Spock was coming around the corner when he heard his father’s voice. He was aware his father intended to speak to their temporary guest, Jim Kirk, a Human boy of fifteen, who had recently been rescued by the Federation from Tarsus IV.
Spock had met Jim and quite liked him. He was attractive and kind, though sad. Spock couldn’t blame him considering the circumstances. While Spock was aware eavesdropping was not admirable, he found he could not turn around and walk away.
“On Vulcan, the Terran holiday season, including Christmas, is not observed. I realize it is December and you are generally used to holidays, Vulcans are not. Since you are currently on Vulcan until you can be safely transferred to your mother’s care, you must accept how matters are done here.”
“Yes, sir.”
“If all goes as planned, you will be able to observe your celebration at this time next year in your Terran home.”
“I understand, Ambassador.”
“Good. Now, my wife is Human, and is experienced in cooking meals that will likely appeal to your palette and the replicators have also been programmed to offer meals you would likely appreciate. Given your lack of proper nutrition recently, I suggest you begin to make use of the replicators to eat until dinner later provided by my wife.”
“Yes, sir.”
“If there is anything else you require, you know how to reach me. I have a meeting to attend to, so I will see you at dinner.”
And then Spock’s father left, leaving the far too thin teen standing there staring after him.
Jim’s sandy colored hair was an unruly mess and there were dark smudges under his blue eyes, but he had been provided with trousers and a sweater to wear. They were too big, but it was more than he had arrived with. Due to his immediate rescue, he had come with nothing.
“Jim,” Spock called softly as he approached.
Jim turned and gave him a sunny smile. “Hey, Spock.”
Spock looked in the direction Sarek had gone. “I apologize for my father’s gruffness.”
“No, it’s all right. I’m the one who brought up Christmas. I should have known better.” Jim lowered his gaze shyly. “I mean, I knew there wouldn’t be like presents or whatever, I just wanted a bit of something normal and fun after everything.” His gaze rose. “I get it though. Of course you guys don’t do Christmas.”
“My mother was raised Jewish on Earth,” Spock told him. “But we do not observe any Jewish holidays either.”
Jim smiled and nodded. “Makes sense. Well, I think I’m going to go to my room for a bit, if you don’t mind. Probably take a nap. I’m pretty tired.”
“Yes, of course. I will see you soon.” And Spock was already formulating a plan.
Jim had just awakened from his nap when there was a noise at his door. Not a tap, more like a kick.
He rose from the bed and opened the door. Spock stood there holding about a two-foot pine tree decorated with lights and silver and gold balls.
“Spock, what—”
“May I come in?”
Jim stood back and let Spock inside. The Vulcan, aged eighteen he’d been told, stepped inside, not only carrying the tree but also a wrapped package and a filled red and green stocking.
Spock placed the tree on the desk in Jim’s room, and then set the package and stocking down.
“Mother assisted me with the present and stocking. I was able to replicate a small pine tree and decorations,” Spock said. “Since this is your room for the foreseeable future, I thought you should be able to have Christmas here if you wished.”
Jim’s eyes filled with tears, and overcome, he sat down heavily on the edge of the bed.
Spock frowned. “I do not understand. I thought this would make you happy.”
“It does. It’s just…it’s been a really long time since anyone has been…since anyone has been this nice to me.”
Spock knelt on the floor in front of him. “The package is more clothes for you. But in the stocking there are things like cookies and candy and oranges. Mother helped me research what would normally be included.”
Jim laughed and wiped at his eyes. “That’s pretty cute.”
Spock shook his head. “No one has ever called me cute.”
“I doubt that,” Jim said, shyly.
Spock did not argue. “And we have added some additions to the replicator including a drink called eggnog and gingerbread.”
“Wow. That’s-that’s more than I could have ever wanted. Won’t your dad be mad?”
“He is not. We advised him of our plan and he said because it would all be in your room, he saw no reason not to indulge your Humanness.”
“That’s awesome! Thank you so much.” He quickly hugged Spock, but did not linger, knowing it would make the Vulcan uncomfortable. He then went to his stocking, tree, and present.
Jim was rushing home from having made a last-minute stop at the toy store. It was already two days before Christmas and he had to make sure Santa was going to deliver all the presents Georgie had asked for.
That morning, just before twenty-year-old Jim had left to go to his classes at Starfleet Academy, his little girl, Georgie, short for Georgette, named after his father, had advised him she’d asked Santa for a “Shelley Doll” and she sure hoped Santa would give it to her as she really really wanted it.
Jim had drawn a complete blank. He had never heard of this doll and it was the first time he’d heard Georgie ask for it.
Georgie was just four years old and very strongly believed in Santa. When Jim was sixteen and still living on Tarsus IV, he and his friend, Helen, slept together. Helen ended up pregnant and later, after giving birth to their daughter, she hadn’t survived the famine and killings there. Jim had taken Georgie back to Riverside with him and for a while, while he was still just a kid, his mom helped him.
But now his mom was back out in space herself, and Jim was going through the Academy. Georgie was with him in San Francisco.
