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Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

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Implied Dark Past

Where My Demons Hide, Chapter 5

It was hot here. Insufferably so, really. And Jim had another moment where he wondered if agreeing to a month long visit to New Vulcan had been wise. Because, certainly, it was not the first one.

He’d been there two weeks already and had two more to go until he could escape to somewhere cooler. He tugged at the collar of his shirt. He had never sweated so much.

From his research, Vulcan had actually been hotter than New Vulcan. Jim had never made it there before it got destroyed so he only had accounts from those like Sarek and Spock to tell him.

And that was unbearably sad anyway, wasn’t it? A whole planet gone. And six billion Vulcans with it. It was still something he would never get used to. Through Ambassador Spock he had felt the crushing grief of its loss. Sometimes it haunted him even still. Jim could only be grateful Spock had been on the Enterprise and had survived. He hated to think if that had not been the case. But he had Spock. So he didn’t have to add that to all that fucked him up inside.

He stepped to the edge of a rock formation and looked down into what looked like a crater likely caused by some ancient meteor crash or something. He wiped his arm across his forehead.

It was a big drop, no doubt about it. If he fell down there he wouldn’t get up again. He took another step forward. Heard the pebbles falling down the hill from where he stepped.

“Jim, you are too close to the edge of the cliff,” Spock spoke up from about three hundred feet away.

“Nah, I’m fine.”

A weird bird gave a cry from up above and Jim tilted his head back to gaze up at it. At least he guessed it was a bird. Birdlike anyway. It was no eagle or hawk but it certainly had a giant wingspan. Sort of looked like old drawings of dinosaur birds from really ancient Earth.

“You are too close,” Spock said again. “Please step back.”

Jim looked away from the bird and back down below the cliff. It was filled with red and brown rocks and boulders, like the rest of the planet. It had been chosen due to its similarities with Vulcan. Spock had explained all that. There were even a few native plants down below. Flowers. None of them were roses. Black roses.

Another step forward and suddenly the ground beneath him seemed to give way.

A hand encircled his upper arm and yanked him away from the edge with extreme force. He fell to the ground and looked up at Spock, who was glaring at him. And really glaring. Not just Vulcan glaring.

“I told you that you were too close to the edge.”

Jim laughed and shook his head, scrambling to his feet. “I was fine.”

“You were about to fall,” Spock pointed out in a clipped voice.

“I was not,” Jim insisted. He brushed at the dirt on his legs and shorts. “And anyway, if I fell, then whatever.”

Spock sucked in a breath and then stared wide-eyed at him.

Jim shrugged. “I wouldn’t have anyway. Don’t take everything so serious.”

“My mother fell from a cliff to her death when we tried to transport her aboard the Enterprise,” Spock said softly. “You will forgive me if I take the matter quite seriously.”

“Oh.” Shit. Jim, you’re such a moron sometimes. “I didn’t think about that. I’m sorry, Spock. I really am.” He grabbed Spock by his biceps and ran his hands up and down Spock’s arms. “You forgive me?”

“Of course. Just be careful around cliffs.”

“I will.” Jim said. “I promise.” He moved his hand up to cup Spock’s jaw. Kissed the corner of Spock’s mouth. He laughed when Spock pulled away. “There’s no one around here, Spock. No Vulcans to scandalize with my improper behavior.”

“You need another shot.”

“Talk about a non sequitur.”

“Your color is high and you are sweating profusely,” Spock pointed out. “Dr. McCoy will not be pleased if I allow you to collapse.”

Jim snorted and turned away to dig into his backpack. “You don’t allow me to do anything. No one is in charge of me but me.” He removed one of the hypos. “And I’m pretty sure that this isn’t going to make me any cooler. Jesus, Spock. It’s fucking hot here.”

Spock quirked a brow and took the hypo from Jim and injected it into his shoulder. “I find the temperature comfortable.”

“I know. Your favorite place on Earth is Death Valley.” Jim leaned over and panted. “I think I’ve lost twenty-five pounds just from sweating.”

