mark on his record for poor performance.”

Jim winced, for he had given Bob that mark himself. The mistake the ensign had made hadn’t been that bad, just quite careless, and Jim had…he shook his head.

“Will Tim live without treatment?”

“No,” Bones said, bluntly. “Without proper care for his condition, next Christmas it’ll be just Bob Lewis and his daughter, Martha.”

“Damn.”

“But now it’s time for bed,” Bob announced with false cheer. And Jim watched as Bob and Martha scooped up little Tim and carried him to his bed.

“Why do you care anyway?” Bones asked. “Come on, it’s time to see someone else.”   

This time, Jim found himself before an average middle-class neighborhood before a cozy looking ranch-style house with neat trim that reminded him of a gingerbread house.

“Where is this?”

“Your nephew, Peter’s house.”

Jim frowned. “Peter lives here?”

“Never been, huh?”

“No.”

“Just what have you been doing, Jim?”

“Living my life just like everyone else,” he said defensively.

Bones snorted. “Yeah right.”

They were suddenly in Peter’s house and he was surrounded by people, friends Jim guessed, and his arm was around a pretty brunette Jim assumed was Peter’s wife.

“So, why do you always invite your uncle for Christmas, Peter?” a man asked.

Peter shrugged. “I guess I feel sorry for him.”

“Sorry?” Peter’s wife scoffed. “He’s a miserable man who doesn’t care about anyone else. He’s got wealth he does nothing with. Even the Federation wishes he’d just go away at this point.”

“But that’s the point, the way he is brings the terrible consequences he faces, and I want him to wake up to what life can and should be for him,” Peter explained. “My dad…he had a lot of regrets where his little brother was concerned. He was sorry he left him to fend for himself when he couldn’t take life with Frank anymore. Dad regretted it for the rest of his life and he never really had a chance to make it up to my uncle, so I guess I want to make it up to him in some small way. I’m the only family Uncle Jim has left. We should spend time together.” Peter smiled a little. “I hope someday to convince him.”

Jim bit his lip and shook his head.

“What?” Bones asked.

“Just…I should make a little more effort for Peter. It’s not his fault his dad was a jackass.” Jim looked away. “I should have accepted his invitation for Christmas.”

“Come, one more place to see.”

They were back in the city of San Francisco proper and the area looked quite familiar to Jim.

“I know this place.”

“You should. You lived here a few years back.” Bones paused. “With Spock.”

“Spock,” he whispered. It was the apartment building they lived at when he…Jim wanted to disappear in shame.

Bones touched his shoulder. “Let’s see.”

Jim followed, but with a new sense of sorrow and remorse. He was led to an apartment on the fourth floor, a one bedroom, and there on a couch sat Spock. He didn’t look very much different than when Jim last saw him all those years ago, when Jim had broken his heart so callously. Perhaps at the temples, Spock had a hint of silver, but otherwise he was absolutely perfect in every way.

Jim left Bones and went to kneel on the floor beside Spock.

“Spock, you don’t know how sorry I am.”

“You should tell him, Jim.”

“I had no idea he was in San Francisco.”

“You didn’t ever check, did you?”

“No,” Jim admitted. “Would he even want to hear from me?”

“There’s only one way to find out.”

Jim stared at the Vulcan. “He’s so beautiful.”

“My time is at an end.”

Jim looked up, shocked, at Bones, who was already fading.

“Wait! No! Bones, please. I-I miss you so much. Please!”

But Bones disappeared and so did Spock.

Jim found himself not in the apartment anymore but in a cold dark place that after a while he recognized as a cemetery.

“Well, well, well.”

Jim froze at that sarcastic familiar face. He turned sharply. He was still kneeling, this time his knees knelt in damp, dank dirt.

Admiral Marcus.

“Surprised to see me, Kirk?”

He was filled with dread, all-consuming, actually.

“You could say that,” he whispered. “What do you want?”

“I’m the Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come.”

