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Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

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Grief

Flash Fic, January 28, 2025

Finally, right?

Spock bristled as they entered the drinking establishment Kirk had insisted they go to after their somewhat disastrous afternoon at a museum Spock invited his captain to attend with him while they were on shore leave.

Kirk had been in a bad mood most of the day and Spock felt drinking would hardly help the situation.

“That was like the worst place ever,” Kirk grumbled as he approached the bar.

Spock was losing patience with his complaints.

“You did not have to attend with me. It was your choice.”

“Believe me, I regret it. Mazebelian Cocktail, please,” Kirk said to the bartender.

“That has three different kinds of hard liquor,” Spock pointed out.

“Trust me, I need it.” His captain downed the drink in three quick gulps. He signaled for another. “I’m never letting you pick where we go again.”

Jaw muscle clenched tight, Spock snapped, “There will be no further invitations from me.”

Kirk looked past Spock to a blonde woman at the end of the bar who was giving him the eye. “Great. So I can avoid being bored to tears.”

He finished his second drink, slammed credits on the bar and headed over to the blonde woman. After a few minutes of conversation, during which she put her hand on his arm, they headed out of the bar and, presumably to Kirk’s hotel room.

“Want anything, pal?” the bartended asked, scooping up the captain’s credits.

“Thank you, no.” Spock turned to leave when he noticed Kirk’s small personal PADD left on the barstool next to where Kirk had sat. Spock picked it up and found that it was open to an email.

I regret to inform you that our investigation has found that your brother, George Samuel Kirk, was shot and killed fifteen years ago on the planet, Altoos.  

Spock took the PADD with him and left the bar.

***

 In the morning, Spock knocked on his captain’s hotel room door. He only hoped that the blonde woman had already left.

Kirk opened the door dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, looking freshly showered. “Spock. Come in.”

Spock did and was relieved to see that the hotel room seemed empty besides Kirk.

Kirk closed the door and turned back to Spock. “I wanted to say I’m sorry for yesterday. It was not a good day.”

“I also wish to apologize.”

“You? What for?”

Spock held up Kirk’s PADD. “I…may have seen personal information you would not want me to see.”

Kirk smiled slightly and took the PADD. “No, it’s all right. I would have probably told you about it eventually.”

“You were looking for your brother?”

“Yeah. Mom and I wanted to find him. I guess we did.” He sighed.  

“I grieve with thee,” Spock said, quietly.

“Thanks.” Kirk blew out a breath. “So, anyway, I know I was being a shit yesterday. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Your…companion has departed?”

“My companion? Oh. No. I mean, that didn’t…I didn’t spend the night with her, Spock. I sent her away. We didn’t hook up.”

“Oh.” Spock thought about it. “I thought when you left together…”

Kirk nodded. “I wanted you to think that. But…no. I know that maybe something between the two of us may never happen, probably won’t really, but I don’t want even the slightest chance to be ruined because I hooked up with some random somebody.”

Spock frowned. “Why?”

“Why?” Kirk laughed at that. “I might as well tell you the truth. I’m totally in love with you and have been for…a long time…I don’t really need to go into how long. I figured you had to know by now. Anyway, I know you don’t feel the same way, but as illogical as it probably is, some part of me is holding out hope that someday—”

Spock pushed him against the wall and started kissing him. Hard.

Kirk tore his mouth away. “Spock, what—”

“You talk too much, Jim.” And he kissed the words away until Kirk had his arms around Spock’s neck and he was practically crawling up Spock’s body.

But then…

“Wait!”

“What for?” Spock demanded.

“We’re meeting the others for breakfast this morning,” Kirk reminded him.

Spock shoved an available hand into his front pocket, which wasn’t easy as he was unwilling to put space between them and removed his communicator.

“Spock?” Uhura responded almost immediately. “Where are you and the captain? We’re waiting.”

“I am afraid some business has come up and we are going to be thirty minutes—”

Kirk shook his head.

“An hour late.”

Kirk smiled his approval and pulled Spock back into the kiss.

“An hour? What are we supposed to do for an hour?”

