Jim’s gaze flew to his. “What exactly are you imagining you’re saying?”
Spock glanced around the observation deck. “I am not certain this is the place for this kind of conversation. Any moment someone else could come and…may we adjourn to either my quarters or yours?”
“Spock—”
“Please.” Spock straightened. “I ask that I am given the chance you gave my counterpart from that universe.”
Jim looked heavenward, but then nodded. “Yours then. I can leave then if necessary.”
Spock tried not to let that sharp comment sting but it was difficult. Still he took some relief in Jim’s ready agreement.
They didn’t speak as they left the observation deck and headed to the turbolift that would talk them to deck with officer quarters.
They bypassed the door to Jim’s and went right to Spock’s. He entered his access code and the door opened to let them inside.
Jim preceded Spock inside, but the moment the door closed he turned to face Spock, arms crossed in front of his chest in a clear defensive matter.
The sound of pleading in his own voice disturbed him.
“Help me to understand. Why would you…why would you choose intimacy with him?”
“God.” Jim’s expression crumbled and for a moment, Spock feared his captain would cry. How would Spock handle such a thing if he did?
“Jim—”
“Because he wanted me.”
“There are many who want you,” Spock pointed out.
“I can’t believe I have to spell this out. He was a replacement for the one I really wanted.”
Spock took a step back. “Me?”
Jim laughed. “Yeah. Stupid, right? So incredibly stupid.”
“You never said. Never gave any indication that you thought of me in any such way.”
“Was I supposed to? You were with Uhura! For years. How exactly did you expect me to tell you? And I don’t go after someone else’s partner.”
Spock stared, taking that in. Analyzing it. “But you did precisely that with the other Spock if he was with his captain.”
This time tear drops appeared on the edge of Jim’s eyes and Spock felt instant remorse.
“Yeah, you got me there. It was a moment of weakness. The object of my every dream wanted me with so much intensity I couldn’t resist. And now I’m dealing with the fallout from that.”
“Fallout?”
“Having something for a brief time that I don’t actually have. I’m here and he’s there, back presumably with his captain. And here? I’m alone.”
And just like that, as though their conversation was over and so many things were left unsaid, Jim made to move past him.
Before he allowed himself to think, Spock reached out and grabbed Jim’s wrist to prevent him from leaving.
My brother and sister-in-law both passed away. And many other crap things
Now…
My kitchen is about to be destroyed. They think there is a leak in the wall. So they are going to demolition all the cabinets and wall. Close off my kitchen for however long it takes. Then once the leak is fixed we have to figure out how to get all put back. I am beside myself and ready to commit myself to a mental health facility. If you think I am kidding, I am not sure I am.
Not able to host Thanksgiving this year, obviously. So that’s off the table, literally. Will have to be my sister’s. This is the only holiday we host so it’s devastating in that respect. Why it couldn’t have been a simple water line from the fridge God only knows.
I’ll do my best to keep up with everything but this has been a major stressful downer for me. Not going to lie.
I did get tomorrow’s done. Friday’s is still possible. I don’t know.
I am listening to Johnny Mathis sing What Child is This because I need the comfort of Christmas songs.
Something curled in Spock’s stomach, ugly and fluttery and painful. It rose from there and caused a dull pain in his side where his heartbeat.
“I…do not understand.” He was flustered and repeating himself but his logical brain could not compute.
“I know you don’t understand!”
And just like that the cheerful pretense Kirk had been displaying vanished as though it had never been there. Instead there was angry fire in his blue eyes.
“And that’s exactly the problem, Spock. You just never get it.”
“Jim, I—”
“You were with Uhura for years—”
“We are not together anymore,” Spock interrupts.
“Yeah you’ve been broken up for five minutes,” Jim said, sarcastically. “You were together for years, Spock. Years. And you never moved forward. Never bonded. Never married. You were satisfied with…I don’t even know what you were satisfied with. Your commitment to not commit.”
“Why are you so angry? You were explaining what happened in the alternate universe with my counterpart.”
Jim sighed heavily and turned away. “In that universe Spock loves his captain. When I returned from the mission, he thought I was his captain. As soon as I got to the captain’s quarters, Spock was all over me.”
“He forced himself on you?”
“No! I wanted it. He was full of passion and heat and was so hungry for me. It was intoxicating. I couldn’t get enough.”
Each word was like a lash against Spock’s heart.
“When he finally realized I was not his captain, it didn’t matter to either of us. We continued being together. Neither of us knew if I would come back here or his Kirk would return there, so we continued with each other, and he protected me from the reality of all that.”