“We can return to the house if you wish. It is likely time to feed you anyway.”

Jim rubbed his stomach. “It’s past time. I’m really hungry.”

Spock nodded. “We will return to our explorations tomorrow.”

“Can we get an earlier start? Maybe it will be just a slight bit cooler.”

“As you wish, Jim.”

Jim followed Spock as they hiked back the way they came. He took a canteen out of his backpack and took a drink. It wasn’t cold at all anymore. And he was half tempted to pour it over his head.

He hadn’t realized how far they’d actually come until they kept walking and walking. They’d been walking back at least an hour before he spotted Sarek’s house in the distance.

“You are all right, Captain?” Spock asked.

“Well. If you can call being physically exhausted, dirty, sweaty, smelly and hungry as a bear all right, then yes.”

“It is only a little farther now.”

“I’m pretty sure you told me that half an hour ago.”

When they finally reached Sarek’s house, Spock stopped him before they entered.

“I apologize that you are having a miserable time.”

Jim smiled. “I’m not having a miserable time, Spock. I’m with you, okay? It’s-it’s not exactly where I’d choose to take a vacation, it’s true.”

“Where would you choose?”

“Right now? A fucking igloo. With a blizzard.” Jim grinned and touched his fingers to Spock’s. “Now can we go inside where it’s at least a little cooler? I need a shower.”

They entered the house and Jim heaved a sigh of relief.

“I’m going to get that shower. And whatever we have to eat, please tell me it’s not soup.”

Jim laughed at the look Spock gave him and then headed down the hall to the room they’d been given. He stripped out of his shirt and shorts and went into the bathroom. He turned the water to cool.

“Sonic Schmonic,” he muttered and got under the spray of deliciousness. He closed his eyes and slid his hand down to his cock.

****

“Better?” Spock asked when Jim emerged a while later dressed in a tank top and shorts. He left his feet bare. Both Spock and Sarek were dressed in Vulcan robes.

Weirdos.

“Much. Hello, sir,” Jim greeted Sarek with a smile.

“Sarek, Jim. Remember? There is no need for such formality,” Sarek reminded Jim.

“What are we having?”

“Plomeek soup,” Sarek said, his expression blank.

“What?” Jim sked.

Sarek’s lips twitched. “That is what Spock and I will have. We have a refreshing salad of greens, tomatoes, and cucumbers for you.”

Jim grinned. “Thank God. Wait. Vulcan cucumbers or Terran ones?”

“Terran. I am aware of your distaste for the ones from here,” Sarek assured him. “You have made it quite obvious.”

Jim felt himself sort of blush but it was probably true. He had something of a big mouth when it came to what he liked to eat and did not like to eat. He smiled when Spock handed him iced tea just as his PADD beeped that he had a message.

He went to where he’d left it by the sofa in the living room.

He picked it up and read.

Hello Darling. I’ll be seeing you…soon.

Where My Demons Hide, Chapter 4

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“Are you sure about this, Jim?”

“Well.” Jim shrugged as he bent down to check his luggage. “Spock wants to.”

“That’s it? Spock wants you to.”

“Good of reason as any.” Jim tried a smile.

“Jim—”

“Bones, it’s fine.”

“Your mental state—”

“Is fine.” Jim squeezed Bones’ arm. “I swear, Bones. It’s all good.”

Spock suddenly appeared at his side in the shuttle bay. “Is there a problem, Captain?”

He had to smile at the softly spoken ‘captain’. A genuine smile. He figured he would never break Spock of the habit of calling him by his title and for some reason it was more endearing than it should be.

“No problem. Bones was just saying goodbye.”

Spock turned to Bones. “Doctor, I trust you will have a restful time while we are on New Vulcan.”

“Yeah, restful,” Bones muttered. “You got all the hypos I’m sending with you?”

“Yep.”

“Sunscreen?”

“Yep.”

He eyed Spock. “And you have all the hypos I’m sending with you in case he loses the ones I’m sending with him?”

“Hey,” Jim protested. “I totally won’t.”