You?”

 Marcus laughed. “Who else did you expect? Get up, Kirk. Come with me.”

He struggled to his feet, his gaze going to the grave he’d knelt by.

Timothy Lewis the name on the gravestone read.

“The boy?”

“Yes. He couldn’t be saved.” Marcus shrugged. “Most can’t be, Kirk. You should know that many must be sacrificed for the greater good.”

“Like my whole crew so you could start a war with the Klingons?”

“This isn’t about me, Kirk. It’s about you. Come on.”

Jim kept his gaze on the sad grave of his assistant’s son. Things could have been different if he’d known Jim was sure.

Marcus brought him within earshot of two Starfleet officers walking close to HQ.

“I thought he’d never die.”

“He probably thought so too. When did it happen?”

“Last night I guess. They were getting ready to arrest him for treason, you know.”

“Was it suicide then?”

“Don’t think so. I think it was just a coincidence. His heart couldn’t take it. He sure fell down far from the hero he once was.”

“Trying to start a massive Federation war? Yikes. It’s unbelievable.”

They went into HQ.

Jim frowned. “Who were they talking about? You?”

Marcus chuckled. “Future, Kirk. I don’t have one.”

The scene changed again and they were at a place that reminded him of New Vulcan. But they hadn’t boarded any ships.

“Where are we?”

“New Vulcan.”

“How…”

“Just watch.”

Several robed and hooded Vulcans appeared in a solemn row. Jim couldn’t figure out what this had to do with him. He hadn’t been on New Vulcan for years.

Then more came and they appeared to be carrying a body on a slab of wood. It was then that Jim saw they were bringing it to a funeral pyre.

“Who has died?” he asked.

He thought perhaps Sarek, but he didn’t see Spock anywhere, and if he was there to see Spock of the future, he didn’t see why Marcus would take him to Sarek’s service if Spock wasn’t there.

“Why don’t you lift the cloth?” Marcus suggested.

“Won’t they—”

“They are unaware of our presence and our actions.”

Jim looked at Marcus and swallowed heavily. He dreaded lifting the cloth but knew it was something he needed to know.

He stepped over to where they’d stopped with the body on the slab. Hand shaking, he lifted it toward the cloth.

“Before I look, this can be changed, right? If I change, everything I’m seeing now doesn’t have to happen?”

Marcus shrugged.

“Why show me this if there’s no hope?”

Marcus pointed.

Jim exhaled slowly and lifted the cloth. Lying there on the slab, clearly pale and dead was…Spock.

His Spock.

He quickly dropped the cloth and stepped back.

“No!”

“Spock finally accepted death as a way to end his torment at the rejection of his T’hy’la.”

He turned on Marcus. “Accepted death? He killed himself?”

“In a manner of speaking. He chose not to accept the offering of the surrogate for Pon Farr. In prior cycles, he had made use of that offer, but given what he knew of the charges against you—”

Charges against me?”

“You were the one those men spoke of, Kirk. You were about to be arrested for treason and Spock learned of it. The shame of what his T’hy’la had done was too much for him and he—”

“No! No way! It’s a lie,” Jim screamed. “I would never. I would never commit treason. That doesn’t happen. That is not the future.”

“Believe what you will, Kirk.”

They were suddenly back in the cemetery again, this time before another gravestone. This one was abandoned and decrepit. Vandalized.

Marcus pointed for Jim to look at it.

Jim closed his eyes and shook his head. “I can’t.”

“You can and will,” Marcus said sharply.

Jim nodded, sucked it up, and opened his eyes to see.

James T. Kirk, former hero of the Federation, now disgraced traitor

were the words on the stone.

He fell to his knees. “No. No. It’s not true. Spock. Spock, I swear, it’s not true. It’s not true.”

****

Jim woke, crying into his pillow.

“It’s not true.”

He gasped and sat up.

“I’m in my bed.” He felt his own body. “I’m not dead. I’m not a traitor. Thank God.”

