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Flash Fiction Wednesdays

Try to Remember

More OMS

Though there was much Spock did not recall about his previous life still, he was beginning to remember larger pieces, thanks in part to melds with Jim as well as ‘reminder’ stories from Jim and others, including Spock’s parents.

And though Jim seemed more reluctant to travel these days, he still accompanied Spock on a trip back to his home planet of Vulcan.

Spock had relayed that Jim did not have to accompany him if he preferred not to, but Jim had balked at that, getting that look on his face that was a cross between disappointment, resignation, irritation, and indulgence. Spock didn’t know anyone else who wore that expression, but it seemed to be a favorite of Jim’s.

“No,” Jim had said. “I’m coming.”

Spock was glad, though, because he’d had no particular fondness for making the trip by himself. It was reported that his mother was not well and might not live much longer. Having Jim by his side was desirable under those circumstances, but he would rather Jim was comfortable than not, which was why he did say that Jim could avoid it if desired.

Jim was quiet on the shuttle ride there, and though Spock was not entirely certain, given his patchy memory, he suspected that was not usual for him.

“You are pensive,” he finally said.

Jim glanced at him, a small toothless smile appearing. “Am I? I don’t mean to be.”

Spock hesitated. “If your preference was to stay in San Francisco, I would have made no objection.”

Jim shook his head. “Not at all. I’m just…my parents have already passed on, and now, maybe your mother.”

“Yes.”

Jim shrugged. “Makes me think more about…mortality, I suppose.”

“You fear death?”

The smile grew crooked. “It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

“Marcus Aurelius.”

“Yes,” Jim said, seeming surprised Spock could remember that.

Spock supposed it was surprising. “I do not think you need to worry about a life not well-lived, Jim.”

“Perhaps not. Anyway, I know that I will die alone.”

“And how do you know this?”

“A feeling.”

Spock wondered where he himself would be that Jim would die alone, but decided not to dwell on this rather morbid declaration at this time. There we other considerations.

“Likewise, I do not think that my mother has any regrets for the life she has led.”

“No,” Jim agreed. “I imagine not. Still, when she does pass, I’m not sure how your dad will handle it.”

“I suppose he will handle it like a Vulcan.”

Jim snorted at that, though Spock did not know why. “How about you, Spock? Will you be all right?”

“One expects one’s parent to die before them.”

Jim sighed. He got that look again. “Yeah I know.”

There was no one else around them on the shuttle and Spock found himself reaching over to take Jim’s hand. Jim glanced at him in surprise, but he willingly took Spock’s hand in his.

“If you are by my side, T’hy’la, I can handle anything.”

Jim swallowed, nodded, and squeezed Spock’s hands. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. Thank you, Spock. And I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. Not without you.”

“Good. Then we are agreed. And whatever we face on Vulcan, it will be together.”

“Always.”

Jim leaned against him then and fell asleep and though there was much that was still lost to Spock, this-this was not. And he was filled with gratitude.  

Try to Remember

And we continue with the TOS OMS…

Kirk had had no idea the question of Spock remembering their first night together would ever come back to haunt him. But it did. Almost every day since Spock had been revived.

He’d given up almost everything there was to bring Spock back…to him. Kirk couldn’t really lie that it hadn’t been for him. No matter promises or words made to Sarek or anyone else. Kirk had selfishly sacrificed it all to have Spock alive again.

And as hard as it had all been, as much as it had hurt to know his own son had perished, surely because of him, he’d still felt joy when Spock had turned to him and said, “Jim. Your name is Jim.”

Telling Carol had been torment. She’d looked at him, over the view screen, and she had said in a quiet voice, “And this is why I didn’t want you in his life.”

And then she had closed out of the call, out of Kirk’s life, forever, he imagined.

Kirk couldn’t blame her. He’d made himself sort of sick over the entire matter. But Spock was living and walking and breathing again. And Kirk didn’t know when Spock had become so much of literally everything to him, but he had, and it was the way it was.

The first time, after all that, when they were still on Vulcan, when they hadn’t gone back to save the Earth and the whales, before they’d faced the hearing, and Jim had been gloriously demoted back to Captain. Before that.

He’d been alone with Spock. Spock who looked at him as though he were not a stranger, but not that familiar either, and Kirk, seated across from him, had asked.

“Spock, do you remember our first night together? After T’Pring and the Koon-ut-kal-if-fee?”

Spock had stared at Kirk, blankly. His expression more blank than it had ever been. And had said, “No.”

That simple word had pierced Kirk’s heart, even if it hadn’t been entirely unexpected.