He had to get that doll as there was no way he was going to disappoint his little girl. Fortunately, after his last class today, he was done until the second week of January.
But he was running late, later than he had intended, and he’d just received the second text from his babysitter asking when he would pick up Georgie.
So it really shouldn’t be a surprise when he ran smack into someone so hard that he went flying in the air and landed on the ground, smacking his head and his tailbone as he did so.
“Ow, fuck.”
“I apologize, I did not see you barreling toward me.”
The familiar voice cut through his pain filled head. Spock, the Vulcan instructor. Just figured.
Jim groaned and tried to sit up.
“Lie still, Mister Kirk. I will call for emergency transport to the hospital.”
“No, no, no. I can’t go.” Jim rubbed the back of his head. He wasn’t sure what hurt more, his head or above his butt. “Wait! Where’s my package?”
“Package?” Spock was crouched in front of him.
“Yes! Damn it. Where is it? I can’t lose Shelley.”
“You clearly need the hospital, you are delirious.”
Jim frowned, getting annoyed. “I’m not delirious. I had a bag from the toy store with a doll in it for my daughter for Christmas.”
“You have a daughter? But you are barely twenty.”
“Yes, I know. Where…” Jim spotted the bag nearby just before it was about to be stepped on. He snatched it up. “I hope it’s okay.”
He opened the bag to peer in. The doll seemed intact.
“Perhaps it is best to get up and out of the way of the pedestrians.” Spock reached down and pulled Jim to his feet. He held on to him when he swayed a bit. “I highly recommend you go to a hospital.”
“Can’t. It’s two days before Christmas and I gotta play Santa to my daughter. And right now she’s with her babysitter and I need to get her. Are you okay?”
Spock frowned. “I was not hurt.”
“Good, then I’m going to go.”
“If you will not get medical attention, at least allow me to accompany you to your home to ensure you are all right.”
Considering normally, Jim would jump at the opportunity to spend time with Spock, or jump on Spock, really, he figured he probably should agree.
“All right, fine.”
They only had another block to the apartment building where Jim lived, which also happened to be where Georgie’s babysitter lived.
The door to the apartment opened even before Jim had a chance to knock.
Leonard “Bones” McCoy peered out at Jim. Then he opened the door wide. “What happened to you?”
Jim gestured to Spock with his thumb. “Ran into a Vulcan brick.”
“Daddy!” Georgie hugged his legs.
“Hey, pumpkin.” Jim shoved his bag at Bones and scooped up his daughter. “Spock, this is Georgie and Bones. Bones is a doctor, so I’ll have him check me out.”
Georgie peered at Spock curiously. “Is he staying for dinner?”
Spock opened his mouth.
“I’m sure he probably has something better to do,” Bones interjected.
“I would like to stay,” Spock said with an arched brow.
Jim smiled. “Great. Uh. You want to come over too, Bones?”
“Someone has to be the chaperone,” Bones grumbled.
“Down, Daddy. I want to show Spock where we live!”
“Okay, okay.” Jim laughed and put her down. He was surprised when Spock let her grab his hand and lead her away from Bones’ apartment to theirs.
“What’s this?” Bones asked, shaking the bag.
“Shelley.”
“Huh?”
“Georgie asked Santa for a Shelley doll. So…”
Bones nodded. “Got you. I’ll hide it with the others until tomorrow night.”
“Thanks, Bones.”
“What’s with you and the hobgoblin?”
Jim shrugged. “I don’t know. My ass is killing me though.”
“Hey, no telling me personal stuff!”
Jim rolled his eyes. “I fell. Hit my tailbone and my head.”
“No wonder you’re with him,” Bones cracked. “Let me put this away and get my medical bag and I’ll be right over.”
“Thanks.” Jim smiled and shook his head as he heard Georgie chattering away at Spock. It would be an interesting night, for sure.
This one ended up being a whole thing and took some weird twists and became rather angsty. It may end up being a larger fic come December at Christmas proper. We will see. I am thinking there’s more to tell here that I can’t get into dealing with just yet. But then again, maybe I should just leave it alone!
Jim nodded absently at his friend’s words. They were said with a false, forced cheer that he mostly appreciated.
He scooped another spoonful of eggnog ice cream, not bothering to glance toward the window of his hospital room where Bones stood. He could hear the pouring rain from his bed, anyway.
Next to his bed, on the end table was an arrangement of red, white, and green carnations with a glittery reindeer stick stuck in the vase with them. The card attached read ‘Get Well Soon and Merry Christmas, the Sulus.’
Bones turned back to him. “Let me see your chart again.”
Jim was in Starfleet Hospital in San Francisco. Bones wasn’t his treating physician, just his friend. But Bones was Bones and a nosey doctor he would remain.
Bones tsked. “Heart failure two days before Christmas.”
“Um hum. Drained a bunch of fluid off. It’s hereditary on Mom’s side.”
“Thought Khan’s blood would prevent that.”