Jim scrambled out of bed and ran to the window to look outside. It was a beautiful, clear day. The digital clock on the wall said the date was December 25.

“It’s Christmas,” he said, faintly. “I haven’t missed it.”

But there was so much to do. So much.

He got busy.

****

“Daddy, there’s someone at the door,” Martha told her father.

Bob Lewis was in the kitchen, getting ready to prepare Christmas dinner. “Hmm.”

He put his spoon down and walked around the counter of the kitchen, heading for the door.

“Merry Christmas!”

Bob frowned at the female yeoman standing at his door. “Merry Christmas,” he said.

The yeoman handed him two envelopes, and then a red and gold festively wrapped box with a bow.

“What’s this?” he asked.

The yeoman smiled. “From Admiral Kirk.” She paused. “Congratulations, Lieutenant.”

And then she turned around and walked down the hallway.

Bob closed the door and turned to look into the curious faces of his children. He handed the wrapped box to Martha, and then opened one of the envelopes.

 “You have been promoted to Lieutenant, effective immediately,” Bob read out loud. “Admiral James T. Kirk.”

Martha’s eyes widened. “Daddy, that’s wonderful!”

He went on to read, “Your record has been cleared. You also have tomorrow off. See you the next day. Merry Christmas.”

His eyes stung a bit as he realized they were filling with tears. He opened the other envelope and saw that it was information about a specialist for Tim and that they had an appointment with that specialist after the New Year. And that it would all be taken care of by Starfleet, via Admiral Kirk.

“Can we open the present, Daddy?” Martha asked.

“Yes,” Bob told his children, smiling through his tears. “Yes, we can. And we’re sure to have a very Merry Christmas!”

****

Jim waited a few minutes before the doorbell was answered by Peter.

“Uncle Jim!” Peter exclaimed, clearly shocked.

Jim smiled. “Merry Christmas. Can I come in?”

“I…of course you can.” Peter seized his hands and dragged him into the house. “This is…this is a wonderful surprise.”

“Is it? I’m glad. I came to meet your wife and to accept your invitation to lunch.” He paused. “Except, it might not be until tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“There’s someone I really have to see today. And I, I’m hoping when I come for lunch, it won’t be alone. But we’ll see.”

Peter’s wife came into the front hall then. He recognized her from his trip here with Bones.

“Darling, this is my Uncle Jim.”

****

Jim leaned his forehead on Spock’s apartment door. Now that he was here, he had no idea what he could say to make the way he had treated Spock acceptable or forgivable.    

But he heard Bones’ voice in his head.

You should tell him, Jim.

He knocked.

And it took so long for the door to open, Jim almost thought Spock wasn’t there.

“Admiral?”

Tears pricked his eyes. “Jim, Spock. It’s Jim. Can I-Can I talk to you?”

Spock looking practically perfect in every way stood back to let Jim inside.

Jim looked around and realized that, yes, it looked exactly as it had when he’d been there with Bones.

“How did you find me?” Spock asked quietly.

“That’s a fairly long and rather unbelievable story,” Jim told him. “But I did find you. And that’s what’s important.”

“Would you like to sit?”

“No. For some reason I think maybe standing is better. Spock, there’s no easy way to say this. I’ve missed you these past several years like I’d miss a piece of my heart, a piece of me. Life isn’t worth living without you. I’m a big stupid idiot who can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am for the way I was and how I acted with you and things I said.” He paused. “Like blaming you for Bones’ death.”

“Yes.”

“If anyone was responsible other than the Klingons, it was me, not you.”

“Jim.”

He shook his head. “I’ve been eaten up by guilt and I took it out on you which is the crappiest worst thing I could have done for both of us. I’ve hated myself ever since and I didn’t know what to say to you or how to tell you I love you so much and I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you, to us.”

Spock simply stared at him, not saying anything.

Jim’s heart pounded hard and painfully in his chest.