And so Kirk had nodded, smiled a little, reached over and patted his husband’s knee, said, “That’s okay, Spock.” Stood and walked out of Sarek’s house to do his own form of meditation. A big glass of whiskey.

Spock remembered little of their life, not only from during their missions, but from their bonding and marriage, after the V’Ger incident. He’d been told that Kirk and he were married and bonded, but Spock felt nothing about it.

Kirk had been joined by Bones in the drink.

“After all this, with him not remembering your life, your love, any of that, was all this, was it worth it, Jim?”

Kirk had looked up to the hill where he could see Spock, dressed in his Vulcan robe, walking, going toward the temples.

“Yes,” Kirk had whispered, tears stinging his eyes. “Yes, Bones. It was worth it.”

And now they were back in San Francisco. On temporary leave. They’d be out again, on the Enterprise, someday, Kirk hoped and had been told, though it was hard to trust anything Starfleet said, but the ship was not completed, and Kirk was back to his apartment here. That he’d kept for years and probably would always keep, even when he was retired.

Spock was there with him. It had become their apartment after they married and bonded. Before Khan had come back to destroy it all, them.

The November sky had darkened even though it was barely five-thirty and around the edges was the color of burnt-orange that sort of reminded Kirk of Vulcan. He’d been afraid, ever since they returned, that Spock would come to him and announce his intent to leave, to go back to Vulcan.

Sure, Spock had spoken to his father just before they departed the hearing to decide their fate, and had not given any indication he intended to leave, but it was what Kirk feared nevertheless.

Eventually, surely, Spock would tire of him and not remembering their life.

And yet, gratefully, it had not happened.

He’d made the decision to give Spock space. Both emotionally and figuratively as well as real personal space. He’d turned the office/meditation space they had created together into a bedroom for Spock. Naturally, Kirk hoped it would be temporary, but if not, he would accept Spock in whatever way he was required to do so. Spock was it for him and he only wished he had realized that long before. He hadn’t and was filled with regrets.

“Jim?”

He turned from his spot standing by the railing on the balcony of the apartment to see his husband standing just inside the apartment, peering out at him from the open door. He could tell that Spock was reluctant to step outside, but he also wanted to ask Kirk to come in.

It was breezy and cool and Kirk wasn’t even sure when that had happened as he hadn’t noticed it before.

“Yes, Spock?”

“Will you come inside now?”

And there was a part of him that wanted to say no, that he didn’t want to go back inside to the awkwardness of being husbands and mates but not quite. To a life where he never pressed Spock on what he remembered for fear the answer would also be that he didn’t remember something that had been important to Kirk, to them.

“Sure,” he said instead, sparing one last glance for the breezy night sky. Then he turned and went inside, bemused when Spock stayed there to close the door behind him.

“I have made some soup,” Spock announced then.

He smiled faintly. “Yeah? Plomeek?”

“Negative. Butternut squash. I recalled you had a preference for it.”

Kirk blinked, feeling sudden constriction in his chest. “That’s right. Yes. I…yes. Thank you.”

“If you will sit at the table, I will bring it to you.”

He took his seat at the table which Spock had already set up with a napkin, spoon, knife, butter and bread. The whiskey bottle along with a glass had also been set beside it. But Kirk shook his head.

“I’ll just have water,” he announced.

Spock made no comment. He just took away the whiskey and brought a pitcher of water over, filling both their glasses.

Next came the soup, which arrived steaming hot in ceramic bowls just as Kirk slathered butter on a big thick slice of French bread.

When everything was settled and Spock had taken the seat across from him, Kirk found himself smiling at the simple meal. Maybe Spock couldn’t or hadn’t remembered everything, but there were little bits like this where he did remember and those moments were ones Kirk treasured.

He took a spoonful of the thick soup. “Delicious. Thank you.”

“You are most welcome.” Spock paused. “Jim.”

“Yeah, Spock?”

“I have a request.”

Kirk nodded. “Okay.” He thought for a second, then chuckled. “Is that why you made the soup? To butter me up?”

Spock arched a brow. “Butter you up?”

“Never mind. What’s your request?”

And he tried not to feel anxious about it. Whatever Spock asked, he certainly would not deny him.

“If you do not object, I would like to move my things back to your bedroom. To share the bed with you.”

Object? Not in a million years.

Kirk reached for Spock’s hand, the one not clutching the spoon, and curved his fingers around the palm of Spock’s hand. “I do not object even a little. I would like nothing better than to have you with me. Every single moment of every single day. Forever and always.”