Jim smiled faintly. “That was a long time ago, Bones. I’m aging at a normal Human pace. I don’t think he made me Superhuman or anything.”
“What use was he then?” Bones grumbled.
“There was no use for him. You know what. Anyway, I should get out of here before New Year’s. Gotta take pills, get regular checkups, blah blah blah.”
“Well, Admiral, you do have desk duty. So at least I don’t have to worry about you getting shot or something.”
“Small favors anyway. I feel fine, Bones. A little tired is all. And bummed I’m stuck in this hellhole over Christmas.”
“Your mom coming by later?”
“Yep. With a pre-approved mini tree for my room. She had to get my doctor’s approval, but he did.”
“What about David? Carol bringing him by?”
“Not until the day after Christmas,” Jim admitted. “I told her that they should spend Christmas in England with her husband and Carol’s mother.”
“Can’t believe he’s almost a teenager already. Hell, worse I can’t believe I’m a grampa.”
Jim smiled. “It suits you.”
Bones rolled his eyes and pulled up a chair. He brought the eggnog ice cream, also approved by Jim’s cariologist, and a white stuffed polar bear wearing a Santa hat.
He cleared his throat, so Jim knew what was to come, though he had hoped it wasn’t.
“Think he’ll show up?”
Spock, of course. Spock who had ended things with Jim six months earlier and left for New Vulcan to finally pursue Kolinahr.
They’d had a fight to end all fights. Jim wished he could say he didn’t remember what caused it, but he did. It didn’t really matter now. They were kaput. And Spock likely was knee deep in kneeling before some snooty priestess.
“No. What reason would he have?”
Bones stared at him wide-eyed. “You just had heart failure and almost died!”
Jim shook his head. “I wasn’t that in danger of dying. And I doubt anyone told him.”
“The mind thing?”
“Been dormant for months. It’s okay, Bones. We’re finished. Spock made that clear and I accepted it.” He shrugged. “I think when he’s finished with the Kolinahr, he’ll have the bond removed anyway.”
“That what he said?”
“He hasn’t said anything to me since he left, Bones. I’m just guessing is all. Fine by me. I don’t need it.”
“I should give him a piece of my mind.”
Jim chuckled and pushed away the ice cream bowl. “You need all your pieces. Let it go.”
Bones sighed. “Okay. Listen, I gotta leave for a bit, but I’ll be back later with a turkey dinner for us and probably your mom too. I’ll contact her first.”
“Bones, you don’t have to stay. It’s Christmas Eve. I know you have family.”
“You listen here, Jim, you are my family. I’ll be back.”
Jim teared up and smiled. “Okay, Bones. And you’re my family too.”
The nurse came in after Bones left to remove the ice cream bowl and offer him some tea and pills, but eventually, mercifully, Jim was left alone.
He must have dozed off some because when he woke up someone was sitting in the chair by his bed.
Jim stared. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
Spock said sternly, “Not funny.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Where else would I be? My mate is in the hospital after suffering heart failure.”
“I’m not your mate anymore, Spock,” Jim reminded him.
“Our bond still exists.”
“I kind of think that’s your problem. And I’m sure you can end it.”
Spock stood and approached the bed. “I am not here to agitate you, Jim. I have come to apologize and express my deep regret for my part in our separation.”
“Aren’t regrets illogical?” Jim sighed wearily. “I don’t…you said it was over.”
“I was wrong.”
“You wanted to purge me.”
“Negative. Never you. I was…confused. I wished to purge my emotions but I was unable to do so. My love for you was too strong.”
“Spock—”
“I ask nothing from you except that I am allowed to remain by your side to watch over you.”
Jim snorted. “That seems like a lot to ask.”
Spock lowered his gaze. “I mean I know I am not worthy of a return to intimacies we once shared but—”
“I’m not really cleared for that kind of thing right now.”
Spock nodded. “But I would like to be your friend and companion for however long you will allow it.”
“This is a lot to deal with right now,” Jim admitted. “And it’s Christmas Eve. Mom is coming and Bones too. I just…you broke my heart, Spock.” He waved away Spock’s wide-eyed look. “No. You aren’t responsible for this heart condition, you know that’s not what I mean. It’s just going to be hard to get past that for a while. If I ever can.”
“Can I stay while you are in the hospital through the holidays?”
“You aren’t making it easy to send you away,” Jim said, softly. “You know I still love you. That’s never changed.”
“It has not changed for me either.”
Suddenly there was a commotion outside Jim’s room and in popped his mom wheeling in a decorated Christmas Tree on a cart and next to it was a Santa sized sack filled with brightly wrapped Christmas packages.
Her mouth formed into a “O” she stared at Spock.
“Uh. Hi Mom. Spock’s here.”
“I-I see.”
Jim glanced at Spock who stared back at him with pleading eyes. “And for now, he’s staying.”
“I don’t know if I have enough fake snow for this.”
Spock was certain he did not want to engage in this conversation or subject matter and thought it would likely be wise to maintain his silence. But his fairly new boyfriend, Jim Kirk, was gazing at him expectantly and somehow Spock was sure it was some kind of test.