“I know my behavior was the ultimate betrayal to the T’hy’la bond and I can’t take that back. I can only try to make it up to you every day for the rest of my life, if you’ll allow me that. Please. Allow me that.”

And then Spock moved forward toward him and Jim almost had a flashback to that moment so long ago on the bridge when—

“T’hy’la,” Spock whispered, just before covering his lips, his cheeks, his whole face with kisses. He was held in Spock’s arms, tight and warm, and the last of Jim’s icy heart melted.

He closed his eyes and clung to Spock desperately. And he said a silent thank you to Amanda, Bones, and even…Marcus.

And to Pike. Pike, most of all.

“Thank you,” he said out loud.

“Jim?” Spock pulled back just slightly to look at Jim, who smiled bright and with a full heart.

“I love you, Spock. Thank you for giving me the chance to show you.”      

Blue Christmas

Advent Day 21

Jim was just putting the finishing touches on his present for Mommy when his brother came slamming into the house.

Sam was dressed in a heavy coat and scarf with a knit hat on his head. There was a light dusting of snow on him too.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked.

“Working on my Christmas present for Mommy. It’s a necklace with my hand print.”

His brother stood there silently for a moment or two and then he shook his head. “She’s not coming home for Christmas, Jimmy.”

“Sure, she is,” Jim said, matter-of-factly. He stuck out his tongue in concentration as he put glue on the bale of the necklace.

“No.” Sam paused. “She isn’t.”

Jim looked up at his brother. He had a flicker of a doubt but he quickly dismissed it. “She said she was. She promised.”

“Well she’s breaking that promise. You might as well learn now that adults break their promises all the time.”

“Not Mommy.”

Sam sighed. “She sent a message earlier today. She can’t make it off that rock she’s working on in time to make it. I’m sorry, Jimmy. But she won’t be home from Christmas.”

Jim stared down at the necklace he clutched in his hands. He felt the tremble in his bottom lip even as Sam turned away and stomped upstairs in his snow boots.

A minute later, Jim stood up from the table, scooped up all the stuff he had for the necklace and threw it in the trash.

****

Jim smiled faintly as he looked up at the tall blue Christmas tree with white lights. It was in the so-called city square on Yorktown. Jim was dressed casually, having ditched his uniform a short while ago. It was the “evening” on Yorktown complete with atmospheric coolness piped in for the time of year.

“You seem sad.”

Jim glanced at Spock, who had just appeared beside him. “I was thinking of blue Christmas.”

“The tree?”

“The song actually. But yeah the tree reminded me of it.”

Spock tilted his head. “And why is it a blue Christmas?”

“Not today really. It’s just…when I was a kid, pretty young, I was expecting Mom to come home, only she couldn’t make it, her work wouldn’t let her get away. I was absolutely beside myself over it. Threw away the present I was making for her and cried for hours.” He shook his head. “I didn’t understand adult obligations then. I just knew she had disappointed me again. After that, for the longest time, I wanted nothing to do with holidays. It just meant disappointment to me and so I stopped even thinking about them let alone celebrating them.”

“Understandable,” Spock spoke quietly. “And now?”

Jim turned to face Spock and smiled, holding out his two fingers as Spock had taught him. Spock met them and, as usual, Jim felt the slightest of zings.

“Now, I couldn’t be happier, and I say, welcome Christmas. But when we get back to the room? I need to video conference Peter. It’s not nearly enough. But I’m close enough to his location to reach him. Mom wasn’t and it was something I really resented for a long time. I should have cut her some slack.”

“You were just a disappointed child,” Spock pointed out, falling into step next to him.

“I know. But I don’t want Peter experiencing any Blue Christmases.” Jim reached for and received Spock’s hand, as they walked back to their room surrounded by twinkling lights.   

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Advent Day 6

This one was requested.

“Spock, are you blushing?”