Spock sighed. “Have a mimosa or a bloody mary. Spock out.”

And then he hiked up Kirk until his legs were wrapped around Spock’s waist and he carried him to the bed.

“Might be ninety minutes,” Kirk murmured.

“Might be lunch.”

Where My Demon Hides, Chapter 3

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“Jim?” Spock’s voice had an urgency to it that thrilled Jim.

“Yes, do it.”

Long, elegant fingers pushed inside him, slick with lubricant. He buried his face in the pillow on the bed, biting it when Spock bit him, sharp teeth sinking into that fleshy part just below the back of his neck.

Fingers withdrew and Spock rose above him, pushing inside with a long drawn out groan.

Jim gripped the sheets, digging his fingers into the mattress as Spock fucked him hard and deep. The pleasure was there. His hard, sensitive cock pressed helplessly against the bed, the friction almost maddening in its intensity. The slide of Spock’s cock against his prostate. He was so close even without hand stimulation. Jim closed his eyes.

Spock groaned and stiffened above him, emptying inside Jim, even as the tips of his finger pressed into the skin of Jim’s hips. Spock rode out his orgasm, pumping over and over into Jim.

And then Spock collapsed. His weight on Jim almost crushing the breath from him.

Jim sighed as Spock withdrew from him. With a shake of his head, he sat up in the bed, rubbing his hand over his forehead and hair.

Spock sat up also. “Jim, if you will lie back down I will—”

“I’m good.” Jim smiled and patted Spock’s bare thigh. “I gotta go to the bathroom though. Be back.”

“Jim—”

Jim was already standing. He frowned down at Spock. “What?”

Spock hesitated and then shook his head. “There is nothing.”

Jim smiled again and headed to his bathroom, picking up his discarded clothes as he went. Once inside he closed the door and engaged the lock as he willed his erection to go away.

You’re nothing. Just a vessel. You just lie there and take it like the bitch you are. That’s right, you’re here to pleasure me. You get nothing. Nothing. You’re my toy, my plaything.

Jim sucked in a breath and blocked out the voice.

For a while it was almost impossible. And then it got easier. Almost effortless.

Then when he spoke to his mom the other day—

Well…they released him.

He probably won’t bother you.

“Jim?”

Spock from directly outside the bathroom door.

“Are you unwell?”

“No. Coming out now.” Jim scrambled into his clothes, splashed water on his face, and came out of the bathroom with a smile.

Spock had pulled on the sleeping robe he’d worn the prior night when he had slept over in Jim’s apartment. Good. That meant he was staying. Jim didn’t want to be alone. He hated sleeping alone. Did it all the time. Still hated it.

“Time for sleep?”

Spock inclined his head but Jim saw the hesitation again, the doubt, and Jim tried very hard not to give into the panic. Was Spock already regretting them?

Jim walked past him to the bed and pulled back the covers. He looked over his shoulder at Spock, afraid of what he’d see there. But Spock just looked like Spock as he approached the bed and got in next to Jim.

It was Spock who ordered the lights off as Jim snuggled up to him.

****

“The Enterprise will be ready one month earlier than originally anticipated.”

Jim looked up from his PADD at Spock who had just emerged from the bedroom, showered and dressed in black slacks and a gray sweater. He held his own PADD in his hands.

“I was just reading that myself.” Jim reached for his coffee. “I made you tea.”

“Thank you, Jim.” Spock walked over to him and touched his fingers to Jim’s.

Jim smiled. “There’s cranberry orange scones, too.”

Spock picked one off the plate. “You purchased these, Captain?”

He laughed. “No. I made them.”

“I was unaware you baked.”

“I’m full of surprises, Mr. Spock.”

“Indeed.” Spock took his tea and scones and sat down beside Jim. “What are your plans for the day?”

“Since we leave for New Vulcan tomorrow, I need to meet with the admiralty. I’m afraid it’s going to last most of the day.”

Spock nodded. “Nyota has returned from visiting her family and has asked to meet me for lunch.”

“So things are okay still between you two?”

“It appears so.”

Jim’s PADD beeped there was a message. He looked down at it. His heart froze in his chest. For a moment all he could do was stare.