It was July in San Francisco and the temperature was currently topping 90 degrees Fahrenheit. He couldn’t even begin to guess what was on Jim’s mind. For the last several minutes he had been attempting to get Jim’s mind on coitus. Normally he was successful.
They were lounging on the sofa in Spock’s apartment and Spock’s plan had been to seduce his boyfriend and then ask him to move in. Until Jim’s odd sentence he had just uttered.
Schooling his face into a mask of slight interest, Spock murmured, “Fake snow.”
Even to his ears it didn’t sound like a question or a means to encourage further discussion.
But if Jim noticed, he pushed past it.
“For my party.”
“Party?”
Spock detested parties. Fortunately, Vulcans never threw parties.
Jim nodded, seemingly unaware of Spock’s discomfort. “Christmas.”
“It is my understanding that the Terran celebration of Christmas is conducted in December.”
“You understand correctly, babe.”
For a moment, Spock allowed himself to feel pleasure at the endearment that came his way. Illogically he found he liked it when Jim used them.
But then he frowned. “Then I do not understand.”
“It’s a Christmas in July party.” Jim smiled beautifully at him. The smile made his heart flutter in his side. Spock acknowledged he was a terrible sap for this Human.
“And you need fake snow.”
“Uh-huh.”
Somehow, Spock managed to maneuver Jim under him on the sofa, or perhaps Jim maneuvered Spock on top of him, and he couldn’t help but groan when their erections pressed against each other.
“I will assist,” Spock heard himself promise as he reached down to unfasten and remove Jim’s pants.
“Yeah?” Jim asked breathlessly.
“Mm.”
“And I need a place to have it. The dorm is too small.”
Spock undid his own pants and slid himself along Jim’s bare shaft. “We will have it here where you will be living.”
Okay, maybe things weren’t that bad. He wasn’t out freezing to death in a snow drift or anything.
He had shelter.
The Riverside farmhouse.
There was no power though. That had gone out when the blizzard started.
He had a fire in the fireplace, burning pretty good, actually, so he hadn’t lost his fire-starting skills. Sitting close to said fire made hm feel toasty warm.
But it was Christmas Eve and he had been expected at a party across town. Of course Jim suspected that party was likely either scaled back or canceled altogether. His communicator had lost service right after he’d sent his regrets to the host.
Since he had only arrived in Riverside that morning and would be leaving again the day after Christmas, or that had been the plan, he hadn’t bothered to decorate the place for Christmas or buy any special food.
Coming here, actually, had been a spur of the moment thing. None of his family happened to be in residence. Bones had gone to Georgia to see his kid during the Academy’s winter break. He’d invited Jim but Jim hadn’t felt like intruding on a family thing. Then one of his ex-girlfriends had invited him for her Christmas Eve party and Jim thought, eh, why not.
Who knew a damn blizzard was coming?
“I did warn you the weather report was troublesome.”
Oh, Right. He wasn’t alone either.
Somehow, and Jim was now not sure exactly how it happened, he ended up inviting Spock, his Vulcan instructor at the academy for physics. He’d been pretty sure Spock would say no, after all he barely acknowledged Jim’s existence.
And yet, here Spock was, sitting beside him next to the fire.
“We don’t really get white Christmases. Snow this early is kinda rare and a blizzard even more so. Apologies to Irving Berlin but white Christmases are kind of a myth. Not impossible but not really likely.”
Spock just stared at him which made Jim realize he was babbling again. Something all his friends told him he tended to do when he was nervous. What did he have to be nervous about?
Right.
His crush was sitting very close beside him, snowed in with him, and there was no one else in the house but them.
“We could sing Christmas carols.”
“I would rather not.”
Yeah, Spock had about as much holiday spirit as Ebenezer Scrooge. Well, before he was reformed. Scrooge that is. Spock had yet to be.
“Why’d you come anyway?” Jim couldn’t help but ask.
“Because you asked me.”
“Yeah.”
Silence for a bit more then…
“Why did you ask me?”
The dreaded question.
“Well.” His face heated and not from the fire. “You know. I sorta…that is…I kind of like you.” He cleared his throat.
More silence. And for a moment Jim thought that would be the end of it. Spock wasn’t going to acknowledge what Jim just said.
Might be for the best.
“That is why I accepted.”
Jim glanced at Spock. “Because you knew I liked you?”
Spock nodded. “And I reciprocate.”
It took five whole minutes for the meaning of that to work its way through Jim’s brain. He blinked.
“Aren’t you with Uhura?”
“It seems I am with you.”
Only thirty seconds more because then he was moving closer to Spock, actually straddling the Vulcan’s lap, and grabbing his face to kiss him. And kiss him.
Many minutes later, they lay side by side in front of the still blazing fire, both of them without clothes, sated and happy. For Jim he was slightly sore, but almost pleasantly so.
“I’m glad we got snowed in,” he murmured. “Merry Christmas to me.”