Spock looked up from the holiday card he had just received to look at Nyota who had just approached him to hand him a creamy glass of eggnog. A vegan version, she had assured him when she offered to fetch it for him.

Rather than admit that he likely was, Spock instead replied, “I was looking at this morning’s Secret Santa gift.”

Nyota nodded. “What you get this time?”

This was the last day of the silly present game Nyota had signed Spock up for. He hadn’t known who got his name, that was the point.

The first day he had gotten a box of rare teas. He had been surprised, pleasantly, by the gift. The next day a beautiful teapot with a rare glaze made only on Vulcan. Vulcan Prime that had been destroyed.

He had begun to suspect the identity of his Secret Santa, but this surely clinched it.

Spock pursed his lips. “I cannot say at this time, but I will tell you after I present myself to obtain my final gift. If you will excuse me, Nyota.”

Spock left her holding both eggnogs and he made his way to the gift giver’s quarters.

“Come.”

The door slid open and Spock stepped inside.

His captain stood in the middle of his quarters, fingers hitched in the hem of his black undershirt, his gold command shirt already having been removed. He was also barefoot.

“Oh, hey, Spock. What’s up?”

Spock waved the paper he had received in his box. “I have come for my gift.”

“Huh?”

“You are my Secret Santa, are you not?”

Spock had expected it when he’d received the tea and was nearly certain when the teapot came. But now, he was positive.

Jim frowned and turned just the slightest shade of pink. “You guessed?”

The two of them had been dancing around each other for weeks. Jim had been extra flirtatious and Spock had given back in kind. Though there had yet to be anything physical between them, Spock had guessed it would be only a matter time before one of them made that move.

Given his “gift” that move had been made as far as Spock was concerned.

“I did. And I am anxious to claim my present.”

Jim blinked at him. “Uh, what?”

Spock read from the note.

“A lap dance from Captain Kirk.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “Shit.”

For the first time, Spock felt uncertain. “Captain?”

Jim laughed then which made Spock feel a little better. “That…that was a joke. A gag.”

“I do not understand.”

“I couldn’t figure out what to give you for your final present and I told Bones. He said I should promise a lap dance, and we both laughed, and I wrote out that note, but that wasn’t supposed to go into the box. I wrote an IOU. I figured next time we went to a space station I would have you pick something out and I’d get it for you.” Jim shook his head. “I have a feeling Bones played a gag on both of us.”

Spock nodded. “I see. Very well. I am waiting.”

What?”

Spock arched a brow. “You might have thought that your offer was in jest, but in fact this is exactly the present I want.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Spock pulled out a chair and sat. “Perhaps a Santa hat would add to the experience.”

His soon-to-be lover doubled over in laughter. “I don’t think I have one of those.”

“One can be replicated.”

Jim came over to him, leaned down and kissed him. It was their first kiss and it gave Spock a thrill.

“For the record, I was your Secret Santa,” Spock murmured.

“I know.” Jim’s eyes were shining.

“Santa hat, Jim.”

“Okay, okay.”

Jim walked over to the replicator and a few minutes later he came back to where Spock sat, waiting. He yanked off his black shirt and then undid his pants and lowered them to the ground. Spock noticed the red satin boxer shorts, immediately. “Nice gift,” Jim said with a wink. He set the Santa hat on his head and then straddled Spock.

“All right, baby, here comes your present.”    

Let Nothing You Dismay Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five: Christmas

It had been a long time since Jim had an old fashioned Christmas like this. He had vague memories of his very early childhood with Sam and his mom. But those had long since faded. They were only brief snapshots in the mind now.

Last Christmas, his mother had already been quite ill and it was hard to be festive and celebrate anything. He’d tried for Lily, but fortunately she had been young enough she cared mostly about the paper than the meager presents he’d given her.

He had vowed then that this Christmas would be different for both of them, but then he’d lost his job, and it had looked bleak again.

Not anymore.

If there was such thing as a Christmas miracle, Jim had experienced it.

They all got up early, of course.