Spock stared at him, rather blankly, and for a moment Kirk thought he had overstated things. He was known to do that from time to time.

Spock said so softly that he had to strain to hear. “Parted from me and never parted. Never and always touching and touched.”

Kirk broke into a smile and maybe there was a little moisture in his eyes too. “Yeah. Yes, Spock.”

“After dinner, then, I will move my stuff,” Spock said simply then.

Kirk found himself suddenly eager to finish the soup and bread. And yes, there was still a long way to go, he knew that. But this…his heart felt lighter than it had in weeks. There was hope.

Try to Remember

This series of flashes for Wednesdays in November are my TOS guys from What Now and a TOS Flash. I thought you might be able to figure out which one but I have changed my mind and added the link in case. It was the departure after the mission. Anyway, they are all related to each other. So, thus the November Wednesday Flashes Begin. When the flashes are finished for the month I will be putting them together to be my TOS OMS story posted on AO3. It’s called “Try to Remember” (after the song)

It was hard to believe for Kirk that Spock was back, after all this time. If he was back. Obviously, he’d come to help the Enterprise and spoke of his inability to complete Kolinahr. He’d known, somehow, as he’d always known, seemingly, that Kirk needed him, and he’d come.

But all that didn’t mean he was back for Kirk. For Kirk. There was a difference between being back for and being back because and though the difference might be subtle to some, it was not to Kirk.

And all of that talk about “this simple feeling” didn’t necessarily mean what Kirk desperately wanted it to mean.

They’d both been hurt and by each other.

Kirk had hurt Spock with his…marriage and fathering a child with Miramanee. And even though he’d had memory trouble at the time, even after it, Kirk had felt so much for her, for the loss of her and their child.  He’d admitted he didn’t know if what he felt for Spock was enough for him. If he could be…monogamous. It had been a lot for Spock to accept. Too much and it had ended them.

And then there was Reyna, perhaps not Kirk’s finest of moments or decisions, he didn’t know exactly what he’d been thinking, except that she had reminded him in so many ways of Spock, of who he could no longer have, Spock had made that clear, and before Kirk had even known it or could rationalize it, he was falling in love with a…a robot. A machine. And she could not be Spock. Ever.

At the end of the mission, Spock had walked away, predictably. Part of Kirk had told himself even if he hadn’t wrecked everything with Miramanee and that whole aftermath, Spock would have left him. What had he really to offer Spock? He couldn’t even agree to commit fully to Spock when it counted, and it had made him lose Spock.

The night before the mission ended, Kirk had gone to Spock, and had, admittedly, and without shame, seduced the Vulcan. He’d known then Spock would walk away and he’d wanted one last time.

And yet as they said goodbye, it had seemed so final and so…stilted and cold.

Jim nodded. “Okay. So.”

“So,” Spock repeated, tonelessly.

Jim looked behind him at the crowd bustling past them in the shuttle bay. Going about their business without thought to anyone else. Certainly not an idiot Human and an awkward Vulcan.

“Guess.” He cleared his throat. “Guess I should let you be on your way. Don’t want you to miss your shuttle.”

“Yes.” Spock moved to turn around.

“Goodbye, Spock. Good luck with everything.”

Spock looked back at Jim. “And you as well, Captain.”

Jim smiled faintly. “Jim. You’re not even in Starfleet anymore.”

“That is true,” Spock acknowledged. “Jim.”

“Give my best to your parents.”

“And to yours.”

“Will do.”

And that had been the end of them. Of him and Spock. Until V’Ger.

They were headed back to Earth now, and whatever awaited them, as a crew, and them, as a couple. Kirk was…hopeful. Guardedly. But he believed he’d learned a lot in the time they had been separated and he very much hoped Spock would give him a chance.

As it happened, they made it back to Earth, to San Francisco, in record time, and Kirk hadn’t had any alone time with Spock. He refused to believe Spock intentionally avoided him as Bones had implied.

Bones had just left his apartment, after they’d had a quiet dinner, just the two of them, and though Bones had tried to have a real conversation, Kirk found himself far too distracted by thoughts of Spock.

His doorbell rang just after Bones had departed, so soon after, he’d gone to the door with a ready smile and a, “What you forget, Bones?”

It was not Bones.

“Spock.”

Kirk was aware of a million different emotions in that one name that filled him and made him feel unsteady on his feet. But gripping the door, he stood back to let Spock inside.

The Vulcan was dressed in simple brown slacks and a wheat colored sweater, but even in such simple, plain attire, he looked stunning to Kirk.

“Can I get you anything? Tea? Or?”

