Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto)

“And then I…”

“Help! Help!” Chekov cried, rushing into the medbay.

Jim turned around from talking to Bones to stare at Chekov in shock. “Ensign, what—?”

“He iz crazy, Keptin. Help me.”

“Who? What the hell?”

“Mister Spock! He Is going to kill me.”

Jim laughed. “Spock is not going to kill you.”

Chekov grabbed for Bones. “Doktor. He is running after me, hide me.”

“Now see here, Chekov, what is this all about?” Bones asked reasonably.

“There is no time to explain!”

“Ensign, explain yourself now. That’s an order.”

Chekov straightened and looked over his shoulder at the door. “It was a little prank, sir.”

Jim frowned. “A prank?”

“Ya. April Fools. I tell to the Kommander that you and the Doktor are inwolved in an affair as a little joke.”

“What?” Bones demanded. “Me and him? I may throw up.”

“Bones,” Jim said sharply. “But that’s just what I was about to tell you before Chekov ran in here. I’m pretty sure Spock’s going into his time and is entirely irrational.”

“What?”

Chekov’s eyes were huge. “Yes! This is vhat I am telling you. He iz trying to kill—”

The medbay doors exploded open and Spock stormed in, looking darkly menacing. He took a step toward Chekov, who squealed and dashed behind Jim and Bones.

Jim held out his hands. “Now, Spock, it was…”

But Spock charged toward them, not to Chekov, but to Bones. And his hands were outstretched toward McCoy’s neck.

“Spock! No!” Jim exclaimed, trying to grab onto his husband and first officer. But Spock swatted him as though he was just a fly, sending him flying into the bulkhead. For a moment, Jim was dazed, and he heard Chekov squealing in terror.

“Stop it, Spock! You’re not in your right mind,” Bones tried, just as Jim saw Spock’s hands wrap around Bones’ throat.

“No! Kommander! Stop. You vill kill him!”

“You think to steal him from me,” Spock roared.

“Spock!” Jim scrambled to his feet and rushed at Spock. “Stop it.”

Just then Bones fell limp to the ground. His mouth hung open and his eyes bulged wide. Jim knelt down beside him.

“Bones! Bones! Damn it. Spock, you’ve killed him.”

“Oh no!” Chekov cried. “It was…it was a joke. Just a little joke.”

Spock suddenly straightened and stared blankly at Chekov. “Very little, Ensign.”

Chekov blinked. “What?”

Jim burst out laughing. “April Fool’s, Pavel.”

“What?”

Bones pulled his tongue back into his mouth and sat up, cackling. “That was too good! Lord, you shoulda seen your face, Chekov.”

“A joke?” Chekov shook his head. “You vere in on it, Mister Spock?”

“Obviously. And frankly with what you tried to pull, you deserved it,” Spock said, simply. He reached down and hauled Jim to his feet.

“Hey! What about me? I’m the one you strangled,” Bones grumbled, getting to his feet himself.

“Are you all right?”

“Well, I…”

“Captain.”

Bones scowled.

Jim grinned. “Well you did kind of toss me into the wall pretty hard. Lost my breath for a second.”

“I will make sure you get it back later,” Spock murmured.

Jim stepped closer.

“Okay, that’s it, out of my medbay. It’s April Fools, not Valentine’s Day. Everybody out.”

“Bridge. Mr. Spock?”

“Indeed, Captain.”

“A joke,” Chekov muttered. “I thought he killed the doctor and it vas a joke.”