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Chapter 4

Bombay, Chapter 4

5 Years Earlier, Starship Endeavor

“Report.”

Jim Kirk looked up from his PADD into the questioning face of his commanding officer, Robert April. 

“It’s currently too dangerous to use the transporter, Captain.”

“Damn. Rigel 9 really needs those medical supplies.”

Doctor Helen Moore bit her lip and shook her head. “Agreed. They’re really dealing with something down there. What about the shuttlecraft?”

“With that Ion storm that’s going to be risky too,” Jim stated.

“Less risky than trying to do the transporter though,” Dr. Moore said. She turned to April. “I’m a pretty good pilot, Bob. I only need a few medical personnel with me. Just two. I’m willing to risk it.”

“Helen—” Jim began to protest.

“Jim, I know what you’re going to say. But the citizens of Rigel 9 are dying and without this needed medicine, they don’t stand a chance.”

“We wail for the storm to pass,” Jim maintained.

“And that could be days. They might be dead by then! Bob, I can do this.”

Captain April pursed his lips. “Okay, Helen.”

“Captain—”

April held up his hand to cut Jim off. “Your protests are duly noted, Jim. But Helen’s right. Rigel 9 needs these supplies. But I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to go along with the party, Jim.”

“What?” Helen exclaimed. “No!. Captain, I don’t need to endanger unnecessary personnel. Commander Kirk—”

“Will accompany you. I’m not going to have a team of only trained medical crew members go into a potentially hostile situation. Commander Kirk’s an exemplary negotiator and well-trained in combat.”

“But—”

“You both have your orders. Doctor, Commander. Get your team together and the supplies and head out.”

Jim watched Captain April depart, then he turned to Helen. “It’s okay.”

“It is not. I never intended to make you part of this, Jim.”

He drew her into his arms and held her against him, kissing her forehead. “I would have wanted to go.”

She sighed. “They really do need that medicine.”

“I know. So let’s get organized and do this. We’ll be back home before you know it.”

Jim woke feeling pain everywhere. All around him the shuttlecraft filled with smoke from the fire that had apparently started the minute the shuttle had crashed. He unconnected his seat belt and scrambled from his chair.

He checked Helen, who had been in the pilot’s seat next to him. Half of her face had been battered in from the crash. There was no pulse.

“Sorry, Helen,” he whispered.

A quick check of the others revealed he was the only survivor. He knew he had to contact the ship but his first task was to remove himself from the shuttlecraft before he succumbed to smoke inhalation.

His left leg was bleeding pretty badly and his head was killing him, but he made it to the door, which was twisted and bent. There was a hole at the top not big enough to fit through. Jim, coughing and wheezing, tried the controls and then manually to open the door.

Nothing.

“Damn, damn, damn.”

He glanced up at the hole, feeling weaker by the minute. He had no choice. He’d have to use his last strength to do it.

A moment later, he shifted into cat form, leapt on to the bar of the twisted door, and then out the hole, onto the planet.

Let Nothing You Dismay Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Decking the Halls

By the time they made it inside to the farmhouse, Lily was barely conscious. She yawned the whole way in the hover car and he’d had to carry her into the house. He set her on the couch while he went back out to the car to get the things he’d bought.

He’d noticed Barb had included one of those big fat candy canes for Lily too.  

Back inside, Jim smiled at his angel, who now looked completely zonked out. He shook his head at the tree box he’d just bought.

Bent down and picked up his girl.

“Daddy,” she mumbled.

“What do you say we go to bed for now and decorate the tree and everything else tomorrow?”

Jim carried her upstairs.

“’K.”

He placed her on the bed and then went to her dresser to get her nightgown, this one purple with yellow flowers, and dressed her in it, before tucking her under the covers. She barely woke up.

“Been a long day for both of us,” Jim agreed before kissing her forehead. He turned out the light as he left her bedroom.

Before going to bed himself, Jim went back down the stairs and set up the tree in the living room so it would be ready to decorate when Lily got up. He also hid the bag with the crystal angel, doll, and candy cane in it. Those would be for Santa to give her.

He set up his coffee maker to go off in the morning and got together all the ingredients they’d need to make cookies tomorrow as well. Might as well give his daughter all the Christmas he could while he was still able.

Then he finally went to bed himself.

****

“So,” Jim said to Lily as he set her up at the dining room table with her breakfast of an egg and potatoes. “No work today so we can spend all day getting the house ready for Christmas.”