“Not at present.” Spock glanced around. “I would like to speak with you, Cap…Jim.”

He nodded and brought Spock into his living room, by the windows that looked out over San Francisco. He wanted to sit close to Spock, beside him, but he didn’t have a sofa for such purposes, only chairs. It had never mattered before.

He gestured to a chair for Spock and then sat in the other that was opposite.

“What’s on your mind, Spock?”

“You.”

He should have guessed Spock wouldn’t beat around the bush. When had he ever?

“Me,” he repeated.

“And your expectations.”

“I see.” Kirk found himself nodding again. And he felt vaguely like one of those old-fashioned bobble-headed dolls he’d seen in ancient pictures. “I don’t…really have any.” He looked down at his nails, which he’d been biting much too often these days, and so he winced. “With respect to the Enterprise or…?”

“It was my understanding you might not get the Enterprise again.”

Kirk made a face. “Er. Yeah. That’s plain enough. I’m still an admiral in their eyes and admirals don’t command starships. No matter how decorated.” He paused. Looked at Spock. “Have they offered her to you then?”

“They did not, however, had they done so I would have refused. I have no desire to captain a ship.”

“But they did promote you.”

Spock nodded. “Indeed. But command of a ship is not a destiny I sought. I have been asked to instruct cadets.”

“Cadets?”

“In the taking of the Kobayashi Maru, more specifically.”

Kirk smiled faintly. “So you’ll be here in San Francisco.”

“Yes. For now. Which is the point of my coming here. If you are not in command of the Enterprise, will you be here as well?”

“Looks that way. Are you sure I can’t get you a drink?” And was more to have something to say then and desire to move away to see to it.

“I am sure. A lot has happened since-since we made our mutual departures.”

Kirk wasn’t sure it was mutual, actually. He hadn’t wanted things to end the way they had and yet…what had he done to stop it? And he certainly had contributed to it.

“The Kolinahr?”

“A small part. But important, I suppose. I did wish to purge the hurt and pain associated with our relationship,” Spock said softly. “But also the more positive emotions as well.”

“Understandable,” Kirk murmured. But he wasn’t really sure he meant it. He decided Spock was being far too vague and he was beginning to lose patience. He needed to know why Spock was here, what it meant for them, if anything. “Spock, what’s on your mind?” he asked again.

“I know that given our last night together after the mission ended, you might have had different expectations as to our future.”

“You mean, did I think we were getting back together after we made love that night?”

Spock moved his head downward, almost a nod, but not quite.

Kirk shook his head. “You gave me no indication that was the case.”

“The act of making love…”

“No,” he interrupted quickly. “I knew it was a-a goodbye. A way to end things between us tenderly. I had no expectations you meant anything but farewell.”

Spock stared down at his hands which were clenched in his lap. “And now? After V’Ger?”

“Do you remember our first night together? After T’Pring and everything.”

“I have an eidetic memory.”

Kirk sighed. Nodded. “Yes. But…do you remember? Not that way. How we felt. How you felt.”

Spock did not answer at first but then said, “Yes. And my feelings have not changed.” He looked up, meeting Kirk’s gaze. “And yours?”

He swallowed heavily. “Never. They’ve never changed, Spock, and they never will. I know I haven’t always been worthy of your trust and affections. Miramanee…”

“I did not fault you for actions that occurred while you were not yourself.”

“No. But…after. When I…I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. I couldn’t get past her death and the death of our child and I pushed you away…I’m sorry, Spock.”

“That was not our time, perhaps. It was difficult maintaining the secrecy of a relationship during such trying times aboard the ship.”

“I should have…”

“Jim. We can spend hours upon hours, maybe an eternity even, going over what we should have done, should have said, what actions we could have taken, how we could have avoided hurting each other, and in the end, none of that matters now. What does is this. Have your feelings changed, your expectations, or do you want what I want?”

“And what is that?” Kirk asked, carefully, perhaps foolishly. “Because I know what I want, Spock. What I’ve always wanted and what I threw away as the coward I must have been.”

Spock rose then and moved the few steps over to Kirk’s chair, and knelt down in front of it. “What I want is our time, T’hy’la. To fully embrace what we are, what we should be, have always been, with whatever time each of us has left.”

Kirk was suddenly aware there was wetness on his face, and he wasn’t even sure when he’d started crying, but Spock lifted a hand to wipe at a tear of Kirk’s cheek.

“Yes, Spock. I want the same. I want it all. With you.”

He fell to his knees beside Spock, cradled his beloved Vulcan’s face in his hands and kissed him.