“Jim?”

“Um. I better get ready.” He stood up abruptly, knocking the chair over. “Sorry.” He picked up the chair and then his PADD, but it slipped from his nerveless fingers to the floor.

Spock picked it up, glancing at the screen. “What is this?”

“A rose. It’s nothing. Thanks.” Jim took the PADD, smiled at Spock, before leaning down to kiss him softly on the lips. “See you later?”

“Yes, Jim. I will be here when you return from your meetings.”

Jim headed for the door. “Lock up, will you?”

“I will.”

“Most secure code, okay?”

“As you wish.”

“Can’t be too careful. Been some robberies in this neighborhood.” This time Spock didn’t reply, so Jim slipped out the door and made his way to HQ.

****

“How are things between you and the captain?”

“I am uncertain,” Spock admitted, placing his menu down on the table.

“Uncertain? What’s wrong? You seemed happy when you first got together.”

“Jim is…not what I expected.”

Nyota picked up her coke and sipped it through the straw. “I don’t understand.”

“I do not either. He is holding himself back.”

“Well, that doesn’t totally surprise me. From what I know from Leonard, he hasn’t really done a relationship before. Maybe he doesn’t know how to act?”

“Perhaps,” Spock acknowledged, “I am left always believing I am doing something wrong. It is unsettling.”

“You could talk to him?”

Spock nodded. “I suspect I will have to.”

“You’re not regretting anything, are you?”

“My own feelings? Negative. My regret is that I seem unable to be what it is he wants or needs me to be.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Spock.” She put her hand on his. “He’s always been a little closed off. Just try opening him a little more. New Vulcan might be just the place to try.”

Spock agreed as the waiter came to take their order.

Where My Demons Hide, Chapter 2

“You two had sex.”

“What?” Jim laughed. “You’re crazy, Bones.” God, he hoped he wasn’t blushing. He didn’t dare even glance at Spock. He just chose the seat directly across from Bones and sat down, noting out of the corner of his eye that Spock sat to Jim’s right.

“I may be crazy,” Bones allowed. “But you two still had sex.”

“No, we didn’t,” Jim insisted. He glanced around the relatively quiet restaurant, relieved no one seemed to be paying attention to Bones and his proclamations.

“You’re lying.” Bones was now pointedly looking at Spock. “What about Uhura?”

“Bones.”

“Nyota and I remain friends,” Spock replied from behind his menu.

Jim thought that was a pretty good idea and lifted his own in front of his face.

“You got any more of those tracking device rocks?”

“Bones, give it a damn rest,” Jim said sharply.

“Touchy tonight, aren’t we?” Bones said with a smirk. “So, anyway, what are you going to have, Jim?”

“The Beef Bourguignon.”

“Pretty good choice. The vegetarian choices begin on page three, Spock.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

Bones lowered his own menu. “Think I’m going to have the fried chicken. I decided to go see Jo in two days. You want to come with me?”

Jim set his own menu down and reached for the glass of water that was at his seat. “Actually I’ve already got plans for the next month or so.”

“Going to see your mom?”

Jim glanced at Spock who was still carefully perusing the menu. “No. Going with Spock to New Vulcan.”

“New Vulcan? You two aren’t getting secretly married or anything, are you?”

“Bones! Jesus. No. I swear to God I’m going to strangle you.”

Bones laughed. “Kidding, Jim. You really are touchy.”

“I invited the captain to New Vulcan so that he could assist me with some projects there,” Spock said, setting his menu down.

“Projects, huh?”

“Indeed. We will be there for a duration of one month. There will be no marriage ceremonies—secret or otherwise.”

“Good to know,” Bones said with a nod. “So, are you two a—”

“Bones.”

“What? I’m just asking. We’re friends. We serve together. It would be nice to know.”

“The captain and I are exploring a new aspect of our relationship.”

A waitress appeared at their table and they all ordered.

“A new aspect, huh?”

Jim sighed. ”You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“Probably not,” Bones acknowledged. “The two of you are too much fun to tease.”

Jim’s communicator beeped. He frowned down at it. “I have to take this. Be back.”