Lily clapped. “Yay!”

He smiled. Sat down next to her with his coffee and his own plate of eggs and potatoes.

“Daddy has a new job too. I start tomorrow. Pretty early again. But I’ll probably be able to pick you up from Maggie’s earlier now.”

“Okay, Daddy. After breakfast I want to write my list to Santa.”

“Sure thing. Um. But you know…” Jim paused and sipped his coffee. “Times are pretty hard right now. Even for Santa. So it might be that you won’t get everything on your list.”

She raised her big blue eyes to him. “I know that, Daddy. But I still have to ask.”

“Very true and very wise. Okay finish up and I’ll get you something to make your list with.”

Fortunately, her list ended up being pretty simple. Mostly toys and children’s books. But at the bottom of her list, the last thing she wrote was Daddy.    

Jim frowned as he walked into the living room where she was putting ornaments on their tree.

“Hey, angel, what’s this last one? You don’t want another Daddy, do you?” He grinned. “Don’t you already have the best one?”

Lily giggled. “Not another Daddy. That’s just a little note for Santa.”

“What do you mean?”

She sighed. “It’s a secret, Daddy. But Santa should know what it means. And if I get it for Christmas, I’ll tell you.”

Jim didn’t have the heart to say if she didn’t tell him what she wanted there was no chance of Santa getting it for her. He just smiled.

“Okay. I’ll mail off your list to Santa. When we’re done with the tree, we can make sugar cookies.”

“And decorate ‘em?”

“And decorate them. Yes.”

Jim was the world’s worst cookie decorator and that was the God’s honest truth. He wouldn’t know how to flood frosting properly to save his life, literally. And whenever he tried to pipe eyes or mouths they ended up looking like squiggly worms. Nothing said the holidays like a red squiggly worm mouth, Jim thought with a snort.

But Lily was happy and that was what mattered. Hers actually looked better than his, sparkly sugar dust everywhere and all.

It was a fun afternoon.

Even though there was a big mess to clean. And that night for dinner, they made homemade pizza. Another mess to clean. But Lily had a good day. So did Jim.

WDPLUF, Chapter 4

Jim woke to the sound of a crash and then yelling. For a moment he lay there, his heart pounding so hard his chest hurt. Had they come for him?

But no.

This wasn’t Tarsus. It was Eldred. And it wasn’t Kodos’ men coming for victims. It was his mother and her husband fighting. Again.

He reached for his earphones and stuck them in his ears but he could hear them shouting right through the supposedly noise canceling buds. Jim pulled them out of his ears, sat up and went to where had left his discarded jeans before going to bed. He pulled them on and then went to the window.

The night was warm so he’d left it open earlier. Now he crawled through it, jumping down and landing in the dirt. He hadn’t bothered with shoes. If he could get away without shoes and socks every day, he would. No doubt why he had a million calluses on his feet already.

The further he got away from the house, the less he could hear them shouting. Frank was probably drunk. He hadn’t ever been physically abusive to her that Jim knew but the emotional and mental abuse took its toll on both his mother and Jim. Back when Jim used to pray, he prayed his mother would kick Frank to the curb once and for all. But instead she gave him another chance. Every single time.

Before he even knew where he was going, Jim realized he had made his way to Spock’s house. It was dark, of course. It was the middle of the night. Spock and his mom would be asleep.

Even still Jim made his way over to the window for Spock’s room. There were small lights flickering within so Jim tapped lightly on the window.

A moment later, Spock appeared and lifted it up. “Jim?”

“Hey,” Jim whispered. “There were lights. I’m kind of surprised you were up.”

“I am meditating.” Spock hesitated. “Would you like to come inside?”

Jim shook his head. “I don’t want to bother your mom.”

“She is sleeping. Come inside.”

Spock moved away from the window and Jim climbed through and into the room.

Jim’s gaze flicked around at all the lit candles. “I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”

“It is no matter. You appeared upset.”

“My mother and stepfather were fighting,” Jim admitted. “They woke me.”

“I am sorry. It must be difficult.” Spock gestured to a chair in his room. “Sit. Would you like me to bring you tea? Water?”

Jim sat in the chair and pulled his knees up. “No, I…just wanted to see you again. Sorry for leaving so abruptly earlier today.”

“I took no offense. Would you like to see Butterscotch?”

He smiled a little. “If I could…I mean is she sleeping?”

“I believe so but I can wake her.”