Spock shook his head. “You must transfer out of my class.”
“Yeah okay. Done.” Jim looked over his Vulcan lover and kissed him again. “Come on. I’m getting cold again. Warm me up.”
It hadn’t been intentional. Perhaps subconscious. Wherever Spock’s captain went, he often found himself drifting that way. Sometimes it was done before he even realized, like now.
They were on a short leave in San Francisco during the Terran holiday season. It had been an exciting development for many of the Enterprise’s Human crew members and the fact that Kirk was able to arrange it due to his current positive reputation with Starfleet had made the crew think even more highly of him then they already had.
Spock found himself somewhat adrift there. There hadn’t really been enough time to make his way to New Vulcan to see his father and his relationship with Nyota had, rather unfortunately, never really recovered from their estrangement over his now abandoned decision to go to New Vulcan to assist with populating the colony.
Nyota was spending the holidays with friends from the ship.
And Jim…while on Yorktown he had renewed his relationship with Carol Marcus. When the Enterprise left dock there, Doctor Marcus returned to serve on the ship so that she could be close to Jim.
Jim’s mother and brother, as well as his family, were in San Francisco too and the intention, as Spock understood, was for them all to spend Christmas together in Winona Kirk’s fancy hotel suite.
But it was now two days before Christmas and Spock had somehow followed in the footsteps of his captain and Carol Marcus who apparently had also been out for a walk on that somewhat warm twenty-third of December.
He realized their voices had turned angry as they stopped by one of the ocean piers. Spock had good hearing but he deliberately held back even out of Vulcan earshot because Carol Marcus sounded very upset and Jim had sounded…weary.
She appeared out of the pathway, arms wrapped around herself, tears streaming down her face. Spock had been unable to hide before she did, so her gaze went immediately to him.
“Why am I not surprised?” she demanded in a sobbing voice before hurrying away down the street.
Though uncertain as to her meaning, Spock felt it was prudent to check on Captain Kirk to make sure he was all right, given their apparent argument.
He hadn’t decided what to do when Jim himself appeared from the same direction she had just come from.
“Oh. Spock.”
“I did not intend to intrude.”
Jim nodded. “Yeah. Did you, uh, hear anything?”
“No. But Doctor Marcus did appear upset.”
“It’s over. Again. This time for good.”
Unsure what to say, Spock said nothing.
Jim glanced back the way he came. “I’m going to look out at the ocean. You coming?”
Since Jim didn’t wait for an answer, Spock didn’t give one, and simply followed after him.
Jim was dressed casually, wearing Jeans and a navy long sleeved shirt. He had stuck his hands in his pockets as he stood on the edge of the peer looking out at the dark, rolling ways directly in front of them.
Spock waited for his captain to explain, as he knew he would get around to doing eventually.
“She’s pregnant,” Jim said after a while.
“I…see.”
“I’d say something lame like I don’t know how it happened but yeah. We used protection, but nothing’s completely reliable.”
Spock understood. Once early on in his relationship with Nyota she had become pregnant, but the pregnancy hadn’t been viable and she’d lost it.
“She wanted us to quit Starfleet, get married, and raise the child together.”
Spock’s stomach roiled though he had no right to feel that way. But yes, the idea of Jim leaving the Enterprise and marrying Carol Marcus dismayed him.
Jim glanced at him. “I told her no.”
“You…do not want to marry her and raise the child together?”
“No, I don’t. That sounds awful, right? I know it does. But, Spock, I just…I don’t want to leave the Enterprise. It’s my home and the crew my family. My friends. Over the last few years this is the life I’ve built. Is it selfish to feel this way?”
“I cannot judge you.”
“She said if I loved her then I would make the sacrifice and do as she wanted. That doesn’t sound like…is that what love is, Spock? Sacrificing every part of yourself for someone else?” He blew out a long breath. “And it hit me then.”
“What, Jim?”
“If I loved her, it wouldn’t seem like such a sacrifice. I’d want to be with her, I’d want to get married and raise our kid together. I’d be so filled with happiness, I’d want just that. Or I think I would. I don’t love her. Not like she deserves. I care about her. But I don’t see us spending the rest of our lives together. I told her that.”
“I…” But words failed Spock. He didn’t know exactly what he should say to that. If he was expected to say anything.
“That’s when she left. She ended things. She’s already resigned her commission in Starfleet. She won’t be rejoining the Enterprise.”
“I…am sorry, Jim. And the child?”
“She’ll have him and raise him alone. It’s a boy. She already knows. She wanted us to settle in London where her mother lives so I am sure her mother will help. I’m not sure she’ll let me be part of his life at all at this point. I guess I’ll have to talk to her again about all that.” Jim sighed and turned away. “I don’t think I’ve ever broken anyone’s heart before.”
Oh you have, Spock thought, but chose not to say so out loud.
“And now. Fuck. We were supposed to spend tomorrow night and Christmas with Mom. She’s got a big suite at the Grand Hotel. All decorated for Christmas. A tree and all the trimmings. Big fancy feast. Sam and Aurelan will be there and their kids. Carol was supposed to go with me. I finally had a significant other to go with me to one of these family things.”