Jim turned around to face him once more.
“It was the most amazing experience of my life.”
Spock blinked. He thought he might just vomit.
“It should have been with you,” Jim whispered hoarsely. “But I knew it never would be.”
He’d almost called out Jim, but Spock was still somewhat unsure how far their friendship had progressed and though Kirk had once or twice told Spock it was fine to use his first name, and Spock had even done so a few times, there was something about Jim’s stance as he stood by the observation window that made him abort and switch to captain.
Still Jim turned to him with a warm, welcoming smile.
“Is there a problem with the ship, Mr. Spock?”
It was said cheerfully yet Spock detected an edge behind it. It was perplexing and he couldn’t have explained why it seemed strange.
“Negative. It was for a more personal matter that I sought you out.”
“Yeah?” He stepped over slightly to allow Spock to stand beside him. “I’ve heard you pretty much threw our counterparts right in the brig the minute they beamed aboard.”
“It was not as quickly as that, but it did not take long. They were very confused by what they encountered and unlike your party found themselves unable to adapt to their new surroundings. It took them quite a long time to guess they were no longer in the universe they had known.”
Kirk nodded. “I’m sure it was a shock considering what they were used to.”
“And yet you kept your cool and managed to do a very good job of blending in there.”
“Mm. I think it’s easier to play barbaric than civilized.”
“You may be correct.”
His captain smiled. “Was there anything else?”
Spock felt confused. He blew out a long breath. “None of that was of a personal nature,” he said carefully.
“No?” Kirk looked genuinely quizzical and that made two of them. “What then? You need a leave or something?”
“A leave? I do not. This does not concern me personally, but rather you.”
Kirk laughed then. “Me?”
“You have not said much about your experience in the other universe. I wished to know if you need…if there is someone you would like to confide in regarding your experience.”
Kirk didn’t respond for a long time and in fact he had turned away from Spock to gaze out at the stars.
“If you suffered abuse—”
“I didn’t.” The words were a soft whisper. “It wasn’t like that at all.”
“What was it like? The others implied the Terran Empire was ruthless and brutal.”
“Yes, it was. As far as I could tell, the Terran Empire is ruled by cruel and violent Humans who desire power above all things. Life means nothing to them. Not their own nor anyone else’s.”
“But you did not experience this firsthand?”
“I might have.”
“You…might have?”
“But he protected me.”
Spock frowned. “Who? I do not understand, Captain.”
Jim gave him a ghost of a smile and shook his head. “I know you don’t. And that’s why I haven’t said anything. In that universe, there never was a Nyota. Not for him.”
Spock tilted his head.
“Spock protected me in that universe. We were lovers.”
*While I hope to finish this little story this week, please note that I will be gone Thursday-Sunday for my nephew’s Vegas wedding so there are simply no guarantees. If it’s not, you can expect it to be next week. *
It had been two days since Captain Kirk, Lieutenant Uhura, Commander Scott, and Doctor McCoy had returned from the Empire ruled Mirror Universe.
Two days since Spock had sent the oddly barbaric versions of those same officers back to that universe after determining they were not where they should be.
Spock had learned from Nyota about the atrocities that were the norm for that universe. Mister Scott had shuddered every time he was asked questions about it. Leonard had mentioned he’d likely have nightmare from some of what he’d seen.
Kirk said nothing.
Even Leonard had mumbled something about ‘Jim being radio silent’ and some memory of Earth’ history flashed through Spock’s mind, but he could not quite place the reference.
For those two days, Spock gave him space. Unlike the others, Kirk was relaxed and easy going. He answered questions on every other subject readily and efficiently. He did not radiate the same tension and unease the others had, though admittedly theirs had all lessened and they were nearly back to normal. What passed for normal for each of them anyway.
If you were not a Kirk watcher you might not know. But they all were. They noticed.
Spock noticed most of all.
Something was not right.
He had intended to seek him out in his quarters after his shift one night only to find he was not there. And though he could wander the ship seeking Kirk’s usual spots, he found that he did not have the heart for it, so he used the computer to pinpoint that Kirk was on the observation deck.
He then also used the computer to determine Kirk was alone.
Spock had no desire to discover Kirk having time with a paramour. At present, he did not think Kirk was seeing a member of the crew, certainly not since Doctor Marcus had departed after their breakup, but Spock did not want to take any chances.
Fortunately it seemed Captain Kirk had no company.
Still Spock hesitated to disturb him.