He rose from his seat and walked away from the table.

****

Spock’s gaze followed Jim as he headed out in the direction of the restaurant’s foyer. There was something very wrong. He could see it in the set of the captain’s shoulders.

The doctor was chattering on about something, his visit to his daughter, Spock thought, but he only half listened. He was sure he gave the appropriate answers.

But when Jim still had not returned after more than fifteen minutes and their food arrived, Spock stood.

“Doctor, I am going in search of the captain.”

“Yeah, he is taking a long time. You want me to come along?”

“Not at present,” Spock replied.

When he reached the restaurant’s foyer there was no sign of Jim so he went to the hostess. “Did you see my companion pass through here?”

“Yes, sir. He went out those doors.”

Spock turned and exited through the doors she had indicated and found himself on the sidewalk at the back of the restaurant. He caught sight of Jim immediately. He was leaning against a wall, his hands covering his eyes. Spock increased his pace to reach Jim faster.

“Jim?”

Jim did not react at first, so Spock reached for his wrists to pull his hands away from his eyes. They were wet and red, obviously from crying. Alarm shot through Spock.

“Jim?”

“There-s-there’s been an accident,” Jim whispered. “Chekov—” He thrust his communicator at Spock.

Spock glanced down at the communicator but there was nothing there. Just Jim’s communicator. Spock’s gaze rose.

“He didn’t make it.”

Spock sucked in a breath. For a moment Jim swam in front of him, moving out of focus. Spock closed his eyes, forced control. There was an ache in his side that had not been there a moment ago. But he opened his eyes and refocused on Jim. Jim would need him.

“I grieve with thee,” he said softly, reaching for Jim. He was not sure what to do other than to embrace Jim as Nyota had done for him during moments of grief. Jim sagged against him.

“How am I supposed to get through this, Spock?”

“Together we will, Jim.” Spock held him tighter. “Together as always.”

“I can’t go back in there.”

“You do not have to. I will go and inform the doctor. Wait here.” Spock placed a chaste kiss on Jim’s forehead and went back into the restaurant to break the news to Leonard.

****

“What can I do for you?”

“You don’t have to stay with me, Spock,” Jim said from where he stood by the window of his apartment, looking out at San Francisco.

Spock did not bother to respond for of course he did have to stay with Jim. And he had a feeling Jim knew it too.

“Coffee?”

“No. I think it would just sour in my stomach right now.” Jim pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes. “He was just a kid.”

“I know.” Spock went into the kitchen and brewed some tea, because he needed to do something. He was aware he was not very good at offering humans emotional comfort. He did try, but it was not something he had ever practiced. His mother had been very strong and though there were times when he thought he saw hurt in her eyes or a slip of her mask of strength, she continued to maintain the façade in front of both her husband and son. It often occurred to Spock how difficult it must have been for her with two Vulcans to subdue her emotional side.

When he came out of the kitchen with tea he saw that Jim had begun to shake. He had his arms wrapped around himself and he was trembling. Spock set the tea down and went to him, wrapping his own arms around Jim from behind and pulling him close.

“It’s unfair,” Jim whispered. “All that we went through. All that he went through and it-it ends like this.”

Spock once heard it said that death too no prisoners and he’d always thought it an odd saying. And it offered absolutely no comfort.

“He apparently did not suffer much,” Spock said softly. “It happened quickly.”

“I’ve-I’ve lost people. Lots of people. Why is this so damn hard? Why does it hurt this much?” Jim turned in his arms and buried his wet face in Spock’s neck.

“You were close to him. You spent time with his every day for years. We were all close. It is like the loss of a family member.”

“Yeah.”

“The best thing we can do is keep him in our memories and in our hearts. Yes?”

Jim nodded against him. “You’re right.” His hand twisted in Spock’s sweater. “It’s better with you here. I know I told you that you didn’t have to stay but…will you?”

“There is nowhere else I would be,” Spock assured him. “I made tea. If you would like some.”

“That sounds good.” But when Spock went to move away, Jim’s grip on his sweater tightened so Spock stayed where he was. Where he

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