Jim fell silent, shook his head.
Then, “I sound like an ass, right? God, I’m all messed up.”
“I do not think you sound like an ass, Jim. You do not love her and do not wish to change your life knowing that eventually it will not work between you. I find that rather brave of you.”
Jim snorted. “Not really.”
“For a long time I stayed in a relationship because there was no real reason to end it but it had become both emotionally and physically unfulfilling. I am sure many do that exact thing. It is preferable to being alone.”
“All I know is I couldn’t even imagine not being on the Enterprise. Not seeing you…and-and everyone.”
Spock nodded. “You love the Enterprise.”
“As I said, it’s my home. But that’s…” He shook his head. “Do you know why I’m not in love with Carol?”
Spock once more was left without an answer. How was he supposed to answer that?
“Because I love someone else. And I have for a long time.” Jim wiped his face with his hand. “And I always knew I did, you know, but I thought…I can pretend I don’t. Since-since they don’t love me, it’s easier to push it away.”
“You love someone who doesn’t love you back?”
“Unrequited love is a bitch,” Jim said softly. “I’m not…proud of myself for using Carol to try to get past it…if that’s what I did. I did care for her. I do. It just…it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t fair to her.”
“And you are certain that this individual does not love you in return?”
“Well.” Jim shrugged. “He’s never given any indication he does. For a long time he was with someone but now he is not and—”
Spock shut him up with a kiss.
Jim sputtered against Spock’s lips and took a step back. “Spock!”
“You have always babbled on way too long.”
Spock returned to kissing him and this time Jim did not pull away. In fact his arms came up around Spock’s neck to remove any distance between them.
He did not know how long they kissed in the dark by the pier, but eventually Jim looked at him, eyes shining.
“That might be the best kiss I’ve ever had.”
“Yes, it might be.”
Jim laughed, as he always seemed to laugh at the strangest things. “Listen, how would you like to meet my family for Christmas?”
“I think that would be appropriate,” Spock agreed.
“But first…your place or mine?”
Spock considered this. “Wherever the closest bed is.”
Jim grinned. “Affirmative.”
****
Spock thought perhaps entering Winona Kirk’s hotel suite for the Kirk family celebration ought to have been awkward. They were all clearly expecting Carol Marcus to accompany Jim. But somehow with Jim it didn’t seem awkward at all.
“Hey everyone. This is Spock,” Jim made a general announcement. “Spock, meet the family.”
Winona Kirk’s gaze went briefly to her son but he smiled warmly and shrugged a bit, and she smiled in return.
“Welcome to our celebration, Spock. It’s wonderful to finally meet you. Jim has talked about you a lot.”
And to Spock’s surprise, she moved forward and embraced him.
“I know you’ll make Jim very happy,” she whispered as she hugged him.
“I will certainly try,” he whispered back, not at all surprised that Jim’s mother already knew how her son felt.
She released him and turned to her other son, a big giant of a man with bulging muscles who had been playfully fake punching Jim’s arms.
“This punk is my son, George Samuel, and the lovely woman trying not to look embarrassed by her husband’s antics is Aurelan.”
“It is a pleasure to meet you,” Spock said. “And to be included in your holiday.”
“Hey the pleasure is ours,” George Samuel declared. “We always worried Jimmy would never settle down.”
Jim blushed at the nickname and real punched his brother back.
“Boys,” their mother admonished. “And the children, of course, Peter and April. Come, we’re all sitting in the living room area eating treats.”
Jim returned to Spock’s side and linked his arm with Spock’s. “They can be a bit much.” He laughed. “Like me.”
“I have a feeling I can tolerate all of you quite well.”
Jim gave him a quick kiss and drew him forward to join his family.
Jim should have known Spock would look for him and since Spock knew him quite well these days, he found Jim pretty quickly.
He was seated on an old faded and peeling wooden bench situated in a long forgotten and overgrown garden across from the back porch of the old farmhouse. There was a bit of shade there from a nearby large tree that had been on the property hundreds of years. Good thing since it was July and really quite warm.
He’d have to decide what to do with this place now. There was no one else to make that decision at this point.
“Jim.”
Spock sat beside him on the bench, concern barely hidden in his expression.
Jim smiled and patted Spock’s leg. “I’m okay.”
“You are contemplative.”
“Mm. Even when your parent is sick, you’re not really prepared to lose them.”
“True.” Spock studied him for a moment. “Your thoughts are jumbled.”
“You should be used to that by now,” Jim joked.
Spock shook his head slightly. “The overwhelming emotion I feel from you is regret. I was unaware you had regrets regarding your mother.”
“I guess to you regrets are illogical.”
“I used to think so. But after the loss of my mother I admit to experiencing some regrets myself.”
“Of course you did. I don’t mean to dismiss your feelings in that.”
“You did not. And I do not intend to make this about me,” Spock said. “Will you explain what you are thinking and feeling?”