“No. Don’t. I can come back another day.” Jim bit his lip. “Gives me an excuse to come back.”

“You need no excuse, Jim. I enjoy your company.”

“Yeah?” Jim felt himself blush. “I don’t really make friends easily.”

“Nor do I.”

Jim glanced at Spock in surprise. “Really?”

“Quite true.”

“But why? You’re so cute.” Fuck. “I mean smart. So smart.”

“Jim.”

“Yeah?”

“I find you…cute also.”

Jim sucked in a breath. “Spock. I, uh, wow.”

Spock’s lip curved upward just slightly. “I, too, am gratified. Jim, why do you not spend the night? That chair pulls out to a lounger. You can return home in the morning with no one the wiser.”

“You don’t mind?”

“I do not.”

“How old are you, Spock? If I may ask.”

“I will be one and twenty very soon. And you, Jim?”

“I turned eighteen a month ago.” He sighed. “Didn’t finish school though. Because of…circumstances.”

Spock nodded. “That is unfortunate. But perhaps I could assist you in catching up on your education.”

Jim grinned. “In between lyre lessons?”

Spock’s lips twitched. “Indeed. Go to sleep, Jim. We will talk more tomorrow.”

****

Spock was awakened later by Jim whimpering and crying out in his sleep. At first Spock was not sure what to do but eventually he rose from his bed to where Jim thrashed about as he was unable to allow the younger man to be in so much distress.

“Jim.”

Spock knelt next to the chair, his hand outstretching toward Jim’s face.

“Jim.”

He shook Jim slightly. To enter Jim’s mind, even for good, without his permission would not be right. He needed to find another method of waking Jim. He dropped his hand to his side and shook Jim again, more persistently this time.

Jim gasped and came awake instantly, eyes wide and frightened. “Where—”

“You are here with me, Jim. You are safe.”

Jim grabbed Spock’s arms. “Spock?”

“Yes, Jim.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. Guess you should have made me go home.”

Spock shook his head. “It is fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Jim insisted. “I have nightmares. A lot. And you certainly didn’t bargain for those.”

“I did not,” Spock admitted. “But I suspect you find it no bargain either.”

Jim smiled. “No. No, I don’t.”

Spock glanced toward his bed and then back to Jim. “May I make the suggestion that you sleep in the bed with me? Perhaps being close to someone will ease your nightmares.”

Jim bit his lip. “I don’t want to be any trouble.”

“If I found the idea troublesome, I would not have suggested it.”

The smile returned. “Yeah? Okay. I-I’d like that.”

Spock rose from next to the chair to allow Jim to get up and walk over to Spock’s bed.

For a moment, Jim simply stared at the bed. Then he got in without looking at Spock and then Spock got in without looking at Jim. He pulled the sheet and blanket up over them.

“Goodnight, Jim.”

“Goodnight.”

When Spock woke in the morning, Jim had already gone, but there lingered there in his bedroom a hint of Jim and Spock liked it.

The Sight, Chapter 4

Jim was wrung out. They’d decided to have a memorial get-together of his senior bridge crew for Chekov once everyone had arrived back on Yorktown.

They’d gone to dinner, a place on Yorktown Chekov had loved, and more than one of them had ended with tears in their eyes.

Jim had been forced to give a speech, which had had not wanted to do, but Bones asked him if not Jim, then who? So he’d talked about Pavel and how much they’d all loved him.

And now he was just a little bit drunk and a lot sad.

Bones was over in the corner of a bar they’d gone to talking to Scotty and Keenser. They were sharing a bottle of scotch between them. Spock and Uhura were standing by the entrance or exit he supposed as he suspected they were going to leave any second. Uhura was crying and she had her arms around Spock’s neck and his arms were around her waist.

At the table with him were Sulu and his husband Ben. They’d gotten a babysitter for Demora, figuring the little girl didn’t need to experience something this depressing.

“What’s next for you, Jim?” Ben asked him.

“After this place?”

“Yeah.”

“Back to my hotel room I suppose to crash for the night.”

“No company?” Sulu wondered.

Jim shook his head. A random hook up wasn’t really something he was interested in. It wouldn’t numb the heartache. Not by a longshot. “Nah.”

“How’s your boy?”

Jim smiled at the mention of David. “Good. I miss him already. Saw him just before I got here though. He’s adorable.”

“Too bad you don’t have him with you on Yorktown. We’re taking Demora to the zoo tomorrow. It would be fun to have them both.”