“Yes, doctor. I have everything. He will not come to harm.”

Bones seemed unconvinced judging by his grimace, but he pulled Jim into a quick embrace. Jim patted his back gently and then pulled away.

“I’ll let you know when I’m there.”

“You’d better.”

Jim turned to go up the ramp for the shuttle.

“Spock, you have a minute?” Bones asked.

Jim stopped. He frowned as he turned around.

Bones waved at him. “It’s nothing, Jim. Just need a moment with Spock.”

Jim didn’t like it but there wasn’t much he could do about it. So he sighed and turned to go into the shuttle.

 

Spock noticed the grim lines around Jim’s mouth as they made their way to his father’s house which would be their home for the next month. He had been talking animatedly the entire way from Earth to New Vulcan, but he’d grown quiet ever since they landed and went through a bit of New Vulcan on their way to Sarek’s.

“My father could not be here for our arrival but will come later to have dinner with us,” Spock explained. He used the code his father had given him to access the house.

Once inside the home, Spock said, “My father is aware of our change in status and had assumed we would share a room, however, if you would prefer separate accommodations, I am certain that can be arranged.

Jim smiled faintly. “Sharing with you is fine, Spock. In fact, it’s preferable.”

Spock nodded and led Jim toward the room his father had advised would be theirs for the duration of their stay. It was a simple room with a bed big enough for both of them, a closet to hang their clothes and a dresser for anything they might want to place in drawers. There was a single window, facing away from the sun.

“This is nice.”

“It was…”

Jim cocked his head. “What?”

“This was the room Ambassador Spock occupied while staying on New Vulcan,” Spock said quietly.

Jim came to where Spock stood in the middle of the room. He placed his hands on Spock’s biceps. “I’m sorry. We can request another place to stay, maybe?”

Spock shook his head. “My father would think that illogical. It is only a room and does not contain his presence.”

Jim moved one of his hands to Spock’s jaw. “I guess I really didn’t think how much this affected you. I’ve been in my own little world.”

Spock leaned into Jim’s touch. “My concern has been with you.”

“Me?” Jim gave him a quizzical look. “Why?”

“You are melancholy.”

“Despite what everyone thinks I’m really not some sort of laughing doofus.”

“I never imagined such a thing.”

Jim sighed. “I know. The point is, I would like to think I’ve matured a bit and I can be serious.”

“Not too serious, I hope.” Spock gazed into his eyes. “The loss of Mr. Chekov weighs heavily on you.”

“On everyone.” Jim shook his head. “What did Bones want?”

“To charge me with your care.”

“My care? Jesus. I actually can take care of myself you know. I don’t need a nursemaid.”

“No. However, is it so terrible to have those around you wish to ensure your safety and welfare?”

Jim’s mouth thinned. “When put like that you make me sound like an asshole.”

“Never that. Dr. McCoy’s concern for you is admirable and appreciated.”

Jim pushed closer into Spock’s personal space. Spock found he did not mind. “Did you want to ask your dad about moving rooms?”

“Negative. It is only for our stay and I am certain my father thought it was the best choice for us.” Spock slid his arms around Jim’s waist. “You are tense. What is bothering you?”

Jim shook his head and was already opening his mouth in denial.

“Jim.”

“It’s just…they really do need so much help here. I’m—it’s selfish of me to want you to stay with me and I know it.”

“Perhaps,” Spock acknowledged quietly. “But I find that I want you to be selfish.”

“Spock—”

“I will do what I can from the Enterprise. My place is by your side.” Spock turned Jim around so that his back was to Spock. He put his hands on Jim’s shoulders and began to massage the muscles there.

“Mm. That feels great.”

“I am glad you approve.”

“I do.” Jim sighed softly. And before Spock could stop him, Jim stepped away and gently pushed Spock to sit on the edge of the bed. “Let me show you.”

“Jim—”

“Shh. It’ll feel good, I promise.” Jim knelt on the bed behind Spock and he began to attack Spock’s own tense muscles with rigor. “Feels good, huh?”