They were building a good friendship, Spock thought. There were still parts of Jim that he did not share with Spock. He was uncertain if he shared them with anyone, even McCoy.
Spock was not sure they had the friendship the ambassador had alluded to, at least to the extent he’d had with his Kirk, but Spock believed they were back to making progress.
Progress had been stalled right around the time they’d been confronted by Krall and Altamid. When Spock had intended to resign to go to New Vulcan and Kirk had applied for a command position on Yorktown.
Spock did not know what caused the rift between them, but he’d felt it.
Since they had returned to the repaired and rebuilt Enterprise, their friendship had seemed to strengthen.
Until Jim had gone to the mirror universe.
But the only way to learn the truth was to ask his captain to explain just what he had experienced in that universe. So he went to the observation deck to find Kirk.
“The hell I’m not,” Jim insisted to Bones, who had grabbed onto him to prevent him from going into the farmhouse after the Klingon.
“I’m your doctor and I forbid it. Now I know Spock did his mumbo jumbo to your head and now you mostly remember, but you were injected with a drug that wasn’t meant for you and you had a bad reaction. I need to thoroughly examine you back on the ship before I clear you for regular duty!”
“This is hardly normal circumstances and I need to…where’s Spock?” Jim looked around the immediate area and sure enough his husband and first office was nowhere to be seen.
But before he could panic too much, the Vulcan appeared carrying the other now unconscious Klingon.
Jim turned to Bones, giving him the stink-eye. “You deliberately distracted me while Spock went in there, didn’t you?”
“You bet I did. I meant every word too.”
“This isn’t over.”
Bones snorted. “Seems over to me. Now let’s get the other one and get back to our time. And our mess. Let’s leave theirs to them.”
Jim looked back at the farmhouse. The pumpkins and the scarecrows. A much earlier version of the same house he had grown up in.
He suddenly felt such sorrow it nearly brought him to his knees. This had been a happy place once.
“Jim?” Spock spoke softly.
“Yeah, I’m coming.”
****
“This is the place?”
“So it would seem.”
Jim eyed Spock. “How do we do that with twiddle dee and dum here? Do we have to go through all five us at once? How is that going to work?”
“I am fairly certain I can carry them through with me, you two just need to keep up.” Spock sounded amused. Jim was anything but.
“Ha ha.”
“Can we speed this up?” Bones asked. “I’m getting nervous. I don’t want this thing to close on us so we can’t go back.”
“Okay, okay. You’re such a weenie,” Jim teased.
“Just call me Doctor…you know what? Never mind. You totally would.”
“Ready?” Spock asked.
“Wait! I can’t leave.”
Bones and Spock gaped at him.
“Not until I find out who shot JR.”
“It was Kristin,” Spock said calmly.
“Kristin? Are you sure?”
“Who’s Kristin?” Bones asked. “Who the hell is JR?”
“Yes, Kristin. Let’s go, Captain.”
“I can’t believe it. I mean I guess it makes some sort of sense,” Jim said, then he said, “Go!”
A moment later they ran back out of the Guardian of Forever.
But there were only three of them. Spock, Bones and Jim.
“Damn! The Klingons!”
“Fear Not,” the booming mechanical voice of the Guardian spoke. “The Klingons have been returned to their Bird of Prey in their sector. They will have no memory of their time in Earth Nineteen Eighty.”
“Are you sure?” Jim asked.
“Yes, Captain Kirk. When you return to your ship, you too will have no memory from your time there. We will see to that.”
“And did I change history? Did they? My ancestor…James Kirk…”
“He is once more alive in Riverside at the farmhouse in 1980.”
That made Jim happy.
“Thanks. Is he okay?”
“He is in good health and has no recollection of any adverse events.”
“You mean of being dead?” Jim asked, dryly. “Did they do that?”
“Your appearance necessitated his temporary removal. Had you remained, he would have ceased to exist as he was known.” There was a long pause. “As would many others. You are responsible for the lives of millions having been saved, Captain Kirk. Do not take that lightly.”
“I don’t.”
“Goodbye.”
And the Guadian went dark.
Still Jim lingered and after a moment he realized he and Spock were alone. Bones had gone off to the beam up point.
“Jim?”
“I’m just…in a lot of ways, I really liked living in 1980. I liked the house. Decorating for fall. The simplicity. Free of all the complications in my real life. It was…good for a while.”
Spock shook his head and drew Jim into his arms. “I am not certain you would adapt to such a life long term. You are not a sedentary sort who can spend his nights on the couch watching television.”