Kirk didn’t know much, but he knew he would never let Spock out of his life again. He would fight for him, fight for Spock, and them, through anything.

Flash Fic, October 31, 2019

Photo by Александар Цветановић on Pexels.com

Coming full circle.

On October 31, 2014 I began the fic that would be known as Professor Spock. The first words I wrote were…And it started on Halloween. Two other fics later, they finally got married and fully bonded last October.

So I thought it fitting that I end October’s Flashes with yet another peek into their lifes

“Are you going to the party tonight?”

Jim looked up from the title of the message he’d received to stare at his best friend, Leonard “Bones” McCoy. “Party?” he asked, absently.

“The Halloween party. Being held at the cafeteria and hosted by Rand and Uhura. I know you said you didn’t have a costume but…”

“Not now, Bones.” He thrust his PADD at Bones, who scanned the message title.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’ll have to tell him. I just…I thought there’d be more time.”

Jim took the PADD and read the title of the message one more time.

Congratulations on your assignment to the Farragut

Jim opened the message to read it.

James Tiberius Kirk you will report to Captain Garrovick with the rank of Lieutenant as a Weapon’s Specialist. Report on…

Jim stopped reading it. 

He should be excited. He knew he should. But Spock…

“I thought for sure they’d assign me to the Enterprise. Spock is my husband and we filed all the papers and I posted for the Enterprise.”

“Hello Leonard. Jim.” It was Pike, who was suddenly standing next to their table in the cafeteria that would later be decorated for the Halloween party. “Can you excuse us for a bit, Leonard?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Bones looked at him uncertainly, but got up and walked away.

Pike sat in his place, looking serious but not unkind. “Then you got the memo?”

“Yeah. I don’t understand.” He clenched his fists. “I thought I’d be on the Enterprise with Spock, serving under you.”

“And that was my recommendation. But the admiralty thought the separation and differing assignments would be beneficial to both of you, this early in your career.”

“That’s bullshit. Spock and I are married and bonded. We’re supposed to be together.”

“Spock advised them that separate assignments would not be detrimental to your bond.”

“He what?”

Pike sighed. “They asked him straight out and Spock wouldn’t lie. Look, Jim, I know you’re disappointed but Garrovick—”

“Disappointed?” Jim asked, incredulous. “That doesn’t even begin to describe it. This is exactly why I didn’t want to join Starfleet in the first place. They do nothing but jerk you around. This is complete shit and you know it. I fucking resign.”

“Jim…”

“No. Seriously. Fuck you. Fuck them. I’m done.”

Jim got up from the table and fled the cafeteria, running blindly from the campus.

This was his anniversary, damn it. He was supposed to have a wonderful night with his husband. Maybe they’d show up at the party and maybe they wouldn’t. But this? It was too much.

Tears stung his eyes and as Jim stood there trying to decide which way to go, he stepped off the curb just as a hover bike changed lanes and ran right into him. 

****

“Unnh.”

“We must stop meeting this way.”

“Bones?” he asked groggily.

“I am not Bones.”

Jim’s eyes flew open and he had a huge amount of de ja vu. “Professor Spock?”

Spock’s eyes crinkled just a bit. “Yes.”

“What are you doing here?”

“You have been injured and are in the medical ward of Starfleet. You have a broken leg. You have a concussion and a cracked rib. You are fortunate it was not worse.”

“All right. Thanks. You can go now.” 

“Jim.”

He smiled a little. “Sorry. I thought we were replaying the day we met. Or the…after. You know.”

Spock leaned down and kissed him. “I know.”

“Happy Anniversary. Sucks.”

“You do have a dramatic way of protesting your assignment.”

Jim winced and looked away from his husband’s piercing gaze.

He felt the bed shake a bit as Spock sat down.

“Ashaya, I have news.”

Jim sighed and bit his lip. “I’m sorry I ran in front of a hover bike.”

“It was on purpose?”

“No. Still sorry though.”

“You are an exceedingly emotional being. This I have learned frequently since we became acquainted. Always running.”

“Yeah.”

“There is no need, Jim.”

“But they are separating us.”

“Not any longer.”

“Break it up, break it up, you two love birds.”

Bones came in. At least Jim thought it was Bones. Pirate Bones. With a parrot on his shoulder.

“I thought you had a party, doctor.”

“I do. And I’m on my way. Obviously. Just wanted to check on stupid here first. You’re doing fine, Jim. But you will have to stay here for a few days. I’m thinking four at least.” He thrust a drink container at Jim. “Pumpkin latte. Happy Halloween.”