“It would,” Jim agreed. “Next time maybe. And now I really am tired, so if you guys will excuse me, I’m going to head back.”

The Sulus bid him goodnight and Jim left the bar, not failing to notice that Uhura and Spock had indeed left. As he stood on the street outside the bar he almost gave into the sadness, the loneliness that threatened.

He’d vowed though he no longer would let his unrequited love make him miserable. He shook it off and headed for his hotel.

When it was in sight, he was surprised to see Spock standing by himself overlooking the big water fountain right outside the hotel. The Vulcan looked pensive and for a moment, Jim decided he wouldn’t bother him, but then his legs carried him over there, almost against his will. Constantly drawn to Spock it would seem.

“Hey, Spock.”

“Good evening, Captain.”

“Surprised to see you out here. Thought you and Uhura went back to the hotel.”

Spock’s gaze stayed on Jim’s face for mere seconds before moving away. “Nyota has returned to her room.”

Jim almost asked ‘her room?’ as he had assumed they were sharing, but really it was hardly his business. But he did say, “You didn’t want to join her?”

“Nyota and I are…experiencing difficulties in our romantic relationship.”

Jim looked at him sharply. “You are? Since when?”

Spock shrugged slightly. “Before the events of Altamid, actually.”

“I thought you reconciled.”

“We did,” Spock said softly. “But the reconciliation has not gone well.”

He turned to fully face Jim then and Jim saw a faint green handprint on Spock’s cheek. Jim frowned at a flash of the memory of Uhura slapping Spock.

“Did she slap you?”

“She is not pleased with me,” Spock admitted.

“I’m sorry, Spock. I’m not sure what to say.”

“Nyota wishes for elements in our relationship I am unable to share with her,” Spock replied, turning away once more.

“You wanted to bond and she didn’t?” Jim asked before he could stop himself. He winced. “Uh, sorry. I know it’s not—”

“It was Nyota who expressed an interest in bonding with me.” Spock’s cheeks were bright green now. “When I expressed reservations, she…she ended things between us.”

“She did? Oh, Spock. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head.

“After all this time together, I can’t believe she would end it.”

Spock exhaled slowly. “Most romantic partners hope for an advancement in their relationship. I do not fault her.”

Jim wanted to ask him why he would not bond with her. He recalled just the other day Spock saying that they weren’t at that level in their relationship and Jim had wondered when they would be. Apparently Uhura had too.

“What prompted her bringing up now?”

“She has been bringing it up for a while,” Spock replied. “But the recent death of Ensign Chekov prompted her to renew her appeals for us to either bond or wed in the Terran way. She did not appreciate my continued reluctance.”

Jim had to admit he didn’t especially get it either. “What are you holding out for, Spock? A Vulcan bonding? I mean with a Vulcan female? You were thinking of leaving to settle on New Vulcan and make babies, right?”

“I was, yes,” Spock whispered. “But no, that is not what is holding me back, as you say.”

But Spock fell silent then, clearly not intending to go on an reveal to Jim what was preventing him from committing to Uhura. As far as Jim knew they’d been together for years. Since their academy days. Surely you didn’t spend that amount of time with someone unless you loved them. Fuck, Jim wouldn’t.

It occurred to him that the first part of the vision he’d had in the field back at his mom’s place had come true. He’d seen her slapping Spock. Maybe the other part where Spock was distraught over someone in the medbay would too.

Would it be Uhura? Jim hoped not. He didn’t like the idea of a member of his bridge crew so injured. But who else would Spock be so distraught over? It had to be Uhura.

“Maybe it will still work out, Spock. I bet it will. You two obviously love each other.” Jim placed his hand on Spock’s shoulder. He smiled, or did an imitation of one anyway.  “I’m so damn tired right now it’s a wonder I’m still standing. So I’m going in. Goodnight Spock.”

For longer than seemed usual, Spock simply stared at Jim, like he was looking right through him or something.

It occurred to Jim, fleetingly, that if they’d truly broken up it was possible Uhura would ask for a transfer. But then the other part of his vision wouldn’t come true. He’d never had a vision that was only partly right.

“Goodnight, Captain,” Spock finally said, rather faintly. His green color had risen up all the way to the tips of his ears and Jim almost asked if he was all right, but of course he wasn’t. Probably had a broken Vulcan heart.

He squeezed Spock’s shoulder and turned and went into the hotel.

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