“Yes,” Spock agreed. “But it was my intention to massage you.”

“You can do that another time,” Jim said easily. “Right now I want you to feel good.”

It was on the very edge of Spock’s mind that there was something not quite right about all of this, but Jim’s hands on his neck, shoulders, and back felt so good, Spock closed his eyes and let the relaxed feeling push away any negative thoughts.

Spock did not know how long Jim continued to massage him but eventually he became aware he was laying on his back on the mattress and Jim was undoing his trousers.

“Jim?”

“It’s all right. I’m just here to give you pleasure,” Jim assured him as Spock felt Jim’s callused fingers pull his cock and balls out from his pants.

Spock jolted in shock when Jim’s hot mouth encircled the tip of his penis. The sensation was unlike anything he had ever felt before. His sexual life with Nyota had been satisfactory but not altogether inspiring. As Jim deep-throated him, Spock could not stop a keening cry from escaping his lips. Then he yelped, there was no other logical word for it, when he felt Jim’s slicked finger push inside Spock’s hole as he continued to expertly suck Spock’s erection.

“Jim,” he gasped, clutching at Jim’s head desperately as his whole body seemed alight with tiny shocks of electricity. His fingers threaded into Jim’s beautiful hair as his hips seemed to rise up of their own free will, pushing himself further within Jim’s talented mouth.

The finger pushed further and Jim swallowed around Spock and he was lost. He knew he shouted, Vulcan words of ancient origin, as he came, filling his captain’s mouth. He had a moment of gratitude that his father was not home for Spock knew he could not have been quiet.

Jim released him with a sort of slippery sounding pop and his finger eased out of Spock’s entrance with an astounding gentleness. Spock could only look upon Jim with wonder.

Jim smiled. “I’d better clean up.”

“Wait.”

“For what?”

Spock blinked, taking a moment to catch his breath. “I-I wish to reciprocate.”

“Oh.” Jim shook his head but he was grinning. “No worries. Your dad will be home soon, right?”

“Yes,” Spock replied reluctantly.

“I don’t want to be in the middle of anything.”

“I am certain there is time.”

“No way. I don’t want to come out of the room and greet him just after having sex. What an impression.” Jim smirked. “It’s fine.” He slipped into the bathroom off the bedroom.

Spock sat up and adjusted his own clothing. He would have to clean up as well.

But the alarm he felt over Jim’s behavior had increased tenfold. Clearly Spock was inadequate to fulfill Jim’s need

Where My Demon Hides, Chapter 3

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“Jim?” Spock’s voice had an urgency to it that thrilled Jim.

“Yes, do it.”

Long, elegant fingers pushed inside him, slick with lubricant. He buried his face in the pillow on the bed, biting it when Spock bit him, sharp teeth sinking into that fleshy part just below the back of his neck.

Fingers withdrew and Spock rose above him, pushing inside with a long drawn out groan.

Jim gripped the sheets, digging his fingers into the mattress as Spock fucked him hard and deep. The pleasure was there. His hard, sensitive cock pressed helplessly against the bed, the friction almost maddening in its intensity. The slide of Spock’s cock against his prostate. He was so close even without hand stimulation. Jim closed his eyes.

Spock groaned and stiffened above him, emptying inside Jim, even as the tips of his finger pressed into the skin of Jim’s hips. Spock rode out his orgasm, pumping over and over into Jim.

And then Spock collapsed. His weight on Jim almost crushing the breath from him.

Jim sighed as Spock withdrew from him. With a shake of his head, he sat up in the bed, rubbing his hand over his forehead and hair.

Spock sat up also. “Jim, if you will lie back down I will—”

“I’m good.” Jim smiled and patted Spock’s bare thigh. “I gotta go to the bathroom though. Be back.”

“Jim—”

Jim was already standing. He frowned down at Spock. “What?”

Spock hesitated and then shook his head. “There is nothing.”

Jim smiled again and headed to his bathroom, picking up his discarded clothes as he went. Once inside he closed the door and engaged the lock as he willed his erection to go away.