Jim smiled. “Thanks.”

“And anniversary, I guess. Hard to believe just a year ago, Spock was wearing fangs. Unlike last time you got creamed by a hover bike and Spock begged to stay with you—”

“I did not beg. I merely pointed out that it was appropriate given we were bonded by the laws of—”

“Blah blah blah. Spock can stay with you tonight, no problem. As it’s all official and everything. I think I can go to the party leaving you in his capable hands.”

“Of course.” Spock was bristling.

“I’ll be by early in the morning to check on you.” Bones stopped at the door. Jim wished he could see if he had a peg leg. “Did you tell him?”

The question was directed at Spock.

“I was about to when you interrupted.”

Jim barely refrained from wincing at the censure in Spock’s voice. Bones merely rolled his eyes and left the hospital room.

Jim gazed at his husband nervously. “Tell me what?”

Because he was waiting for the other shoe to fall. Of course he was.

“The Farragut is departing in two days,” Spock said softly.  

Jim frowned. “But Bones said I had to stay here for four.”

Spock nodded. He reached for and held Jim’s hand. “Your assignment has changed.”

“What? What does that mean?”

“You will not be on the Farragut.”

Forgetting for a moment he had told Pike he resigned, Jim’s frown deepened. “Where will I be assigned?”

Spock paused a beat. “The Enterprise.”

His heart leaping into his throat, Jim gripped Spock’s hand tightly. “What? But I thought…”

“Ambassador Sarek spoke to the Admiralty about our bond. Though it is true that most ordinary Vulcan bonds do not prevent a separating assignment, little is known about our T’hy’la bond, as it is so rare. He recommended against splitting us.”

Jim’s jaw dropped open. “He did?”

“Indeed. And they agreed. Which you would have found out prior to your hospitalization had you not had an emotional outburst and ran away, yet again, as Father was already working on the solution.”

Jim smiled. “I sense a reprimand in there.”

“Oh it was an obvious reprimand, Jim. Perhaps next time you will wait to speak with me.”

“There won’t be a next time.” Jim’s smile slipped. “We do seem to repeat the same behaviors, circumstances. Whatever.”

“Mm.” Spock leaned over to kiss him. “Happy Anniversary. This was not exactly what I had planned.”

“What did you have planned? The Halloween party?”

Spock drew back and gave him a look. “Hardly. A romantic dinner for two, champagne for you, chocolates for me, naked wrestling in bed…”

Jim sighed. “That does sound…wait. What?”

Spock’s lips twitched. “Or you know, making love.”

“Damn it. I had to go and get hit by that stupid hover bike. Again.”

“It was not the same one.”

“You know what I mean.”

Spock released his hand and rose from the bed, confusing Jim.

“Wait. Where are you going?”

“To fetch your dinner. We will have what passes for a romantic anniversary dinner here in your hospital room. Without the champagne and chocolate truffles, of course. And no vampire costume this year.”

“Awe. Okay. Everything else…sounds amazing. I love you, Spock.”

“And you own my heart, body and soul.”

And yes…it started on Halloween.   

PS. This is being posted on AO3

Well…(A trick, not a Treat)

If you came here for Wednesday’s Flash, I regret to inform you it has been moved to tomorrow, Thursday, for reasons. It’s Halloween tomorrow and that plays into the fic that was written for this Wednesday, so I moved it. It’s not my fault Halloween would not cooperate and be on a Wednesday.

So….see you tomorrow

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Flash Fic, September 25, 2019

The Conclusion of our Clueless Vulcan

Spock had barely been in his quarter but a few minutes when someone buzzed for access. Spock couldn’t have said why, but he suspected it was Jim.

“Come.”

“Hi Spock. Got a moment?”

Spock found himself dreading whatever Jim would say. But he could hardly deny his captain. “Yes, of course.”

Jim nodded. He looked uncomfortable and his gaze landed everywhere except on Spock. “Listen, I owe you an apology.”

Of all the things Spock had expected the captain to say, that hadn’t been one of them. He was at a loss to respond or even know if he ought to, so he waited for Jim to continue.

“I’ve been…behaving inappropriately. Giving you mixed signals. And I’m aware of it, but I haven’t been able to reconcile thoughts in my head until now. None of this is your fault, Spock. It’s all on me.”

When he paused for a long time, Spock felt prodded to respond in some way.

“What is?”

Jim shook his head. He’d wrapped his arms around himself in body language Spock recognized as defensive.