“But see, Spock, that’s exactly what I did. And I don’t know, for the time I was there, I really wasn’t bored.”
“It was an escape from reality that perhaps you required.” Spock tilted his head. “And Becky?”
Jim smiled. “She was a nice lady but to be honest I don’t even remember that much about her or the time I spent with her. She…never felt right. Not for me.”
“And?”
Jim kissed him. “You’re the only one who’s ever felt right.”
“I am gratified.”
For a long time they just held each other.
“There is no where I would not go to retrieve thee,” Spock said softly in Vulcan.
“I know.” Jim briefly touched their foreheads together.
“Shall we?”
“Mm. Still it would have been nice to remember all that happened there. It’s already fading though.”
“Indeed.”
They started walking away from the Guardian.
“I don’t think she’s right for him either.”
“Becky?”
“Uh-huh. She wants him to move to Colorado. I don’t think he should.”
Spock made a humming sound. Jim looked at him.
“You know something?”
“You are quite correct. He does not go to Colorado with Becky.”
“I knew it! That’s great.”
Spock shook his head, took Jim’s hand, and led him to where Bones stood waiting. Spock handed Jim his communicator.
Jim tried not to flinch when Spock’s hand rested on his face. He didn’t think Spock would hurt him and he believed that they had melded before. It seemed right. But he couldn’t quite remember so he was apprehensive.
“It does not hurt.”
Jim nodded. “Just…” He waved his hand.
“My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts.” Then there was a pause. “Remember.”
“Bones, come up to the bridge. Lieutenant Gregory’s having some kind of seizure.”
“Hold on to him, damnit!”
“Doctor! You have injected the captain!”
“Jim no!”
The meld abruptly ended as Jim pulled away, Spock’s hand dropping from his face.
“Spock!”
“Jim, you remember?”
“Yes.” He blinked several times and then touched his head. “I’m still a little hazy but yes.”
“Jim—”
“Save it, Bones. I know it was all an accident. I know things got crazy.”
“But—”
“Seriously. We can talk about the circumstances later. We have more important priorities right now.”
“Indeed,” Spock spoke up. “We need to locate his companion, disable him, and the find the Guardian to go through the portal.”
Jim pushed at the Klingon’s leg with the toe of his shoe. “Any ideas where his buddy is?”
“His last known location was at the college where you taught courses.”
He frowned. “Who exactly was I supposed to be? Some of this is still fuzzy.”
Bones stepped closer and put his hand on Jim’s arm. “Near as we can figure, you had an ancestor in the late 1970s Riverside also named James Kirk who taught at the college.”
“And I took on his identity? Where is he?”
“It appears he passed away in late 1979,” Spock replied. “Not a lot of information can be found about how or why, however, you apparently resembled him enough to become him in the eyes of those he knew.”
“Such as Becky.” Jim shook his head. “So this poor bugger croaks and I just take over his life, even his girlfriend?”
Bones snorted. “Looks like it, Jim.”
“And you don’t know how he died? What if he isn’t?”
Spock shrugged. “Evidence suggests he is, however, if he isn’t, presumably he will reappear when we return to our time. This time period lacks a lot of technology to thoroughly investigate matters and our focus has been on you and the Klingons.”
“Yeah okay.” Jim looked down at the still unconscious Klingon. “How long can we keep him like that?”
“I can use an extended method to keep him out for hours. We will leave him in the farmhouse while we look for the other.”
“Okay. So, I have to ask, why were you two lurking outside my house?”
“Lurking?”
“Yeah one night I heard this big crash and there were some other times I swear I saw like glowing red eyes out by the scarecrows.” Jim eyed Bones. “It had to be you. I know it’s October and you have a weird sense of what’s funny.”
“Don’t look at me,” Bones denied it. “I’ll cop to the crash as we were here keeping an eye on your, Spock especially since you were cozying up to that girl but—”
Jim glanced at Spock and winced at his narrowed gaze. “I wasn’t in my right mind. And anyway, we only ever kissed.” He paused. “Maybe.”
“The point is,” Bones interrupted to get Jim’s attention back to him. We don’t have anything to do with glowing red eyes.”
“You were here for several months on your own before we could locate you, are you saying you did not have intercourse with her during that entire time?”
“Time has to move differently here. Don’t you think?”
“You are avoiding answering.”
“Can you two maybe do this later when we’re back on the ship?”
“Yeah, okay,” Jim agreed. “Let’s go get that Klingon.”
Spock suddenly stiffened. “I do not think it will be necessary to go anywhere.”
Spirk (with a small dose of Pinto) 