You’re nothing. Just a vessel. You just lie there and take it like the bitch you are. That’s right, you’re here to pleasure me. You get nothing. Nothing. You’re my toy, my plaything.

Jim sucked in a breath and blocked out the voice.

For a while it was almost impossible. And then it got easier. Almost effortless.

Then when he spoke to his mom the other day—

Well…they released him.

He probably won’t bother you.

“Jim?”

Spock from directly outside the bathroom door.

“Are you unwell?”

“No. Coming out now.” Jim scrambled into his clothes, splashed water on his face, and came out of the bathroom with a smile.

Spock had pulled on the sleeping robe he’d worn the prior night when he had slept over in Jim’s apartment. Good. That meant he was staying. Jim didn’t want to be alone. He hated sleeping alone. Did it all the time. Still hated it.

“Time for sleep?”

Spock inclined his head but Jim saw the hesitation again, the doubt, and Jim tried very hard not to give into the panic. Was Spock already regretting them?

Jim walked past him to the bed and pulled back the covers. He looked over his shoulder at Spock, afraid of what he’d see there. But Spock just looked like Spock as he approached the bed and got in next to Jim.

It was Spock who ordered the lights off as Jim snuggled up to him.

****

“The Enterprise will be ready one month earlier than originally anticipated.”

Jim looked up from his PADD at Spock who had just emerged from the bedroom, showered and dressed in black slacks and a gray sweater. He held his own PADD in his hands.

“I was just reading that myself.” Jim reached for his coffee. “I made you tea.”

“Thank you, Jim.” Spock walked over to him and touched his fingers to Jim’s.

Jim smiled. “There’s cranberry orange scones, too.”

Spock picked one off the plate. “You purchased these, Captain?”

He laughed. “No. I made them.”

“I was unaware you baked.”

“I’m full of surprises, Mr. Spock.”

“Indeed.” Spock took his tea and scones and sat down beside Jim. “What are your plans for the day?”

“Since we leave for New Vulcan tomorrow, I need to meet with the admiralty. I’m afraid it’s going to last most of the day.”

Spock nodded. “Nyota has returned from visiting her family and has asked to meet me for lunch.”

“So things are okay still between you two?”

“It appears so.”

Jim’s PADD beeped there was a message. He looked down at it. His heart froze in his chest. For a moment all he could do was stare.

“Jim?”

“Um. I better get ready.” He stood up abruptly, knocking the chair over. “Sorry.” He picked up the chair and then his PADD, but it slipped from his nerveless fingers to the floor.

Spock picked it up, glancing at the screen. “What is this?”

“A rose. It’s nothing. Thanks.” Jim took the PADD, smiled at Spock, before leaning down to kiss him softly on the lips. “See you later?”

“Yes, Jim. I will be here when you return from your meetings.”

Jim headed for the door. “Lock up, will you?”

“I will.”

“Most secure code, okay?”

“As you wish.”

“Can’t be too careful. Been some robberies in this neighborhood.” This time Spock didn’t reply, so Jim slipped out the door and made his way to HQ.

****

“How are things between you and the captain?”

“I am uncertain,” Spock admitted, placing his menu down on the table.

“Uncertain? What’s wrong? You seemed happy when you first got together.”

“Jim is…not what I expected.”

Nyota picked up her coke and sipped it through the straw. “I don’t understand.”

“I do not either. He is holding himself back.”

“Well, that doesn’t totally surprise me. From what I know from Leonard, he hasn’t really done a relationship before. Maybe he doesn’t know how to act?”

“Perhaps,” Spock acknowledged, “I am left always believing I am doing something wrong. It is unsettling.”

“You could talk to him?”

Spock nodded. “I suspect I will have to.”

“You’re not regretting anything, are you?”

“My own feelings? Negative. My regret is that I seem unable to be what it is he wants or needs me to be.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Spock.” She put her hand on his. “He’s always been a little closed off. Just try opening him a little more. New Vulcan might be just the place to try.”

Spock agreed as the waiter came to take their order.

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