Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

Jim hadn’t been to Orion in decades. Once in his first year at the Academy he and Bones had accompanied Gary Mitchell there and they’d had, well, an interesting time. But that was back in his somewhat carefree party days, which he’d long left behind.

He sat next to his mother as they made the shuttle trip there. He didn’t have any idea what to expect. His mother hadn’t expected involvement with the Orion father’s family, but Jim knew families were complicated and you never knew when one would come out of the woodwork and declare possession.

He hoped for his mother’s sake it would be as simple as she hoped to collect his cousin’s kids.

Not that he was looking forward to kids running around the farmhouse. Once he had established that his mother had control of things, he’d be headed back to his new life in San Francisco.

“Wasn’t she married to Spock?” his mother asked out of the blue.

Jim couldn’t pretend not to know who she meant, though the question was unwelcome.

“Yeah. They’re divorced now she says.”

“Mm. Do you…well do you have any regrets?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know. I just know that love isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.”

She smiled faintly. “No?”

He shrugged. “I loved Spock. More than anyone I’ve ever known. Still do. And we tried. Or I think we did. I’m the one who ended it. But I think he would have eventually realized we weren’t going to work, too.”

“And yet he didn’t make it work with Nyota Uhura either.”

Jim sighed. “I probably pushed that. Them getting back together. I wanted…if I couldn’t make Spock happy then she should.”

“But she didn’t,” his mother said gently.

“No.”

“I sometimes wonder if that mission would have been better for you if you had still been with Spock.”

“Maybe. Or worse. In the end that’s what caused the break. My inability to let him completely in. I can’t. So, do I have regrets? I guess so. Maybe that I even tried. It made me want things I just can’t have.”

“Jim…”

He shook his head, reached over and squeezed her hand. “It’s okay, Mom. I’ve made peace with it. And I honestly wish they’d been able to stay together. But couples break up, I know that.”

“You and Carol.”

“Exactly. And now somewhere out there is a son I’m never going to know.” He sighed again. “So yeah. Maybe I should have avoided romance altogether.”

“You’re definitely cynical.” She squeezed his hand back. “Maybe you should check on Spock.”

“I could, sure. Maybe.” The pilot announced their impending arrival. “All right. It’s time to roll.”’

“I’m sorry, Mom. I know how hard that was for you.”

They were back on the road, headed to Cedar Rapids to the commercial shuttle bay for the shuttle that would take them to San Francisco and then one that would eventually take them to Orion.

It had been a gloomy visit. Warren hadn’t remembered his sister Winona, Jim or even his own daughter. But his mom had tried and her gentle patience with her brother had touched Jim.

“It was yeah,” she admitted. She glanced at him. “What about you?”

Jim sighed. “I can’t pretend I didn’t think about Chekov. But his situation was a little different than Uncle Warren’s. He ended up in a facility because he was catatonic. After that mission…” Jim shook himself. “He was too young for that to happen.”

“I don’t think there was anything you could have done, honey.”

“Logically I know that. I feel guilty sometimes. Not because of what happened, because, well, of course. But because when they notified me, he’d passed, I was relieved.”

She reached over and patted his leg. “It had to be difficult seeing someone you cared about and who you felt responsible like that, a shell of what he once was. No one would blame you for feeling relieved. He wouldn’t suffer anymore.”

“That’s what I tell myself. Everyone tells me there was no chance he’d ever come out of it, and I trust what they said, but sometimes I just don’t know how to feel. I don’t want to dwell on it but it’s hard not to.”

“Well, not many people dwell on tragedy as much as I have so I get where you’re coming from. Try to remind yourself, as I try, that he wouldn’t want you to suffer so much over it. You know? The best we can do is to honor who they were and how they lived. And not waste our own lives. Took me a long time to learn that.”

Jim nodded and looked out at the road. “Were you close when you were young to your brother?”

“Not as close as I wish we’d been, honestly. He was older by a few years. Thought I was a brat.” She laughed. “He was right. Here we are. Let’s hope it doesn’t take too long to get to San Francisco.

The shuttle from Cedar Rapids to San Francisco was uneventful. But shortly after they arrived, his mother stopped next to a bar.

“Why don’t you go in and order us something to drink? I need to get our tickets and a few other supplies we’ll need, so go on in there and wait for me.”

Jim frowned. “How long will we be there? I didn’t pack anything.”

She smirked. “I know. Leave that to me. That’s part of what I need to get. I won’t be long. And I’m not sure. I’m hoping at the most we’ll be there overnight and on our way. I don’t anticipate any problems.”

“I always anticipate problems.” Jim retorted.

“Yes, I know. Go in. Get a refreshment and relax. I’ll join you soon.”

With a grimace, Jim went through the swinging doors, they were made to look like old-fashioned saloon doors and headed for the bar counter and ordered their drinks.

He was just carrying them over to a booth when he heard his name called.

“Jim? Jim, it is you.”

He set them on the table and turned to greet Nyota Uhura, who flung her arms around him to embrace him.