Lily could hardly contain herself to wait and really, Jim was like a big kid himself. Only Spock came down much more sedately.

While Lily ran around the house noticing that Santa had eaten her cookies and drank her milk, Jim took the coffee Spock had made him gratefully.

A few years back his mother had given him one of those Christmas sweaters. It had a reindeer on the front that looked more like a moose really, with a string of lights hanging off his antlers. They lit up with some battery hidden in the material. He hadn’t worn it last year because as before it hadn’t been a very festive year last year, but he’d put it on this time, and was delighted by the eyebrow raise it had elicited from Spock.

“Daddy! Daddy! Santa was here!”

Jim grinned. “I know. Let’s go see what you got.”

They ran to the living room, well Lily did, Jim and Spock followed at a far slower pace, and Lily saw the pink and purple bike waiting there. She squealed with delight.

As Jim watched her fuss over the gift, his gaze strayed to his stocking hung by the chimney. Not so much with care as it was quite crooked.

But the thing that Jim noticed was that some sort of paper now stuck out of his stocking. One that had not been there when he and Spock went to bed.

With a frown, Jim went over to his stocking even as Lily started tearing through the wrapping paper of her other presents.

He pulled out the paper, unfolded it, and stared.

It was the deed to the farmhouse and it had been stamped PAID. It was all in his name.

Spock walked over to him. “Is something wrong?”

Jim waved the paper. “Do you know anything about this?”

“What is it?”

“The deed to the house. It says it’s all paid off but…Spock, did you do this?”

Spock shook his head. “I did not.”

“Are you sure? Because it wasn’t there last night and…”

“Jim, I am sure. Vulcans do not lie. I had nothing to do with that paper or paying off your house.”

“Well. What the hell?” Jim glanced at Lily. “Angel, can you come here a second?”

Lily reluctantly left the coloring book she had been leafing through to come to where he and Spock stood by the stockings.

Jim bent down and scooped her up so that she was relatively eye level with the two of them.

“Do you know who put these papers in Daddy’s stocking.”

“Santa!”

“Uh. Yeah. Not Santa. Really, who put them there?”

Lily scrunched up her face. “Santa, Daddy.”

Jim shook his head. “Did someone tell you to put them in Daddy’s stocking?”

“Nope.”

“Okay.” He exhaled. “Did you see who did then?”

“No, Daddy. But it was Santa.”

“Santa…”

“Jim,” Spock said softly. “It seems clear that Lily does not know where they came from either other than Santa Claus. As you know, you put her to bed yourself.”

Spock was right. But still.

There was no Santa. Well, other than Jim himself. So…

“Angel, was this the wish you wanted for Daddy? The one on your list?”

Lily smiled. “No, Daddy.”

“Did Daddy get the present you wanted for him from Santa?” Jim asked then.

Lily pointed to Spock, smiled and nodded.

Jim laughed. “You asked for Spock?”

“I asked Santa for a present to make Daddy happy. And he gave you Spock.”

Jim grinned as he looked toward Spock. “Yeah I guess he did. Santa’s awesome.”

Lily giggled.

“Okay, sweetie. Spock and I happen to know about a present from Santa that’s going to make you very happy. So why don’t we get it for you?”

Jim put his wiggly excited daughter down, but then turned quickly to Spock. “I meant that, by the way.”

“Which?”

“If you’re my gift from Santa I must have been very very good.” He leaned in and thoroughly kissed Spock. Then he held up the papers again. “I don’t know who’s behind this and maybe the idea someone was in the house without us knowing should freak me out, but…I thought I was going to have to sell this place when we went to San Francisco. And now? Having this place for my daughter someday?”

“Very good news.”

“Yeah. And it sure looks legit.”

“Then it probably is, Jim. Whoever is behind it, wanted it to be in the spirit of Santa, so perhaps, we should just view it that way and be thankful.”

Jim nodded. “You’re right. Let’s get that present.”