“Just wish I had been there more for Mom in her final years,” Jim admitted.
“As the captain of a starship it would be difficult to be with her as much as you might like.”
“Yeah but…last year, right about this time, I was on Earth. And she wanted me to come see her here in Riverside at the farmhouse to do our Christmas in July thing.”
“Christmas in July?”
Jim laughed. “Yeah. See when we were kids, my brother and me, little kids, Mom did this thing in the summer. This was before she got so involved in her job that she wasn’t with us much. Before…”
“Frank,” Spock supplied.
“Yeah. She buried herself in work after my dad, then her parents, and then her sister died. It was a lot of grief for her to handle and so she ended up signing up for a job that took her off planet, but she couldn’t bring me and Sam with her. Frank was her sister’s husband. After her sister got sick and passed, for a while Mom got involved with him, but she never really loved him. But when she went off planet, Frank said he’d watch us. Well, you know about what happened with him. But the summer stuff, the Christmas in July we did, that was before her parents and sister passed away.”
“I understand.”
“The whole idea for it started long ago but Mom adopted it for us. One day in July, we got to pick some part of Christmas to do just for that day. Each one of us got to pick whatever we wanted. Mom always chose to give each of us kids a present. That was her thing. Sam always thought with his stomach so he chose to make cookies and gingerbread.”
“And you?”
“I always wanted to put up a Christmas tree.” Jim grinned. “It used to make Sam crazy because it was so much work. We had an artificial one in the basement so Mom would make Sam bring it up with decorations and lights and we’d put it up and decorate in the morning and then the next day, it would all come down. Sam bitched a fit. But I loved it. I’d spend most of that day in the living room in front of it in my shorts and t-shirt staring at the twinkling lights and shiny decorations. It was my happy place.”
“I am glad you had that time with your mother and brother.”
He smiled wistfully. “Me too. Anyway, when I was on Earth last year, Mom wanted me to come see her and do the Christmas in July thing with her.” He choked up.
Spock reached for and took Jim’s hand. “She knew you loved her, Jim.”
“I know,” he whispered. “But I told her I couldn’t. I had too many other things to do while I was here and wouldn’t be able to make it. She was cool about it but I could tell she was disappointed, you know? I had no idea then that it was my last opportunity.”
“I am sorry, Jim. I know how painful such thoughts are. But I also know that she knew how much she mattered to you and I know she adored you as well.”
“Yeah, I do know all that too.” He squeezed Spock’s hand. “I just can’t help but think about stuff like that. And I know there’s nothing I can do about it. But it sucks.”
“Yes,” Spock acknowledged. “Would you like to go into the house and put up the tree while we are here?”
Jim laughed. “You’d do that?”
“Of course I would, if that is what you would like to do. It can be a memorial itself of your mother and brother and the times you were able to enjoy with them. However far removed it is now.”
Jim leaned over to kiss him. “I would love that. Let’s do it.”
And he tugged Spock up and into the house they went to put up a tree.
It was a hot summer’s day in San Francisco. Not unusual, certainly. In the distance, Spock spotted what the human’s around him called thunder clouds though in the amount of time Spock had been in San Francisco during the warm summers the clouds never seemed to accumulate enough to produce any precipitation.
Last summer he’d taken a few weeks during the Academy’s typical summer break to visit his parents on Vulcan. It had been a tense and unpleasant time there. His father still wasn’t speaking to him for deciding to enlist in Starfleet rather than the VSA and his mother did her best to keep the peace between them. He could see they were only causing her pain and so this summer he chose not to go to Vulcan.
Spock didn’t find the heat nearly as bad as his Human counterparts, being from Vulcan after all, so he was out for his afternoon walk, passing one of the apartment buildings known for housing cadets.
“Oh. No.”
Spock heard the note of panic in those words and he instantly reacted to the distress, stopping in his tracks and looking upward.
A male Human with sandy blond hair hung precariously by only one hand from a top floor balcony. He wore only a light blue tank top and low-slung denim shorts that appeared to be in danger of falling off at any moment. But the man himself was in far more imminent danger.
Spock made a decision.
“Let go. I will catch you.”
“What? Are you crazy? No.”
Spock could see him desperately trying to get his other hand to grasp the railing of the balcony but he was failing.
“Your hand is too sweaty.”
“Thanks. Tell me something I don’t know. Damn. I don’t wanna die.”
Spock calculated the distance from the balcony to the ground. “I do not believe you would die but you would likely have grievous injuries.”
“Grievous. That’s a good word.”
“Your most logical strategy is to let go so that I may catch you.”
The man’s laugh was shaky. “Well, far be it from me to go against logic. Are you sure you won’t drop me?”
“I will not. And Vulcans do not lie.”
“Not sure that’s as reassuring as you think it is. But okay. Uh. Here goes nothing.”
After a rather nerve-wracking hesitation the man let go of the railing and fell quickly to Spock’s position.
He landed in Spock’s arms and instantly he hooked both arms around Spock’s neck. Spock felt a wire string against his skin.