“I’ve had these feelings that I struggled with. I’ve found myself interested in you in ways far beyond friendship or camaraderie. And for much of that time, you’d be with Uhura and so I had forced myself to dismiss all of it. When you two broke up, I started to hope…” He shook his head again and turned entirely away from Spock. “I hoped that maybe, there might, someday, be some kind of reciprocation on your end. I convinced myself you’d been flirting with me. Vulcan flirting, but still. And that had me thinking that I’d been right to think there was a chance for us.”

He paused again, seeming to shrink unto himself and Spock reached toward him even as Jim spoke.

“But now I know I was kidding myself and all you’ll ever feel for me is friendship and that camaraderie. And finding that out…well…it hurt for a while.”

Spock blinked. “When did I…?”

“I heard you in the corridor with Uhura one night. I think my mom once told me that if you eavesdrop you’re bound to hear something you wished you hadn’t and she sure was right about that.”

“But…”

“I know I had no right to feel hurt. You didn’t owe me your affections or anything. But I took it badly. I drank myself into a stupor with Bones that night. And after, in order to protect both of us, or I thought so anyway, I pulled back from you even as a friend. That was wrong and I can see it negatively affected not only our working relationship but that of the crew.” Jim inhaled and exhaled. “So, basically, I’m sorry. I’ve made a big effort to get past it all and I think I have, so, from now on—”

“No.”

Jim turned around so fast to stare at Spock he almost lost his balance. His arms had dropped down from being crossed in front of his chest.

“Excuse me?”

“What if I do not desire you to get past it?”

“Huh?”

Spock let out a heavy, frustrated sigh, the likes of which were unheard from him, he knew, and very human, but at the moment he didn’t care. He was not good with words. Not emotional ones anyway. And if he’d needed proof, the fact that he had nearly destroyed what would absolutely matter to him most going forward, with carelessly spoken words he knew not to be true when he said it, should tell him that words were not needed just then.

Instead he took the few steps left to reach Jim and took hold of Jim’s arms, gently in his grasp. Those blue blue eyes widened as Spock leaned in and kissed him.

At first Jim’s lips didn’t move, didn’t accept the kiss Spock gave him and Spock had a momentary regret, fearing he’d gotten this all wrong after all despite Jim’s words.

But then, as Spock was about to pull away, he heard the barest gasp of breath from his captain just as his stiff, unyielding lips softened under his, opened for Spock, and allowed Spock to conquer fully. Jim’s hands fisted in Spock’s uniform shirt as he sagged against him, accepting the intrusion of Spock’s tongue eagerly.

Spock wasn’t sure how long they kissed. It felt like seconds, too short, but might have been years for all that he was aware of anything but Jim.

And there would be things, surely, that they would need to talk about, together, their past, their present, and definitely their future, but for now their lips, their arms wrapped around each other as Spock moved them toward his bed, their very bodies, that was all the conversation they needed now.

As he flung Jim onto the bed, his captain bouncing slightly upon impact, Spock flung himself onto Jim, his lips seeking purchase against Jim’s, his mouth wanting to return to the ultimate purpose of claiming this human as his…forever.

But Jim, predictably, had to have more than mere action. He paused to seek out Spock’s gaze, a question in his eyes.

“Spock, yeah?”

He nodded. “I do not have the words.”

Those sensuous lips, so addicting, curved into the slightest of smiles that somehow seemed more genuine than any smile he had yet given to Spock. There was a light within the blue eyes Spock had not seen.

“I do,” said Jim, softly. “I love you.”

Three standard words that had seemed trite and meaningless before. So many said them without ever meaning it.

Yet Spock felt them all the way to his Katra and beyond. Perhaps he had the words after all.

“And I love you.”  

Flash Fic, September 11, 2019

Does Our Clueless Vulcan Begin to Get a Clue?

“Could we cut out the bridge chatter?”

Spock straightened away from Nyota who had motioned him over to her station so that she could ask him what was wrong. He exchanged a look with her before stepping away.

“My apologies, Captain,” Spock said coolly, returning to his science station.

Jim waved that away. “Wasn’t just you.”

Sulu and Chekov rather pointedly stared straight ahead.

“Mr. Chekov, you’re part of the landing party. Lieutenant Uhura, please have Doctor McCoy, Mr. Hendorff, and Mr. Scott meet us at the transporter room.” Jim rose from his chair and headed for the turbolift, following by Chekov. “You have the command, Spock.”

“Captain.”

He stopped but didn’t turn around. “Yeah?”

“During our prior meetings regarding this mission, it was concluded that I would be an asset on the landing party.”