He led Lily over to the wrapped cat accessories while Spock went up to Jim’s bedroom to fetch the cat carrier which held the little orange ball of fluff.

Jim sat on the floor next to Lily as she tore open the paper on a litter box and scoop. He withheld a laugh when he could see how confused she was. Then she opened a pet bed. And then finally, a bag of kitten food.

Then Spock arrived and placed the carrier in front of her. He opened the cat carrier and the kitten tumbled out.

Lily clapped with glee. “A kitty!”

Okay, those totally weren’t tears in his eyes, Jim swore.

Spock knelt down next to him and Jim knew that Spock’s dark eyes didn’t look extra moist either. No way.

They shared a look. Of love. Of happiness. Of the future.

Together.

And somewhere sleigh bells jingled, but Jim was sure he must have imagined them.

Merry Christmas.  

There’s No Place Like Home for the Holidays

Jim walked outside and looked around. But he didn’t see Spock. Not anywhere he could see in the immediate area. For a moment, Jim glanced back at the house thinking maybe he had been wrong about Spock coming outside.

But then he saw a flash of color in the darkness. The Christmas red and green sweater Spock had reluctantly put on because Jim had asked him to.

With a smile and warmth blossoming in his chest, Jim headed toward the barn where he could see Spock leaning against the dark red structure.

“Hey, babe, you okay?”

“Affirmative.”

Jim walked up to Spock and was pleased when his Vulcan straightened enough to pull him into his arms.

“Sorry you came with me to see my family for the holidays?” Jim was only half teasing. The Kirks could be challenging for most people, Jim guessed, but especially staid Vulcans like Spock.

“I am not.”

Jim pulled back to look at Spock. “You sure? I understand if we’re too much. And honestly, I didn’t know Sam and Aurelan and Peter and Uncle George and Aunt Loulabelle and…

“Jim. I am not sorry.”

“It’s a full house. And with Bones here too…did you come out here because you got a little…overwhelmed?”

For a moment, Spock didn’t answer, but finally he slowly nodded. “They are rather boisterous.”

“They are.” Jim kissed him. “Are they too much?”

Spock blew out a breath. “To be with you, nothing is too much.”

“God, I love you.”

“My affection for you transcends everything.”

Jim laughed. “Some how that sounds way better than my simple I love you.”

Spock shook his head. “Not to me.”

Jim hugged him close. “Aren’t you cold out here, babe?”

“I was before you came out. But if that is your way of asking me if I am ready to come inside, I am.”

Jim held on to Spock as they turned toward the house. “There’s no place like home for the holidays.” He chuckled. “Want some hot chocolate?”

“I could get…frisky.”

“I’m counting on it, Spock. I’m counting on it.”

And Some Final Pictures

Christmas Platter
One of my Wines of Christmas
Snow! Well…what passed for it at Knott’s Merry Farm
Our Work Stairs That Aren’t Quite Finished
Work Decor
Work Decor

Cookie Making

On December 8th we attempted to make cookies, here a are some pictures

Decorations Sister’s

Her Table
Fire Place Mantle and Chair
Front Entryway
Gingerbread Lights (She likes Gingerbreads)
Her Tree

Decorations (Mine-Home)

I got a request from J who missed my usual decoration pictures I have posted in the past. So…here are some pictures, post 1. I will do other posts.

It was the day after Thanksgiving and all through the house…elves. My sister bought me a little Elf tree this year, so I decided to do all elf decorations. Yes, I am a dork. Anyway this is much much much smaller tan the usual tree, but it was cute!

Ignore any mess you see!

Elf Tree
Elf Tree With Elves
Elves (two on the right are boyfriends so their arms are linked! ha ha)
More Elves
Elf Stuff plus Home sign and lights (Home sign is cool you change the “O” depending on the season, so after Christmas, it’s a snowflake, February a heart, etc)
Close Up
Deer Lights and Cardinal Lights
The elves get a friend!

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