The man moistened his lips with his tongue and looked straight into Spock’s gaze with the bluest eyes Spock had ever seen. He was breathtakingly beautiful in Spock’s opinion.
“What are you holding?” he asked.
“Huh?” The man blinked and then grinned. “Oh. A string of Christmas lights. I was trying to hang them on my balcony. I climbed onto the railing and then my foot slipped. I thought I was a goner.”
Spock glanced up again. “The railing is too narrow to accommodate your person.”
“Now he tells me,” Jim murmured, drawing Spock’s attention once more to his lips.
“Christmas lights?”
“Yeah. For a Christmas in July party. Which I have to say since you rescued me from an unkind fate you just have to come.”
Rather than agree to that strange invitation, Spock said, “May I suggest a different method for hanging your decorations?”
“Yeah, definitely. Jim.”
“What?”
“My name. Jim Kirk.”
“Spock.”
“I know who you are. Everyone does.”
Spock didn’t quite know what that meant and he also realized he still had his arms full of the man. The strangest thing was that he found himself quite reluctant to set him on his feet. He had to, of course.
So, he did. Jim slipped from his arms to stand next to Spock.
He gave Spock a crooked smile.
“Thanks for the rescue again. It’s really hot out here.”
It was a non sequitur.
“Yes. Quite warm.”
“I have a big pitcher of iced tea upstairs in my apartment. You could, you know, spot me, while I finish decorating for that party. You are going to come to it right?”
“When is it?”
“Tonight. Just a few hours from now. If you come upstairs for that iced tea, you could just hang around until the party.”
Spock was not one who usually gave into spontaneity. But he found himself wanting to go up to Jim’s apartment for that iced tea. And whatever else might be offered.
And he didn’t think he was mistaken about those possibilities he saw twinkling in those blue eyes.
“Yes, I would like some iced tea. And to attend your strange festivity.”
Jim laughed. It was a very good sound.
“Come on then, Spock. And welcome to my strange life.”
And Spock practically ran down the corridor, holding his leather jacket closed as he entered a turbolift.
Jim turned to Uhura who had just exited the transporter room.
“What’s with Spock?”
She arched a brow. “How would I know?”
“Didn’t you guys spend shore leave together?”
Jim had abstained from shore leave this time. He’d been recuperating from an injury he’d gotten on a mission two months back and he had decided to stay on the ship and continue resting while doing some reports.
“As a group, sure. You know we’re not together anymore, so I didn’t watch his every move.” She looked at him. “I was surprised he came along as I figured he’d be looking after you.”
“He did too much of that when I was recovering, so I told him it was an order that he spend time on the planet.”
“I see. I think he was headed to his quarters, so you should probably check on him there.”
“So nothing weird happened?”
Uhura shrugged. “Not that I noticed, no. We all had a great time. That place had a Christmas in July Festival. It was fun, you would have loved it.”
“Probably. But the relative quiet here was nice too.”
“I’ve never known you to prefer quiet, Captain.”
“I’m turning over a new leaf.”
“Sure, sure. I’m dying for a big cup of coffee.” She yawned. “See you on the bridge later.”
She moved off and Jim sigh, deciding one thing she was right about. He needed to go see what was up with Spock.
****
Jim tried the door between the bathroom he shared with Spock to Spock’s quarters, the way he normally went into see Spock. It wouldn’t budge. Clearly locked.
“Spock?”
There was a loud thud.
“Spock?”
“One moment, Captain!”
Jim frowned and tried the door again. “Spock, what the hell is going on in there?”
There was another muffled sort of thud and just as Jim was preparing to go around to the main door of Spock’s quarters, the door opened and Spock stood there now dressed in his uniform, every hair neatly in place.
Jim eyed him suspiciously.
“What are you up to?”
“I…secured a present for you.”
“A present? What’s the occasion?” Jim moved closer. “Are you blushing?”
“It is possible,” Spock admitted. “For…Christmas.”
“In July?” Jim smiled. “It’s just a silly thing, Spock. It doesn’t require a present.”
Spock nodded. “Yes. But it was a ready excuse, plus I wanted to get something for you to address you recent depression over the length of your recovery period after your injury.”
“I’ve not been depressed,” Jim protested.
Spock arched a brow.
“Well, I hate being inactive and Bones kept me out for a long time. Totally longer than necessary.” Jim looked at Spock. “What’s my present?”
“I thought you did not require a present.”
“I don’t, but since you went to the trouble—”
Just then Jim heard a tiny little high-pitched meow. His eyes widened as Spock turned around, walked over to a drawer, and opened it. He reached out and pulled out a tiny furry cream colored fluffball.
“Spock!”
Spock’s lips curved as he put the kitten in Jim’s hands. “I have already arranged for the replicators to make cat food and arranged for her to have a litterbox. I have also cleared it with Starfleet.”
“You’ve thought of everything!”
“Well. Not everything. She will need a name.”
Jim grinned down as the kitten grabbed his finger. “Marshmallow.”
Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto) 