“I’ve decided to have Chekov in your place. He could use the science experience.” Jim turned then to gaze at Spock, expression schooled and blank. “Is that a problem, Mister Spock?”

“No, Captain.”

Jim nodded and entered the turbolift as did Chekov and the doors closed.

Nyota approached him. “What was that?”

Spock exhaled. “I do not know.”

Much later after the landing party returned, Spock went to the medbay. Surprisingly, it was not Jim who had been injured, but Chekov and Hendorff. But Jim stood by the biobed next to the ensign while McCoy examined him.

“Reporting, Captain. The situation is stable.”

“Good,” the captain replied. “You okay, Chekov?”

“Yes, sir.”

Without even looking in Spock’s direction, Jim went over to the biobed with Hendorff. Nurse Chapel was with him. Spock followed.

“Good work down there, Lieutenant.”

“Glad to be of service, Captain.”

“Extra service today.”

“Oh?” Spock asked politely.   

Hendorff shrugged. “Nothing, Commander. They were just going to take the captain hostage and I prevented it.”

“And got injured in the process,” Jim added. “I’ll put an accommodation in your file. How is he?” He directed this at Chapel.

“He’ll be fine. Few days of rest, he’ll be good as new.”

Jim smiled and nodded, turning away and heading for the exit.

Spock followed.

Jim stopped just outside the medbay doors turning, toward him/ “I’m off duty so I’m headed for my quarters.”

“You definitely could use some rest.”

“Yeah. Why aren’t you on the bridge?”

“Mr. Sulu is in charge at the moment, but I’m on my way there. Chess later?”

The captain didn’t respond at first and Spock got the oddest feeling he was counting to ten in his head. But then he very slowly let out a breath.

“Okay. Sure. Why not? Twenty-one hundred. My quarters.”

“I will be there.”

Jim started to turn away, but then stopped. “You know what? Scratch that. How about the rec room instead?”

“The…rec room?” They had not played chess there in months. Jim preferred relaxing in his quarts and frankly, so did Spock.

“Yeah. We should socialize more with the crew, I think. Put in an appearance of a united front. That kind of thing.”

“As you wish, Captain.”

Jim offered him a smile but it was brittle and Spock knew with absolute certainty he had failed some kind of Kirk test.          

Flash Wednesday, September 04, 2019

As you will see, things do not go so well for our clueless Vulcan. Wonder what’s up!

After he left Nyota’s quarters, Spock went to their captain’s, but there had been no answer. Spock felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. He was not certain he was at all prepared to acknowledge the possibility that Nyota’s speculation might be correct. But he also found those occasions when he spent time with the captain to be preferable to making do with merely himself.

He had not made any specific plans to see Jim, however, anticipating spending his evening with Nyota, so he had no right to feel that Jim should have been there to see Spock.

The next morning, Spock stopped by the captain’s quarters as was his usual practice on the way to the mess for breakfast. There was no response to his attempt to rouse his captain.

With a slight frown, Spock stepped over to the computer on the wall. “Computer, locate Captain James Kirk.”

“Captain Kirk is in the mess room, Deck 7.”

Spock knew that he was not late, but knowing Jim’s sleep patterns were often not ideal, he made his way to Deck 7 and the mess.

There he found Jim sitting in a corner at a table reserved for only two, which was not at all his usual practice. But as Spock approached, Jim’s gaze flicked up to Spock’s face and it gave Spock no little pause.   

There was absolute blankness there. Not sorrow, not anger, not happiness. No emotion at all. Which was also unlike Jim.  

Still, Spock was used to both having breakfast with Jim and his mood swings, so he made to take the seat opposite Jim.

“Good morning, Captain.”

He expected Jim’s usual banter or perhaps a reminder to call him Jim, but instead he got a curt, “Commander.”

Spock’s uneasiness grew, but he quelled it for the moment. “I was surprised you had already left for breakfast.”

“Were you?”

“You generally wait for me.”

The captain nodded. “Didn’t feel the need. And I’m done, actually, so if you’ll excuse me…”

His gaze swept over Jim’s mostly untouched food. Jim never left food. Not long after their fight with Krall, while still on Yorktown, Jim had confessed to Spock one night over chess that he’d been on Tarsus and wasting food was anathema to him.  

“Jim…”

But the captain was standing and pushing back his chair. “I’ll see you the bridge, Mister Spock.”

Spock nodded, tamping down his unease once more. “Chess to—”

“No.”

“You are busy?”

“No. I just don’t want to. Bridge, Mister Spock.”

And then Jim was gone and Spock was left staring at his uneaten food.       

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